Chapter 5 Volume Four

ridicule Huzi's family is poor and exorcises debts, so the mustaches are specially punished.Just because I have no plan to make a living, I am willing to borrow money from the central government. The upper part connects the nostrils, the center of the person, and the lower part is the throat.If it is not redeemed after the expiration date, it will be regarded as a sale of pig comprehensives.The year, month, and day are opened for filling, and the egg bag is used as an intermediary. Oh jelly pen One person saw the volume of Spring, and said: This is not a spring painting, but a summer painting.Otherwise, why be naked?Another person said: "It's not summer painting, it's winter painting."Asked: Why?The answer was: You don't see every painting, where all the beards are frozen pens.

Kidney hair pulling One said to the beard: I dreamed last night that you became an official, the deacon of the banner and umbrella, shouting in unison, so majestic.Beard is overjoyed.The man said again: I scolded you in my dream, and you called Zaoli to beat me, and I grabbed you by the beard.Hu Ziyun: If you scold the officer, you should be beaten.What happened afterwards?The man said: I just woke up, and when I woke up, I still grabbed a handful of egg hairs with one hand and held on tightly. Appearance A fortune teller has no business, so he holds back the fortune teller.The man said: Don't look at each other.The witness was so strong again and again that he had to untie his trousers and issue it, saying: This thing needs to be seen.The person who looked at you looked at it for a long time, and then wrote praises: "Look at you, you were born under the navel, growing between the two arms, soft and soft, facing east and west, hard sheds standing up and down, and rude to wives and concubines. Should be meritorious for descendants.Life is straightforward, and the two sons die.Twenty years of good luck ahead.Ask him what is good for him, and he said: "I have a good beard."

poor There is a beard who is worried about poverty, and a friend jokingly said: "According to my brother's family affairs, there is no less than two thousand gold, so why worry so much?"Hu Zhe said: Where is the two thousand pieces of gold?The friend said: "Brother, there are thousands and seven hundred on the face. Does Lingzheng have no private room?" Peaches kill Or look at the prisoner review, people asked, and the answer was: This year, there are five people who will be imprisoned again, all of whom are of color: one is an idiot, one is a dick, one is blind, one has a beard, and one has dysentery.Asked how the trial was done, the answer was: only beard and dysentery will suffer, and the rest will not die.He asked why again, and said: "I only heard the questioning officer say that Idiots will be killed, those who are upside down will be killed, those who have one eye will be killed, and those with beards will be killed."

Straight Seam Horizontal Seam In an extremely cold place in the north, a woman leaned against a wall to urinate, her urine was already frozen, and her pubic hair was stuck on the stone.Call her husband, and say it with your mouth.Husbands who are short-sighted and bearded will not melt, even the breath will freeze, and the beard and hair will freeze together and cannot be melted.Nai ordered the boy to chisel it open, and said: "Look carefully, chisel down, the hair is connected with the straight seam, and the beard is connected with the horizontal seam." shaved Poor women lie down naked, and children are stolen into their homes, and there is absolutely nothing to take.Because the thief had no time to ask for it, he saw the hairy vulva, so he shaved it and left.The woman wakes up in shock and tells her husband.The husband yelled: "The world is so cruel, even if the hair in the house is shaved off, I can't even walk on the street with beards!"

toss the cat A Taoist priest, a monk, and Huzi are crossing the river. Suddenly, a strong wind blows and the boat capsizes.The monk and the Taoist panicked, and rushed to plunder the scriptures into the river, begging God for help.There is nothing to throw the beards, but to pull out the beards one by one and throw them into the river.The monk and Taoist asked: What is the use of pulling out your beard?The man said: I am throwing hair (anchor) here. beard to cunt Three people, the cobbler and the prostitute, acted at the same table, each with four lines of their own, running through Ye Yun.The tailor said: I lost a back hang, but found a cloak.Changed the back hanging, and dropped the two sleeve barrels.The cobbler said: Lost a pair of shoes, but found a pair of boots.Changed a pair of shoes and dropped two barrels of leather.The prostitute said: Lost a cunt, picked up a beard.Changed a cunt, knocked him out.

no wine A family of banquet guests sits with a beard, the wine boy shrinks back, and the glass is empty.The Lord raised his glass and bowed several times, and Hu Zi said angrily: "An De has wine?"The master scolded Tong why he didn't pour it out, and Tong said: "This gentleman has no mouth."Huzi was very angry, and he uncovered his beard to show, saying: Is this the mouth, or is it your mother's cunt? eat white noodles A monk, a broker, and a prostitute were on the same journey, and when they encountered heavy snow, they went to the ancient temple to avoid it.The three discussed and said: "Today we are waiting here, and each of us will use heavy snow as the topic, and we will insert our own true colors."The monk said: piece by piece, cut the goose feathers and spin them in the air.It fell on my mountain gate, like a white jade palace.The agent said: "Piece by piece, the goose feathers are chopped and cut and rotated in the air."It fell on my plaque like a white jade sword.The prostitute said: "Pieces, cut goose feathers and spin in the air."It lands on my cunt hair like a beard eats white flour.

pass spectrum There is a man who has a beard that is longer than his belly, and when people see him, they all praise him as a beautiful beard.One day, I met Mr. Fengjian and asked him for a look.The minister said: "It's a pity that Zun Zun's beard is shorter."The man said: "My beard has already passed my stomach, and everyone admires it. Why do you think it is short?"Xiang Zhe said: "If it grows an inch longer, it will be easy to pass the spectrum with the following." Liaison Beard and eyebrows said: The situation in today's world is thin, and help is needed. I have already connected with my temples.It seems that you are noble in front of you, but the two of us are in front of you, so it's a good connection.Mei said: "I will not abandon the small things, but I have a shallow foundation. Why not go down to the front gate of Kong's house, where there are lush forests and under the flagpole. The connection is better."

general hu The two discussed together: "The Analects of Confucius" is all about beards.The opening chapter says: If you are not happy, if you are not happy, if you are not a gentleman, these three are good fools; if you are not loyal to others, if you make friends but do not believe them, if you are not used to preaching, these three One is not a good beard; a gentleman is a gentleman, and a strong man is a man of color. These two beards are good and one is not good.Or ask: make almost, make almost.The answer is: the Hu on the top and the Hu on the bottom are always the same. thin beard

A man with a thin beard wants to meet each other, and the fortune teller said: Although the respect is not very rich, he is not too poor.Hu Zheyun: How do you see it?Xiangshi said: "Looking at the needs of the public, it is not enough compared to the top, but more than the bottom." beard medicine With a bald face, he felt that he didn't need a beard and was not a husband. He went to the doctor's shop with money and asked for beard medicine.When the doctor came out, the doctor's wife suddenly spread a saying: You can pump up the urine, roll it around your mouth every day, and it will grow out naturally.When the doctor came back, he asked He Dian, and his wife said: "The doctor has the meaning."When I first married you the day before yesterday, I didn't have any hair. After being bumped by your butt not long ago, I grew a beard all over my face.

ask for a cat A woman was ill and was lying upstairs to be treated.The doctor returned home after buying fish, but was invited to leave on the way, so he put the fish downstairs.When I went upstairs to check my pulse, I suddenly thought of the fish downstairs. I was afraid that the cat would steal it, so I asked: Is there a cat (hair) down there?The mother said by the side: "My son is going to recover from illness. Sir, I ask you, but tell the truth."The woman replied: "There are not many, there are a few." scold less Beard walks, a child said in a play: Beard walks in the wind, only to see the beard but not the mouth.The beard was very angry; he exposed his beard and exposed his mouth, pointed and scolded: "It's not the mouth, but your mother's cunt!"The child was scolded, and returned crying to his mother.The mother said comfortingly: My son, he scolded others, not you.There are not many more on your mother's thing, so let him scold you.

Hu Da ridiculed Yan Hui, Zilu, and Boyu discussed privately, saying: Master only has a beard, so he never loses his words when he speaks.Yan Zi said: "He said to me: Hui Ye, it's a concubine."Zilu said: He said to me, "Yuye, do you know it?"Bo Yu said: "My family respect also said to me: You are Zhou Nan, Zhao Nan."Confucius heard it from behind the screen, and blamed Boyu, saying: "Hui is a short-lived man, so you can't die, just call me a fool."You are my son, how can you also talk about my father? bare ass Those who have a boss with a beard will eat with the bald-faced officials.When I came to the stage, I occasionally brought rice grits, and the doorman knelt down and said: "Master, there is a pearl on the dragon's beard."The official brushes away.The subordinate official went back to the yamen and scolded the door: how clever do you think the door is!Your generation is stupid and cannot be reused.One day, the two officials got together to eat noodles again, and the official held up his chopsticks, and some unindented noodles hung on the corners of his lips.Menzi knelt down anxiously and said, "I'm sorry."Asked what was the matter, and replied: My master has a clean ass, and there is an extra roundworm hanging outside. Grandpa There is a wife who has just conceived and the husband goes out to do business. After ten years, the son is old and has never met.When the father returned home, he broke into his wife's room. When his son saw him suddenly, he shouted, "A man with a beard on his face boldly broke into his mother's room!"His mother said: "My son, don't make a sound, this beard is your own father." beardless dog A blind tax official is afraid that people will deceive him. Every cargo ship passing through the customs must be inspected one by one, so that he can rest assured.One day, a sheep dealer came. It was stipulated that sheep were taxed and dogs were not taxed.The official touched the beard under his neck with his hand, and said angrily: "These slaves are here to lie to me."It's obviously a boatload of sheep, why did the dog have beards! no ass A prince took Sun Xizhong to take a bath, and Sun took a shrimp, and either jumped forward or walked away.Sun Wengong said: "Rush forward and retreat, and rush forward to move forward. I don't know where is the head and where is the tail?"The prince replied: "The one with a beard is the head, and the one without the beard is the buttocks." pluck beard and black One old man had a white beard, so the concubine Ji pulled it out.The concubine sees that there are many white people, and it will be impossible to pull them out, so they will kill all the black ones.After pulling it out, Weng took a mirror to look at himself, and was horrified because he blamed his concubine.The concubine said: "Don't pull out the few ones, but pull out the many ones?" white beard The old prostitute is nearly sixty years old, and she still leans on the door to receive guests.One man nailed it, and saw that his pubic hair was grizzled, and said, "It's time to use black beard medicine."The prostitute asked: When should the medicine be applied?The answer: put it on overnight.The prostitute shook her head and said, "To tell you the truth, if there is no free time for this night, let him go for nothing." yellow beard One person has a yellow beard, and he always boasts in front of his wife: "There is no weak man with a yellow beard, and he will not be bullied all his life."One day when he went out, he was beaten and returned home. His wife laughed at him.The answer was: The beard of the man who knew it was red. old skin Or ask: What is the hardest thing in the world?Said: Stone and steel.The man said: "Stones can be crushed, iron can be chiseled, how hard is it?"From my brother's point of view, my mustache is the hardest on my brother's face, and it is not as good as iron and stone.Asked why, and replied: "Look at how thick-skinned my brother is, he got out through the door."The bearded man laughed back and said: "The skin under the feet is even older, and such hard beards can't penetrate it!" Fat sex The couple are obese, and every time they have sex, they are often hindered by their stomachs and cannot enjoy themselves.A boy said: I'll tell you a trick, it's better to get in from behind the buttocks.The couple followed him, and it was really fast.The next day, I saw my son and asked, "Where did you learn the method you taught me yesterday?"The answer is: I am not following others. I often see male dogs and female dogs doing things like that. Soap dry method An official couple is fat, and every time they have sex, their stomachs get in the way twice, and there is never a season for free sex.One day, when the official was sitting in the hall, he saw a Li Weiwei who was abnormally fat. He expected that there must be a good method for his sympathy.After the trial, I called to the back hall to inquire: "Your belly is very big. What method do you use when you have intercourse, so that the two things can make do without being hindered by your belly?"Li said: "Every time the little one comes to have sex, he orders his wife to sit on a big chair, spread her legs apart, and stand up and do things by herself. They are close to each other, so there is no danger of obstruction."The official nods first.At night, it will be done according to the law.Grandma felt very happy, and asked: Who taught it?The official said: Zaoli.Grandma shrugged her buttocks in a bumpy shape, and said: "What a soap, it's so refreshing!"In the coming day, I will reward him with two loads of old white rice. Truncated The husband asked his wife, "Is it better to make this thing long or short?"The wife really likes to be long, so she should say: "Short is better."The husband said: "It's too long to wait for me. It's better to cut off a section."Hold a knife and chop.The wife was anxious, and she stopped and said: "Although it has grown a little, it is the remains of my parents, and I can't move it at all." long egg sigh When an official arrives, he must call three brothers when he issues a ticket, a fat man, an eldest son, and a short man for backup, and those with different surnames are not allowed to see him.There are four brothers in a family, only one is fat and the other is short. Privately, they discussed: Among the four, there are both fat and short, and only one is missing, so I have to sew the two shorts into long trousers, and connect them together to pretend to be the elders. , I feel fully prepared.Do as planned.The official was overjoyed when he saw it, and the hairpin flower worked hard to drink.The three of them were honored and favored for a while, but they suffered from being low and oppressed.When the official heard it, he asked, "How loud is it down below?"The crowd panicked and said, "This is the long egg sighing." The dwarf looks at the lamp The dwarf was looking at the lamp, and it was suitable for one person to urinate, so he slipped under his legs.Seeing Juewu, he praised and said: "What a hydrangea lamp, why don't you light a candle?"After drowning, he dripped urine on the dwarf's head, touched it with his hand and said: "No, go back quickly, it's raining heavily!" kiss A dwarf is newly married and kisses more than a hundred times in bed.The woman asked why, and replied, "I'm going down, and I won't be able to come up for half a day." fan pendant A man with a big fan met a dwarf and put the fan on his head and said: "I want to use my brother's power to make a fan and drop ears."The dwarf was furious and scolded: "Fucking mother thief!"If you use me as a fan pendant, I'll kick you to death! stranded The dwarf traveled in a boat, and because it ran aground, he raised it up and fell into the water, drowning his neck in the water.The dwarf got up and said angrily: I am stranded in the depths. Blind Syrian alliance The three blind men got together and formed an alliance, talking about their teeth to divide their elders and younger ones.One person said: It doesn't matter how old you are, just look at the blind man first, and let him be the eldest brother.One person said: I am not born at the age of one, and it is my turn to be the elder.Then he said: I have bad eyes within a hundred days, so I should be the boss.The third said: Don't mention it, I was blind from the womb.The two said, "what's the matter?"The answer was: Otherwise, why did you call me a blind pussy when I was a kid! Blind laugh A blind person sits with everyone, and everyone laughs when they see it, and the blind person laughs too.The crowd asked, "Why do you laugh when you see it?"The blind man said: "Everyone laughs, it must be good. Could it be that you lied to me?" Beaten The two blind people walked together and said: "In the world, only the blind are the best."People with eyes are busy all day long, and farmers are even more so. How can we keep our minds at ease.All the farmers eavesdropped on it, pretending to be an official fault, saying that they had failed to avoid it, and beat each of them with a hoe and went away.After eavesdropping, a blind person said: "After all, it is good to be blind. If you have eyes, you will be punished if you beat me!" eat snails There was a blind man who ate snails in the summer and moon, and fell to the ground with a snail by mistake.He lowered his head to search for it, accidentally picked up chicken feces and put it in his mouth, and said to people: "It's so hot that things only fall to the ground. How can it smell so fast!" not far The blind man and his wife slept together, and the wife made a secret promise to have sex with him.The husband asked, "Where is the sound of joy?"Wife said: I think it's the partition, don't worry about him.After a while, there was another sound, and the blind man said, "It's strange, the scene of this sound is not far away." one-eyed The two brothers went to bathe in the river together.The elder brother's penis was bitten by the water snake and he couldn't get it off, and the younger brother wanted to cut it with a knife.Brother said: "Look carefully at the knife."The two-eyed one is the snake head, and the one-eyed one is the scorpion. brother recognition plaque The three brothers are all short-sighted, and they are the same guest.On the hall hangs a plaque in the Hall of Remains of Remains, and Bo said: The master originally suffered from this disease, otherwise, why would he take the ejaculation room.After looking carefully for a long time, he said: No.I think the master is good at Taoism, so it is named Taoqingtanger.The two argued endlessly, and Jidi had better eyesight, so they could tell.Nai stared at him for a long while, and said, "You two are delusional, and there is a plaque on it!" gold paint box As soon as I went out with myopia, I saw a lot of cow dung on the street, and thought it was a box left by a passerby.He held it with both hands, and when he saw it was rotten and wet, he sighed and said: "What a box, it's a pity that the paint is not dry." Ask for directions A nearsighted man lost his way, saw a crow perched on a rock beside the road, suspected it was a human being, and questioned him again and again.After a while, the crow flew away, and the man said: "If I ask you if you don't agree, your hat was blown off by the wind, and I won't tell you either!" face A villager brought a goose into the market, saw it with nearsightedness, thought it was a cloth seller, and repeatedly called for cloth.The villagers should not respond, and rushed forward to grab the goose's tail, forcing them to look at it.The goose suddenly sprinkled feces and sprayed it on its face.Myopia said angrily: If you don't sell it, just let it go, it's worth the hassle, so let's get angry (spray)! Dark clouds meet the sun The myopic person goes to the banquet and eats red persimmons with a beard on the table, and then says farewell to the host and says: "Lu Yuan is leaving."The Lord said: It is very early.Answer cloud: I am afraid that it will rain in the sky, and the dark clouds will meet the sun over there. Nose Shadow as Jujube The nearsighted person pays a visit, and the host stays and waits for tea.After eating the tea fruit, I looked at the shadow of the nose in the tea and thought that there were olives, so I couldn't stop touching it.After a long time, I was very angry, so I picked it up with my fingers and bit it as hard as I could, and the blood came out from the finger.Myopia is recognized carefully, and he said: Speech!I only thought it was an olive, but it turned out to be a red date. shrimp paste A villager passed by carrying dung, and his eyesight called out: "Bring shrimp paste."The villagers didn't know it, so they hurriedly picked it up and left.When myopia caught up, he held a handful of dung in his hand, smelled it on his nose, and cursed: "It stinks already, what a strange product, and such a market!" Doubtful A near-sighted man saw a fish and thought it was a duck egg. He held it and his stomach collapsed.Surprised, he said: "How come the duckling came out so fast, but the eggshell collapsed." pick up ants A nearsighted person walking along the road sees ants forming an array, densely packed in a row, suspecting that it is an object, and picks it up.I couldn't afford it, so I sighed and said, "it's a pity that a good thread is so ruined that it's broken." check wallet Myopia goes out during the new year, picks up a firecracker, mistakenly believes that someone else has lost a wallet, and is happy to get rich in the new year, so it is hidden in the sleeve.At night, when the lamp was turned on, the medicine thread was mistakenly ignited by the fire, and it made a sound immediately.Fang Zai was surprised, and next to a deaf man stroked his back and said: "It's a pity that a flower club broke up like this for no reason." close eye The wife pointed to the female household and said to her husband: "This thing is your favorite, why don't you give it to him with a beautiful title?"The husband said: If you love it, it is called Quyan.The woman pointed to the back court and said, "You use him sometimes, so you should take a good name."The husband said, "He is close to Quyan, so we call him Near Quyan." ginkgo eye A girl who is young and promises to marry a big man, the marriage is approaching.The mother is worried that she can't bear it on the night of her first marriage, so why not grease the chicken with a little oil first, and break up with you in advance, so as to save temporary hardship.The woman contains it.Unexpectedly, it slipped into the female in a slippery manner, and could not get out, so the egg was passed through the door.The husband held his stomach for a long time, but his mouth was blocked and difficult to enter, so he yelled, "The matchmaker misled me and married a stone girl!"The mother didn't believe it, so she said to her daughter-in-law: "My aunt and daughter-in-law are fine, how about seeing me?"After watching it, he scolded his son and said: "Bastard, you are worthless for half the world, and you can't recognize it with a ginkgo eye!" Bleach eye A person with bleached eyes and a red nose met, and the person with the red nose said: "I want to start a dyeing workshop, and it will cost a lot of money, so the nose is dyed red."Chibi replied: "I don't dare, it's only light-colored."How to respect the eyes, it is interesting to bleach. deaf A doctor who was deaf went to a family to see a woman.Question: Is the lotus heart good to eat?The doctor said: If gluten is sick, you can't eat it.The sick woman said, "It's lotus meat."The doctor said: Even salt meat, you should eat less.The sick woman said: Mr. is deaf.The doctor said: "If the buttocks are red, I'm afraid it will be swollen, but I have to take it off. I'll see if I can use it." yawn A deaf man was visiting a friend, and the dog saw him barking endlessly, but the man didn't realize it.When I saw the owner, I bowed and said: "The dog in the house is respected. I think it didn't sleep last night."The Lord asked: How did you see it? Answer: I just yawned when I saw my younger brother. fire disease A deaf man was looking at a visitor. Seeing a dog barking in the rain, he sighed and said: "This dog has a fire syndrome, and it is thirsty. Just open its mouth to drink water." taboo deaf Two people who are deaf and mute each want to hide their own secrets.One day, a deaf-mute begged him to sing a song.A dumb person knows that he is deaf, so he opens and closes his lips and claps his hands to make joints.The deaf man listened to it for a long time, and when he saw his lips live, he praised and said, "It's wonderful, it's wonderful!"I haven't listened to good news for a long time, and this time I made more progress. Asshole A guest was very close to the prostitute, and said goodbye to the prostitute, saying: "The love is deep, and I would like to have a token. Seeing things is like seeing your face."Prostitutes don't want sachets and sweat towels as gifts.Ask: What do you love?The answer is: I want to get a piece of meat from Qingyin.The prostitute said: Yes.But I have to ask my mother.Bustard said: Fart!One lonely old man cuts off a piece, and hundreds of lonely old men cut off thousands of dollars to grow a pussy, and that one will still want you! numb ass As the saying goes: If the feet are numb, stick firewood to the center of the eyebrows, and stop immediately.Paste it on the forehead one by one.People asked: why?Answer: My ass is numb. Egg bag At the age of Wen Zong, there was a roll call, and the official was good at reading other characters. Yu Jintu, who was the first, wrongly called everyone back, and all living beings heard about it, and all fell back.The second name was Pan Chuancai, and he called again by mistake, and all the students ran forward again.The master was furious and chased him away.The third Lin Maofa came forward to thank him and said: "Thank you, Great Master. If you don't dismiss this person, the students will call him a hemp egg bag." pockmarked eggs The sesame seed maker saw a scholar passing by, and asked, "Do you want to buy sesame seeds?"The scholar replied: I am a scholar, and I want pockmarked eggs to bite! red nose An official passed by, and there was a red-nosed person by his side. Zaoli drank and said: "The master only wants to take wine, so hurry up!"The man had nowhere to dodge, so he had to stuff his nose into the crack of the board.The official has passed, and the people inside saw and scolded: "This man is not up to date, how many toilets outside, how can he pour into other people's houses to pee!" Nosed dog When a weasel is chased by a dog, it farts to touch its nose.There was a male rat looking for food in the field, but was chased away by a dog. The rat wolf farted several times, and chased him even worse.But he ran away with all his strength, and complained to the female mouse at the hole.The female mouse said: Where is your fart for self-defense?Said: He even spat a few farts, completely ignoring it.The female mouse said: I know, it is definitely a dog with a nose. drink wine A and B both have noses.Armor can't rule Cambodia by setting up a table. One drawing scale, one ruler, and one broom.When B saw it, he understood and said: Scale (please) ruler (eat) broom (wine).B answers the card, draws a centipede and an axe.A saw it, nodded and said: Centipede (kungfu) axe (husband). smelly mouth Or drink orders, all must be on the person, saying something that must be otherwise.One person said: "The nostrils have to be down. If they are up, how about rain falling inside?"One person said: the soles of the feet should be in the front, if they are in the back, how about being stepped on by others?One person said: women's penis grows straight, if it grows horizontally, how about inserting the rice spinach on the back of the spinach?One person said: the butthole is in the buttocks, if it is in the face, how good is the smell?The commander said: "This sentence should be punished."The asshole is all born on the face, if you don't believe it, the old man in front of you respects his mouth, so it smells so bad! nasal tolerance A person suffers from bad breath, and a friend asked: No matter what others do, how did your own nose get better?Others replied: "If you make his nose, it smells as bad as you want, so just be patient with him." Garlic cure bad breath People with bad breath ask people: Is there a good way to cure bad breath?Answer: Eating garlic is excellent.The questioner was surprised by the stink, and said: Although the garlic stinks, it still stinks right. dysentery Northland pears are very good.When people from the north go to the south, they can't eat pears. Because the people from the south have bought radishes, they say: "This pear is also produced locally in my hometown."The northerners said: If you eat this thing, it will smell bad when you turn the breath, and the taste will be spicy. You should only call it a stinky spicy pear. Disabled son-in-law The family has three sons-in-law, all with disabilities.The first time is dysentery, the second time nasal discharge, and the second time suffering from madness.When Weng was entertaining guests one day, the third son-in-law was sitting there, fearing that they would reveal their true colors, watch and watch, and ordered them to restrain themselves.The three are the only ones.At the middle table, everyone couldn't bear it. The eldest son-in-law said, "it's strange to come up from the mountain and meet a deer."When people asked what it was like, they had dysentery and sores on their head. They punched their heads all over their heads and said, "There is one horn on this side, and one horn on that side. There are countless horns growing all over the head."Secondly, there is a long runny nose, and there is no way to wipe it off. Then the voice said: "If I see it, I will pull up my bow, shoot an arrow from the shed, and quickly make my right hand into a bow, and wipe my nose away, and all the tears will be wiped away."The third man itched all over his body and couldn't help it, he hurriedly pulled his back and shrugged: "You are so bold, you still want to shoot him!"See me, almost scared to death, almost scared to death. Crooked pussy A maidservant was born in Renwu who had an affair with Chen Wuzhi.One day fortune-telling, telling birth date.The Xingjia arranged four pillars and said: "The lady is raised by Renwu."The woman thought that he was supported by Chen Wu, so she said: You only tell fortunes, don't mind your own business.Xingjia replied: I am a famous iron mouth, don't blame me for talking.You Renwu was ordered to commit peach blossoms. You have been lonely all your life.The maidservant criticized him for being private, so she scolded angrily: "Blind thief, forget it!"The star also said angrily: "This crooked cunt is so hateful!"The woman said: I met Chen Wu once, and he recognized it.Today he said that I have a crooked cunt, could it be that this thing is a little different?But he put one foot on the stool, unbuttoned his trousers and looked at it, but unexpectedly it was biased.Because of admiration, he said: "It's a real god!"Otherwise, why did he see a crooked cunt? pigeon tongue Those who have a tongue that is astringent are common sayings.When I came to the city to buy tung oil, I said to the shopkeeper: I want to buy tung tung, and I can't say the oil.The shopkeeper laughed and said: You can play bronze drums, why don't you beat the bronze gongs and listen to me?The pigeon said angrily: "Don't come and scratch me face to face." cross the bridge A man from the village came back from the city and said to his wife, "I have played countless blows in the city."Wife said: It's all because I miss you at home.The next day, he picked manure to cross the dangerous bridge, and he beat it several times in a row, and almost lost his footing.Nai scolded and said: "Sao Hua Niang, even if you think about me, you have to look at where!" big ears A prostitute has too much bitter pubic hair, which is disgusted by clients and calls for an imperial edict to shave it off.The caller worried that he would not come, and shaved his face with false words.When it arrived, the prostitute said, "I asked you to shave your face. It's a small face, not a big face."That is to say, the Yin thing is solved and shown.After the imperial edict was shaved, the prostitute said, "Since the small face is shaved, the small ears must be taken. Wait for me to come up with the news."The trousers are released immediately and thrown into the vagina.Suddenly he was surprised and said: "Unexpectedly, there is such a big ear on such a small face." tilt head Yousu suffers from impotence and gets a bride at home.In the first night of sexual intercourse, I suffered from the inability to lift things. After playing for a long time, I finally couldn't enter.The woman said angrily: "It's useless to be straight, your head is tilted here and there, what else do you want to earn!"The husband replied with a tricky word: "You don't know, I was born with a tilted head, so I have to let him in." Sit down Eyes and eyebrows said: I have many uses, you can do nothing, but sit on top of me.Eyebrow said: I was useless, but without me, you still look like a human being! straight back A blind man, a dwarf man, and a hunchback man competed for a seat while eating and drinking, and each said: "The one who talks big will sit first."The blind man said, "I don't see anyone, so I should sit."The dwarf said: I am not taller than ordinary people, so I should sit.The hunchback said: Don't argue, you all have straight backs (nephews), so naturally you should let me sit. camel uncle A hunchback came to the banquet and took the seat calmly.All the guests are together, feeling uneasy, and returning to humility.All the guests said: "Uncle Tuo, please take a seat. How dare you (nephew) stand upright." good fart There are those who are good at farting, go to the blacksmith's shop to strike iron, and only then can they negotiate the price, and they will fart more than ten times.The craftsman said: "You have so many farts. If you can spread a hundred of them in a row, I will give you an iron pole for free."The man put a hundred of them, and the craftsman had to give them away.Before going out, he spat dozens of farts again, and said to the craftsman, "It's not a lot."These little farts, beg me for a few palladium-headed nails. Patriarch Hall Suddenly there was a smell of fart in the patriarch's hall. Everyone pushed each other and denied it, but they pushed the patriarch and said: "You are the right ancestor, and you receive incense from the ten directions. How do you fart?"The patriarch started arguing and said, "There are still four generals, why push me alone?"The four generals also argued, "There are still turtles and snakes."The snake said: I can't let it out because of my small belly, it must be this turtle! One said that the patriarch argued, "There are still four generals."Four will shirk each other.Guan Shengpong set up Guan Ping and said: Those who fart will surely blush.Guan Sheng said angrily: You are my son, and you have come to wrong me! fart A woman who is good at farting, a woman and a maidservant are married along with the newlyweds, and she is told to cover up her shame by admitting farts.When approaching the worship hall, she suddenly let out a fart, and Gu Yu said: This old mother is disrespectful!After a short while, another fart, the maidservant said: "This girl is so hateful!"Then there was a second fart, looking left and right, but the concubines and maidservants were not there, so there was nothing to say, but he said: This ass is not serious. fart maid A maid accidentally farted in front of the master, the master was angry and wanted to attack him.Seeing his very white buttocks, he didn't feel angry, not only exempted from responsibility, but also had sex with him.Tomorrow, when the master is in the study, he suddenly hears a knock on the door, and he opens the door to see that it is the servant girl from yesterday.When asked why, the answer was: I just gave another fart just now. chisel head Several people are in the same boat, there is someone who is farting, and everyone suspects a boy, and they chisel his head together.The boy cried and said: Amitabha.It's fine for others to beat me, but thanks to that farting turtle, he can lift his hand and beat me too! Fart on the road In the past, there were three people who ordered to go up the mountain to meet an ancient man, go down the mountain to meet another ancient man, and see an object on the way. The last sentence should summarize the two sentences before and after.One person said: "I met Di Qing when I went up the mountain, and Li Bai when I went down the mountain. I found a bottle of wine on the way. I don't know if it is sake or baijiu."One person said: "I met Fan Kuai when I went up the mountain, and Zhao Dun when I went down the mountain. I picked up a sword on the way. I don't know if it is a sharp sword or a blunt sword."One person said: I met Lin Fang when I went up the mountain, and Jia Dao when I went down the mountain. On the way, I picked up a fart. fart Chuan Da hid under someone's bed, and suddenly let out a loud fart.The husband scolded his wife, and the wife said: You farted, and you wronged me!There was a lot of quarreling.The thief had no choice but to come out and confess: This fart was actually put by the thief. eat fart During the banquet, there was a fart, and everyone shirked each other.The one inside said: "Everyone, please have a drink each, and wait for the younger brother to talk."After everyone had finished drinking, the man said, "This fart is really from my younger brother."The crowd refused to accept it, and said: Why did you fart, but you want all of us to eat it! Ou face ring Only one person can accompany the guests, and I will spout a fart occasionally.Feeling ashamed, trying to cover it up, he pretended to rub his finger on the table and make a noise.The guest said: The first sound is still very close. Frog cries A and B's mother-in-law will kiss each other, and B even farts, and A asks: "Mother-in-law, how loud is it?"B was afraid of being indecent, so he replied, "The frog crows."A said: Why can it smell?B said: "It's dead."He asked again: "It will be called at the right time, how can it be dead?"Yi said: If you cry, you will die. no hey All the wine orders, please drink.There was a fart in the banquet, and the official said: "No, I will punish you with a cup."The man said: It's fart sound.The ordering officer said: "No, I'll fine you another drink."Sit up and laugh.The ordering officer said: "Everyone in the seat is not happy, and everyone will be fined a cup." Afraid of the cold Or ask: What in the world is not afraid of the cold?Said: runny nose, the weather will come out immediately.Ask again: What is the most afraid of the cold?Said: Fart, just left the hole buttocks, and then drilled into the nostrils. big tits A woman has two huge breasts, which are tied with a tube top every time.One day, I forgot to wear a tube top and went out to meet people occasionally.The man wondered and asked, "When was your son born?"The woman said: "I haven't given birth yet."The man asked, "Since you are not your son, what is that bag on your chest?" back scratch The old man continued to marry another woman, and she went to eavesdrop at midnight, but she was happy when she heard it, and she called it refreshing frequently.The son was overjoyed and said: "My father is still so energetic in his old age. This is also a sign of longevity."On closer inspection, it was the woman who ordered her to scratch her back. good lice There is a person who is good at breeding lice, and he says that he only has twelve lice a year.He asked why, and said: The lice on my body is really one per month. Praise A man was a guest in another country, and when he saw the natives, he asked, "Do people in your land like big dicks?"The natives were very happy, and replied: Sure enough, but I don't know how the respected guest knows?The man said: I went whoring at your place for a few nights and felt that the penis here is wider than other places, so I know. belongings A woman is beautiful, but the poor man wants to marry her, fearing that she will not allow him, so he bribes the matchmaker to say that his family is rich.The woman Xuzhi went through the door and saw that the walls were desolate and the family had no long-term possessions, so she knew that she had fallen into a trap.Noir burst into tears, resenting the matchmaker.The poor man held out his phallus, which was unusually large, put it on the table and knocked it several times, and still put it away, saying: I didn't boast that other people's capital was kept at home, and mine was with me.If the lady doesn't want to, please come back.The woman hurriedly hid her tears in the interview and said: Who said what you came. the stomach For those who are not married, the father will urinate, and the obscene things will be seen by the women.I asked my mother, "What is that?"It is inconvenient for the mother to speak out, so she replied: "The belly that was hung out."The daughter is married to Ning, and the mother is worried about the poverty of her son-in-law's family, and persuades her to stay for a long time, saying that her husband's family does not have enough firewood and rice.The woman said: If people are poor, they will be poor. If they are happy, their stomachs are okay, so they are willing to endure some hunger. giant egg After one person died, Pluto was punished and turned into a donkey.The man begged and begged to be allowed to restore his original form and let him come back to life.Because of the haste, there are still donkey eggs that have not changed.After waking up, I want to change again, but I still restore my body.His wife tried to stop him and said: "The king of Hades is not easy to talk, so he has to do what I can't do, and suffer a little bit." egg A man ordered his wife to make shoes and said angrily: "You are not too small, the shoes are too small!"The wife also said angrily: You should be too big, but the big one is on this foot! Prime Minister There is a housewife who is doted on by her master, and her companion asks her status privately, and replies: "Your appearance is really different."When asked why, the answer was: egg sacs are all soft. When eggs A woman has a lot of power, and the husband is not satisfied with what she wants, so she uses a belt to tie her yang behind her, and she deceives her, saying: "Because I need it very urgently, I don't want to ask you for it. I have already given this thing as a tael of silver."The wife touched it, but she couldn't see it, so she hurriedly took two taels of silver to pay her husband, and ordered him to redeem it quickly. She said: "If there is someone who should grow up in the pawn, I would rather add some silver and return it with one."You weird little thing, let it go. Japanese thorn Two women, A and B, sit opposite each other, and each asks the husband about the size of the utensils and his tricks. Since it is inconvenient to speak clearly, they compare each other.Jia said: My house is made of cymbal bowls for side dishes.B asked why, and A said, the urine is not small, but the amount is not much, the best is no more than four dishes.Yi said: "It's okay, it's not like my family's stuff, it's actually a Japanese thorn."A asked why, and B said: "It's small and fast." sharp knife When the groom had sex for the first time, the wife readily accepted it and never refused.After finishing the work, he shouted loudly: "There are robbers, there are robbers!"The bridegroom said: I am the husband, how can I say that I am a robber.The bride said: "Since you are not a robber, why did you bring a knife?"The husband said: Where is the knife?The woman pointed to it and said, "Isn't this a knife?"The bridegroom said: "This is a penis. Why do you think it is a knife?"The bride said: If it wasn't for the knife, why is it so fast! deflated thing An old man married a young woman, and he said to the woman: May you raise a son.The woman said: "The son can't raise it, so I have to raise a turtle."The husband asked why, and replied: "How can you not raise turtles with such a flat thing like you?" Hard CSI For those who are sick, the left kidney will tell the belly about the unevenness of the furniture.The left kidney felt that the strong and the good occupied too much, and used generous gifts to accept it in the penis, and asked it to make a hard evidence in the petition.And in the trial, the left kidney is very resistant to discrimination, but the penis shrinks its head and does not say a word.The belly blames the genitals and says: You have jumped the beam straight from the sun, why are you so weak today, why don't you talk straight?The answer was: Seeing that my master is struggling, I have no choice but to shrink back.