Chapter 17 Seventeenth psychological consultation

You know what, Doctor, even after you taught me how to deal with fear, even after you explained how it came from, I kept telling myself that it would eventually go away, especially after I read the sad books you suggested .As a result, this week, a bad guy came to my house to break into the empty door. I came home from a morning run to find my house siren blaring, the police car parked in the driveway, the back door jamb kicked in, and the bedroom window open.Judging from the broken branches of the bushes, the thief escaped by jumping out of the bedroom window.The valuables seemed to be still there, and the police said there was nothing I could do unless I knew what was being stolen.The police also told me that there have been several cases of breaking and entering in the neighborhood recently, and no fingerprints could be collected on the spot, as if these words would make me feel more at ease.

After the police left, the trembling all over my body subsided to occasional trembling, and then I went into the bedroom to change.In the corridor, I suddenly had an idea.Thieves don't steal things, so why take the risk of breaking into empty doors?No matter how you think about it, it's not right. I walked slowly around the house, trying to emulate my heart as much as possible.If I were a thief, I would kick open the back door, go straight upstairs, and then?When I ran into the living room, I couldn’t see the softness at a glance. The stereo and TV were too big, and it was difficult to escape with my arms on foot.Then run into the hallway, rush to the bedroom and dig through the drawers for valuables?

I go through every drawer carefully.All the drawers are closed well, the clothes are folded neatly, the clothes hanging in the closet are not shuffled, and the closet door is closed evenly and sometimes one side will get stuck.I stepped back and surveyed the bedroom.I had just used the dryer and a basket full of clothes was sitting in the same spot on the floor, and the oversized t-shirt I wore as pajamas was left unmoved at the foot of the bed.bed. Hey, isn't the edge of the bed a little concave?When I put on my socks, do I sit there and put them on?I look closer, scrutinizing every inch of the bed, filtering every hair.be mine?Or Emma's?I inhale toward the comforter cover, sniffing from top to bottom.Hey, is it a faint cologne scent?I stand up again.

Strangers had forced their way into my house, entered my bedroom, looked at my stuff, touched my stuff.I have the creeps. I stripped the bedding, picked up the t-shirt, stuffed everything into the washer, squirted down the bleach, and wiped down every surface in the room.After I boarded up the back door and nailed up the windows, my house was like a bomb shelter. I grabbed the cordless phone and hid in a closet in the hallway for the whole day. Gary, the policeman I mentioned earlier, later called to greet me.The case of theft and robbery is not under his control, so he just cares about me out of kindness.His opinion was in line with what other police officers said, and he thought it was most likely that the criminals broke in on a whim to see what they could steal, and then panicked for a while and escaped from the nearest exit.I argued with Gary, insisting that only idiots do such things, and he said criminals do stupid things when they're scared.He also suggested that I call someone to accompany me, or go to a friend's house to stay and wait until the jambs are repaired before returning home.

Even if I was scared to death, I would not go to live in my mother's house.As for friends?Even if I am no more paranoid than the aviation legend Howard.Hughes (Hlard Hughes) is serious, and I'm not sure how many recent friends are left.Luke was almost the only one still calling.When I regained my freedom, friends, old colleagues, and old classmates whom I hadn’t seen for many years all showed up and cared so much about me that I yelled that I couldn’t take it anymore.But you also know that if you keep letting your friends shut the door, they will touch their noses and walk away after eating a few times.

Christina is probably the only friend I'm considering turning to, and you know I fell out with her, or at least you know what happened, because even I don't know why I'm so allergic to her.Now she ignores me, probably trying to do her best as a good friend, but sometimes I wish she could just wave her hand and drag me outside to see the light of day, bullying me like she did before. Of course, my first thought was to move, and it was just, alas, I love this house so much.Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't sell the house just because it was broken into.Anyway, I have no ability.Where will I live after the sale?How can I apply for a housing loan?I'm thinking about looking for a job.Now I have a bunch of new skills, but what these skills can help me find a job, I don't even want to think about it.After thinking so much, after I came here for treatment last time, I got a call from Luke when I got home.

My bookkeeper quit, Annie.I can't find someone to take over at the moment, can you help me with the bookkeeping for a few days first?only temporary workers, and I don't need your help, Luke. Who said you need help?I am the one who needs help, and I need your help.These account books, I see one head and two big.You're the only person I know who knows numbers, please make me feel sorry.If you agree, I don't need to come to the restaurant, I can send the account book to your home. I think what prompted me to say yes was the embarrassment I felt.I said okay, I can give it a try, and as soon as I said it, I didn't think of the consequences.It's a long story, let's talk about it later.I'm not ready yet!I almost called back and broke the contract.But I took a few deep breaths and told myself, I'll figure it out tomorrow morning.Of course, the next morning was the day my house was burglarized.I was so busy and then had a panic attack that I forgot that Luke had asked me to do the bookkeeping.As a result, he left a message last night, saying that he would bring a set of bookkeeping software to help me install it this weekend.Listening to his tone, he was so glad to find someone to help him sort out the books, I couldn't refuse.And I'm not sure if I really want to say no.

I told myself it was just Luke's job, but I was sure of one thing, I wasn't the only one who could be his bookkeeper. Last Sunday night, I had a cold that was on the verge of turning into a bad one, so I half-sat on the couch in faded blue flannel pajamas and porcupine slippers, a box of tissues in my lap.The sound of a car door closing at the end of my driveway took my breath away to listen for a second.Is it the sound of feet stepping on gravel?I peeked out the window, only to see a mass of darkness.I grabbed the pokers from the fireplace. There was the sound of light footsteps on the stairs, and then stopped.

I gripped the tongs tightly and peered out through the peephole, but I couldn't see anything unusual. There was a rustling near the bottom of the door, and Emma barked. I shouted: I know you are outside.You'd better give your name now! God, Annie, I was just picking up newspapers for you. It's mom. I opened the iron bars and when the locksmith came to fix the jambs, I asked him to help me put another cross bar on the front door.Emma smelled Mom, turned around and ran straight back to my room, probably crawled under the bed and hid.I really want to learn from her. Mom, why didn't you call first?

She shook her head and flicked the pony's tail. At the same time, she stuffed the newspaper into my hand and turned away.I grab her by the shoulders. Wait a minute, I didn't tell you to go, you scared me to death just now.I was just dozing off. She turned around, staring at the wall behind me with her big blue doll-like eyes, and said: Sorry. Wow, what a surprise.As sorry as it may sound, I still can't remember the last time Mom apologized. Her eyes wandered downstream, fixed on my porcupine slippers, her eyebrows raised.My mother loves to wear stork high-heeled slippers, all year round.Before she could criticize my slippers, I said: Do you want to come in and have a sit?

She stepped into the house and stood in the front hall when I noticed she was holding a big brown paper bag in one hand, and for a moment I thought she was bringing wine.I looked carefully, no, the things inside the paper bag were flat and square.She held the crisper in the other hand and handed it to me. Wayne wants to go downtown, so give me a ride and I'll make you some Annie Bear cookies. ah.It is a peanut butter biscuit in the shape of a bear's paw, with small pieces of chocolate melted into the bear's paw.When I was down, or she felt guilty about something less often, she would bake these cookies for me.The fight on the phone must have made her feel bad. Mom, you are so sweet.I miss bear cookies so much.She didn't speak, just stood where she was, looking all over my house, then she went to the fireplace and felt the dry fern on the mantelpiece. Before she could criticize my plant-care skills, I said: You better stay away from me because I have a cold, but if you want to stay, I can make tea and drink with you. Are you sick?Why didn't you say it earlier?She perked up, as if she had just won her mother's lottery.We'll drive you to my doctor as soon as Wayne gets back.where is your phone numberI'm calling the doctor right now. I've had enough of doctors.Damn, why do I sound like a pervert?Well, if I decide I have to see a doctor, I can drive myself to see a doctor.Anyway, it won't help if you call, because it's too late to register now. What nonsense?Of course my doctor will see you.Mom never thought she should wait in line for something to register with the doctor, eat at a restaurant, or shop at a supermarket, she didn't have to wait.What's more, she can usually register or get a good seat within an hour, and the supermarket manager will also set up another checkout counter for her. Mom, don't worry, I'm fine.The doctor couldn't help but see her open her mouth to intervene, so I raised my hand.But I promise you, if it gets worse, I will go to the doctor.She sighed, put the bag and paper bag on the coffee table, and patted the sofa. Lie down quickly, and I'll make you a cup of hot lemon tea with honey. I want to tell her that it's not like I don't have the ability to boil water, but saying so will attract blank stares, so I fall back on the sofa. Ok, the tea bags are on the stove. She made me a piping hot glass, brought a plate of Annie Bear biscuits, poured herself a wholesome glass of red wine from my kitchen, and sat on the other end of the couch, throwing shawls over us. She took a long gulp of wine, handed me the paper bag, and said: I found the photo album you mentioned, it must have been mixed up with ours.No wonder.But I don't care.She returned the photo, and the hot tea gave off a warm glow in my body, and even my feet that were pressed against her calves felt warm. I was about to open the photo album when my mother took out an envelope from the bag and gave it to me. You don't have these photos, so I developed an extra set for you. I didn't expect her to be so caring, and I was secretly surprised while looking at the first one.She and Daisy were at the town's skating rink, wearing the same outfit, the same ponytail, and even the same style of skates.Daisy looked about fifteen years old, so it was probably taken shortly before the accident, and in a bright pink skater outfit, Mom looked about Daisy's age.She took Daisy to practice skating, and sometimes followed her. People used to always say we were like sisters, she said.I mean, really?I can't see it. You are more beautiful. Annie, your sister is as beautiful as a fairy.I look at her face.Her eyes lit up, and I knew she was delighted, but I also knew she agreed with me. While she got up to get more drinks, I flipped through other photos.She poured a full glass of wine and came back to sit at my feet. This time she even brought the half-filled bottle and put it on the coffee table.I turned to the last photo, which was the wedding photo of my parents. I glanced at her and she was staring at the glass.Perhaps it was the effect of the light, her eyes looked wet. Your clothes are so beautiful.I look at the sweetheart neckline, at her blond hair tied into a long wedding dress, beaded at the edge.Then, I shifted my gaze to her. She came up to me and said: Val likes this dress and says she's going to wear it to her wedding, and I told her it doesn't fit your breasts.Mom laughed.Believe it or not, she will never forgive me.The other thing is about dating your dad.She shrugged.He likes me better, it's not my fault. Madden Insider.Aunt Will dated Dad? They only hung out a few times, but I guess she thought they were dead.On the day of my wedding, her face was so ugly that she refused to say a word when she saw me.How great our cakes are, did I tell you?is three storeys high, and I've heard it a million times as Ma goes through the details of the wedding reception and I think about Aunt Val.No wonder my aunt always wants to beat my mother.This would also explain her attitude towards me and Daisy.When we were kids, my mother would sometimes swap kids with my aunt on the weekends, and Daisy and I couldn't escape it.Auntie mostly just ignored me, but I could swear she really hated Daisy, and was always looking for a reason to tease her and make her cousins ​​and cousins ​​laugh. After the car accident, our two families did not get together very often.Wayne and Uncle Mark didn't have much contact with each other, and they didn't even like each other very much, so most of the people who got together were mothers and aunts.When I brought the kids over to play, my cousin Jason would keep teasing me and annoy me to death, but my cousin Tammy would keep her distance, I think she is so lonely.Now I understand that her mother probably also said a lot of bad things about me to her, which is the same reason that my mother said bad things about her. I bought a house and just moved in. One afternoon, after shopping, my mother and aunt stopped by to see me.My aunt looked around my house and asked me if I would like to work in real estate. Not bad, I like a challenge. Yes, Tammy Ra seems like a duck to water too.Her performance rushed to the first place this season, and the company awarded her a bottle of champagne king and sent her to (ski resort) Whistler for a weekend vacation.Is your company that generous?The sarcasm was wonderful, but it was a little too explicit.Our company is considered a big company in Clayton Falls, but it is nothing compared to Tammy Lam's company in downtown Vancouver.In our company, the person with the highest performance can get a bottle of wine and a plastic medal, which makes him laugh. My mother responded before I could speak: Oh, is she still building a private house?Annie is working on a building where every apartment has a sea view.Didn't you say that building would be the biggest in all of Clayton Falls, didn't you, Annie Bear?I just talked to the construction company, and I haven't even done an introduction yet. My mother knows this very well, but she just likes the feeling of stabbing the heart so much that I can't bear to snatch the knife from her hand. I'm sure Tamera will get the building one day, Val.Maybe Anne can introduce her to do it?Ma smiled at Auntie, and Auntie looked at the tea with an expression like the tea in her mouth had suddenly turned into poison. Of course, Aunt Weier was not to be outdone. I appreciate your kindness, but now Tan Meila thinks that the profit of selling private houses is relatively high, so she doesn't want to spend so many years marketing apartments. Whether they can sell or not is still a problem.However, I'm sure Annie will do well. My mother's face turned so red that I worried about her for a while, but fortunately she forced a smile and changed the subject.God only knows how much the sisters fought each other growing up. Mom always avoids talking about her childhood, but I know that my grandpa ran away when she was very young, and my grandma remarried to another lazy man.Her stepfather had a son, a few years older than her, named Dewitt, the one who had been in prison.He robbed a bank at nineteen, not long before my mother got married.He went to jail, and was released a month after my dad and sister got into a car accident. He was free for only a week before he was arrested and locked up again.Last time, he even shot the guard in the leg.I never met him and my mom refused to talk about him.Once, I didn't know what to do, and asked her to take me to see this uncle, and she suddenly changed her face.You don't want to take a step closer to that man.I quickly said: But, Tamera told me that Aunt Vale often took them to see him, why can't we? Mom slammed the door in front of me. After we rented that crappy house, I came home from school one day to find my mother sitting on the couch, staring at a letter in her hand, with a half bottle of vodka beside her.It looked like she cried. I said: What's the matter, Mom?She just stared at the letter. mom? She said with desperation: I will not let it happen again, absolutely not. A shock of fear ran through my body.What won't you let happen? She picked up the lighter, set fire to the letter, and threw it into the trash can.After being burned to ashes, she picked up the wine bottle and staggered back to her room.I found an envelope on the kitchen table, addressed to the prison.The next morning, the envelope was gone, but she didn't leave home for a week. I interrupted my daydream and heard my mother say: You know, Luke is very similar to your father. Yeah?Some places probably look like it.He's as patient as Dad, that's for sure.We've been talking on the phone a lot lately, and I've decided to help him with the bookkeeping. bookkeeping?She sounded like I just announced my volunteering as a prostitute.Don't you hate bookkeeping? I shrugged.I need to make some money. According to you, you haven't discussed it with your agent or producer yet? I decided I didn't want to make money off of personal experiences anymore.People, including me, make money off of this stuff, it makes me sick. It was the first time I saw an old friend from middle school being interviewed on TV, and I was stunned on the sofa.I haven't seen her in ten years, and she actually told the talk show host about our first experience with marijuana, and also mentioned that we went to an outdoor dance party, and I was drunk and in the back of a guy I had a crush on. Drunk to throw up.Then she read aloud what was said to be a note we had passed around in class.She wasn't one of the meanest bastards who took my virginity and sold her life story to a popular men's magazine and even provided photos from our relationship, one of which was me in a bikini. Mom said: Annie, you really need to think about your luck in not wasting time.She looked concerned.You haven't studied at a college or university, and you probably can't do anything except for performance work.Want to go back to the bank?Well, you go try it and see how people will look at you, a victim of sexual assault.As for helping Luke with bookkeeping, how long can it last? I remember a few days ago, a female filmmaker called.I hung up the phone in a hurry, but she said: I know there are many people looking for you, you must be very annoying, right?If you can listen to me for a few minutes, if you reject me after listening, I promise I will never bother you again.There was a sincerity in her tone that touched my heart, so I let her go on. She said, I can take this opportunity to clarify some facts, and my experience can also benefit women all over the world.Then she said: What made you hesitate?If you are willing to speak out about your scruples, maybe we can cooperate as much as possible. I'm sorry, I only promised to let you chat, but I didn't promise to explain the reason. So she continued to persuade.I felt as if she had full control over my concerns, and she could do what I wanted. She even told me that I would have the final say on the script and casting.In the end, she said, this money will allow me to have enough food and clothing for the rest of my life. I said: I still don't want to, but if I change my mind, you will be the first person I call to discuss. I hope so, but I want you to understand that this condition has a time limit. She was right, and so was Mom.If I procrastinate any longer, it's not just a matter of being one day late or the market falling.However, whether to wait until the end of the mountain as my mother predicted, or to really accept her advice, I don't know which of the two endings is worse. Mom, who was watching TV, looked away and took another big sip of wine.I said: did you give my phone number to a producer? Her hand holding the glass froze in mid-air, her brow furrowed.Did someone call you? Yes, that's why I'm asking you.I can't find my number in the phone book. She shrugged.Those people have a way. Mom, I beg you, don't talk to those people.We stare at each other for a moment, and then she leans her head back on the sofa. I know that I have high demands on you two sisters, but I just hope that your life is better than mine.I waited for her to speak, but she just pointed to the TV with a toasting finger.Remember when I made you two stay up all night watching that?It turned out that what she had been watching intently just now was the trailer of "Gone with the Wind", one of her favorite movies. Remember.You watch it with us, and after the show ends, we all sleep in the living room. The memory made her smile, but she looked sad.When she turned to look at me, she became more preoccupied.It's going to air in an hour.If you're sick, can I stay overnight? Uh, not good.I am used to getting up at seven to go for a morning run, and you and she turn to watch TV.Sudden withdrawal of maternal love, this move deeply hurts me, but I don't want to admit it.Well, yes, it's good to have someone to accompany you.It is probably unwise to go for a morning jog when you are so ill. She smiled at me and patted my shawl-covered feet.Then I'll stay, Annie Bear.She hauled cushions from another sofa and began building a bed in the middle of the living room floor.She blushed with joy when she asked me where I kept the spare blanket, and I thought, well, better than hiding in the hallway cupboard for another night.I must have been thinking all night, why didn't the thief steal anything? That night, Wayne came to pick her up, and she told Wayne to go home by himself, and then we ate popcorn, Annie Bear cookies, ice cream, and watched Gone with the Wind, and finally Mom fell asleep, her petite body against my back, Knees retract into the sockets of my knees.Her breath made my back itchy, and she put her hand on me. I looked at the little hand against my skin, and realized that this was the first time someone had physically touched me since I went down the mountain.I turned my head away to keep the tears from dripping on her hands. Come to think of it, doctor, every time I say something bad about my mother, I always try to list all the good things about her right away, which is an abstract act of knocking on wood for luck.The thing is, my mom isn't bad to the bone.It would be easier if I could simply hate her.The rare instances where she radiates maternal brilliance make it harder for me to accept her indifference.