Chapter 9 Chapter VII

You know what you need, right? I don't know, Lawrence, what do I need? rest. Lawrence didn't know what I needed.Standing in Jay & Jonah's office, looking out at where my desk used to be, it's weird.The office looked the same as usual, there was nothing special about the place, ironic for a company that specializes in designing offices.The only real draw is that it's tucked away in a back alley in the very middle of Soho, just a few minutes' walk from delis and markets.When I say the office looks the same as it always does, I mean it's the same except that all evidence of me is gone, it doesn't even look like someone has used my desk.The rest of the office looks like it has been meticulously rearranged, so the spot I used to be is now gone.

Carol led me into the office.That was also very strange, being led into his office by someone.I was not greeted with the usual nods and greetings.Some people looked at me up and down, some looked at me, and a new woman looked at me curiously, thinking I was a client, and she looked at me even more curiously after Andy leaned over and whispered something in her ear .Carol faltered and apologized that all my belongings had disappeared.She explained that it was boxed and stored in storage because someone would trip over it.God knows where the storage room is.My mail has been opened and either passed on to someone in the office or sent to Terry's place.But then again, that was my own arrangement, wasn't it?When I leave my job.I nodded blankly.

Are you okay?she asked. That's a big question.I don't know if she was just asking about my appearance.She did get a shock when I walked into the reception room in civilian clothes.The clothes that ordinary people wear, and then my hair.In addition, I have lost six or seven kilograms since the last time she saw it.Plus my face is still a little yellow from the bruises. I had a bad time the other day.I said. yes.Carol said, avoiding my eyes. Did the police come to the company?Ask about me? Yes, she said.She looked at me with a wary look.We are very worried about you. What are they asking?

They want to know about your employment at the company and why you left. How do you answer? They didn't ask me.They went to Lawrence to talk about it. What do you think? What's the meaning? About why I left. I didn't tell her that I didn't understand why I left and had no recollection of leaving.I was expecting to meet at least one person who didn't have to tell what happened to me.I don't think I can bear to see another face with increasing confusion.Should they pity me?Should they trust me? Carol looked thoughtful.I think you made the right choice, she said.You can't go on like this any longer.You are literally wearing yourself out.

So you think I made a wise choice? I envy you for having six months of vacation.I think that's brave. It shocked me again.six months.I also noticed her use of the word brave, using bravery to mean stupidity. No, you are looking forward to my return, right?I said it jokingly.She showed her guarded look again, and that really alarmed me.What did I want to do in the first place? Obviously things got a little rough in the end, she said.Some people said things they shouldn't have said. I'm always out of my mouth, I said, and what I really wanted to say was: What the hell is going on here?

I think you're roughly right, Carol said.The problem is always tone, right?and when to speak.I think it's also good that you come to the company to clear things up.By this time we had reached the door of Lawrence's office.By the way, she said, pretending to be casual: the police thing.That is how the matter? It's complicated, I say.Be in the wrong place at the wrong time. do you know Oh, that's all.Gossip has spread that I may have been sexually assaulted, or that it didn't really work out. No, that's not the case. Then I heard Lawrence.Jonah told me what I needed.That's embarrassing.At that point I decided not to reveal the details of my recent medical and psychiatric visits.Obviously my last few days at Jay & Jonah weren't great, and if I'm going to have any hope of turning back, I'll have to try not to make things worse.

Good idea, I say.In fact, I'm trying to get as much rest as possible. I don't need to tell you, Abby, how much you mean to us. It should be said, I said.The more you hear, the better. Lawrence.Jonah has forty-two suits.Once when he was having a party at home, a girl from the company wandered into his bedroom and took an inventory. There were three closets filled, all of them decent and gorgeous.That was a year ago, maybe more now.While talking, he caressed the dark green costume he wore today, as if it was a pet lying on his lap. We are all worried about you.He said. I also used to worry about myself.

First, we have to uh, I have to start all over again. Oh please, just start over, I said to myself.If the apples don't fall by themselves, I'll have to shake the tree. One of the things I want to make sure, I said in a hurry: is that everything is still fine from your point of view. We are all on the same side.Lawrence said. That's polite talk. Yes, but I want to know exactly how you feel about it.I mean I'm on unpaid leave.I want to hear your impressions. Lawrence frowned.I'm not sure it's appropriate to bring up old stories.I'm not mad anymore, I promise.Now I can see clearly that you have been overworked for quite some time.It was my fault.You're so productive, so efficient, I'm wearing you out.I think if we didn't have conflicts over the project of Avalanche, we would also have conflicts over other cases.

that's all? If you mean, have I forgiven you for berating some clients after taking unpaid leave or running around London trying to get them to complain to the company.Then my answer is yes, I almost forgive you.Look, Abby, I don't want to sound like a character from the Godfather movie, but I really don't think you should stand with your customers against the company.If you feel that the quality of the consultation they receive is not good or the fee is too high, you can come to me to negotiate, instead of reporting to them in private behind my back.But I think we've come to an agreement on that.

When, well I mean, I just wonder to myself when did I complain?I don't need to ask what I'm complaining about: I remember the Avalanche project vividly, and I know what it is. Don't you mean to dig up the scars and have another fight, we're almost healed? no no.I just can't figure out the date, that's all.My diary is here, and I can't go on because I don't know how to justify myself. Let's stop with that sad story, shall we?Lawrence said. I left on Friday, right?Eleventh, Friday. right. Then I complain to the person, uh I wait for him to intervene. after the weekend.I can't remember the date myself.I only found out about it after receiving two letters from lawyers.You can imagine how disheartened I was.

Indeed, I say.Can I access the archives of Project Avalanche? What are you doing?It's all over.Don't bother yourself. Lawrence, I promise I won't cause any trouble again.But I'd like to talk to a few people connected to that case. You should have their phone number. I'm afraid I'm in a mess right now.I have moved. You mean you moved out? Yes. So sorry to hear that.You can ask Carol for any information you need.Now he looked even more worried.I don't want to be nosy.But like I said, we're all worried about you.I mean, your problems with the company, you broke up with Terry, and the police came to check.Is there anything we can do?Shall we help arrange where to go for you? I froze for a moment and then couldn't help laughing. You think I'm drinking or doing drugs?I said.I hope so.I leaned in and kissed Laurence's forehead.Thank you.Lawrence, I have one or two things to clear up before I get back to you. I opened the door of his office. Listen, he said: if there's anything we can do I shake my head.Just listening to your words makes me feel that you have done everything you can to me.I wish I wasn't so difficult to deal with before.I changed my mind.I might as well say that I've been transformed into a different person, but that might sound like I'm trying to pass the buck. Lawrence looked puzzled, and it was no wonder he was. I'm going to Kahlo for the files on the avalanche project. Are you serious?she says. Why not? She looked suspicious.I can't tell either.she says. That case is done. yes, but Just a few days, I said.I will be very careful. She began to give in.Maybe it's because she is eagerly looking forward to handing it over to me, and I will leave. Do you want those pictures too? Just correspondence. She took out a stack of files and gave me a plastic shopping bag to pack them in. One more thing, I say.Has anyone called the company to find me in the past few days? Carol found two sheets of paper with names and phone numbers on her desk.Only fifty or sixty people.Most of them are old faces.Would you like to give me a phone number so I can pass it on to them? don't want.It's very important not to give anyone my number, no matter who it is. OKAs she spoke, she seemed surprised by my hasty tone. I thought, I'll just take the phone numbers with me.You don't need them, do you?I folded the two sheets of paper and put them in my back pocket.I will keep in touch with you.And one last thing. What? What do you think of my hairstyle? Showy enough, she said.Maybe a bit too exaggerated, but it's cool. Does that make me look like a different person?I said. I don't even recognize you.Uh, I didn't recognize it at first. Very good.As I spoke, she looked worried again. I sat in the car trying to figure it out.Avalanche project.I felt like I was on a new planet, a new misty planet. What the hell do I know?The people at Jay and Jonah saw me as a mentally and physically traumatized psycho.I left my job, at least temporarily, after a big fight; I also broke up with my boyfriend; I spent the next few days visiting people involved in the project, apparently to encourage them to file complaints about our company's treatment of them; and I met another ruthless lunatic.Or could that be someone I've known for a long time?impossible.is it possible? I have an image of a wild animal in the wilderness.I want to find a hiding place, but I don't know which direction to run.Some people don't know what happened to me, others don't believe what happened to me.But there is one person who knows what I say is true.where is heI unconsciously looked around and shuddered.Maybe I can escape to the ends of the earth and never come back.Australia, Arctic.No, hopeless.How do I get started with immigration?What are the relevant procedures?Or should I just pick a holiday and go to Australia first, and then hang on?Sounds unlikely. I pull out the delivery receipt from the glove compartment.2B Menor Street, North West London.That means nothing to me.One possibility was that the receipt had been left by someone else and had nothing to do with me; or that it might have been his residence.But as soon as the idea popped into my head I knew I had to go there. This day became the longest day of my life.I looked at the markings on the map, not far from here.And I look like a different person.I could pretend I was in the wrong place; or I might be wasting my time. The house was on the second floor of a neat stucco house off Conton Street.I found a metered parking spot and slipped a coin in, which allowed me to park for thirty-six minutes.That residence has its own entrance on the side of the ground floor.I stood in front of the house and took a deep breath, then leaned into the car and found the sunglasses from the glove compartment.Putting it on like this made the winter night even darker than a cemetery, but it made my disguise better.If a woman answers the door, I'll have a nice chat with her.If it is a man to answer the door, I will take safety as the principle.I would say: Sorry, I must have looked in the wrong place.Then resolutely turned around and left.People are coming and going on the street, I should be safe and sound. But no one answered the door.I rang the doorbell again, and again.I can hear the doorbell ringing, far away in the house.When the doorbell rings in an empty house, you can probably hear it. I took the car keys out of my pocket and shook them in my hand.I can find another household in this building.But what should I ask?I walked back to the parking lot, and the meter said I had thirty-one minutes left, what a waste.I opened the glove compartment and put the delivery receipt back.Between the logbook, a booklet, a Royal Flying Club membership card, etc., lay the key, the one that wasn't the key to my original residence. I thought it was ridiculous, took the key and walked back to the house.I pushed the key lightly into the keyhole and opened the door in disbelief.I pushed the door a little further and saw a pile of mail, and I picked up one of them.Zou Sefen.amber.Never heard of it, she's obviously away from home.There are stairs, I slowly climb up.Even if I walked through the wall, it didn't feel so weird.I looked inside and saw thin strips of pine, pictures, photographs tacked to the wall in the entrance hall, photographs I couldn't identify, brightly colored.I close the door.Yes, I could smell the musty smell of no one living there, something rotting away somewhere. I have no memory of the street, the houses, and I've never even been in the area.But I have the key to the door in my car.And when I walked into the living room and turned on the light, I found that there was nothing but Zou Sefen.Amber's picture, table, rug, outside the sofa, my stereo, my TV, my book.Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, but I just feel like I'm passing out.I sat back heavily in the chair.my chair.