Chapter 11 Merry Christmas ①

(①Original title: Merry Christmas.) Tokyo, showing a kind of mournful vitality.When I was still hesitating whether to start with this sentence, I obviously went back to Tokyo after a long trip abroad. However, life in Tokyo, which has not changed at all, came into my eyes as always. For the past year and three months, I lived temporarily in my hometown in Tsugaru. It was not until mid-November this year that I moved back to Tokyo with my wife. It felt like I had just finished a two- or three-week small trip. The long-lost Tokyo is neither better nor worse. This kind of urban personality cannot be changed.Of course, there are indeed physical changes, but as far as the metaphysical temperament is concerned, this city is still the same as before, and there is not much change, unless all the idiots are dead to be saved.It would be great if it could be changed a little bit, no, I think it should be changed.

I wrote this in a letter to a friend in the country, and I still haven’t changed much. I usually wear two thin coats of Kurume Kasuri ②, wandering back and forth in the streets and alleys of Tokyo. (②High-quality dyed patterned cotton produced by the Kurume Domain in Fukuoka Prefecture during the Edo period.) At the beginning of December, I went to a movie theater in the suburbs of Tokyo (it is more appropriate to say that it is a movie theater, it is more appropriate to say that it is a mobile cabin, it is a simple and cute small room), went in and watched an American movie, and left from there At that time, it was almost six o'clock in the evening, and the streets of Tokyo were shrouded in the evening mist like white smoke. In the mist, black figures were bustling and busy, and there was a strong atmosphere of New Year's Eve everywhere.Life in Tokyo really hasn't changed at all.

I went into the bookstore, bought a collection of operas by famous Jewish authors, and put them in my pocket.When I inadvertently looked towards the exit of the bookstore, I suddenly saw a young girl standing there looking at me as if the moment before the bird took off.She opened her small mouth slightly, as if speaking to me, but she didn't make a sound. A premonition that I don't know whether it is good or bad flashed through my mind. In the past, I was always used to flirting outside, but now I have no interest in women at all, if I meet a woman I have played with before, it will be a big disaster.According to my personal experience, there are quite a few women who act like that.No, it should be said that almost all women are like that.

In Shinjuku, that would be troublesome for her.Or the other one? Mr. Kasai.She called my name in a low voice, and bowed slightly to salute me. She wears a green hat with a knotted tie at the chin, and a red raincoat.Looking at it, she became younger and younger in front of me, as if she had become a girl of twelve or thirteen years old, overlapping with a certain image in my memory. It turned out to be Jing Jiangzi. lucky. Come on, come on.Or, do you have any magazines you want to buy? No.I'm here to buy a book called Ariel, and I've already bought it. She and I walked out of the bookstore and walked on the streets of Tokyo near the end of the year.

You've grown up, and I didn't recognize you for a moment. As expected of Tokyo.Actually encountered this kind of thing. I bought two bags of Nanjing beans with 10 yuan each from the peddler, put away my wallet, thought about it, then took out my wallet and bought another bag.Recalling that in the past, when I visited the child's mother, I always bought some souvenirs to bring to her. (③Peanuts with thin skin left after shelling.) Her mother was the same age as me.And she's one of the very few, nay, no, the only ones I can remember of so many women who wouldn't terrify or confuse me if I had an unexpected reunion on the road.how to say?Now there are four hypothetical answers, which I list below.

If it is said that she was born in a noble family, she has beauty but is weak and sick, just thinking of sitting upright is annoying, so it is unlikely that she will become the only person in my mind based on such conditions.If it is said that after separating from the rich husband, he suddenly lost his support and rented an apartment with his daughter with the little savings left, it seems that it is not a reason, because I am not interested in the stories that happen to women, like On what grounds did you separate from your rich husband?How much is the little savings left?I don't want to know at all.Even if you hear it, you will forget it immediately.Maybe it's because I was teased too much by women before, but now whenever I hear a woman tell me how miserable my life experience is, I always feel that what the other party said is all nonsense, and I don't even have a tear.That is to say, I will not assume that this woman will be the only person in my heart just because of her good family background, beauty, or poor experience later, these seemingly so-called romantic conditions.

The real answer is the following four points.First, she pays attention to cleanliness. After going out and returning home, she will wash her hands and feet first in the porch.Even though he was down and out, he still lived in a two-bedroom apartment, and cleaned every corner of the house from time to time, and even the utensils in the kitchen were as bright as new.Second, she never felt sexual love for me, and I never felt love for her.As far as sexual desire is concerned, those who are at a loss, unpleasant troubles, deliberate or self-indulgent, trying to seduce the other party, or sing a one-man show by themselves, like this for ten years or a thousand years, I feel nothing new Fortunately, the war between men and women never happened.What I observed was that this woman, even after separation, still loved her ex-husband.Buried in the bottom of my heart was the idea of ​​being proud to be his wife.Third, this woman is very observant about my affairs.She knew that I was bored to the point of being unbearable about everything in the world, and my sexual desire was particularly strong at this time.Even if all the things she listed were boring, I still think it's pretty powerful.Every time I visit her, I always have a great time chatting with the topics around me.I also talked about that no matter what age, people will be killed once they tell the truth, such as John the Baptist and Jesus Christ. However, for some reason, John has not been resurrected.There is no mention of Japanese surviving writers.The fourth point, and perhaps the most important point, is that in this woman's apartment, there is a rich wine collection at all times.Although I don’t think I’m a stingy person, whenever I’m in a hotel where I’m in debt and feel depressed, and I want to drink on a whim, my feet will involuntarily go to the place where I can drink my fill for free.Even if the war never ends and Japan is running short on alcohol, just go to that apartment and there is bound to be alcohol to drink.So I would always bring my daughter something disrespectful as a souvenir, and then come home drunk.The above four points are the answer to why this woman is the only person in my mind.

If someone asks me: Is this the form of love between the two of you?I would play dumb and perfunctory the other party and say maybe it is.If the intimate communication between a man and a woman is regarded as a relationship, then the situation between me and her can be regarded as it.This woman never bored me, and she couldn't be bothered to do a little drama. Where is your mother?It's still the same. Um. Are you not sick? Um. Jing Jiangzi still lives with his mother? Um. Is your home not far from here? Yes, but the house is messy. I don't mind, why don't I visit your house now.By the way, pull your mother out and have a good drink at a restaurant nearby.

Um. The girl's expression seemed to be a little downcast, and she staggered when she walked.This girl was born when her mother was eighteen years old, and her mother was thirty-eight years old like me. If so, she should be born this year. I presumed that she was probably jealous of her mother, for sure.I changed the subject. Ariel? It's unbelievable.Out of my expectation, she started talking. When I first entered the girls’ school, Mr. Kasai came to our house to play. I remember it was summer. When you chatted with your mother, you mentioned the word Ariel many times. Although I don’t know what you are talking about, the amazing thing is that I always remember it. thing.

She suddenly spoke with great enthusiasm, and at the end of the sentence, she suddenly stopped talking. She walked for a while without saying a word, and only left a sentence: "That's my real name." I also guessed to myself that her mother did not fall in love with me, and I would not have lust for her mother. However, if I were a daughter, I might have a different idea. Her mother is a person who insists on eating good food to survive even when she is down.On the eve of Japan’s war against Britain and the United States, she took her daughter and fled to a place with a lot of delicious food near Hiroshima. After the escape, I received a postcard from her from Hiroshima. At that time, my life was very difficult, and I had no way to reply to the letter. For those who live a leisurely life later, the matter of replying letters has been put on hold.During this period, my living environment continued to change. Five years ago, I finally cut off all communication with their mother and daughter.

Just tonight, after five years, I never thought her daughter would meet me again. I like my mother more or my daughter, who do I like more?For me, I always feel that the love for my daughter is purer and deeper than the love for my mother.If this is the case, I have to make a clear distinction between my preferences from now on, and it is impossible to equally distribute my preferences to the mother and daughter.From tonight, I will betray the girl's mother and become the girl's playmate.I don't care if the mother looks disdainful, because the girl will be my prisoner. When did you guys move here?Let me ask her instead. October of last year. That's it, isn't it not long after the end of the war?A woman who does her own way like Jing Jiangzi's mother knows that she cannot endure the days of staying in the country forever. I used the tone of a ruffian, slightly offending her mother, in an attempt to win my daughter's favor.Women, no, humans, even parents and children compete with each other. However, the daughter did not laugh.It seems that whether it is praise or derogation, it is a big taboo to mention the mother in front of the daughter.Such strong jealousy, I drew conclusions in my heart without authorization. What a coincidence to meet you.I casually changed the subject. As if you picked the right time, you were standing in that bookstore waiting for my arrival. Really!she says. Next, it must be difficult to resist the temptation of my sweet words. I struck while the iron was hot, and continued: I went to a movie to pass the time and went to that bookstore about exactly five minutes before the appointed time See a movie? Yes, I go to the movies once in a while.It's a circus tightrope movie, with entertainers playing the roles of entertainers, and it's really good.No matter how bad an actor is, as long as he pretends to be an entertainer, the performance will be good.In the final analysis, because it is an artist.The artist's sadness will be revealed unconsciously. The topic between lovers seems to be limited to movies.It just so happens to be an obnoxious fit. I also watched the movie you mentioned. Once they met, the two of them would rush in like waves and then separate again.Making love is like this, what a wonderful feeling.After the ups and downs, even if they are separated forever, it is a common thing in life. If you can't utter disgusting sentences like this casually, you won't be able to catch up with young girls as lovers. If I had walked out of that bookstore one minute earlier, and you had walked into that bookstore the next minute, we might never, no, at least not meet each other in ten years. I tried my best to deliberately create a romantic atmosphere for the encounter tonight. The narrow, dark and muddy road made it difficult for the two of us to walk side by side.The girl walked ahead, and I stuck my hands in the pockets of my two-piece smock and followed her. Already halfway?Or is it a ④?I ask her. (④The measurement unit used in Japan in the past, one cho is about 109 meters.) Well, I don't know how long a dime is. In fact, I don't know, I have no idea about the measurement of distance.But stupidity is the taboo of love.I had no choice but to pretend to be a scientist and say: Is there a hundred meters? do not know. If it is converted into meters, it may be more realistic.One hundred meters is half a ding.I told her, but I felt uneasy. After trying to calculate in my head, a hundred meters is about one ding.However, I didn't correct it, because the sense of humor is also a taboo in love. It's almost there, though, and it's there. It is a rather gorgeous apartment-style building with a black exterior.Go through the dim corridor, and come to the door of the fifth or sixth room on the left, where there is a sign that says Battlefield, which is the nobleman's surname. Miss Array!I called loudly into the house. I did hear the sound of someone answering the door, and then, the frosted glass on the door, there seemed to be a shadow moving. Ah, someone is there, someone is there.I say so. The daughter stood there blankly, her face was pale, her lower lip was crooked in an ugly way, and she burst into tears. It turned out that her mother had died during the Hiroshima air raid.It is said that she was still calling Mr. Kasai's name before she died. The daughter returned to Tokyo alone. A relative on the mother's side was a member of Congress from the Progressive Party, and it was said that she worked in that person's law firm. It's a little hard to tell about my mother's death. I don't know what to do, so I have to bring you here first.The daughter finally spoke out what was in her heart. Only then did I realize that whenever I talked about my mother, Jing Jiangzi's face would suddenly sink, and this was the reason.Neither jealousy nor love. We didn't enter the house, so we turned back and came to a lively place near the station. My mother liked to eat eels during her lifetime. We walked through the noren in front of the Unagi shop. welcome! Among the guests, we were the only ones eating standing up, and a gentleman was sitting at the back of the shop drinking wine. Do you want a big skewer?Or small skewers? Small skewers, come for three people. OK, right away. The young shopkeeper seems to be a real Edo person.He looked at the barbecue stove with a certain posture, while raising the fire. Serve them separately in small dishes for me. Okay, how about another guest?Later on? Aren't there three people here?I said it seriously, without a smile. Huh? There is another person between this lady and me, don't you see a beautiful woman with a worried face here?This time I explained to the other party with a smile. The young shop owner seemed to understand a little bit what I said. Ah, it's crooked.The owner of the store said while laughing and adjusted the strap around his head with one hand. This, is there?I used my left hand to show the shopkeeper how I pretended to be drinking from a cup. We have top-notch alcohol.No, not top class. Come three cups.I said. There are three small skewers of dishes lined up in front of us.The plate in the middle did not move, and we each used chopsticks to pick up the Kabayaki eel skewers on the plates on both sides. Not long after, three glasses filled with wine were lined up in front of us. I lifted the glass on the side and drank it down. Cheers. I said in a small voice that only Shizuko could hear. Then he raised his mother's cup to drink it up, and then took out the three bags of Nanjing beans he bought earlier from his bosom.Also said in a low voice: Tonight, I want to drink a little more, so you can chew peanut beans with me and drink slowly. Jing Jiangzi nodded, and for the rest of the time, we didn't say a word or anything. I drank four or five glasses in succession in silence. The gentleman at the back of the shop, taking the owner of the eel house as the object of conversation, began to make a lot of noise there.Frankly speaking, the content was quite boring, and he said a lot of bad, meaningless nonsense, and only he himself laughed, and the shopkeeper also laughed in agreement.He said something, that's it, and then he blushed and did it, like apples are so cute, if he understood this kind of mood, he would do it, wow ha ha ha, that guy has a very good mind, what do you say? Tokyo Station is his house, so he really lost to him. I said that the Marunouchi building is the house where my little wife lives. This time it is the other party's turn to bow down and say such jokes that are not funny at all, not funny at all, I'm even more annoyed by the lack of humor among Japanese drunks these days.No matter how the gentleman and the shopkeeper joked with each other, here they were drinking wine without even a smile, staring blankly at the crowd of people passing by the eel house near the end of the year. The gentleman suddenly met my gaze, and then, looking at the crowd outside the shop like me, suddenly called out Merry Christmas loudly because an American soldier happened to pass by here. I don't know why, but the gentleman's funny tone made me burst out laughing. The American soldier listened, turned his head and showed a surprised expression, then turned around and strode away. Eat this skewer of eels. I picked up the chopsticks and picked up the remaining eel in the middle plate. Um. One and half of us. Tokyo is still the same as before, nothing has changed.