Chapter 4 man in heaven

I will never forgive you in my life. Speaking of you, you are really stupid, can't speak, and you are frizzy, careless, you can only talk big words, and you always make mistakes when you encounter critical situations, which makes me suffer. At least you know a little bit, right? Really, getting involved with you is the biggest failure of my life.If I could go back to middle school, I would even give advice to the braided me: don't associate with people like you. Really, just thinking about it makes me angry. You are really not a good thing. The most hateful thing is to leave me with a big belly and become a man in heaven after letting go.

1 Why, would I like someone like you? It was thirty years ago, so most of them don't remember it, but the relay race in the sports meeting in the third grade of middle school was indeed the key.However, that seems a bit treacherous!Seeing you working so hard, how could a fourteen or five year old girl not feel dizzy.Although I don't think it was calculated by you fool, but it is indeed too treacherous. Basically, I have known about you since elementary school. Remember it is the beginning of spring in the fifth grade!It was said that a transfer student came to the next class (it should be Class 3), so my friend and I ran to see what kind of person it was.That transfer student is you, the first time I saw you talking to the boys in the same class, I was thinking: Oh!Here comes a big ear.

Big ear, you know, right? It's the guy who looks like a kangaroo in the cartoon "Lulumi".He is thin and tall, but timid, and cries at every turn.But the material desire is very strong, and he often irritates others.No, no, I'm not talking about you, I'm just talking about big ears. However, when I first saw you in the classroom, I really thought of Big Ear.You are tall and thin, with big ears, and you look timid. To be honest, I lost interest in you at that moment. So, in my eyes, you are just a background.Even if we met in the corridor, I didn't feel much. In the future, when you said that we were class leaders together in the sixth grade, I just thought: Is there such a thing?However, we got married fifteen years later, and life is really unpredictable.

You who have gone to the sky may not know that the small town where we grew up has also undergone great changes! The building next to the station is gone, and it looks much cleaner now.The area around the circle in front of the station hasn’t changed much, but all the banks have changed their names. Speaking of which, the primary school we used to attend has also changed its name now.When we were young, there were too many students, and we had to set up another elementary school nearby, but now the number of students is too small and we have to merge. As a child, the town was also developing.

When I was in the third grade of elementary school, I moved to the community of Nishiho Kima. At that time (er, it was Showa 46), behind the building was a large piece of wasteland overgrown with weeds such as tall grass ①.The paved road disappeared halfway, and the front disappeared into the grass, but now, there is also a community built there. ①Back high foam stand grass, the scientific name is Solidago canadensis var. scabra, Compositae Solidago genus, often grows by the river, also known as North American solidago canadensis. I'm not nostalgic, but at the time, it seemed like the whole town was hot.Construction is happening all the time, and it seems like the whole town is growing at an alarming rate.Houses and storefronts were built on the deserted vacant land, asphalt was paved on the bare road, and the puddles disappeared. It feels like seeing the process of social progress at a fast-forward speed.

The primary school I went to was also getting more and more people. At the beginning of our school year, there were only two classes, and by the time we graduated, it had doubled to four classes.Whenever the nearby community is completed, new families will move in. Therefore, it is only natural that there must be a few transfer students at the beginning of each semester. Therefore, it is inevitable that the humble transfer student will immediately become a background. Especially if you are in the class next door, and you are not particularly good at sports or homework. The only thing that attracts attention is that you are very tall and thin, and your ears are particularly big!Frankly, it doesn't matter at all.

I started to recognize your existence, it should be when I was in the same class in the second grade of middle school.Yes, it was the middle school next to the chimney of the cleaning factory. Almost all the graduates of our elementary school went to that middle school. At that time, they also suffered from the shortage of classrooms, so we had to build a prefabricated house on the campus as a classroom for the time being. To be honest, my impression of you at that time was neither good nor bad.The catchphrase of Dr. Cornelias from Planet of the Apes is amusing, but otherwise it feels flat.Basically at the age of middle school students, the popularity of boys usually depends on whether they are good at sports and whether they have leadership skills, so there is no way.But that newspaper delivery incident made me start to look at you differently.

Remember that it was halfway through the summer vacation! That day, I woke up very early.It was only around five in the morning.However, this is also due to going to bed too early the day before. Do you remember Tokyo Water Park? It doesn't exist anymore, but it was a really fun pool.There are long waterslides and swimming pools with circulating waterways.Although the school prohibits students from going there, no middle school student will obediently abide by that rule, so I often go there. I also went out to play with my friends the day before, and I was exhausted after a whole day.Even dinner was eaten half asleep, and after taking a bath, I couldn't lie down soon enough.If I can sleep until the time I usually wake up, I will be fine, but I woke up before dawn.

This is the time when I would normally go back to sleep (and would definitely do it now), but for some reason I suddenly felt the urge to go for a walk that day.Since it was summer, it was already bright outside.Besides, I really want to walk in the empty streets in the early morning. Isn't it fun to sneak out while my family is asleep? So I left the community apartment and walked casually towards the elementary school.In the light of the rising sun, the chimneys of the cleaning factory looked even larger than usual.The white and orange stripes are particularly clear against the sky. I looked at the chimney on the right and went forward, just when I came to the Nanchome community.I saw a newspaper delivery man coming on a bicycle across the way and it was you, so how could I not be surprised?Usually, middle school students are not allowed to work part-time.

Sasamoto-san! I yelled reflexively.You are wearing a crumpled T-shirt and a white towel around your neck, and you look embarrassed when you see me.It seemed as if a great secret had been discovered. Kinoshita-san, why did you come here so early in the morning? I also want to ask you what is going on, can middle school students work part-time? There is a reason for this. At that time, I didn't know that your family didn't have a father.Of course, I didn’t know that in order to lighten the burden on your mother who raised you and your younger sister, you specially asked a nearby newspaper delivery company to let you work secretly.

Can you not tell the school if you can, don't tell everyone. After briefly telling me the inside story, you said shyly.At that moment, looking at the sweat rolling down your cheeks, I actually thought you were a bit handsome, it was really a big mistake. At that time, I heard that our community was also the area where you were responsible for delivering newspapers, and I began to think of you inexplicably from then on.Every morning, seeing my father come out of the bathroom with the newspaper (somehow my time of waking up always coincided with that time) made me even a little bit happier. 2 However, taking this opportunity, I have to make it clear that the person who is tempted first is definitely you. Before that sports meeting, I absolutely did not like you.I just think you are an admirable dutiful child, nothing else.In fact, I also have boys I like in my class. But, to be honest, I actually care a little bit about you!But, even that, it's because you always strike up a conversation with me!Maybe you want to make sure that I haven't told anyone about your delivery of the newspaper. Since the second semester, you have often talked to me.Although I don't feel disgusted, if I get too close to you, I don't think it's good. Hey, that Sasamoto often talks to Rie! Could it be that he likes Rie? Girls in middle school really like the topic of food and love, so seeing your inexplicably positive attitude, some female classmates said so at the time. At this time, if I show a slightly smug look, rumors will be flying in the sky in a blink of an eye.So you have to frown deliberately, answer please, stop making trouble!That's the standard response.Because there is still the crush I mentioned just now, so if strange rumors are caused, that side will be struck out. So when the third grade was in a different class from you, I was honestly relieved.Although the boy I have a crush on is not in the same class, at least I can avoid causing rumors. However, every time I meet you in the corridor, you still love to talk to me.Sometimes I deliberately turned a blind eye to you. At that time, you had the expression on your face like a little child lost in a distant place. However, that sports meeting was really too treacherous.Is it probably the only time you mustered up the courage to speak like that, no matter before or after? The middle school we went to held the sports meeting in May instead of autumn, and I was shocked when I heard that you were a class relay player.Because, you don't run very fast. What's more, Kudo's class has always won the class relay race, which is already common sense in our school year.After all, Kudo was the record holder of the middle-distance race in Tokyo at that time, and he ran very fast. Kudo's scud really swept away thousands of troops.No one could beat him in the same school year.Therefore, those who will take the initiative to sign up for the class relay race are either overwhelmed, or they have long been aspiring to participate in the mental preparation of not winning or losing.Because even if you participate in the competition, it is clear that you will lose.So even though you are from another class, when I heard that you signed up for the relay race, I was really worried that something was wrong with you. I learned that the reason for your registration was that you called my house the evening before the sports meeting and suddenly said: Kinoshita-san tomorrow's relay race, I'm the last one. If I win Kudo, please come with me to Toshimaen, please? When talking at school, the tone is obviously very ordinary, but at this time, you use honorifics for some reason.I don't know who you heard it from, but you obviously already know that my crush is Kudo. OK!If you can beat Kudo. At that time, I didn't understand why I answered that way.I think there is absolutely no way you can defeat Kudo but for some reason, I always feel like I can't say something that kills you. The next day, I watched the entire relay race from my seat in the class.Our class has already fallen behind by a large margin, and we are just doing business, but Kudou's class and your class are vying for each other.When you got the stick at the end, you were probably about ten meters ahead! Ah Sasamoto can't do it! At this time, I heard someone say that.In fact, Kudo's sprint after taking over is astonishingly fast.A mere ten-meter lead means nothing.Everyone must be convinced that you will be overtaken by Kudo immediately, and then Kudo will lead the way. But at this point I must give you a little compliment, you were amazing at the time.Because, such a Kudou was unable to close the distance for a long time.You can tell from his expression that he was frightened by your unexpected speed. Was Sasamoto running that fast before? Your unexpected fighting performance made the audience boil.Maybe it was a natural exercise from delivering newspapers every day, anyway, you at that time were not inferior to Kudo at all. Sasamoto, come on! I couldn't help shouting that Kudo was really strong, and I still overtook you halfway through the run.After that, you gritted your teeth and desperately chased after his back, but unfortunately you still couldn't turn defeat into victory after all. After the relay, you literally hang your shoulders in frustration.Maybe even cried, because you put your head under the tap and got wet, so I don't know how.Anyway, seeing you like that, how can I hold back Toshimaen, when will I go? Toshimaen is still a popular amusement park, so it should be the first date in my life, right?If that's the case, it's kind of tragic because you're totally scared of roller coasters and the like. I came here when I was a child, and it was obviously not so scary. The rainbow thing got you in the first place, you said, sitting down on the bench with a pale face. ②Rainbow, a kind of amusement equipment similar to flying magic carpet, is rare nowadays.It looks like a seat for two people, and it swings sideways to a large extent. That's because I couldn't ride this kind of thing when I was a child! I answered with a smile.However, the amusement park at that time seemed to be constantly adding a lot of exciting amusement equipment designed to attract young people. When my dad brought me here before, I remember that they were all slow-moving amusement equipment. Looking at the rapidly descending roller coaster in front of your eyes, you have a complicated expression on your face. By the way, you mentioned that your parents divorced when you were a child.You should have followed your father, but you were worried about your sister, so you voluntarily followed your mother. Of course, I am also worried about my mother because my mother is not in good health. It is said that a man who talks about his mother on the first date is usually not a good guy. Do you also come to this? So, I'm going to work right out of high school, at least to make things easier for my mom. Just a piece of amusement equipment in an amusement park made you look pale, but you still have the nerve to talk big, I thought to myself, I just dragged you to the roller coaster to line up. If this is a bit to sit, why not take the carousel? You, who were frightened, said with a useless face. Thanks to you, a big man, you have the nerve to say that.It's because I feel scary from the beginning that I'm afraid.If you can't do anything, it's better to think about happy things. happy thing?for example? Girls you like or something. I blurted out reflexively, and even I thought it was stupid. Hearing what I said, your eyes widened as if you were slapped on the forehead, and your face was flushed in the next instant.Then my ears were slow for two seconds and then turned red.Although you haven't officially confessed your love to me, since you're looking for a date with me, of course it should be the same thing! I see.Then, I will always think of you. What, I thought to myself as if the confession was half-pushed and half-hearted (look, you really liked me first), but the evolution to this point is caused by myself, and I can't blame others.I also suddenly didn't dare to look at your face, and stared at my toes desperately.Therefore, I remember very clearly the color and style of the sneakers I wore at that time. After riding the roller coaster in line order, you work hard.Probably because I was afraid that if I yelled out in fright, I would think that I was not good enough!You clenched the handle so hard that the backs of your hands turned white, and you clenched your teeth.But, back then I was also working hard.I suddenly don't want you to see me with my mouth open.I bit my lip, not daring to raise my hand. Thirty years have passed. Looking back at that time, I can still feel happy to this day.That green spring must have been a culmination point for the two of us! 3 Then we started to be together, but did you ever imagine that day, that we would continue to date until we were adults, and even entered the wedding hall? Honestly, I didn't expect it at all.I thought we would break up sooner! Especially in the summer of the first year of high school, didn't you start working in the supermarket in front of the station?Although it is easier than delivering newspapers and the salary is higher, I have to work almost every Sunday.Usually, I have to start work at 5:30 three days a week, so there are only two or three opportunities to meet each other in a week.Even if you want to call to talk about lovesickness, it is not like now, there is no mobile phone, you have to use your home phone, in front of your family, you have to hang up the phone after talking for five minutes at most, can it be considered dating?I also complained several times, but I know that you work part-time to help the family, so that is considered polite. Then I'll introduce you, Rie, to my mother and sister.In this way, you can come to my house to play, and it is more convenient to make calls. Before you knew it, you started calling my name. I still don't understand what you were thinking, but you suddenly said such words and took me to your house.There, I met my mother-in-law and sister-in-law Kayoko for the first time. I thought it would be a good thing to be recognized by the family like that!From then on, my mother-in-law often listened to my confidantes and taught me how to cook. She was really kind to me.Kayoko, who is three years younger than us, is a naughty and cute girl. I have no younger siblings, and I love her as my own sister. Now that I think about it, I was included in your family member very early.Therefore, even if we quarrel sometimes, we will not break up. If there is a dangerous period, it is probably when you enter a large department store after graduating from high school, when I was in junior high school!At that time, our schedules couldn't match at all, and even the holidays were different (I worked in a department store, and I couldn't rest on Sundays or national holidays), and I couldn't easily meet again.Even trying to squeeze in time for a date, you're so exhausted as a newcomer that I'm even too embarrassed to ask you out. It was also at this time that a certain college student asked me to be his girlfriend at the place where I was working for a short time.I'm afraid it will be troublesome for you to be jealous and quarrel, so I won't go into details.In short, that person's family background is not bad, and he looks quite handsome.The only thing you can beat him is really tall and big ears.Of course, if the race is running, you're probably faster too. To be honest, I admit that I am really attracted to that person who is as gentle as you. Although there is a difference between a short college and a four-year university, at least he is also a student, so I have time to meet.The guy had a great sense of humor and good fun, which of course I wouldn't say, but I've actually taken him for a ride a number of times (though, nothing that's happened to worry you, so don't worry about it). At that time, my heart wandered between you and him. I think you must have found it too!Every time we meet, you start to emphasize that you like me again and again.That made me very painful, and I also deliberately put on a cold attitude towards you. Although he was very busy at work, but when he saw Rie's face, all the tiredness disappeared. I remember one time when I got aggressive because you said that.As I recall, it was our return trip to Ginza after seeing the movie The Blues Brothers. You are less glib and you look tired now.Actually, you'd rather stay home and sleep, right? Don't say that! You pursed your lips in displeasure, but your tone was not aggressive.That time, you also fell asleep halfway through the movie.At that time, you were really tired all the time. Although I'm busy with work now, I can't even talk to you properly, but I really like you.Even if I can only see you for five minutes a day, I want to be with you all the time. Love a little, love forever, right? That's the ad for whiskey. If it's good wine, maybe that's the case, but sometimes people are not satisfied with that alone. really!I want to be with you forever.That's really forever. Do not be silly. You say the words I hate the most, so that's all I can say. Yes, as you know, I hate people who easily say that I love you forever. After all, we are human, right?Whether it's a king or anyone, as long as they are human, they will die sooner or later.Even if you try your best, you can't get anything forever.As a result, some people dare to say that they will love you forever without shame. Such people are either idiots who think they will never die, or shameless people who lie without changing their faces. It's true, I've always liked Rie. Maybe you got into the corner of the horn all of a sudden, and there were even tears in your eyes.I felt like I was very mean-spirited, so I couldn't bear to say anything more. Knowing that I don't like to hear you still say it, it can be seen that you really want to tell me that sentence.Of course, leaving aside whether it is actually possible or not, you probably want to say that your feelings for me are so deep that only those words can express it! So, I cannot forgive you. Since you have repeatedly said that, why did you go to the sky and leave me and the child in my stomach as soon as you let go. We got married in Showa 62 when we were 24 years old. At that time, you didn't seem to want to start a family, but we were classmates after all, and as you grew older, I also grew older.Besides, I also want to have a baby. Since I want to have a baby, of course I have to do it while I am young. The mother-in-law strongly recommends it.She believes that caring for children is a physical job, and the sooner they are born, the better.However, we have both entered the society for a while, so it's not too early!The college boy has long since disappeared naturally, so I have no objection. I worked in a trust bank after graduating from a short college. It was the peak of the bubble economy. While I was still working, I often went to discotheques with my friends!You have also been transferred from store sales to the purchasing department, and you are often on the move. We had a small wedding and a new apartment in an apartment not far from each other's old homes.Just near the big post office, behind the elementary school.It was a newly built house with a room of two and a half square meters and a room of three square meters with a small kitchen. There was also a big park nearby, so it was a pretty nice place. In fact, I can continue to work after marriage, but your salary alone is enough to support the family. Besides, I have always wanted to concentrate on being a housewife, so I quit my job in the bank and entered the family.However, the apartment is not big, so it is very easy to clean, and the meals only need to be prepared for two people, which is quite easy. The life without studying or working is very pleasant and comfortable. If I can, I really want to be a rice bug for two or three years, but unfortunately it is not what people want.Within a year of our marriage, I became pregnant. real or fake? When I said I had it, your expression was very serious.I was expecting you to yell well done, as they always do on TV, so I was a little disappointed. What, are you unhappy? Your expression is like a scholar and expert who sees the picture of the Loch Ness monster and mutters again and again that I am going to be a father. I envy men who can be so heartless.I'm dying of ecstasy and you're still procrastinating and unable to face reality Or is that how you show your joy? After my belly got bigger, you seem to have finally felt it, but now the nagging is very annoying.You carefully read the baby magazines I bought word for word, and bought all the baby bottles, sterilizers, large Mickey Mouse dolls, etc. that are not in use.You bought things without listening to my advice, so every time you quarreled over this kind of thing, even if you saw me angry, you would say: Rie's face has become ugly, so she must have a son!I don't even bother to quarrel. Do you prefer a son or a daughter? My son and daughter are all my children anyway, so they must be very cute. Every time I ask, you always answer proudly with your chest out.Whenever I have free time, I open the naming book and come up with various names to take notes. It is really a mess before I was born. Since you are looking forward to the baby's birth so much, why can't you hug the baby with your own hands?I feel that there is no God or Bodhisattva in this world at all. I was playing the video game "Dragon Quest III" when I was notified by the company. That video game is still releasing new versions, but the popularity of the third version is particularly high, and it has even become a social phenomenon.A few days before the release, there was a long queue in front of the store, and children's video game software was snatched away as soon as they got it. News like this was broadcast on TV every day, and even I got tired of watching it. I also went to the toy store in Seiyu Department Store in Nishiarai to pre-order a set, and I actually started playing a month after it went on sale.You will nag when you play beside you (playing too sad is not good for the baby in the belly, you always teach me like this immediately, right), so I played secretly during the day, and I took advantage of your business trip that day, so I played to late. I remember that it was past eleven o'clock and something incredible happened. I have long heard that the game cartridge of "Dragon Quest III" seems to be prone to failure because the data is loaded to the limit of the maximum capacity.Sometimes the book of adventure where the data is stored suddenly disappears, or the machine crashes (the screen is still, no matter how I do it, it will not move. At this time, I can only shut down and start again).Fortunately, however, I have not encountered such a tragic experience so far. But after eleven o'clock, the machine suddenly crashed.The screen remains still, and the background music turns into a warning sound. Even if the buttons on the operating handle are pressed hard, there is no response. (No way!) I'm having a blast, so it's really hot.You may not understand it, anyway, I was spinning around the Necromancer Cave at the time.I pulled out the cassette and reinserted it again and again, but it still crashed after 5 minutes of playing.After this happened three times in a row, I thought in my heart that if the same situation happened again, I would go to the toy store to settle the account. I operated it cautiously, and then finally returned to normal.Of course, the reason for the crash is completely unknown to me. So when I got the call a little later in the night, I was still wide awake. However, I didn't answer the phone right away.For some reason, as soon as I heard the phone ring, I knew it was a call with bad news. I really don't know why. The call is from a colleague from your company.Presumably, the company has received the news before the family. The taxi you were traveling in collided with another vehicle and your husband is said to have been injured. No matter how many times I asked, the people in the company were only willing to disclose it like this.The other party just reiterated that they would send a car to pick me up and told me to take that car.But I heard afterwards that the company had received the details a long time ago. The car accident happened after eleven o'clock, and you, who was sitting in the passenger seat, died on the spot. That crash may be because you, who are out of soul, flew all the way back from Shizuoka where you were on a business trip.Seeing that I was still playing video games so late at night, I got angry. It should be purely a coincidence! Incidentally, in the chaos, the game cassette was stuffed somewhere. As a result, my brave man quietly disappeared with you without seeing the final big boss. 4 Xiaozhi was born in mid-December of that year.One month later, the era name was changed to Heisei③, so she was considered to be the last train to catch the Showa birth. ③ Showa is the year name used by Emperor Hirowa of Japan during his reign, from December 25th to January 7th, 1989 in 1926.Heisei is the era name used by Emperor Akihito since his accession to the throne on January 8, 1989. You probably don’t understand it when you tell someone who has gone to heaven, but when you first left, life was really difficult.I was so shocked that I lay on the bed for a while, and the baby in my stomach was also frightened and almost had problems.But with the encouragement of my mother-in-law and Kayoko, I finally gave birth to Xiaozhi safely. Xiaozhi's full name is chosen by Zhihui from the naming list you listed.However, in fact, I mostly call her Xiaozhi.Strictly speaking, she looks more like me, but she inherited your big ears.Therefore, it is somewhat like the little one in "Lulumi".At one point I tied her hair up so she looked exactly like Tiny, so I even took a photo of it.You are big ears, and your daughter is small, so it's not bad, right? The little boy in the cartoon likes to be cynical and a bit mean-spirited, but Xiaozhi used to be a very polite and well-behaved child.The reason why I use the past tense is because she has grown into a cheerful and lively girl (too lively is also a problem), but she still had various problems when she was a child. For about a year after you left, I was depressed. I hate God, I curse fate, and I hate this society even more. I hugged my newborn Xiaozhi and cried all day long.Although society is still shrouded in the upsurge of the bubble economy, I am already in another world. But, I can't always be like this.Although you have received your insurance money, to some extent I have to keep it for Xiaozhi's future use, so I can't just spend it casually, right?As a result, I can only go out to work. Before Xiaozhi's first birthday, I started working as a clerk in a small real estate company.It was a company run by my relatives, and I was glad that I had studied bookkeeping and computers in my short college.At first Xiaozhi asked her mother-in-law to take care of me, but in the end she went to a district nursery.My mother-in-law also has to work to support herself, so I can't always rely on her. I consider myself to have tried my best. When Xiaozhi was young, I signed a temporary employment contract (it would be more convenient to leave work early if something happened), so the salary was not high, but it was barely enough to live on.For this, you have to praise me well when we meet in the future. However, although there were no problems when she was a baby, after she became sensible, she began to ask where Xiaozhi's father was?such a problem. In this world, no matter what, the majority speaks louder.People who are out of the mainstream may be helpless even if they are slightly excluded.However, although I am sure and patient with my own affairs, when it comes to Xiaozhi's affairs, I will feel that she is very pitiful and painful, and I will feel heartache for her. Turn on the TV, and what appears to be a seemingly happy family and a car commercial for a drive.Turned to the children’s channel, the actor in the puppet costume said: Your dads go to the park on Sunday, good dads are walking around with their children on their shoulders every time I see that kind of picture, I always feel emotional Down.I'm afraid that Xiaozhi will feel lonely. This is not my overthinking.Although complaining to you, a person who didn't go to heaven voluntarily, is open to discussion. I have witnessed it many times. Xiaozhi saw other children with their fathers, and enviously bit his finger and watched.Even at such a young age, the melancholy of yearning for what one cannot have is still the same as that of adults. Of course, I told her about you.I said that my father has been working to help grandma since middle school, he is a very gentle person, and he is very good at running! However, there are all photos in the house, and it seems that there is no concept for children.Not long before you passed away, I remember we had discussed buying a video camera to record the baby’s growth process. If I had known this, I would have bought it first even if I was short of money. I deeply regret it.If you can take a picture of you who can move, Xiaozhi can see you. When Xiaozhi was four years old, someone advised me to remarry and the other party was a client of my company, who suddenly proposed to me through the president. That person is by no means a bad person.Although I am more than a round older than me, she looks very gentle and sensible, and of course has a certain financial ability.There is a child with his ex-wife, but they have long since ceased contacting each other. Even being Xiaozhi's father seems to be no problem. I also said before that the president is a relative of my family, so my parents are very clear about this matter.They are very much in favor (they have no malice, you have to understand. From the standpoint of parents, I always worry about seeing me grow old alone), and come to lobby me every now and then.They have repeatedly emphasized that whether it is for myself or Xiaozhi, this is an opportunity not to be missed. Rie, you don't have to worry about us, it doesn't matter if you remarry! Probably because I heard about it, even my mother-in-law said so. You are still young, don't care about us.Besides, if it is now, Xiaozhi should also believe that he is the real father! At the age of four, I have already begun to have sufficient memories, so I doubt it but thinking of my mother-in-law makes me sad. What do you think I should do? I think you will probably say, for the happiness of me and Xiaozhi, I should agree to this marriage.In this way, I don't have to worry about life anymore, and Xiaozhi will also have a father.If it goes well, perhaps it is as the mother-in-law said, Xiao Zhi will believe that the man is the real father. But I just couldn't nod my head right away.Because that day when you said you would love me forever, the gleam in your eyes still strongly stays in my heart. 5 Mom, you had a great time last night, didn't you? Xiaozhi said this on a sunny May morning. Oh last night, you mean storybooks? While I was busy preparing to send her to the nursery, I was perfunctory.Even if I think back to last night, I don't remember doing anything particularly happy.Our mother and daughter take a bath at the same time as usual, and put her to sleep at the same time as usual. If there is any difference, at most it is because I bought a new storybook and read it to her. (Children are so carefree.) Actually, last night I wasn't happy at all.The other party wanted me to give an answer as soon as possible, which caused me to worry until very late, but I still couldn't make up my mind, and I was still in a bad mood after waking up. Not a storybook!Didn't we go to the park last night? garden? oh!Must be dreaming, I thought right now.Young children often confuse dreams with reality. That was a dream!Because mom didn't go to the park at all. It's not a dream. Didn't we go to see Dad together? dad? I, who had already started to put on makeup quickly, couldn't help but stop and look at Xiaozhi. Did you see daddy yesterday? Isn't mom here?Mom gave Dad a hug. What kind of dream did Xiaozhi have?It's certainly nothing unusual, but I'd love to hear about the dream. What kind of person is the father you met? It's that person! Asked by me, Xiao Zhi pointed to your posthumous photo on the closet and answered. But, dad is so tall!I was taken aback. Of course he's tall. Is it really Dad? It's dad!Did he say that himself? He said, Hello Zhihui, I am your father! I thought to myself that this is really similar to what you would say, and asked Xiaozhi to tell me what she dreamed.It seems to be a story that can be enjoyed just by listening to it, so I even forgot that I should go out as soon as possible, and couldn't help but listen to it engrossed. It is said that last night, I woke up Xiaozhi who was sleeping, and told her that Dad is coming back from the sky now, let's go see him! Xiaozhi rubbed his sleepy eyes, changed his clothes, and went to a nearby park hand in hand with me.It was late at night, the park was empty, and it was said that there was a beautiful moon in the sky.實際的天空我沒有看到，但是就那天早上的晴朗天候推斷，前一晚的夜空應該也很晴朗，如果月亮真的出來了，應該可以清楚地看見月亮吧！ 郵局附近的公園，正如你也知道的，相當遼闊。裡面有鐵絲網圍起的棒球場和小片的森林，我與小智走過曲折小徑來到廣場。 妳看，爸爸來了。 我們在廣場中央等了一會，據說我忽然指著天空說。我的指尖倏然伸直，只見夜空浮現一個穿西裝的男人。簡直像站在空無一物的天空中。 大耳，這裡，這裡。 據說當時我邊喊邊揮手，浮在空中的男人便靜靜下降了。手上好像還鄭重拎著手提箱，不知裡面裝了什麼。 嗨，智惠妳好。我是妳的爸爸喲！ 從天而降的男人彎下腰打招呼，緊接著突然伸出一隻手抱起小智。 Wow!好可愛的寶寶。智惠，爸爸真的好想見妳喔！ 男人毫不客氣地把臉貼著小智的小臉磨蹭。小智說她當時的的確確感覺到爸爸的鬍碴刺刺的。雖然是年僅四歲的小孩，說得倒是有鼻子有眼睛挺像回事的我心中暗想。 然後男人用另一隻手把我摟進懷裡，據說同樣臉貼著我的臉摩擦。聽到這裡時，我感到額頭一帶似乎癢癢的。 之後男人據說和小智講了很多話年幼的小智似乎無法全部記住，唯有爸爸說爸爸真的好喜歡、好喜歡智惠，以及爸爸與她約定智惠長大以後，一定要幫助媽媽的事，似乎記得特別清楚。 太好了，小智。那一定是真正的爸爸。 聽完小智的敘述後，我說。當然心裡也明白那只是一個夢。小智一定是太想要個爸爸，才會做那麼溫馨的夢吧！但是，正因如此我更沒必要刻意破壞孩子的夢。 那，我們也該出門了吧媽上班要遲到了。 我說著拿起皮包走向玄關時驀然想到一件事，於是再次問小智。 小智昨天晚上，妳說媽媽是怎麼喊爸爸的？ 大耳。 這句天真無邪的話，彷彿倏然撫過我的脖子我以前的確喊你大耳。當然是取自嚕嚕米的大耳，但是有點丟臉，所以有外人在時我絕對不會這樣喊。 （小智怎會知道那個） 說不定，是從婆婆或加代子那裡聽來的。她們倆就算曾經從你那裡得知也不足為奇。 我用略微強硬的口吻逼問小智還記得什麼其他的事。因為小智知道祕密暱稱這件事，忽然讓她的敘述變得格外逼真了。 那個爸爸問我有沒有話想問他，所以我就問了。我問爸爸從那麼高的天空下來時會不會害怕。 結果，他怎麼說？ 爸爸說只要想著喜歡的人，就不會怕了。 啊，絕不會錯了那是中學時，我親口對你講過的話。 （難道是真的？） 佇立在玄關門口，我思忖。 小智做的夢不是夢。她一定是真的見到你了。你真的從天而降，擁抱了在這人世間沒能來得及擁抱的親生女兒。 據說當時我也在場，但我卻什麼也不記得，令我很不甘心。出現在小智夢中的我似乎知道一切，現實中的我卻完全在狀況外。或者，那是我卻又不是我？ 小智爸爸和媽媽，還講了些什麼？ 我在玄關蹲下，催促著四歲的小孩繼續說。 爸爸說隨媽媽想怎麼決定都行。 一定是為了我該不該答應再婚的這件事吧！ 另外，還講了什麼？ 呃這輩子很開心。 anything else? 小智為難地歪起小腦袋，但我無法不繼續追問。 說呀，爸爸還講了什麼？ 人家不記得了嘛！ 小智開始哭鼻子，我這才赫然回神。之後，我也忽然很想一起哭鼻子，終於在玄關門口放聲大哭。 結果，我拒絕了再婚。 或許我的確錯失了良機，但轉眼又過了將近十五年的現在，我仍然不曾後悔。從天而降的你據說叫我自己做決定，所以我只不過是聽從你的話罷了！ 附帶一提，小智做的這場夢，很久之後我對婆婆說起。婆婆同樣是含著淚光默默傾聽，聽完一切後，她是這麼說的： 在我的表兄弟之中，也有人說，他在夢中見到從未見過面就死在戰爭中的父親。說不定，在這人世間從來沒機會見到面的親子，便能夠以那種不可思議的方式見面吧！ 婆婆說完雖然露出沉靜的笑容，卻未提及究竟是誰安排了那麼美麗的相會。想必是誰都無所謂吧只要能確定真有那樣的連結就足夠了。 小智如今也已十八歲了。 本來覺得她長得像我，現在越大好像越像你（或許是我自己的錯覺），她自中學開始在短距離賽跑嶄露頭角，今年春天獲得推薦入學，今後在大學要立志朝奧運努力聽到她這麼說，雖知是自家孩子怎麼看都好，我還是很開心。把她拉拔到這麼大的確吃過苦頭，但如果回顧起來，吃苦也是甜的。 唉，天上的人不曉得還會不會再來相會。 有時，當我訴說與你從小學開始的種種回憶，小智兩眼發亮地聽完後，總是會這麼嘟囔。對，其實在我與小智之間，你的稱呼已成了天上的人。對於四歲那年不可思議的遭遇，那孩子似乎至今仍印象深刻。 雖然不知下次什麼時候才能見到，不過妳放心。天上的人一定正在默默守護著小智。 如果真要這麼說，他守護的也是媽不是我吧！畢竟天上的人不是說過要永遠和妳在一起嗎好像有點肉麻耶！ 喂，別取笑大人。 真是的，連女兒都調侃我說她像你，還真的很像你。 不過老實說，那個青春的日子，看完電影歸來你對我說的話，最近我多多少少開始相信了。對，就是那句永遠云云。 畢竟，永遠或許是凡人無法企及的但天上的人說不定可以。