Chapter 8 Eighth counseling session

Well, doc, I've recently started to take my attitude seriously, why not?I knew early on that I had a bad attitude.Recently though, my attitude has started to really affect things like, say, my life.Before my accident, I wasn't technically a sweet girl, but I had a good reason for having a dead sister, a dead father, a drunk mother, and a jackass stepfather.But at least the former me would not want to vent my anger on the whole world.What now?Wow, everyone makes me sick.You, the reporter, the police, the postman, the stone in the middle of the road.Hey, no, I have no problem with stones.What I want to say is that I used to like to get along with people. To exaggerate a little, you can even say that I am crazy.That's not the case at all now.

Take my friends as an example, they call, they want to come and see me, they always want to invite me to something, but my first reaction is: do you want to dig out the inside story of the progress of the police investigation from me Bar?I also wonder: Invite me?Are you looking at me poorly?I will never go back, they will probably sit around and discuss my gossip. You see, this kind of attitude, even thinking about it, feels childish and vicious, how can I say it.People care about you, so they will try to see if they can invite you. You should cherish your blessings, right? The problem is, my current life is dull, I have nothing to talk about, and I haven’t watched a movie for a long time, I don’t know the world, I don’t know what’s popular recently, what kind of new technology is there, I must not understand what my friends are talking about .Therefore, I go out for a run without leaving home. If I bump into someone I know, I will ask them how they are doing these days. They will show a relieved look, and then talk about some work crises, new boyfriends, travel plan.I tell myself that even if my world is turned upside down, I can almost take comfort in hearing that other people get up and go about their daily lives normally.One day, I'll have to complain about work too.

After we said goodbye to each other, I watched each other walk away, watched them go back to their beautiful normal life, and I started to get angry again.I hate that they don't have the same heartache as I do and that they are capable of enjoying life.Hate myself for feeling that way. I even tried to avoid seeing Christina, but it took her a long time to give in.I had just moved back into my own house and she did everything in her power to help me tidy up, add furniture, and notify the utility company.She even bought a bunch of stuff to stuff in my freezer.In the past, what I admired most about her was that she liked to dominate, and I was even willing to let Christina dominate my life.But after I came out, she walked around my house with a Feng Shui book in hand, helped me adjust the position of the furniture to attract healing spirits, and sorted out a large list of phone numbers of psychiatrists for me before I came to you.She also has a collection of brochures describing retreats for victims of rape.The more she persuaded me, the annoyed I became. I just wanted to quarrel with her, but she became more frustrated and courageous.

Later, she tried our come-and-talk trick, bringing wine and tarot cards to my house.She will draw out a few cards, and then read a few key sentences aloud according to the analysis in the book, for example: You have struggled alone for a long time, it is time to let the closest people share your worries.She was afraid that I didn't catch the point, so she didn't forget to pause every time she read aloud, and she met my eyes.She frequently took the initiative to come to me, and I couldn't be called relaxed and happy, and sometimes I could say that I was perfunctory.Once, she put down the Tarot cards and said: If you don't talk about it, you will never be able to let go of that past.I finally freaked out.

Christina, if you can only build your happiness on the pain of others, then your life is too poor. She showed a terrified expression.I murmured an apology, but she left shortly after. The last time we talked was a few months ago.She was joe time with me, and she wanted to bring me some old clothes for me.I wanted to ask her to talk about it another day, but she insisted on coming, insisting that I would be happier if I saw it.An hour before she came to my house, I was in a tangle of anger and resentment.I left her a message to cancel and went for a three hour drive.When I came home, there was a big box of clothes on the front doorstep.I immediately moved to the basement to pick up the dust.

The next day she called, but I didn't answer. She left a message, giggling, and happily asked me if I had opened it, and said that she couldn't wait to see me wear it.I called back to thank her for her message and have not responded to her message since. What is wrong with me?Why do you treat everyone as an enemy? One night, I heard the pervert yelling a name with my own ears, the volume was too low, I couldn't tell who it was, but I knew it wasn't me.I wasn't stupid enough to ask him, I just buried the question mark in my heart. Sexually, he is a masculine man.Thank goodness.As far as perverted men go, this one I met was not bad.Hey, I'm not complimenting him.All I'm trying to say is that he didn't make me anal, or ask me to blow the trumpet for him. He probably knew I'd take the opportunity to bite off his cock.I play my part well.I know where to touch, how to touch, what to say, how to say it.I am willing to do anything as long as it can be done as quickly as possible, and I am skilled.

Physically speaking, helping him with errands made it easier for me to live, but psychologically, a part of my heart lake has become as still as water, and then dried up to the bottom. As soon as the pervert found out that I was pregnant, he seemed to no longer be obsessed with running errands every night, but he didn't stop taking baths overnight.Sometimes he just rests his head on my chest and listens to me until he falls asleep.He delivered his theories to me in a steady voice, on everything from dust to vomit, but above all love and society.He said that the human beings in this society value the two things of obtaining and possessing for themselves the most, and he scolded himself.Didn't he himself capture me and take me for himself?

The thought of my genes merging with his genes to create a new life makes me sick.The last thing I want is to have anything to do with him.Lying in bed with him at night, I command my body to abort.I ran through all the diabolical thoughts, shooting at the freak that was conceived in my belly, and imagined the vision of the fetus being excluded from the body.In the middle of the night, I often woke up in a cold sweat. The nightmare I had was that the ugly fetus was tearing my internal organs. Throughout the winter of that year, the images that filled my head were of giving birth in a log cabin, with the pervert beside me.He asked me to read a book about home childbirth, and I had to force myself to read it word by word, otherwise I couldn't yell.In the past, every time I saw a scene of childbirth on TV, I always covered my eyes because the poor mother was screaming and something was being pulled out of her body. The picture was too horrible to watch.I always think that if I really have a baby one day, the doctor will give me a lot of anesthetics, and my husband will mutter to cheer me up, but I don't realize it.

Seeing that I was pregnant, the pervert was overjoyed, but his good mood only lasted for two or three months.After that, sometimes he would be satisfied with my manicure, but the next day he would change his face and ask me to do it again.Sometimes I can pee at two o'clock, but the next day he dragged me out of the toilet and told me to wait until three o'clock.Pregnant women already have the problem of frequent urination, and I was annoyed by him even more painfully. Sometimes, in the morning I put on the clothes he chose, and in the afternoon he asked me to change into another one.After washing the dishes, if he finds a tiny bit of dirt, he will force me to wash them again.Once, when I retorted that the bathroom was clean and refused to scrub it, I was slapped on the back of his hand and ordered to scrub the entire cabin floor.I have learned to be good, know how to maintain proper subordination in words and deeds, force myself to look down, and be as timid as a scared puppy.

It was almost the end of January, we had just finished breakfast one morning, and I was washing the dishes, and the pervert looked at me wildly for a while and said: I'm going on a long trip.Sounded like he just wanted to take the trash out. How far?where to goyou can't leave me here Annie, I made the rules.His expression was one of indifference. You can take me with you.Strapping me in a van would do as well.please. He shook his head.You are safer here. The pervert took some food out of the cupboard, mostly vitamin drinks and protein powder with water, and put it on the counter without giving me cutlery.

He usually forbids me near the woodstove, but this time he unlocked the stove and removed the hood in front of it.Then he stacked a large pile of wood inside the house and helped me light a fire in the fireplace.I don't have an axe, I don't have a newspaper, and I don't have a tool to start a fire if the fire goes out, so I better keep an eye on this fire. He hasn't traveled far in months, so I presume that there is a shortage of daily necessities and he wants to go downtown to buy more.I don't know where he hid the food.Everything he brought in was in zipper bags, and I couldn't make out the name of the store, but I guess he had a freezer and cellar outside the house, or built another tool room.I hope his trip is really to buy daily necessities.Will he go to Christina again?What should I do if he falls in love with a woman he likes more and forgets about my existence?How long does it take for a person to starve to death?Although I was afraid of him, I was more afraid of being locked in a mountain cabin alone. Two or three years before I was kidnapped, a girl went missing in Clayton Falls, and I was terrified that taking Emma for a walk in the woods would find her dead.Now I wonder if there are girls like me everywhere in this world.Their families later gave up, and the disappearance never made the front pages of newspapers again.Locked in huts or dungeons by their own psychos, they are still waiting to be rescued. Try not to think about how long I've been locked up here while I make another note on the wall.I tried to convince myself that an extra day here meant that I was getting closer to my freedom.As long as I linger on, I can create more opportunities for the rescuers to find people.I imagined being rescued with a big belly.I have been pregnant for nearly five months, and it is probably too late to have an abortion. Even if I still have time to have an abortion, no matter how deeply I hate the fetus, I will not be ruthless.I wonder how my family and Luke feel about my pregnancy.I can't imagine Luke welcoming the child into his world with the rapist's flesh and blood in his arms.I'm afraid even my own heart can't be so open. The pervert is not at home, you must think I can't ask for more, right?In fact, I can't wait for him to open the door every day.I hate him, but I also can't wait to meet him.I am 100% dependent on him. Since I don't know how long he will be gone, I save the food he gives me.He was not there, and no one told me what time to eat, so I tried to follow my biological clock to work and rest, but I was hungry all the time.I know a lot of pregnant women who suffer from nausea in the early stages of pregnancy, but I never get dizzy, just sleepy and hungry. Growing up, whenever I had the chance, I went outside to swim every night in summer and go skiing on weekends in winter.Now I can only stare at the four walls.I used to keep pacing back and forth on one side of the cabin.A few years ago, I went to the zoo and saw a bear inside the enclosure, running from side to side, making a deep dent in the ground.I remember thinking that this bear would rather die than be locked up forever. When I'm not pacing, I lean against the wall and wonder what's beyond, or sit in the bathroom and peer into the world beyond the hole in the wall.When the sun is out, the hole will illuminate a small spot of light on the back of the bathroom door, and as the sun creeps down, I'll watch for hours until the spot disappears. He wasn't home, and I had no novels to read, so I had to use my imagination to make movies.I fantasize about my mother praying for my safety at home, exchanging ideas with the police, and going on TV to call me home.I can see Christina and Luke scouring the woods every weekend, telling Emma to sniff my scent.The best scene is when Luke breaks through the door and lifts me up to half the sky. I picture moms even quitting alcohol, calling out mothers of missing children, organizing a search and rescue society.I look forward to her sudden epiphany that she has mistreated her daughter for too long, and now she wants to make up for everything.When I am rescued, our mother and daughter will be closer together. I never thought I'd miss my stepfather Wayne's lame jokes and how he kept messing with my hair like I was a twelve-year-old.Now I have made a deal with God, as long as I can go home, I will listen to him talking about startup ideas, and I will listen to him a thousand times without thinking he is stupid. I often touch my belly and think about what a baby looks like.Some books have illustrated illustrations of the stages of fetal development, and I find Zhang Zhang disgusting.I'm sure I'm going to have a beautiful baby, but with a father like a psycho, what will the baby look like? After five long days, the pervert returned. Annie, you sit down on the bed.This is the first sentence he said after entering the door.I have something to discuss with you.I sat down with my back against the wall and he sat next to me, holding my hand. I'm going back to Clayton Falls, and I really don't want to tell you something right now.He slowly shakes his head from side to side.All search and rescue activities have ceased. How could this be! He rubbed his thumb slowly in circles on my hand.How are you, Anne?I believe this news has hit you hard. I nod. I have to admit, I was also surprised to see your house listed for sale so quickly, but I think your family probably thinks they have to get by.Anger replaced shock at the thought of his house being up for sale.My house was a three-story Victorian with stunning stained-glass windows, 270-inch ceilings and original hardwood floors, and it was love at first sight.Why is mom willing to sell it?She never liked the house, always thought it was too old, always felt cold and windy.Was it Wayne who had staked her front yard for sale?He must be very happy that his talkative stepdaughter is gone, right? How did you know? It's not important, what's important is that I care about you enough to let you know.When I went there, I also found another thing.He paused, and I knew he was waiting for my verbal response, and I refused to go his way.But I don't know, so I can only ask.What else?You bastard, how do you want to torture me next? A very intriguing incident related to Luke. This time I forced myself to be silent.After a few seconds, he couldn't hold back anymore. Depending on the situation, he has been waiting impatiently for you. I don't believe you.luke loves me oh?I saw him put his arm around the blonde and whisper into her ear, and I guess he was talking about how much he loves you, Annie. you lie, he won't won't what?Tell me honestly, for an obedient man like Luke, can you guarantee that you never wonder if he is so obedient?Anne, he is not strong enough. I was dizzy and quickly stared at the opposite wall. The pervert nodded and continued: But now you can start to see reality.I was the one who rescued you from him. Luke has already started dating other people, is it possible?There was a blonde waitress at his restaurant, I can't remember her name, but I think she had a crush on Luke.Luke called me crazy. The day before I was kidnapped, I invited Luke over for dinner the next day, and his tone was not very positive.He was at the restaurant and I guess he was just busy or thought I might miss another appointment.At that time, had he already stepped on two boats?Impossible.Luke never complained to me, and he couldn't find a single cheating gene in his whole body. The psycho turned my jaw away and forced me to look him in the eye.You've left me alone, Anne. He is just lying.These lies are the latest nirvana in his sick game.He loved nothing more than to scare me off my feet.There are many people who care about me, and there are many.Well, I admit I'm not the perfect girlfriend, especially the time before I got kidnapped, but Luke's not going to find someone else because of that.And Christina also has a deep friendship with me since I was a handkerchief since I was a child, and I know she will never forget me.Even though Mom and I often disagree, she and Daisy are more harmonious, but my disappearance must have knocked her down.Even if selling my house is real, it doesn't mean my mom has forgotten about me.She probably wanted to raise money and offer a reward. Then again, what if the pervert was telling the truth?We should not really give up the search and rescue operation, right?Shouldn't everyone split up and live their own lives?It's possible that Luke has a new girlfriend, a girl who won't be busy working overtime.Mom may be signing the sale of the house by now, and Emma may have forgotten all about me.Could she be raised by Luke and his blonde girlfriend now?Everyone walked forward in unison, but I was detained by the sadistic rapist, and I could not escape forever. The pervert speaks so clearly, what counter-evidence can I come up with?The immediate fact was that no one had spotted me.I wanted to argue with him and persuade him that there are many people who love me, but when I opened my mouth, I couldn't speak, and I only remembered the scene of the home for stray dogs. I used to volunteer at the Home for Stray Dogs, mostly to clean up the cages and take the dogs out for a walk.Some dogs have been abused and now bite everyone.Some dogs refuse to show kindness to people or appreciate it.Some dogs are so frightened that they can't stand up straight as soon as they hear people raise their voices, and even lose control of their urine.There are also dogs that have become resigned and just sit in their cages, staring at the walls even when adopters come in to pick them out. Among them is a dog named Bubble, who has skin diseases, is thin and ugly, and has been squatting in the home for stray dogs for a long time, but whenever someone comes in to visit, he will swagger towards the front of the cage, thinking that he is the most beautiful animal in the world, Always hopeful.I wanted to adopt him back home, but unfortunately I lived in an apartment at the time.In the end I was too busy with work to help out, so I don't know if he was adopted later.Now I'm the same dumb dog just looking forward to being led home.Sooner or later, Bubbles will find out that he is not wanted. I just hope he can be euthanized before his dreams are shattered.