Chapter 9 chapter eight

God, the first week of undercover felt so good, like the world's largest bright red apple, now looking back, I still want to bite it.The investigation was in full swing, Sam was persistent in chasing down all kinds of gangsters and scum, Frank tried his best to explain the case to the FBI, lest the other party think we were crazy, but I didn't have to do anything, just concentrate on playing Lacey.Cheerful, languid and daring all over you, right down to your toes, it feels like dissecting a frog in class today and you skip class and leave school with the perfect spring day out there.

On Tuesday, I go back to college for classes.While the chances of screwing up have increased dramatically, I'm still looking forward to it.I fell in love with Trinity College the first time I stepped foot in it.The gray stone, red brick and cobblestone of the campus are still elegant after hundreds of years. Standing in the school gate square, you can still feel that generations of students have passed by your side, and you are also leaving traces in the air, recording and archiving.If someone hadn't tried to kick me out of the academy, I might have been a student here for the rest of my life like Xiaorui and the others.However, I became a policeman, perhaps because of that person.I like to think of this case as an opportunity to take me full circle and get back to where I belong.As odd as it is, it feels like a belated victory, saving something from an absurd fate.

I think you should know, Abby said to me in the car: rumors are flying all over the school.Some people say that the crack deal went wrong; some people say that you are an illegal immigrant, marrying for money, and constantly blackmailing each other;You can figure it out. Also, I think Daniel snapped over a two-lane Ford SUV and said: We can't hide from any of us, say one or some of us did it, and all sorts of motives.No one spoke to us directly, but of course they would think so, and the car pulled into the Trinity College car park and he produced his student ID for the guard to check.What would you say if someone asked you?

I haven't decided yet, I said: I'm debating whether to say I'm a missing royal, hunted down by men from another line, but I don't know which royal to choose.Do you think I'm a descendant of Tsar Romanov? Needless to say, Xiao Rui said: The Romanovs are all chinless freaks, so they are definitely the right choice. You better be nice to me, or I'll tell everyone you're crazy on drugs and slashing at me with a meat cleaver. It's not fun at all.Justin said.He wasn't driving and I got the feeling they didn't want to separate, at least for a while.He sat in the back seat with me and Xiaorui. He reached out to pick off the stain on the car window, and then wiped his fingers with a handkerchief.

Well, Abby said: Last week wasn't fun, yes, but now that you're back she turns and grins at me.Big tits Greeley asked me, you should know how scary her whispers are, right?She asked me if the accident was because I overplayed it?I ignored her at the time, knowing that I should let her have a good time. What I admire most about her, Daniel opened the car door and said: She always believed that we were interested, but unfortunately she was totally wrong. After getting out of the car, I really understood what Frank said, how they treat others.The five of us were walking down the long walkway between the playing fields, and things began to change, as subtle and clear as water freezing.They approached each other, walking side by side, with their heads held high, the expression disappearing from their faces.We walked to the Faculty of Humanities, and they were already wearing masks, strong as shields, shining like diamonds, impenetrable, cold and ruthless.

That week on campus, as long as someone turned to look at me, such as peeking at our booth from the library bookshelf, or someone looked around through the newspaper while queuing up to buy tea, the protective shield would immediately rise, like an ancient Roman shield. For a while, four pairs of indifferent eyes stared at the intruders until they retreated.Under such circumstances, it is almost impossible to collect rumors on campus, and even the big tit girl Greeley is willing to bow down.She leaned against my desk, hesitated to speak, and finally asked me if I could lend her a pen. Lacey's paper was much more interesting than I thought it would be.The information that Frank gave me is mainly related to the Bronte sisters. The eldest sister Charlotte, whose alias is Kuribel, has transformed from a cautious woman into a crazy woman in the attic, fully utilizing the pseudonym.Not particularly pleasant to read, but at least not surprising.

However, the themes that Lacey studied before her death were much more trendy: Corey, who is famous for the novel "Cold Girl", is actually a librarian in Ohio, USA. All classics.As I read, I find myself liking the way Lacy sees things. I've been worried that Lacey's advisor is going to ask me for a report or something.Lacie was no fool, and she was doing smart, creative, well-conceived research that I had been out of touch with for years.To be honest, I was most worried about her advisor because the seminar students couldn't tell the difference. To eighteen-year-olds, people over twenty-five were just background noises in their lives, but when the advisor and Lacey were talking alone, it was a different story.However, I was relieved after meeting with the professor once.He was scrawny, gentle, and ignorant. He was so overwhelmed by Lacey's unfortunate accident that he didn't dare to look me in the eye. He just told me to rest and not worry about the reporting deadline.I figured I could sit in the library for weeks, studying stories about troublesome private eyes and women.

As for the night, there is a room to be busy.We do some work every day, maybe an hour or two, maybe 20 minutes, sanding the stairs, tidying Simon Berg's collection boxes or taking turns stepping on the bar stools to replace the old and fragile lighting.Even something as disgusting as scrubbing the toilets of dirt would take us the same amount of time and take us just as seriously. The four of them treat the house like a precious musical instrument, like a Stradivadi violin or a Bösendorfer piano, an underground treasure that has been dusty for a long time, which fascinates them deeply, loves it thoroughly and wants to restore it patiently.I think Daniel's most relaxed moment is when he's wearing ripped trousers and a checkered shirt, lying on the kitchen floor painting skirting boards, laughing and listening to Rui's story, while Abby leans over with a brush and dips the paint, and the ponytail gets the paint on on the face.

They love touching each other, all four.We never touch each other at school, but we touch each other all the time at home.Daniel walks behind Abby's chair and touches her head; Ray puts his arm around Justin's shoulders as we examine what we found in the empty room; Abby sits in the rocking chair between Justin and I's legs; Xiao Rui was sitting by the fire reading, and the two of them touched their ankles.It is conceivable that Frank scoffed at homosexuality and lustful behavior, but I observed Xiao Rui's behavior closely (because of the baby in Lacey's belly), but I could not see the slightest element of sexual desire.Their interactions are weirder and more powerful than flirting.

Unlike most people, they have absolutely no boundaries between each other.When several people live in the same place, it is inevitable that they will fight for land, fight over the remote control, discuss whether everyone can eat their own bread or share it with everyone, etc. Rob used to be nagged by her roommate for three days whenever he used cream.But the four of them, as far as I know, share everything except underwear (thank goodness!).Guys wear anything they want from the drying rack, as long as it fits, and I've never been able to figure out which top was Lacey's and which Abby's.They tore out papers from each other's notebooks when they wanted them, took toast from the plate next to them, and drank from any cup at hand.

I didn't mention it to Frank because he'd just shift the focus of his sarcasm from lust to communism, but I liked the indifference.They gave me a kind of familiar warmth and reality, which is indescribable.Uncle Simon kept a green waterproof coat in the coat cabinet, which he would wear when he went out in the rain.The feeling of walking in my coat for the first time was very strange. I was intoxicated and excited, as if holding hands with a boy for the first time. I didn't understand what it was like until Tuesday.Summer was approaching, the days were getting longer, and the evening was warm and sunny, comfortable and peaceful, and we drank a bottle of wine and ate a plate of sponge cake on the grass after dinner.I made a bracelet out of daisies and am trying to put it on.I have given up the rule of not drinking alcohol, because doing so is not in line with Lacey's personality, and it will remind Xiao Rui and the others of my stabbing, making the atmosphere tense, and taking medicine and drinking can also reserve a way for me to retreat. Get out immediately.I drank some wine and felt a little tipsy and a little gleeful. I want cake too.Xiao Rui pushed me with his foot and said. I'm busy, you go get it yourself.I couldn't wear the bracelet with one hand, so I decided to wear it on Justin instead. You're really lazy, you know that? You still have the right to say me?I put my foot around the back of my head (I used to practice gymnastics when I was young, so my body is very soft), and I hooked my neck on my knees and stuck out my tongue at Xiaorui.I'm healthy and alive, you see. Xiao Rui raised his eyebrows lazily and said: You make me so excited. You are so perverted.I hooked my head with one foot and said with as much dignity as possible. Come on, Abby said: your wounds will open, we're all drunk, there's no way we're going to take you to the emergency room.I completely forgot about the wound and wondered if I should be nervous, but decided to leave it alone.The sun was setting, I stepped on the ground with bare feet, let the grass scratch me, and with the power of alcohol, I just felt dizzy and stupid.I haven't felt like this in a long time, and I love it.I tried to turn my head and squint at Abby and said: No problem, the wound is almost pain free. That's because you were sober before, Daniel said: Be careful. I usually hate preaching, but it was warm and comforting to hear Daniel read me.yes dad.As I said that, I put my foot off my head, and as a result, I lost my balance and fell into Justin's arms. Oh, go away, Justin slapped me lightly and said: God, how much do you weigh?I swayed left and right to find a comfortable position, and lay comfortably between his legs, squinting at the sunset, and Justin scratched my nose with a grass stalk. I looked relaxed, or so I hoped, but inside I was racing.That sentence is, Dad made me suddenly understand what this situation and scene evoke in my mind, that is home.Maybe not a real home, I have no way of knowing, but at least it is the home of millions of children's books and old TV series, the home where no one grows old after many years, makes you wonder if the actor has a home with youth hormones , a home that makes people feel comfortable.These five have it all: Daniel is the unapproachable loving father, Justin and Abby take turns as loving mother and wonderful boss, Rui is the rebellious teen, and lastly Lacey is the volatile young girl , much loved and ridiculed. They probably know as little about real family as I do, and I should have sensed that commonality in the first place.Daniel is orphaned, Abby is adopted, Justin and Ray run away from home, and enigmatic Lacey is apparently at odds with her parents.It's because I'm the same, so I didn't notice it.Consciously or unconsciously, they pick up all the fragments, piece together their own home, construct a substitute, and put themselves in it. Xiao Rui was only eighteen years old when the four of them met.I squint to watch them, and I see Daniel holding a wine bottle up to the light to check for wine, and Abby chasing the ants out of the cake pan.I couldn't help but wonder, what would they be like now if they hadn't met each other? Thoughts kept popping up in my mind, but they were hurried and vague. I thought it was because I was too comfortable to concentrate.Things can be thought about hours later, when I go out for a walk.I also want.I raised my glass and said to Daniel. Did you drink too much?Later I called Frank and he asked me: You sounded drunk just now. Don't be nervous, old Fa, I said: I just had two drinks for dinner, I can't be drunk. preferably.You may be celebrating the holidays, but I want you to be more vigilant and not really play it too far. I wandered casually along pothole trails, uphill from abandoned huts.I thought a lot about how Lacey died in the cabin.We had always assumed that she was fleeing from pursuit, but the nearest hiding-place had to be taken, as the killers blocked her way or she was unable to flee back to Hawthorn House or Glensky Village, either because the killers blocked her way or because of her rapid unconsciousness. But N changed my mind.Assuming N was for someone rather than the name of a bar, radio show, or poker game, Lacey and he must have arranged to meet somewhere.The diary did not indicate the location, indicating that they have always met in the same place.If the date is at night, not during the day, a cabin is the obvious choice.Concealment, convenience, shelter from wind and rain, no one will sneak close.Maybe Lacey's destination was originally the hut, but she encountered an attack on the way, but she still continued to move forward, as if she had installed an automatic navigation device, ignoring N's rash attack, or she hoped that N in the hut could help her. It wasn't a good lead by detective standards, but I could only think of so much, so my walk mostly circled around the hut, hoping that N would show up and resolve my doubts. I found a suitable trail with a good view that allowed me to talk to Frank or Sam while keeping an eye on the cabin, but with woods to hide my tracks and far enough away that it was impossible for a farmer to hear me talking on the phone , picked up the trusty shotgun and hunted me down.I was alert and I said: And there is one thing I want to ask you.Review for me, Daniel's uncle died in September? I heard Frank rummaging around, flipping through papers.Either he took the files home, or he was still working.February 3rd.Daniel got the keys to the house on September 10th, and probate will take a while.What's wrong? Can you help me find out how his uncle died, and where were the five of them that day?Also, why is probate taking so long?My grandma passed away and left me £1,000, which I got in six weeks. Frank groaned.Do you think they killed Uncle Simon for the house?In the end, Lacey regretted it?I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, not knowing how to explain it.No, it should be said not at all.But their attitude towards the house is very strange. Frank, all four of them, always talk about the house as their own, and it's not just Daniel.We should have double glazing, we have to decide what to do with the herb garden, we and they treat it like a life's work, like they're going to live here forever, there's time to take it easy. Hey, they are too young, said Frankish with tolerance: the kid at that age always thinks that college classmates and shared flats are forever, and in just a few years, they will all move to semi-detached houses in the suburbs, crowded in on Sunday afternoons Buy books for roof waterproofing at furniture and garden stores. They're not that young, and you hear them talk, they're so absorbed in that room and each other that everything else doesn't exist.I don't think they killed Bo Gong, but I'm just asking, because we always feel that they are hiding something, and any weirdness is worth investigating. Yes, Frank said: I'll look into it.Do you want to hear what I did all day? There was a hint of excitement in his tone.There are not many things in the world that can cheer Frank up, so let go of your farts!I said. The excitement turned into a grin, and I could hear it over the phone.The FBI found the girl's fingerprints. Depend on!So fast?While the FBI can be very helpful, there is always a backlog. I have friends who work as junior employees in it. Well, I said: Who is the girl?My knees couldn't help shaking, so I had to lean my back against the tree trunk. Melluth, born in North Carolina in 1975, was reported missing in October 2000. She is wanted for car theft, and her fingerprints and photos match. I gasped.Casey?Frank said after a while, I heard him light a cigarette.are you still there Well, you say her name is Melus, and just saying her name makes my back shudder, what do we know about this girl? Not many, there are only records after 1997.She moved to Raleigh from nowhere, rented a junk apartment in a shabby neighborhood, got a job as a waitress at an all-night restaurant.She must have done some schooling to be able to go directly to Trinity College as a graduate student, but I think it was mainly self-study and parental teaching.She had no college or high school registration, no criminal record, and Frank puffed on his cigarette before going on: On the evening of October 10, 2000, she borrowed her fiancé's car to go to work and disappeared.Two days later, the fiancé reported the crime, but the police thought the girl had just run away, so they didn't take it very seriously.They pestered their fiancé for several days, wondering if he had murdered and abandoned his body, but he had ample alibi.By December, the car was recovered in New York, in a long-term parking lot at JFK Airport. Frank was obviously very proud.Well done, Frank, I automatically said: beautiful. should.Frank said, his tone deliberately modest. So, the girl is only one year younger than me.I was playing with rocks in the rain in my yard in Wicklaw, Ireland, and she was running free in a hot town in the United States, stepping on carbonated springs barefoot, sitting on the back of a minivan and bumping along a dirt road until she got into the car Drive forward and never look back. Casey? how? My friend will keep digging down to see if she has made any enemies, if someone has chased her all the way here. Sounds good, I said, trying to clear my head.Exactly what I wanted to know.What's the name of the girl's fiancé? Brad, Chad, or Charter, anyway, it was the sound of American names flipping through files. My friend made a few phone calls. The guy hadn't had a vacation for months, and he couldn't have traveled thousands of miles across the ocean to hunt down his ex-girlfriend.His name is Chad.Mitchell, why are you asking? No N.Just curious. Frank waited for me to speak, but I knew what he was up to.Well, in the end he said: I will inform you about the follow-up development, the girl's identity may be completely useless, but it's better than not knowing anything, at least I won't keep thinking about it, right? Yes, I said: Of course. Frank was wrong.After talking about the mobile phone, I stood against the tree trunk for a long time, staring at the broken outline of the hut as the clouds covered the moonlight and gradually became blurred and clear again, imagining Melus in my mind.The girl has a name, a hometown and a past, but it makes me feel one thing: the girl really exists, not a phantom in the hearts of me and Frank, she has lived before, and we may have met thirty years ago. I suddenly felt like I should have known.Although across the sea, I should have sensed her, looking up when I was playing with rocks, reading a book or writing a case report, as if I heard someone calling my name.She came so far, so close to take the name I used, like a younger sister taking a sister's coat.She has a compass in her head, and she is only a short distance away from success.She was only a few MRT stops away from me, I should have known.I should have known just in time to take that last step and meet her. Life was beautiful and sunny that week, except for the haze from outside.Friday evening, we were playing cards. They often played late into the night, mainly Texas Hold'em and 110, and if only two people wanted to play, they would switch to pickle.They found a large pot full of old tenpence pieces in the attic, and they used them as chips, but they played very seriously. Everyone gets the same number of coins, and if they lose all of them, they are out, and they cannot borrow from the jar.Lacey was as good a player as I was, and although she occasionally played out of the ordinary, she clearly knew how to play by surprise, especially when it came to big hands.The winner gets to decide the next day's dinner. That night, we played a Louis Armstrong record, and Daniel bought a big bag of Doritos and picked out three dips to make sure everyone was satisfied.We fiddle with bowls with missing corners, distracting others with food.This trick works best with Justin, who is completely distracted if he thinks you're about to smear salsa on the mahogany table. I've just dealt with Xiaorui, and I'm proud that Xiaorui will mess with dipping sauce whenever he has a bad card, and if he has a good card, he grabs cornflakes and stuffs them into his mouth.This tells us one thing, don't play cards with the police detective Xiaorui's cell phone rang suddenly.He leaned back in his chair and reached for the phone from the bookshelf. Hello?As he said that, he compared his middle finger to me.But he soon sat upright and came back, his face changed drastically, his face was frosty, arrogant and incomprehensible, just like the mask he wore in front of the school and outsiders.dad!He said. Everyone immediately moved over and surrounded Xiao Rui, and you could feel the solemn atmosphere in the air.I was standing next to Xiaorui, and I could hear the growling from the microphone clearly: Has Job changed his mind by stepping on the ladder? Xiao Rui twisted her nose, as if smelling a rancid smell.Not interested in.He said. The other party began to talk at length, and Xiao Rui couldn't help closing his eyes.Cobbled it together from what I've heard, to the effect that drama is sissy reading stuff, a guy named Bradbury, his son just made his first million, and Ray is wasting the planet's oxygen .Xiao Rui held the phone between his thumb and forefinger, keeping it away from his ears. God, hang up soon, Justin said in a low voice, his expression subconsciously becoming painful and hideous.Hang up his phone. No way, Daniel said softly: He should obviously hang up, but someday. Abby shrugged and said, so she started shuffling and dealing the cards neatly, and dealt them to five people.Daniel smiled at her and sat up in his chair, ready to continue. The other end of the phone was still chattering, no matter what was said, only the word bullshit kept appearing.Xiao Rui shrunk his chin, as if against a hurricane, and Justin touched his arm, Xiao Rui suddenly opened his eyes and looked at us, his face flushed. The four of us have placed our chips.I had a bad hand, a seven and a nine, not even of the same suit, but I knew exactly what the others were thinking.They're pulling little Rui back.When I thought that I was also a part of it, I couldn't help becoming intoxicated, almost heartbroken with joy.I suddenly had O'Kelly yelling and Rob's foot hooking my ankle under the desk.I waved the cards in my hand to Xiaorui, opened my mouth and said without making a sound: Bet. Xiao Rui blinked, I raised my eyebrows, gave him a very naughty Lacey smile, and whispered: Unless you are afraid of being killed by me again. The frost on Xiao Rui's face melted immediately, although only a little.He looked at his cards, carefully put the phone on the shelf, and threw ten pence on the table.Because I am very happy here!He said into the phone, his tone sounded normal, but his face was still flushed with anger. Abby smiled lightly at Xiao Rui, quickly dealt three cards, and then opened them.When Lacey drew a straight, Justin squinted and said to me: You can tell by the look on her face. The guy on the other end of the phone obviously spent a lot of money on Xiao Rui, and he didn't want the money to be flushed down the toilet.No wonder, Daniel said: Her card may be good, but it is definitely not a straight, I called. I can't even touch the edge of a straight, but that doesn't matter.We won't give up unless Xiaorui hangs up.On the other end of the phone started talking about real work.You mean sitting in an office?Xiao Rui said to us that my stiff back began to relax. It is possible that one day I will be enlightened, correct my evil ways, work with my head instead of hard, and maybe I can earn an office with windows.Or should I aim higher?He said to the phone: What do you think?He made a mime look at Justin like you want one and I'll give you two. The other party obviously knew that he had been humiliated, but he didn't know why.He began to emphasize that people must be ambitious, saying that Xiao Rui should grow up by now, and should find a way to live in reality. Ah, Daniel, who was originally looking down at the cards, raised his eyes and said: Reality, I have always been fascinated by this word.Have you found out that this word is only used by a certain group of people?To me, it is not at all self-evident that all people live in reality.We all breathe real oxygen, eat real food, and feel the same solid ground under our feet.But this group of people clearly have a very limited definition of reality, which I find mysterious, and a strong desire for others to conform to the same definition, almost pathological. They were just jealous, Justin looked at the cards in his hand, threw two more coins on the table and said: If you can't eat grapes, say grapes are sour. No one, Xiao Rui said to the phone, waving us to keep our voices down.It's TV, and I spend my days watching soap operas, eating candy, and plotting to destroy the world. The last card I got was a nine, at least a pair.Well, some cases are indeed due to jealousy, Daniel said: But Xiaorui's father, if half of what he just said is true, then he can live as he wants, and he can even live the life we ​​want.So why should he be jealous?no need.I think this mentality comes from Puritan morality, emphasizing strict social class, self-loathing, and fear of all things pleasure, art, and disorder. realistic standards.Can you switch the phone to speakerphone mode, Rui?I'd love to hear what he has to say. Xiao Rui stared at him with wide eyes in disbelief, then shook her head and refused.Daniel looked a little surprised, and we started giggling. No problem, said Daniel politely: since you don't want anything funny, Lacey? A group of lunatics, Xiaorui growled to the sky, opened his arms and compared the phone, Daniel and us, and we all stretched out our hands to cover our mouths.I'm surrounded by lunatics, what the hell have I done?Did he bully the mentally ill in his previous life? The person on the other end of the phone was obviously making a brilliant summary, reminding Xiao Rui that life can be lived in style.Drinking champagne in the city, Xiao Rui translated for us and went to her secretary. Is there anything wrong with living like this?The other party roared, the voice was so loud that Daniel jumped, his body flinched, and a surprised and disgusted expression appeared on his face.Justin gave a snort, which felt like a growl and a bark, and Abby leaned back in her chair with her knuckles in her mouth, and I couldn't help laughing and had to hide my head under the table. The guy on the other end of the phone obviously lacked a basic understanding of the human body, calling us a bunch of hippies who had lost their second.I managed to stop laughing, poked my head out to catch my breath, and Xiao Rui had found a pair of Jacks, digging the sauce in the bowl with one hand, and grinning at me with fists and arms with the other.I suddenly realized something: Just now Xiaorui's cell phone rang, only two steps away from my ear, and I didn't even shrink back. do you know?After we played a few more hands, Abby suddenly said: The problem is contentment. Who are you talking to now?Xiao Rui squinted and watched Daniel play the cards, and asked.He has turned off his mobile phone. It was the reality just mentioned, Abby leaned sideways and pulled the ashtray closer in front of me, Justin changed to Debussy's music, blending with the sound of drizzle on the grass.Our society is based entirely on dissatisfaction, people are constantly wanting more and more, are dissatisfied with their home, body, decor and clothes, feel that nothing is enough.They feel that dissatisfaction is the essence of life and take it for granted.If you are satisfied with what you have, especially if you have something that is not unusual at all, you are a dangerous person, you are breaking all the rules, shaking the sacred economic system, and challenging the basic values ​​​​of society.That's why every time Xiao Rui said that he likes how he is now, his father would be furious.In his eyes, we are all subversives, all traitors. I think you hit a point, Daniel said: So the problem is not jealousy, but fear.What is so special about modern society is that dissatisfaction has always been seen as a threat to society, a violation of the laws of nature, which must be eradicated at all costs, even up to a hundred or fifty years ago.Now it's the other way around, and it's a problem with satisfaction, which feels weird. We're revolutionaries, Justine says cheerfully, feeling nothing like revolutionaries as he swirls the nachos in the salsa.I never thought it would be so easy to be a revolutionary. We are underground guerrillas.I had a great time talking. You are a subterranean chimpanzee!Xiao Rui threw three coins on the table and said. Yes, just a contented subterranean chimpanzee, Daniel said to me with a smile: Right? As long as Ray stops digging into the garlic dip, I'm the most contented subterranean chimpanzee in all of Ireland. Good, Daniel nodded slightly at me.Exactly what I thought. Sam never asked.We contacted late at night, and he always said: how is it?As long as I answer: very good.He started talking about other things.At first he would mention the progress of the investigation, including carefully reviewing the cases I had handled, filtering the suspicious list provided by the local police, and investigating Lacey's students and professors. But as the case dragged on, Sam and I talked less and less about work and instead chatted about trivial matters.He came over to my place once or twice to air the apartment so that no one would know I wasn't home.He told me that the female cat next door gave birth to a litter of kittens in the yard, and the fierce wife Moroni downstairs left a note outside his car, warning him that the parking space is only for residents.I didn't tell Sam, but these things sounded so far away, as if they came from a hazy world thousands of miles and tens of thousands of years away. who. He only asked Xiaorui about them once.On Saturday night, I followed my usual trail and cut into the hawthorn grove, keeping an eye on the deserted cottage.I borrowed one of Watkins West's stockings and wrapped it around the microphone. It felt like I had an extra breast, but it also meant that Frank and his men could only hear a tenth of the conversation. It's not bad, I was talking in a low voice because I felt like I was being followed as soon as I stepped out of the backyard gate.The feeling is not certain, it may be the sound of the wind, the shadow of the moon, and the usual noises of the countryside. I just have a slight electric current rushing through the junction of the skull and the spine at the back of my neck. Only being stared at will make me like this.I tried my best to restrain myself, so I didn't suddenly turn around to find out.But if someone is really following me, I don't want him to notice that I've been out, at least not until I figure out a countermeasure. Don't you all go to the bar?Sam asked. I don't know what he wants to ask.Sam knows my schedule very well. According to Frank, he comes into the office at six o'clock every morning to listen to tapes.I was uneasy for no reason, but reminding him of it made me even more uneasy.I finished my seminar on Tuesday and went to the wine cellar with Rui and Justin, and I said: Remember? I mean the pub near the forest house, it's called the Ragan's Tavern, it's in the village.They never go there? When we drove to and from school, we would pass Regan's Tavern, a typical country pub, small and dilapidated, sandwiched between a butcher's shop and a newsstand, and there were always a few unlocked bicycles leaning against the wall in the evening.They never mentioned going there at all. If you just want to have a drink, it is easier to drink at home. I said: you have to walk to the village, and only Justin does not smoke.The pub has always been the focus of Irish life, but since the smoking ban, many people have switched to drinking at home.I don't think it's okay to ban smoking, although I don't quite understand it. You can't do things that are harmful to your body and mind in bars, so why go there?But what really bothered me was that everyone obeyed obediently.For the Irish, rules are always to be challenged. It is said that there are policies at the top and countermeasures at the bottom.But this time when smoking is banned, everyone is as docile as sheep, which makes me worry whether the Irish are starting to change their gender and become Swiss. Sam smiled, and he said: You have been in the big city for too long, I can assure you that there is absolutely no ban on smoking in the Regan Tavern, and it is less than a kilometer and a half from the path.Don't you think it's weird that they never went there? I shrugged and said: They are weird and don't like to interact with people very much, I think you should know.Besides, Regan's Tavern might suck. Maybe, said Sam, but not quite sure.Whenever it's your turn to do the shopping, you go to Deng's Superstore in Stephens Park Centre, right?Where did the others go? How do I know?Justin went to Marks & Spencer yesterday, I have no idea about the others.Frank says Lacy does her shopping at Dun's, so that's where I go. What about the newsstand in the village?Has anyone been there? I thought about it.Xiao Rui went out to buy cigarettes one night, but he walked from the backyard to the night gas station on Rathowen Road, not to Grunsky.I haven't been here for a few days. What are you thinking? I was just thinking, Sam said slowly, of the village.You guys live in big houses, you know, the Daniel family are big house people, and now almost no one cares who lives in big houses, but sometimes, if something happened in the past, I just wonder if there is a bad impression in the village. According to the memory of the older generation, the British governed Ireland with a feudal system. They gave the village to the Anglo-Irish as a gift and let them dispose of the land and residents at will. It is not difficult to imagine the consequences.After Ireland became independent, the feudal system disintegrated. A few declining families were still gritting their teeth, but most of them only guarded a large house and sold other assets to the public to pay the mountainous bills.Despite this, the consortium still bought many large houses and converted them into hotels or hot spring resorts, making people almost forget the past of the house.不過，有些地方歷史傷痕實在太深，人們永遠記得。 威克勞就是其中之一。幾百年來，反抗分子在這一帶運籌帷握，以我此刻坐的位置為起點，走路一天能到的山巒丘陵，全都是游擊隊的幫手，為他們提供掩蔽，躲避摸黑踉蹌搜索的士兵。英軍拿槍見人就殺，直到揪出藏匿的反抗者為止，許多房舍就這麼被血洗清空，蕾西待的小屋也不例外。家家都有一段慘痛的過去。 山姆說得沒錯，我在大城市待太久了。都柏林現代化到了歇斯底里的程度，寬頻網路之前的事物都成了古董，難堪的小笑話。我已經完全忘了住在一個擁有歷史的地方是什麼感覺。山姆是鄉下人，老家在蓋威，他很瞭解。小屋的破窗映著月光發亮，感覺有如鬼屋，隱密而戒填。 有可能，我說：但我看不出和案情有什麼關連。將大房子裡的小鬼描繪成青面獠牙，讓他們不到報攤買東西是一回事，為了曾祖母一八四六年被地主欺負而刺他們一刀又是另外一回事。 那倒是，但我還是會查一下，碰碰運氣。任何線索都值得追查。 我猛然往樹叢一靠，感覺有東西匆匆跑開，留下枝葉一陣騷動。拜託，你覺得他們有這麼瘋嗎？ 山姆沉默半晌才說：我沒有說他們瘋了。 但你認為他們可能有人只為了一百年前的事，為了一個完全無關的家族，就把蕾西殺死。那我得說這傢伙最好多出門，越多越好，然後再找一個不會到了夏天就被他砍的女朋友。我不曉得自己為何如此生氣，態度這麼粗魯機車。可能和屋子有關吧，我想。我為屋子做了那麼多事，曾經花半個晚上和其他人將起居室的發霉壁紙撕掉，已經對它產生感情，只要想到屋子被人如此深惡痛絕，胃部就一陣灼熱。 在我老家，山姆說：有一個波塞爾家族，曾祖父還是誰當過租屋仲介，很壞的那種，故意借錢給無力租屋的家庭，然後佔對方妻子或女兒的便宜，膩了就將他們掃地出門。他們家的小孩凱文和我們一起長大，處得很好，完全沒有問題。但等我們年紀稍長，他開始和女孩約會，卻被一群小夥子打得半死。那些人一點也不瘋狂，凱西，也不是針對凱文。凱文是個好青年，從來不曾欺負女孩，只不過有些事就是無法化解，不管過了多久，就是不會消失。 樹叢的枝葉微擺，輕刺我的背部，彷彿有東西在動。我猛然回頭，卻只見到四周寂靜如畫。 這兩件事不一樣，山姆。凱文是主動的一方，是他先和女孩子約會，但這五個人什麼也沒做，他們只是住在這裡。 山姆又是一陣沉默。誰曉得，也許這就夠了。反正我只是說說。 他語氣裡帶著一絲困惑。也對，我稍微冷靜下來。你說得沒錯，這一點是值得追查，因為我們之前研判過，兇手可能是本地人。我剛才講話有點衝，對不起。 真希望妳在我身邊，山姆突然柔聲說道：電話裡很容易把事情混在一起，把話聽錯。 我知道，山姆，我說：我也想你。This is the truth.我一直努力抑制，這種事只會讓人分心，最後把案子搞砸，甚至喪命。但當我過完漫長一天，覺得又累又倦，獨自躺在床上試著讀書，實在很難壓抑心中的感覺。只剩幾週了。 山姆嘆息說：不到，要是我查出什麼的話。我會找道帝和伯恩談，看他們能告訴我什麼。這期間小心保護自己，好嗎？以防萬一。 我會小心，我說：你可以明天告訴我進展，晚上睡好。 妳也是，我愛妳。 被人窺伺的感覺依然在我頸後騷動，而且變得更強更近。也許只是和山姆講電話讓我緊張，但我突然很想搞清楚。暗處傳來的電波、山姆的故事與小瑞的父親從四面八方向我們湧來，尋找弱點，等待時機發動攻擊。我突然忘了自己才是侵入者，只想高聲大喊：放過我們！我將麥克風從襪子裡拿出來，連同手機塞回束腹裡，將手電筒開到最亮，邁開優閒輕快的步伐，開始朝家裡走。 我有幾招甩開跟蹤的方法，有時回頭逮他，有時反過來跟蹤對方，但大多數只適用於城市街道，應付不了荒郊野外。不過，方法可以調整，於是我直視前方，加快腳步，讓追蹤者為了跟上我，勢必敗露形跡或踩得矮樹叢窸窣作響。接著我突然轉向岔路，切掉手電筒，狂奔十五到二十公尺，然後盡量悄悄擠過樹籬，進入一片開闊的田野。我靠近樹叢蹲著，沉默等待。 二十分鐘過去，毫無動靜，連樹葉婆娑或碎石摩擦聲也沒有。要是有人跟蹤我，肯定既聰明又有耐心，這可不是好兆頭。最後，我決定穿越樹籬回到小路上。我張目瞭望左右兩邊，見不到任何人影。 我將衣服上的枝葉挑掉，開始趕路回家。蕾西散步通常大約一個小時，我得盡快回去，否則其他人會開始擔心。夜色漆黑，我見到樹籬頂端泛著微光，是山楂林屋的燈火。幾點金黃穿越恍如迷霧的林中輕煙，幽幽閃爍。 那天夜裡，我正在床上讀書，艾比過來敲門。她穿著紅白方格法蘭絨睡衣，臉龐洗得晶瑩白淨，頭髮垂肩，感覺只有十二歲。她將房門關上，盤腿坐在我床邊，腳掌夾進膝蓋取暖。我可以問妳一個問題嗎？she says. certainly.我說，心裡暗自祈禱知道答案。 好吧，艾比將頭髮挽到耳後，回頭看著門說：我不曉得該怎麼說，所以就直接問了，妳如果覺得我多管閒事就告訴我。How is the child? 我肯定是目瞪口呆，艾比嘴角勉強擠出一抹淺笑。抱歉，我不是有意嚇妳。是我自己猜的，因為我們一向同時來，但妳上個月始終沒買巧克力後來妳那天嘔吐，我就明白了。 我腦袋全速運轉。男生們知道嗎？ 艾比單邊的肩膀輕輕一聳。應該不曉得，但反正他們什麼也沒說。 這不表示他們沒人知道，也不表示蕾西沒和孩子的父親說，要嘛說她懷孕，要嘛說她決定墮胎，惹得他勃然大怒。但至少這讓我曉得，艾比知道不少。艾比看著我，等我開口。小孩沒活下來。我說，這一句倒是實話。 艾比點點頭。抱歉，她說：真的很遺憾，蕾西。還是？她小心翼翼揚起眉毛。 沒關係，我說：反正我也不曉得該怎麼辦，這樣比較簡單。 艾比又點點頭，我發覺自己想得沒錯，她果然並不意外。妳要告訴他們嗎？妳要是不想自己開口，我可以幫妳說。 不，我說：我不想讓他們知道。消息即武器，法蘭克總是這麼說。懷孕這件事或許另有用處，我不想立刻花掉。回想起來，我就是那時發現自己將死掉的嬰兒當成手榴彈收著，同時明白自己到底蹚了什麼渾水。 沒問題，艾比說完站起身來，扣好睡衣。妳如果想和人談或需要幫忙，儘管來找我。 妳不問我孩子的父親是誰嗎？I said.要是他們都曉得蕾西上床的對象是誰，麻煩就大了，但我就是覺得不可能。蕾西似乎是逼不得已才會開口的個性，但是艾比要是有人猜得出孩子父親是誰，那肯定是她。 艾比站在門邊回過頭，肩膀又是微微一聳。我覺得，她刻意保持語氣不帶感情。妳想說的時候應該就會跟我說。 艾比走後（她赤腳下樓的聲音有如急促和音，幾近無聲）我放下書本，坐著聽其他人準備上床。有人在浴室用水，賈思汀在我樓下五音不全地哼著歌（金手指），丹尼爾在房裡躡腳走動，地板吱嘎作響。 窸窣聲漸漸變小，變得細微斷續，最後完全沉寂下來。我關掉床頭燈，否則丹尼爾會從門縫看見燈還亮著，而且我今天已經說過太多悄悄話了。等我眼睛適應黑暗，只見到衣櫥巨影龐然，梳妝台縮成一團和我移動身體時鏡子裡的倏忽一閃。 我一直努力不去想寶寶的事，蕾西的孩子。庫柏說四週大，還不到半公分，彷彿一枚迷你寶石，輕易地就從指間縫隙滑過，顏色忽明又滅，轉瞬消逝。小小心臟有如亮片，跳動有如蜂鳥振翅，置身於再也不會發生的億萬事物之間。 妳那天嘔吐小生命意志堅強，神志清醒，不願被人忽略，已經伸出纖緣細指拉扯蕾西。不知為何，我心裡想像的不是滑若絲綢的新生兒，而是彳亍學步的嬰兒，嬌小裸裎，滿頭鬈髮，容貌模糊不清，在夏日草地上從我身邊跑開，歡笑尖叫。也許蕾西兩週前就坐在這張床上，幻想過同樣的場景。 Maybe not.我開始感覺蕾西的意志比我還強，堅硬有如黑曜石，天生善於反抗，卻不長於戰鬥。只要她不願想像腹中的孩子，那顆迷你璀璨的彗星就一秒也不會劃過她的心頭。 我很想知道蕾西是否決定留住孩子，彷彿那是揭開一切謎題的鎖鑰。愛爾蘭雖然頒佈墮胎禁令，卻只是白忙一場，每年仍舊有無數女性默默搭船或飛機前往英國，再默默返家，不讓任何人發現她們老遠走了一遭。這個世上沒有人能告訴我，蕾西究竟如何盤算，或許連她自己也不曉得。我突然想起床溜下樓再看一眼日記，生怕漏了什麼，因為十二月經期日那一欄角落有錯筆的點痕。但這麼做很蠢，而且我早就知道日記裡沒有什麼。我抱著膝蓋坐在一片漆黑之中，傾聽雨聲，感覺電池包壓著應該是傷口的部位，嵌入身體，就這樣坐了很久很久。 有一天晚上，我想是星期日，三名男生搬開家具，拿著砂紙和打蠟機，擠出不少男子氣概對抗起居室的骯髒地板。我和艾比讓他們去忙，兩人一起上到頂樓我房間隔壁的空房，檢視西蒙伯公聚積的寶藏。我坐在地上，半邊身體被垃圾古董蓋住，尋找沒被蟲子蛀空的物品。艾比翻動一堆窗簾，弄得空氣悶濁，她邊翻邊說：丟掉、丟掉、丟掉這個可以洗一洗丟掉、丟掉，喔，天哪，這一定要丟掉，這個爛東西是誰買的？樓下傳來嘈雜的砂紙磨地聲，屋子給人忙碌安穩的感覺，讓我想起重案組辦公室平常的模樣。 哇，艾比坐在腳跟上，突然說道：妳看這個。 她手裡拿著一件洋裝，蓋袖連身長裙，畫眉鳥蛋藍，波爾卡白點，白領加腰帶，裙襬只要轉身就會揚起，完全是為了林蒂舞（編註：林蒂舞源於二〇年代、結合非洲快節奏及歐洲優雅舞步的舞蹈。）設計的衣服。Wow!我說著推開身上雜亂的古董，走過去看個究竟，會不會是西蒙伯公的？ 我想他沒那個身材，但還是看相本確定一下，艾比伸長手臂，端詳洋裝。妳想試穿嗎？我覺得沒有發霉。 妳來吧，是妳找到的。 我穿不可能合身，妳看艾比站起來，將衣服搭在身上說：這要個子高一點才能穿，腰線都到我的屁股了。 艾比身高大約一百五十七公分，但我老是記不住，她的模樣實在很難讓人覺得她個頭嬌小。但我穿又太窄了，我比著腰身說：除非套緊身胸衣，否則我一定會把它撐破。 難講，妳受傷之後變輕了，艾比將衣服扔到我肩上說：試試看嘛。 我回房換衣服，艾比滿臉困惑地看我離開。蕾西顯然不會這麼做，但木已成舟，我只能祈禱艾比認為是我不想露出繃帶之類的緣故。洋裝竟然頗為合身，儘管有點緊，繃帶部位突出一塊，但不至於洩漏秘密。我匆匆打量一番，確定看不見線路，鏡子裡的我感覺屏著呼吸，淘氣大膽，預備迎接任何挑戰。 就跟妳說吧，我走出房間，艾比對我說。她將我轉了一圈，重新繫過腰帶，打上更大的結。去讓他們吹口哨吧。 我們邊喊邊跑下樓，你們看！走進起居室，砂紙已經磨光，小瑞他們正在等我和艾比。哇，看看妳！賈思汀高呼道：真是爵士俏妞！ 太完美了，丹尼爾微笑對我說：真是完美。 小瑞跨坐在琴椅上，一指滑過琴鍵，動作豪邁純熟，接著開始彈奏慵懶誘人帶著一點搖擺的音樂。艾比笑了，將我腰帶的結拉緊，之後走到鋼琴邊開始哼唱。 我認識不少男孩，和他們認識，卻覺得寂寞，直到遇見你 我聽過艾比唱歌，但都是她四顧無人自哼自唱，從來沒聽她引吭高歌。那聲音，如今很難聽到那樣的歌喉，低沉渾厚，悅耳動人，彷彿來自老的戰爭電影，讓人想起煙霧彌漫的夜總會，頂著紅唇和波浪鬈搭配藍調薩克斯風的駐唱女子。賈思汀放下砂紙，腳跟喀噠一聲併攏後朝我鞠躬。我有榮幸邀您共舞嗎？他問我，同時伸出一隻手。 我突然遲疑起來。要是蕾西手腳笨拙，或是她一點也不笨拙，我卻跳得七零八落露出馬腳，萬一賈思汀貼得太近，感覺傷口底下的電池但我一向喜歡跳舞，而且已經不知多久沒有跳舞，也不想跳舞了。艾比邊唱邊朝我眨眼，一個音符也沒遺漏，小瑞稍微重複一小段，我握住賈思汀的手，讓他帶我走出起居室。 賈思汀很會跳，他舞步輕盈，一手始終牽著我，帶我緩緩繞著房間轉圈，感覺腳下的地板柔軟溫暖，沾滿沙塵。我發現自己依然寶刀未老，沒有踩到賈思汀，也沒有失足絆倒，身體隨著他確信敏捷的動作搖擺，彷彿此生不曾撞到椅子，就算想踏錯腳步也不可能。 陽光斑斑條條閃過我的雙眼，丹尼爾靠著牆微笑，忘了手中那團揉縐的砂紙。賈思汀將我甩開又拉回來，我的裙襬揚起有如大鐘。我絞盡腦汁，想要理解你對我做的一切空氣中飄著亮光劑的味道，沙塵在光束裡慵懶盤旋，艾比高舉單掌，仰頭引頸高歌，歌聲穿越空蕩的房間與破敗的天花板，飛向夕陽璀璨的天空。 我忽然想起上回這樣跳舞是什麼時候：我和羅伯，在我家樓下的屋頂，在一切崩壞得不可收拾的前一晚。但我此刻穿著藍色洋裝，釦子緊扣，刀槍不入，絲毫不覺心痛。 甜蜜苦澀的回憶是那麼遙遠，彷彿很久以前發生在另一位女孩身上。小瑞加快節奏，艾比搖得更加起勁，不停彈指哼唱：我能用法文說你好美，甚至用德語說，我能道盡千言萬語，跟你說你是多麼棒 賈思汀攫住我的腰，將我舉離地板飛騰轉圈，滿臉通紅，他的笑容就在我的面前。房間寬闊沒有擺飾，艾比的歌聲繚繞迴盪，彷彿四面八方都有人唱和。 我們的舞步揚起無數回音，感覺房裡滿是舞者，屋子喚醒了數百年來趁著春日傍晚在此共舞的男男女女。時髦的女孩目送時髦男孩遠赴沙場，舊世界分崩離析，新世界急急叩門，屋裡的老人挺直腰桿不為所動。他們全都受了傷，全都言笑自若，歡迎我們成為家族的一員。