Chapter 8 Chapter 7 Where is the Township Pass?

one The title of this article is taken from the famous line in the poem "Yellow Crane Tower" by Cui Hao, a poet of the Tang Dynasty.The Yanbo River makes people worry.It seems that Cui Hao climbed to the Yellow Crane Tower at dusk, alone, and suddenly felt a strong sense of abandonment.Abandoned by whom?Not by someone, but by time and space.In terms of time, the ancients drifted away and never came back, leaving white clouds for thousands of years; in terms of space, although there are clear rivers, sandbanks and lush trees and grasses, where is my hometown?Cui Hao's hometown is in Kaifeng, Henan Province, which is a little far away from the Yellow Crane Tower, but not too far away. This is known to many people, so why does he still ask such a question?I think any wanderer who left his hometown in his early years will have a duality when he misses his hometown: his hometown in his heart is both specific and not specific.It can be specific to a river bend, a few small trees, and half of the moss; but if it is just that, the thirsty longing can be converted into the action of returning home.However, when I really go back to my hometown, I am always disappointed. Is it true that all this haunts my heart every day?It's like suddenly seeing a too realistic illustration behind a passionate famous poem, and the poetic flavor disappears.Therefore, real wanderers are not very willing to go back to their hometown. Even if they go back occasionally, they will leave quickly, and they will miss endlessly while walking outside, and finally ask themselves where their hometown is.

It is said that when Li Bai ascended the Yellow Crane Tower, he saw Cui Hao's inscription on the wall of the building and admired it very much. He thought that since he had such a poem, he didn't need to write it.I think that if the proud Li Bai really took a fancy to this poem, it must not be because of other aspects, but because of this confused mentality of standing on a high ground and asking himself where his hometown is.Because on this point, Li Bai deeply sympathized. As long as there is a Chinese with a little knowledge of literature and ink, there is probably no one who can recite Li Bai's poem about the bright moonlight in front of the window, suspecting that it is frost on the ground, raising his head to look at the bright moon, and bowing his head to think of his hometown. Everyone has become an ardent homesicker for decades.But where is Li Bai's hometown?I didn't think about it seriously.In the few years when there were almost no books to read during the Cultural Revolution, Guo Moruo's "Li Bai and Du Fu" suddenly came out. Find it quickly. Guo Moruo's criticism and mockery of Du Fu are few people can accept, but his respect for Li Bai The detailed textual research on the place of origin and place of birth made me extremely melancholy.Guo Moruo determined that Li Bai's birthplace, Suiye in the Western Regions, was in a place in the Soviet Union. When the book was published, Sino-Soviet relations were tense, so it seemed more distant and more isolated, almost in another world.After seeing Li Bai, is it that place that Mingyue lowered her head to miss?

The strange thing is that the poet who wrote the first nostalgic poem in China never returned to his hometown.Are you busy?No, he has been traveling all his life, and he has not taken on many important tasks that cannot be shirked. It is not too difficult to return home, but he always finds strange roads to trek.At a crossroads, where one road leads directly to his hometown and the other leads to a foreign land, Li Bai may hesitate for a moment, but he still takes the second road cruelly.Japanese scholar Matsuura Tomohisa said that Li Bai had to strive to keep himself in the experience of being in a foreign land all his life, so he became a non-stop wanderer, which I think makes sense.

The experience of being in a foreign country is very unique.At first glance, when you are in a foreign land, you will be exposed to strange things, and your original self will become more and more fragile, and you will even be assimilated by the foreign land. In fact, things are far from that simple.Everything that is alien to us will elicit thoughts about ourselves from the negative side, and the landscape in a foreign land will remind people of the starting point of our own life. Therefore, the more we are in a foreign land, the more nostalgic it will be.The thicker the nostalgia, the more afraid to go back, the more afraid to go back, the more willing to connect myself with my hometown, which has become a terrible cycle. As a result, I have avoided traveling in my hometown all my life, avoiding all the way, and thinking about the same way.

Whose jade flute is flying in the dark, Scatter into the spring breeze to fill Los Angeles. In this nocturne I hear the broken willows, Who can't afford the love of hometown! Lanling fine wine tulips, The jade bowl filled with amber light. But to make the master drunk, I don't know where is another country. You see, only when he is completely drunk will he lose his sense of foreignness, and on the surface, he has made his home all over the world. I think that one of the most important things in life is the deep blending of foreign experience and hometown consciousness, and the complementarity of wandering desire and returning consciousness.This flavor, crossing borders and transcending ancient and modern times, is a paradox of life that is always full of charm, which is endlessly fascinating.

Two years ago, the famous director Pan Xiaoyang filmed Ai Wu's "Southern Journey". The scene that moved me the most was the appearance of Ai Wu himself.The old man once shocked the Chinese literary world with his arduous and magnificent travel accounts, but on the camera, he has been tortured by the age, his face is haggard, and he is sitting in a wheelchair with an expression of indifference.A singing sounded outside the screen, to the effect: Mom, I still have to travel far. Nothing in the world is more ecstasy than traveling far.Is this the old man shouting from the bottom of his heart?He could no longer walk, in fact he was close to the end of his life at that time, but in this song his eyes suddenly lit up and trembled like tears.He raised his head proudly, staring hungrily into the distance.The starting point of all travelers is always to say goodbye to their mother, no matter how far they go, they always have a mother in their hearts, and secretly ask their mother for forgiveness along the way, but their end point is aging, no matter whether they settle in their real hometown or not.Their mother is of course gone, and so the returning traveler has changed from one kind of orphan to another.After all, such a return is desolate, but their aging bodies prevent them from leaving again, so they can only express this wish to their mother who is in the dark.It is unavoidable for an old man in his twilight years to call his mother, and it is impossible not to move people. He has spent his whole life calling for return and wandering.

Not long ago I read a short essay by old man Bing Xin titled "Where is My Home?"The ninety-four-year-old old writer first attracted the attention of readers as a traveler. She traveled around the world, lived in many different countries and cities, and finally settled in Beijing. She is truly an unknown Where are the liberals from other places?However, the old man has often inadvertently returned home in his dreams over the years. Where should he go home?Logically speaking, a woman's home after she becomes a housewife and has a complete sense of family is the real home. In her dream, old man Bing Xin should go back to any family she made her home as an adult, no matter which city it is in; The strange thing is that in her dream, every time she encounters a situation where she wants to go home, she always returns to the home of Girls' Generation.A circle that has been going on for a whole century has finally returned to its original place, and the white-haired old man and the innocent girl have merged into one.So, do these old man Bing Xin's dreams of returning home fundamentally negate her life's wandering journey?of course not.If the old man Bing Xin never left the home in the early years, then today's dream of going home would lose any meaning.In a general sense, home is a kind of life; in a profound sense, home is a kind of missing.Only those who travel far have the ardent yearning for home, so only those who travel far have a home in a profound sense.

The song in Ai Wu's heart and the home in Bing Xin's dream echo each other even though they go in different directions.They are all old people of the century, and they all have the good feeling of an artist. They really summed up the big structure of life journey. Whether it is Li Bai, Cui Hao, Bing Xin, or Ai Wu, they are all very good at writing, and we can talk about it with their poems, but in fact, many of the stronger feelings of wandering and homesickness are hard to express. It can only be fully experienced by a small heart. When this heart stops beating, all these things will be lost, maybe lost in the waves, maybe buried in the jungle, maybe condensed in a foreign country In the windows of an old building.So, overall, it's a wordless epic.Every major social change in Chinese history will bring about the migration and travel of many people, either without hesitation or helplessness, but they will all enter this silent epic in the end, choking with sobs and soul-stirring.You can see that no matter how remote the corners of China are, there are white-haired overseas Chinese who come from afar, weeping and crying. They come in a hurry and leave in a hurry. Without asking myself the reason, I wiped away my tears and walked away into the distance with beard and hair fluttering.

two My hometown is Chetou Village, Qiaotou Township, Yuyao County, Zhejiang Province. I was born, grew up, studied there, and left after graduating from primary school.More than ten years ago, this township was assigned to Cixi County, so I don't know how to call the place name of my hometown.It is very embarrassing to always draw a pen and think for a while when filling in the native place on various forms.Sometimes I think that it should be based on the time I was there, so I fill in Yuyao; but sometimes I think that if I fill it in like this, it will be very troublesome for someone to check Qiaotou Township on the current map of Yuyao but can’t find it, so Filled Cixi again.Of course, it is also possible to fill in the fact that it belongs to Yuyao and now belongs to Cixi, etc., but the birthplace column of the general form cannot fit so many characters. All the answers are so hesitant and ambiguous!

I don't want to blame the officials who changed the action zone too much, they must have their own reasons.But they may not know that it is difficult to estimate the confusion that this change will bring to the wanderers.Just like swallows flying far away, when they come back after a large circle around the mountains, south and seas with the seasons, the nests on the roof beams are still there, but the owner of the house has changed, and the structure of the house has also changed. Chirping, chirping, chirping, circling around, a big Cui Hao-like question mark appeared. In fact, I am even more panicked than those swallows, because I can't even find the old nest.The house where I was born and raised has been sold long ago, and there are no relatives in the village in the strict sense. If I go back like I am now, no one will know me, and I can’t think of a house where I can eat or sleep overnight.This is actually my hometown, my only hometown in this world!On the morning when I left in the early years, the night had not yet faded and the morning mist was misty, and the sleepy eyes of the little boy made the night and morning mist even thicker.With such a sloppy farewell, I always thought there would be a grand reparation, but in fact, everything in the world cannot be made up, so I scribbled on the long journey away from home.

What I left was a very poor village.If a family is so poor that a child accidentally breaks a rough porcelain bowl during dinner, the parents will chase and beat them frantically, and the neighbors take this kind of pursuit for granted.There is no serious habit of sitting at the table to eat. At most, a small crooked wooden table is placed on the mud floor at the door, and the family will set up some dishes after serving the meal there, squatting here and there with the bowl, swaying around. Scrape in the mouth, so there are many chances for the child to break the bowl.Thick black palms swung across the child like a storm, and he carefully picked up the broken bowl pieces and put them together. A few days later, the bowl repairer came with a burden and spent a long time mending the broken bowl.Patchwork and unpatchwork rough china bowls rarely hold a bowl of white rice, despite the abundance of rice here.Occasionally, which one eats white rice, there is usually a bowl of dried plums steamed in the rice wok, so the double aroma has been floating in the whole village before the lid of the wok is lifted, and this double aroma is still considered a classic combination until today.The snow-white and translucent rice is topped with a handful of black and shiny dried plums, and the color combination is both calm and strong. It is said that it belongs to Yuyao, but it is actually dozens of miles away from Yuyao County.The only thing Yuyao can talk about among the villagers is that there is a hospital called Yangming Hospital, which looks like a mountain. style!The villagers sighed, but they never dreamed of going to such a hospital for medical treatment.No one died in the hospital. They thought that they would rather die many years earlier than not die at home.Going out for funerals in the countryside makes the children more happy than getting married, because the destination of the funeral is in the mountains, and they follow in a mighty way, which is a lively group outing.The funeral places in this area are all on the hillsides around Shanglin Lake. The funeral procession fluttered paper banners and wailed melodiously. Once they turned into the mountains, they all relaxed, because there were no people in the mountains, and the paper banners and cries lost their audiovisual objects.A gust of mountain wind made everyone quiet and relaxed. The paper streamers that were held upright in both hands just now were casually carried on the shoulders. Apart from the tombs, the mountain was covered with dense layers of red bayberry trees. The villagers were very skilled, so they glanced at it Then discuss the harvest of red bayberry this year. The harvest season of red bayberry is very short. After one or two days, it will be flooded, soft and rotten, making it impossible to eat.But its ripeness is menacing, and it is not easy to quickly dispose of the fruits gushing out from all over the mountains and plains in an instant.At the time when transportation was extremely inconvenient, the only thing the villagers could do was to let go of their stomachs and eat desperately.I also gave a few baskets to relatives, but the relatives lived not far away. Every mountain in the area was rich in red bayberry, and the gift became an exchange. Under the eaves of every household, there were baskets of bayberry picked from different nearby mountain ridges. They can all squat on the edge and eat slowly for several hours, muttering and commenting on the temper of each mountain this year, which mountain is angry, which mountain is pretending to be stupid, just like commenting on their own children.Where are the children?They all went up the mountain and climbed on any bayberry tree to pick and eat.The bright red fruits will not be touched, only pick those that are so red and black but still hard, put it in your mouth, it is sweet and slightly sour, tough and chewy, take a full sip of the strong flavor The plum core was spat out vigorously, and the one in his hand was pressed into his lips again.These days they can stay on the mountain all day long, full of red bayberries, and the family saves a few bowls of rice, and the parents think it is a good thing.It's just that when I go home in the evening, a white shirt is often stained with fruit juice, dark red and light crimson, as if returning from a bloody battlefield.Mother didn't blame her, and she didn't clean it up. She couldn't wash it off these days, but after the red bayberry season passed, the stains would naturally fade away, and she couldn't see anything after rubbing her clothes in the river water. Children climb on the tree to pick and eat plum trees. After a long time, their mouths will change from sweet and sour to numb.They climbed down from the tree, showing their swollen bellies, licking their numb lips, walked to the lake, rinsed their mouths with the lake water, and played on the lake.The water in Shanglin Lake is very clear, and there are shoals near the shore. It is a bit cold to go into the water with bare feet during the plum tree harvest season, but it goes down after a few cheers.There are many slippery and hard pieces under the feet. When I bent down to pick them up, I found that they were porcelain and pottery pieces. It seemed that many utensils had been broken here.Step by step, it's all there.Those porcelain and pottery pieces have been washed by the lake for many years, and the cracks at the corners are no longer sticky. Look carefully, the glaze is clear, the thickness is even, and the curvature is exquisite. I don’t know how better than the rough porcelain rice bowls broken at home. went.what on earth is it?Could it be that many rich and wealthy families lived here?But there are no relics of houses here, and there is no decent road around. How do rich people live their lives?Holding the debris and looking back, no one will answer the silent mountain and the dull cloud. The children rubbed the debris with their small hands, then bowed their heads sideways, and threw the debris towards the water to see if it could jump. few times.This game is called water chipping. Several children competed. The mysterious fragments jumped and ran on the lake. The calm Shanglin Lake plowed into ripples. After a while, the ripples returned to calm. And all the secrets they brought with them sank to the bottom of the lake. I had a faint feeling that my hometown may have been a place that was once very successful, and I don't know when it was broken.It was so thoroughly broken, it was like a landslide, and it was like a family collapsed gradually.In order not to let future generations see such traces, all fragments of remnant dreams were submerged by the lake water, and only a few mended rough porcelain bowls were left for future generations, filled with some white rice, dried plums and vegetables to live in a state of mindlessness.Suddenly, I feel that dried plum vegetables have the flavor of historical relics. I don’t know how many days they have been baked. They turn from green to brown, from tender to dry, and they curl up and wither to preserve a little bit of agarwood.If those old men who mend bowls came to the lake, and the children picked up piles of exquisite broken porcelain and broken pottery and asked them to mend, what kind of objects would they mend?It must be huge and exquisite, right?Maybe it will buzz or maybe it will be silent?The old men who mend the bowl will be frightened by it again after mending the object, and have to tiptoe and push it back to the bottom of the lake before fleeing in a hurry. I left my hometown in 1957. After eating red bayberry and saying goodbye to the ancestral grave beside Shanglin Lake, I came to Yuyao County. I didn’t have time to pay my respects to the Yangming Hospital, which I had been dreaming of for a long time, so I immediately went to Shanghai. train.I happened to be ten years old that year. I waved goodbye to my uncle who sent me to Yuyao County at the train window, and timidly started my solitary journey.In my small luggage bag, there is a bottle of red bayberry soaked in wine and a pack of dried plums, just like the most standard Yuyao people.Along the way, I have been regretting that I didn’t pick up a few pieces of broken porcelain in Shanglin Lake and take them with me as a souvenir. three I came to Shanghai to take the middle school entrance examination.My father used to work alone in Shanghai, but the whole family moved here shortly after I arrived. From then on, the necessity and possibility of returning to my hometown is no longer great, and the meaning of my hometown has also become less and less meaningful, sometimes so pale that I can hardly see it. gone. The first step in getting rid of your hometown is getting rid of your dialect.Although Yuyao is not far from Shanghai, the Yuyao dialect is very different from the Shanghai dialect. I believe that a purely Yuyao dialect speaker must have difficulty walking on the streets of Shanghai.Yuyao dialect is different from its neighbors Shaoxing dialect in the west and Ningbo dialect in the east. I remember that when I was in the countryside, I heard a few words with Shaoxing accent or Ningbo accent from the shopkeepers and hawkers. He imitated and mocked, laughing at how there are such people who can't speak in the world.The old people in the village corrected the pronunciation of the outsider solemnly, and then shook their heads and sighed, saying that outsiders are just stupid.This kind of language concept has gradually dissipated since I stepped on the train, because I was surprised to find that the adults who talked to me very kindly had a hard time listening to me, and sometimes they even had to write it down on paper before they suddenly understood, haha Laughing, the voice of my speech in the laughter became smaller and smaller, and finally I didn't even want to talk to them.When I arrived in Shanghai, I could hardly communicate with my surroundings in words, and I was depressed all day long. Once, the adults took me to a relative’s house. It was a wealthy family with a piano. There was a boy who was three years younger than me sitting beside the piano. In terms of seniority, I should still call him Uncle Cousin.I think he is also a child and a relative, so we should be able to talk. He was very happy to see me and shook hands with me friendly, but he only said a few words. I can understand his Shanghai dialect, but he listened to me. They didn't understand my Yuyao dialect, so they spoiled each other's fun and played their own way.The saddest thing was my first day in middle school, when the teacher somehow made me stand up and answer questions.I blushed and held back for quite a while and finally poured out my mouthful of Yuyao words. I believe that the teacher and the whole class must have been confused at that time, and they had no idea what I was talking about.When I finished speaking, it was the teacher who held back. His bewildered eyes flashed behind the thick glasses, and finally transformed into a kind smile, and said very well, please sit down.Now it's the students' turn to be silly, the teacher said it was good?They thought they should answer questions in this strange language when they were in middle school, and they all panicked. Fortunately, the children who were just in their early ten years old were very honest at that time. They played with me immediately after class and never asked me about my language origin. I also quickly learned their accent while playing. Only one month later, when When another teacher asked me to stand up and answer the question, I was already speaking very pure Shanghainese.The short language barrier jumped so quickly that no one of my junior high school classmates knew that I came to Shanghai from Yuyao to sit with them. Looking back on this incident, I am still very surprised. I actually learned the Shanghainese dialect in a month, and the Shanghainese dialect is very difficult to learn.The difficulty of learning Shanghai dialect does not lie in the complexity of the language but in the weird mentality of the Shanghainese. Cantonese can tolerate non-standard Cantonese spoken by outsiders. Beijingers can tolerate Beijing dialect mixed with local dialects, but Shanghainese do not. Allow others to speak nondescript Shanghainese.Someone tried to tell it, and almost all the people in Shanghai would ask him for help, so as not to hurt their ears.This gang is nothing to worry about, so that a large number of cadres who have lived in Shanghai for more than 40 years still dare not speak a word of Shanghai dialect.The reason why I was able to learn it quickly was because I was young, and my sensitivity to language was strong, but my sensitivity to self-esteem and self-shaming was relatively weak. Instead, I entered a relaxed state, without any hindrance, and learned it as soon as I learned it.I escaped from the self-satisfied psychological defense of the Shanghainese, and became a Shanghainese all at once.Sometimes I also think, why are Shanghainese complacent about their language?Almost all of their predecessors came here from other places, and only after they arrived in Shanghai did they gradually lose their local dialect and adopt Shanghai dialect; and Shanghai dialect is not the original language of this land, the original language is Songjiang dialect, Qingpu dialect, and Pudong dialect. , but was ridiculed by the people of Shanghai.Shanghai dialect is something like artificial crab meat, but it can force visitors from all walks of life to squeeze out their own freshness and enter its plate. Once a person or a family enters Shanghai, it is tantamount to entering a magic circle. One must carefully wash away any traces of non-Shanghai culture, especially if there is still some local accent in the Shanghai dialect that one has learned, it will be like arresting people. Try as hard as flies and mosquitoes to get rid of them.When I first arrived in Shanghai, I could often hear some older people uttering Ningbo accent or northern Jiangsu accent in the market, but this kind of accent basically doesn’t exist in their next generation, and now you can’t learn from one Judging his origin from the conversation of the young Shanghainese.Like the accent, the connection between these Shanghainese and their hometown has basically disappeared, but it is impossible for them to write Shanghai when they fill in their native place.As a result, the Shanghainese became a group of rootless people who didn't know where they came from or which piece of land they belonged to. They were proud and pitiful.From this, I became envious of those seniors who still did not change their accents when they were old. They talked about their hometown alive, and announced their own life orientation with a single mouth. I speak Shanghainese every day. Later, with the further expansion of my living space, I began to use Mandarin as the basic language of communication. Yuyao dialect receded farther and farther, and finally it was difficult to speak out smoothly from my mouth.I have finally become a person who basically does not speak Yuyao dialect well. Only during the season when bayberry is in the market in May of the lunar calendar, the fruit stalls in Shanghai will mark all bayberry as Yuyao bayberry. When selling, I will stop for a while and look at it with the eyes of an expert. Looking at the fineness of bayberry, the water, light and cloud shadow of Shanglin Lake appeared in my mind.But in a blink of an eye, I joined the rainy footsteps in the market again. My hometown was just lost by me. My hometown just lost me like this. Four It was after I went to college that I picked up my hometown again, but what I picked up were all fragments.I am playing a game of hide-and-seek with my hometown; it seems that I can't find anything, and suddenly it stands upright in front of my eyes, and I am about to reach out to grab it, but it is empty, and when I turn around, it appears again in a corner Soon after entering university, I went to the countryside to work. In those years, I went to the countryside to work a lot. I spent more than half of my time in the countryside when I went to university.Of course, the countryside is not my hometown, the same huts and rivers, the same grass, trees and crops, but I have been working endlessly in the soil of a foreign land, so why did I leave my hometown in the first place?Just thinking about it, a bookstore manager who also came to the countryside to work stood beside me. He looked at the land in front of him for a while without speaking, and finally asked me softly: Where are you from? Yuyao.Yuyao, Zhejiang.I answered. The hometown of Wang Yangming is amazing!Many of the bookstore managers at that time were people who had read a lot of books. He seemed to be ignited by something, and suddenly became excited. Do you know that there was a general in Japan who hung a plaque on his belt all his life, which said that he worshiped the king all his life? Yangming!Even Chiang Kai-shek worshiped Wang Yangming, and changed Caoshan to Yangmingshan after arriving in Taiwan!There is probably only one Yangming Hospital left in your hometown, right? I was in shock, and I became even more flustered when he said Yangming Hospital.What?Yang Ming Hospital?Is that commemorating Wang Yangming?It turned out that the Yangming Hospital I had been hearing from the villagers since I was a child turned out to be like this! I didn't care about the manager of the bookstore anymore, and stood alone on the ridge of the field, sighing for Wang Yangming.He earned face for his hometown, but his hometown didn't know him, including me.I, Mr. Wang Yangming, a fellow student who was born more than 500 years later than you, can I start to know you, represent my hometown and future generations, and express a little regret? From then on, I paid close attention to all kinds of information about Wang Yangming.What is irritating is that almost all books and articles in mainland China at that time took a negative attitude as long as they talked about Wang Yangming. Double reaction.I don't know any truly first-class university scholars in China's thousands of years of history who were thorough materialists and firmly stood on the side of the peasant uprising. Qi: How could you bully us Yuyao people like this!How can there be such a reason in the world to scold him after gaining his reputation for so many years? I collected everything about him bit by bit, and finally realized more and more that even if he is not from Yuyao, I would deeply admire him, and just because he is from Yuyao, I am sincerely proud of him and my hometown.In Chinese history, there are many people who are capable of both literature and martial arts, but there are very few people who are perfect in both aspects.During the Three Kingdoms period, Cao Cao and Zhuge Liang were both capable of fighting and talented in literature, but they failed to overlook history in the comprehensive creation of culture; who is a master of culture and good at leading troops in battle?Xin Qiji of the Song Dynasty can be regarded as one, but he cannot be said to be an outstanding military strategist.It seems that everything has to wait for the appearance of Wang Yangming before the miracle can really happen.Wang Yangming is an undoubted military genius. For the stability of the society and the court, he fought rebels and rebels. He fought big battles. The neat and beautiful action was also the most important military action in the country at that time.Emperor Shizong of the Ming Dynasty named him Xinjian Bo in recognition of his military contributions.I was fortunate enough to read a greeting letter he wrote to his father on the front line of hand-to-hand combat. This letter described the continuous fierce battle with ease, described the complicated military strategy and political strategy as a game, and described himself in a plagued area. The important matter of finally getting sick is even more indifferent, and the paper is full of the demeanor of a general. "History of Ming Dynasty" said that throughout the Ming Dynasty, civil servants used soldiers, and no one could compare with him.This is certainly good, but he is not an ordinary civil servant, but one of the few greatest philosophers in Chinese history, so his particularity goes far beyond the Ming Dynasty.I think Zeng Guofan in the Qing Dynasty was the one who really used soldiers as civil servants. Zeng Guofan's knowledge was also good, but he was obviously far behind Wang Yangming.In my opinion, Wang Yangming's philosophy, which has been criticized by people, is a great achievement in the history of the development of wisdom of the Chinese nation, and there are not many people who are qualified to criticize it.Please listen casually: When you haven't looked at this flower, this flower will go to silence with you; when you look at this flower, the color of this flower will become clear for a moment What a superb comprehension, what a delicate expression!I know that many smart people would use the objectivity of flowers to refute him angrily, but what a clumsy rebuttal that is!Another example is the eternal proposition he put forward to conscience, so trusting in people, so contemptuous of dogma, and even having such earnest expectations for the natural growth of some common human norms, at least for me, only those who respectfully study share. Wang Yangming's dazzling brilliance also made him suffer a lot. He was imprisoned, sceptered, relegated, escaped from plots, and neglected. He was a traveler who traveled to Kyushu, and finally died of illness on a boat in Nan'an, Jiangxi Province. He only lived to be fifty-seven years old.When the student asked him his last words when he was about to die, he said that his heart is bright, so what can he say! Whether the battles Wang Yangming commanded in his life is just or not, and whether his philosophical views are correct or not can be discussed, but no one can deny that he is a particularly strong person, and that is why I am proud of him first.It is a matter of chance whether you will encounter a war, but as a strong person, even if you are not on the battlefield, you can be as tough as a general in terms of cultural integrity.I saw an exemplary existence in Wang Yangming, but in order for my life to settle down, I had to add examples.After looking through the historical records for several years, I found that in the history of Chinese culture after Wang Yangming, there are few things that fascinate me the most. Among the few masters, there are still two from Yuyao, they are Huang Zongxi and Zhu Shunshui. Both Huang Zongxi and Zhu Shunshui can be called bloody men full of knowledge.Born in troubled times, they use their own skinny and proud bones to support the personality coordinates of the whole society, so troubled times also get a kind of spiritual extradition.I have mentioned the deeds of Mr. Huang Zongxi many times in previous essays, and I can see how deeply I admire him, so I would like to say a few more words today.You see, when he was nineteen years old in Beijing, in order to avenge his country and his family, he held an iron awl and stabbed them in the face when he saw the remnants of Wei Zhongxian. He stabbed eight people in a row and caused a sensation in the whole capital. Are you called a refined Jiangnan literati?Yes, it is Yuyao scribes in the south of the Yangtze River!The whole body is strong enough to shock the heroes of Qilu and the heroes of Yanzhao.When the dynasty changed, he dared to summon rebels and form a camp. After his failure, he immediately devoted himself to academics, and soon stood upright as a historical master and an encyclopedic cultural giant.Zhu Shunshui is similar. After many years of running and calling in the ranks of soldiers but failed, he resolutely died overseas at an advanced age. He fully promoted the most profound and emotional part of Chinese culture to Japan, and created a cultural exchange between China and Japan with continuous efforts for more than 20 years. Great achievements in history and the history of Asian cultural development.The gray-haired man stood on the seaside of Japan looking west again and again, weeping uncontrollably. He missed his hometown Yuyao until his death, but the Japanese people who worshiped him devoutly kept his remains and grave forever. When Liang Qichao talked about Wang Yangming, Zhu Shunshui, Huang Zongxi's family and Shao Jinhan's family in the Ming and Qing academic circles, he couldn't help admiring Yuyao.He said: Yuyao is only a mere city, but during the two hundred years from the middle of the Ming Dynasty to the middle of the Qing Dynasty, a large number of masters of Confucianism emerged, and the style of study spread all over the country and Haidong.Master Yangming through the ages, it doesn't matter; Zhu Shunshui used his loneliness to restrain guests, and opened the Tokugawa family in Japan for three hundred years of peace; The academic focus of the Ming and Qing Dynasties is the succession of the past and the future; the Shaw family has risen continuously from Lu Gong and Nian Lu Gong to the two clouds.Those who give birth to Sibang, smell its wind, absorb its flow, and get its clues are enough to establish themselves outstandingly. (Zhongduan is Huang Zunsu, Huang Zongxi's father, Lizhou is Huang Zongxi, Huimu is Huang Zongyan, Zhuyi is Huang Baijia. Duke Lu is Shao Zengke, Duke Nianlu is Shao Tingcai, and Eryun is Shao Jinhan.) Liang Qichao is a native of Xinhui, Guangdong. He praised Yuyao so passionately from the entire Chinese cultural territory, and he was not suspected of boasting from his fellow villagers.I can also be regarded as the person who gave birth to Sibang mentioned by Liang Qichao. Although I have never stood up on my own, I have heard the wind and absorbed the flow. I can't help asking myself, what kind of wind and flow is it?I think it is a kind of mysterious transmission of personality, and this kind of transmission is not direct, but integrated into the mountains, rivers, land, customs and customs of my hometown, which is invisible and long-lasting.This reminds me of Fan Zhongyan's famous quote: The clouds and mountains are green, the rivers are vast, Mr. Feng, the mountain is high and the water is long. I couldn't help laughing after writing these sixteen words, because Fan Zhongyan said these few words when he commented on Yan Ziling, a famous scholar in the Han Dynasty, and Yan Ziling was from Yuyao.I'm sorry, it was not my intention to let him play. From this, I feel that I have truly found my hometown. ｜Later, I learned from Mr. Yao Yexin's great book "The Famous City of Yuyao" that it was Japanese Navy Admiral Togo Heihachiro, who engraved the seven characters of bowing his head and worshiping Yangming all his life on a seal he carried with him. five I find my hometown stalking and surrounding me, sometimes to a funny point. The simplest example is that after I entered the Shanghai Theater Academy to study, I found that Professor Zhu Duanjun and Professor Gu Zhong, who had the highest academic prestige in the academy at that time, were both from Yuyao.How did this happen? Didn’t I bid farewell to Yuyao? After finally entering university, I fell headfirst into the hands of Yuyao people. In recent years, there have been more strange things.Once I participated in a professor review group in Shanghai. Several review members from various universities sat together and found that their accents were close to each other. My answer made them suspect that I was pretending to be a fellow countryman for fun, and they didn't believe it until I almost swear to God.At this time, Professor Wang Shuizhao from Fudan University, who was a new jury member, just walked in. Everyone asked him quickly, and Professor Wang replied very quietly: Yuyao. 就在這次評審回家，母親愉快地告訴我，有一個她不認識的鄉下朋友來過電話，用地道的餘姚話與她交談了很久。問了半天我才弄明白，那是名揚國際的英語語言學家陸谷孫教授，我原先以為他似乎理所當然應該是英國籍的世界公民。 前兩年對舊上海世俗社會的心理結構產生了興趣，在研究中左挑右篩，選中了海上聞人黃金榮和大世界的創辦者黃楚九作為重點剖析對象，還曾戲稱為二黃之學。但研究剛開始遇到二黃的籍貫我不禁頹然廢筆，傻坐良久。二黃並沒有給故鄉增添多少美譽，這兩位同鄉在上海一度發揮的奇異威力使我對故鄉的內涵有了另一方面的判斷。 故鄉也有很丟人的時候。文化大革命時期把嚴子陵、王陽明、黃宗羲、朱舜水的紀念碑亭全部砸爛，這雖然痛心卻也可以想像，因為當時整個中國大陸沒有一個地方不是這樣做的；但餘姚發生的武鬥之慘烈和長久，則是出乎想像之外的。餘姚人打殺餘姚人，打到長長的鐵路線獨獨因餘姚而癱瘓在那裏，上海的街頭貼滿了武鬥雙方的宣言書，實在丟人現眼，讓一切在外的餘姚人都抬不起頭來。難道黃宗羲、朱舜水的剛烈之風已經演變成這個樣子了？王陽明呼喚的良知已經纖毫無存？在那些人心惶惶的夜晚，我在上海街頭尋找著那些宣言書，既怕看又想看。昏黃的燈光照著血腥的詞句，就文詞而言，也許應該說是當時全國各地同類宣言書中寫得最酣暢漂亮的，但這使我更加難過，就像聽到華麗的男中音罵出了一串髒話，而這個男中音又恰恰是從我家舊門傳出，如何消受得住。如果前後左右沒有人看見，我會從牆上撕下這些宣言書，扯成最細的紙丁，塞進陰溝，然後做賊般逃走。 我怕有人看見，卻又希望故鄉能在冥冥中看到我的這些舉動。我懷疑它看到了，我甚至能感覺到它蒼老的顫抖。它多麼不願意掏出最後的老底來為自己正名，苦苦憋了幾年，終於忍不住，就在武鬥現場附近，一九七三年，袒露出一個震驚世界的河姆渡！袒露在不再有嚴子陵、王陽明、黃宗羲、朱舜水任何遺跡的土地上，袒露在一種無以言表的荒涼之中。要不然，有幾位大師在前面光彩著，河姆渡再晚個千把年展示出來也是不慌的。 河姆渡著實又使家鄉風光頓生。一個整整七千年的文化遺址，而人們平日說起華夏歷史總是五千年。河姆渡雄辯地證明，長江流域並不長久是茹毛飲血的南蠻之地而愧對黃河文明，恰恰相反，這兒也是中華民族的溫暖故鄉。當自己的故鄉突然變成了全民族的故鄉，這種心理滋味是很複雜的，既有榮耀感又有失落感。總算是一件不同凡響的好事吧，從七十年代開始，中國的一切歷史教科書的前面幾頁都有了餘姚河姆渡這個名稱。 後來，幾位大師逐一恢復名譽，與河姆渡遙相呼應，故鄉的文化份量就顯得有點超重。記得前年我與表演藝術家張瑞芳和畫家程十發一起到日本去，在東京新大谷飯店的一個宴會廳裏，與一群日本的漢學家坐在一起閒聊，不知怎麼說起了我的籍貫，好幾個日本朋友誇張地瞪起了眼，嘴裏發出荷荷的感嘆聲，像是在倒吸冷氣。他們雖然不太熟悉嚴子陵和黃宗羲，卻大談王陽明和朱舜水，最後又談到了河姆渡，倒吸冷氣的聲音始終不斷。他們一再把手按在我的手背上要我確信，我的家鄉是神土，是福地。 同桌只有兩位陶藝專家平靜地安坐著，人們向我解釋，他們來參加宴會是因為過幾天也要去中國大陸考察古代陶瓷。我想中止一下倒吸冷氣的聲音，便把臉轉向他們，隨口問他們將會去中國什麼地方，他們的回答譯員翻不出來，只能請他們寫，寫在紙條上的字居然是慈溪｜上林湖！ 我無法說明慈溪也是我的家鄉，因為這會使剛才還在為餘姚喝采的日本朋友疑惑不解，但我實在壓抑不住內心的激動，告訴兩位陶藝專家：上林湖，是我小時候三天兩頭去玩水的地方。兩位陶藝專家驚訝地看了我一眼，從口袋裡取出一疊照片，上面照的全是陶瓷的碎片。 ｜一點不錯，這正是我常年與小朋友一起從湖底摸起，讓它們在湖面上跳躍奔跑的那些碎片！ 兩位陶藝專家告訴我，據他們所知，上林湖就是名垂史冊的越窯所在地，從東漢直至唐、宋，那裡曾分布過一百多個窯場，既有官窯又有民窯，國際陶瓷學術界已經稱上林湖為舉世罕見的露天青瓷博物館。我專注而又失神地聽著，連點頭也忘了。竟然是這樣！一個從小留在心底的謎，輕輕地解開於異國他鄉。謎底的輝煌，超過我曾經作過的最大膽的想像。想想從東漢到唐、宋這段漫長的風華年月吧，曹操、唐明皇、武則天的盤盞，王羲之、陶淵明、李白的酒杯，都有可能燒成於上林湖邊。家鄉細潔的泥土、家鄉清澈的湖水、家鄉熱烈的炭火，曾經鑄就過無數哺育民族生命的美麗載體，天天送到那些或是開朗、或是苦澀的嘴邊。這便是我從小就想尋找的屬於故鄉的大器嗎？我難道已經如此迅速地在一家遙遠的外國旅館裡把它修復了嗎？我不知道今天上林湖邊，村民們是否還在用易碎的粗瓷飯碗，不知道今天上林湖底，是否還沉積著那麼多碎片，聽這兩位日木陶藝專家說，這些碎片現今在國際市場上的標價極其昂貴。 six 從日本回來後，我一直期待著一次故鄉之行，對於一個好不容易修補起來了的家鄉，我不應該繼續躲避。正好餘姚市政府聘請我擔任文化顧問，我就在今年秋天回去了一次。一直好心陪著我的餘姚鄉土文化的研究者姚業鑫先生執意要我在進餘姚城之前先去看看河姆渡博物館，博物館館長邵九華先生為了等我，前一夜沒有回家，在館中過夜。兩位學者用餘姚話給我詳細介紹了河姆渡的出土文物，那一些是足夠寫幾篇大文章的，留待以後吧；我在參觀中最驚訝的發現是，這兒，七千年前，人們已經有木構建築、已經在摘食楊梅、已經在種植稻穀、已經在燒製炊具，甚至在陶甌所盛的香噴噴白米飯上已經有可能也蓋著一層梅乾菜！有的學者根據一個陶碗上所刻的馴良的野豬圖形，判斷當時的河姆渡人不僅燒食豬肉，而且極有可能正是由梅乾菜燒成。難道故鄉的生態模式，早在七千年前就已經大致形成？如此說來，七千年過得何其迅速又何其緩慢。 我在河姆渡遺址上慢慢地徘徊，在這塊小小的空間裡，漫長的時間壓縮在一起，把洋洋灑灑永遠說不完道不盡的歷史故事壓縮在泥土層的尺寸之間。我想，文明的人類總是熱衷於考古，就是想把壓縮在泥土裡的歷史爬剔出來，舒展開來，窺探自己先輩的種種真相。那麼，考古也就是回鄉，也就是探家。探視地面上的家鄉往往會有歲月的唏噓、難言的失落，使無數遊子欲往而退；探視地底下的家鄉就沒有那麼多心理障礙了，整個兒洋溢著歷史的詩情、想像的愉悅。我把這個意思說給了陪著我的兩位專家聽，他們點頭，但轉而又說，探視地底下的家鄉也不輕鬆。 我終於約略明白了他們的意思。就在我們腳下，當一批批七千年前的陶器、木器、骨器大量出土引起人們對河姆渡的先人熱烈歡呼的時候，考古學者在陶釜和陶罐裡發現了煮食人肉的證據，而且，煮食的是嬰兒，多麼不希望是這樣，他們鄭重地請來了著名古人類學家賈蘭坡教授，老教授親自鑑定後作出了確證無疑的結論。此外，又挖掘出了很多無頭的骨架，證明這裡盛行過可以稱為獵首的殺人祭奠儀式。當然這一切絕不僅僅發現在河姆渡遺址中，但這兒的發現畢竟說明，使故鄉名聲大振的悠久文化中包含著大量無法掩飾的蒙昧和野蠻。 可以為祖先諱，可以為故鄉諱，但諱來諱去只是一種虛假的安慰。遠古的祖先在地底下大聲咆哮，兒孫們，讓我真實，讓我自在，千萬別為我妝扮！於是，遠年的榮耀負載出遠年的惡濁，精美的陶器貯存著怵目的殘忍。我站在這塊土地上離祖先如此逼近，似乎伸手便能攙扶他們，但我又立即跳開了，帶著恐懼和陌生。 美國人類學家摩爾根指出，蒙昧｜野蠻｜文明這三個段落，是人類文化和社會發展的普遍階梯。文明是對蒙昧和野蠻的擺脫，人類發展的大過程如此，每個歷史階段的小過程也是如此。王陽明他們的產生，也同樣是為了擺脫蒙昧和野蠻吧，擺脫種種變相的食人和獵首。直到今天，我們大概還躲不開與蒙昧和野蠻的周旋，因此文明永遠顯得如此珍貴。蒙昧和野蠻並不是一回事，蒙昧往往有樸實的外表，野蠻常常有勇敢的假相，從歷史眼光來看，野蠻是人們逃開蒙昧的必由階段，相對於蒙昧是一種進步；但是，野蠻又絕不願意就範於文明，它會回過身去與蒙昧結盟，一起來對抗文明。結果，一切文明都會遇到兩種對手的圍攻：外表樸實的對手和外表勇敢的對手，前者是無知到無可理喻，後者是強蠻到無可理喻。更麻煩的是，這些對手很可能與已有的文明成果混成一體，甚至還會悄悄地潛入人們的心底，使我們在尋找它們的時候常常尋找到自己的父輩，自己的故鄉，自己的歷史。 我們的故鄉，不管是空間上的故鄉還是時間上的故鄉，究竟是屬於蒙昧、屬於野蠻，還是屬於文明？我們究竟是從何處出發，走向何處？我想，即便是家鄉的陶瓷器皿也能證明：文明有可能盛載過野蠻，有可能掩埋於蒙昧；文明易碎，文明的碎片有可能被修補，有可能無法修補，然而即便是無法修補的碎片，也會保存著高貴的光彩，永久地讓人想像。能這樣，也就夠了。 告別河姆渡遺址後，幾乎沒有耽擱，便去餘姚市中心的龍泉山拜謁重新修復的四位先賢的碑亭。一路上我在想，區區如我，畢生能做的，至多也是一枚帶有某種文明光澤的碎片罷了，沒有資格躋身某個遺址等待挖掘，沒有資格妝點某種碑亭承受供奉，只是在與蒙昧與野蠻的搏鬥中碎得於心無愧。無法躲藏於家鄉的湖底，無法奔跑於家鄉的湖面，那就陳之於異鄉的街市吧，即便被人踢來踢去，也能鏗然有聲。偶爾有那個路人注意到這種聲音了，那就順便讓他看看一小片潔白和明亮。 seven 第二天我就回上海了。出生的村莊這次沒有去，只在餘姚城裡見了一位遠房親戚：比我小三歲的表舅舅。remember?當年我初到上海時在鋼琴邊與我握手的小男孩，終於由於語言不通而玩不起來；後來文化大革命中陰錯陽差他到餘姚來工作了，這次相見我們的語言恰好倒轉，我只能說上海話而他則滿口鄉音。倒轉，如此輕易。 我就算這樣回了一次故鄉？不知怎麼，疑惑反而加重了：遠古滄桑、百世英才，但它屬於我嗎？我屬於它嗎？身邊多了一部《餘姚志》，隨手翻開姓氏一欄，發覺我們余姓在餘姚人數不多。也查過姓氏淵源，知道余姓是秦代名臣由余氏的後裔，唐代之後世居安徽歙州，後由安徽繁衍到江西南昌。歷史上姓余的名人很少，勉強稱得上第一個的，大概是宋代天聖年間的官僚余靖，但他是廣東人。後來又從福建和湖北走出過幾個稍稍有點名氣的姓余的人。我的祖先，是什麼時候漂泊到浙江餘姚的呢？我口口聲聲說故鄉、故鄉，究竟該從什麼時候說起呢？河姆渡、嚴子陵時代的餘姚，越窯鼎盛時期的上林湖，肯定與我無關，我真正的故鄉在那兒呢？ 正這麼傻想著，列車員站到了我眼前，說我現在坐的是軟蓆，乘坐需要有級別，請我出示級別證明。我沒有這種證明，只好出示身分證，列車員說這沒用，為了保護軟蓆車廂旅客的安全，請我到硬蓆車廂去。車廂裡大大小小持有經理證明或名片的旅客和他們的家屬開始用提防的眼光注視我，我趕緊抱起行李低頭逃離，可是我車票上的座位號碼本不在硬蓆車廂，怎麼可能在那裡找到座位呢？只好站在兩節車廂的接口處，把行李放在腳邊。我突然回想起三十多年前第一次離開餘姚到上海去時坐火車的情景，也是這條路，也是這個人，但那時是有座位的，行李裡裝著酒浸楊梅和梅乾菜，嘴上咕噥著餘姚話；今天，座位沒有了，身分模糊了，鄉音丟失了，行李裡也沒有土產了，匡啷匡啷地又在這條路上走一趟。 從一個沒有自己家的家鄉，到一個有自己家的異鄉，離別家鄉恰恰是為了回家，我的人生旅行，怎麼會變得如此怪誕？ 火車外面，陸游、徐渭的家鄉過去了，魯迅、周作人的家鄉過去了，郁達夫、茅盾的家鄉過去了，豐子愷、徐志摩的家鄉過去了 他們中有好多人，最終都沒有回來。有幾個，走得很遠，死得很慘。 其中有一個曾經灑脫地吟道： 悄悄的我走了， 正如我悄悄的來； 我揮一揮衣袖， 不帶走一片雲彩。 車窗外的雲彩暗了，時已薄暮，又想起了崔顥的詩句。淅淅瀝瀝，好像下起雨來了。