Chapter 20 Chapter Nineteen

When my mother went to work at the winery that morning, she saw that the worker on duty had left a note for her in poor English.Before my mother started working every day, she was always used to drinking coffee while looking at the rows of vineyards outside the window, but when she saw the word emergency (emergency) that morning, she didn't bother to drink coffee.She immediately opened the door of the wine tasting area. Before the lights could be turned on, she found the phone under the bar in the dark and dialed the number at home in Pennsylvania. The phone rang for a long time but no one answered.

After two or three tries, she called the operator in the Pennsylvania area and asked for Dr. Singer's home number. Yeah, Luana told her mom on the phone: Ray and I saw the ambulance pull up to your house a few hours ago and I think everyone is in the hospital by now. Who is wrong? I'm not sure, could it be your mother? But she learned from the note that it was her mother who was calling, which meant it must be her child, or Jack.She thanked Luana and hung up.She grabbed the heavy red phone and lifted it up from under the bar. Under the phone, there were a pile of papers of different colors for wine tasting customers. When she picked up the phone, these were marked: lemon yellow∥young Chardonnay white wine, strawberry red ∥ Sauvignon Blanc notes were all scattered on the ground, but she turned a blind eye.She has been in the habit of arriving early since she started working here, and now she thanks herself for making it a habit.After talking on the phone with Luana, she was desperately trying to figure out which hospitals were near her home. She remembered which hospitals she had taken us to when we suddenly had a fever or seemed to have broken a bone, and she hurried to call them. , and finally inquired at the hospital where I drove Buckley to that there was a man named Jack.Shamon's patient was taken to the emergency room, where he remains.

can you tell me what happened What is your relationship with Mr. Shamon? She uttered a few words she hadn't said for many years: I am his wife. He had a heart attack. She hung up the phone and sat slumped on the rubber floor. When the duty manager walked in, she was still sitting on the floor, repeating words such as Mr. and heart disease. After a while, when she looked up, she was already sitting in the truck of a worker on duty. This silent worker usually seldom leaves the winery, and now he drove her straight to San Francisco International Airport. She bought a plane ticket, boarded a flight with a connecting flight in Chicago, and flew all the way to Philadelphia.As the plane gradually ascended, the passengers and flight attendants were already surrounded by clouds and fog. Mom heard a ding in a trance. The captain reported to the passengers as usual or instructed the flight attendants what to do. The flight attendants pushed The car rattled through the narrow aisles, but Mom didn't see anything but the shady stone arcades of the winery, behind which stood empty oak barrels, where workers used to sit in the shade during the day, But in Mom's eyes, none of these workers existed, and only Dad was watching her in the arcade, holding a Wedgwood porcelain cup that was missing a handle.

After the plane landed in Chicago, she finally felt a little calmer.She had a two-hour layover in Chicago, bought a toothbrush and a pack of cigarettes, and called the hospital, this time asking her grandmother to come over and answer the call. Mom, she said, I'm in Chicago and I'll be home in a minute. Thank goodness, Abigail, grandma said: I called the winery again and they told you you had gone to the airport. How is he? He is looking for you. Are the children in the hospital? Yes, Samuel is there too.I was going to call you today to tell you that Samuel has proposed to Lindsey.

Very good.Mom said. Abigail? What's wrong?Mom could hear that grandma seemed to hesitate to speak, which was by no means her usual style. Jack is looking for Suzy. As soon as she stepped out of the Chicago airport, she lit a cigarette, and a group of students whizzed past her, each carrying a musical instrument and a simple travel bag. Next to the musical instrument case was a bright yellow name tag that said patriotism the home of the reader. Chicago is quite sweltering. There are crowds of people around the airport, and vehicles parked side by side emit exhaust fumes. The heavy air is even more suffocating.

She smoked the cigarette in her hand faster than ever before, and immediately lit another one. She pressed one hand tightly to her chest and held the cigarette in the other, extending her arm forward with each puff. .She was wearing work clothes, a pair of faded but clean jeans on the bottom, and a slightly whitish orange T-shirt with the Kuso Winery embroidered on the pocket on the upper body. The eyes are bluer.She let her hair down and tied it loosely in a ponytail just below the nape of her neck, and I could see a few gray strands behind her ears and around her temples. She wondered how could such a thing happen, all these years away from home, she felt that she was always in a race against time, and it was only a matter of time before she returned home.She knew that no matter how long she was away, her concern for her family would eventually pull her back.Now she faces the responsibilities of her marriage and her husband's heart attack, two forces that finally bring her back home.

Standing outside the terminal building, she reached into the back pocket of her jeans and took out a wallet. She hadn't carried a wallet since she went to work at the winery, and kept her money and ID in the wallet so that she You don't have to worry about whether the purse is safe under the bar, and it is more convenient to work.She casually threw the cigarette butt into the driveway of the taxi, turned around and sat down by the cement flower bed beside the road. There were some weeds in the flower bed, and a small tree stood pitifully in the smoky air. There are some photos in the wallet, and she takes them out to look at them every day, but only one of them is turned upside down and placed in the interlayer where the credit card is placed.There is the same photo in the safe in the evidence room of the police station. Before Ray left home for college, Luana put this photo in the Indian poetry book. , and published in the newspaper is also this photo.

Although eight years later, this photo is still omnipresent to my mother.Just like a big star's promotional poster, she sees it everywhere she goes, and my figure has been deeply imprinted in the photo.In the photo, I have redder cheeks and bluer eyes than myself. She pulled out the photo, turned it over, and gently covered it in her hands.She missed my teeth the most. She used to watch me grow up day by day and always thought my jagged white teeth were very interesting.On the day of the photo shoot, I promised my mother to smile for the camera, but when I saw the photographer, I became so shy that I could barely smile.

The loudspeaker outside the terminal building called the connecting passengers to board the plane. She turned to look at the small tree struggling in the smoke. Amid the urging sound of the loudspeaker, she placed my photo next to the thin trunk, and hurried away. Enter the automatic door. On the flight to Philadelphia, she sat in the middle of three seats, with no one on either side of her.She couldn't help thinking that if she was a conscientious mother, the child would definitely go out with her, and the seats on either side of her would be Lindsay and Buckley on the other, and the seats would never be empty.Although she is still the mother of two children in name, she is not their mother for a long time.She had been absent from their lives for more than six years, and as a result, she had long since lost the privilege of being a mother.She now understands that motherhood is a strong urge that many young girls dream of becoming a mother, but she has never had this strong urge.Maybe she was punished so badly because she never really wanted me.

I saw her sitting on the plane, with white clouds floating in the sky, and I sent my blessings along the white clouds, hoping that my mother would stop criticizing herself.When she thought about facing her family, she immediately felt very heavy, but besides the heavy, she felt a little relief.The flight attendant handed her a small blue pillow, and she even fell asleep for a while. As the plane finally landed in Philadelphia and taxied down the runway, she reminded herself again of what year it was and where she was.She was thinking about what to say after seeing the two children, her mother, and Jack in her mind, but her mind went blank for a long time, and finally she didn't think about it at all, just waiting to get off the plane.

Her children waited at the end of the long hallway, but she barely recognized them.Over the years, Linxi has grown into a tall woman. She is very thin, and she doesn't look like she was chubby when she was a child.Samuel, standing next to Lindsay, looks like her twin, only he's taller and fleshier.Mom looked at them both desperately, and they stared at Mom too, she didn't even see a fat little boy sitting next to the waiting room at first. Everyone stood in place for a few minutes, everyone seemed to be glued to the ground and could not move. Maybe everyone would only move after their mother left first.Mom was about to walk up to Lindsey and Samuel when she saw Buckley before she could even take a step. As she steps down the carpeted aisle, she hears the airport announcement, and other passengers hurry past her, greeting their waiting family members as they run, feeling more normal than she does.Looking at Buckley in the waiting room, she felt as if she had traveled through a time tunnel and returned to the past.She thought of the summer camp in 1944, when she was twelve years old, with a round face and thick thighs, she was often thankful that her two daughters looked different from when she was young, but her youngest son inherited these characteristics.She's been away for too long, and she's missed too much, time is gone forever, and there are some things she'll never be able to make up for. I counted my mother's steps, and if she had counted herself, she would have known she had taken thirty-seven steps; in thirty-seven short steps, she had overcome obstacles that she had not dared to face for the past nearly seven years. My sister spoke first. mom.she says. Mom looked at Linxi, and time moved forward thirty-eight years in an instant. She was no longer the lonely little girl at the summer camp. Lindsay.Mom said. Lindsey stared at her mother, and Buckley stood up too, but first he looked down at his shoes, then up at the tarmac, where several planes were parked, and passengers were passing through the aisles in an orderly manner. machine. How is your dad?Mom asked. Linxi was stunned as soon as she called her mother, the word sounded so strange, and it felt weird to call it. I don't think he's doing well.Samuel said that so far, no one has uttered such a complete sentence, and my mother secretly thanked Samuel in her heart. Buckley?Mom greets brother, she pretends to be okay, she's always his mother, isn't she? He turned to her and said, slightly hostilely: Everyone calls me Buck. Buck.She repeated softly, looking down at her hands. Lindsay wants to ask her mother: Where is the ring on your finger? should we go?Samuel asked. The four of them headed towards the central terminal. The aisles between the terminals were long and carpeted.They went to the luggage carousel, halfway to the carousel, mother suddenly said: I have no luggage. Everyone stopped suddenly, and the atmosphere was rather awkward, and Samuel looked around to see if he could find the sign to the parking lot. mom.Lindsey tried again to talk to her mother. I lied to you.Before Lindsey could say anything, Mom spoke first.Their eyes met, and the two exchanged unspoken secrets.In the fiery eyes, I swear I saw something. Although neither of them said it clearly, I felt that both Mom and Linxi knew about Ryan. This secret was just swallowed by a snake and has not yet digested Like a rat in their hearts, they were eager to move in their hearts. We'll take the escalator up first, Samuel said, and then we'll walk up the walkway to the parking lot. Samuel called Buckley loudly. Buckley was fascinated by the airport security personnel. The security personnel were wearing uniforms. My younger brother was always very interested in military and police personnel in uniform. They drove on the highway. In the silence, Linxi spoke first: The hospital said that Buckley was still young, so he was not allowed to see his father.Mom turned around in her seat and said: I will find a way to discuss with them.She looked at Buckley as she spoke, and tried to smile at him. fuck you.The little brother didn't lift his head, and cursed in a low voice. The mother was stunned, but the younger brother finally opened his mouth, and this kind of words came out of his mouth.His heart was full of hatred, and his anger surged like a wave. Buck, mamma just in time to remember that everyone calls me brother now, will you look at me? He stared angrily at the front seat, staring at her with rage. Mom had no choice but to turn around and look ahead. After a while, there was a low sobbing sound from the front seat. Although the mother tried her best to suppress it, Samuel, Linxi and the younger brother could still hear it clearly.Mom cried silently, but no amount of tears could soften Barkley.Day after day, year after year, he buried his hatred deeply in his heart. That innocent four-year-old boy still exists, but his hatred has surrounded him layer by layer, and his childish heart has also melted away. With a heart of stone. After seeing Mr. Shamon, everyone will feel better.When he was done, Samuel said, even he couldn't stand the atmosphere in the car, so he reached over and turned on the radio. She had been to this hospital late at night eight years ago.Although she is now on a different floor and painted in different colors around her, she still remembers what she did when she walked along the corridor of the hospital.Memories flooded her like a tide, Ryan's body was pressed against her body, and her back was leaning against the cold concrete wall. Thinking of this, every cell in her body wanted to escape far away.She really wants to fly back to California, where she can regain her peaceful life and work silently among a group of strangers, with green trees and tropical flowers forming the best barrier, among many foreign tourists and exotic flowers and plants, She found a safe shelter. She saw the high heels on grandma's feet from a distance, and she was brought back to reality at once.She has traveled so far over the years that she has almost forgotten some of the simplest things, such as the high heels that grandma often wears.At the age of seventy, she still wears ridiculously high shoes. It looks ridiculous, but it actually shows her grandmother's sense of humor. This is the grandmother in my mother's memory. Once in the ward, Mom immediately forgot about Buckley, Lindsay, and Grandma. Although my father was weak, he still struggled to open his eyes when he heard the sound of his mother walking in.His wrists and shoulders were full of tubes, and his head rested on a small square pillow, looking very vulnerable. She held his hand and sobbed silently; she no longer suppressed herself, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. Hi, my sea-eyed girl.He said. She nodded, silently looking at her weather-beaten, pale and frail husband. My little girl.He appeared to be breathing rather rapidly. Jack. You see, I have to become this virtue before you can go home. Is it worth it for you?Mom forced a smile and said. I will know later.He said. Seeing the two of them together, my little wish finally seemed to come true. Mom's blue eyes shone brightly, and Dad seemed to see a glimmer of hope in them, and all he wanted to do was hold on to them.He and his mother used to be fateful people who sailed together on the same boat. When a huge wave sank the boat, they also divided their things.Among the remaining fragments, he only remembered her blue eyes.Now she appeared in front of him again, and he desperately wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, but his frail arm didn't listen, and she leaned forward, leaning her cheek against his palm. Although grandma is wearing high heels, she still walks quietly.She tiptoed out of the ward, and only resumed her usual walking posture after she came out.She walked towards the visitor area with her head held high, and a nurse stopped her halfway. The nurse said that a gentleman had left a note for Jack in Ward 582.Shamon, the note reads: Ryan.Fenemont, come back later, I wish you a speedy recovery.Although grandma had never met Ryan, she had already heard his name. Grandma read the note and folded it carefully. Lindsey and Buckley had gone to the visitor area to find Samuel. Grandma opened the purse and put the note Tuck it in between the compact and the comb before meeting them in the visitor's area.