Chapter 6 Volume Five

forgetful A man went to the garden with a knife to cut bamboo, and he felt anxious, so he put the knife on the ground and came out of the garden to respect.Suddenly he raised his head and said: "I want bamboo at home. There are many good bamboos here, but I didn't bring a knife."After solving it, seeing the knife on the ground, he said happily: "Heaven follows people's wishes, I don't know who lost the knife here."Fang Zezhu wanted to kill him, but when he saw the feces left behind, he cursed and said: "Who did it? This pus and blood almost swallowed my feet."Arriving at home in a moment, he wandered outside the door and said, "who lives here?"The wife sees it, knows it and forgets it, and scolds it.The man said sadly: "The lady is quite kind-hearted, and she has never offended her. How can she scold her when she speaks?"

in a trance The three of them were lying together, one of them felt his legs were itchy, and he was in a trance, so he scratched and crawled on the second person's legs with all his strength, the itching didn't go away, and the scratching got worse, until he bleeds.The second person touched the wet place with his hands, thinking that the third person was drowning, so he got up.The third person drowned, but the next door was a restaurant, and the sound of the wine dripped continuously, thinking that he hadn't finished drowning, so he stood there until dawn. make a bow The two parents met on Tutu, one impatient and the other slow.Those who are slow-tempered bow down to the ground, and thank you in their mouths: I am disturbed by worshiping festivals on New Year's Day, watching lanterns on Lantern Festival, watching dragon boats on Dragon Boat Festival, playing with the moon on Mid-Autumn Festival, admiring chrysanthemums on Chongyang Festival, and being disturbed on festivals. I am ashamed that I have not repaid.And it's been a long time since I finished speaking.Those who are impatient are too annoying, so avoid it earlier.Slow-tempered people turn a blind eye and ask people, "When did my in-laws go?"The man said: After looking at the lamp, it disappeared. It has been more than half a year!

hot clothes One is the most impatient, and the other is the most slow, gathering around the stove to drink in winter.The impatient person's clothes fell into the furnace and was ignited by the fire, while the slow-tempered person saw it calmly and said: "There is a matter, I have seen it for a long time, if you want to speak out, you may be impatient, and if you don't speak, you may be harmful to you, but it is right to say it." Don't say yes?The impatient asked what was the matter, and said, "burn your clothes on fire."The man hurriedly got up from his clothes and said angrily: "In this case, why didn't you say it earlier!"Those who are slow-tempered say: The outsider Daojun is impatient, but he didn't expect it.

show off The in-laws bought a new bed, and the workmanship was extremely beautiful. They thought to themselves: such a good bed, if the in-laws don't see it, they will bury themselves in vain.He pretended to be sick and lay down in bed so that his relatives could visit him.The in-laws over there made a new pair of trousers and wanted to show off, so they were happy to visit when they heard the disease.When it came, he set it up with one foot, so he opened the clothes and made the trousers appear outside. Fang asked, "what disease is my father-in-law infected, and it has been cleared so far?"The sick man said: "My younger brother's ailment is like a heart disease with my father-in-law."

tea tasting The in-laws in the country visit the city, and the in-laws in the city treat them with Songluo spring water tea.The villagers repeatedly praised and said: good, good.The father-in-law thought that he could measure things, so he asked: "The in-laws agreed, which is better, tea or water?"The villagers replied: "It's so hot." image out The in-laws in the country went to the in-laws' study in the city, read the article, and shook their heads.The in-laws said: "Is there nothing proud of my father-in-law?"Answer: Exactly.After looking at it for a long time, there was not a single Buddha statue on it.

stubborn There are fathers and sons who are stubborn, and usually refuse to let people.One day, the father had dinner with him, and ordered the son to go into the city to buy some meat.After buying the son, he was about to go out of the city gate, when a person came facing him, each of them refused to give in, so he stood upright for a long time.The father found it and saw it, and said to the son, "take the meat back quickly, and wait for me to confront him." emergency The master is in a hurry, and the servant has committed a crime. He repeatedly shouted: "Family law!"No, the more irritable you run.The family said: Don't be upset, my husband, please slap him twice first, and you should be in a hurry.

bucket One person stays with friends for a night drink, and the other person resigns firmly.A friend investigated the reason and said: To tell the truth, Jianjing has the most aggressive temperament, and there is still a barrel left. If he returns late, he will suffer a lot.He raised his arms and said, "How can a man make such a reason!"Throw me and his wife out of nowhere, shout loudly and say, "What will happen to you?"The man knelt down on both knees and said: "Just leave me!" Masao Tsuna Those who are afraid of their wives, each suffers from the brutality of their wives, entangle ten people to make a blood oath to support each other.I was drinking to reward the gods, and I didn't want all the women to hear about it, so they went to the League Office together.Nine people ran and fled in a panic, and the only one sat still.All of them admired each other privately and said: "He Wu Naier, you should let him be the eldest brother."Shaoqing's wife was scattered, and upon inspection, she was frightened to death.

please fuck Yiwu Bian was afraid of guilt, with scars on his face.Colleagues said: "The person who ascends the altar to issue orders is controlled by a woman, why is it beautiful?"Bian said: It is caused by accumulated weakness, and it cannot be rectified for a while.Colleagues said: swordsmen and soldiers can all help their brothers.When he roared, the shilling sergeant put on his clothes, stood beside him with spears and halberds, and then refused him.He is photographed by the military power, dare not surrender!Bian follow it.And when the team was set up and the bow and arrow were stretched, his wife saw him and shouted, "what do you want to do if you pretend to be like this?"When I heard this, I felt very timid, and hurriedly knelt down and said, "I have no other intentions, please invite grandma to practice in the teaching field."

tiger Someone was beaten by his wife, and he went to sue his friend, who taught him: "My brother is used to cowardice, so he must show some tigerish power."My friend's wife heard it from behind the screen, and said, "what if you are a tiger?"You Jing knelt down and said: If I am a tiger, you are Li Cunxiao. Visit class Those who are afraid of internal affairs, who want to visit their kind, worship ten brothers.There are nine people in the city, and one is missing because they are out of the city to visit.Seeing a person push the toilet out, all the people said in unison: "This must be my generation."When they met each other, the man waved his hand and said: "It's not good for me to be the first one outside the city. Instead, I will be the tenth one in your city."

spit green phlegm The two fears of internal disease both become ill due to accumulated stagnation, one spit out red phlegm, and the other spit out green phlegm.Because I went to a doctor's home for treatment, the doctor said: "Red phlegm comes out of the lungs, which can still be treated, and green phlegm comes out of the gallbladder, which cannot be cured. It can be treated later."The man asked why the gallbladder came out, and he said to him: "The gallbladder was shattered, so I spit out green phlegm. Since the gallbladder is broken, how can I cure it?" Resolve old grudges

Those who are afraid of the mother-in-law, after the death of the mother-in-law, see the image of the mother-in-law hanging by the side of the coffin, because of old hatred, they use fists to imitate it.Suddenly the wind blew the shaft, and he hurriedly withdrew his hands and said in shock: "I'm just joking." imperial edict An official bought a concubine, afraid of his wife, not free, and said angrily: "I have to play a book."But he wrapped a silk calendar with a yellow burden, and returned from the outside, saying to his wife: "This is the purpose of the imperial edict."The wife is quite afraid.One day my husband went out, and I looked at it privately, and saw that the first month was big, and the second month was small. Xi Yun: So the emperor also has size.Look at the big ones in March and the young ones in April: they are evenly divided.At the age of May, June, July, and August, they were very angry and said: There is such an unjust emperor, the cool weather is actually taken by him, how can he assign the hot weather to me? ! eat dream vinegar A person who is afraid of the inside suddenly laughs in his dream.The wife woke up and said: "What did you dream about, and you are so proud of it?"The husband can't hide it, but said: "I dream of marrying a concubine."The wife was furious, so she knelt down on the bed and raised her family-finding staff.The husband said: How can dreams be regarded as real things?The wife said: You are allowed to have other dreams, but you are not allowed to have this kind of dream.The husband said: Just stop doing it in the future.Wife said: You do it in a dream, how do I know?The husband said: In this case, wait until I wake up every night until dawn, and then dare not sleep again. Grape rack poured There was an official who was afraid of internal affairs and was smashed by his wife one day.Tomorrow in the hall, the eunuch asked him when he saw it, and the official said to him: "When I was in the cool at night, the grape trellis fell down, so I scratched it."The eunuch didn't believe it, and said: "This must be broken by your wife, and I will send Zaoli to bring it."Unexpectedly, grandma was eavesdropping in the back hall and rushed out of the hall in a rage.The prefect panicked and said to the official, "if you leave for a while, the grape rack in my inner office will also fall down." Crush the Chamber Pot The sick wife was jealous, and told a friend, saying: "Whoever buys a maidservant, I can't tolerate it, and I have to sell it first."A friend said: "The humble thorn is even worse. Not only can the maidservant not tolerate it, but she is not allowed to have a beautiful servant, and she must be driven away."Another friend nearby said, "Two brothers, I advise you, it's considered wise to be like your old sister-in-law."Just look at my room. Not only are maids and servants not allowed, but they are also not allowed to buy chamber pots without permission, until they are smashed. hand hard A fortune-teller said to people, "A man's hand is like a gun, and a woman's hand is like ginger. They can't eat rice or wear clothes in their lives."One person said happily: "If this is the case, my room is a good fortune."People ask: How can you see it?Answer: Last night in bed, he thought I couldn't enjoy myself, so he slapped me, and today I'm still hot. dumb A son-in-law has a stupid name, and his uncle pointed to Yang Yu in front of the door and asked, "What is the use of this thing?"The son-in-law said: When the tree grows bigger, the wheels can also be made.Uncle Xi said: "People say that the son-in-law is stupid, it is all false."When I came to the kitchen, I saw the grinding sauce bowl, and the son-in-law said again: "This bowl is big, and the stone mortar can also be made."When the mother-in-law let out a fart, the son-in-law responded and said: "This fart is so big that even Thunderbolt can do it." foolish son-in-law The family has two sons-in-law, the younger one is demented and illiterate.The wife said: My husband is studying, and my father respects him. You are illiterate, and I don't live up to it.In the future, when my brother is married, all relatives will gather and know a few words, so that I can sell my words in front of people.In front of the soil bank of my house, write the six characters that you are not allowed to pee here. You can keep in mind that if people ask you, you can answer them, so you will not dare to bully you.The idiot promises.On the solstice, when he walked to the wall, he pointed out, "No peeing is allowed here."Yue Zhang said happily: "My son-in-law is very good at reading and writing."After a long time, my aunt came out to meet her. There was a golden flying belt on the skirt, embroidered with longevity and wealth, and the horoscope of gold and jade fell in the middle of the skirt.When the idiot saw it, he quickly pointed to everyone and said: No peeing is allowed here. fool An idiot was extremely insane, and one day he and his wife went to visit the door of his Yue's house and set up a banquet for him.There were raw persimmons on the table, and the idiot took them and ate them with their skins.His wife peeped inside and cried bitterly.The idiot heard it, and hurriedly replied: "It's too bitter, it's so bitter that it makes your mouth so bitter." Zamma A man from Hangzhou has three sons-in-law, and the third one is very dumb.One day, the father-in-law bought a new horse and asked his third son-in-law to write a compliment. He wanted to describe the horse's speed and sickness in a written word, regardless of elegance and vulgarity.The eldest son-in-law said, "Put a lily needle on the surface of the water, and my father-in-law rides to the shade of the mountain."Riding back and forth, the golden needle has not sunk yet.Yue Zhang likes it.The second time, he said to his second son-in-law: "put goose feathers on the fire, and the father-in-law will ride to Yuyao on horseback."Riding and riding, the goose feathers are not yet burnt.It was the third son-in-law's turn again, and the idiot pondered for a long while, unable to search.Suddenly the mother-in-law let out a fart, and the idiot said: "Yes."The mother-in-law said a fart, and the father-in-law rode to Zhuji.Riding away and riding back, the door of Confucius is still not closed. Punch through belly A dull-witted son-in-law is newly married. He has been told that a man and a woman are married, but he has not been able to find out the details.At the beginning of the night, according to the women's stock exchanges, I had been rubbing it for a long time, and accidentally inserted it into the female, so I was shocked, pulled out my house and put on my clothes, and hid elsewhere.After a few days, I sneaked to the entrance of the alley at night, and asked people, "I heard that the bride of a certain family has her belly pierced. Is it okay?" bring cold water A dull son-in-law went to his wife's house to leave a meal, and occasionally ate delicious frozen water. He wrapped a few pieces in paper and took them back with him at his waist.Said his wife and said: "Your father's house has delicious food, and I brought it here to eat you."In the waist of the rope, it has dissolved.Surprised: strange!How to piss and escape. Don't say it's me The couple were having sex, when the mother-in-law broke in suddenly, the husband ran away in a hurry, and told his wife: "If the mother-in-law asks, don't say it's me." I don't know it's you The groom is stupid and doesn't move, so the bride and groom have to fight with him.Her husband was furious and went to tell his mother-in-law, who said, "Don't annoy him, or maybe it's you." just say it's me Yizhang people take a daytime nap to cover their heads.Before the son-in-law passed the bed, he suddenly put his hand into the quilt and unbuttoned his pants.The father-in-law was shocked, but he was regarded as the son-in-law, and he blamed him endlessly.The mother-in-law came to persuade and said: "Don't blame him, he never saw clearly, he only thought it was me." Mother-in-law shouldn't When the son-in-law saw his father-in-law bowing to him, he dug his ass.The father-in-law was furious, and the son-in-law said: I only think it is the mother-in-law.After a night, the father-in-law blamed the son-in-law: "Beast, I thought about it all night last night, even the mother-in-law, you shouldn't." idiot girl There are idiots who marry wives and don't know how to have sex for a long time.The wife had no choice but to hug him up and lead him in.Ji Yang's essence wanted to vent, and suddenly called out: "I want to pee."Wife said: It's okay, just sprinkle it in.Idiots follow it.He gave birth to a daughter and asked his wife, "Where did this come from?"The wife said: Don't you remember the pee thing?The husband was enlightened, and he regretted it, because he blamed his wife and said: "If you pee to give birth to a girl, you will definitely give birth to a boy when you piss. Why didn't you say it earlier." muddled face An idiot without a child visits the method of giving birth to a child.One person said in a play: first draw the penis as a human figure, and then do things, and it will definitely become a fetus.An idiot acts in accordance with the law, but still sees the matter after the matter, and his face will be muddled.Because he sighed and said: "If you have a son, you will have it, but the one who is born must have a disfigured face." found out One person was rushing about in a hurry, and a friend asked: "Why are you in such a hurry?"The answer was: I did something wrong eighteen years ago, and I found out today.Q: What happened after all?Nai said: "The little girl is getting married." Fu Ge Cuan There are father and son going to the banquet together, the father sits on the table, and the son is facing the table.The same seat was suspicious, and asked: Is the seat at the table your father?Said: "Although he is the father of the family, we have been together for a long time." burn father One person went out far away, and asked his son to say: "Someone asked your father, please come in and worship tea if my father is away on business."And because of the fear of forgetting, I paid it with book paper.Put it in the sleeve and take it from time to time.On the third day, no one came to ask, and the paper was useless, and the lamp was paid.On the fourth day, a guest came suddenly and asked, "Where is your father?"I couldn't find the paper in the sleeve, because I said to him: "It's gone."The guest was shocked and said: "When did you leave?"The answer was: it was burned last night. zishoudian If there are idiots, their father will go out and order them to guard the shop.Suddenly a buyer came and asked, "Is there any honorable man?"The answer: no.Ask again: Is there a Zuntang?Also said: no.The father knew it, and he blamed his son, saying: "You respect me, and you respect your mother. How can you say nothing!"The son said angrily, "Who knows that you and your wife are both going to sell!" joke The father commanded the son to say: When a mortal speaks, let it be more lively, and don't say a word of evil.Zi asked: How to be alive?At that time, a neighbor came to borrow something.The father pointed out and taught: For example, when the family comes to borrow things and sees them send them away, don't say how much they have, and don't say how much they don't have. There are some at home and some at home.The child remembers it.In the future, a guest came to the door and asked: Is your father at home?Answer: I don't want to say too much, and I don't want to say too little. In fact, there are some who are at home and some who are not. sow meat Those who sell sow meat ask their sons to keep it out.When the meat buyer arrived, the son said, "My family is not a sow's pork."People feel it, don't buy it and go.Father said: I have already ordered, how can I start with it!Anger and hate it.After a while, another buyer arrived and asked, "This meat has a thick skin. Is it a sow's pork?"The son said: How about it!Is this what I said first? Hope grandson vents his anger An unscrupulous son often beats his father, and the father never leaves his hands with his grandson, and loves him even more.It is said in the world: Your son is not filial, but you love your grandson, why?The answer was: For no other reason, I want to hug him so that I can vent my anger on me. buy sauce and vinegar Grandfather pays grandson Qian Erwen to buy soy sauce and vinegar.Sun went and came back, and asked, "How much money can I buy soy sauce?"That money to buy vinegar?Zu said: One money for soy sauce, one money for vinegar, buy as you like, why ask?When he moved away, he turned around and asked, "Which bowl is filled with soy sauce?"That bowl of vinegar?The ancestors were angry with his dementia and blamed him.Shizi came in and asked why, and his ancestor told him.The son then removed his hat, pulled his hair and beat him. The father said, "Are you crazy?"The Master said: I am not crazy. If you beat my son, why can't I beat your son? firewood Father and son split the same firewood, and the father held the branch, accidentally hurting the son's finger.The son scolded and said, "Old turtle, are you blind?"When Sun Zaibang saw his ancestor being scolded, he felt very upset, so he said, "Is it possible for my father to scold me for being a dog?" realized The son of a rich family doesn't like to read, so the library is forbidden by his father.One day, the father sneaked in to see his movement, and saw his son open the book and chanted, and suddenly said loudly: "I know it."The father wanted him to get something, so he was happy and asked, "Did my son understand it?"Confucius said: "Books must be read."I have always believed that books are written, but they were originally printed on boards. Tibetan hoe The husband is plowing in the field, and the wife calls for dinner, and the husband responds loudly: "When I hide the hoe, I will come!"Naigui, the wife and husband said: "Tibetan hoe should be secret."If you make a loud voice, will not it be stolen?Because of the rush to look, the hoe fruit is lost.Returning in a hurry, he whispered to his wife's ear, "The hoe has been stolen." older A person has a new child, and someone who has a two-year-old son comes to discuss marriage, and the person said angrily: "Why do you deceive me!"My daughter is one year old, his son is two years old, if my daughter is ten years old, and my son is twenty years old, let this old man be happy!The wife said to her husband, "You're wrong!"Although my daughter is one year old this year, by this time next year, she will be the same age as Bier, why not? pick up hairpin One of them found a hairpin beside his pillow and was overjoyed.Tell it to a friend, and the friend said: "This is not your brother's, it must be your sister-in-law's, why do you like it?"The man replied: It is not my brother's, nor my house's, so good luck. recognize shoes A woman has private affairs with her neighbor at night, her husband returns home, and the neighbor enters through the window and exits.The husband grabbed a shoe and scolded his wife endlessly.Lying down with a shoe on the pillow, he said to his wife, "wait until Daming recognizes this shoe, and settle accounts with you!"The wife took advantage of his deep sleep and took off with her husband's shoes.The husband scolds again in the morning, and the wife makes him recognize the shoes.Seeing that it belonged to him, Nai greatly regretted and said: I blamed you wrongly, so it turned out that I was the one who jumped out of the window last night. Apply medicine An idiot woman has sores and itches in her genitals, please heal her.The doctor knew that her husband was in a daze, so he said: "I need to apply the medicine myself to know the depth of the sore."The husband said: Listen carefully.The doctor puts medicine on the glans and acts with the woman.The husband was on the sidelines, and said: "If there is no such medicine on it, I will be suspicious to the end." remember wine For those who drink wine, their wives will draw a pot of coal on their faces and count each time they serve a pot of wine.The master kept asking for wine, and the boy said: Eat a few pots less, the face of the mistress looks a little ugly. fuck hard Su Ren met a friend who said: Why was brother so happy yesterday, he was working hard at home.Youyun: Not at all.The man said: I have listened to the house for a long time, do you still want to rely on it?The friend said: "It's not human to lie to my brother. I was really not at home yesterday." sleep When the adulterer heard that his husband had returned, he was anxious to escape, so the woman ordered him to lie still on the bed.The husband arrives and asks: Who is on the bed?The wife replied, "Quickly, don't make a sound. Uncle Wang next door was beaten out by my wife, so I have the right to hide here."The husband laughed and said: This dead turtle, my wife is worth being afraid of! kill wife Husband and wife scolded each other, and the husband hated and said: Smelly whore root, I will kill you tomorrow when I become emperor.The woman wept day and night, and the neighbor daughter explained, "If there is such a thing, don't listen to him."The woman said: The stinky tortoise in my family never lies. The self-supporting children said they would sell them the year before last, but they really sold them last year. Stealing cattle Someone who stole a cow and was shackled, his relatives and friends asked, "What crime have you committed so far?"The cow thief said: I was passing by on the street and saw a grass rope on the ground. I thought it was useless, so I picked it up by mistake, so this disaster happened.The person who met said: "I picked up the straw rope by mistake, who is the criminal?"The cow thief said, "Because there is something on the rope."People asked: What is it?He said to him: "It's a little farm ox." buy rice Some people went to the market to buy rice with silver, but lost the fork bag on the way, and returned to his wife, saying: "There is a lot of trouble in the market today, and I can't get a good fork bag."The wife said: Is it possible that yours is gone?The answer was: what will you do as a hero?The wife was surprised and asked: Where is the money?The answer was: It's all right, I tied it tightly to the corner of the fork bag. in line Some passers-by urinated in the cracks of people's doors, and their wives saw them and scolded them endlessly.The pisser said, "I'm still a virgin, so don't scold me."The woman said: "The head has faded a lot, what are you talking about virgins!"The neighbor said with a smile: "This sentence should not be said by the lady."The woman said: He is obviously not good at deceiving me, so why not point him out? Calm down It will be cheaper for a family to spend purely on grain silver, or to persuade them to dump eight or nine colors for miscellaneous purposes.The man took an ingot of ingot and melted it 80%.Or if you know it's stupid, you only pay forty taels and benefit the rest.The man asked: "Yuanbao is fifty taels, why is it turned over to forty?"The answer is, five to eight is forty.The man suddenly said: "I have made a mistake for the public. It is useless to use this kind of silver." pinch hit Those who should be held accountable by the government will hire their neighbors to replace them with three coins of silver.The man got silver and was willing to replace him.Seeing the official, the official drinks and beats thirty.Fang received a few sticks, which was extremely painful. Those who gave out the money for private use and bribed the sticks would be given a lighter treatment.The man thanked the predecessors and said: Meng Gong gave me silver to save my life, otherwise, I would almost be killed. july If a child is born in seven months of pregnancy, her husband may not be able to raise him, so he will ask people when they meet.One day, I talked about this with my friend, who said: "This month is okay, my ancestor was also born in seven months."The man asked in astonishment, "If this is the case, did your ancestors grow up after all?" oviparous wing The brother said to the younger brother: If the egg bag has wings, it can fly away when it sees a good woman.The younger brother said: "Don't get it, I will fly to other people's eggs." try it The bride and the groom have no fate, kicking and beating before going to bed, not allowed to get close.Lang told his father, and his father said: After all, you are not good, so that's why.Ziyun: If you don't believe me, go to sleep tonight and try it out. rely on father A man gave birth to a son at the age of twenty, and the son depended exclusively on his father for food and could not support himself.One-day fortune-telling says: Father lives eighty years, son lives sixty-two.His son cried loudly and said: "How can I live these two years!" Looking for stool feet Stools in the countryside mostly use ready-made tree forks as their feet.One foot accidentally broke, and the master ordered his servants to search for it in the mountains.The servant came out with an axe, but when the sun came back, the master blamed him, and replied: "There are all forks, but they are all born upwards, not downwards." Visit wheat price One man ordered his servant to go to Fengqiao to inquire about the price of wheat. When the servant arrived at the bridge, he heard that there were people who ate noodles.The noodle seller was not allowed to ask for money, and his chin was criticized nine times.Returning in a hurry, the master said: "I can't find out the price of wheat, but I already know the price of flour."The main question: how?The answer was: It takes three slaps for each bowl of pulled noodles. hammer One person sleeps on the bed and suffers from back pain on the back, stomach pain when lying down, back pain from side sleepiness, hip pain when sitting up, and all kinds of medicines are ineffective.Or persuade him to turn over the bed, and turn it over, see an iron scale hammer at the bottom of the mattress, and put it under it. lazy work Some people are extremely lazy, lie down and get up lazily, and their family members call them to eat, and they are lazy again.For a long time, he must be hungry to save him, but he is sorry.Xu said: "Too lazy to eat."The family members said: If you don't eat, you will die. How to make it?Shaking his head again, he replied, "I'm also lazy." white-nosed cat One is the laziest by nature, lying down all day long.He eats three meals a day, and he is too lazy to talk. He is so tired that he starves to death.Pluto punished him for being lazy in his lifetime and sent him to reincarnation to become a cat.The lazy man said: I have a piece of hair on my body, I hope the king will reward you with a black body and only a white nose. I am so grateful.The king asked why, and replied: I was hiding in the dark like a cat. When the mouse saw my white nose, it thought it was a piece of rice cake. dew table One person happened to see Lushui table, and because he used his finger to write to usurp the words, he was seen by an enemy, took the table and left, and sued the government.And when the official sits in the hall, the dew thinks that the sun is drying, and the handwriting is subtracted.When the official asked what was the matter, the man had nothing to say, and said in a panic, "the villain has a table in one room. I just want to see this one. I don't know if the master wants to buy it?" Clothes are soft A villager came into the city wearing new starched cloth clothes, but because he went out very early, his clothes were wet with dew.When it comes to the city, it's strange to be soft.After leaving the city, the clothes were dried by the sun and hard as before.Gui Wei's wife said: Don't say that country people can't get stiff when they go to the city. Even country people's clothes will become soft when they see city people's clothes. chairs and tables When the villagers went to the city to go to the banquet, they saw that there were many chairs and tables hanging around the tables and sitting on mattresses.Gui Weiren said: Don't say that the people in the city are useful, even the chairs and tables in the city are very useful.People asked why, and the answer was: the tables are wearing embroidered skirts, and the chairs are all wearing gold vests. salted egg People from villages A and B came to the city and occasionally ate pickled eggs. A was horrified and said, "It's the same egg. Why is it so salty?"Yi said: I know it, and I decided to feed it with salted ducks. watching a play Some people who performed "The Story of the Pipa" looked for "Guan Gong Killing Diao Chan", and the villagers wept when they saw it and said: "What a filial daughter-in-law, she worked hard all her life, but she was killed by that red-faced barbarian." acting Some performers of "Pipa Ji" were looking for "Jingchai·Forced Marriage". Suddenly someone sighed and said: "You must watch the play, it is extremely learned."Today we know that Cai Bochi's mother is Wang Shipeng's mother-in-law. coward An idiot heard about the robbers' introduction, and hurriedly wrote four characters, each with inside and outside, and posted them on the hall.Hearing that the robber had entered the hall, he wrote the four characters that the road is blocked and posted it in the inner room.Hearing that the robbers had returned, he fled into the toilet.When the thief traced it, he covered the toilet door and coughed, saying: "Someone is here." Fall again A puppet hit the ground, Fang got up and fell again.Nai said: Speech!If I had known that there was only one fall, it would be fine if I didn't get up. walk slowly One person is good at pacing, walking very late.The sun was about to fall, and the night watchman saw him outside the city, and asked where he was going, saying: "I want to go to the front of the mansion."Night watchmen refer to night offenders, arrest them and send them to officials.The man argued: "It's very early, so what is a crime of night?"Said: "You walk like this, and you walk to the front of the mansion. It's already the second watch very early." Get out of the bridle There was a horse lover who was deceived by others and bought a poor horse for fifty gold.Unbearable to be whipped, he hired a boat to carry a horse, and straddled it.After traveling for a long time, he thought it was slow, so he said to the boatman, "I'll buy you wine, please, shake it with me quickly, I want to get out of the bridle." Shop Bing The shop secretary delivered urgent official documents, but the official feared that it would be too late, so he ordered a horse to ride on it.He was driving a horse, and people asked him why he didn't ride a horse for such an urgent matter?The answer was: Wouldn't it be faster to walk on six legs than on four? rice A woman was having an affair with someone and was doing something in the house when her husband knocked on the door.The woman put this person into a rice bag and stood behind the door.The husband came in and asked, "What's in the fork bag?"The woman was too busy to answer.The man responded from the fork bag, saying: rice. goose to duck There are goose sellers who put the goose on the ground because they want to show respect.After going to the toilet, one person exchanged ducks.After the person explained it, he looked out and sighed, saying: "It's amazing!"I didn't see him for a while, but I was so hungry and thin. hat fan Those who come out wearing a hat in the summer months rest under a big tree to enjoy the cool, that is, take off their hats and use them as fans.After the fan was over, the man said, "If you don't wear this hat today, you will almost be killed in heat." buy sea shells One person saw a sea shell seller and called him to buy it. He asked, "How much is a catty?"The seller said with a smile: "there is always a quantity of sea otters."The man drank and said: Don't you know this!How much is it per foot? Mi Jiang moved One person is very quiet, but he lives between the two craftsmen of copper and iron.One day, the two craftsmen came together and said: "We want to move, and we have promised the East with one step, and we are here to knock on the collar."The man was overjoyed, so he gave a lot of money.During the meeting, I asked, "Where did your two families move to?"The answer was: He moved in my house, and I moved in his house. Mouthwash Some people bathe in the mixed hall, scooping up water and coughing.Everyone raised their eyebrows to each other, hating their uncleanliness.The man stored water in his hand and said: Don't worry, gentlemen. After I finish coughing, spit it out. where to go One is stupid by nature and illiterate.I met a friend on the way, and the friend asked, "where are you going, brother?"The man didn't answer at a loss, but remembered the word "where to go" to ask people.People know that he is dumb, so he said in a play: "This is a bad word to scold my brother's ears."The man left in anger.The next day, I met my ex-friend again and asked: Where is brother going?The man suddenly said angrily: "I don't want to go, but where do you want to go!" Stubborn One person asked Dabi, and when he was about to be executed, he said to the executioner: "Bring me a copper knife to do it. I will serve Polygonum multiflorum for the rest of my life." Believe in yin and yang You usually believe in yin and yang, but was overwhelmed by the wall one day.The family members wanted to rescue them urgently, but the man stretched out his head and said, "Wait a minute, wait for me to endure, you can ask Yin Yang, can you move the soil today?" ugly man look A woman was at the door, and was watched by others, and the woman cursed endlessly.The neighbor woman persuaded, "You are not in the inner room, so why not let him take a look?"The woman said: "If I look at my good face, it's not bitter to be looked at by such a dull face." Weng legs An old man lay drunk on a winter night, put a footstove under the quilt, and mistakenly warmed his legs.When I got up early, I scolded my neighbors and said: "The old man drank a few glasses of wine and fell asleep, so he didn't know it."You young people don't come to wake you up, don't you know it's burning people! Closed boots Some brothers bought a pair of boots together, and the elder brothers used them to visit guests for dinner.My younger brother was unwilling to accept it, so he wore it every night and walked around the room until Dadan.Er Er's boots were worn out, and the elder brother discussed to buy them together again, and the younger brother said: "I'm going to sleep." teach chess Two people are playing chess, and the onlookers can't teach them well.He was furious, and he punched him, and he was deterred by the pain.The right hand turned his face, and the left hand pointed at the distance and said: "Not yet!" hair for sugar When a fool sees someone who exchanges hair for sugar, he absurdly says that everything can be exchanged.Get up in the morning, hide a piece of hair in your sleeve, and have a full meal when you meet a wine shop.After the meal, send it to him.All the servants laughed, and the man said angrily: "Everyone else should be used as money, but I can't use it!"After arguing for a long time, the servants beat them for pulling their hair.His man Xu Lifa said: "He doesn't want the whole material, but he grabs it on my head."