Chapter 7 The seventh psychological consultation

It's the third week of January, it's hard to believe, isn't it, doctor?I can only be thankful that the festive atmosphere of Christmas and New Years is finally over.At this point I thought, did I mention to you that I spent Christmas with the pervert?Actually, I don't seem to have a chance to mention it.As long as there is anything related to Christmas, he scolds them as worthless.One day he sat me down and told me that December is here, but we don't celebrate Christmas because Christmas is just one of the ways society uses to control people. Not only that, but he forced me to listen to him rant about how bad Christmas is, how society turns a myth into a money-making opportunity, and he rants.I don't want to celebrate any holidays with the pervert, but after he's done scolding every Christmas point, I'd rather offer to help the Grinch .) Steal Christmas.The psycho really stole Christmas from me, and of course stole a lot of other things along the way, uh, like dignity, self-esteem, joy, security, the ability to sleep in bed.Hey, I'm not whining.

At least I tried and bought that tree from Scout.Maybe next year will be better.You said that I had to be mentally prepared for the possibility of future mood changes, and you advised me to take note of signs of progress, no matter how insignificant.Today I opened the door and walked down the porch, smelling snow, and got emotional for two or three seconds.This is the first snow this year.In the past, as long as the snow accumulated more than two centimeters, I would take Emma to run wildly on the snow.Seeing her goofy makes me laugh out loud.She ran and jumped, skied barefoot, dug snow pits, and ate snow.I always want to know what she is thinking, probably little white rabbit, little white rabbit, I want to chase little white rabbit.Sometimes I throw a handful of dog treats into the snow to give her something to look for.

When I've had enough fun, I'll take a hot bath, make a cup of tea, read a book in front of the fire, and watch Emma's feet twitch, knowing she's dreaming of snowy fun.As soon as I smelled snow today, all these past events came back, and my mood also improved, as if there was one more thing worth looking forward to. It's a pity that when I think of last Christmas, the good mood evaporates instantly. Believe me, you can experience the highest state of cabin fever by being locked up in a windowless hut for a whole winter.What's more, in mid-January last year, I found out that I was four months pregnant.

On the mountain, having a book to read is a moment I could only wish for.A freak knows how to appreciate a good book, and I don't even mind reading it to him.In the process of turning the pages of the book, I wandered through the scenes in the book.So is he.Sometimes he would close his eyes, or lean towards me, resting his chin on one hand, his eyes bright.Sometimes, too, he would pace up and down the room while I read a good passage.If he liked a passage, he put his hand on his heart and said to read it again. He always likes to ask me what my reading experience is.At first I didn’t dare to express my opinion, so I tried to figure out what he meant and extended it. Later, he snatched the book from me and said: Come on, Anne, use your beautiful head to express your personal experience. speak out.

He likes to intersperse some modern novels among the classics, and the plots of these modern novels are often related to disorganized families.We read "The Prince of Tides" the other day, and we're talking about the mother who cooks dog food for the father. I'm glad she fucked her husband this way, I said.He deserves it.He is a jerk. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I immediately panicked.He wouldn't think I was pointing fingers at Sang Huai, would he?And the word bastard is not ladylike at all. But he just nodded his head and said thoughtfully: Yes, he doesn't take his family seriously at all.

Reading Of Mice and Men, he asked me if I felt sorry for poor fool Lenny, and I said yes, and he said: That's interesting.Do you pity him because that girl is a slut?I think you are more upset about the puppy that died at his hands.If that girl is a good girl, does Lenny deserve your sympathy? Whether she's a chick or a slut doesn't affect my opinion.Lenny's mind was messed up and he didn't mean to. He smiled and said: So, as long as a person doesn't do it on purpose, it doesn't matter if he kills someone?I have to remember this. i mean not He burst out laughing, raised his hand, and my cheeks burned hot.

The pervert is very careful about the storage of books, and I was never allowed to open the book and put it face down, and I was not allowed to fold the corners.One day, I watched him carefully put a few books back on the bookshelf, and said to him: You must have read a lot of books when you were young.His spine stiffened for a moment, and the hand holding the book slowly stroked the spine of the book. Only when I'm allowed to.allowed?What a strange statement.While I was hesitating whether to ask, he continued: When were you young? My dad who reads a lot has the benefit of working in the library.

You are so lucky.He patted the book one last time and left the cabin. As he paces and critiques a character or a plot twist, he expresses his thoughts and speaks passionately, and I'm infected by him to contribute my own further.He encouraged me to express my opinions and defend my ideas, but he never lost his temper, even when I disagreed with him.After some time, I slowly relaxed in our literary debate with him.Of course, once the reading time is over, the only period that does not make my heart tremble also stops.It's the only activity I enjoy, the only activity that makes me feel human, like myself.

Every night when I lie in bed and imagine the perverted sperm fighting its way inside me, I order my eggs to go and hide.Since I was on the pill on a regular basis before he kidnapped me, I was hoping my body was out of sync, hoping to be rescued before I got pregnant.At the beginning of the kidnapping, when the contraceptive pill was stopped, I thought that my menstruation would resume immediately, but it didn't come until about a week after he finally succeeded in raping me. One morning, we were in the shower, repeating the same steps, I stood facing the wall and he stood behind me and washed my feet, both up and down, and between my legs.He stopped suddenly.I turned around and saw him standing there in a daze, looking at the washcloth.There was blood on the washcloth, and I looked down under myself and saw blood stains on the inside of my thighs.He gritted his teeth, his face flushed.I understand the meaning of this expression.

sorry, I do not know.I lean my head against the wall. He tossed me the washcloth, walked out of the shower, and stood silently on the floor mat, glaring at my crotch.The shower curtain was ajar and the shower water was dripping on the floor.I thought the volcano was about to erupt, but he reached into the shower area, twisted the shower head towards my body, and turned the faucet to cold water so cold that it temporarily stopped breathing. You wash it yourself. The water was so cold that I wanted to scream, but I tried my best not to scream.He picked up the washcloth from the shower floor and threw it at me.

I tell you to wash yourself. After I thought I had washed it clean, I held the body scrub in one hand and said: What do you want me to do with this cloth? He gestured for me to hand it over to him, checked it, and handed it back to me. Wash it a second time. He didn't let me out until the washcloth was clean and my skin was almost blue from the cold. Don't move, he said.I thought to myself, shaking should not count as movement, right?The pervert leaves the bathroom for a few minutes and comes back with an extra piece. use this.He throws things at me. I said: Do you have supplies like sanitary napkins? He put his face close to my nose, and said slowly: A real woman should be pregnant by now.I don't know what to say, he raised the decibel, what did you do? how do i know If you don't do your part as a woman, I'll find someone else to take your place. Under his watch, I dressed and pressed that ridiculous piece of cloth into my panties.My fingers were so numb with the cold that I couldn't button the whole row of buttons on my dress by myself.He looked at me clumsily, shook his head and said: You are too pathetic. My period lasted six days.Every morning, he asked me to take a cold shower by myself, and he waited outside for me to hand him a body washcloth, and he let me out only after checking that there was no blood.Afterwards, he would scrub the entire bathtub with detergent before going in to shower.He told me to put the used menstrual strips in a bag and he would take them outside to burn.During menstruation, we also omitted the step of taking a bath, which was just as I liked, and he didn't touch me once in six days. Every afternoon, he asked me to study the pregnancy guide book.I still remember the title of one of them was "Shortcuts to Pregnancy Naturally".That's right, a pervert is such a person, who kidnaps a woman, confines her in a hut and rapes her, this is called real nature. As soon as the bleeding stopped, he started trying to fertilize me again.I prayed that my body would recognize that his sperm was sick and reject his sperm.I also pray that my chances of conceiving are slim because of all the suffering I've had and living in fear.It's a pity that God doesn't follow people's wishes. After about three weeks, I knew that my period was coming soon, so if there was any abnormality in my stomach, I hoped it was menstrual pain.Every time I go to the bathroom, I pray to see blood on my underwear.After four weeks, I knew it.Judging from the secret calendar on my wall, I conceived in mid-September, fertilizing about two weeks after my period ended. I wish I could hide from the psycho, but one morning, I woke up to find him stroking my belly. I know you're awake.You don't have to get up right away today.He rubbed my shoulder with his nose.Look at me, Annie.I turned to face him.Good morning, he said with a smile, then looked down at my hand on my stomach. The mother who raised me was named Juliet, and she was not my biological mother.She adopted me when I was five years old, because the prostitute who gave birth to me was said to be too young to raise a child, and his vocal cords were strained, but he knew how to spread his thighs to my biological father.He shook his head and said in a softer tone: But Juliet changed my life.Her own son was only one year old and died before weaning.Her maternal love is endless.Under her teachings, I learned that family is the most important thing.And you, Annie, you lost half your family at a young age, and I know you always wanted to start your own family and I'm glad I was the man you chose. selected?I don't know how to use this word.Even before the psychos kidnapped me, I wasn't sure if I wanted kids.I live my life as an independent professional woman, and I never walk into a room full of kids and say, wow, I want to have one myself.As a result, I am now pregnant, and what I gave birth to is a demon seed.Now he talks about his mother, giving me the opportunity to explore his secrets and get to know him better.I was a little worried about alarming him, but I had to think long-term. When you mentioned Juliet, you used the past tense.Is she gone? He put away his smile.He rolled over and stared at the ceiling. I was only eighteen years old, and she was snatched from me.I waited for him to explain, but he seemed obsessed with the past. I said: Listening to you, she seems to be a very special person.It's nice of you to be so close to her.My mother never abandoned me, not like your biological mother, but after the car accident the doctor kept prescribing her medicine, and she took it in a weird way.I had to move to live with my aunt and uncle for a while, so I can feel the feeling of loneliness. He looked at me, his eyes lit up, and then looked away.How is it like living with relatives?Are they okay with you? When I was in my twenties, I went to receive psychotherapy. On the one hand, it was to relieve the heart disease caused by the car accident, and on the other hand, it was to resolve my prejudice against my mother.Alas, effective fart.I repeat the same thing many times, and it is also difficult to talk about the past period every time.I didn't even express those grievances to Luke. Auntie is my mother's older sister.The two sisters always like to compete with each other, but the aunt is kind.My cousin is several years older than me, and doesn't pay much attention to me, and I don't care. you don't care?I dare say you care.There was no sarcasm in his tone. Those days were very hard, but when I grew up, I tried my best to understand my mother's mental journey back then.At that time, it was not popular to see a psychiatrist, and there was no mutual aid association for mourning relatives, so I only went to see a doctor to get medicine. She sent you away. It's not that bad.But I remember seeing my cousin whispering, and I also remember seeing my uncle and aunt immediately stop talking.If I compare it to a painting, my mother is a misty school, while my aunt on the same canvas is painted with sharp edges and corners.They were all petite blondes.All the girls in our family have blonde hair, except me.Aunt Val's lips are slightly thinner, her nose is longer and her eyes are narrower.My mother's emotions are ups and downs, and Auntie Weier is calm, calm, and determined, not the type of hugging and comforting people. Didn't your mother sell the house later?Half of the family is gone, and even the home is gone? how do you know If you want to know someone, if you want to know someone thoroughly, there are many ways.It's the same way your mother faced adversity, much more. She had to sell the house because Dad didn't have life insurance.Six months after the car accident, my mother finally came to my aunt's house to pick me up, and I realized that my hometown no longer existed. Maybe.However, after the weather changes, it must be difficult for you to move back home, right?What's more, the house has become so small. There are only mother and daughter left, and there is no need to live in a big house. The new home is located in the worst part of Clayton Falls. It is a two-bedroom rental house with a crowded room and a view of a pulp factory.My mother's medicine jars were gradually replaced by vodka bottles, my pink silk gowns were replaced by nylon cloth, and Estee Lauder's Brilliant Niandai perfume was replaced by knockoffs.Although money is tight, my mother still has a way to scrape together money to buy French cigarettes. She believes that as long as everything is related to France, it will be crowned with the word "elegant".She also has money for less elegant vodka.In terms of vodka brands, Popov is not as good as Smirnoff after all. She not only sold her hometown, but also her father's property.She kept Daisy's trophy, of course, and the skater outfit still hangs in her closet. However, the two-person world of your mother and daughter will not last long, right? Her heart is very difficult to adjust.Life is tough for single mothers.There were not many ways out for her in that era. Later, she met a boyfriend, thinking that this time she finally met a real man.he smiles. I stare at him for a second.She went to work after the car accident. She works as a secretary in a small construction company, but the thing she's most busy with is getting fancy.Without a full face of make-up, she refused to go out.And she is usually in a half-drunk state when she puts on makeup, so everyone often sees her eyeshadow is blurred, or her blush is too bright.Strange to say, this kind of makeup suits her very well, with the charm of a lost doll.The man who falls in love with her always wants to save her from this evil world.Even being a new widow didn't stop her from smiling back. Four months after moving, my family had a stepfather who dreamed of a big career.He was a salesman for the same construction company, drove a Cadillac, smoked cigars, and even wore cowboy boots.If he was originally from Texas, or Alberta, it would be reasonable to wear cowboy boots, but I guess he probably never left Vancouver Island in his life.I think he is a bit rough and handsome, and his style is similar to that of Tom who has entered middle age.Shellick (Tom s Selleck).After marrying him, my mother resigned immediately.She probably thought that she could become a noble lady in this life. How do you feel about your new dad? He's all right.It seems that I really love my mother. After the remarriage, your mother started a new life.How do you adapt? Stepfather is doing his best. The stepfather's name is Wayne.I wanted to maintain at least a little bit of my father-daughter relationship with him, but Wayne and I had very little interaction.All he loved was nude magazines and get-rich-quick flyers.Then I found out that I could make him laugh.As soon as I realized that he thought I was funny, I turned into a clown as soon as he appeared, and tried everything to make him laugh.But when he smiled, his mother would say to him angrily: Don't laugh, Wayne, the more you smile, the more you will indulge her.So he stopped laughing.I felt very hurt, so I tried to find opportunities to make fun of him later, to make fun of him with my tongue.Gradually, we are too lazy to talk to each other. The pervert stared at me with focused eyes, and I realized that something was wrong. I wanted to find out about him, but turned to let him have a deeper understanding of me.Time to get down to business. Where is your father?I asked.You didn't mention him. Father?I never thought of him as a father.And he is not good enough for my mother, but it is a pity that my mother refuses to face the truth.He raised his voice.He's a door-to-door salesman, what the heck, a fat, hairy salesman, and He swallowed twice before saying: "I just had to set her free." It wasn't just this sentence that sent chills down my spine, it was the nonchalant tone of his tone that shocked me even more.I wanted to learn more, but my gut told me to stop.It doesn't matter if you ask or not.The storm that was stirring within him was over. He jumped out of bed with a smile on his face, stretched his limbs, sighed contentedly, and said: enough talking.We should celebrate the formation of new families.He looked at me intently, then nodded and said: Stay here.He put on his clothes, put on his coat and went out.When he opened the door again and came in, the smell of rotting leaves and damp soil wafted to the bed, which was the smell of approaching summer. After he entered the door, his complexion was flushed, his eyes were sparkling, he put one hand behind his back, sat down beside me, then stretched out his hand, holding something in his fist. Sometimes, one has to go through adversity in life, he said.Still, adversity is just a trial.If you can survive the difficulties, there will be gains in the end.His eyes met mine.Open your palms, Anne.He caught my gaze and pressed a cool little thing on my palm.I'm so afraid to look away. I gave this to a woman long ago, but she didn't deserve it.My palms itch.He raised his eyebrows and said: Don't you want to see it?I looked down at my hands and saw a thin gold necklace, shining brightly.He stretched out a finger to touch the small gold heart-shaped pendant in the middle. It's beautiful.I want to throw the necklace into the sky. I said: Yes, it’s so beautiful, thank you. He picks up the necklace.Sit up and let me put it on for you.The chain tingled against my skin, something was wrong with me.I wanted to ask him what happened to the lady of the necklace, but I was afraid he might tell the truth.