Chapter 6 The sixth psychological consultation

Yesterday, I went to the church to sit for a while, not to pray because I don't believe in religion, but just to go in and have a quiet time.Before the kidnapping, I'd walked past that church a thousand times without ever noticing it.Our family didn't go to church very often, my mom and stepdad used to practice Lazy Sunday mornings.But in the past few months, I have been in that church two or three times.The old church has the atmosphere of a museum, and it has a style that has gone through vicissitudes and never falls.Not sure why, but I also appreciate the stained glass windows.If you want me to talk about the truth, I can say that although the glass is broken in pieces, it can piece together such a colorful beauty, and I am very moved when I see it.Fortunately, I don't have that deep connotation.

That church is usually empty, thank God, but even if there were, they wouldn't strike up a conversation with me, let alone look me in the eye.Even if the other party looks over, I will not look over. The pervert beat me unconscious. When I woke up, my whole body hurt, and it took me a long time to look up and look around.A nauseating feeling ran through my body.Every time I took a breath, I felt a burning pain in my right chest.One eye was swollen shut, and the vision in the other was blurry, but I could make out the outlines.I can't see him.He either slept on the floor or outside the house.I lay still.

The toilet is calling me, but I don't know if I can climb that far, and what's more, I'm afraid that he will catch me if I don't pee according to the schedule.I must have passed out again because all I could remember when I woke up was a dream of me running on the beach with Luke and the two dogs.When I came back to my senses and understood my situation, I cried. My bladder is so full that if I hold it any longer, I'm sure I'll wet the bed.God only knows which would make him angrier, breaking the rules or wetting the bed.I refused to put on that dress again, so I crawled into the bathroom naked.Every few seconds, I would pause, wait for the black spot in front of me to disappear, and then climb a few centimeters, moaning in pain as I climbed.He must have been delighted to hear that.

I was afraid of being hit by him when I sat on the toilet, so I squatted into the bathtub and urinated against the spout.I lean my head against the side wall, try to breathe just the right amount of air that doesn't hurt, and pray I don't die in the tub.Finally I crawled back into bed and passed out again. My head hurts, but it feels like distant throbbing, like background noise.I still don't know where the pervert is, and my mind is filled with horrific images of him kidnapping Christina.I can't scare him, I just hope he doesn't go straight to Christina for it. I don't know how long I've been on the edge of consciousness, but I know I've been dizzy for at least a whole day.When I regained some strength, I came to the door, which was still locked.hateful.I stuck my head under the faucet to wash off what was sticky on my face, probably blood, and drank my fill.As soon as the cold water poured into my stomach, I grabbed the sink and vomited.

When I was finally able to move around without being dizzy, I explored the cabin again, fingering cracks and bolts.I stood on the kitchen counter and kicked at the window panel so hard that I nearly tore a muscle in my leg, but didn't leave a dent.I was beaten up badly, and I can't remember the last time I ate, but I'm willing to take the risk and try to escape into the mountains, but I can't escape this damn cabin anyway. In order to record the number of missing days, I pulled out the bed against the wall and used my nails to make slight indentations in the wooden wall.If there is light coming through the small hole in the bathroom wall, I guess it's morning.If it's dark, I'll wait for the hole to light up, then add another dent in the wall.

After he left me alone, I already had two more.In order to maintain a schedule similar to that of a pervert, I only went to the toilet when I couldn't hold it back, and I only squatted in the bathtub while listening to the sound with my ears up.I wanted to take a bath, but I was afraid that he would run into me just in time when I came home, so I omitted both showers and tubs.When the hunger was unbearable, I satiated my hunger with a full stomach of tap water. I imagined that my relatives and friends must be holding a candlelight prayer meeting for me, and I also imagined that all my friends would unite, either to have a meeting to discuss big plans, or to distribute leaflets with my smiling face on them.My mom must be going crazy.I can see her sitting at home crying, probably not forgetting that her poignant and tragic dress is very suitable for her look.Neighbors would come by with baking trays, Aunt Val would answer the phone, and my stepfather would hold Mom's hand and reassure her that she was going to be okay.I wish someone could say the same about me.Why hasn't anyone found me yet?Are you giving up?I've never heard of someone missing for weeks and finally found.Unless the missing person becomes a dead body.

Maybe Luke was on TV begging me to come home.Shouldn't the police interrogate him?Isn't the boyfriend always the prime suspect when things like this happen?The police should be hunting down the pervert, but they're probably wasting their time on Luke right now. I worry about Emma and don't know who is taking care of her.Her stomach and intestines are sensitive, I wonder if she has eaten the wrong dog food?Will someone take her for a walk?What I want to know most is whether she thought she was abandoned by me.Thinking of this, I can't help crying. To comfort myself, I played the past as a selfie movie in my head, starring Luke, Emma, ​​and Christina.I kept pressing the pause, rewind, and repeat buttons.In Kristina's case, my favorite scene is when we eat candy and giggle.Last Halloween, she came over to play Scrabble at my house, and I bought bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters who came to the door.The troublemaker hasn't come to the door yet, but we decided to open a pack to treat ourselves.After eating one pack, open another pack, then the third pack and the fourth pack.The two of us were dazzled by sugar, Scrabble was reduced to a string of dirty words, and we laughed so hard that the branches trembled wildly.Later, when the candy was finished, there was no candy for the children to eat, so I had to turn off all the lights, hide in the dark and listen to the sound of fireworks, giggling all the time, laughing my teeth out.

However, my thoughts kept turning to the psycho, thinking that he might be reaching out to Christina.I pictured her in the office, maybe working late, and then pictured the pervert sitting outside in the van waiting.The powerlessness made me so angry. Another day later, I added another painting on the wall, and I didn't feel hungry anymore, but I continued to feel that the pervert would come back soon.If I want to survive, I have to be prepared.The last dedication plan almost killed myself, so I must understand why he was crazy, and I can no longer pretend to be emotional. Was he sexually abusive?No, he didn't get an erection when he hit me.He's just repeating what he's done in the past.There are rules to how this guy behaves.Was it his foreplay to take a bath at first?Then the action became rude.Is he that muscle?He said that women don't like good men, and they all want to be treated like garbage, but when I flirt too obviously, he flew into a rage, called me a whore, and said I should resist.He must have thought that a good woman secretly likes a man who is aggressive, rough, and wants women to be obedient.In his mind, only a prostitute would show the expression of liking a bad man, and a good woman would be sullen.So, unless I'm afraid of him, he probably doesn't think he's manly enough.

He is trying to please me!It's the tactics of fear and pain.The more unresponsive I was, the more he felt the need to hurt me.God.He is a rapist who believes that all women have sexual fantasies about being raped.I finally understood his desire and I had to struggle, to show him fear and pain. If I still have something in my stomach, I can definitely spit it out.For some reason, I couldn't stand the thought of having to tell him how I really felt, and it was easier to pretend I liked being raped. On the fourth day of being alone, my time of lethargy increased and my waking time shortened. It became more and more difficult to distinguish the boundary between dreams and reality.Sometimes I'm sure I'm hallucinating, because I hear Luke's voice and smell his cologne when I'm awake, and when I open my eyes I see only the smelly walls of the cabin.

I realized that with such exhaustion, I might not be able to remember the plans I had made, so I created my own doggerel to strengthen my memory.In the process of falling asleep and waking up, waking up and going back to sleep again, I recited repeatedly: Perverted, insane, fear, and pain are his favorites.Madness, insanity, fear, pain, his favorite. By the fifth day, I began to worry about starving to death before he came back.Most of the day, I was lying in bed, reciting doggerel with my back in the corner, just begging the door to open, but I kept dozing off.In the evening, I was so weak that I thought it was late at night, when the lock clicked and he came in.

I'm actually so glad to see him that I won't starve to death.I was so glad to see him walk through the door alone, but then I thought: Is Christina bound to the car and unconscious? He closed the door and stood staring at me.His figure floated in front of my eyes. Perverted, insane, fear, pain his favorite I shook my body and voice and said: Thank God, I was so scared.I thought I was going to die here alone. He raised his eyebrows.Would you rather have someone die here with you? wrong!As soon as I shook my head, the scenery spun around.I don't want anyone to die.I have been thinking about my hungry brain desperately looking for words.Think about something.I want to tell you something.But first I need to know that my chest tightens.Christina, is Christina okay? He strolled over to the stool and sat down, resting his chin in his hand.Won't you greet me first? Yes, yes, of course, I was just thinking and just wondering that the image of the pervert blurred, then cleared up, then blurred again.I did something wrong, very wrong.Last time. He squinted and nodded. However, I have a plan.listen Do you have a plan?He straightened his back.What am I talking about? I pinched my hand with my nails, and my vision came into focus again.It allows us to work together seamlessly. Interesting, but I also thought about it for a while.I feel more and more that a couple of things should be decided, and I don't think you'll be happy to hear that.It's time to roll the dice.I stood up slowly, and the room began to spin again.I put my hands on the wall, closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths.When I opened my eyes again, the pervert looked straight at me without expression. Clutching my stomach with one hand, I stumbled to another high stool and sat down. I think I can understand what you mean.You did a lot of work, and I did a lot of trouble for you, right?He nodded slowly, his eyelids half closed. The thing is, the last time we did it I said something, remember?I'm not telling the truth.I just thought you wanted to hear that kind of talk and would be happy to hear it. He's still stern, but he's looking at me intently now.The best liars will lie as close to the facts as possible.I take another deep breath. I was really scared that day, afraid of you, and also afraid of the feelings you evoked, but I didn't know at the time that he no longer held his chin with his hands, and sat up straight.I can't get to the point if I don't hurry up. I understand now, I just have to be honest with you, and honest with myself.I'm ready to be honest.I pray to God to give me the strength to finish the following passage.So, I want to try again.Please give me one more chance, please.He was silent for a long time, and I waited for him to speak.Then he got up from the stool and walked over to my chair, and I ducked and waited for the beating. Maybe I should do some more research, Anne.I don't want to make a hasty decision.He stood in front of me, hands outstretched, head tilted. How about a hug?He smiled without smiling.He is testing me.I stepped into his arms and wrapped my arms around him.Christina is fine, he said.She accompanied me to look at the house for an afternoon, and the process was very happy.She really knows real estate. I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I can feel your heart beating with me.He hugged him tighter.Then he let go of me and said: Eat something.He walked out of the hut and returned shortly afterwards with a brown paper bag. Lentil bisque, made fresh from my favorite deli.Plus I bought organic apple juice.Protein and sugar are good for the body. The perverted maniac made a delicious thick soup, and came with a hot soup bowl and a glass of juice. I stretched out my hungry hand to take it, but he just sat down next to me and put the bowl on the table in front of him. .Tears welled up in my eyes. Please, I can't do without food, I'm so hungry. He said in a cordial tone: I know. He scooped up a tablespoon and blew on it, and took a sip, which made me miserable.He nodded and put the spoon back in the bowl.He blew again, this time bringing the spoon to my mouth.As soon as I reached out to grab it, he stopped moving again and shook his head.I retracted my hand and put it on my lap. The pervert slowly spoon-feeds me, blows on it before it goes into my mouth, and occasionally puts down the spoon to let me drink apple juice.Halfway through eating, he said: Your stomach and intestines can only bear so much for the time being.Are you more comfortable? I nod. That's good.He looked at his pocket watch, smiled and said: It's time for you to take a bath. When he led me out of the bathroom to the bed and started unzipping the dress from the back, I knew what to do this time. Please don't touch me I don't want to do that. He poked my shoulder with his chin and rubbed his nose against my earlobe.I can feel you shaking.What's there to be afraid of? You and I are afraid of you.You have great strength and you are ready to hurt me.The dress fell to the floor and he moved towards me.His eyes sparkled in the candlelight.Standing in front of me, he traced a circle around my neck with his middle finger. The middle finger goes downstream and stops when it comes directly above the pubic bone. I get goosebumps. What are you afraid of, describe it to me.He dragged out the word "fear" for a very long time. My knees are weak.I'm so nauseous.I have trouble breathing.My heart feels like it's about to explode.He clasped my shoulders tightly with both hands and forced me to walk backwards until the edge of the mattress touched the hollows of my knees before he gave me a hard push and I fell back onto the bed.I watched him strip his shirt and pants. I climbed to the other side of the bed, but he grabbed my ankle and dragged me back.Then he came over and ripped off my panties and bra, very fast.He hardened and entered me.I screamed.he smiles.I gritted my teeth, squeezed my eyelids shut, and counted him in and out, struggling as he slowed down while praying. end it, end it, end it, end it He finally had an orgasm, I just wanted to pour the whole bottle of bleach down my lower body and scrub with boiling water, but I didn't even have a chance to get up and take a shower.I asked him, and he said: No need, take a break. In the afterglow of his orgasm, he lay and stroked my hair.He said: There are chicken breasts in the freezer, I will take a few out tomorrow to defrost.He pulled me closer, nuzzling my neck.We can fry noodles together, shall we?He fell asleep with his arms around me. The slime he left was still between my legs, but I wasn't crying.When I thought of Luke, I almost couldn't help crying, but fortunately I bit the inner wall of my cheek so hard that I couldn't cry.I whispered into the night: I'm sorry. I have seen on TV that some women marry men who beat their wives, but they refuse to divorce after being beaten for several years, and they try their best to please their husbands.When I see such women, I try to sympathize with them, to understand them, but I never get it, doctor.I think their problem is very simple.Pack your bags, say goodbye to that jerk, and kick him in the ass before you go.I used to think I was a strong woman, but I was only alone for five days, and I became a weak woman.It's only been five days, and I'm ready to be obedient to him.But now I am being hailed as a hero by everyone.The so-called heroes should be those who rush into the fire and sacrifice their lives to save children.Heroes die for ideas and missions.I'm not a hero, I'm a coward. I am going to be interviewed again tonight, and I have to face a radiant blonde female reporter, look at her smile like a Zhilan chewing gum advertisement, and hear her ask: How do you feel on the mountain?Are you scared?What bullshit, big detective.These journalists are no better than psychopaths, or at best well-paid sadists. Interestingly, almost no one asked me how I felt after being free, and even if I was asked, I refused to answer.I just wonder why everyone doesn't care about the situation after the curtain ends, and only wants to dig out the secrets in the process.Everyone probably thought that the kidnapping incident came to an end here.I hope so.