Chapter 17 Chapter fifteen

As I see it in the night, Ben.Brody lived in a decent house, near the park, with wide streets lined with tall trees and empty, leafless branches swaying in the streetlights. Or you just wait in the car while I get something?You look worn out. He opened the door and I got into the passenger seat.It was freezing inside the car and the windows were frosted.It was an empty, rather neat car, save for a box of tissues and an atlas on the floor.I huddled in my thick jacket, breathed curls into the cold air, and waited.A light came on in an upstairs room of Ben's house, then went out again a few minutes later.I looked at the clock on the dashboard, it was almost two o'clock.I asked myself what I was doing here, in the middle of the night, in a part of London I had never been to, in the car of a man I didn't know well.I can't find a reasonable answer other than to say that I'm on the verge of breaking down.

We can hit the road. Ben opened the door.He was wearing jeans, a thick spotted sweater, and an old leather jacket. What did you take? A flashlight, a blanket, some oranges and chocolates to eat on the way.The blanket is for you to use, and I will cover it for you while lying on the back seat. I did not protest.I climbed into the backseat and lay down, and he covered me with a thick blanket.He started the engine and turned on the heat.I lay with my eyes open as we drove up the road.I see fleeting street lights, tall buildings, stars, trees, an airplane in the distant sky.I close my eyes.

During this long drive I woke up, and at one point I heard Ben humming to himself a song I hadn't heard before.Another time I struggled to sit up and looked out the window. It was dark and night, and I couldn't see any light as far as I could see, and there were no vehicles that would meet us.Ben didn't say a word, but he handed me some chocolates, and I ate them slowly, and then I lay down again, and I didn't want to talk. We stopped at a garage for gas at 5:30.It's still dark, but I can see a gray patch on the horizon.It seemed to be getting colder and I could see the snow on the top of the mountain.Ben came back with two cups of coffee in plastic cups. I climbed to the front seat and dragged the blanket along with him. He handed me a cup, and I wrapped my hands around the cup to keep warm.

With creamer, no added sugar.He said. How did you guess it? We had coffee together. oh.How far is it? It's not far away.The house was about a mile from the coastal village of Casselton.If you want to know the location, you may wish to look at the map at your feet.I may still have to let you give me directions. Do you think she'll be over there? He shrugged.It is inevitable to have pessimistic thoughts in the wee hours of the morning. It's almost dawn, and you must be tired too. Not that serious.Will get tired later, I think. During your meeting. possible. If you want me to drive, I can cooperate.

I'm not insured, you gotta talk to keep me sane. I do my best. We have passed Stonehenge.I almost wanted to wake you up, but we'll go back the way we came. I haven't visited yet. No way? I'm really a ignorant frog in a well.I've never visited Stonehenge, or Shakespeare's birthplace, Stratford, Hampton Court Palace or the Tower of London, or Bridensea.I have never been to Scotland.Haven't even been to the Lake District.I was planning to go to Venice, I already bought the ticket and everything is ready.I was in a cellar with a rag in my mouth when I was supposed to set off for Venice.

You will make it someday. maybe. What is the most tragic situation?he asked after a moment's pause. I looked at him, and he looked at the road ahead and the endless mountains.I took a sip of coffee.I was about to tell him I couldn't talk about it, and then I thought that Ben was the first person since I escaped barefoot that didn't look at me suspiciously or warily.He didn't see me as wretched or insane, so I tried to answer.I don't know, I can't tell.Hearing his wheezing, knowing he was with me, thinking I was suffocating without breathing, drowning in my own shell.That's nasty as I try to come up with a more apt word.Maybe it was just waiting in the dark and knowing I was going to die.It's not in my own life that I try to focus on something so that I don't go mad because I feel like that would be further self-torture and lead to madness due to loneliness and fear.Actually, just sights, like the ones I mentioned to you.A beautiful sight outside.Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I still think about those images.But I know I'm worn out, I'm losing myself, and that's the point or, at least, I think that's the point.The bits and pieces that shaped me will wear away and I will be a muttering, disheveled, dirty, humiliated corpse on a platform.I stopped suddenly.

Why don't you peel an orange for us each?Right in the bag between us. I peeled two oranges, and the smell of oranges filled the car, and my fingers were sticky with the juice.I handed him his, one petal at a time.look, he said.The sea is over there. The misty waves of silver ripples are endless, but the water waves are not happy.The sea and sky are the same color, and it is impossible to tell where the sea water ends and the dawn sky begins. Except for the east, the rising sun has already burst into a faint twilight. Tell me where to turn, he said.It's almost time to turn. We turned right and followed a backlit path downhill to the coast.Then go left again, following a narrower road.

Here it is, I thought.Ben said, looking ahead. There is a closed gate and a path ahead.I got out of the car and opened the door, and then closed the door after Ban drove the car in. Do Zou's parents come here often? Very few.He's too sick, and it's not a mansion.So they've always been great for people to use.Just the basics, no heating or anything, and it's starting to look dilapidated.But you can see the sea from the bedroom, it's over there. The villa was small, made of gray stone, with thick walls and narrow windows.The roof tiles had been blown off by the wind, and the debris was scattered around the front door, looking desolate and abandoned for a long time.

There are no cars here, Ben said.No one is here. Anyway, you should check it out. I think so too.He sounded listless.I opened the door and got out of the car, and he followed suit.We walked across the icy grass.I walked towards a window and pressed my face against the pane, but couldn't see much.I shake the handle, but of course the door is locked. We have to go in. Why bother?You can also tell that no one has been there. You drove four hours to get here.what should we do?Smash a window? I can manage to climb to an upstairs window.He said with a skeptical tone. How to get up?Also, the windows appeared to be locked.Why not break that broken window?We can patch it up later.

Before he could object, I took off the scarf, wrapped it around my fist, and punched the cracked glass quickly and hard, pulling my hand back to avoid cutting my wrist as soon as I saw it was smashed.I'm quite proud of how it's done in the movies.I pulled out the shards of glass that remained in the pane one by one, and placed them in a heap on the grass.Then I reached into the window and opened it. If I stand on your back, I can climb in.I tell Ben. Instead, he wrapped his two big hands around my waist and lifted me high towards the window.I still have vivid memories of being carried off the platform in the cellar, and for a moment I thought I was going to suffocate or scream hysterically.By this time, however, I had climbed indecently through the window and into the kitchen.I turned on the light, noticed that the fireplace was filled with wet ashes, and opened the front door to let Ben in.

We inspected the entire house in silence.It didn't take much time. There is only one bedroom and a storage room upstairs, and there is a kitchen-living room and a bathroom downstairs.The bed was a mess, the water heater wasn't on, and the place was cold and deserted. It was a waste of time.Ben said dejectedly. We must come. maybe.He poked at the ashes with the toe of his boot.I hope she's okay. I treat you to breakfast, I said.There must be shops by the sea that serve hot food.You need to rest and eat something before you drive back. We boarded the car and drove through the village of Casselton, where there is only a post office and a pub to the next town.We found a small restaurant, probably full of tourists in summer, but now it's empty.The shop is open and also serves English breakfast.I ordered us each a special of sausage, eggs, bacon, mushrooms, roasted tomatoes and fritters and a large pot of coffee.We ate the oily and filling meal in silence. We're going to be on the road if you want to make it to your meeting.I said after taking my last bite. We were reticent on our return journey.There are more cars on the road, and it is even more congested when approaching London.Ben kept eyeing the clock anxiously. You can let me get off at any subway station.I said, but he walked me straight to the front door, and even got out of the car to watch me go to the door. Goodbye, I say goodbye with embarrassment.Our long journey together has already seemed a bit dreamlike.Let me know what's going on, okay? Of course, he said.His face was tired and downcast.When her parents come back from vacation, I will contact them immediately.There's nothing I can do before then, right?And maybe she went with them. I hope your meeting goes well. He looked down at his clothes and forced a smile.I'm not doing well, are I?Forget it, goodbye.He hesitated for a moment as if on the verge of speaking, then changed his mind and turned back to the car.