Chapter 18 Chapter Seventeen

At twenty-one, Lindsay is a grown-up, and though I'll never be like her, I hardly feel bad about it anymore.I followed her wherever she went, with a college degree and sitting on the back of Samuel's motorcycle, wrapping my arms around his waist, close to him for warmth. Well, I know, I know, it's not me, it's Lindsey.Still, I found that Lindsay made me forget who I was more than anyone else. The night Lindsay graduated from Temple University, Lindsay rode Samuel's motorcycle back to my parents' house. They promised my father and grandmother repeatedly that they would never touch the champagne in the glove box of the motorcycle until they got home. Rest assured. Well, we're college graduates after all, Samuel said.Dad had always trusted Samuel, and Samuel had been so nice to his only remaining daughter all these years.

Halfway home by bike from Philadelphia, the sky suddenly began to rain.The rain was light at first, and Lindsey and Samuel were going fifty miles an hour, the light rain hurting their faces a little.It was a sweltering June day, and the icy raindrops fell on the hot asphalt road, causing a smell of burnt asphalt.Lindsey liked to bury her head between Samuel's shoulder blades. She took a deep breath of the smell of asphalt and grass on both sides of the road, remembering that everyone was standing in front of the auditorium just now. Graduation gowns, for that brief moment, everyone seemed to be blown by the wind.

Eight miles from home, the rain was pouring harder and harder, and Samuel yelled to Lindsey behind him that he had to pull over for a while. They rode slowly across the overgrown road beside the road, which was a bit of a wasteland between two commercial areas. Although it was overgrown with weeds now, it would not be long before there would be a row of shops or garages.The locomotive wobbled on the slippery road, but thankfully it didn't slip on the shoulder. Samuel used his feet to help the brakes, and then let Lindsey off first, as Hall taught him, and waited for Lindsey to move away from the locomotive. , I jumped out of the car again.

He opened the safety goggles on the helmet and yelled at Lindsay: I don't think this will work, I have to push the motorcycle under the tree. Lindsay followed him, the raindrops appearing silent through the hard hat.They walked carefully through the slippery and muddy path, stepped on the bushes and garbage beside the road, and the rain seemed to be getting heavier. Lindsey was glad that she had changed out of her graduation dress, and Samuel insisted that she change into a leather jacket and Leather pants, when she protested that she looked like a pervert, and now she is grateful to have listened to Samuel.

Samuel pushed the car under an oak tree by the side of the road, and Linxi followed closely behind. A week ago, they went to have their hair cut together. His hair was cut as short as Samuel's.As soon as they took off the hard hats, large raindrops fell through the treetops and fell on their hair, and Lindsey's mascara became smeared.I watched Samuel wipe the mascara off Lindsay's face with his thumb, happy graduation! he said, standing under a shadowy tree, and bent down to kiss her. Two weeks after my death, they kissed for the first time in my kitchen.In the past, Linxi and I used to hug Barbie dolls, or face youth idols on TV, smirking and imagining what our sweetheart would look like. From the moment they kissed for the first time, I knew that Samuel was Linxi The only true love.Samuel always thought of Linxi, and the two established a tacit understanding from the beginning.They went to Temple University together and were inseparable for four years. Samuel didn't like going to college and barely finished his studies under Lindsay's urging.Lindsay was so happy in school that Samuel survived four years of college.

Come, let's find out which area is more densely wooded.He said. What about locomotives? Might have to call Hall to pick us up when the rain stops. Damn it!Lindsay grumbled. Samuel smiled, then took Linxi's hand, and the two walked forward together.As soon as they took a step, they heard the sound of thunder. Lindsay jumped up in fright, and Samuel immediately hugged her tightly. The lightning was still some distance away from them, and the closer they got, the louder the thunder would become.Lindsey has always disliked thunder, and when she heard thunder, she became very nervous. She imagined that the lightning would split the tree in two, the fire spread to nearby houses, and the whole neighborhood had puppies barking in the basement.She seemed to hear the howling of a dog, and the more she thought about it, the more frightened she became.

They walked through the undergrowth, and although there were some trees here, there was still a lot of water on the ground.Although it was afternoon, except for the flashlight in Samuel's hand, the light was quite dim.Still, they knew it wasn't the middle of nowhere, or they wouldn't be stepping on empty cans and bottles.They stepped on the garbage and continued walking. After a while, they vaguely saw an old Victorian house through the dense bushes. The glass windows on the top of the house looked dilapidated. Samuel immediately turned off the flashlight. Do you want someone in there?Lindsay asked.

It was dark inside. Hmm, looks weird. They glanced at each other, both of them had the same idea, and finally Lindsay said first: Go in and have a look, at least the room is dry. In the pouring rain, they rushed hand in hand to the house.The ground became more and more muddy, and they not only had to run quickly, but also had to be careful not to slip and fall on the ground. As he ran near the house, Samuel gradually made out the sharp corners of the roof and the cross-shaped wooden decorations hanging from the gables.Most of the windows on the first floor were sealed with wood, but the door was not sealed. As the door opened and closed, it slammed against the wall inside.Samuel really wanted to stand outside and observe the eaves and friezes of the house, but he followed Lindsey and rushed into the house.They stood in the porch at the gate, looking tremblingly at the woods that surrounded the house.I quickly checked the inside of the old house. There were no scary monsters hiding in the corners, no homeless men robbing the house, just the two of them.

The farmland near my home has gradually disappeared, but these places retain the most childhood memories.This area was originally a large area of ​​farmland, but it was first converted into a residential area near my home. Later builders all took our community as a model, and it seemed that more and more houses of the same kind were being built.When I was a kid, I used to imagine what it would be like at the end of the road. Were there brightly colored houses, cement driveways, and oversized letterboxes in those places?If not, what is there?Samuel thought the same way. Wow!Lindsay: How old do you think this house is?

Lindsay's voice echoed in the house, as if they were standing in a church and speaking. Let's look around.Samuel said. The windows on the first floor were boarded up, and the windows were opaque. It was difficult for them to see what was in the house. Fortunately, Samuel had a flashlight. Leaning against a row of chairs. Look at this floor, Samuel said, pulling her down on her knees, do you see these carpenters?The family is clearly richer than their neighbors. Lindsay smiled, and Samuel had a passion for carpentry just as Hall had a passion for locomotives. He ran his fingers lightly across the floor, and motioned for Lindsey to follow suit. This old dilapidated house was so beautiful.He said.

Is this a Victorian house?Lindsey guessed as best she could. I'm not talking nonsense, Samuel said, but I think it's a Gothic Revival house.I noticed some crossed trusses at the gable rims, which suggested that the house was built after 1860 or so. look.Lindsay said. Someone set a fire in the middle of the floor a long time ago. Oh, that's too bad.Samuel said. Why don't they use a fireplace?Every room has a fireplace. The fire had burned a large hole in the ceiling, and Samuel looked up through the hole, busily examining the carpentry around the window frame to see if he could discern a pattern. Let's go upstairs and have a look.He said. I feel like we are in a cave, Linxi said while climbing the stairs: It is so quiet here, you can hardly hear the sound of rain outside. As Samuel went upstairs, he patted the wall and said: You can hide people in the wall. They suddenly fell silent, and the atmosphere became a little awkward.At times like this, they know it's best not to say anything and let it go for a while.I know at times like these, they all have the same question on their minds: Where am I?Do you remember me?Should I be mentioned?The answer is usually no.Although I am a little disappointed, I also know that I am no longer the center of attention. But here and now Lindsay missed me more than usual.Today is her graduation day, and occasions like birthdays and graduations always bring back memories, and I'm more vivid than usual in her mind.Now that she is staying in this quiet big house, her heart is full of longing for me.Even so, she still didn't say anything. She remembers feeling my presence so strongly when she broke into Mr. Harvey's house alone, and ever since then she has always felt that I was beside her, that I followed her like a shadow, that we acted in unison like twins. When they went upstairs, they saw a room, which was exactly the room they had just looked up. I want this house.Samuel said. What did you say? This house needs me, I feel it. Maybe we should wait a little longer, until the sun comes out, and then decide.she says. I have never seen such a beautiful house.He said. Samuel.Hankel, my sister said: When something breaks, you have to fix it. You still talk about me.He said. They stood still for a while, sniffing the damp air that came through the fireplace and floor.Although the sound of heavy rain hit her ears, Linxi felt that she had found a shelter.She hid safely in a corner of the world, accompanied by her most beloved person. She took his hand, and I followed them to a small room at the front of the second floor, an octagonal room that you can see as soon as you go upstairs.The oriel window, Samuel pointed to the window and said to Lindsay: Look at these windows, the shape of the windows is the same as this small room, we call such windows the oriel window. Do they turn you on?Lindsay smiled. I left them alone in the big dark house in the rain.I don't know if Lindsay noticed that when she and Samuel started to unzip each other's leather pants, there was no thunder and lightning outside.The lightning stopped, and the terrifying thunder, like the roar of God, also disappeared. Dad was sitting in the study, holding a snow globe in his hand. The glass was cold to the touch, which made him feel very comfortable.He shook the glass ball and watched the penguin inside disappear without a trace. After a while, the snowflakes fell slowly, and the penguin slowly appeared again. Hall rode his bike back to my house from the graduation ceremony in the rain. Dad should have felt relieved to see that Hall was safe and sound. If Hall survived the storm safely, Samuel should be fine.But Dad was even more disturbed. He was planning for the bad, and the more he thought about it, the more worried he became. Lindsey's graduation ceremony made him feel sad and happy, and Buckley sat next to him, dutifully telling him when to smile and when to clap.He usually knows how to react, but he's always been slower than average, sometimes sluggish, or at least he thinks so.His reaction was like an insurance document being processed at a company, waiting a while to see the results.Most people ran quickly when they saw a car or a rock rolling down from a high place, but Dad had to wait a while before he could react.He seemed to have been crushed severely by someone, causing his nerve perception to fail, and he was unable to react immediately. Buckley knocked on the half-open door of the study. Come in.Dad said. Don't worry, they will come back safely.The twelve-year-old brother is quite mature and considerate.Although he is not the one who buys and cooks the food, he manages the house by himself. Son, you look really good in a suit.Dad said. Thanks.The younger brother was very happy to hear that. He wanted his father to be proud of him. He spent a lot of energy getting dressed early in the morning, and even asked his grandmother to help him trim his bangs that were hanging down to his eyes.The younger brother is in the awkward teenage years, he is no longer a boy, but he is not an adult, he wears a baggy T-shirt and baggy jeans most of the time, but today he thinks he would be fine in a suit.Hall and Granny were waiting for us downstairs.He said. I'll be down in a while. Buckley closed the door all the way and fastened the latch tightly. I still have the box marked Temporary Reserve in my closet. In the fall of that year, my father sent the last roll of negatives in the box to be washed. Every time before dinner, I finally had some time to be alone, or watch TV or read newspapers. Any news that made him sad, he opened the drawer and carefully took out these photos. When I took these artistic photos before, my father always warned me not to waste the negatives, but I took his best side.He looked at one of the photos, and I got the angle so well that his face was clearly represented in the three-foot-square photo, shining like a diamond. My father once taught me how to frame and compose pictures. When I took these artistic photos, I probably listened to him.He sent the negatives to be developed, but he didn't know the order of the negatives, or what I took. Among the photos developed, there were a lot of pictures of Hallidi alone. I also took a lot of photos of the grass and my feet. The fuzzy gray shadow in the middle is actually a bird, and I also tried to photograph the sunset over the willow treetops, only showing up as black dots.For a while I decided to only take photos of my mother. One day my father brought back the roll of negatives from the photo studio. He sat in the car and looked at the stack of photos in his hand. He could hardly recognize the woman in the photo. After that, he took out these photos again and again, more times than he could count.The more he looked at the photos, the more he felt for the woman in the photos. It took a long time before he realized what kind of feelings it was.His feelings have always been dull, until recently he calmly faced the feelings in his heart, and he found himself falling in love with this woman again. He didn't know why two married couples who lived together day and night forgot what each other looked like.He didn't know what was wrong between him and my mother. If he had to explain, he could only say that they forgot what each other looked like.The last two photos in the negatives were the crux of the problem. I remember my dad had just come home from get off work, Halliday started yelling when he heard the car pull into the garage, and I was busy telling my mom to look at the camera. He came in right away, and I said: stand up straight, mom listens to do it, this is one of the reasons why I like photography, as soon as I pick up the camera, I can direct the people being photographed, even my parents have to listen to me . Out of the corner of my eye I saw Dad walking into the backyard, he was holding the lightweight briefcase that Lindsey and I used to examine curiously a long time ago but found nothing interesting.Dad put down the briefcase, and I took the opportunity to take the last solo photo of Mom.Mom looks thoughtful, seems to be trying to look okay, I click the shutter, and she is almost as usual in the photo.In the last photo, Dad leans in and kisses Mom on the cheek, with a hint of loss still in her eyes. Did I make you like this?Dad lined up mom's photos and muttered to them, how did you become like this? Lightning stopped.My sister said that by this time sweat had replaced the rain and wet her skin. i love you.Samuel said. I know. No, I mean I love you, I want you to marry me, and I want to live in this house with you! What did you say? The boring, meaningless college life is over!Samuel shouted, his voice filled the small room, and the solid walls could hardly stop the echoing voice in the room. I don't think college life is meaningless.my sister said. Samuel, who had been lying next to my sister, stood up, knelt down in front of her and said, Marry me. Samuel? I don't want to follow the rules anymore, marry me and I will make this house beautiful. Who will feed us? We can support ourselves, he said: We must figure out a way. She sat up and knelt on the ground with him. Both of them were disheveled, their body temperature gradually dropped, and they felt colder and colder. good. You agreed? I think I'm fine, my sister said: I mean, well, I promise to marry you. We used to hear clichés about how happy people are, and I didn't know what they meant until now.For example, I've never seen a headless cock, and I don't know why a cock that has been decapitated can still jump around happily, but at this moment, I happily jump around like a headless cock!I kept screaming in excitement, my sister!Samuel!ha!ha!ha!My dream has come true!Tears streamed down her cheeks as he took her in his arms and rocked her gently. Are you happy dear?he asked. She nodded against his bare chest and said, "Yes, I just froze, my dad." She looked up at Samuel and said, "I know he's worried." That's right.he answered.Her mood suddenly changed, and he tried to adjust accordingly. How many miles is it from here to my house? About ten miles or so, Samuel said: or eight miles. Can we walk?she says. You are crazy. Our sneakers are in the glove box on the other side of the bike. You can't run in leather pants, so they pull on underwear and T-shirts and run forward naked.They gallop around in public almost naked like no one in our family has ever been.Samuel has led Linxi forward like this all these years. There are almost no cars on the road. Occasionally, when a car passes by, the ponded water on the side of the road splashes a wall of water, which makes the two of them almost breathless.While both had run in the rain, it had never been raining like this.Their pace was steady at the beginning, and although their legs were covered with mud, they still ran and competed who could find the shade of the tree to shelter from the rain.After running for two or three miles, the two calmed down. According to the speed they had trained for many years, they picked up their strength and ran forward step by step. They listened to their own breathing and the sound of wet sneakers hitting the ground. Running, she no longer deliberately avoided the puddles on the ground.The water was splashing everywhere, and she suddenly thought of the swimming pool that she used to go to frequently. Our family used to be a member of the swimming pool.The swimming pool is on this road, but Linxi didn't raise her head to explore the familiar swimming pool. On the contrary, she lowered her head and recalled a past event.Once she and I frolicked underwater in one-piece swimsuits with little ruffled skirts and looked at each other with wide eyes, we were just learning how to open our eyes underwater, Lindsey was worse than me, our hair was in the water Fluttering, the little ruffled skirt fluttered with the water waves, the cheeks of both of them were swollen, and they desperately held their breath.After a while, we held hands and jumped up, and the two of us broke through the water together.After surfacing, our ears were ringing, we were gasping for air and laughing heartily. I watched my pretty sister run at a brisk pace, her breathing regular and her steps steady, clearly remembering the tricks she learned in her swimming lessons.She struggled to maintain visibility in the rain, raising and lowering her legs, trying to keep pace with the speed Samuel had set.I know that she will no longer run away from me, nor will she run towards me anymore, she is like a survivor of a gunshot wound, the wound deep in her internal organs will gradually heal, the wound I left on her heart eight years ago, now finally Only one scar remains. By the time the two were within a mile of their home, the rain had eased and neighbors were looking through their windows to see what was going on outside. Samuel slowed down, and Lindsey slowed down, their T-shirts clinging to each other like a second skin. Lindsey felt a little cramp, but it got better after a while.She followed Samuel and ran forward again, and suddenly, goose bumps appeared all over her body, and a big smile appeared on her face. We are getting married!She said that he stopped and pulled her into his arms suddenly, and they kissed passionately until a car passed by on the side of the road and the driver didn't stop honking at them. My doorbell rang loudly at four in the afternoon, and Hall was in the kitchen, in my mother's old apron, helping Granny cut a chocolate cake.He is restless and likes to help, and his grandmother also likes to order him to do things. The two just happen to be an excellent combination.Barkley, who was watching from the sidelines, liked to eat and was waiting to feast on the freshly baked cake. I will open the door.Dad said that it was raining non-stop, and he drank a few cocktails to lift his spirits. The wine was made by grandma, but the alcohol content was lower. He was quite energetic, but with a hint of fatigue, like a retired ballet actress. Although his demeanor was calm and elegant, it could be seen that the foot that had been jumping on the stage for many years was tired, and his body was slightly leaning to the other side . I'm so worried.He opened the door and said. Linxi folded her arms on her chest, and her father couldn't help smiling when he saw her embarrassed appearance. He was embarrassed to look down, so he quickly took out a few blankets from the cabinet next to the gate, and Samuel helped Linxi first. Covered with a blanket, Dad fumbled to throw the blanket over Samuel's shoulders, and a puddle of water pooled on the flagstone floor by the door.Lindsey had just draped the blanket when Buckley, Hall, and Granny walked up to the gate. Buckley, Grandma said: Go get some towels. Are you really riding back in the rain?Hall asked in disbelief. No, we ran back.Samuel said. What did you say? Let's sit in the living room, Dad said: "Let's start a fire." Lindsay and Samuel, wrapped in blankets and with their backs to the fire, were shivering at first, but then a little better. Granny and Buck brought small glasses of brandy on silver trays, and they drank and chatted, listening to Lindsay. Tell Samuel about the locomotive, the elegant old house in the woods, and the octagonal room that excited Samuel. How is the locomotive?Hall asked. We've pushed the car under the tree, Samuel said, but I think you'd better send a tow truck over there. I'm glad you're all right.Dad said. Mr. Shamon, we came back in the rain because of you. Grandma and younger brother sat at the other end of the living room, away from the fire.We don't want anyone to worry.Lindsay said. Well, it's actually Lindsay who doesn't want you to worry. There was a sudden silence in the living room. Of course Samuel was telling the truth, but he also pointed out a fact that everyone knew that our dad was so fragile. Lindsey and Buckley always cared about Dad's feelings. part of life. Grandma met Lindsey's gaze, winked at her, and said: Hall, Buckley, and I baked some brownies, and if you're hungry, there's some frozen lasagna in the freezer that I can defrost for you.After she finished speaking, she stood up, and the younger brother also got up to help. I want some chocolate cake, grandma.Samuel said. You call me grandma?Well, that sounds good, she said: Are you going to call him Papa Jack, too? maybe. After Barkley and his grandmother left, Hall sensed that the atmosphere was a little tense, so he also stood up and said: I think I'd better go and help.Lindsey, Samuel, and Dad listened to the noise from the kitchen and the ticking of the big clock in the corner of the living room that Mom used to say was primitive about our colonial clock. I know I worry too much.Dad said. Samuel didn't mean it that way.Lindsay said. Samuel was silent, and I watched him quietly. Mr. Shamon, he finally spoke, but he still didn't have the courage to call Dad, I proposed to Lindsay.He said tremblingly.Lindsey's heart was pounding almost to her chest, but it wasn't Samuel she was looking at, it was our dad. Buckley brings a plate of chocolate cake, Hall walks in with a bottle of 1978 Dom Perignon and several glasses, and Grandma prepares a bottle of champagne for your graduation.Hall said. Grandma came in last, with only a tall glass of wine in her hand. The light reflected on the glass, shining like a diamond. In Linxi's eyes, it seemed that there was only her and Dad in the living room, Dad, what do you think?she asked. I think he struggled to his feet and shook Samuel's hand, I couldn't find a better son-in-law than you. Grandma excitedly interfaced: Oh my god, baby, my sweetheart, congratulations!Congratulations! Even Barkley relaxed. He dropped his usual serious look and showed a rare smile.Only I can see the entanglement between my sister and my father. Others can't see the bond between father and daughter, but such a bond can hurt people. Papa and Lindsey joined the crowd, and everyone happily listened to Granny's continuous toast.Among the congratulations, only Buckley saw me standing by the big clock in the corner of the living room.He was sipping champagne, staring at me standing beside me. Thin white lines emanated from me, stretched in all directions, and danced slowly in the air.Someone handed him a piece of cake, and he held it in his hand, but didn't bite it.In a haze, he saw my face and body, my hair was still parted in the middle, my breasts were still undeveloped, and my hips were still flat.After a few seconds, I was gone without a trace. Over the years, when seeing my family upset, I often sat on the train that stopped at Penn Station.Passengers go up and down, crowds come and go, I listen to them talking, human voices are mixed with the sound of train doors opening and closing, the train conductor announces the name of the station loudly, leather shoes and high-heeled shoes step on the concrete platform, metal car steps, and then board the bunk In the carpeted carriage, the rapid footsteps made a dull sound on the soft carpet.When Linxi was running, she sometimes slowed down and took a break. She said that this was still considered exercise, and so did I. I sat in the car and observed the surroundings, but I was not as focused as usual.I listened to various sounds in the train station, felt the movement of the train, and sometimes heard the voices of other ghosts.These ghosts have left the world like me, and we all watched quietly from the sidelines. In heaven, almost everyone has concerns, and in the mortal world, there is always someone we can't let go of, who always attracts our attention.This person may be our loved ones, relatives, or friends, or even a stranger who lends a helping hand in a pinch, or a stranger who smiles at us.I often hear other ghosts speaking to their loved ones, but mortals cannot hear us.I think they are probably like me, no matter how hard they try.Parents' persuasive temptation to their children, men and women's whispers to their spouses, these are all unilateral efforts. Our side earnestly exhorts, but mortals will never respond. The train stops on the platform, or slowly stops along the station, my ears are full of names and exhortations: be careful of the glass, listen to your father, oh, she looks so big in this dress, mom, I After you, Esmeralda, Sally, Lupe, Keesa, Frank and many more names!As the train speeded up, these unheard voices and names grew louder; between the two stations, our longing cries reached a climax, so loud that I had to open my eyes . There was a sudden silence in the carriage. I glanced out through the window and saw a woman hanging or putting away her clothes.They stooped to remove laundry from laundry baskets and straightened white, yellow, or pink sheets along the clothesline. I counted the men's and boys' underwear, and I also saw the little cotton trousers worn by the little girl, and the clothes flapped in the wind. I missed this lively sound so much.In the sound of the breeze beating the clothes, the endless calls of the ghosts gradually died away. Ah, the sound of wet clothes!Crackling, squatting, heavy sheets on the double bed hanging wet on the laundry rope, and water dripping down the sheets, this sound always reminds me of my childhood.I used to lie under dripping clothes and stick out my tongue to catch the water, and Lindsey and I pretended the dripping clothes were traffic signs, either she was chasing me or I was chasing her, the two of us were in the fresh laundry Playing hide and seek among them.Mom always warned us not to get peanut butter on our hands on the sheets, and sometimes she would scold us when she found a lemon candy mark on Dad's shirt.The clothes outside the window are real, and so is the soapy smell of the clothes. At this moment, memories and imaginations come to my mind at the same time, and I can no longer tell the real from the fake. After leaving my living room that day, I got on the train and there was only one image in my mind: Straighten it.Dad said.I held the glass bottle containing the boat, and my father carefully burned the string that raised the mast, and the boat set sail on the blue sea.I waited for my dad to complete this important task, knowing that the world in the bottle was entirely mine at this critical juncture.