Chapter 3 Juan Erfuliube

Resignation An instructor resigned from the court to see the phenomenon, and he couldn't bear to stay there.People asked why, and the answer was: I think the pigs and sheep that are sacrificed to Ding are good if they are so fat. take office At the age of Gong, when he was selected as a teacher, he first took office. When his wife entered the Yamen, she burst into tears.The husband asked in amazement, and the wife said, "I hope that you have only learned from the school until today, but you have entered the school instead." Dirty After offering sacrifices to Ding, the Guangdong and Guangxi provinces competed for a big pig's entrails, and each took one of its entrails.A Guangwen is a little stronger, and it is as dirty as it can be, and the contender can only get a handful of dirty things with both hands.Because he said: "Although I can't be buried (dirty), the king has no special (oil)."

fight The instructor's son fought with the county magistrate's son. The instructor's son was repeatedly defeated, and returned crying to his mother.Mother said: That family eats meat all day long, so they are so strong and able to fight.Your family eats rot all day long, and your strength is weak, how can you beat him?The instructor said: "Don't be too busy, my son. After offering sacrifices to Ding, it's all right to take revenge with him." Drill The Mouse and the Hornet worshiped as brothers, and invited a scholar to be the alliance card, but the scholar had no choice but to go and was listed as the third person.A friend asked: "How can you live under the rat generation?"The answer is: he will drill for a while, and stab for a while, so I have to let him.

prove Confucius The two masters of Taoism disagreed in their discussions. They were surprised by the true Taoism and slandered each other as false, and they could not decide for a long time.But please be honest with Confucius, Confucius stepped down, bowed and said in respect: My way is very great, why should it be the same.The two old gentlemen are both true Taoists, and Qiu Su admires them, so there is no hypocrisy.The two retired with great joy.The disciple said: Master, how flattering you are!Confucius said: It is enough for people of this generation to coax him to leave, so what if he is provoked?

presumptuous Mr. Daoxue married his daughter and went out. At midnight, he was still wandering in front of the hall.Pu Yun: Mr. Gong, please go to bed late at night.The teacher stamped his feet and said angrily: You don't know, the little bastard is going wild there right now! Zhili When Guangwen came to office, the disciples used fifty money as Zhi, and the inscription said: "I would like to have fifty Wen of Zhiyi, and a certain disciple of the disciple bowed his head for a hundred times."The teacher wrote the letter and returned it, saying: How about subtracting fifty bows and making up one hundred wen?The doorman replied: "I would rather have one hundred and fifty prayers, so what if I don't have these fifty words?"

No child A scholar's husband and grandson reproduce, and those of his peers who have no children say arrogantly: "If you have no strength, you can't raise a son."There are so many descendants like me, how lively it is.The peer replied: "his son is Erli, and his grandson is not Erli." Borrow food When Confucius was in Chen Jueliang, he ordered Yanzi to go back to the country to borrow it, because his name was the same as the name of the country, and he hoped that he would be familiar with him.Compared with the past, he said angrily, "you, Confucius, want to drive away the barbarians, blame me for Huihui, and usually scold me for being a human being and choosing (thief)!"There is no food.Yan Zi returned home dismayed.Zigong please go, claiming to be extremely flattering in the past, and often saying: "Why do you dare to look back when you give it?"Qunhui was overjoyed, and took a load of white grain with shillings, and promised to deliver it one after another.When Zi Gong returned, he told his master, Confucius raised his eyebrows and said: "I cheated a load of food, but I didn't understand the art."

Granary The grain chief collects grain in the warehouse, and consumes a lot of rats. He waits on them secretly, and sees ground squirrels eating among them.Open a warehouse to hide and catch, ground squirrels have protective farts, and they release several in a row.The food chief said angrily: "This farting beast will be eaten by him." off course In the year of the township examination, one county passed the exam.All the students asked the geomancer to look at Fengshui, and the clay statues were small and did not match their ears.So he called the makeup Buddha craftsman to transform it.The sage yelled, "You bastards who don't understand literature and science, you don't study, what are you doing to me!"

school gate The three scholars went to the prostitute's house to set up a drink in the east, and the other scholar said, "what is the rule of brother?"Said: through the "Book of Songs".The next step is to repeat the question, and say: pass through the Book of Books.Because of the play, he asked the prostitute, "what scriptures do you know?"Said: The concubine menstruates.Everyone laughed.The prostitute said: "Everyone, don't laugh at me. You are scholars, you all came out of this red gate." (Hon Yin Hong) wild game Two scholars, A and B, took the exam. A said, "I dreamed that a tree soared to the sky. How about it?"Yi said: "A tree soaring to the sky is a sign of Wei, and it may not be a good omen."Because I said that I dreamed that a pheasant flew close to the sky, this must be the image of Wenmen, and it is undoubtedly stable.A shook his head and said: Hey, wild (also) taste (not yet).

monk debate The scholar questioned the monk and said: "There are no two characters in the south in your classics, and you should only pronounce the original sound. Why do you pronounce it as Namo?"The monk also asked, "Xianggong, in the Four Books there is the word 'xi', why is it also pronounced as woohoo?"Now, if the grandpa reads opera, the young monk reads Namo.If the husband is whining, the monk will naturally want Namo. Yang Xianggong One person asked: "Your honorable surname?"Said: Surname Yang.The man said: "Since they are sheep, why don't they have horns?"Shi Nu said: "Stupid dogs come in and out!"The man misunderstood what he meant and said, "Hey!

first game The Jade Emperor's birthday is congratulated by all the immortals.When Dongfang Shuo arrived, he saw the birthday star outside the door in panic, and asked him, saying: "There is a notice posted, and I will not be allowed in."Ask again: Why did you post it?Answer: Blame my head length (field) back-court The guest and the host sleep together, and the guest asks for the chamber pot.The master said: Under the bed, never fell.I had no choice but to play too early, and the backcourt would never come again. Consciousness A blind man with blind eyes who is good at smelling fragrance and knowing Qi.A scholar took a copy of "The West Chamber" and told him about it, saying: "The West Chamber".Question: How do you know it?The answer is: Some fat powder gas.He also heard about "Three Kingdoms" and said: "Three Kingdoms".Ask again: how do you know it.The answer is: some swordsman spirit.The scholar thought it was strange, but told him about his writing. The blind man said, "This is your masterpiece."Q: How do you know?The answer: some fart gas.

moth hat There are both grand and grand, and the hats they wear are put together in one place.Once it was eaten by moths, the two brothers competed with each other, and the one who thought it was not eaten would take it.A scholar passed by, and he was asked to make a decision because he was a scholar.The scholar held the moth hat and looked at it carefully again and again, but he looked at Sheng Da and said: "This is your hat!"Q: How do you see it?The scholar said: Don't you hear that the annotation of "University" says: "Xuan (first) wrote (worm), grand appearance (hat).

nothing The poor went to various temples to steal the spirits of the gods, but only the earth temple did not take them.When I dug it open, I saw that it was empty.Nai sighed in amazement and said, "Seeing that he brought a scarf, it turned out that there was nothing in his stomach!" person with scarf A monk pees and plays with his penis.Occasionally, a person with a scarf came and said jokingly: "You two are master and apprentice, what are you talking about here?"The monk said: Look at how big his head is, fold the top square scarf and wear it with him. poor scholar There was a man who saw the king of the underworld for the first time, and the king said that he had been used too much in his lifetime, and sentenced him to be a scholar in the next life, and gave him five sons.The ghost official said: "This person has committed a serious crime and should not be so kind."Wang laughed and said: "It's just that the crime is serious. I want to punish him as a poor scholar and kill him after exhausting his many sons." fart A scholar met the king of Pluto when he died, and claimed to be well-learned, knowledgeable about the past and the present.Wang Ou farts, and the scholar immediately enters the word cloud: King Fu Wei has a tall golden buttocks, and Hong Xuan's fart is faintly like the sound of silk and bamboo, like the breath of musk orchid.The minister stood up and couldn't bear the fragrance of fragrance.Wang Xi, ordered to give a banquet, which will be the same as Yang's life, and report to the due date, without the temptation of ghost soldiers.Twelve years later, the scholar returned to the Yin Division, and he said to the door: "I am bothered to report to the king, saying that the scholar who made farting articles ten years ago has come again." Out of school The Confucian stele pavilion was newly completed. A scholar brought a prostitute to look at it. Seeing the heavy load under the stele, he joked that the prostitute said: "Your father is here, why don't you worship?"The prostitute immediately bowed to the cloud: My lord, let's see when you will get out of school! Copy the sacrificial text The Dong's family lost his wife and mother, and went to sacrifice, and asked the librarian to write an article.It was given to those who sacrificed their wives and fathers by mistake according to the ancient book. Those who knew it saw that the master blamed it.The librarian said: This article was published in an ancient book, how could it be wrong?I'm afraid it's his family who killed someone by mistake, so it's none of my business. intercourse A scholar was newly married and went to bed at night. He asked his bride, "I want clouds and rain. I don't know if my wife respects you or not?"The new man said: officials do what they want.The scholar said: "Since I have been bowed down and accepted, I ask the lady to spread her legs and arms. The students are rude and rude."As for the matter, the bride said: "It hurts, it hurts!"The scholar said: "Go in slowly, and you will be well-rounded." Can't do it The tenants owed rent year after year, and every time the land was thinned, they could not produce rice.Shi Nu said, "I'll plant my own seed next year. How about it?"The tenant said: "It's impossible to grow it with my husband's life." Can't make up A scholar went to the test, but it was difficult to conceive.All students follow the cards.Those who took the test waited for a long time, and servant A asked servant B, "I don't know how many words are there in an essay?"Yi said: "I think it's only five or six hundred."Jia said: "Five or six hundred characters, don't you have them in your chest, and they still don't come out at this time?"Yi said: Although there are five or six hundred characters in my belly, I just can't get them together for a while. fourth in-laws The two scholars were fourth-class at the same time, and they knew each other once when they were blamed.After getting married, they will meet each other in relatives.The man's family said: "Where did Zunrong come here?"My father's family said: "It's just a little kind, I can't remember it for a while."While pondering, they suddenly realized the same thing. The man's family nodded and said, "Hey."The mother-in-law's family also nodded and said, "Hey." Seventh grade A scholar who passed the exam feels ashamed and considers that his wife dislikes him.It is false to say that he lied to his wife and said: "in the past, the master was only in the sixth class. Now when he meets this pestilence official, it's good or bad, and he has increased to another class. Are you hateful or not?"The wife said: How about the seventh class?Confrontation: "Sixth class will not pass the future, and those who take seventh class will be castrated."The wife was shocked and said: "Where are you taking the test?"The husband said: "Thanks to my hard work, I passed the sixth class in the exam, but fortunately I was spared." Abdominal nothing A scholar will try, and he will be depressed day and night.His wife said comfortingly: "Looking at your composition, it's so difficult, it's like giving birth to a slave."The husband said: It is still easy for you to have children every time.Wife said: How can you see?The husband said: You are in the belly, but I am not. Incomplete volume If you can't finish the papers in your life, you will be awarded the fourth class in the examination, and you will be punished by the stick.Said to the friend: I only lack half an article.Youyun: Not bad.If you finish it, you will kill it after seeing it. sign A scholar asks for a lottery at the age of examination, and he tells Chen: "The examination is based on the sixth grade, and the fourth grade is lower."Miao Zhu said: "There is a difference in tolerance. The fourth class is only responsible for the stick. How can it be the next?"The scholar said: "It's not known to you."The sixth class is dismissed, which is extremely clean.If it is the fourth class, if you read my words, you will definitely be killed. dream into pan The government takes Tongsheng and prays for a dream: Is the Taoist examination expected to enter pan?The god asked, "Is your grandfather a subordinate?"Said: No.Ask again: Is the family rich?Said: Nothing.God smiled and said: Since this is the case, what are you dreaming about! Temple of Confucianism Those who entered Pan with money and money, paid homage to the Confucian Temple, and Confucius answered them at the table.The scholar said: "Today is the ceremony for the disciples of the master, so you should sit and receive it."Confucius said: How dare you.You are my brother Kong Fang's disciple, and you will never be worshipped. kobold master At the end of the year, the curator bought a boat and went home. The boatman asked, "Master Guigeng?"Answer: People who belong to the Dog sign will be fifty years old in their first year.The man in the boat said: I am also a dog, why the difference between high and low?Ask again: Which month was born?The answer is: the first month.Zhouzi Dawu said: Yes, yes, no wonder!I was born in December and I am a dog tail, so I have shaken this life.Xiang Gongyue was born with a dog's head, so he taught (called) this life. dog sit hall One person is used to lying, and said to his in-laws: There are three treasures in the house: a cow can travel thousands of miles a day, a rooster stops crowing every watch, and a dog is good at reading.The in-laws are shocked: there is such a strange thing, and I will go to court to see it in the future.The man told his wife about it, and if he lied for a while, how could he protect him?Wife said: It's okay, I have my own place.The next day, the in-laws came to visit, and Neiyun said: I went to Beijing in the morning.Q: When will it be back?The answer was: It will come in seven or eight days.Ask again: Why can it be fast?Said: I rode my own cattle.Question: Are there chickens on the house?It happened to be at noon when the rooster crowed in the pavilion, and he pointed to it and said: "That's all, not only at night to report the watch, but also to report the arrival of strangers during the day."Ask again: Please take a look at the reading dog.The answer was: I will not hide it from my in-laws, but because of the coldness of my family, I went out to sit in a restaurant. Lecture A gentleman gave a lecture, and when Kangzi gave medicine, he asked: Is it a decoction or a pill?The master praised the master and said: You can't ask questions unless you are a son of beauty, and you can't answer questions unless you are a student.In the last festival, the villagers Nuo, Nuo is naturally pills.The next section is to decoct medicine again, instead of using a fire, how can it be burned up! Master and Apprentice The librarian wants to consolidate the plan of the library, and praises the students for being smart.The boss didn't believe it, so he ordered him to face the class.The master said: Crab.The students said to each other: Umbrella.The teacher praised it very much.Dong Weng was puzzled, and the master said: "I have hidden ideas. Crabs are things that run amok. Your son has an independent idea for the umbrella. Isn't it wonderful."Dong Weng ordered the two-character class again, and the teacher said: "Cut the rice."The students said to each other: have sex.The teacher praised it again.The master was furious, and the master said: "This pair also has a hidden meaning. I am a rice harvester, and I am accumulating grain to prevent hunger."For those who have sex with him, he raises his children for old age. please sir A master used to seek people's halls, was visited by Pluto, and asked Yasha to bring them.The teacher hid in the door and did not come out. The ghost pawn designed to coax and said: Come out quickly. There is a good restaurant to invite you.The teacher heard that there was a pavilion, even if he tried to get out, he was caught by the Yaksha.The gentleman said: "Look at you, you don't look like a gentleman." Scold Mr. One person saw Mrs. Wen's beauty, and wanted to seduce her. It was a woman with a fake makeup who was about to give birth, so she invited her to give birth, and Mrs. Wen touched it.Da Jing said, "I have been admitting births for many years. Those with heads are called Shunsheng; those with feet are called Daosheng; those with hands are called Hengsheng."This Mr. Cock has never been seen before. No sitting The husband and wife lie down at night, and the woman holds her husband's penis and says: "everyone has a name, but this thing alone has no good name. You can give him a number."The husband said: "The fake one is called Mr. Jiao, but the real one should remove the character "Jiao", and call him Mr. Jiao."The woman said: "Since it is sir, there is a hall here, please come and sit."The cloud and rain are over.The next morning, the wife ate her husband with chicken wine.The husband said with a smile, "I know you, Mr. Xie, but how about you?"The wife said: "Mr. is very good, but I think he is a bit soft and impatient." brother extension There are two brothers, who extend a division together and supply them in different classes.Every shift, we must blame each other for being thin, and blame the lack of supply.So the brothers made an appointment, and when the teacher's turn came, they weighed two catties, thinking that the handover was fat and thin.One day, the younger brother will hand over his teacher to his elder brother, and he will let the teacher go away with a full meal.Now that the scale is on, the teacher spits a fart, and he is to blame, saying: "Business on the scale, how can you spread it so easily!"No way, Yuan ate it for me. Read broken sentences Yongshi is used to reading broken sentences and reading white characters.One day, he taught apprentices and taught "The Preface to the University", and read: "The university is the same as the ancient books, so the university teaches people."The master perceives it and chases it away in anger.He was invited to enter the curtain by an official again. The official did not know the laws and regulations, so he consulted the librarian for everything.One day, a policeman came to arrest a thief who had stolen a bell. The official asked, "How can I cure it?"The teacher said: Master's way (stealing) loyalty (bell), forgiveness is nothing more.The officer was released.Another day, the person who got a stolen seat came, and the official asked again. The teacher said: "If you hear the Tao in the morning and evening (the seat), you can die."The official is about to stand up and kill the person who steals the seat.Shi Pluto went privately, and the investigation found out that he ordered the ghost judge to bring it, and scolded him: "Idiot beast!"You lied to Guangu and misunderstood his children, the crime is not small, you will turn into a pig and a dog when you go back to reincarnation.The master begged again and again: "Being a pig or a dog would not dare to resign, but a pig will be sentenced to be born in the south, and a dog begging to be a bitch."The king asked why, and replied: The pigs in the south are stronger than those in the north.Ask again: Why is the bitch?The answer is: "Qu Li" says: When the mother is in trouble (dog) gets it, when the mother is in trouble, the mother is spared. retreat The first teacher is shallow and good at reading other characters.The master hated it, so he made an appointment with the teacher, and every time he reads a different character, he will get one point of repair.At the end of the year, the refund will be exhausted, and there will be only three points of silver left, which will be sealed off.The teacher said angrily: "It's He Yanxing, it's He Yanxing (with)!"The master said: Now, two points will be deducted, and one point will be deducted for silver deposits.The host's mother said by the side, "if it's hard for a year, it's fine to get rid of it by half."Mr. came up to thank you and said: Madam, if you don't say anything, you must have something to say.The master said: It happens to be even this point, and it will be taken in cleanly. Chibi Fu Yongshi is used to reading other characters.One night, I talked with my disciples about the two fus of "Chibi" before and after, and actually read the Fu as a thief.There was a thief sneaking out of the window, and the teacher recited the big words, saying: "Red (Zuo Kaizi) Wall Thief" in front of it.The thief was shocked, because he thought about it and realized it, he might as well go through the back of the room and enter.It was late at night, and after the teacher had finished speaking, he went to bed in the back room.After going to bed, I discussed with my disciples the following "Red Cliff Fu", which is also the same as the previous reading.The thief sighed outside and said, "I went back and forth to hide, but this man saw through everything."If someone hires such a gentleman, he can't afford to keep a watchdog! Read on the left side of the play Some trainees taught "Great Learning" first. As for the lines before the play, the king never forgets them, and they can read them like words.The Lord said: It's a mistake, it should be read as woohoo.Learn from it.In the winter, reading "The Analects of Confucius" notes that although Nuo is an ancient ritual but close to opera, it is read as Minghu.The master said: "It's a mistake again. This is for the play."The master was furious, and told his friend, "This owner is very difficult to understand. He only cares about the word opera, and he has been with me from the beginning of the year to the end of the year." Medium wine When a division is set up to teach, the apprentice asks: How to teach the way of the university?The teacher pretended to be drunk and said: You choose to ask me when you are drunk.I talked to my wife, and my wife said: "University is the title of the book, and the Tao is the truth in the book."The teacher nodded.Tomorrow, he called his apprentice and said: "You are ignorant, and you came to ask me yesterday when you were drunk."I woke up today, but I didn't come to ask, why?What did you ask yesterday?To the way of the university.The teacher explains it like a wife.The disciple asked again: How is Ming Mingde?The teacher held his forehead and said: "Stay here, I'm still drunk here." Shariah The master blamed the teacher for not being good at teaching, and the teacher said: You want me to die with your son?The master was puzzled, and the teacher said: I have exhausted my teachings. As long as I want to get into the son's stomach, I will kill him by smothering him, and the son will kill him. pour his wives and concubines They invite a librarian, and the study is close to the inner room.One day's class, read the wrong sentence of the four seasons, and the note says: wrong, still repeating.When the host's mother heard it, she was offended by her intentional playfulness and sued her master.The master couldn't understand the book, and wanted to chase him angrily.The teacher said: "The meaning of the book is so, you can't understand it, why am I guilty?"So the museum was moved to the hall building to avoid Luozao.One day, the wife and concubine of the Dong family were swimming downstairs, and the teacher couldn't urinate, so he drowned from the wall.Unexpectedly, it was poured on the heads of wives and concubines, and then sued to the master.The main reason is that Meng Lang blamed him last time, so this time he will have to take an examination of what is in the certificate.Then he interpreted it left and right, and suddenly realized that it was here, otherwise, it would have been misunderstood by you and others.Q: What evidence do you have?The Lord said: Shi Shi came from outside, arrogant (watering) his wives and concubines. Bookish The master asked the gentleman, "Why don't you understand the book?"The teacher said: "Brother, I know each other well. If I don't tell you what's in my heart, I will be destroyed by heaven and earth!"Ask again: If you can't speak, should you sit still?Answer cloud: It is only for the lack of family, so I have to go.The master said: In this case, why the supply is a little indifferent, so we have to see it?The husband changed his face resolutely and said: If this spirit is gone, you will still look like a gentleman! Dream Duke of Zhou One teacher takes a nap at noon, and the students are not allowed to fall asleep.The student questioned him, but the teacher said absurdly, "I am the Duke of Zhou in a dream."Tomorrow, his disciples followed suit, and the teacher woke up with the precepts and said: How did you get like this?The apprentice said: I also went to see Zhou Gong'er.The master said: What did the Duke of Zhou say?Answer: Zhou Gong said that he did not see the respected teacher yesterday. cat chasing mouse A cat was catching a mouse, and the mouse was so pressing that it had nowhere to hide, so it hurriedly hid in the pole of the bamboo sedan chair.The cat Gu Zhi sighed and said: Seeing that you manage (the museum) well, you can enter well, how can you pass these few festivals! Ask the library A beggar makes a new bamboo tube, and all the beggars buy wine to celebrate.After every drink, Noir shouted: "Qingxin is in charge of the wine."A teacher was looking for a hall. He heard it by chance and misunderstood it as a Qingxin hall. He rushed forward and said, "since you have a new hall, let the old hall be handed over to the students!" hang out A female general went to the training ground to order troops. The middle officer used the horse kidney to elongate, and each put a bamboo tube, and put his penis inside.When the girl is about to arrive, she jumps on a horse, takes off the bamboo tube, and the penis hangs upright under the abdomen.When the female general questioned, the Chinese army reported, "Everyone who has control over that thing is in control."This one has lost the management (library), so I hang out here. Correct Mr. Xun Meng gave a two-character lesson and said to the students: Ma neighing.One disciple said to each other, "Peng Fen."The teacher said: Good, there is no need to change it.He bowed and retreated.Another disciple said: "Bull dung."The teacher chided and said: Shit!The apprentice also bowed to him and wanted to do it, but the teacher stopped him and said: "You are right and you have never been right, so how can you just leave?"The apprentice said: What I was right was bullshit, what my husband changed was bullshit. Tartar There are two apprentices in the hall, one is smart and handsome, and the other is stupid.The teacher gave night classes, and there was a plum tree planted in the courtyard, which means: Laomei.One person saw a cypress planted in a pot, and said in response, "Small cypress."The teacher said: good.He also ordered a disciple to treat him better, and the disciple said, "Daddy."The teacher said that he was right, and angrily attacked him.The disciple cried and said: "His little cypress (bo) didn't beat him, but he beat daddy instead." centipede bite Shangjiang people go out to sit in the hall, and every time they hold an event, they often replace it with hand guns and hold it in bamboo tubes.Its essence has a fishy smell for a long time, and it is eaten by centipedes.One day, his genitals relapsed and he was working, when suddenly a centipede clamped down on his penis, the teacher was terrified.Returning home at the end of the year, he touched his wife's hairy vulva, and said loudly, "There are centipedes in the bare bamboo tube, fluffy and fluffy, so there are no snakes and insects!" I'm not as good as Mr. One went out to sit in the restaurant, and he was away from home for a long time. He occasionally saw Gou Lian, and sighed: "I am not as good as it." dig lotus One teacher went out to go to the temple, thinking about his wife's affair with others, so he painted a lotus flower on his wife's hen as a sign.At the end of the year, when the museum was released and returned, the test had already fallen, and there were no traces left.Because of his anger, he wanted to punish him.The wife said: "You are on a mission. There are things to paint. Why did you choose the lotus alone?"Don't you know that there are lotus roots under the lotus, and the people who come and go, no matter good or bad, come to dig that one, and this one comes to dig it, and they dig it all up, so what's the matter with me! Dung The teacher was walking in the field and saw villagers picking manure to irrigate vegetables.The teacher was surprised and said: people eat vegetables, how can you throw this filth on them?The villager said: Mr. Xiang only reads books and doesn't know anything about my farm.If vegetables are not poured with dung, they become bitter vegetables.One day, the host used bitter vegetables as a meal, and the teacher asked, "Why are the vegetables so bitter today?"The house boy said: "Because my husband thinks it's dirty, I invite him to eat vegetables that don't contain dung."The master said, "Since this is the case, the dung smells like salt. Let me dip some and eat it." bite cake Seeing the apprentice holding a piece of cake, a Meng teacher said in a play: "I will bite the Moon Bay and you will see it?"After taking a bite, he said, "I'll bite another Fang Sheng to show you?"Reluctant to give up, he covered it with his hand and bit his finger by mistake.Naihe said: It's okay, it's okay, I don't want you to study today.If the family asks you, they will only say that the dog snatched the bread and bit it. miss boater The teacher came back from the library, and his wife and I talked about sneezing and itchy nose, and some people said it behind their backs.The husband said: I often whine in the school.Wife said: I miss you at home.And at the beginning of the new year, I still went to Dongjiaguan.When the other wife boarded the boat, the boatman's nose was convulsed by the first sun, and he was beaten several times.The teacher said frequently: "It's not good, I just went out, and this woman is there to see the boatman!" uncle The master highly praised his son Shen Qian for his intelligence and thorough literacy.The Lord said: Very good.The teacher said to his son, "I will take you to school next year. I have already praised you in front of Dong Weng. It's just that you are demented and can't read a word."Because the three characters of quilt, rice, and father are written, let him memorize them by heart, so as to prepare for questions.After arriving at the museum, the owner tried the number repeatedly, but no one knew it.The teacher said: "Children are afraid of strangers. When I write it, they will naturally understand it."After writing and being asked, Zi was at a loss.The master said: What is your bed covered with?The answer is: Grass recommendation.The teacher also wrote rice characters and recognition, but did not answer.Said: What do you eat at home?Said: wheat sticks.He also wrote the word "father" and "knowledge", and the son said: "I don't know."The teacher said angrily: "Your mother is at home, who is she sleeping with?"The answer: Uncle. it's me The first division is on duty after school in Ching Ming, leading apprentices to go outing in the suburbs.The teacher was walking forward, and occasionally let out a fart, and the disciple said: Sir, the Qingming ghost is screaming.Mr. said: Shit!In a few hectares, heavy rain poured down, and a tile in the field was submerged in water, only its back was exposed.The apprentice also pointed to Mr. Qi and said, "This looks like a turtle."The master said: It is tile (me). ask lotus root Mr. Shanglu went out with his son and ate fresh lotus root, so he asked his father, "Father, what is there? It looks like a chimney when it is erected, and it looks like a mud cage when it is erected horizontally. When you squeeze it in your hand, it looks like a bow. When you chew it, you wake up in the mouth." Loose and wake up, the sweet water is already thick, the throat falls and the spider silk entangles the throat, have you never seen it before?His father said angrily: "Stupid slave, stupid slave!"One is the big (soil) leaf root knot in the Nanhuo store that packs the east and the west. Egg skin A teacher took his son to the hall, and on the way, he saw a glutinous rice ball seller and asked his father, "Father, what is this?"The father was angry with him for not being able to live up to his expectations, and replied: "Ovum."When you arrive at the restaurant, the host will set up wine and treats, and the dishes are served with bean curd skin as toppings.The son clapped his hands and laughed loudly and said: "His eggs are not worth inviting people. It's so funny that they use egg skins." shit in mouth The student asked the teacher: How to write the word shit?The teacher forgot for a while and couldn't answer, so he pondered for a while and said: Hey, I was talking about it just now, why can't I say it again. Village cattle A scholar is good at connecting sentences. He happened to be walking with his friends when he saw two sick horses lying under the city.The friend pointed to it and asked, "I heard that brother Jiecai is good at fighting against each other. Today I want to learn from you face to face."The scholar said: I would like to hear.A friend wrote a title: "Two sick horses in the north of the city."The scholar said to him: "There is a cow in a village in the south of the Yangtze River." plague bull Mr. Confucian classics gave a lesson and said to the students: across the river and horses.The students misunderstood the word Bing as a diseased word, and they responded, "Crossing the River Plague Cow." kind to Some lake swimmers saw a baby horse sticking out from the bank, because a friendly pair among them.Nai Chu said to each other: "A visitor to the lake occasionally sees a horse dick."The friend immediately returned and said: "People who cross the river are used to fucking cows." personal wife On the way, Mr. Lu asked people: It turns out that the old mother of Wu Xia's friend is a brother. crooked poem One person is good at making crooked poems.Occasionally, when I went to a temple, I saw a statue of Zhao Xuantan drinking a tiger on the mountain gate. The scholar was full of poetry, so he chanted: "Xuantan Bodhisattva is angry, and there is a tiger (seat) under his feet."Standing next to him was a judge with a chalky face.When I got inside, I saw the majestic palace, and then I continued the title: "The treasure hall is so majestic and big (degree), and the big Buddha sits in the middle."Manjusri rides a lion, Puxian rides a white rabbit.The monk came out and said: "Xianggong's poems are clever, but the rhyme is not right."How about a little monk returning a song?The scholar said, "very good."The monk Nian said: I went out on the mountain gate road and bumped into a bottle of vinegar.Poetry is not poetry, it should only be broken (broken sound, fart). Hypothesis A mulberry-picking woman, beautiful in appearance, met a madman and asked her, "My lady's name?"The woman said: The surname is Xu.A scholar wrote a poem and said in a play: The lady's surname is Xu, and she carries a mulberry basket in her hand.A gust of wind blows, and when I see that piece, it sounds like a rhyme, because the word means a village custom, so it is pretending to be an allegory.The female intellectual was ridiculed, and asked: What is the name of the official?Answer: Xiaosheng's surname is Lu.The woman also mocked: "The official's surname is Lu, and he refuses to read poems and books."Lingzheng is at home, so that he can communicate with others, and he writes down the characters, and also rhymes with shortened feet.When the scholars heard this, they were furious, and they sued each other against the officials.When an official is promoted, he will thank you for his work. He wrote a poem in class and said: "I am full now, and I don't care about other things."Both parties are driven out, don't bite me, shrink down the word egg. Chanting Poetry There are four people who pride themselves on being able to write poems.One day, when I was visiting the temple together, I saw a bell hanging in the corner of the hall. Everyone was full of poetry, so they combined a poem.One said: There is a bell in the temple.The second rhyme says: the essence is originally copper.The third said: Turn around like a bowl.Four said: "Knock, buzz, buzz."After chanting, they praised each other without saying a word, thinking that poetry is quick and unmatched.But the qi of heaven and earth's good fortune has been exhausted, and it is determined to determine the life of my generation.The four were suspicious and wept together.Suddenly an old man came from outside and asked what was the matter, and everyone told him about it.The old man said: There is no problem with the number of years of life, but each person will be sick for forty-nine days.The crowd asked what the disease was, and the answer was: I have a pain in the bladder! old boy The tiger came back out of the mountain, hungry.The group of tigers said: "Is it true that you don't meet anyone today?"Confrontation: "When you meet, you don't eat."Asked why, he said: I first met a monk who refused to eat because of shame.The second time I met a scholar, he couldn't eat because of the sour gas.The last child was born without food.Question: Why does Tongsheng not eat?Said: I am afraid that I will bite my teeth. Recognize crutches The county magistrate took an examination of Tongsheng, and suddenly heard the noise of drums and horns at night.Asked about it, Menzi reported, "Tong Sheng took out his crutches and fought over there for recognition." pluck beard Tong Sheng had to rush for the exam, and hated the mirror and said: If you don't let me in for a day, I won't let you out for a day! not crowned There are those who are old but not crowned in Tongsheng, and the examiner asks them, and they are lonely and cold without a net.The official said: "Just shaving off your beard is enough to make a net."Confrontation: Tong Sheng also wants to do the same, but the new crown is a happy event, so it is not easy to wear a white net scarf.