Chapter 2 Volume 1 Gu Yan Department

promotion When an official was promoted, his wife said: My official position is bigger than before.The wife said: "The official is big. I don't know if this thing is also big?"The official said: Naturally.And when he was acting, the wife blamed him for being so insignificant. The official said: "It's much bigger, and you don't realize it."The wife said: "Why don't you feel it?"The official said: "Could it be that the master has been promoted to an official position, but grandma is still not successful?"Inevitably my big, yours is also big.

job comparison A and B are in the same junior high school.A chooses the post of the museum, and B confers the county magistrate.On the first day, it was a proud saying: "I am ranked in Tsinghua University, and I am under the ban. I am a secretary with my elder brother, and my qualifications are very different."He didn't say anything, that is, he chose to use large-character posts for visiting guests, with a decent status, which is like Tianyuan.Yi said: "How many words can you use in your post? Isn't it much bigger than the words in my notice?"It is useless for the common people to obey the instructions on the thoroughfare.Jia said: But the golden melon and the yellow cover are prominent and show off, do you have it, brother?Yi said: "Brother's card sticks are clearing the road, and the streets are full of streets. Why are there only a few times as many brothers?"Jia said: "Taishi's seal, the name is on the court, can Brother Nian not be envious?"Yi said: My brother has the seal of the imperial court, the power of life and death, but I control it. Seeing that brother Nian lives in Lengcao, and the seal is engraved privately, who will be afraid of you?Jia didn't realize that he was escaping the words, but said: "In short, the sound of Hanlin is worth thousands of gold."Yi smiled and said: When I was sitting in the hall, the common people called him Grandpa Qingtian, isn't it just a thousand pieces of gold?

Fali City When a new official comes to office, after the ceremony is over, there is paper money that has not been embered on the ground, and the official takes a tin ingot and hides it.The door said: "Master, this is paper money. What do you want him to use?"The official said: "I know, let's wait for me to send a profit to see." corrupt officials There are farmers who can't grow eggplants, so they ask for advice from the old nursery.Lao Po said: "It's not difficult. Every penny you bury under the eggplant tree will make you live."Asked why, the answer was: those who have money live, and those who have no money die.

rational An official is the most corrupt.One day, the two arrests confronted each other, and the plaintiff gave fifty gold, and the defendant doubled the bribe when he heard about it.At the time of the trial, the plaintiff was hit by lottery regardless of the reason.The plaintiff made a gesture of five numbers with his hand and said: the small one is reasonable.The official also covered it with his hand and said, "slave, you are right."He raised his hand again and said, "He is more reasonable than you." withdraw gold An official issued a vermilion ticket, took two ingots of red gold, delivered it to the shop, and received the price at the court.Official asked: How much is it worth?The shopkeeper said: "How much is the parity price? Now it is for the master to take it, and only half the price is acceptable."The official looked around and said: "Wait, give him back a piece of ingot."After the gold is issued, the shop owner is still waiting to receive the price.The official said: "The price has been issued."The shopkeeper said: "It hasn't been published yet."The official said angrily, "Diao Nucai, you said you only received half the price, so I gave you back one ingot, which is half the price."The county has never lost you, so how can you mess around?Get out!

confused A young blind man was involved in a lawsuit and claimed that he was blind.The official said: You clearly have a pair of innocent eyes, how can you cheat blind?The answer is: the master sees the villain as innocent, but the villain sees the master as muddled. unknown An official does not know what to do, but he is fond of drinking and neglecting government, greedy for money and cruel to the people.The resentment of the people is just a poem to blame: black patent leather lanterns, fireflies for a long time.White tigers are painted on whitewashed walls, and oolongs are written on yellow paper.Eggplant knocks the mud chime, winter melon strikes the wooden clock.Only money and wine are known, regardless of justice and justice.

play An official was trampled by his wife, and he played angrily: "Your Majesty, my minister Qi, and my wife Luo Zao, fought yesterday and broke the minister's gauze hat."The uploaded decree said: You must be patient.The queen is a little tired, she disagrees with me, the Pingtian crown is smashed, and your gauze hat is only an egg bag. Steal cattle Those who lost cattle and sued the officials, the officials asked, "When did you steal it?"The answer was: Master, there will be none tomorrow.The official couldn't help but laugh, and the official said angrily: "I think you stole it!"The official spilled two cuffs: let the master search.

escape from the heat Officials are in the summer months and want to find a place to escape the cool.Colleagues disagree, or say a certain mountain is elegant, or say a certain temple is leisurely.An old man came in and said: Although the mountain temple is good, it is not as cool as this public hall.The official said, "how can you see it?"The answer was: There are many suns in other places, but only here is the sky without the sun. stele An official with a clear reputation, the investigation was over, and the father and elders established a moral and political stele with him.The official ordered a sedan chair to watch it, and sat down before the factory.Shaoqing, left and right said: "Please look at the stone (cracking) stele (cunt)."

robber foot When the villagers entered the city for the first time, they saw a wooden barrel hanging above the city, and asked people, "what is in it?"The respondent said: Bandit head.As far as the county, I saw countless wooden boxes nailed to the Qiaolou, all of which were the boots of love left behind by the former officials.The villagers didn't know, so they nodded and said: "The robber's head hanging on the city must be a robber's foot here." Ox When an official met his birthday, the officials heard that he was a rat, so he cast a rat in gold for his birthday.The official was very happy, and said: "Do you know that grandma's birthday is also under my eyes?"All the officials said: "I don't know, may I ask where it belongs?"The official said: "One year younger than me, born in an ugly year."

colleagues There are wives and concubines who live separately. One day, the concubine wants to visit his wife and seeks out her husband: how should I write a post?The husband said: The word Yindi should be used.The concubine asked: "Where is his righteousness?"The husband said: colleagues write posts, all use this title, as an example of the government.The concubine said: I have no official position in my generation, how can I write this post?The husband said: Although there is no official position, the colleagues (屪) are always the same. family members The official sits in the hall, and one of the servants farts loudly, and the official calls: "Bring it!"The official said: "Master, the fart is like a gust of wind, and it blows away without a trace. How can I get the little one?"Guan Nu said: Why do you sell it favorably, you must get it.Zao had no choice but to take dry shit and sell it back: "My lord, the principal culprit is gone, and the family members are here."

Same state One person is the best antique, and those who hold Wen Wang Ding and ask for it will buy it with a hundred gold.Another person came with a night pot, the copper color is mottled, it is said that it was a thing from King Wu's time, and he also asked for a high price.Said: Although the copper color is good, but the stomach smells bad.The answer: Although the stomach smells bad, isn't it the same state? Yaguan Yinyu The Yamen officials gathered and asked each of them what his job was.One official said: "Follow the usual tea and rice in the future, and Gai Yi will take the ready-made (county magistrate)." The other official said: "The following books are boiled in the soup pot, and they are boiled (master) books."An official said: "The barbarians in the countryside rent dung cellars."The questioner was puzzled, and the answer was: Dian Shi (History).

detailed dream As a bureaucrat, a daughter-in-law is the best at dreaming.The three exams are full, and I will go to the election.I have a dream at night, call my daughter-in-law for details.Daughter-in-law asked: What dream?The public said: I dreamed of putting many books and boiling them in a pot. I don't know what is good or bad for the master?The daughter-in-law said: The primary election must be a master book.A few days later, the duke said, "I had another dream. I dreamed that you and I were both standing naked, but our bodies were facing each other. Why?"The daughter-in-law said: Congratulations, you will be the county (now) Cheng (cheng). eunuch watching the wind Watching the wind while guarding the big supervisor, the question of what to be afraid of after birth, everyone covered their mouths and laughed.When Pang asked why, the instructor said: "All students think that the title is too difficult, so it's better to ask for one word less."Pang laughed and said, "In this case, except for the last word, just be afraid of life." common courtesy When the insider saw someone peeing, he was very happy and called him over to have a look.The man took off his trousers and saw that the thing was still moving, so he clapped his hands and said happily, "my dear, you just need to be polite when you see my father-in-law." Remembrance A Liaodong military officer, never illiterate.It was discussed one day, which made people read and impeach Ben Yun: the one who should be dismissed as a Huiwei.Because of crying bitterly, he said: "It's a trivial matter to change the post of Huiwei. This is also a word. How can I afford it!" Wubian Night Patrol One Wu Bian patrolled the night, and there were those who committed night crimes, claiming to be scholars who would return home late.Wu Bian said, "As a scholar, let me test you."Asking questions, Wu Bian couldn't think about it, and said: "You were lucky to have no questions tonight." Duozi to help out A military officer went out to fight and was about to be defeated. Suddenly, with the help of magic soldiers, he won a big victory.The official kowtowed to ask for the name of the god, and the god said: I am Duozi.The official said: "Little general He De, dare to help Duozi respect the gods to see and save?"The answer is: I feel that you have never hurt me with an arrow in the teaching field. Scholars A younger brother ran rampant in the village, and the complaining family scolded him: "Brother ascended the yellow armor, what has it to do with you, and you are so arrogant?"The answer was: Don’t you see the words “Jinshidi (brother)” on the plaque? And He went to Beijing for the test in one fell swoop, and the servant picked up the luggage and followed.Walking to the wilderness, suddenly the wind blew up, and the turban was blown off.The servant shouted, "It's landed!"The master was displeased, and said: From now on, don't talk about landing, just talk about the first place.The servant took it, tied up the luggage, and said: "Now you go to the sky, and you will never make it again." mock martial arts poem Wearing silver sparrow crown on head, foundation soap on foot.I also went to refer to the chief examination, and also came to visit the Confucius Temple.Yan Yuan sighed, Master smiled.Zilu was stunned and said: "If I go to the three armies, I will go to feed the horses like this." Feng Jun Some people who were granted titles in the market met the county magistrate for the first time, and they were so embarrassed that they resolutely resigned and took the seat.The official said: "Dao is the son of the same year, and he should sit by reason."Feng Junnai opened his eyes and asked, "Are you also a dog?" father A city was sealed off. When I first saw the county magistrate, I honored him with his teeth and called him: "Old Master."The man returned with anger, and the son asked why, saying: "The officials deceived me too much."He should call me the old man, but it is an allusion, what is the old man, it is obviously frivolous.I replied that I never lost my bargain.Zi asked why he was called, and replied: I should have called him old parents, but now I have shortened the rhyme and just called him old father. Prince Fengjun There is a son who is also a king, and the father is very envious of the son.Surprised and asked why, he said: "Your father is better than my father, and your son is better than my son." send dad to school One person asked: "Which is the music between the son and the emperor?"The answer said: Although being a feudal monarch is fun, the teeth are already decayed, but the son is the happiest when he is young.The man hurried away, asked why, and replied: "I bought a book so that my father can go to school." Nasushi The poem given to Na Su said: "The leather car is bought at a high price, and Zhou Zi's window is full of bags."If you meet your great-great-grandfather someday, it will be like nothing. examiner One prison student had passed the Chinese Academy of Sciences, and he was furious when he heard the sacrificial wine, and the two were cured. They asked the person in the door: "How about beating?"Punishment?Upset lock?The answer is: write a test text.When he was born, he suddenly said: Hey, the crime does not end here. in prison A prison gave birth to a wife, and repeatedly advised her husband to study, because she settled in the temple.There is no book box, so the porter is called to pick up the books with Luo Dan.The porter was very tired halfway, so he sat on the burden.When I was born, I heard the "Tongjian" written by Pang Renyu, and blamed the porter for being angry.The husband apologized and said: "Because of illiteracy, the villain was put in the mirror (prison) for a while, it's no wonder. not going to Beijing A prison student married a concubine, named Sister Jing, and his wife was very jealous.The husband and concubine must tell him: "Go to Beijing."One day, when he wanted to go to Beijing, his wife said, "let's close the gate here and put on a gauze."Now that the work is over, the wife said: "Why don't you go to Beijing now!"Birthday: I don't have any velvet in my belly, what are you going to do in Beijing! bite flash When the poor boy met a prison student on his way, he suddenly hugged his ear and took a bite.Surprised, he asked why, and replied: I am extremely poor. When I see a big ingot of silver, why don't I bite off some of the flying edges and use it. admission The prison students should enter the field and then leave. An old man meets and bows to him, and bows to pig shit beside the road.Sheng asked: What is this smelly thing?The answer is: he smells bad, and it also comes out of the large intestine (field). book low All his life, he rented a monk's room to study, played every day, returned to his room in the afternoon, and called his children to fetch books.Tong holds "Wen Xuan", regards it, and says: low.Holding "Hanshu", depending on it, said: low.He also holds "Historical Records", regards it, and says: low.The monk was surprised and said: "These three books, one of which is familiar, is enough to be well-learned, and all of them are low-level, why?"The birthday said: I want to sleep, take a book as a pillow ear. Empress Dowager Jiansheng went to Chenghuang Temple, and there was a Jiansheng case nearby.A statue of the empress dowager.Gui said to his wife, "it turns out that our prison students are so honorable, even your image has already been molded in the Town God's Temple." Overseer arrogant City supervisors and rural supervisors must compete for the best.The people in the city said with shame: We are well-informed, but the people in your village are ignorant and ignorant.The two argued endlessly, because they walked together on the street and saw each other's strengths.When I arrived at the gate of Dadi, there was the word "Dazhongcheng" on the plaque. The supervisor in the city looked up and said, "Isn't this Chengzhong University?"It is a test.I went to a house again. The plaque was Dali Qing. The rural supervisor recognized the character Qing as the character of Xiang. He was too busy to read it and said, "This is the big one in the village."The two are at odds with each other.At the gate of another temple, there was an inscription on the Dashi Pavilion, and they discussed peacefully with each other, saying: "It turns out that the (each) scholar (self) in the pavilion is big." Ding After one person went to the brothel to beat the sex, the prostitute asked him to thank him, and replied: "I am also a student, and I am exempted from the family by the ancestors."Another person from Russia came, and it was the same.The prostitute said, "Why?"The answer is: I supervise the students.The prostitute said: "What about the supervisor?"The man said: Don't you know that the supervisor has always been Baiding. Wang Jiansheng One of the supervisors was surnamed Wang, and the county magistrate of Ghana took office.At the beginning of school, Qing Jin submitted a book and won the Petunia chapter.While reciting, he suddenly asked: Who is the king seeing?The answer is: .This is the brother of Wang Songzhi.Ask again: Who is that Wang Yueran?Answer: This king is also the younger brother of the old man.Said: It's wonderful.And I like my Wang family, all of them are in the book. I don't know myself There is a prison student, wearing a coat and a round cap, taking a picture of himself in the dressing mirror, very proud.Pointing to his wife, he said: Who is that in the mirror?Wife said: smelly turtle!Thanks to you being a supervisor, you don't even know a lot of words. Supervisor worships father One person was sent to prison as an exception, and ordered his family to prepare a note to worship the old man.The servant said: "I'm afraid people will talk about how father and son use posts."Sheng said: No.At the beginning of entering the body today, all other guests worship, how can there be any reason why the father does not worship?The servant asked: What is the name?The student pondered and said, "Write a family member to serve and teach students."When the father saw it, he was angry and blamed him.Sheng said: You are puzzled by the appropriate address.Father and son are close relatives, so the next family is the word.Waiter, the father sits and the son stands.Teachers, learn from childhood.The living, my parents gave birth to me.The father became angry and blamed him for being unreasonable, so he said to the servant: "I think I'm too arrogant, so go and change the late birthday post." worthless A prisoner's wife said that she was ignorant and ignorant, so she persuaded her to study.Q: What are the benefits of reading?The wife said: a word is worth a thousand gold, how can it be useless?Sheng replied: Is it true that I am not worth a word? Borrow medicine When a prisoner was dying, he said to his wife, "I have earned this dress all my life, and it will be buried for me after I die."Wife promised.After death, I can put on clothes and boots, but it is difficult to wear a round hat with left and right sides.The wife cried and said: My God, there is no blessing to wear a hat.After rebirth and turning around, Zhang Mu said to his wife, "I must take it with me."The wife said: I really don't want to take it, but I hate that the pillow is not stable.The birthday said: A certain doctor's family at the opposite door took out medicine, and borrowed it to make pillows. fast library The first prison student, surnamed Qi, has a very rich family, but is illiterate.One day, Fu Zun issued a ticket to take two chickens and one rabbit.Zao also doesn't know the characters in the ticket, so the Central Qi supervisor reads it.Sheng said: ask for two chickens, and free one.Soap only buys a chicken to answer.The prefect said angrily: "Two chickens and one rabbit are taken on the ticket, why only pay one chicken?"Zao reported the matter to the supervisor, so the eunuch detained the supervisor and asked him.At that time, the eunuch was on business, and temporarily put the supervisors in the fasting warehouse for investigation.When he went into the warehouse, he saw the word "fasting" on the stele, and recognized it as his father Qi Cheng's name. He opened his eyes in surprise and sobbed.People asked why, and the answer was: Who built the spiritual seat of the ancestors here?Seeing things hurt, how can we not cry. Bylaws A scholar is afraid of examination aids, so he can't write an article at the end of the day of the examination.Nai Dashu said on the scroll: only because it is so, so it is so.If so, why bother.When the official saw it, he smiled and said: "It is still a bylaw after all to write these four sentences." sour smell The little tiger called the tiger and said: "I went out of the mountain today and won a fight. The taste of the food is very different. The upper half is sour and the lower half is smelly. I don't know what kind of person it is."Tiger said: "This must be a scholar sent to prison." imitation word In my life, I have seen people who made raw posts, and I deeply sighed the novelty of making characters.Occasionally, I sent a letter from far away, so I followed suit.The servant sent the letter back, and the student asked, "What do you say when you read the book?"The servant said, let's see it face to face, and then ask: "Is the old man safe?"Ask again: Is Lao An okay?Yu said: "All are safe."After pondering for a while, he entered with a smile before sending back the book.Sheng Daxi said: "People must learn. If only one word is used properly, they will ask each other, and they will add a lot of attention." Chunsheng post A rich man was illiterate, so he said to his friend: "A certain person is very illiterate, and he came to worship me early in the morning, so he wrote late post."The next prisoner said, "it's not far away."It seems that in the past two days when visiting visitors in autumn, some people have written posts about spring (family members) students. borrow cattle There are people who borrow cattle from rich people in Cambodia, and Weng Fang treats them with a taboo of illiteracy, and pretends to keep them silent.The envoy said: I see, I will come here soon. crying Lin When Confucius saw the dead Lin, he wept uncontrollably.The disciple sought to comfort him by weaving up money and hanging it on the body of the cow, and told him: Lin is alive.Confucius said, "This is obviously a village cow, but it's just a few more coins." Jiang Xinfu A rich man and his friends went far away, and they were moored in a boat in the river.I went ashore for a walk, and saw the three characters Jiang Xinfu inscribed on the wall. I mistook the word Fu as the character of thief, and wanted to run away in shock.When a friend asked why, he pointed out: "There are thieves here."The friend said: Fu is not a thief.The man said: Fu (rich) will be given, but in the end it will be a bit of a thief. eat milk pie The rich man talked with others about how much a child is like a wet nurse, in order to eat his milk, he feels aura.The man called it a rich man and said: If this is the case, I think I have been eating milk cakes since I was a child. unwilling to be rich When a ghost reincarnated, Pluto sentenced him to be a rich man.The ghost said: I don't want to be rich.But it is enough to have enough food and clothing for a lifetime, to have nothing wrong with it, to burn incense, to drink bitter tea, and to live a leisurely life.Pluto said: If you want money, I will give you tens of thousands more. You are not allowed to enjoy this kind of leisure and happiness. ginger pyramid A rich man asked how to write the character Jiang, and he answered with the beginning of the cursive character, the next character, the second Tian character, the next character, the Tian character, and the other character.He wrote grass, one, field, one, field, one, and after finishing writing, he scolded and said: "God kills, how can you deceive me!"Obviously playing tricks on me to create a pagoda. medical bank A rich man had silver in his mouth, and swallowed it into his stomach by mistake. The pain was severe, and he was cured.The doctor said: It's not difficult, first buy a pair of playing cards, burn the ashes and swallow them, then use moxa pills to moxibuste the navel, and the silver will come out by itself.Weng asked why, and the doctor said: "It is burned outside, and there are robbers robbing inside, even if your money won't come out!" Landlord sees chicken A rich man has a few acres of spare land, which he rents and grows with Zhang. He asks for one chicken per acre.Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the landlord made a chanting voice and said: This field is not the same as Zhang San.Zhang San hurriedly offered the chicken, and the landlord chanted again: "If not with Zhang San, but with whom?"Zhang San said: "Why didn't you be with me at first, and then again?"The landlord said: At the beginning, it was a nonsense (chicken) talk, but later it was based on an opportunity (chicken). explain Someone surnamed Li became rich and arrogant, or it was said in a mocking way: A child read the first sentence of "Hundred Surnames" and asked his teacher for an explanation.The teacher said: Zhao is the word for Zhao of Jingzhao (Wu custom calls people to be Zhao), money is the word for money with copper coins, sun is the word for grandson of the little monkey, and Li is the word for Li when the surname Zhang is surnamed Li.Tong asked again: Is it possible to speak upside down?The teacher said: "It is also possible."Tong said: How to say it?The master said: "However, the little monkey surnamed Li got a few stinky copper coins, and he became very smart in no time." training child The rich man was illiterate, so people persuaded him to train him with his teacher.First learn one character is one picture, then two characters and two pictures, and then three characters and three pictures.His son happily threw a pen and told his father: "My son already understands the meaning of words, so why use a teacher?"My father liked it, so I thanked him.One day, the father wanted to invite people of all surnames to drink, and ordered his son to get up in the morning to treat the form, but it was not completed until noon.The father went to inquire about it, and the son said, "There are so many surnames, how can I choose the surname Wan?"From early to now, only five hundred paintings have been made!