Chapter 9 Chapter nine

Grandma arrived at home the night before the memorial service, hailed a limousine as usual, and sipped champagne all the way from the airport to my house.She was wearing a so-called thick and beautiful animal, which was actually a second-hand mink coat bought at a church auction.Parents didn't deliberately ask her if she wanted to participate, as long as she came.The memorial service was the idea of ​​Principal Keding, it is good for your children and the students in the school, he told the parents, so he took the initiative to initiate this memorial service in our church.Mom and Dad nodded in agreement like sleepwalking, numbly dealing with things like what flowers to order and who to invite to talk.When my mother and grandma mentioned this matter on the phone, when my grandma said that I would participate, my mother was a little surprised.

Mom, you don't necessarily have to come. Grandma was silent for a while, Abigail, Grandma said: It's Suzie's funeral. Grandma embarrassed Mom by insisting on walking around the neighborhood in a second-hand mink coat.Another time, my grandmother wore heavy makeup to attend a party in our community, which also made my mother embarrassed.When participating in community gatherings, my grandmother always pulls my mother to ask things, such as whether my mother has been to this person's house, what industry that person's husband is engaged in, what kind of car he drives, etc., until she asks who everyone is, then my grandmother will let go. Mom is a horse.Grandma was always trying to figure out who the neighbors were, and now I understand that Granny was trying to get to know Mom that way.But grandma made a wrong calculation. Unfortunately, mother never responded.

Jack, Grandma approached the gate, and exclaimed melodramatically: We've got to have a good drink!Grandma saw Linxi wanting to run upstairs secretly, anyway, grandma would definitely look for her later, she wanted to be quiet for a few minutes now.The kids hate me, Grandma sighs, her smile suddenly stiffening to reveal a mouthful of perfect white teeth. Mom, Mom said hello, I really want to look into her sad blue eyes, don't worry, Lindsey just wants to look good. It is impossible to dress up beautifully in this house!Grandma said. Mom, Dad said: This home is different from the last time you came here.I'll pour you a glass of wine, but I must ask you to respect everyone.

Jack, you're still damn handsome.Grandma said. Mom took Grandma's coat, and Buckley yelled from the second-floor window: Grandma is here!When Buckley yelled, Halliday was shut up in Dad's study, and my little brother bragged to Knight, or anyone who would listen, that his grandma had the biggest car in the world. Mom, you look good.Mom said. Well, as soon as Dad walked away, grandma immediately asked: "Is he okay?" We all try to cope, but it's really hard. Does he still talk about the murderer? Yes, he still thinks that man killed Suzy. You're going to get sued, you know that.she says.

He has not filed a complaint against anyone other than the police. Lindsey was sitting on the top of the stairs, neither Ma nor Gram saw. He shouldn't tell anyone, I know he wants to blame someone, but Mom, whiskey or martini?Dad walked back to the gate and asked. what do you drink? Well, I don't drink alcohol for a while.Dad said. Ah, this is your problem.I'll do it myself, you don't have to tell me where the wine is! Without the heavy and beautiful animal, Grandma looks rather small.Diet early, she told me when I was eleven years old, baby, you have to start dieting now, lest the fat accumulate on your body for too long.People say that a chubby person is cute, but they actually mean that this person is ugly.She and her mother often quarreled over whether I was old enough to take appetite suppressants. She said these medicines were her life-saving pills, and she said to her mother: I gave my life-saving pills to your daughter, and you deprived her of her rights. ?

When I was alive, everything my grandma did seemed to be wrong, but that day she came to the door of the house in a rented limousine, she opened the door and swaggered in, and strange things happened .She came to my house with pride and style, and made the house full of life again. Abigail, you need help.After dinner, grandma said to mother.This is the first time Mom has cooked dinner since I disappeared. Mom was startled. She just put on her blue dishwashing gloves, filled the sink with soapy water, and was about to wash the dishes. Lindsey would Helping wipe the dishes, she thought grandma would ask Dad to pour her a glass of after-dinner wine.

Mom, it's best you can help. You're welcome, grandma said: I'll get my magic bag at the gate. Oh, no.I heard my mother say under her breath. OK, magic bag.Lindsay said she didn't speak for the entire meal. Mom, please.Mom protested, and grandma came back from the gate. Children, clear the table and put your mother here, I will make her a new look. Mom, stop messing around, I still have dishes to wash. Abigail.Dad said softly. Oh no, she may have given you a drink, but she's not going to come near me with that torture thing. I am not drunk.Dad said. dare you laugh.Mom said.

You sue him.Granny said: Buckley, grab your mother's hand and drag her here.The younger brother listened and followed suit. He found it very interesting to see his mother being controlled and forced to leave by others. grandmother?Lindsay asked shyly. Buckley pulled Mom to a chair in the kitchen that Granny had already pulled toward her. What's up? Can you teach me how to do makeup? God, thank goodness, of course! Mom sat down and Buckley climbed into her lap and said, "Mommy, what's wrong?" Abby, are you laughing?Dad said with a smile. Mom was indeed laughing, and she was smiling and crying.

Suzie is a good girl, sweetie, just like you, Grandma said.Then she said: OK, raise your chin up and let me see the dark circles under your eyes. Barkley climbed down and sat on another chair.Here's the eyelash curler, Lindsay, grandma said and demonstrated, and I'll teach you all about it. Clarissa uses this too.Lindsay said. Grandma clamped the rubber rolls on Mom's upper and lower eyelashes, and Mom got used to this procedure and raised her head slightly. Have you spoken to Clarissa?Dad asked. Not really, Lindsey said: she used to talk to Brian.Nelson, they skipped classes enough to get reprimanded.

I didn't think Clarissa would do that, Dad said: she wasn't the best, but she never got into trouble. The last time I saw her, she smelled like marijuana. I hope you don't get into these troubles.Grandma said, she drank the last sip of whiskey and put the glass heavily on the table, all right, Lindsay, come over and have a look, lo and behold, the eyelashes are curled up, don't your mother's eyes look brighter? Lindsey tried to picture her eyelashes curled up, but Samuel W.Hankel's eyes, she thought of Samuel kissing her, the stars twinkling around his lashes.Thinking of this, her pupils dilated and trembled violently like olives in the breeze.

Can't think of it.Grandma said that she was holding the strange-shaped handle of the eyelash curler with one hand, and the other was on her hip. Can't think of anything? Lindsay.Shamon, you have a boyfriend.Grandma announced to everyone. Dad smiled, he suddenly became very fond of grandma, and so did I. I don't.Lindsay said. Grandma was about to speak, and mother said softly: You have. Thank goodness, sweetheart, Grandma said: You should have a boyfriend.After helping your mother put on makeup, grandma will take good care of you.Jack, give me an aperitif. The mother who drank the aperitif before the meal began to preach again. Don't correct me, Abigail. Grandma got drunk, she drew Lindsey like a clown, she herself said that Lindsey looked like a red card whore, dad drank like grandma called drunk just right, and the most amazing thing was that mom put the dirty bowl Left the dish in the sink and went upstairs to bed. After everyone fell asleep, Lindsay stood in front of the bedroom mirror and looked at herself.She wiped off some blush, wiped her lips, and touched her slightly swollen brows. She had just plucked some eyebrows, and the originally thick brows were slightly red and swollen.She saw a different version of herself in the mirror, and so did I: she was an adult who could take care of herself.Under the makeup is a face she is familiar with, she knows it is her own face, but recently when everyone sees her, they always think of me unconsciously.With lipstick and eye shadow, the contours of her face were defined and she radiated a magical jewel-like radiance like nothing else in the house.Granny was right, the makeup made her eyes bluer, the brows plucked changed the shape of her face, and the blush accentuated her cheekbones (these contours could be enhanced, Granny emphasized).Her lips looked different, too, and she made all kinds of expressions in the mirror: pouting, kissing, laughing like she had a cocktail.She lowered her head, praying like a good girl, and peeking at herself as a good girl.She went to bed with her back against the bed so as not to mess up her brand new look. Bethel.Mrs. Urtmire was the only dead person Lindsay and I had ever seen.She and her son moved to our neighborhood when I was six and Lindsay was five. The mother said part of her brain was missing, so sometimes she didn't know where she was when she left her son's house.She often walked to the front yard of our house, stood under the tree and stared at the street, as if standing there waiting for the bus. Mom often took her to the kitchen and sat down, made a cup of tea for the two of them, and then called her son after comforting her.Sometimes when no one answered the phone at her son's house, Mrs. Urtmire would sit in our kitchen, staring at the centerpiece of the table for hours without saying a word.She wasn't there when we got home from school, she sat smiling at us in the kitchen, and often called Natalie while stroking Lindsay's hair. When Mrs. Urtmire died, her son asked my mother to take Lindsey and me to the funeral. My mother seemed to have a special fondness for your little one.her son wrote. Mom, she doesn't even know my name.Linxi complained in a low voice, and while helping Linxi button the countless round buttons on the dress, she thought to herself: This is another gift from grandma with no practical use. At least she still calls you Natalie.I said. It was just after Easter and spring was just starting to heat up, with temperatures climbing that week and most of the snow and ice having melted, leaving only a few snow remnants on the ground.In the cemetery of the Ertmeyer family church, ice and snow cling to the bottom of the headstones, and not far away, buttercups have begun to sprout. The Urtmeyer family had a rather ornate church, and they were rich Catholics.Dad said in the car.Lindsey and I thought the whole thing was hilarious, Dad didn't want to go to the funeral, but Mom was so potbellied she couldn't drive.In the final months of her pregnancy with Buckley, my mother was too big to sit in the driver's seat.She was uncomfortable most of the time and we tried to stay away from her to avoid scolding. But because she was pregnant with Buckley, my mother avoided the ceremony, and Lindsey and I got to see the remains.We couldn't help talking about it after the funeral, and I kept dreaming about Mrs Uttmire in her coffin long afterward.I know my parents didn't want us to see the body, but when we were queuing up to pass the coffin, Mr. Uttmire motioned for Lindsey and me to go up and have a look. Which one was the Natalie my mother was talking about?he asked, we stared at her, and I pointed to Lindsay. I want you to come and say goodbye.He said his cologne was stronger than mom's, and the pungent smell, combined with the feeling of being excluded, made me want to cry.You can come too.He said to me, and with a wave of his hand, he beckoned us to him. The person lying in the coffin didn't look like Mrs. Uttmire, but it was Mrs. Uttmire, which was rather odd.I try to focus on the sparkling ring on her finger. Mom, said Mr. Urtmire: This is the little girl you called Natalie. Lindsey and I later confessed to each other that we had both thought that Mrs. Urtmire would talk, and we had decided that if she did, we would grab each other and run for our lives. After a painful second or two, the ceremony ended and we returned to our parents. The first time I saw Mrs. Urtmire in Paradise, I wasn't very surprised.Halle and I were not surprised to see her walking together with a little blond girl who she introduced as her daughter Natalie. On the morning of the memorial service, Linxi stayed in her room as long as possible. She didn't want her mother to see that she was still wearing makeup. After a long time, even if her mother saw her, it would be too late for her to wash it off.She also told herself that it was okay to take a dress from my closet, I wouldn't mind. But the whole situation seemed odd. She opened the door to my room, and by February, people were trespassing more and more into this forbidden place, and even so, neither Dad nor Mom nor Buckley nor Lindsey would admit to having entered my room.Everyone does not admit that they took things from my room, and they have no intention of returning them.Everyone had obviously been in my room, but everyone ignored all signs and blamed Halledi for every movement in the room, even if it couldn't have been Halledy's fault. Lindsay wanted to dress up Samuel. She opened my closet and carefully examined the mess of clothes inside. I am not a clean person, every time my mother asks me to clean the room, I always put the clothes on the floor or on the bed into the closet. Lindsey is always coveting my new clothes, but she can only wear my old ones. God.She looked at the dark closet and sighed. All the clothes in front of her eyes belonged to her. She felt a little happy and a little guilty. Hello?Is anyone in there?asked grandmother. Lindsay jumped up in fright. Sorry sweetheart to startle you, she said: I think I heard you in there. Grandma was standing in the doorway, wearing what Mama called a Jackie dress.My mother never understood why grandma's figure is different from ours. Grandma's hips are flat, and she looks slim in a straight dress. Even at the age of sixty-two, grandma is still a hanger. what are you doing hereLindsay asked. I need someone to zip me up.Grandma turned around as she spoke, and Lindsey saw Grandma's black bra buckle and skirt, something she had never seen her mother wear.She walked up to Grandma, careful not to touch anything but the zipper, and carefully helped Grandma zip it up. See the hook on the zipper?Grandma said: Can you buckle it up? Grandma's neck was filled with the scent of face powder and Chanel No. 5 perfume. You can't do this alone, that's why we need a man by our side. Lindsey was already as tall as her grandmother, and she was still growing upwards. She was holding the hook with one hand and the eye with the other. A few strands of highlighted blonde hair were stuck to the back of her head, and she could still see the soft gray hair. Scattered on the nape of grandma's neck.She helped grandma fasten the hook, and then stood still. I have forgotten what she looks like.Lindsay said. What are you talking about?Grandma turned around and said. I can't remember, Lindsay said: I mean, I forgot what her neck looked like.Grandma, did I notice her neck? Oh dear, Grandma said: Come here.She held out her arms, but Lindsey turned to face the closet. I want to look good. You are already beautiful.Grandma said. Lindsay could barely breathe. Grandma never praised anyone. When she praised you, you felt her praise was as precious as gold falling from the sky. Come, we will be able to help you find beautiful clothes.Grandma walked towards the closet as she talked. She knows how to pick clothes better than anyone else. In the past, she occasionally came to us before school started, and she took us to buy clothes. We watched her slender fingers flying quickly among the hangers, which seemed to be The keys, and she is a piano master, which is amazing to watch.All of a sudden, she stopped and in less than a second pulled out a dress or a shirt from the pile of clothes to show us, what do you think?she asked, the dress in her hand was always perfect. She looked at my clothes, rummaged through them, and put them on Linxi for gestures. Your mother is in a bad situation, Lindsay, I've never seen her like this. grandmother Shh, let me think.She picked up a dress I wore to church, a dark tweed dress with a scoop neck so big I could sit cross-legged on a church chair and let the hem of the dress drop to the floor , so I especially like wearing this dress to church.Where did she buy this cloth bag?Grandma said: Your father is also in a bad situation, but at least he is angry. Who was that person you were talking to mom about? Grandma was taken aback when she heard that, who is it? You ask your mother if your father still thinks that person is the murderer.who's that person? This is it!Grandma Lynn held up a mini dress that Lindsey had never seen, it was Clarissa's. It's too short.Lindsay said. Your mother amazed me, Grandma Lynn said: She let you buy such fashionable clothes! Dad told everyone downstairs to prepare quickly, and they would go out in ten minutes. Grandma immediately showed her talents. She helped Linxi put on this dark blue dress, and then the two of them ran back to Linxi's room to put on their shoes.After getting dressed, grandma used the light on her head in the aisle to redraw the blurred eyeliner for Linxi, and then applied mascara for Linxi again, and finally she helped Linxi apply a tight layer of powder. She picked up the powder, Gently slap up Lindsay's cheeks.Grandma followed Linxi downstairs, and my mother said that Linxi's skirt was too short. Linxi and I saw my mother staring at grandma suspiciously. It was only then that we realized that grandma didn't wear makeup.Buckley sat between Lindsay and his grandmother, and when he was approaching the church, he looked at her and asked curiously what she was doing. When you don't have time to apply makeup, this will make your cheeks look more energetic.She said that Buckley followed suit, pinching his cheeks like his grandmother. Samuel.Hankel stood by the stone pillar by the church door, dressed in black, and his brother Hall stood beside him in the battered leather jacket Samuel had worn on Christmas Day. Hall looks like a darker Samuel. He often rides a motorcycle on country roads, his skin is very tanned, and the wind and rain can be seen on his face.Hall turned away as soon as our family approached. This must be Samuel, the grandmother said: I am the wicked grandmother. let's go in, shall we?Dad said: Nice to see you, Samuel. Lindsey and Samuel walked in front, and Grandma walked back a few steps beside Mom, and the family walked into church together. Detective Fenemont stood at the door in an itchy-looking suit. He nodded to my parents. His eyes seemed to rest on my mother. Come with us, okay?Dad asked. Thanks, he said: I'll just stand around here. Thank you for coming. The family members walked into the entrance of the church, and I really wanted to sneak behind my father, linger on his neck, and whisper in his ear.But I already exist in every pore of his. When he woke up in the morning, he was still a little hangover. He turned to look at his sleeping mother, who was breathing shallowly against the pillow.Alas, his dear wife, the woman he loved, he would have liked to touch her cheeks, smooth her hair, kiss her, but she slept so peacefully that only in her sleep did she find peace.He's been through different things every day since learning of my death, but to be honest, the memorial service wasn't the worst, at least today everyone will be honest about my death.For a while, no one said anything clearly, and it made people even more sad to hear the flickering words.Today he doesn't have to pretend that he has returned to normal, no matter what it is called normal, he can express his sadness frankly, and no one will say anything after seeing it.Abigail didn't have to hide it deliberately anymore, but he knew that as soon as she woke up, he couldn't look at her like now.Knowing that I was dead, the Abigail he knew was gone, and he would never see her again.It has been nearly two months since my death, and the tragedy has gradually faded away from everyone. Only my family and Ruth still remember me firmly. Ruth came with her father, and they stood in the corner of the church by the glass case that held the communion chalice, a relic from the American Revolutionary War, when the church had been a hospital.The DeWitts chatted with Ruth and their daughter. Mrs. DeWitt had a poem written by Ruth on her desk at home. She planned to show it to the school counselors on Monday. Ruth wrote in the poem mentioned me. My wife seemed to agree with Principal Kading, Ruth's father said: She thought the memorial service would help the students deal with it. what you think?Mr. DeWitt asked. I thought it was over and we'd better not bother people anymore, but Ruth said she wanted to come. Ruth watched my family say hello to everyone, and also noticed Lindsay's new look. She didn't like Lindsay's look. She believed that makeup demeaned women and was always against the use of cosmetics.She saw Samuel.Hankel held Lindsay's hand, and suddenly the word submission mentioned in feminist books came to mind, but I noticed that she was peeking at Hall through the window.Hankel Hall stood smoking a cigarette by the ancient grave outside the church. Ruth, her dad asked: What's the matter? She quickly concentrated and replied: What's wrong? You just stared into the distance in a daze.He said. I love church cemeteries. Daughter, you are my little angel, he said: let's find a good seat before it is full. Clarissa also attended the memorial service, Brian.Nelson arrives listlessly with Clarissa in his dad's suit.She pushed through the crowd and walked up to my family. As soon as Principal Kading and Mr. Burt saw her, they stepped aside and let her go on. She shook hands with my dad first. Hi Clarissa, Dad said: How are you? All right, she said: How are you and Mrs. Salmon? We're fine, Clarissa.He said, and I thought to myself: What a strange lie!Do you want to sit with our family? Well she looked down at her hands, me with my boyfriend. Mom was in a daze, staring at Clarissa and thinking Clarissa was alive and I was dead.Clarissa felt her mother's gaze, and her mother's gaze seemed to be burned into her skin, making her just want to run away. Then she saw the dress. Hi.She said hello and held out her hand to Lindsay. What's wrong?Clarissa.Mom suddenly lost control of her emotions. Oh, it's all right.She said she took another look at the dress and knew she would never get it back. Abigail?Dad said he could hear Mom's anger and sense something was wrong. Grandma, standing behind Mom, winked at Clarissa. I just want to say that Lindsay looks so beautiful today.Clarissa said. My sister blushed. There was a commotion in the crowd standing in the porch, and everyone stood apart on both sides. Pastor Strick walked towards his parents in his sacrificial attire. Clarissa quietly went to the back to find Brian, and after finding him, the two walked out to the cemetery together. thunder.Singer hid away, and he wanted to say good-bye to me in his own way.I gave him a picture in the fall, and he looked at my picture and silently said goodbye to me. He gazes into the eyes of the photograph, on the marbled velvet in the background.Every child used this flannelette as the background when taking pictures, sitting under the hot light and posing with a stiff smile.Ray didn't know what death represented, did it represent loss, gone forever, or time stopped forever?But he knew that the photo must be different from the real person, and he himself was not as wild or shy as in the photo.He stared at my photo and gradually realized that it wasn't me in the photo.I was in the air, all around him; I was in the cold mornings he spent with Ruth, and in the moments when he was alone between classes, when I was the girl he wanted to kiss.He wanted to let me go, but didn't know how.He didn't want to burn or lose my photo, but he also didn't want to see it again.I watched him clip photos into a thick book of Indian poetry. He and his mother clipped many fragile flowers in the book. Over time, the petals have slowly turned to dust. People at the memorial service praised me a lot, Reverend Strike, Principal Cadding, and Mrs. DeWitt said a lot of good things, but Mom and Dad just sat there numb.Samuel kept pinching Lindsay's hand, but she didn't seem to notice him, and she didn't blink.Buckley was wearing a suit that Knight had borrowed from him. Knight had just attended a wedding at the beginning of the year, and the suit came in handy. He fidgeted and kept staring at his father.Before the memorial service was about to end, grandma did the most important thing of the day. When the last hymn was sung and my family stood up, my grandmother approached Lindsay and whispered to her: That's the man by the door. Lindsey looked back. Ryan.Behind Fenemont stood a neighbor of ours, who stood at the door and sang hymns with them. In a thick flannel shirt and khaki trousers, he dressed more lightly than anyone else at the memorial service.For a moment, Lindsay recognized who he was, they stared at each other, and Lindsay passed out. Everyone hurried over to take care of her. In the chaos, George.Harvey crept across the cemetery behind the church, disappearing inconspicuously among the Revolutionary War-era headstones.