Chapter 8 on the car

May 20, 1954 Night finally came.Thirsting for death, the Fleetline fished around every invisible turn, its headlights piercing the night.A bright moon and a sky full of stars are so far away, even if they shine, what's the use. Tapp was driving, with Collis sitting next to him, and Jack and Henry in the back.The DJ on the radio just changed the record, it was "Life could be a dream" by the Crew Cuts.Tap said: I love this song.He turned up the volume, asked everyone to keep quiet, and sang along while listening: Life can be like a dream as long as I can take you to heaven.He sings with all his heart, but never takes his foot off the gas pedal. This car is like his personal roller coaster.Earlier he said: I can drive even when I am asleep.He also laughed and asked everyone to see him let go of his hands at fifty miles an hour, and Henry even saw him close his eyes in the rearview mirror.Tapp's black suit blended into the night, and the faint green light of the dashboard reflected on his face, making him look like a ghost, as if he had only one head, floating in mid-air and laughing.

Now they were going sixty miles an hour, so fast that it was hard to turn a corner.Their bodies swayed back and forth like trees in a strong wind.When there is a pothole in the road, the car seems to fly, and so do the passengers in the car.If you like, you can take it as a prelude to some kind of feat and pretend that you're going to be in the air next.But in a short while, after the moment they had just risen, they fell hard, as if the earth reached out and grabbed them hard and would not let them go. Henry thought, If this had happened a long, long time ago, I would just want to fly!This word will do.As long as he thinks about the word flying, they will fly into the air.Henry can do it.He'd say: Guys, hold on to your hats!Then everyone, including Tap, Collis, Jack and Henry, will fly up and float across the silvery cold moon.Thinking of this, Henry couldn't help but smile.

But it hurts to smile, it hurts to blink, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to be in his skin.It was too difficult to calculate how many places were injured on his body, so he gave up.Now he is barely alive, not far from death.What is certain is that there is a bucket of blood loss; what is difficult to determine is how big the bucket is.He had never felt so light, his head was very light, his body was also light, and the pain was to such an extent that it turned into a kind of drunken pleasure, but he knew it must be due to excessive blood loss.It was rare for a man who had lost everything to have something left unlost, and it was a brand new loss.

After the song was over, Tap turned down the volume on the radio, thumped the dashboard hard, and said, Damn, that's a good song!He continued to sing with his voice pulled against the wind for a while, bouncing︱west︱hopping, singing so hard that he almost couldn't breathe.Collis, you like this song, right? Collis nodded and said that he loved that song, and he also loved the Little Flathead Band.They are a Canadian band.He said. I don't know why, as soon as these words came out, the two looked at Henry at the same time.Tapp laughed and thumped the dashboard again, and Henry found that he needed to thump things at any time.He said: Canada, Henry, that's where you're from, isn't it?Or somewhere as weird as that?Tapp smiled when he saw Henry staring at him in the mirror, and now they were like old friends.Tapp asked him: Well, how does it feel to be white again?

Henry didn't answer, he didn't know the answer.Even if he knew, he couldn't move his jaw to speak. It feels good, right?isn't it?When Jack said Collis, do you remember what Jack said?He said: "He's not black either.At the time, I thought he was crazy!Collis, you think so too, right? of course.Collis said. Tap said: But damn, he was right.Jack, how did you come up with this idea? Jack didn't answer either, he wasn't thinking about it.Tap made an S with one hand, and Henry fell to Jack, calling him back to the here and now.Jack said: I didn't think of it.I mean, he bled a lot, and I just wanted to wipe it off, and then, you know what happened next.

"It's a good story, no one will believe it, but it's a good story," Tap said. Henry wasn't sure if he had missed something, he didn't quite understand Tap's words.Every few minutes he fell into a coma, but it came and went so quickly that it was hard to tell what was going on.It felt as if the whole world had been ripped apart and then sewn back together, the little pieces never being put back together again.Something had changed, something was missing, but Henry couldn't figure out what it was all about. There was a dark pool of blood at his feet, and for a moment Henry watched intently the pool of blood running back and forth across the rubber floor mat, until Tapp yelled at a tree branch in the middle of the road, braked hard, and the blood flowed under the seat and was gone.Afterwards, the car returned to the original impossible high speed, but the blood never came back.

Jack said: "He didn't seem to be doing well.It was said so quietly that no one heard it, so I had to say it again.Henry doesn't seem to be doing well. Tap said impatiently: What?He didn't know whether he heard clearly, nor did he know whether he wanted to hear clearly. Jack said: "Henry is a little pale. Collis laughed and said: Are you joking?He turned to Jack and said: That's a joke, isn't it?He's pale because he's not black, right? wrong.Jack said: "I think he's pale because he's dying. Henry's eyelids kept trembling, like a pair of wings, like the wings of the bird that Jack saved, Henry remembered the ending of the story, the bird was finally killed by the cat.

Tapp wanted to understand the situation from the rearview mirror. He carefully studied Henry with his eyes, grasped the steering wheel with his left hand, and magically led them through the darkness.Tap really knows how to drive. Hey Henry!He seemed to want to wake him up, but Henry didn't say a word, just stared straight ahead with his eyes open, and just didn't speak.Tap looked at the road, and at the mirror.Henry, Henry, Henry!Big man, can you hold it?Tell me you can hold on, man!please!Give your new friend a laugh. Tapp couldn't stare at him for too long, because Henry's current appearance was unsightly.

Jack said: I don't think he thinks we're friends, Tap, we're the ones who look like him. Tap said: You son of a bitch, tell me more.I apologized to him, I told him nothing would have happened if he had known he wasn't a nigger.Do you think we are not sad?Jack, I feel terrible.You think I don't feel like an idiot?It was all a misunderstanding.But I couldn't help but keep thinking: Why did we think he was a nigger?Why?Because he looks like it! Collis said: Not bad at all, he looks like it. He can tell us, just tell us, like, he can tell us oh, I don't know, just let us know he's not a nigger!Jack, do you know what I mean?

The two brothers looked at each other in the mirror.Jack said: I know what you mean, it's almost like he wants us to do it. Tapp said: "As long as he can hold on, just hold on a little longer and we'll be home." Home?Jack said: What are we taking him home for?What he needs to go to is the hospital, Tap, look at him. He doesn't look too good.Tap took another look at Henry from the mirror.But I think we should go home and get off the car to see how his condition is, so that we can be more clear about what to do next.Tap laughed dryly.I did beat him pretty hard, but to be honest, there was a little bit of mercy in the end, and I didn't shoot him, so

Jack looked out the window.So you deserve a medal. I've had enough of your bullshit.Tap turned up the volume of the radio so as to drown out Jack's response and everything else.What is playing is Perry.Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes by Perry Como. Henry opened his eyes and found himself resting his head on Jack's shoulder. He didn't know how long it had been, all he knew was that his head was there, and Jack didn't move it away, which was good.For a while, Henry was in two places at the same time. He hadn't thought of Mariana for a long time, and now thinking of her made him feel lonely.But she always made him feel lonely, even when she was alive.No matter who he thought of, he felt lonely and unbearable.Going anywhere alone that you used to go with someone is very uncomfortable. Tapp glanced at Henry in the rearview mirror, and Henry looked at him too.He said: Dude, are you awake? Henry opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't utter a word.He originally wanted to say: I am not your buddy.But it can't be done.Now he can only smile. Tapp smiled back at him and said, "Look, Jack, there's still spirit in this man, and he can still laugh."I'm not a doctor, but I can tell he's doing well and will be fine. Jack looked at his shoulder. There was a large blood stain on the T-shirt, which was seeping from Henry's mouth.He asked: What are we going to do with him?Tap, we can't help him, let's take him to the hospital, maybe they can do something. Collis hummed the song all the way to the music and said: This is a really good song, old Perry can really sing, right? Tap nodded and said with a cigarette in his mouth: I want my mother to meet him. Collis asked: Perry.Como? Tap said: "I mean Henry, I want mum to meet Henry. Both Jack and Collis looked at Tap. They heard what Tap said, but they didn't understand what he was talking about. Jack said: You want mommy to see him? Tap nodded and said: I want him to do magic tricks for her to see. The road stretched straight forward and was as flat as a carpet. Henry found that they were driving on the concrete road, and saw several cars coming from the opposite direction roaring past like rockets. He heard Tapp mention magic tricks. Tap said she would be happy, you know, she would. Jack said: If so, maybe you shouldn't break his arm. Tap said: "I didn't break his arm. Collis said: I broke his arm, I'm sure it was me.He turned to look at Henry in the back seat, eyes as wide as bull's eyes, just as sad, and said: I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Jack said: Tap, what kind of magic do you want him to perform? Tap said: "I don't know.He looked at Henry from the rearview mirror and thought about it.Maybe just put on a show where you know which card your opponent is holding but pretend you don't and bluff your opponent. Collis said: That's what he used to bluff me. Tap nodded. Henry wanted to say: OK.But he could barely exhale a little air from his lips. It wasn't really a word, it was just a faint voice, but Tap heard it, and so did Kolis.Listen, he said yes!So Jack gave up, he was tired, it was hard work trying to keep things alive. Henry's eyes closed, opened, and closed like a door in the wind, and then seemed to be locked. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't open it again.As long as he wants to drive, he can drive, so he thinks so. Collis thought about something for a long time, and finally decided to make it public. This matter is a bit complicated, so he spoke slowly.If we killed him before we found out he wasn't a nigger, we'd think we killed a nigger.If so, how would we know the difference? Tap said: Collis, you're confusing me. "I'm just saying, if that's the case, we'll forever think we did something we didn't do," Collis said with a sigh.He thought about his thoughts again.I don't know how many more things like this are out there. Henry said: "That's pretty much everything. Tap, Collis, and Jack were all taken aback. They didn't expect Henry to be able to speak.Henry could only groan before, but he said this so firmly.His eyes were wide open, taking in everything like a baby.Then he said it again: That's how it is with almost everything.All of a sudden it was as if nothing had happened to him, all the pain in his body disappeared, and Henry felt fine, very fine.He survived.Could it be that his jaw wasn't cracked, his ribs weren't broken?The blood that flowed from his side like a stream was actually the same as the blood that was cut by the leaves when he and Hannah hid in the bushes outside the window of his mother when he was a child and watched her die.Could this be all his making up too?The car window on his side was ajar, and the damp cool wind was blowing on his face. He took a deep breath, and not only the cool wind was sucked into his body, but also others.That is life.Henry felt life from the air and wind filling his lungs, seeping back into his body.All the people he knew, the souls that had long since vanished, all gathered together for him, within him, trying to keep him alive.Before this moment of salvation came, he had hoped that he would die early, just like Kolis said, just die.Not because he wanted to die, he didn't want to die, he just didn't know why he wanted to live.But now there seems to be a reason.Perhaps that was not a specific reason, but a premonition that he would find a reason to live. Tap said: Jack, look, you stupid piece of shit!I just said he'll be fine.Jack ignored it.Tapp said again: You have to remember that what I say is almost always right, okay?You have to turn your brain around to me. Henry felt as if he heard the sound of Jack grinding his teeth, and looked down to see him rubbing the penny with the fingers of his left hand. Jack.Henry called to him in a low voice, his fingers reaching for his shoulders, and Jack took his fingers with his right hand and held them tightly, while with the other he rolled coins like rosary beads. Jack tossed and caught the coin. Ask him: which side?Henry, heads or tails?Jack didn't even look at the coin as he flipped it, and Henry didn't understand why he sounded angry at the volume he raised over the sound of the wind and the engine.Which side?Henry, heads or tails?black or white?Good or evil?Live or die?He couldn't wait for Henry's answer, so he let go of his fingers, stopped looking at him, and tossed the coin higher and higher again and again, until it finally touched the roof of the car and fell to the ground. Jack looked at him, and Henry could feel the anger in Jack's heart gradually dissipating, and finally there was only sadness.Everything was silent, and the radio was turned off. Tap and Kolis in the front seat looked ahead, beyond the windshield covered in insect corpses. It felt like a long, long time, and no one spoke. Henry saw a light, a bright white light. That's a street lamp. Tapp slowed down and said: Almost there. He was driving so slowly now that Henry could see the surrounding scene, they were passing through a small town, maybe Tap, Collis and Jack lived in the town.There are houses, people, dogs, flowers on the lawn, and wild lilies casting a shadow on the monkey grass, forming a beautiful scene of everyday life. Tap said: Then Henry, do you think you can do magic tricks for mom?Henry nodded.Tap laughed and said: It would be great if you could.I think she will like it very much.She had puppies before, I can't remember the name of the mongrel dog, he would stand on his hind legs like a circus dog, every time the dog danced she would laugh so hard, I never saw her so happy after that . Polly.Jack said: The dog's name is Polly. Tap said: That's right, it's Polly.Jack and Tap both think about the past.Henry thought Polly was a good dog name, really good.Tapp said to Henry: Don't screw up, okay?Just this once, be sure to succeed. Collis said: She is dying. Tapp punched Kolis hard, hard on the neck, Kolis bit his lip desperately, so he could not fight back.Damn you, Tap. Tap said: Don't say she's going to die, even if it's true.It gets worse the more you say it.You have no right to say such things, she is not your mother. Collis closed his mouth, as if he really had no right to beak. They pulled up in front of a house, Tap turned the engine off, and the car finally came to a standstill. Tap turned to Henry and said: We depend on you, okay?They are now friends.It's going to turn out well, it's going to work out, you just have to wait and see.This would make an old lady happy, can you say no? Henry wanted to shake his head, but the best he could do was show that he could hear Tap.Tap said to Jack: I'll go in first and help her sit on the chair.He took a few rags from the under-dash sundry drawer and tossed them to Jack.Help him clean up again, wipe off the black dirt on his face, and wipe off the blood.Tap frowned.What stinks so much?He looked at Henry and said: It looks like someone peed their pants.Well, shit, there's nothing we can do about it.He winked at Henry, smiled, then reached out and brushed Henry's face lightly, like a lover.He said: "Everything will turn out well, you just have to wait and see. and this.Collis put the three of hearts on Henry's lap.Maybe you will use it. Then Tap got out of the car, and Collis left with him, leaving only Jack and Henry sitting in the back seat. They looked at each other like they had known each other for a lifetime. Jack picked up a rag and started to walk along Henry Gently wipe the left corner of the eye, and slowly wipe the cheek.To Henry, Jack looked like a ghost, a saint, or an angel. Although it is useless to say it, I still have to say it.Jack took a deep breath and said: I'm sorry, I'm sorry about all of this, I didn't expect things to go this far, really, in a million years.Even if you're not what you know Even if you're not you, I don't think it's going to be this bad.There was a tender sadness in Jack's eyes, the look Henry had always seen in him.He was careful not to hurt Henry during the cleaning process, but it was inevitable that Henry would shrink back in pain, and Jack, who felt the same way, would also shrink back.He said: Some places are not easy to wipe off. Finally, he stopped, looked at Henry and shook his head and said: It can't be wiped off. Henry leaned his head back on the chair cushion. That position had a good view, and he could clearly see the world outside the window.What a nice view.There were several huge oak trees, with their leafy clouds like clouds, hanging over the house.Every corner is illuminated by street lamps, and under the lights, bats and flying insects rush in and out with muffled heads, as if they are dancing.The surrounding houses are small and simple, but the house should have all internal organs, porch, gate, windows, and warm lights in the house.There is anger everywhere.There was an old man wearing nothing but shorts, walked leisurely into his line of sight, and leisurely turned the corner, out of his sight, Henry guessed he was going for his nightly walk, the time was regular to you You can rely on him to match the watch.Henry thought to himself that there was a yellow cat on the old stone wall, so there really was a yellow cat lying on the old stone wall with its legs curled up under its body.And a man and a woman, very young, maybe a little younger than Henry, walking hand in hand.He looked at them and heard a girl laughing, but he couldn't see who was laughing, and he didn't know where it was coming from, except that somewhere in the world near him, a girl laughed. . Jack helped Henry straighten his shirt, wipe some of the dirt off his shoulders, suck a little blood, but it was a waste of time, Henry still looked like a beaten up man, not much better. Jack could only sigh. He said: "Okay, I think we should go in, and Mum will probably sit in a chair and wait."Don't worry about acting wrong, she can't see at all.Jack opened the door with one hand and gently pulled Henry with the other, but Henry didn't move. Henry was fascinated by the world, he didn't want to leave, he just wanted to watch forever.The girl's laughter, the old man walking, the couple holding hands, he thought to himself, this is how people should live.In the world he saw now, people lived so freely, it seemed as if the world had been created for them.And Henry suddenly thought of an important thing, that is: the world was indeed created for them, for him, for us, and that is why God created the world.Why did it take him so long to figure out such a simple thing?He is also part of this life, this world. Jack pulled him lightly, then pulled harder, but he didn't move.I can't hold you, Henry, you have to help me, okay?Henry? Henry had hallucinations. He felt that he could settle here and live in this town.He saw life unfold before his eyes.He'll get a job, it doesn't matter what he does, he'll find his own house, he'll plant flowers in the yard, he'll go for a walk before bed, he'll join the life that's in front of him.Of course, he was a stranger at first, it doesn't matter, everyone is a stranger at first, gradually everything will change.He would go for a walk, greet people on the street, stand and talk, and they would be friendly and warm. For example, the couple, he will meet them. The gentleman would smile and stretch out his hand, saying: You must be a newcomer.They would shake hands and take deep breaths of the evening air together.The gentleman would say: My name is Jim and this is my wife Sally.Henry would shake hands with her and smile, and then we would talk about the night, the weather, and the stars at night. They'd stand there for a while, and for a while, until Jim asked, What about you?which line do you do The vision stops here because Henry doesn't know how to answer.It must be wrong to say I don't know, but that's all he can think of. Henry.Jack grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him hard, trying to wake him up.But Henry wouldn't wake up, and his eyes wouldn't open again.Jack wanted to lift him out of the car, but he had never carried anything so heavy in his life, and he called him one last time: Henry. But Henry didn't even recognize the name.At least for now, he doesn't know Henry.Who is Walker.He knew it before, he must have known it, but it was a long, long time ago.Years ago, before everything, before the fuck and his dad and Hannah and the devil, in Tom.Before Hailey and Bakhari, before Dark Congo, before Mariana.Before Hua'er and Karstenbaum and others, he didn't have to do anything but think of Henry.Walker is fine.Think about Henry.Walker, Henry.Walker would appear, whoever he was, radiant, happy, alive, and beautiful. Think about Henry.Walker, just think of the name.As long as he does it, he will do it.Then, he will know. (End of the book)