Chapter 6 lost years

How to go this way, Henry knew very well, it was the only thing in the world he remembered how to do.The road winds up wooded hills, past eucalyptus, magnolia and mulberry orchards, and the roadsides are thick with blackberries, making it difficult to pass.In the past, this road was not difficult to walk. Many years ago, before Henry came here, there were horse-drawn carriages running here, but it was not widened later, so it was not suitable for cars, especially Henry's big car, which was a bright red Buick Eight.If you want to meet cars, one of them has to drive into the wild grass on the side of the road first, and let the other pass first.

But there were no other cars on the road, and there was no one else in Henry's car.He was tall, with his knees reaching the steering wheel and his head reaching the roof of the car.He seemed to grow up without taking the measurements of other people in the world first, always wrong, either too big or too small.He's had every color a human being can have, and now that all the colors are exhausted, you can almost see him right at thirty.I watched him grow up all the way. Most of the children of other people's families can fit their father's clothes when they grow up, but when he grows up, he can fit and wear regrets and sorrows.

It's hard, and it's hard even for me to remember him the way he used to be.Memories fade and new memories replace old ones.But I do still remember him in our little blue suit at our dinner party, and he has a good memory, and he can say their names correctly in front of guests, and sometimes even middle names, like Lloyd.Carlton.Creed, and Abby.Forest.Miss Brown.All of our best friends were wearing gorgeous good clothes, how proud my husband and I were then.Henry was acting like a leader at the time, and looking at him, you thought, this is the future.None of this matters now.There had been good times, he had been a boy, but what was the point of knowing that things had changed?

Everything has changed.When he was here before, there were roses blooming everywhere, gray-pink buds spread all over the ground, walking on the road seemed to be going from this world to another.At that time there was someone who took care of the roses full-time. His name was Curtis, and I'm sure Henry remembered.He was wearing a green jumpsuit and a yellow cap. Every time he saw Henry, he would rub his head vigorously, look at the ground, and then pretend to be surprised and say: Someone lost freckles!Then pretend to pick it up and stick it back on Henry's face.Curtis was no longer here, of course, the bushes were tangled and thin, and the roses were all dry and would break if touched.The road itself has been washed by time and wind and rain, Henry thought, before long, the whole road will disappear, and no one will know what lies at the end of the road.In fact, looking in the rear mirror, he could see the passing road fading away, rolled up like a carpet, and disappeared.

He wondered if he could still find a way out. Before making the last turn, Henry thought about the last time he saw this hotel, and that memory was not difficult to recall, because this place has a kind of elegance beyond imagination A cheeky advertising gimmick that easily touches someone's heart and scratches the deep itch of someone who wants to be prominent. They like grandeur. They want only the best: giant shrubs trimmed in the shape of a dog or a horse. , marble floors, gilded ceilings, stairwells that seem to lead to heaven, music, laughter, the scent of beautiful women, and the feeling of being in the middle of someone special.The people there are elite, and even if you're not, even if you live in a basement with rats, you still feel special.That special place is the Fremont Hotel.

But that was a long, long time ago.Henry has changed, and so has it.This big house with many, many rooms is now like an ancient ruin, crumbled to nothing but stone and dust, empty and lifeless, not even a door.He parked the car in front of the stairs leading to the lobby and walked in.It was dark, but he could see into every room, and saw the vague shape of someone or something that, as he approached, disappeared into the darkness without a trace.A cold wind is blowing from all the rooms, little black birds are nesting on the windows, what happened to this paradise on earth?Maybe, he thought, like what happened in the first heaven, someone committed a great sin and God cast them out.

He took the back stairs to the seventh floor, his old route, ten times a day, sometimes with Hannah, sometimes by himself.The ladder was rotten, missing planks every third or fourth rung, but the staircase was as familiar as his own hands.The armrest is cool and smooth to the touch.If he had a childhood, it would be here. His childhood was spent climbing up and down these stairs, playing hide-and-seek. The door of Room 702 is still there and closed.He reached out to knock on the door, but stopped halfway, he didn't need to knock on the door, he knew who was behind the door, and that person knew he was coming.Of course he knew, he knew what was going to happen because he wrote the script.He wouldn't be surprised no matter what Henry did.

He opened the door, and there was Mr. Sabaschin, sitting in the same high-backed red velvet chair, in his black frock coat and shiny shoes, with his hair combed back, a smile on his lips, dead pale as always. .He is still playing with a George.A quarter of Washington's head. He said: Henry, come in. Henry didn’t speak, what could he say?He couldn't even breathe, it was as if his chest was tightening, and he was resisting, he fought his heart hard, pulled through, and then looked around.The room hadn't changed at all, as if the hotel maid had just left after cleaning. The bed was neat without a single wrinkle, and he didn't seem to see a speck of dust.

Henry carried a knife, small enough to fit in a pocket and sharp enough to kill.He groped for it quietly, and held the knife in his hand without any trace. This is the skill of a magician. It can fly out at any time, as if it had grown wings. He and Mr. Sabaschin locked eyes. Henry had nothing to fear, and a man with nothing to lose has nothing to fear.He said: I am here to kill you. I know.Mr. Sabaschin had a cool way of talking.I know you're going to kill me, but not now, not today.That was for a later time, another place, another time.We have other things to attend to today. The coin between Mr. Sabaschin's fingers is still sliding, as if with free will, even if Henry cut off that hand, it will not stop.

Henry put the knife back in his pocket.So you know why I'm here. Mr. Sabaschin smiled and said: Of course. Henry nodded, but he seemed not as sure as the other party.He said: I want to see her. Mr. Sabaschin put on a look of bewilderment.Of course he wasn't really confused, he never was, but he liked to act that way.He said: She?she?I'm not sure which she you're referring to. At this moment, Henry saw a door open in the corner. He had always thought it was a cabinet before, but it was not, it was a door, and everything that did not exist in this world was behind the door.

So I walked out the door. I could see that he didn't recognize who I was at first, looked at me in a strange way, and that kind of broke my heart.All he saw was a woman in a tight, frilly dress, with her hair pulled back in a bun, with a displeased, sulky expression on her face.He hasn't seen this face for a long time, but He said: Mom. I let his words clung to my ears.Henry. He wanted to come, I could see, but Henry knew he couldn't because Mr. Sabaschin's chair was between us.We're so close, but we can't get any closer. I said: It's all because of me, all of this.I'm so sorry, Henry. What's the meaning? All that has happened and all that will happen in the future.I mean, I wish I wasn't dead, things might have been different if I had been alive. He said: You were sick at the time and there was nothing you could do. I said: I can always do something if I want to do it when I am alive, but I just didn't do it. He shook his head and smiled, forgiving, but I couldn't take it anymore, I just turned my head and covered my face and wept, and there was really nothing I could do, nothing, for a mother, There is no worse feeling. Mr. Sabaschin was sympathetic and said: Well, then He looked towards the door, Mariana.Flowers came out. She seemed to have floated in instead of leaving, faintly unlike the people of this world, but as beautiful as when she was alive, exactly like what Henry wanted to remember about her.When her body was found in the warehouse, it was completely different from now. It was covered with knives from head to toe, and none of them missed the target. Mariana.He said. She just looked at him with her sad eyes. Now Henry began to wonder how many dead people were behind the door, wondering if Karstenbaum was there.Karstenbaum was the last person he knew and loved to die, having been electrocuted in sing sing prison a month earlier.Henry loved him, he only realized it after Karstenbaum's death.Karstenbaum had rescued him after the war, and Henry hadn't known what to do when he got off the ship that day, and Karstenbaum had shown him the way, and he should be loved for that alone. Henry waited for a while, but Mariana didn't speak.He just wanted to hear her whisper his name, which was always the best thing, not because it was his name, but because she was calling him.Mr. Sabaschin seemed to enjoy the time, allowing them to look into each other's eyes in unlikely circumstances. She is really special, right?Mr. Sabaschin said.Few are as truly charming as she is.The fact that that happened is bad. Henry's fingers could feel the outline of the knife in his pocket, although he knew very well that it was useless here, but touching it and pretending to use it would make him feel better. He called again: Mariana.She still doesn't speak. The devil smiled and said: Welcome to our big star today, are you ready?Let me introduce you to the lovely, gifted, gone but never forgotten Hannah.Miss Walker. For Henry, the time between when he introduced her and when she actually showed up seemed like an eternity.He could feel his own heartbeat, it seemed to be beating in his head, and it was also beating at his fingertips.Then she emerged, with the small steps of a little girl who is not sure of her footing.She was still nine years old, with long blond hair, innocent eyes, and wrists so thin he could hold two in one hand.She was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen, and he wondered how she could exist like this. She came into the room, stood beside Mariana, hesitated for a moment, then moved between Mariana and me, and I felt her small shoulders against my hip.Hannah, my lovely daughter, she's a little nervous, so she's playing with her fingers, looking down at the ground, then up and down at Mariana and Mr. Sabaschin, like she doesn't know what to do here.Then she looked at Henry and smiled, and it was a great gift for him to smile whenever she saw him. You really killed her.Henry always thought so in his heart, but didn’t want to believe it was true.she died. Of course she died.Mr Sabaschin said: "Of course the little girl is dead, how do you think she might not be dead?" Henry heard something in the devil's words.What's the meaning?What does it mean that the little girl is dead? Mr. Sabaschin smiled and said in a whispering voice: I'm creating an atmosphere of mystery, you know, it's like magic, the secret must not be revealed. Henry looked at Hannah, and Hannah looked at him. Hi Henry.Hannah said. Hi Hannah. She blushed.You get so big. I know, sometimes it does. She nodded, as if feeling quite novel, and said: Oh. Mr. Sabaschin took out his watch from his big pocket and said with a sigh: "It's a pity we don't have much time. We have to go on the road and continue our tour!" Henry looked at Hannah, at Mariana, at me, and at Mr. Sabaschin.He said: "What should I do, I don't know what to do. Mr. Sabaschin said: That's why I'm coming, to tell you.He took a deep breath, smoothed out the wrinkles of his trousers with his palm, and said: You can take one of them back. Henry said: One of them. Yes.He said: You can only choose one. But I want them all.Henry said: Every one of them. I know, Henry, that's the worst part.As he spoke, he winked at Henry. Marianna, Hannah, and I stood in a row for the demonstration, and we watched Henry, who looked between us.We could hear the sound of his heart beating, and the whole room was filled with the sound of his heart beating. Can only choose one.Henry said softly. Can only choose one. Henry was set there, about to make the biggest choice of his life, he thought of holding Hannah outside my window so she could watch me die, that was the last time I saw my child, even through the window, it was still beautiful .At least I had a life, and so did Mariana. How was it?not necessarily.Nor is the manner of death to be envied. But Hannah Henry had just begun her life when he lost Hannah, not even begun at all, and, in fact, everyone knew that she was his favorite. He said softly: Well, I choose Hannah.If I could only pick one, I'd pick Hannah. I'm glad he chose that, although who wouldn't be heartbroken?But deep down I am still happy. This was not the case with Mariana, who closed her eyes to hide her sadness. Although she was always close to death, she still wanted to live.She shook her head and looked at Henry with extremely sad eyes. Then we, Mariana and I, took a step back. Hannah stood still, looking from Mr. Sabaschin to her brother, trying to smile, but couldn't.It's a tough moment. She said: I don't know yeah. Henry didn’t expect her to say that.You don't know?Henry said: What don't you know? She couldn't look directly at Henry, and her voice was too weak when she spoke.I don't know if I want to go or not. Mr. Sabaschin's eyes widened in surprise.Oh, what a reversal!He said to Henry: I know nothing, I swear! Hannah, I can take you back, and you can live and have a life again. I know, it's just that I've been here a lot longer than I've been over there, and I guess I'm used to it.She smiled slightly and said: I am not unhappy. But you're dead, Hannah, dead. She shrugged.Many people died.But, Henry, do you want to think about Mariana?She hasn't been here long enough to get used to it, take her away, Henry, I think that would be the best choice. Henry couldn't believe this was happening, he was offering her life and she was refusing. Mr. Sabaschin tapped his finger on his pocket watch.Time is limited, we can't go on like this forever.We don't have forever.He said to Henry: At least you didn't. certainly.Henry pointed and said: Then, I choose Mariana. So she raised her head and looked at him with gloomy eyes. He had never seen her eyes so alive. She said: Henry, did you settle for second best and choose me?Want me to be the runner-up?No, Henry, I don't want to. But Mariana She gave him a hard look and stopped him.I would rather die than go with you. Only then did he turn to me, the last one. He said: Mom, can you come with me please? But I have lived enough, and it is too difficult for me to go back, and I don't tell Henry that I know it.And, in fact, he didn't want me.He doesn't need me anymore. Mr. Sabaschin sighed, shook his head, and said, Sorry, Henry, but maybe it's for the best, everything happens for a reason, and maybe what this incident has to teach us is to let go of the past.Let go of the past, since the memories are all so sad, it is better to forget. So Henry turned and left, leaving us behind, and he walked down the stairs, into his car, and drove down hills with almost nowhere to go, past broken rose bushes and all the ghosts watching over him, out of Fremont forever Grand Hotel, all alone.Immediately I started thinking about him, but couldn't look any further, I closed my eyes and never opened them again.