Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen

The next day was as long as a week.The Humanities College is hot and dry, making it breathless.The students in the seminar class I lead look bored and irritable. This is the last class, they haven't read the assigned textbook, and they don't bother to pretend to have read it, and I don't want to pretend that I care.All I could think about was Ned, and whether he would show up, and if he did, what would I say, and if he didn't, what would I do, and how long before Frank caught us meeting. I know it's just a try.Even if I'm right, he and Lacey were indeed dating at the cabin, and the two hadn't seen each other for nearly a month. The note was undated, and he might have given up on Lacey after maybe a few weeks.Even if he insists on his personality, he may not happen to go to the place where he left the message and find out the date.I actually hope he doesn't show up.Although I want to know what he said, Frank will hear everything I hear.

I waited at the cabin very early, about half past ten.Before going out, Xiao Rui was playing Beethoven violently, stepping on the pedals non-stop.Justin plugged his fingers into his ears and tried to read.Everyone is getting more and more irritable, and they may explode at any time and have a big fight. This is the third time I've been in the cabin.I was a little worried that the farmers would show up angrily. Although there is no one to take care of it, it is still private land after all.However, the night was quiet and bright, and as far as the eye could see, there was no movement within a few kilometers, only pale and empty fields and dark mountain shadows under the starlight.I leaned back in the corner, hidden from sight in the shadows, and watched the fields and paths until Ned appeared.

It's a slim chance, but if he does come, I have to make it right because there's only one chance.Not only the content of the conversation, but also the way of the conversation should be guided by him.I had to be what Lacey looked like to him.Based on past experience, this means that anything is possible, from the squeaky-voiced whore, the hard-working Cinderella to the mysterious spy Harley (Editor's Note: Mata Hari, 1876︱1917, p. Spy of World War I, known for her exotic dancer ensembles, and Marta the Witch.), I have to play both.Even if Frank didn't think highly of Ned's brain power, he might still find out that I was wrong.Therefore, I can only hold back and see if he will give me any hints.

The path was white, winding down between the dark hedges, with a hint of mystery.Near eleven o'clock, I heard a commotion, but it was too far or too deep to discriminate, as if my hearing had been lightly touched.There was silence, and then there was the sound of squatting footsteps at the end of the alley, and I ducked into a corner, clutching the flashlight in one hand, and touching the handle of the gun with the other in my jacket. I saw a golden hair approaching slowly along the dark hedge, and Ned really came. I took my hand off the gun and watched him climb awkwardly over the fence, check his pants for dirt, clap his hands, and walk across the field with disgust on his face.I waited for him to enter the cabin, only a few steps away from me, and then turned on the flashlight.

God, Ned said angrily, covering his eyes with his hand, "What, just trying to blind me?" In just a few seconds, I seemed to have taken a condensed class, and instantly understood everything I needed to know about him.I've panicked just by meeting someone who looks exactly like me, but he's sure to have an avatar on every street corner in South Dublin.His attire is exactly the same as that of others, as if he has thousands of images in mirrors, but he can't see the slightest bit of him.Standard fashion hairstyle, standard handsome appearance, standard athlete figure and standard flashy famous brand, I can see through his life with just one glance.I prayed to God to myself, don't let me identify him in a group.

Lacie would definitely let Ned see what he wanted to see, and I bet Ned would love the standard girl.It doesn't matter if you have a charming personality, just have a sexy demeanor, you don't need a sense of humor, you don't need a brain, and it's better to have a bit of a mouth.If I had known earlier, I would have put on a fake sunscreen and come back again.Ouch, I put on the same angry tone and added the biting tone I used to get Naylor out of the hole before: Why are you yelling, it's just a flashlight!It's a rough start, but I don't care.For some social circles, politeness is a sign of weakness.

Where did you go?Ned pressed: I've been leaving you notes, about once every two days.It's not like I'm full and fine, so how can I have the time to run to this ghost place every three days? If Lacey ever slept with that wretch, I'd go to the morgue and kill her with a knife.I rolled my eyes and said: Hello, sir, I was stabbed and passed out, remember? Oh, said Ned: Yes, that's right.He gave me a resentful look with his pale blue eyes, as if I'd done something tasteless, but then again, you can still contact me, it's a business!This is good news. Well, well, I said: Shouldn't we connect now?

The motorcycle detective, who looked like a city bumpkin, came to me for questioning, and Ned said to me as if suddenly remembering something, his expression didn't change at all, but you could tell he was angry.Like I'm a suspect or something.I told him that it was none of my business, that I was not from Barryman, and that I had nothing to do with stabbing people. I decided to agree with Frank that Ned was clearly not the smartest little white rabbit in the woods.To put it bluntly, a person like him can only follow others' opinions, gather the culmination of second-hand opinions, and never have his own ideas.I bet blue collar clients look like handicap to him, and he sees Asian girls and says I will love you forever.

Did you tell him about it?I sat on the fallen wall and asked him that. Ned gave me a look of horror and said, "How is that possible?"He's biting me like a rash and I don't even bother to explain to him, I just want to get this over with, okay? Really helpful and I'm not complaining.So, I said: I don't think this has anything to do with the accident I had, does it? Ned didn't seem to know what to say.He wanted to lean against the wall, but decided to give up after examining it.So, can we get back to business?He was anxious to know. I lowered my head and glanced at him sadly.The coma messed up my memory and you had to tell me what we talked about and where we talked.

Ned stared at me, his expression still impassive, impassive, showing nothing.I suddenly found the similarity between him and Daniel, even had to cut off Daniel's head.We agreed on a hundred, and Ned said after a while, "Cash." One hundred pounds for an antique, or one hundred thousand-pound bills for inheritance?But I don't need to know the truth to know he's lying.Um, no, I said, and gave Ned a goofy flirtatious grin, saving some face for his masculine pride, and the coma ruined my memory, not my head. Ned smiled, not at all embarrassed, put his hands in his pockets, tipped his toes and said, "Hey, I'm a man, and a man is supposed to try, isn't he?"

I'm still smirking, because he still seems to be full of it.Try another trick. Well, Ned put on a business face and said seriously: Seriously, I'll drive a hundred and eight, right?But you said that I definitely have more than this ability, which is of course nonsense, but in short, you want me to think carefully before talking to you.So I left another note, telling you that maybe it can be raised to two hundred K, yes, but you said that he shrugged uncomfortably: you know. Two hundred K, I suddenly seemed to have won a big victory.All police detectives know this feeling. Once the cards are turned over, all your bets will win, and you will feel extremely happy.But I soon realized that this incident was unusual. I always thought Ned was the protagonist, the one who stalled deals, processed paperwork, and raised prices.Lacie had never used a lot of money to escape before. She got to North Carolina with only the deposit from the flea nest, and only took the money from the sale of the broken car when she left.Lacey never wanted much, a broad avenue and a few hours early departure were enough. But this time, she asked Ned for six figures.She would do it, of course, because she was sure of it.But more importantly, she was pregnant with a baby, and Abby was eyeing her. Now that someone can afford so much money, why only take a few thousand pounds if they have to stay for a few weeks?Lacey could have signed the transfer and left with a little money, unless she had a reason to save as much money as she could, even a dime more. The more I got to know Lacey, the more certain she was that it was impossible to have a baby and that she would try to find a way to get an abortion as soon as she arrived in a new location.Abby knew Lacey better than anyone, but even she thought so.However, an abortion only costs a few hundred pounds. Lacey should have saved enough money from working part-time. Otherwise, she could steal public funds or even borrow money from the bank. However, raising children can be expensive.Once a wandering princess, now she wants to be a queen with a thousand castles. Lacey is about to open her hands for the biggest promise and bond of her life.I felt the broken wall instantly melt under my buttocks. My eyes must have looked like hell, because Ned misunderstood my expression, and said slightly sullenly: Seriously, I won’t lie to you, two hundred K is definitely the best price I can give.I mean, I'm the one taking the big risk.Even if we make a deal, I still have to convince two of your roommates, at least.Of course, I can do it, I just need to figure out the means, but it will probably take months and a lot of trouble. I pressed the wall hard with one hand, feeling the rough stones piercing into my palm, to wake up my head.Yeah? Ned's pale blue eyes widened.Oh please, of course it is.I really don't know what they have to lose.I know they're your friends and Daniel's my cousin or something, but are they stuffed in their heads?I just offered to move the house a bit and they screamed like they saw an exhibitionist nun. I shrugged and said: They love it there. Why?I mean, it's a rotten house with no heat, and they treat it like a palace.Don't they know how much benefit they can get as long as they close their eyes and sign?That house has potential. Turn this area into commercial apartments for future development. I suddenly hated myself and Lacey for dealing with this bastard for my own selfishness.I am smarter, and I said: After you get this place, how do you plan to realize the potential you mentioned?Ned gave me a puzzled look. I figured he and Lacy had talked about it. He seemed relieved to see me staring blankly at him.That depends on what development license you get, understand?I hope to build a golf club and hot spring hotel, something like that.If you really want to make a lot of money in the long run, you should do it. It would be even better if you can build a helipad.Otherwise, we can also build top luxury apartments. I really wanted to kick his dick and run away.I was ready to hate Ned before I even met him, and he didn't disappoint.Ned didn't want Hawthorn House at all. For all his hype in court, he didn't really care about it at all. It is not the house that he covets, but destroying it, tearing out its throat, gnawing its ribs, drinking its blood, to the last drop.Suddenly I see Naylor's face, swollen and bruised, eyes burning with hope: Have you ever wondered how much the hotel has affected Grunsky?Ned and Naylor would have hated each other if they had known each other, but deep down they were like twin brothers.When they pack up and get out of here, Naylor once said, I'm going to wave goodbye to them myself.However, in order to realize his dream, he at least sacrificed himself, not just his bank deposits. Good idea, I said: I mean, how can a house be just a place for people to live in, right? Ned didn't catch my sarcasm.Needless to say, he replied hastily, for fear that I would like to share more.It takes a lot of money to get the project off the ground, so I can only contribute two hundred at most.Are we done?Can I start running the file? I pursed my lips, pretending to be contemplative.I have to think about it. Oh, please, fuck it, Ned flicked his bangs with palpable frustration, and carefully smoothed his hair back into place, saying: Come on, it feels like a lifetime. I'm sorry, I shrugged and said: If you are really in such a hurry, the price will be higher at the beginning. Alas, am I driving right now?I know a bunch of investors who are waiting in line, waiting to see a high-rise building on the ground, but they can't wait forever.They are all very serious and seriously want to pay, okay? I smirked at him again, not forgetting to wrinkle my nose like a little woman.After I make up my mind, I will definitely tell you the answer seriously, okay?After speaking, he waved goodbye to him. Ned froze for a few seconds, tiptoeing from side to side, obviously annoyed, but I kept a smirk on my face.Well, finally, he finally opened his mouth and said: "Okay, whatever you want, just wait for you to speak." Ned walked to the door, turned around suddenly and said excitedly to me: You know, this way I finally got on the stage and got a chance to play with the big guys, so don't mess it up, okay? He turned around and strode away, wanting to make a graceful exit, but unfortunately stumbled and self-defeating, so he had to change to brisk and small steps across the field, and dared not look back. I turned off the flashlight and waited in the cabin, listening to Ned rustle across the meadows and get into the hunky wagon and rumble back to civilization until the sound of the car seemed insignificant in the night among the mountains.Then I went to the outer room, sat down against the wall, and felt my own heartbeat where Lacey's stopped. The air was warm and creamy, and my hips fell asleep, and tiny moths swirled around me like flower petals.Beside me, where Lacey was bleeding, there was already growth, a small cluster of delicate bluebells and a small seedling that looked like a hawthorn.These lives come from her. Even if Frank didn't hear me and Ned live, he'd hear a recording of our conversation the next morning at work, hours later.I should call him or Sam right away, figure out how to make the most of the situation, but feel like if I move, or even try to speak or breathe a little, my head will explode and splatter the grass. I was obviously overconfident.However, can this be my fault?This girl is like a wild cat, would rather cut off her own limbs than be caught in a trap.I always thought it was impossible for Lacey to say the word forever, and I kept telling myself that she might be planning to give the baby up for adoption, and as soon as she could get out of bed, she would throw the baby in the hospital and disappear into the parking lot, facing the next Depart from the Promised Land. But I know now that even if the price she gave Ned was astonishing, it was not for the hospital, but for life, the lives of two people. Just as she let others unknowingly carve her into the niece of a strange family, and let Ned relegate her to the woman he thought he knew, she let me make her into what I wanted to see. She seems to have a master key in her hand, which can open all closed doors, and is like an endless highway leading to millions of new beginnings.But there is no such thing in the world.Even if the girl keeps throwing away her old life, like driving away from a rest stop, she will eventually meet the exit and be willing to take the interchange. I sat alone in the hut for a long time, gently touching the seedling with my fingers, feeling how tender it is, so I dare not hurt it.I don't know how long it took me to get up, and I don't remember how I got home. I walked down the road, hoping that Naylor would pop out of the hedge, yelling and yelling at me with rage in his eyes, maybe even fisting.Anything is fine, as long as it gets me into a good fight. The forest house was brightly lit like a Christmas tree, the windows were shining with light, people were walking around, and their words were blurred. I couldn't get used to it for a while: Did something terrible happen?Or someone is dying?Or is the house tilted and slipping?Throwing a long-awaited happy party?As soon as I step on the grass, will I fall back to 1910? I slammed the iron door shut and Abby pushed open the French doors and yelled Lacy!At the same time, she ran towards me across the grass, her white dress fluttering. I have been paying attention to the outside of the house, wanting to see if you have come back.she says.Abby was out of breath, flushed, eyes sparkling, and locks of hair hanging loose from barrettes, apparently from a drink.We're getting decadent, and Ray and Justin make a punch with cognac, rum, and I don't know what, and it's killing me.Anyway, everyone doesn't need to take seminars tomorrow, and they don't have other things to do, and they don't need to go to school, so those who care about him decide to drink all night until they fall to the ground.How is it, not bad? great!I said the voice sounded strange and disorganized, but Abby didn't seem to notice.It took me a while to pull myself together and return to reality. Right?I was worried at first that it wouldn't be a good idea, you know.But Xiao Rui and Justin directly mixed the wine, and Xiao Rui still lit the wine on purpose.Both of them yelled at me that I was always worrying about this and worrying about that.I think, at least they didn't attack each other this time, did they?So, I was like, forget it, we need a drink anyway.The past few days, alas, the past few weeks, we've all been turning into a bunch of lunatics, don't you see?That thing the night before, the rocks, the fight, and oh my! A shadow flashed across Abby's face, then disappeared without a trace.Before I could tell, the cheerful and frank slightly drunken expression had returned to her face.So I figured, if we drink all night and get all the bad stuff out of our way, maybe we wake up tomorrow morning and everyone can calm down and get back to normal.What do you think? Drunk Abby feels much younger.But Frank was at war, his head rumbling like a bomber, and he lined up Abby and her three best friends, inspecting them one by one, not letting go of every inch, as calm as a surgeon or an abuser, scrutinizing them carefully, and deciding Where to cut the first knife, where to pierce the first needle.I'm going to be so happy, I said: oh my god, I love this idea. We didn't wait for you to come back, we started by ourselves, Abby leaned back, looked at me anxiously and said, "You don't mind, do you?"Angry we didn't wait for you. Of course not, I said: as long as there is still wine left.In the distance behind her, there are staggered figures on the wall of the living room. Xiao Rui bends slightly with a cup in her hand, her blond hair reflects the dark curtains like a dream, French jazz actress Josephine.Beck's voice poured out of the window, sweet, husky and seductive, singing in French: You are the girl of my dreams I just want to be in it fast, I've never wanted anything in my heart, I just want to drop the gun and the phone, drink and dance till my head burns out and the world disappears, just the music and the lights and the four of them by my side, laughing Dizzy without any interruptions. Hey, why are there none left?Who do you think we are?After finishing speaking, Abby grabbed my wrist, held up the hem of the skirt with one hand, and pulled me towards the house.You have to help me with Daniel, who took a big glass of wine and ended up sipping it.But tonight, you can't take a sip, you should drink hard.I mean, I know he's a little lost because he's been talking about labyrinths and tauren and Bolton the Tinkerer in A Midsummer Night's Dream and so on, so he's not sober, but it's still not enough. Oh, that's right, I said with a smile, I can't wait to see Daniel die, so what are we waiting for?After speaking, he ran across the lawn with Abby, and rushed into the kitchen hand in hand. Justin sat at the kitchen table, with a ladle in one hand and a cup in the other, and his head was buried in a large bowl. The bowl was red with blood, and he felt very bad.God, you are so beautiful, he said to us: like a fairy in the woods, really. They were beautiful indeed, and Daniel smiled at us from the door and said: Give them a little punch and we'll be handsome. We always thought you were handsome, Abby grabbed the glass from the table and said: But we still need to drink, Lacey needs a lot of punch to catch up with us. I'm handsome too!Ray yelled from the living room, louder than Beck.Come here quickly and tell me I'm handsome too! you are handsome!Abby and I yelled back as hard as we could.Justin thrust the glass into my hand, and the four of us headed toward the living room, kicking off our shoes in the hallway, licking the punch off our wrists, and laughing loudly. Daniel was slumped in the armchair, Justin lay on the couch, and I, Abby, and Ray fell straight to the floor because it was a bit of a hassle to get into the chair.Abby was right, the punch was damn good, delicious and tasteless, as smooth as fresh orange juice, but soon filled the body like helium, making people light, feeling sweet and crazy. I know that if I just do one stupid thing, like stand up, everything will be different.I could hear Frank babbling in my head, emphasizing the importance of self-control, like a school nun babbling about alcohol as the devil's poison.But I've had enough of Frank and his clever talk about always keeping yourself in check. I still want to drink.I said, patting Justin with my foot and shaking my glass at him. What happened that night, I have a hazy memory, especially the details. After two or three rounds of drinking, the night softened instantly, as if someone had cast a spell, like a dream.I found an excuse to go back to the room, and hid the undercover equipment such as the gun, mobile phone and waistband under the bed.Someone turned off the lights in the room, leaving only a desk lamp and candles shining like stars. I remember that everyone talked for a long time, discussing which 007 was the best, and then started to argue fiercely about who among the three of Xiaorui played Pound the best.We played a stupid drinking game called Ducky Duck that Rui had learned in boarding school until Justin snorted and rushed to the sink to spit it all out. We laughed until our stomachs ached, forcing me to plug my fingers in my ears until I could catch my breath.Ray reached under Abby's neck, my feet were on Justin's ankles, and Abby reached out to hold Daniel.It feels like the previous friction and discord never existed at all, and we are as close and warm as I was in the first week of my stay, crystal clear, even better, a hundred times better, because I don’t have to be vigilant this time, wondering about my position in the family, and dare not act rashly .I already know them by heart, their speech rhythms, eccentricities and temperamental ups and downs, I know how to fit each of them.This time I belong to them. One of the conversations impressed me the most. I have forgotten what we were talking about, but I just remember that we talked about Henry V.I didn't pay special attention to this passage at the time, and it was only after things changed that I realized it was very important. That guy is simply a lunatic, a psychopath.Xiao Rui said.He and I and Abby lay back on the ground again, with our arms around mine.Shakespeare's promotion of him as a hero is simply propaganda.If he is alive now, he must be the president of a small banana country, constantly in conflict with neighboring countries, messing around with dangerous nuclear weapons programs. I like Henry, said Daniel, smoking a cigarette: We need such a monarch now. You royalist militant, Abby said to the ceiling: If there is a real revolution, you will definitely be nailed to the wall. The real problem is not war or monarchy. Daniel said: As long as there is human society, there will be war. This is the essence of human nature, and there will always be rulers.Do you really think there is that much difference between a medieval king and a modern day president or prime minister, except that the king was a little more amiable to the people?The real problem comes from the separation of these two things, that is, the separation of war and monarchy.Henry had no such rupture at the time. You are talking nonsense.Justin said.He was trying to lie down and drink without sitting up or spilling on himself, but it was difficult. do you know what you needAbby said to Justin: Straw, the kind that can be bent. That's right!Justin said happily: I just need a bent straw, do you have it at home? No.Abby herself was taken aback, and Xiaorui and I couldn't help giggling very rudely. I'm not talking nonsense, Daniel said: Think about ancient wars, when the war was fought hundreds of years ago, the king was at the forefront, without exception.Rulers used to be like this.Regardless of reality or symbol, he always walks in front of the people, taking risks and suffering for them, sacrificing himself for the safety of the people.If a king refuses to perform a crucial act at a crucial moment, the people will cut him open, and rightfully so.Because he is just a fake leader, not worthy of a big position at all.In the past, I was the country, how could it be possible to fight without him?But now, which president or prime minister have you seen personally stepped into the line of fire and led the people to fight the war he initiated?Once the connection between reality and symbol is broken, and the ruler is no longer willing to sacrifice for the people, he is no longer a leader, but a parasite, forcing others to take risks for him, living a stable life, and profiting from the losses of others.War has become an ugly fantasy, a paper game of government bureaucrats, soldiers and civilians are just pawns in their hands, and thousands of people are dying for reasons that are completely untenable in reality.Once rule is nothing, war is nothing, and human life is nothing.So we are now ruled by a bunch of corrupt usurpers, all of them.Wherever these people go, everything becomes nothing. do you know?I barely lifted my head a few inches off the floor, and said to him: You said a lot, and I only understood a quarter of it. How could you be sober? He wasn't sober, Abby said with satisfaction, "Speaking out means he's drunk, and you should know that, Daniel is dead drunk." I'm not talking nonsense, Daniel told her, but with a smile and a gleam of mischief on his face.I am monologue.Hamlet can, why can't I? When Hamlet monologues, at least I can understand, I look pitiful and say: almost. To put it simply, what Daniel said just now, Xiao Rui was lying on the carpet in front of the fireplace, turned to me and said, a pair of golden eyes looked at me, only a few centimeters away.Politicians are simply exaggerated. On a picnic in the mountains a few months ago, Ray and I threw strawberries at Daniel to interrupt his rant.I could swear I was there, the smell of the sea breeze, and the pain in my thigh from climbing the mountain are all in my memory.Everything in the world is exaggerated, except Elvis and chocolate.I announced this, tremblingly raised the wine glass above my head, only to hear Daniel suddenly burst into laughter. Daniel is very suitable for drinking, his cheeks are filled with fresh blood, his deep eyes have a little light, and his stiff posture has also turned into animal-like confidence and elegance.The heartthrob in the family was Ray, but I couldn't take my eyes off Daniel that night.He leaned back slightly, sitting in a faded brocade chair, surrounded by candlelight and various colors, with red wine shining in his hand, black hair hanging down his forehead, he felt like an ancient general, sitting upright in a banquet hall, the king was dazzling Be bold and celebrate before the next war. The windows were wide open, facing the courtyard in the night, moths circled the lights, insect shadows intertwined, and the damp breeze gently brushed the curtains. Hey, it's summer, Justin suddenly said, sitting up straight from the sofa, as if surprised.Feel it, the wind is warm, and summer is here.Come on, let's go outside.After speaking, he stumbled to his feet, passed Abby and pulled her, then climbed out of the window and into the balcony. The outside of the house is pitch black, with a dark fragrance floating, full of vitality, and a full moon is huge and primordial.I don't remember how long we were out there.Xiaorui and I hooked our hands in circles, panting and fell on the lawn, giggling non-stop.Justin held two hawthorn petals in his hands and threw them into the air, which fell in our hair like snowflakes.Daniel and Abby were barefoot, dancing a slow waltz under the tree, like couples who danced together at a banquet so long ago.I'm flipping and front flipping in the yard, fuck his fake wounds, whatever Lacy can do gymnastics.I can't remember the last time I was this drunk, but I love it, I just want to go down again, never come up for a breath, take a deep breath with my mouth open, and soak up the night. I do not know when, they disappeared from my world.I lie in the herb garden, accompanied by the scent of crushed mint, and I look up at the millions of stars twinkling alone.I heard Xiaorui calling my name in front of the house. After a while, I stood up reluctantly and wanted to find him, but felt that my center of gravity was unstable and it was difficult to walk.I walked slowly while supporting the wall, holding on to the branches and vines with one hand, and heard the crackling of the broken branches under my feet, but felt no pain at all. The moonlight made the lawn slightly bright and white, and the music came slowly from the window. Abby danced solo in the grass, with her arms open and her head raised, slowly circling in circles towards the endless night sky.I stood by the alcove, shaking the long vines with one hand and watched silently, watching her white skirt fluttering and fluttering, holding the hem of the skirt and turning her wrists, the soles of her feet drew arcs, her neck was shaking slightly, among the whispering trees In and out. She is so beautiful, isn't she?Someone from behind said softly, but I was too drunk to feel the shock.It was Daniel, sitting on the stone chair under the vines, holding a cup in his hand, and a wine bottle was placed on the stone floor beside him. The moon shadow made him look like a marble statue.He said: When we are old, gray-haired, everything begins to pass away, forgetting all the past in life, I will remember this Abby.I suddenly felt a pain in my heart, but I didn't know the reason. The reason was too complicated and too far away.I also want to remember tonight, I said: tattoo on my body like a tattoo, so I won't forget it. Come on, Daniel put down his wine glass, moved his body to make room, stretched out his hand towards me and said: Come and sit here.We will still have thousands of nights like this. It doesn’t matter if we forget dozens of them, and we will definitely make up for them in the future.We have all the time in the universe. Daniel held me, his palm warm and strong.He sat me down and I leaned on him, feeling his solid shoulders, the light scent of redwood and clean wool on his body, shadows and lights swaying all around, water gurgling by our feet.I thought we were going to lose you, Daniel said: That feeling He shook his head, gasped a little, I miss you, you don't know how much I miss you, but it's okay now, everything will be okay. He turned his head to look at me, put his fingers into my hair, his fingertips were rough and gentle, slowly slid across my neck, and then to the edge of my mouth, tracing the outline of my lips. The house is dimly lit, like a merry-go-round light that is magical and dreamy, high-pitched singing floats above the trees, vines spin with the music, the music is so sweet that it breaks my heart, I just want to stay here forever, remove the microphone and electronic circuit assembly Enter the envelope, throw it in the mailbox and send it to Frank, put aside the past life, be as light as a bird, and take the forest house as home ever since.Others must be happy, fool, we don't want to lose you, we don't have to let outsiders know about our lives anymore. I'm as entitled as the dead girl, I'm as much Lacey as she is.As long as the rent is stopped, the landlord will throw my disgusting work clothes into the garbage bag, and there is nothing in the house that I need right now.The cherry blossoms fall softly on the driveway, the scent of ancient books is quiet, the Christmas windows are covered with ice crystals, and the fire is shining, there is no need to fall in love, no need to marry and have children, lose anyone, the world will never change, only The five of us live in this secret garden with iron walls, and we don't know where to end.A drum rumbles deep inside me, warning me of danger.But I knew that the dead girl had come all the way to me just for this moment, so I became Lacey, waiting for the right moment to take me by the hand, lead me up the stone steps, into the door, and take me home.Daniel's lips tasted of ice cubes and whiskey. Although I never thought about it, I also knew that Daniel was definitely not a good kisser, because of his detail-oriented personality.He kissed so hard it took my breath away.I don't know how long it took, we finally let go of each other, and I felt my heart beating wildly. Now, my heart sank slightly, thinking: what is it now? The corners of Daniel's mouth curled into a smile, right on my lips.He put his hands on my shoulders, his thumbs gently drawing wide circles along my collarbone. Frank certainly didn't blink.I know there are undercover agents who beat people, take heroin, and even sleep with gangsters, all for the sake of work.I know they're all talking bullshit, but they never say anything, it's none of my business anyway.As long as people use their brains, they will definitely find other ways to get what they want.They do it because they want to, and work just gives them an excuse. Suddenly, I saw Sam's face, wide-eyed, surprised, as clear as if standing beside Daniel.I should be so ashamed, but I just feel like a wave of frustration hits me, swamping me so badly that I just want to scream.Sam is like a giant feather quilt that wraps around my life, always covering me with vacations, caring inquiries, and a gentle, resolute warmth that almost suffocates me.I really want to kick him away like a horse, take a deep breath of cold wind, and go back to myself. It was the wiring that saved me.But it wasn't because it would pick up, I didn't think about it that much at the time, it was Daniel's hand.The microphone is pinned in the center of the bra, between the cups, and his thumb is less than ten centimeters away.I woke up suddenly, never sober.Another ten centimeters, I will play with fire and burn myself. Well, I said and grinned at Daniel, stalling for time, thinking about eating three bowls of Gong. 丹尼爾沒有反應，我感覺他眼裡閃過什麼，只是我辨別不出。我腦袋似乎故障停擺，完全不曉得換成蕾西她會如何脫困。我突然有種恐怖的感覺：或許她也不能。 屋裡傳來撞擊聲，緊接著法式落地窗門砰的打開，有人衝到陽台，小瑞咆哮著：為什麼老是把所有事情搞得他媽的這麼大驚小怪 拜託，真是夠了你。是你想要 說話的是賈思汀，他氣得聲音顫抖。我瞪目看了丹尼爾一眼，從椅子上跳起來，隔著藤蔓窺視院子。只見小瑞在陽台走來走去，一手搔頭，賈思汀癱靠在牆上，用力咬著指甲。他們還在吵架，但音量已經放低，我只聽見他們的口氣又急又兇。賈思汀垂頭喪氣，下巴抵著胸口，看來似乎在哭。 可惡，我說著回頭瞄了丹尼爾一眼，他依然坐在石頭凳上，葉影讓他臉龐模糊，見不到表情。我猜他們可能摔破什麼東西，小瑞打了賈思汀。我們是不是該 丹尼爾緩緩地站了起來，身影明明暗暗，似乎佔滿凹室，感覺巨大清晰而奇怪。I think so too. 他伸手按住我的肩頭將我推開，動作溫柔卻不帶感情，接著大步穿越草坪。艾比倒在草裡，有如一朵白棉，伸出一隻手臂，似乎已經沉沉睡去。 丹尼爾單膝跪在艾比身旁，小心翼翼撥開她臉上一綹頭髮，隨即起身拍去褲子上沾的草屑，朝陽台走去。小瑞大吼一聲：老天爺！轉身衝進屋裡，猛力甩門。賈思汀肯定在哭了。 眼前的場景簡直荒謬，完全無法理解。畫面彷彿傾斜著，緩緩轉圈。屋子無助搖晃，院子起伏如波，我忽然發覺己其實醉得一塌糊塗，一點也不清醒。我坐在石椅上，將頭抵在膝蓋之間，直到一切平穩下來。 我一定是睡著了，還是昏倒，我不曉得。我聽見吼叫聲，但似乎與我無關，我也置之不理。 脖子抽搐讓我醒來，我躺了很久才意識到自己身在何處。我蜷縮在石凳上，腦袋斜斜靠著牆面，姿勢很難看，衣服又濕又冷，身體忍不住顫抖。 我緩緩挺直身子，有如分解動作似的，然後起身。真是失策，我腦袋立刻天旋地轉，必須抓著藤蔓才能站直。 凹室之外，院子已經轉成灰色，破曉前的灰暗，感覺寂靜而鬼魅，沒有一片葉子在動。我驀地恐懼起來，害怕踏進院子，感覺那裡似乎神聖不可侵犯。 艾比已經不在草地上。草坪露水深重，沾濕我的腳掌和褲管，我看到陽台上兩隻襪子捲成一團，或許是我的，但我無力去撿。 我打開法式落地窗門，小瑞在沙發酣睡著，身旁被空杯子、散落的椅墊與堆滿煙蒂的煙灰缸環繞，彷彿躺在散發酒臭的小水坑裡。 鋼琴撒滿玻璃碎片，弧線精巧，斑斑點點落在光潔的木質琴身與發黃的琴鍵上，旁邊牆壁出現一個新的凹洞，凹痕很深，顯然有人扔了什麼，或許是杯子或煙灰缸，而且是故意的。我躡腳上樓，懶得褪下衣服就爬進被窩，在床上抖了很久才進入夢鄉。