Chapter 5 Rainbow and the Wild Dogs

After passing Umegaoka, the windows of the tram began to bleed through the rain, and when we got off in front of Seijo Gakuen, it was pouring rain.Passing through the ticket gate and walking towards the south exit, I stopped suddenly. August is almost over, how can there be such a heavy rain, it can only be described as a waterfall.Working overtime on holidays and leaving get off work a little earlier, the result is this kind of virtue. (what the hell!) Looking up at the sky, there are puzzle-like gray clouds floating between the buildings.It will soon be six o'clock. It takes about 12 or 13 minutes to walk from the residence.Although there are several buses passing nearby, the bus stop is located at a place where you can't go up or down. After getting off the bus, you still have to walk in the rain.

Instead of taking a taxi back home, it might be cheaper to go to a supermarket and buy a plastic umbrella.However, I have not been able to make up my mind to do so because of the heavy rain (even if I hold an umbrella, I will still be soaked from the waist down), and the clouds seem to move very fast.I think this sudden heavy rain should end in just ten or twenty minutes. (Wait a minute!) There are also small coffee bars nearby that are good for shelter from the rain, but I decided to stand at the station entrance to pass the time. It’s been a long time since I had such free time. For the first few minutes, all I could think about was work.In order to make up for the delayed progress, I had to work overtime on holidays, but the progress was not as good as expected. I was full of regret, and worried that I would not be well prepared for tomorrow's meeting. In short, all I thought about were things that were useless to think about now.

But looking at the heavy rain hitting the asphalt road, another scene appeared unintentionally: It was a scene of pouring rain in the deserted temple.There was no one around, only the smell of rain, mud, and green trees enveloped the surroundings. That is obviously my childhood memory. It was the scene I saw when I was hiding from the rain under the eaves of the temple near my home when I was a boy who was more lonely and had nowhere to go than now. It must be the breath of summer rain that awakened Jiu memory. When recalling that memory, like a chain reaction, the smiling face of a girl suddenly reappeared deep in my heart.It was when I was in elementary school, Kaoru Watanabe, who was in my class, couldn't even write her own name, and she was maliciously bullied by her naughty classmates.The mistakes that any child can make were ridiculed by her classmates, and she was even given insulting nicknames for her.

Hearing this, anyone would think she is a poor girl!But she herself didn't feel that way at all.No matter how bullied she is, she always smiles at Mimi and is gentle to others. It was she who saved me.Without her in the summer when I was ten years old, I would have gone astray long ago.Yes, she taught me.She let me, whose heart is like a wild dog, see the breath of a beautiful rainbow. 1 I consider myself quite experienced in talking about the futility of painful memories of childhood. Everyone must have suffered losses and had unspeakable experiences when they were young.It is extremely shameful to put on a face that only you have survived that kind of hard life.What's more, it is even more ugly for a middle-aged man like me to tell.

However, if I am allowed to bear the shame and say it, I, like a large number of people in the world, suffered from misfortune in my childhood.At least home is not a safe place for me. When I was not yet ten years old, I dreamed of leaving all day long. My boyhood was spent in Arakawa, Tokyo. There is a small shopping street about ten minutes' walk west from Mikawashima Station on the Joban Line. I live in an apartment connected to a beauty salon on the periphery.It is said that I was born in Hikifune, but as the family grew larger, the house became too small, so the family moved to Mikawa Island.My father worked in a large shoe store in Ueno.So it must be more convenient for commuting!

A long time ago, I saw pictures of the apartment when I first moved in. In front of the familiar beauty parlor bushes, my young father was holding me, who was only about one year old, and my mother was snuggling beside me. Both of them were smiling and looked very happy.When I was young, I also grinned and laughed with the two of them. That photo was even enough to be used as a model in the storefront of the photo studio, full of cheerful atmosphere. My father fell in love with the young woman at work, I remember when I was just five years old. I no longer remember the details.In short, my father suddenly stopped coming home. I only vaguely remember that my mother took me by the hand many times to go near my father's company.On the way home, my mother would buy ice cream for me in Ueno Park, but I didn’t dare to say anything to my mother with a gloomy expression. I could only stare desperately at the top of the fountain that stretched and shrank.

The abandoned mother gradually became mentally disturbed, and my loneliness began. Of course, I'd love to believe that my mother hadn't abandoned me from the start.Only once, when I was playing near my home, my father suddenly appeared and took me to the coffee shop in front of the station to eat a chocolate sundae without telling my mother.The young woman was there and gave me a little monster toy.When I took it home to play, my mother found out and questioned me, so the fact that I met my father and his girlfriend came to light. Mother seemed to think that was my betrayal.Since then, she will never show me the same smile in the past again.Always frowning, with an inaccessible expression.

How could I have given birth to a child like you. When I was scolded for some reason, my mother blurted out such words to me. My mother must have realized that she had gone too far, but she didn't change her words or apologize to me.Maybe that's what she meant.Maybe she thought that her father ran towards love as he wanted, but left the child in her care, which made her unable to pursue her own love! However, it would be embarrassing to say such a sentence would be such a big blow to a preschool child, but before that, I was actually a spoiled child.When I go out to play, I always let my father carry it on my shoulders. On cold nights, I will get into the bed of my mother beside me, and let my mother's soft legs warm my cold toes.Although my family was not rich, I was very happy at that time.

When my father left home, I lost everything. The sky I saw when I was sitting on my father's shoulders was so close that I could reach out, but it was already endlessly far away.My mother's quilt used to be the warmest place in the world, but now, the gap of a few centimeters between it and mine is hard to bridge. Unknowingly, I developed the habit of curling up to sleep. Speaking of this, I realized that when I was in elementary school, my father sent me a brand new schoolbag.Some of his customers sell leather bags, and it seems that through that relationship, he obtained high-end products at low prices.However, my mother had already prepared a schoolbag at that time.Compared with the ones my father gave, they were obviously shoddy goods. My mother put both schoolbags in front of me and asked me which one I wanted to take to school.Although I was young, I had already learned to use my brain, so I pointed at the one prepared by my mother, but I was slapped hard for some reason.I had no choice but to peek at my mother's face and point to the one my father gave me in fear, but I was slapped again and scolded: Why don't you die?Mother is no longer the mother she used to be.

Now that I have grown up, I can finally keep thinking about my mother's mood at that time.The father's betrayal must have destroyed everything in the mother's heart.She is a proud person, so she must not be able to bear that she is the one who was abandoned; in addition, everything in life has to be carried by herself, which must also make her worry and worry.The mother at that time must have been exhausted! Living with a mother like that, I started to feel like an unnecessary baggage very early on. Not only could I not relieve my mother's burden, but instead brought her pain, and I couldn't even act as the emotional bond between my parents (why didn't my mother think about it, I was also abandoned by my father).It is natural for me not to be loved like this, and I don't need anyone to teach me to understand it.I can't put this feeling into words, but deep down I do feel it.

After that I entered elementary school. I have never been to kindergarten or nursery school, so I really like the group life I came into contact with for the first time.My previous playmates were, at most, children of the same age who lived in the same apartment, so I was simply happy to have more friends. My mother started working in a nearby plastic molding factory, and I became what is known as a key child.But the keys to the apartment I lived in at that time were very cheap. If someone who broke into the empty door really wanted to do it, he must have removed the entire chain head. But I still feel a little proud of getting the key.In other words, it was an acknowledgment that I was indeed part of the family. In the first grade, I lived a peaceful life without any major problems. Having inherited my father's strong body, I am particularly good at sports, and my running speed is also one of the best in the class.When I was in elementary school, I could become the leader of the class just like that, so I kept my profile low at home and free at school.I am very happy to go to school every day, and even feel that the winter and summer vacations are very painful. I was withdrawn and withdrawn, starting in the fall of the second grade of elementary school. Without that incident, school would still be a happy place for me. What kind of providence is it? The so-called bad luck seems to focus on the unfortunate.But if I was smarter at the time, I should have been able to avoid it. In the final analysis, it was because I met a first grader in the same elementary school in the park. I don't know how it is now, but there was no barrier between the children in the past, even if they had never met, as long as they stayed in the same park, they would naturally play together.That child just happened to be haunting the children's park at the Arakawa Ward Office. He is a naughty and funny kid, I admire him a lot.He seemed to be doing the same, running around the park with me and looking happy.When we finally made our way home in the evening, we were both delighted to learn that his house was very close to my apartment.Although the school years are different, they both feel that they should become good friends. Would you like to come in and sit down? When he came to his house, he said reluctantly.He said he raised two green turtles and wanted to show me.There is still plenty of time before my mother comes back from get off work, so I went to his house as a guest with the cheek. His house is a big two-story house, and the first room on the first floor is the room for him and his fourth-grade brother.When he took me home, no one was there except my grandmother, who was watching TV in the living room. By the way, I'll give you chocolate. Taking the little green turtle out of the tank to play with, he said suddenly.Don't take other people's things, that's what my mother ordered on weekdays, so I instinctively refused, but he dragged me to the kitchen regardless. I have a lot of chocolate in my house. He opened the sliding door of the tea cabinet, and inside was a box of chocolates in the dozen that are common in snack shops.It must be a whole box bought back as a snack for children!When it comes to dim sum, I only know that I buy things when I want to eat, so I think his house is very luxurious. He took a piece of chocolate out of the box and handed it to me.I repeatedly refused (I wasn't sure I could hide it from my mother), but he said it was a souvenir of our friendship, so I had to accept it. When I learned that this move caused unexpected trouble, it was already the next day at school. After class was over and ready to leave school, the grade teacher told me to stay temporarily.I secretly wondered what was the matter, so I obediently sat down in my seat and watched everyone leave.When there was no one in the classroom, the teacher sat down in the seat in front of me and asked me who I went to play with yesterday.Of course, I'm telling the truth. At that time, my grade-level teacher was a middle-aged man who wore heavy glasses, and the back of his head combed into a three-quarter-length suit was quite thin. He often joked in class and was very popular with students.Of course, I also like that teacher very much. If someone speaks ill of the teacher in private, I will warn him. The teacher nodded while listening to my narration, and when he heard that I left the park and went to the home of the first-grade students, his eyes suddenly darkened.When I said that the other party gave me chocolates, the teacher retorted in a cold tone: Hello!Don't lie.That chocolate was not given by others, but you stole it! Why it happened like this, I really can't understand.I even thought that the teacher must be playing with me! The child's mother said, after you left, the family lost a piece of chocolate. As the conversation progressed, I finally understood that the mother of what appeared to be a first grader was suing the teacher for stealing chocolate.I pleaded now. However, the first grader said he didn't give it to you. The words that came out of the teacher's mouth in the middle of the speech made me stunned. Probably after I left, his mother came home and found a piece of chocolate missing.Of course, she must have asked the first-year students what was going on.Perhaps, he pressed the question in a stern tone.In desperation, he categorically denied any knowledge.But his mother still asked him aggressively, so he had nothing to do, so he accused me of stealing it! I definitely didn't do that. At that time, I had done everything a child could do.But the teacher turned a deaf ear.I found out afterwards that the child's mother was the vice president of the parent association. As long as you write here that I stole it, you will never dare to do it again next time, and you can go home. Facing me who was crying and complaining, the teacher handed me a scrap of paper and said.Now, forcing an eight-year-old to write that kind of confession would cause an uproar.But at that time, the status of the teacher was absolute. I cried a lot and ended up having to write anyway.Because the teacher said, he can not tell my mother.It is only now that I think that at that time, I should have torn that piece of paper in front of the teacher and scattered the scraps of paper all over the sky. 2 I didn't have a camera at home, so there are very few pictures of my teenage years. In particular, there are not many photos from elementary school, and the oldest one is a group photo taken during an excursion to the UNESCO Memorial Village in Tokorozawa in the spring of the third grade of elementary school.At that time, my classmates stood neatly in a row in front of the windmill to take pictures, but in the photo, I already had the eyes of a wild dog. Children at that time were not used to taking pictures, and most of the expressions in the photos were very serious. Only my face was slightly different, obviously it was a child under ten years old, but I stared fiercely at the camera.Frowning like a mother, as if trying to scare someone. And I was standing on the leftmost side of the last row, just keeping a physical distance from the people around me.It seemed that I was standing here in the wrong place. This meaningless distance seems to clearly express my state of mind at that time.By then, I was completely tired of school and it was miserable being among my classmates. Needless to say, my injustice in the second grade of elementary school has cast a shadow on my heart. No one would believe me. I thought with a distorted heart, and I was disappointed with the teacher who only listened to the other party's one-sided words.At the same time, I also hate the self who, although weeping and reluctant, finally wrote a statement of repentance for theft for something he didn't do. If there is only that scar, maybe time will heal it sooner or later.At that time, I had good friends, as long as I ran and played in the park of the district office, I could forget the unpleasant memories more or less. But something created a gap between me and my friend. The reason is that the chocolate incident spread in the class.The first-year student's older brother knew a certain boy in my class.As the saying goes, a person's mouth cannot be blocked, and the news that leaks from his mouth spreads to the whole class in a blink of an eye. Of course, there are some friends who believe in my innocence, but there are also a group of people who don’t like me (children like to fight at every turn, eager to divide and secure their own territory, perhaps out of an instinct), they just bring up the incident to ridicule me I.For example, if some students left their pencils or erasers on the table and were about to leave, they would glance at me and yell, "Hey, you better put them away!"Because there are thieves in our class. At first I just listened to it casually and didn't take it seriously, but one time, I finally couldn't bear it anymore and did it.I didn't plan to fight seriously, but it ended up being a one-on-three fight in the classroom. Looking back now, it is of great significance that the opponent has a large number of people. If it's one-on-one, I might be merciful, but there are three people on the other side, and if I take it lightly, I will suffer a disadvantage.I had to fight with the feeling of being desperate.I attacked with all my strength, regardless of whether it was the face or the stomach, in short, I could only punch and kick the person in front of me. I ended up winning big.Before my classmates called the male teacher to subdue me, I completely defeated the three of them.They cried and begged for my life, and I was intoxicated by the words. (It turned out to be that simple.) At that time, I suddenly realized that it turned out to be the easiest way to solve the problem by violence, and it was very happy. Afterwards, I was so grumpy that I was completely different from before.Because I realized that it is better to speak with my fist than to swallow my anger, so I resorted to force whenever I felt unsatisfactory.In this way, no one dared to defy me again, which made me very proud.Moreover, after intimidating others to shut up, they will feel that they are great. After that, there is no need to say more. All my former good friends left me, and I became very lonely at school.After being promoted to the third grade, I was divided into classes again, and I was out of place in the new class.The classmates in the class hated me, but I didn't take it seriously, I thought everyone was afraid of my fist.That made me have a happy illusion at the time, the more I swallowed my anger at home, the more mischievous I was at school. So the me in the commemorative village photo is just a stupid teenager who can't figure out the situation.Looking back now that I have grown up, it is an embarrassing photo from various angles. But I love this photo and have treasured it since I was a child.Because four people away from me, Watanabe Kaoru was smiling all over her face. However, her expression of splayed eyebrows, single eyelids and squinting eyes is more like embarrassment than smiling. Kaoru Watanabe was in my third grade class, but I knew she was there before.No reputation for her because she was the one we were known for this school year with poor grades. Although she looks ordinary on the outside, she is actually a cute girl.She is short, and with a chubby figure, she looks quite cute. But she couldn't write her own name when she was in the third grade of elementary school.The two characters Toto and Kaoru seem to have nothing to do with each other, and they are always written in plausible typos.Also, adding and subtracting two-digit numbers is not good.When encountering multiplication and division, even the meaning of calculation itself cannot be understood.Although he knows ninety-nine multiplication, he must just memorize it as a mantra! She appears to be mildly intellectually disabled.However, the degree of her mental retardation is very subtle. Whether she should go to ordinary classes or special education classes (now it seems to be called special support classes) is exactly in between.However, the classmates at the time naturally couldn't understand that kind of thing. Xunzi was bullied early in class.The name is also jokingly called Watanabe fool, and he said that if he meets her, he will be infected with a stupid head, so no one wants to get close to her.She even said that the things she touched could be infected with fool germs, and everyone shunned her. When she was in the same class in the third grade, everyone still bullied her.Even classmates who didn't know her before simply joined the lineup of bullying her. As far as I can see, no classmates tried to stop or shield her.Because they are afraid that if they open their mouths to interfere, they will suffer the same treatment in the next moment.Especially male students, people will laugh at you for liking Watanabe's idiot!Arbitrarily matched into a pair.That kind of stupidity is unbearable, but that's the way schoolchildren are. Despite receiving this kind of treatment, Kaoru has always been cheerful. She always has a smile on her face, as if she doesn't realize that she has been treated unfairly, and she talks to people naturally.If a classmate sitting nearby forgets to bring a pencil case, she will take the initiative to hand over her own pencil, even if the other party doesn't appreciate it and scolds her: Who wants to touch your rotten pencil.Nor will she be discouraged by it.Maybe there's no anger or hate circuit in her body at all, I can't help but think to myself looking at her like this. 3 Not often seen now, but in my teenage years, wild dogs were taken for granted. Usually, they will appear inadvertently in the clutter of alleyways and shopping streets lined with small houses, and then use their own methods to obtain food, and then disappear silently within the same day. Wild dogs can be divided into two types: dogs that live by flattering people, and dogs that avoid people. As long as the former sees someone giving him a little face, he immediately wags his tail desperately and rolls on the ground to reveal his belly.Relying on this to beg for food, greedily begging people to feed it.When it comes to wild dogs prowling the streets, I think this type should account for the overwhelming majority. As for the latter, it may be that they have had too tragic experiences before. When they saw people, they would either run away, or bark in reverse.This kind of dog must not live long. Although I don't have many chances to see it, I always feel very sad when I see it occasionally.Because most of them wear collars, which means that they used to be dogs raised by someone else.They must have been abandoned by their owners for some reason, and they never trusted humans again. I don't like wild dogs of any kind. I don't know if they have gone anywhere, but when I see them wandering the streets, I always feel somewhat similar to myself.Perhaps this feeling is akin to kin hatred. right!I was also a kid with nowhere to go.Although it was self-inflicted, I didn't even have friends to play with, and I only felt miserable at home, so I could only wander the streets to pass the time.After school, I was like a wild dog, walking around the shopping street in front of the station and the park of the ward office. But as the saying goes, it is inevitable for a dog to walk on the road and get hit by a stick. The reason why it happened to me was because I was walking up and down the road aimlessly. It was the summer vacation of the fourth grade of elementary school.Usually the mother who should have gone to work in the factory was at home at that time, so it was probably Sunday. It was painful to meet my mother face to face in the small apartment. I went out in the morning, and after wandering aimlessly for a while, I came to the Arakawa Children's Center, which was located behind the district office at that time.It is my favorite place where I can freely read manga magazines, and it is also my last resort when I have nowhere to kill time. Probably after three o'clock in the afternoon!Suddenly began to rumble and thunder.Looking from the window, there are thick dark clouds floating in the sky, and it seems that a downpour is about to begin. I really have nothing to say about the stupidity of a child. Looking at the sky like that, I thought I should go home immediately.If we continue to stay in the children's building like this, I guess it will rain heavily when the building closes at five o'clock.In reality it was just a thunderstorm, which was heavy but would stop in no time. I walked out of the children's hall and ran towards my house.However, just as I was getting home, large raindrops brushed my cheeks.The surrounding area is full of muddy and damp atmosphere, which makes me feel that the torrential rain is coming. (There is no way to find a place to hide from the rain now!) I try to find a place with a roof.If you bite the bullet and rush home like a drenched chicken, your mother will definitely be furious. After that, I rushed into Jingzheng Temple, which is very close to Mikawashima Station. Passing through the small gate, there is a small cemetery on the right, and a beautiful Guanyin statue stands facing each other.At the end of the not-so-big temple is the main hall, and I plan to take shelter from the rain temporarily under the eaves. Almost as soon as I rushed there, it started to rain heavily.Thunder rumbled as if invisible rocks rolled down from the sky, flashing across the sky again and again. In order not to let the abbot find out, I squatted down and lowered my body.Although I shouldn't be scolded for hiding from the rain, I don't want to attract sympathy for it. The longer time passed, the heavier the rain.The wind even started to blow, the trees rustled like creatures, and every time there was a flash of light in the sky that overexposed the vision, the Guanyin statue seemed to be branded in the eyes. The Kannon statue was built to commemorate the victims and deaths of the Mikawa Island accident. The Mikawashima accident refers to a series of tram accidents that occurred on May 3, Showa 37. A total of 160 people were killed and as many as 300 were injured. It was a major tragedy.One of the places where the remains were placed at that time is said to be this Jingzheng Temple. The apartment I live in is near this site. After leaving the apartment, there is a small shopping street in front of you.Walk a few meters to the right along that road and there is an intersection. Standing there facing south, you will see the embankment where the Joban Line trains run in front of you.That was the scene of the tragedy. However, it was several years after the accident when I moved here, but every year on May 3rd, the Constitution Day, you can still see many bouquets of flowers at the viaduct entrance of the embankment. On the day of the accident, it was said that the area was like hell. The accident happened on a holiday night, and there were many passengers returning from a trip on the tram.Therefore, it is said that most of the victims were young people in their twenties or younger children.There is also a famous story that local residents directly removed the door panels and carried the injured to the hospital because they could not wait for the ambulance. The one who told me about the accident was the grandmother at the snack shop in the shopping street.She often said that Jingzheng Temple worships the poor dead, so when you pass by Jingzheng Temple, you must try your best to pay respects to the comfort monument.Therefore, even now that she has grown up, that grandma's face will still overlap with the Guanyin statue in this temple. After sheltering from the rain for about 20 minutes, there was no more thunder, and the sky gradually brightened.But the rain had not stopped completely. I squatted under the eaves of the main hall, staring blankly at the small bubbles emerging from the seams of the stone-paved path. At this time, familiar words came from far away unexpectedly.Jingzheng Temple is considered a small temple in our area, so the sound of cars outside the wall and people talking loudly can be heard even near the main hall. Hey, Watanabe fool, it's useless for you to hold an umbrella!You are already stupid. Why are you giggling all day, it's disgusting. Watanabe Fool also mentioned it just now, that is the nickname of Watanabe Kaoru.It seems that outside the temple wall, Xunzi and several boys who laughed at her walked by.I remember hearing that her home was in a certain small grocery store behind the Arakawa Ward Hall (now changed to the fashionable name of Sunpearl Arakawa), but would she also come here to play? Incidentally, when I was young, everyone said that rainwater contained radioactive energy from nuclear tests, so if you don’t hold an umbrella on a rainy day, you will not only become bald but also stupid. Even when I heard others laughing at her, I didn't feel it.I have no sympathy for her, and even think that it is inevitable that she will be ridiculed.But in the end, I couldn't bear to rush out in the rain because I heard such a conversation: Watanabe fool, your father ran away from home because you were too stupid! certainly not. She hadn't answered before, and then I heard her voice. My dad went to work in Nagoya, that's what my mom said. Of course it was a lie to you. Your dad left because he couldn't stand your stupidity, that's what I heard. certainly not! When I heard this conversation, I couldn't stand it any longer.It was still raining heavily, but I rushed outside the temple without getting wet. A girl with a red umbrella walked on the road leading to the district office, followed by three boys.The boy was drenched from head to toe, and it seemed that even the heavy rain had become their idea of ​​play. Watch my Kamen Rider kick! One of them became more and more complacent as he talked, and suddenly kicked Xunzi in the back.Xunzi couldn't stand upright all of a sudden, and knelt forward holding an umbrella. The other boy saw it and yelled loudly. You got the fool's germ like that just now!Dirty. I silently approached from behind them.Then he patted the shoulder of the boy who kicked Xunzi, counting the moment when he turned his head, and punched him hard on the cheekbone. You guys, don't go too far! I made as fierce and sharp eyes as I could, and glared at them one by one. My dad also left home, is it also because I am too stupid? I have seen these boys.They are all from the same school year, and one of them was in my class before. sorry. One of them was so intimidated by me that he apologized, and the rest immediately bowed their heads obediently. Apologizing to me is useless, apologies to Watanabe! After watching everyone apologize to Xunzi, I let them go.After the summer vacation is over, rumors might start to spread that I'm Kaoru's boyfriend, but I don't care. Thanks. After everything was over, Xunzi said that she, who always had a smile on her face, rarely showed an angry expression this time. Let me tell you, you can't just hit someone like that! Her gentle speech made me want to laugh.I only apologized because I hit those guys, but Kaoru didn't seem to realize this fact: You really are an idiot. When I said this, Xunzi suddenly turned her face away and replied: Immediately I am no longer an idiot. Why? I'm going to change schools in September, and I'm going to a school where I can understand. I asked in detail, and it turned out that she was going to transfer to another elementary school with special education classes starting from the second semester. Although the distance is not far, but the direction is exactly opposite, so presumably there will be no chance to meet again.It looks like I won't be identified as her boyfriend anymore. That's great, you can do your best! I tapped her on the shoulder and she grinned. 4 After that, the father came back suddenly. It seems that because he broke up with that woman and broke up, but the family has settled down anyway, needless to say, naturally set off a storm again. Even if we broke up, do you think the old debts can be written off? The mother repeatedly reiterated the natural proposition, but the father was not ashamed or annoyed, just looking for reasons for himself. Frankly, I don't want my father back. As my mother said, the fact that I once abandoned my wife and children cannot be erased, so the damage I have suffered cannot be compensated.It would be too embarrassing to move back so brazenly just because there is nowhere to go.If I had known that he would come back so easily, then what was the time when I looked at my mother's gloomy face and trembled tremblingly? But my parents got back together in the end. For me, who was young at the time, I can only say that it was incredible.That may be the mystery of the relationship between men and women, but my father and mother always say that they are all for me, which makes me extremely unhappy. I began to think that everything was ridiculous. Father and mother were ridiculous, but so was school.The world is always changing in accordance with others, and it is ridiculous to be played around.TV, movies, and books, and the world in general, are all ridiculous. When I was ten years old, I had that kind of emptiness in my eyes early on.Everything I do feels boring, as if everything has nothing to do with me.I would love to grow up and leave home, but sometimes, even that thought doesn't seem to matter. Looking back now, if I continue to grow up like that, I think I will definitely become a person with a cold heart, a lonely person who is always disappointed with society and human nature, and doubts the care and kindness of others. But perhaps yearning for some balance, shortly after learning of that nothingness, I began to have strange dreams. No, the dream itself has nothing magical about it. It's just that I keep dreaming of strangers smiling eagerly and eating chocolate in what seems to be an outdoor place.As far as imagining the dream world full of wonders beyond the sky, it is an overly quiet scenery. The first dream was about a five-year-old girl.She wore a pink dress with a small cut, and concentrated on eating chocolate in the strangely shining scenery.Silently, I felt as if I was diving into a swimming pool, watching the landscape. (Who was that person just now?) After waking up, I wondered secretly in bed. I can see the girl's face clearly, but I have no impression at all.Neither knew anyone nor remembered seeing it on TV.Maybe I just forgot, where have I seen it before? Of course, if that's all it might not be worth making a fuss about, what surprised me was that the dream was so realistic. Dreams are clearer than usual, almost like what happened in reality.Even the smell of the chocolate the girl ate seemed to linger deep in the nostrils the next morning. However, no matter how wonderful the dream is, if it only happens once, it is nothing.It's just that once in a while I have a strangely clear dream, which can be solved with this sentence.The problem is, since the ghost festival has been like this every day, how can I explain the whole seven days, I have that dream every day.The people who appear in each dream are different, but the one thing in common is that they are all eating chocolate. Sometimes it was boys of high school age, wearing school uniforms and eating chocolate.With one hand in the pocket of his trousers, he gnawed a whole piece of chocolate, looking very handsome while eating.Sometimes it is a seemingly elegant middle-aged woman who breaks off a small piece of chocolate and eats it equally elegantly.The next day, a man in a suit led elementary school boys who were about my age, split a piece of chocolate in half, and ate happily. (What is going on in this dream?) Seven days in a row, I have to wonder. I have never seen anyone who appeared in the dream.Who are they?Why are they all eating chocolate?It can't be that the chocolate company invented the method of playing advertisements in dreams! So, I decided to try the dream-remembering method I had read about in manga magazines.However, in fact, I just prepared note paper and pencils by my pillow, and wrote down my dreams as soon as I woke up, that's all.Frankly speaking, because it is so simple, I even half-believed, but actually tried it, it was unexpectedly effective. I prepared a small piece of note paper and a pencil by my pillow, and immediately recorded the scenery I saw in my dream as much as possible as soon as I woke up.At first, I could only think of people laughing and eating chocolate, but maybe my memory was enhanced as I took notes, and I gradually saw slender shadows behind them. (Could that be the Guanyin Bodhisattva of Jingzheng Temple?) That shadow, gradually becoming clearer and clearer, is a day when the summer vacation is about to end. That is indeed the Guanyin statue built by the Guanyin Bodhisattva of Jingzheng Temple to commemorate the victims of the Mikawa Island accident.In this way, those strangers eating chocolate should be in Jingzheng Temple.Why do you have to eat chocolate in a place like that? After discovering this, I couldn't sit still any longer. Unfortunately, it rained heavily early in the morning. After the rain weakened to a certain extent, I decided to go to Jingzheng Temple.From the apartment on the outskirts of the shopping street, even an elementary school student can walk in about ten minutes. 我出門時正值中午，雨勢已變得很小。我想雨停也只是遲早的問題，但是為求謹慎起見我還是撐傘出門。 淨正寺內，那天一如往常安靜。甚至可以聽見變小的雨滴打在櫻葉和參道石板上的聲音。 （什麼也沒有嘛！） 我邊這麼想，邊在寺內走了十分鐘。墓地裡成排的墓石，以及那塊慰靈碑與觀音像也被雨淋濕，好像比平時更有生氣（這麼說似乎也怪怪的）。 最後，我也膩了在那裡浪費時間，於是準備離開。就在這時，一支紅傘無意間穿過大門走來。 （還以為是誰呢居然是渡部。） 對，是渡部薰子撐著那把熟悉的紅傘。我情急之下躲到排放掃墓用水桶的架子後面，觀望事態的發展。 薰子撐傘走到觀音像前站定，猛然將兩手一拍（不消說，那是錯誤的舉動④）用清楚的聲音說： 請讓XX同學早日收到我的心電感應。 她說的正是我的名字。但是，她所謂的心電感應云云是指什麼，我一頭霧水。 ④正確的參拜方式應是一鞠躬，二拍手，默禱之後再一鞠躬。 喂，渡部。 等她抬起頭後，我喊道。薰子轉身看到我，大吃一驚地縮身向後躲。 ah!Scared me.不要突然出聲好不好。 就算事先出聲，我想她還是一樣會被嚇到。 不過，太好了。看來菩薩聽到我的心願了。 薰子用如釋重負的口吻嘀咕。 剛才我聽到一點點妳在說什麼心電感應？關我什麼事？ 我跟你說。 被我這麼一問，紅傘下的薰子，臉變得更紅了。 其實，我想為上次的事道謝可是，我不知道你住在哪裡，所以我天天來觀音菩薩面前許願。請菩薩讓你再來這裡一次。 薰子邊說邊摸索裙子口袋，取出一片巧克力。那是我忘也忘不了，和以前蒙上不白之冤時的巧克力一模一樣。 上次謝謝你。來，這個給你。 我收下一看，巧克力已經軟趴趴了。雖說下著雨，這時畢竟仍然是八月。 都已經溶化了。 我笑著拆開包裝，撕開銀紙。宛如烤吐司上的奶油，巧克力已經溶化了。我用食指指尖抹起來舔給她看。 Is it tasty? 嗯，不賴。我超愛吃巧克力。 我一邊回答，一邊萌生奇妙的感慨自己居然會在這寺內吃巧克力。 渡部妳剛才說，妳每天都來這觀音菩薩前許願。 我把自己做的奇妙夢境告訴她。 噢，那一定是意外死亡的那些人啦！ 薰子理所當然地說。 那場意外發生時，我爸爸說他和附近鄰居同心協力，一起送了很多人去醫院。可是，他說有很多人在半路上就死了，還有很多人抵達醫院後也死了我想，一定是那些人在幫忙。 她的話，令我瞬間感到背上一陣寒意！回想起夢中見到的那些人，我覺得有這種感覺很奇妙。因為他們真的是拿著巧克力吃得津津有味。 說到這裡妳每天都來？ Um!因為我們馬上就沒機會再見面了。 換言之，我做夢那天，就是她來這裡向觀音菩薩許願的日子嗎？為了我，她竟然天天來 謝謝謝謝妳。 我不覺間心頭一緊。或許不是在第一時間，但她的心願的確傳達到了。 道謝的人明明是我，你好奇怪喔不過，轉學之前能跟你說話真是太好了。 薰子又露出那種困窘的笑容說。 XX同學，上次我也說過，動不動就打人不好喔！會被大家討厭。 這個我也知道。 我只能這麼回答。我實在無法告訴她，那是因為打人讓別人聽自己的命令感覺很爽快。 雖然不太好意思，不過反正要道別了，所以我就直說吧我最喜歡你的笑臉了。 薰子說完，立刻把傘放倒遮住臉。大概是不想讓我看見她害羞的表情，但我很慶幸她這麼做了。 因為聽到這句話的瞬間，我就再也克制不住再也克制不住淚水自眼睛深處溢出。 即便是這樣的我，也有人肯說喜歡我。 即便是心性彆扭又粗暴的我，也有人誇獎我笑起來很好看。 雖然我明明早已主動放棄去努力與人溝通。 謝謝妳渡部。 我拚命拿手背抹去流出的眼淚，一邊說道。她稍微舉起傘，看著我的臉。 Huh!strangeness.你怎麼哭了？ 那當然是因為太高興了。 我盡可能老實回答。 Stop lying.別忘了，我很笨耶！我是渡部傻子耶！連自己的名字都不會寫被這樣的女生告白，怎麼可能會高興。 不，我很高興非常高興。 real? real. 聽到我這麼回答，薰子目不轉睛地看了我一會。最後她帶著困窘的笑容，也流下美麗的淚水。 I'm glad too. 這時，腳下的石板在日光照耀下，不知不覺中拉長了我們的影子，雨停後太陽似乎出來了。我放下傘眼前的天空有一彎大大的彩虹。 渡部，妳看彩虹。 哇，真的耶！ 我們各自放下傘，在淨正寺內並肩凝視巨大的彩虹。也許是因為重現的日光太強，彩虹看起來清晰有力。 XX同學，你有沒有聞到橘子的味道？ 過了一會，薰子臉朝著彩虹對我說。 被妳這麼一說，的確有一點。 的確如她所言，不知從哪隱約飄來柑橘類的香氣。明顯與被雨淋濕的植物氣味不同，是一種柔柔刺激鼻腔深處的香氣。 會是什麼呢是彩虹的味道嗎？ How can it be. 她的話令我笑了，但內心一隅卻倏然在想，或許真的是。世間有時真的會有心電感應，心地善良的死者們，也會為無名少女助上一臂之力。就算彩虹隱約聞得到，又有什麼好奇怪的。 我們把傘扔開，不約而同地牽起手。 5 正如我猜想的，瀑布般的大雨過了二十分鐘左右就變小了。同樣在躲雨的人群之中，已有人早早離開車站大樓。 我瞥向雲層快速流動的天空，思忖自己該怎麼辦。我煩惱了一下，最後做出最好再等一下的結論。 （這才想到，最近都沒看到彩虹。） 我仰望車站前的天空，如此暗想。 意外得到的空白時間不知不覺，我又重回三十年前的少年時代。 每當我回想起那天並肩眺望彩虹的薰子笑容，至今心窩仍會感到一陣暖意。她是第一個讓被眾人疏遠的我，分享到無償之愛的女性。當時，如果沒有與她相識，我八成早已步入歧途了。 從那天起，我努力重新融入學校。 起先當然不順利，但漸漸收到成果，到我畢業時身邊已有很多朋友了。畢業典禮結束後，大家一同拍攝的紀念照中，我和好幾個朋友搭著肩歡笑。 能夠那樣，還是拜薰子所賜吧！若是能與轉到別的學校的她一起畢業，應該會更好。 在這世上，肯定沒有哪隻狗是自願變成野狗的。即便一點點也好，若能被愛若能切實感到自己被某人需要，或許便可重新走上正途。 （差不多該走了吧！） 確定雨滴變得很小後，我也邁步走出。就在同一時間，我看到眼前的馬路上，有一把紅傘正拐彎走來。 紅傘主人一看到我，便立刻微微揮手。另一隻手上，拎了一把紳士用傘。 You're back. 最後她在我面前站定，伴隨一如往昔的語氣遞上雨傘。 妳幹麼還特地跑來。 偶爾一次有什麼關係。不過，幸好我本來還在擔心如果在我抵達前雨就停了該怎麼辦呢！ 我又沒打電話，虧妳算得這麼準，知道我到車站了。 多多少少，就是知道嘛！ 薰子說著低垂著眉尾，露出困窘的笑容。