Chapter 2 1. Father

environment, life experience, father, turmoil Life is a brilliant flower; it is a fleeting meteor; it is the new green that covers the earth after a shower in the desert; it is also a raging flame that is active in the center of the earth from time to time.Life, piled up due to the evolution of the universe, bears the driving force of the same strain, leading from the past to the future, from chaos to eternity. Through the vast celestial bodies, countless star clusters, nebulae, and galaxies of various shapes are evenly scattered in the sky covered with broken diamonds.Among the innumerable innumerable stars, planets, and satellites are intertwined and entangled, some are dazzling and dominate a large void; some are surrounded by layers, surrounded by energy cores, and gradually expand to endless borders.What's more, there are no brilliance, ordinary dust, scattered in the remote sky.

In this endless void, a blue planet, like a flat boat, carried tiny human beings, sailing through the boundless waterway, leaving some traces that seemed real. From the standpoint of human beings, human beings are intelligent life forms.In the currently known universe, only human beings can shoulder the mission and tasks of the inheritance of the universe, so as to cross time and space and return to the universe. Assuming that time and space are intersecting roads in the framework of the universe, human life is the indicator of the accumulation of immeasurable void, leading the latecomers step by step to the ultimate.Some are on the precarious hanging reefs, guiding ships passing by with the light of wisdom;There are also many scattered in every corner of time and space, indifferent or helpless, attached to be a member of the life family.

With life, the world is full of inexplicable hope, disappointment, excitement, and helplessness.In the end, life leaves behind the seedlings of another cycle, which slips away quietly.Only with the pulse of life can the world be filled with sorrow, joy, parting and reunion; and only through the power of life can people endlessly yearn for the mystery of life in the pursuit of generations. Who was not born from darkness?Relying on my own groping, I gradually see the vague world.After finally standing up, I fell again after a while, got up again, and fell again.One day, people must face the strange world that they will never understand, and blindly explore and move forward. The dreamlike journey of life begins in nothingness.

The permutations and combinations of energy are endless, and there is a way in which energy resides in a closed structure and circulates, and life is born.Because of the rare chance, life is precious; because of the preciousness, the living body most cherishes the value of self-survival; and because of the preciousness, the living body has to be independent, build a fortress, and completely isolate itself from the outside world.In the end, the living body can only receive some isolated and vague messages from the environment through limited sensory organs. From the initial single-celled life, it has gradually developed into a complex and advanced animal. Every time life takes a step forward, the fortress of self is piled up higher and thicker.After the advent of human beings, based on the firmness of the fortress, perception has long been lost between the vast interstellar space and the thick city walls.Confusion, loneliness, illusion, loneliness and life are always companions, where do they come from?Where are you going?Even at this moment, all the information flowing through is like flowers in the mist, elusive.

For tens of thousands of years, how many philosophers and poets have observed the objective universe outwardly, and faced the subjective self internally, seeming to be true and illusory.In order to survive and live, people have to have a pious heart, constantly eulogizing, worshiping, curious, and pursuing this great and mysterious phenomenon in nature, and the concept is accumulated day by day. This accumulation is a symbolic message, which is equivalent to the interlaced reproduction of time and space.Therefore, another form of energy knowledge has been produced under the exploration of human beings from generation to generation.

Knowledge is a phenomenon recognized by human beings through the senses and subjective consciousness, which has been objectively confirmed by the current environment, and is a common cognition of contemporaries.However, from another point of view, knowledge is originally the structure of the universe, but it uses concepts as carriers and passes through time and space for human cognition and application. And what about people?After going through confusion and panic, and finally showing his prominence, when he thought he was the king of all nations, once he discovered that the stage of the era has been filled with colorful laser lights.Not only is man not the protagonist, but even his role as a foil is blurred in the turbulent and busy scene changes.

Knowledge has been accumulated and disseminated for hundreds of thousands of years. Once the time is right, it will immediately become the mainstream of evolution, extending and expanding infinitely in the universe.All kinds of new concepts and technologies are constantly pushing out the old and bringing forth the new, competing for novelty and beauty.Knowledge is not only the master of the power of the universe, but also the driving force behind the survival, rise and fall of human beings.It is like a chariot of the sun god hanging high in the sky, dragging human beings, and flying towards the unknown future at high speed.

With the popularization of knowledge, the world has changed, and the changes of things are like the acceleration of gravity, which increases rapidly with the square value of time.Every time before people recognize its true face and make a correct evaluation of it, new things continue to breed. The original intention of man to pursue knowledge is to clearly understand the world.But just like chasing the opposite sex, the more you know, the less you understand.In the twentieth century, when material civilization was at its peak, knowledge has undergone the baptism of science and technology, and the division of labor has become increasingly sophisticated. It is no longer comprehensible by humans, let alone controlled by humans.

In the course of thousands of years of evolution, human beings have already adapted to the slowly changing and stable environment.In the past, the years went back and forth in their lives, and the four seasons remained the same. The steps of society were like the wind erosion of a mountain, which was too subtle to be noticed.As long as anyone learns some concepts and techniques of being a human being in his youth, it is enough for him to apply in his life. In this era of knowledge explosion, people are still people, but the environment has undergone unprecedented drastic changes.Therefore, anyone who has achieved something in the early years, is complacent, or is unwilling to continue learning to adapt, will often be abandoned by reality and stagnated forever in the past self-obsessed years.

China is an ancient civilization. For thousands of years, countless sages and wise men have gathered experience into a practical system.In all human social life behaviors, there are detailed rules for compliance.Under this tradition, everyone sticks to the rules and does not seek progress.For thousands of years, the entire society has been stable and harmonious under the same pace; even in the turbulent 19th century, China still stands tall on the world stage. Assuming that human beings are only middle-aged today, China can be said to be a wunderkind. People are intoxicated by the glorious history of the past and are complacent.Unexpectedly, the new era came suddenly, and then faced various unknown challenges. The golden rules that were originally relied on were completely out of touch with objective reality.Under such circumstances, the inherent tradition cannot be discarded, and it is also unable to create a new situation, so that serious contradictions and conflicts arise between the old and the new, and people do not know where to go.

An individual is just a microcosm of the larger environment. My father inherited the Chinese tradition, but unfortunately grew up in this new era.And also under the circumstances of being a teenager, conceited and conceited, defiant.He has the honesty and integrity that traditional scholars have, and he also has the habit of being ruthless.He knows he can't keep up with the times, but he is conservative and stubborn, insisting on his own opinion.Throughout his life, he has kept a constant distance from reality. According to the genealogy, we are after Song Confucianism Zhu Xi, Zhang Xianzhong rebellion in Ming Dynasty, our ancestor Cong Yigong moved from Wuyuan, Anhui to Xixiang, Huanggang, Hubei (Huanggang, also known as Zhu County, is said to be the place where King Wu of Zhou conferred the title of Marquis, and later generations went to the city as Zhu , then became the surname Zhu).My father is the nineteenth generation, a Wanzi generation, which is determined by the names of the generations in the traditional genealogy. Cong Shou Yuan Wenyun, Jin Ting guards his own light; inherits the country and inherits Tianqing, and makes great achievements for all nations. When the Dao is bright, righteousness inspires loyalty and goodness; pure benevolence, Zhong Yixian, long-haired Shi Hengchang. It is a traditional custom that all poems used as family names must use auspicious words that cannot be repeated, and must be meaningful to inspire future generations.Chinese society is maintained on this spirit of valuing family heritage and passing on the torch from generation to generation.This spirit is closely combined with the characteristics of Chinese characters, forming an inseparable complex. My father was born in 1891 (the first 20 years of the Republic of China), named Wanyin and styled Huaibing. My grandfather died young and had no permanent property. My family was very poor. Because my father loved reading since he was a child, he was once assisted by the Zhou family, a prominent family in the same town.My aunt gave birth to one son and two daughters. The son was named Bangbao, the eldest daughter was named Zhongsheng, and the second daughter was named Minsheng. They were both much older than me. When my father was seventeen years old, he attended the Hanhuangde Normal School and joined the Tongmenghui.In the first uprising of 1911, he was named as a student army, and he was in charge of city defense patrols and warehouse guards.In the second year of the Republic of China, he was admitted to the fourth phase of Baoding Military Academy at public expense. At the beginning of the founding of the Republic of China, warlords all over the country separatist regimes, civil wars continued frequently, and soldiers were in a hurry. However, there was only one national military university in the country, Baoding Military Academy.Before the Whampoa Military Academy took over their status, Baoding graduates had always been the pride of heaven, with military power in their hands, all-powerful.His father participated in the Northern Expedition in the 14th year of the Republic of China, and served as the colonel and section chief of the staff office of the general headquarters. In the 19th year, he was the director of the Civil Affairs Department of Hubei Province.At this time, he is young, but his fame and career are smooth sailing, he is proud and arrogant, and he can't do things well. In the 20th year of the Republic of China, the former President Chiang Kai-shek presided over the Nanchang camp, and his father was the director of the Fourth Department, in charge of intelligence and the former President's schedule.At that time, Yang Yongtai, the head of the Political Science Department, and Xiong Shihui, the chairman of Jiangxi Province, tried their best to win over his father to join in order to expand the sphere of political influence.However, his father was full of national ideals, and because he was born in the military, he was ignorant of the political situation. Instead, he advised Yang Yongtai and others to serve the country first and not form cliques for personal gain. Yang Yongtai is the most scheming politician in the modern history of our country. After his father sternly rejected him, he expressed his admiration to the former President Jiang Gong, thinking that his father is a talent that should be reused, and recommended him to serve as the director of civil affairs in Jiangxi Province. The first president readily agreed.Soon, Yang spoke to the president again, saying that his father had excellent abilities, Jiangxi relied heavily on him, and hoped that he could serve as the head of the civil affairs department.At that time, the domestic party struggle was in full swing. In order to appease all walks of life, the first president removed his father from the post of director of the Fourth Department. In terms of official position, the Department of Civil Affairs is higher than the Fourth Department of the Camp, but China has always been dominated by the rule of man. The so-called mountain is not high, but there are immortals.Nanchang Xingyuan was the core of power at that time, especially the fourth office was closest to the former president in terms of duties.No matter who wants to meet the first president, he must first pass this pass.My father is upright and honest, and he has made many enemies for this reason. Once he is far away from the king's side, his future will be in jeopardy. When my father found out that it was Yang Yongtai's time to transfer the tiger away from the mountain, the order had already been issued. Under Yang's deliberate obstruction, my father tried to meet the late president many times, but reported and explained to him but failed.The father was so angry that he overestimated his strength and angrily hung up the crown and left.The former president was most afraid of the disloyalty of his subordinates in his life. For this reason, he wrote in his father's file that he would never be hired. Frustrated by his father's official career, he traveled west to visit the scenery of Suzhou and Hangzhou.Passing through Liyang, Jiangsu, he bought an eighteen-year-old poor girl named Wang as his concubine, and brought her back to her hometown.This poor girl is my biological mother. At that time, three wives and four concubines were the customs allowed by the society, and besides the eldest family, Zhou family, his father also had the second family, Gui family.The Gui family was a lady from a certain family in Guizhou, and she had three daughters, namely Ningsheng, Hansheng and Yusheng.Father was away all the year round, and the big family was vying for favor and power, always Qi Boxi.My mother had no money, no power, no relatives, no friends, and her position was so low that she was reduced to a servant. The world is hot and cold, and in order to survive, people all try to climb the dragon and attach themselves to the phoenix and eliminate dissidents.Therefore, the weak or those who abide by their duties are often sacrificed in the real environment and become cruel tributes.The mother was bullied, but she could only swallow her anger and shed tears every day.Soon after, due to physical weakness, fatigue, and depression, he vomited and injured his liver, and even suffered from tuberculosis until his death. In the 21st year of the Republic of China, under the precarious wind and rain, Sister E was born.In traditional families in the past, regardless of wives and concubines, if they did not have a son, they had no status in the family.At this time, because his father lost Shanghuan, no one dared to hire him.He Guoguang was in charge of Sichuan provincial government and recommended his father many times, all of which were rejected by the former president.The family even blamed the mother, thinking that it was an ominous disaster, and the situation of the mother and daughter was unknown. In the eighth period of Baoding Military Academy, my father was a school assistant and once served as the captain of Chen Chengzhi's branch, and they knew each other very well.In the 24th year of the Republic of China, Chen Cheng served as the director of the army's reorganization department, and he made every effort to guarantee to the former president that his father was the deputy director.In the following decades, his father has always maintained a special relationship with Chen Cheng as a subordinate and a close friend. In the twenty-sixth year of the Republic of China, when the Anti-Japanese Jihad began, his father was transferred to be the commander of the 97th Army, and he was also the director of the Civil Affairs Department of Hebei Province and the director of the Political Department of the Hebei-Chahar War Zone.The July 7th Anti-Japanese Jihad started, and I was born in October. My father originally hoped that the birth of my eldest brother would be safe, so since the war broke out, he named me Bangfu.Because of the birth of a boy, the mother has a status in the family. In addition to the warmth and warmth of the relationship, the mother also has more friends. In my memory, many relatives and friends often said that I was stupid, especially my mother, she was always worried that I would become an idiot.The reason is that when I was three years old, an orderly suddenly realized his conscience and accepted the instigation frankly, and often fed me cinnabar.Legend has it that after eating cinnabar, the mind is impaired and people will become dementia.After my father found out, in order to avoid family disputes, he ordered my mother to take Sister E and me to the north to live in the Taihang Mountain military camp. At the same time, he invited my uncle Wang Tairong to go with me. In the army, my father once wrote "Thirteen Chapters of Sun Tzu's Annotations in the Array", which was published in the 27th year of the Republic of China and was selected as the designated textbook for the national army.At that time, in addition to the Ninety-seventh Army led by my father, there were still troops under the Communist Army Zhu De and Liu Bocheng in the Taihang Mountain theater.My father thought he was well-rounded in civil and military affairs. On a certain day in February 29 of the Republic of China, he even rode alone to the headquarters of the Communist Army to debate with Zhu De and other generals on the advantages and disadvantages of the Three People's Principles and Communism. Unexpectedly, the communist army took advantage of his father's absence and immediately launched a surprise attack on the national army.Due to the unpreparedness of the incident, the elbow and armpit were changed, and the commander was trapped in the enemy's camp, so he was defeated.In the chaos, my mother was rescued by a small group of guards, while Sister E and I slept on sliding poles with one head each.Shi Gan ran for his life with his pole in his arms, the soldiers panicked and horses panicked, and everyone lost contact.Unfortunately, a stray bullet hit Sister E's left shoulder on the side of her collarbone. The gangster was afraid of being blamed, so he abandoned my sister and brother in the wilderness and fled for our lives. Fortunately, my uncle Wang Tairong rode a horse to look for us everywhere, and later found a slippery pole by the side of the road. I was still asleep, and Sister E was covered in blood.Uncle thought she was dead, so he had to take me away alone. Sister E is well-behaved and pleasant, and she is loved by her mother.The mother firmly believed that under the blessing of the Bodhisattva, Sister E would not die, so she sent people to search everywhere.After several months, it was discovered that Sister E was rescued by a farmer's family, and the wound had closed.However, the warhead was deeply embedded in the chest cavity, and there was no medical help at that time, so the warhead was not removed.At the age of nine, Sister E contracted diphtheria again, and finally died of complications from the bullet wound. This military conflict spread to the central government, and the government was furious, while the Communist Army explained that it was a misunderstanding.In order to resist Japan and save the country, the two sides have negotiated extensively and will no longer pursue it.After this accident, my father deeply felt the intrigue of political struggle, ignoring the truth and national interests.Frustrated, he submitted his resignation to the central government and planned to live in seclusion in the mountains. In August of the same year, my father was reassigned as Chief of Staff of the Chief of the Sixth War Zone, but he had no interest in the military and resolutely resigned.At that time, Chen Cheng was the chairman of Hubei Province, and he was also responsible for the military. The north and the south fought, resulting in the lack of provincial government.Chen Cheng urged his father to put state affairs first, and transferred his father to be the director of the Hubei Department of Civil Affairs, acting as the chairman. Because his ancestors have been farming for generations, and he was born in a humble background, his father is well aware of the hardships of the people.Although he served as the head of the Civil Affairs Department many times in his early years, due to lack of experience and unrealistic illusions about military and politics, he made little achievements.Discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the Three People's Principles and Communism with Zhu De and others this time made him realize that he only talked about the theory without practicing it. No matter how good the doctrine is, it is just a moving slogan and it is difficult to convince others. Since the Revolution of 1911, the whole of China has been disintegrated, and civil wars have continued for years.The original forces have disintegrated, but the new cohesion has not yet taken shape, and the national self-confidence has long been scattered.Mainstream theorists often shift the responsibility to the warlords in various places, arguing that the warlords are arrogant in their territories, so the country cannot be unified and the Three People's Principles cannot be realized. The so-called warlords are nothing more than the definition given by the central government in power to local hostile forces with military power.Politics has always been that the winner is the king and the loser is the bandit. Whoever is regarded as a warlord means that he is about to become the flesh of the king.Therefore, it has become a justifiable pretext for the party to fight against differences.Tens of thousands of precious lives were so easily ruined in the ruthless flames of war. In fact, the level of knowledge of the Chinese people was not high at that time, and the concept of the elite scholar-officials in China had been deeply rooted in the hearts of the people for five thousand years, and very few people understood the Three People's Principles advertised by the revolution.It would be an unbelievable anecdote for the people of the whole country to abandon their own ideology and unite under an ignorant doctrine. In the 20th century, the two camps of capitalism and communism with clear barriers both emphasized democracy with one voice, and were hostile to each other based on opposite ideologies.In fact, democracy is a way of self-determination that naturally arises when the middle class grows in society, the people's knowledge level is uniform, and the authority weakens. Although both sides advocate democracy, the focus of the two runs counter to each other.Capitalism advocates the free operation of capital, thereby stimulating the material desire of human nature and engaging in production competition. Politics is only a vassal of the economy, so it can be decided by the people themselves.Communism believes that capital is easily monopolized by a few capitalists, emphasizes the equality of material distribution, and insists on centralization.The people can only exercise their rights by indirectly electing representatives under a body composed of collective forces. Due to the lack of a real understanding of human nature, both theories ignore the interaction between human beings and human nature.Because people have selfishness, doctrine is just a tool, as long as it is beneficial to themselves, those who have vested interests can interpret it arbitrarily.In other words, ism is nothing more than a sugar coating in which any medicine can be wrapped.Regardless of whether you support or oppose it, to put it bluntly, everyone focuses on self-interest, but there are differences in who comes first, who comes first, and who has high or low ability. Capitalism indulges human nature and endlessly pursues material desires, which can satisfy capable intellectuals very well.Communism controls human nature, holds the ideal of equal distribution, and is quite supported by the incapable masses of the society.However, due to doubts about intellectuals and rejection by intellectuals, they lost their services, resulting in a low level of material production. Coincidentally, the explosion of knowledge in the twentieth century endowed intellectuals with unparalleled productivity in one fell swoop.While capitalism is advancing with each passing day, pushing the productive forces of the new world to new peaks, communism is still stalled in its primitive environment.If the two camps never meet, they can go their own way.However, times are changing, and media communication has become a window to people's cognition. The communist control method, immediately diagnosed by the media, has become a point of global scrutiny. The origin of democracy is due to the religious rule in Europe for more than a thousand years, and the Renaissance movement from the 14th to the 16th century first inspired people's reflection.In the seventeenth century, with the rise of knowledge, reason rose.In the 19th century, a huge amount of energy stored underground was discovered, and the industrial revolution became the mainstream.As a result, the middle class has sprung up in Europe, and the new aristocracy has stepped onto the stage of the times. The feudal system in Europe was based on social classes. Except for the feudal aristocracy, ordinary people were like slaves and had no access to educational opportunities.The Industrial Revolution increased productivity and created a large middle class.Although they controlled the economy, they still did not have social status under the boycott of the nobles, that is to say, they had no political sovereignty. Locke, an Englishman in the seventeenth century, first chanted the slogan of natural human rights.Then, Rousseau, a very romantic young man in France, rejected the social environment at that time and strongly resisted.Based on the concept of freedom and equality, he wrote a book "On the Civil Contract", advocating a democratic system and setting off a prelude to a new era. In fact, from the rise of European democratic thoughts to the formation of today's democratic politics, there is still a tortuous process of change.After the spread of European democracy, traditional forces have declined, and wars have broken out between emerging forces from time to time.Refugees crossed the oceans and immigrated to the undeveloped North America. The New World is vast and rich in resources, and immigrants can develop freely without restriction.Anti-traditional, anti-elite, self-righteous thinking, originally a dream pursued by immigrants who left their hometowns, has become an American-style democratic system. In the twentieth century, two world wars raged across Europe.Not only has the United States not been affected, but it has also benefited from it, hosting countless top European scientists.In addition to its vast territory and abundant products, arms and livelihood industries emerged as the times require.Therefore, after two tragic European wars, it became a superpower in one fell swoop. The best way for those with vested interests to keep their income forever is to monopolize it.The real interest of the United States is the economy, which comes from resources, production technology and trade.If you want to monopolize, you must prevent the growth of your competitors. It is best for the opponents to remain weak forever, so that you can get whatever you want.After the Second World War, the United States repeatedly used various methods to divide or subvert other countries, and fully promoted democracy and human rights diplomacy. Forcibly transplanting a ready-made social system to a different place where the water and soil are not acclimatized, in the historical records, there is no successful precedent except for the destruction of the country and the destruction of its species.People without wisdom often like to fantasize, seeing the rich spend extravagantly, thinking that just learning their way of life is the only way to become rich.Facts have proved that forcibly reforming a social tradition with deep inertia will inevitably result in turmoil and conflict, and the result is always innocent people who pay the price. The root of democracy lies in the consciousness of the people, and consciousness requires objective conditions.At least the people must have a certain level of knowledge, the skills to earn a living independently and sufficient employment opportunities, so as not to be tempted and fooled by money and politicians.In addition, the media and professional soldiers must be neutral to prevent the public from being deceived and manipulated.More importantly, there are sound laws and regulations and a law-abiding public, so that a prosperous and stable democratic society can be formed. These extravagant objective conditions are exactly the ideals they strive for for the third world, which is struggling on the verge of life and death.In order to realize the ideal, a price must be paid, but the cart must not be put before the horse. Democracy must not be implemented first, and knowledge and power will follow.Unfortunately, ignorant people cannot distinguish what is a necessary means and what is an elusive ideal! The essence of a democratic system is that it doesn't matter whether the virtuous or the foolish are right or wrong, it doesn't matter about respecting teachers and respecting morality, let alone talking about trustworthiness and harmony.Personal interests are above all else, personal opinions transcend truth, and the self is the center of the universe.The means to maintain this system is that various interest groups regard the source of votes as a taboo, package their own interests, and exchange votes with the people.In the end, votes accumulated one by one, thus deciding the fate of the national society. The times are the general environment in which people live, and individuals are part of the environment. The winds are surging, the flowers are blooming, and they are all closely related.In response to changes in the environment, people form a unique consciousness, and personal consciousness dominates personal behavior. The tragedies in modern China were formed under the conflict between the pressure of the times and the traditional values.My father experienced the first half of the National Revolution. He saw the true face of politics, but he was unable to escape from the sea of ​​suffering.I personally inherited his helplessness and continued to struggle on the battlefield of another new era. Because of the lessons learned from my father, I completely gave up any illusions about politics, and determined to explore what is the real direction of life.What I see is a greater disaster for mankind. China is just a reef in a dangerous shoal, and the river has flooded, and human civilization is on the verge of collapse.My father failed to do much for the suffering China, and I am also helpless in the current crisis, because human nature is like a wild horse that has run wild, and the whole world is on the verge of madness. Fortunately, under the baptism of our traditional culture, I embarked on the path I should take and saw through the cause and effect of things.In the end, I was able to retreat unscathed, so I was able to state the cause and effect of this paragraph. After the success of the revolution, the national government used the banner of democracy to unify the country by force, using ideas that violated democracy.But how is democracy unified?Political agreement?The same interests and rights?Or under the unanimity of all people, it is a matter of course to hold out a real emperor and a fake president? The provinces demanded federal self-government, but the central government firmly opposed it.As a result, the local people revolted, and the result was that the people were devastated. For more than 20 years, there were endless civil turmoil every year. My father did not see these causes and effects. He was a faithful believer in Dr. Sun Yat-sen's revolutionary ideals.It's just that before the other comrades woke up, he decided that it was better to use kingship to conquer dissidents by force.In his view, the kingly way of the new era is the people's livelihood principle of the Three People's Principles. Chen Cheng also had the same perception. With the help of his father, he first announced the New Hubei Construction Plan in Hubei Province.These include the new economic policy of people's livelihood, planned education, and rent reduction during the 25-year period.Unfortunately, the Japanese army was advancing steadily, and although the New Deal had achieved some results, it could not be fully implemented.Until the mainland changed its flag, Chen Cheng presided over the provincial government of Taiwan, reappointed the original cadres in Hubei, and re-established the 375 rent reduction policy, thus establishing a well-off situation in Taiwan. During that period, our mother and son lived in the countryside of Jingyang River, Jianshi County, western Hubei.There is a canyon plain, with a slender and clear river in the middle, and the fish swimming in the gaps between the pebbles can be counted clearly.In spring, the field is full of fresh green, and in autumn, there are golden yellow rapeseed flowers.Looking around and extending to the outside, in the distance, you can see the steep cliffs uprooted from the flat ground, towering into the clouds and stretching across the sky.My fragments of memory are like young shoots that have just been unearthed, receiving the baptism of nature.Condensed in this sunny foothills, they are gradually connected in series. My mother's lung disease has entered the third stage, and she often coughs up blood. Eight-year-old sister E took the responsibility of taking care of me.I have the impression that she was about three years old. I often punched her, but she always smiled slightly.The less she cared, the angrier I became and the more I beat her, until she screamed in pain. This is the sorrow of life. We always take the beautiful things around us for granted and don't know how to cherish them.Once it becomes yesterday, the good memories will endlessly linger in the mind and gnaw at the soul, so pain and troubles will come one after another.However, time is like a series of corroded heavy doors, the past has been closed, and the future has not yet been opened.People wandering in it, eternal life can only suck the bits and pieces in the secret gap. Because of my mother's illness, Sister E naturally took the place of a loving mother, and she took care of me meticulously.It's a pity that people are ignorant when they are young. Even if they are bathed in the warm breeze, they don't know the value of spring.What's even more sad is that I was ignorant and ignorant. Instead, under her favor, I built a small kingdom centered on myself. At some point, she got diphtheria, which seemed to be a terrible disease.One day, my mother took me to a huge room where there was a small bed on which Sister E was lying.When she saw me, she didn't speak, but just gave me two big and red oranges.As soon as I saw oranges, I was so busy eating them that I couldn't remember anything after that. The next scene is next to a small hill, and the mother is crying bitterly on the mound.I found a small red spider in the soil, that spider was as small as a sesame seed. I was about to strangle it to death, when my mother suddenly said: "That's my sister's incarnation, don't touch it!" I don't remember what else my mother said, but I just can't figure out why sister E turned into a little spider?I saw the spider disappear into the soil, and I never saw E Jie who had turned into a spider again.Moreover, before I tasted the hardships of the world and was truly sensible, I never seriously missed her. What an unfortunate man!People can only appreciate the preciousness of life after time has passed.Only when the indispensable relatives in our lives leave us, peace and joy disappear, can we know what emptiness and loneliness are.Family affection is like the warm winter sun, if there is no place, faint and continuous, it provides us with the guarantee of survival and protects us from the severe cold. Sister E used to be my nanny, my friend, and my shelter from wind and rain.Whenever I do something wrong and get into trouble, it is she who steps forward and takes the blame on my behalf.Whenever I make an unreasonable request, after my parents refuse, it is she who makes me vent my anger and give me a small punch. The mother has been bedridden for many years. After suffering all the sufferings in the world, she still has to bear the anger of the father due to the deteriorating state affairs.Mother's tears, like the rolling turbidity of the Yangtze River and the Yellow River, contain the pain and disasters of all the descendants of the Yellow Emperor throughout the ages.The mother had no place to confide in, and in the end she poured all her brains into Sister E's little heart.I still remember that Sister E always listened silently, smiling inexplicably, swallowing the stormy waves of the sky in peace. It wasn't until I went through hardships and sailed to the calm and empty sea that I thought of Sister E again.At the same time, I also truly comprehend what Lao Tzu said to achieve the extreme of emptiness, to keep quiet, to create all things together, and I can see it back.Even though she is only a child under ten years old, her peaceful heart has embraced everything and lived the same life as the heaven and the earth. In my memory, there is also a vivid scene, surrounded by a yellow rice field, I walked on the ridge, followed by a nurse, I have been thinking about wanting to drink her milk, but it is difficult to say. Suddenly, she spoke: Young Master, do you want to have milk? It was because of a guilty conscience, how could she see through it?I was scared out of my wits, and hurried forward to escape.When I looked back, she was pulling out her big snow-white tits, and facing the paddy field tremblingly, squeezing out alluring breast arrows.Later, I was full of longing for women's breasts. Apart from being teased by the creator, some of them were based on the impression at that time. The next strands of memory are vaguely in a hospital.A tall domed white gauze mosquito net stretched across the front like a hill. Mother pointed to the mosquito net and said to me: Come and see your sister! I didn't go to see it, because I didn't understand the relationship between the mosquito net and my sister.But I became very interested in the shiny floor of the hospital, and immediately found an embroidery needle on the floor.When my mother saw it, she snatched it away, pinned it carefully to the mosquito net, and muttered something. After pinning it, my mother said to me: "Your sister is very sharp, you have to be careful!" Until now, these trivial matters are still deeply imprinted in my heart, not only because I have been influenced by various superstitions, but also because I have been affected by people's prejudices, which are actually based on some accidental events without foundation.But between us, brother and sister, based on my personal special situation, we seldom communicate with each other after we grow up. According to Limei's birthday calculation, this memory should be before I was four years old.Since then, Lve Ying has been gradually linked together, one picture after another, clear and definite.Perhaps due to misfortunes in my childhood, I have often escaped into the past years so that I can maintain its vividness. Regardless of the reason, at least I can realize that my life experience seems to be quite different from others.I was quite lonely in my childhood, and I could only use my memories as much as possible to sort out, analyze, research, and review.I have fully utilized the precious resources in my life that have allowed me to recognize myself. There is another thing, which has a profound influence on me, which is the trace of my earliest thinking.After Sister E died, my mother asked me to sleep with her in order to warm my feet.And I was so energetic that I was running even in my sleep.My mother couldn't bear it anymore, so she tied my feet up. At that time, bandits often appeared in the countryside, and whenever I fell asleep, I would meet bandits.Everyone ran away, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move.Sometimes I can still crawl with my hands, but every time I climb to the door, the threshold about a foot high makes me feel like the world is far away.The feeling of terror, helplessness and despair still lingers in my heart after many years. The repetition of this kind of dream made me as timid as a mouse. I was afraid of bandits during the day and afraid of going to bed at night.Until one time, the dream was so scary that I couldn't help but urinate on the bed, so my mother never allowed me to share the same bed with her. After that, I stopped dreaming about bandits, but the fear of bedwetting came one after another. The more I was afraid, the more urgent I was to urinate in the dream.The wonderful thing is that I knew I was in a dream, but I kept reminding myself that I must find a toilet and not pee on the bed.In the same way, in the end, after finding the toilet, I was still hesitating in my heart, and felt a burst of warmth in my lower body, which was too flooded. My family laughed at me every day. This kind of shame is far worse than the fear of dreaming about bandits.I began to think of ways, including simmering the urine dry with my body; wrapping myself in homemade diapers; even secretly digging a small hole in the bed to connect the urinal, but no matter how I tried to conceal it, I never deceived others. 直到九歲那年，有人教了母親一個偏方，用豬膀胱熬湯給我喝。不知道是不是那種騷味遠比挨打、挨罵還要可怕，總之，居然喝了一次就奏效了。但因為尿床的餘悸猶存，我始終不願到親友家做客，尤其是絕對不肯過夜。 幼稚園也與我無緣，有次佣人把我送到一個地方，裡面團團地坐著一圈小朋友。每人胸前兜著白色的圍巾，正在拍手唱歌。佣人丟下我走了，老師把我拉到座位上。我不知道大家在做什麼，只覺得一切好陌生，動都不敢動。不巧小便告急，我更是緊張得傻了，不知不覺竟尿了一地。 發生這件事之後，只要聽說是去幼稚園，不管大人用什麼方法，我寧願挨打，死也不肯再出家門一步。 六歲時進小學一年級，這時二娘也到建始來了，三個姐姐都與我同學。我當時實在不懂，雨生姐姐竟變成男生了，改名邦男，一定要我叫她哥哥。但是在學校裡，她老跟女生玩在一起。由於父親官大，二娘又有錢，很怕出事。所以二娘派了個衛士，腰間掛著盒子砲，亦步亦趨的保護著。 同學們好奇不已，後來發現我是她的弟弟，特來問我，我說：她是我姐姐，我叫她哥哥。這話一傳開，我被母親狠打了一頓，以後我們兩家就很少來往。 我們的鄰居是本地的顧鄉長，他們一家三代同堂，人口眾多。老奶奶特別喜歡我，我也就毫不客氣，完全忘了自己是誰，恃寵而驕。 他們有很多果園，四季都有水果收成。他們家最令我感到興趣的地方，是貯存橘子的倉庫。我向老奶奶磨菇，要到了倉庫的鑰匙，然後就整天睡在橘子堆中，吃得不亦樂乎。橘子有酸有甜，有的多汁，有的乾澀。因為怕酸，從經驗中我學會了分辨的方法，一摸皮就能斷定內容，百拿百中。 不久，麻煩來了，吃了上千個橘子，胃酸過多。只緣年幼年知，我挺一下就過去了，但日後飽受其苦，得不償失。 民國三十二年，父親調任鄂西行轅主任，我們便搬到恩施去。離開了景陽河，坐上滑竿，眼見那天天看到的峭壁越來越高，青黜黜的直插上雲裡。本來走得很輕鬆的竿伕們，突然慢了步伐。領頭的一哼一吼地唱起了山歌，跟在後面的，則一聲一聲地應和。 他們都穿著草鞋，重重地踏在濕漉漉的青石板階梯上，山壁也迴聲應響。由大人的神色中，我知道事非尋常，乖乖地握緊了把手，仔細觀看。 先還看得到遠處的景陽河，漸漸雲氣瀰漫，面前一白。除了前面滑竿矇矓的影子外，只有右側長滿苔蘚的巨石，倒掛著串串水珠。幸而有竿伕們前後相應的歌聲，使我感覺到還在人間。否則真像一場茫茫無止的惡夢，壓得我幾乎透不過氣來。 以往在夢中的恐懼是無助的，我並沒有真正看到我所逃避的土匪，只是手足無力，動彈不得。現在身臨其境，雖然也感染了一分不知名的驚悸，但手腳全在自己控制之下，心裡雖然怕，膽子卻很大。 這樣一直向上逐步地走著，天氣越來越冷，我們裹著毯子猶自發抖。竿伕們卻披著破絮般的衣衫，一個個頭上冒著淡淡的白煙，不一刻就與霧氣融為一體。 最令我迷惑的，是那些伸手可及、而又抓不住摸不著的雲霧。它們矇矇矓矓地環繞在身邊，是那樣地瀟灑，那樣地輕柔，它把我身邊的景物都美化了。陰暗又猙獰的巨石，披上了半透明的細紗，幻化為神秘脫俗、若隱若現的仙山靈境。更有那透體清涼、沁人髮膚的感受，完全超出了日常的經驗。 我完全遁入到另一個時空中，那種印象虛而不實，鮮明又強烈。似乎像某種精靈，常常導引著我忽視現實、嚮往玄秘，並伏下了日後我迷戀神怪小說的因子。 不知過了多久，我們終於到了崖頂。立時，天清氣朗，起伏不止的丘陵，向天邊綿延無盡。回望來處，是一條沿著石壁直下千仞、雲霧隱約的小道。 竿伕們如釋重負，一個個古樸的面容上，展開了彷彿被長年風霜刻蝕出的笑顏。他們立刻擺好香案，禱祝天地。原來這段山路名為鬼見愁，一個不小心，人就會失足深崖，粉身碎骨。 母親是虔誠的佛教徒，心腸慈悲。記得她不止一次向父親提起，希望政府給他們修一條路。而每一次父親總是不耐煩地說：唉！妳們女人家懂什麼？比他們更苦的人多的是！ 那時我才六歲，父親給我的第一個印象，是一個高大、披著深色風衣的影子。他沒有一般人初見我時的親切和藹，也沒有別人父親的那種熱情。陌生加上懼怕，我躲在母親背後，不顧她的呼喚，就是不肯出來。 這是中國人的傳統觀念，由於對兒子的期許高，作父親的必須擺出嚴峻的姿態。所謂玉不琢，不成器。男人是社會、家庭的中堅份子，一定要堅強，經得住考驗。父親對我的第一個印象顯然不好，我也對他深具畏心。 由這次見面起，我們一直跟著父親，隨著時局的變化，奔波連年，遷徙無定。父親開始對我施以嚴酷無情的教育，幼年自由的歲月從此消逝無蹤。為了逃避，我常常躲在回憶中，使得現實與虛幻永遠交織成為一體，形成另一個天地。 父親難得對我展露笑容，也從未表示贊許。不論做什麼，不好當然要受責罰，好則更待改進。無盡的督促，無情的鞭撻，日復一日，年復一年。父親似乎要將整個苦難中國的重擔都加到我的肩上，他所有的失望、不滿，都化成了對我的寄望。 抗日戰爭慘烈異常，國事一天一天惡化，他的神色也一天比一天更為沉重。在我記憶所及，他除了工作之外，還是工作。他做事的要求很高，而且就事論事，言出如山，絕不假以辭色。不知是誰說過，我父親一生的遭遇，就是他剛愎個性的寫照。 現在想來，我們這古老的中國，文化思維已然定型，在今昔世態的變遷中，又何嘗不然？ 常有人說，父子、夫妻之間經常呈現出互補的關係。正因為優點與缺點不是絕對的，所以當人不滿於一個角度上所見時，他經常會改換另一種方式，以資彌補。我曾力求避免跟隨父親的軌跡，但那只是外表的行為，內心深處，處處都是他的影子。 人在啟蒙時期，心智一片空明，這時環境的影響奠定了個人意識的基礎。在一個一絲不苟，崇法尚禮的家庭中，遠在產生自我意願之前，是非善惡的準則已然深植。成長之後，只不過是因襲過去的意識，以資因應當前的環境罷了。 我繼承了父親的血統，更承受了父親的人生理念，所不同的只是環境變化所得到的訊息。父親所經歷的是一個國家的戰亂，而我所見到的，則是中華文化的衰微及整個人類的興亡。當人已經養成了負責任的意識型態時，一旦看到事件的真相，責任就自動壓上肩膀。這時已經不再是願意與否的問題，而是怎樣盡心盡力去實現了。 父親也有他溫柔的一面，妹妹立立是全家人歡樂的中心。記得在她四歲那年，不知是誰教她，在一個全家團聚的當兒，她說：我是爸爸的心肝，舅舅的寶貝，媽媽的肉。 她說時撒著嬌，依偎在父親懷中，剎時，人人歡暢大樂。父親摟著、親著她，笑得嘴都合不攏，卻只差一點沒把我氣昏。一股嫉妒之情油然而生，這種肉麻的話，她怎麼講得出來？父親也居然聽得進去？ 她是開心果，我卻是眼中釘，這種相去天淵的待遇，導致了我對她的偏見。我也曾東施效顰，用些手段爭取父母的寵愛，卻只看到父親鐵青的臉。Why?每當我受到委屈時，這些情景就浮現眼前，自憐自艾，由不得悲從中來。 民三十三年，日寇大舉進逼，在血戰之後，鄂中易守。我們全家撤至重慶，父親調任軍法總監部副總監，兼訓練委員會副主任委員。訓練委員會操場的一端就是我們的宿舍，只要父親一上班，操場上立刻冒出十多個年紀和我差不多的小朋友，玩起官兵捉強盜來。喧嘩吵鬧之聲，驚天動地，往往要勞動警衛叔叔前來才能制止。 不久，父親發現強盜頭頭竟然是我，大為震怒。可是打、罵都發生不了作用，我只怕罰站或罰坐，但也只有在父親親自坐鎮之下，才感到害怕。我血管裡似乎有無數隻小蟲，如果不許我動，小蟲就渾身亂爬，令我又痠又癢，難以忍受。 只是父親公務繁重，他前腳一走，我後腳就跟著開溜。最後父親只好把我鎖起來，群龍無首，訓練委員會才又恢復了平靜。 後來我常聽父親又好氣又好笑地說：這個娃，我真拿他沒辦法，怎麼打、怎麼罵都不管用，拿繩子把他拴起來，他可以跟繩子玩上一天！ 然而，母親卻有一套非常有效的方法。她先灌輸了一些忠、孝、節、義的觀念，再加上一些栩栩如生的神話故事，令我不得不對冥冥中的秩序感到由衷的敬畏。 她一再強調，人的頭上三尺有神明，每個人的一舉一動，神明都有詳盡的記錄。在人間有人間的法律制度，神明無意干涉。但是當人死了以後，就要回到神明面前，這時閻王爺就會率領判官小鬼，把人在世間的所行所為，一一提出來檢討。神明的因果爽然，善有善果，惡有惡報，若是大奸大惡，就會被打入十八層地獄。 在母親的教誨中，我依稀看到了閻王與小鬼猙獰的模樣，還有那油鍋刀山，森森的白骨。神明這種力量顯然比父親的棍棒更可怕，我逃得了父親的監視，卻擺不掉頭頂上的良知。因此，儘管我很調皮，卻始終不敢沾惹母親所說的壞事。 母親還有一些絕招，就是在必須管制我的時候，她會杜撰或利用傳統中一些故事來轉移我的注意力，這樣遠比打罵更有效率。比如說，夏天的晚上，我們全家常到院中納涼。為了避免我問東問西，母親會叫我去找螢火蟲做螢光燈；再不然就叫我守著天上的流星，在看到流星消逝之前，一方面要用繩子打一個活結，好把流星的精靈繫住，同時要默默的許願。這樣，那個精靈便會幫助我使願望實現。 說來容易，可是我從來沒有做到過。有時結打成了，忘了許願；有時願雖許了，繩結卻沒有打成。總之，我的心中嵌滿了無數晶瑩如同碎鑽似的星星，鍥而不捨地遁入無盡的遙空，追尋又追尋，捕捉又捕捉。每當我上天入地胡思亂想之際，人間便少了個搗蛋小鬼，一家人才能安安靜靜地渡過一個愜意的夏夜。 在中國，每年的除夕總是要全家團圓，歡聚一堂。為了珍惜這難得的良機，人人都要守歲，得熬到子時以後才能睡覺。對我而言，白天已玩得疲累不堪了，一旦要守歲，可就難如登天。 .人嘰嘰喳喳的談話聲，此時都化成了矇矇的催眠曲，聽來軟軟綿綿。我昏昏欲睡，簡直連一分鐘都熬不過去。 母親告訴我，大家守歲的目的，是要等著看老鼠嫁新娘。每年僅此一次，睡著了就錯過了機會，必須再等上一年。 老鼠嫁新娘？那一定有個小小的花轎，小小的鼓樂隊，小小的新郎倌，只是不知道小小新娘子長什麼模樣？想著想著，不覺精神大振。目不轉瞬地，直瞪著任何老鼠可能出現的地方，其他什麼都顧不得了。 我從來沒有看到老鼠新娘。不過，那只能怪自己。因為看不了多久，不由自主地，我總是到夢鄉去追尋了。 常有人說，中國民間流傳著太多迷信，而且溶入生活教育當中，扼殺了自由思考的精神。母親對我的影響極深，照理我應該是受害最重者之一。然而結果卻是相反，要談觀念，我還沒有找到任何人比我的想法更自由。 西方很重視兒童教育，極力鼓勵兒童發揮幻想，所以才有安徒生、格林等童話以及伊索寓言等小品。為什麼外國的童話就不是迷信呢？沒有能力洞悉真相的人，往往喜歡大發謬論，經常找些理由怪罪環境，責備他人！ 由幼年至成長，人的認知必然要經過各種心靈的激盪。認知有對有錯，有是有非，也唯有在對錯是非中印証比較，外界的訊息才能在自己心中發芽生根。家教是人生最重要的一環，父母的智慧與訓誨，是個人人格形成的根基。 我很珍惜這些過去的迷信，那是中國人千百年來所累積的教育方式。不僅把做人做事的哲理溶入了生活行為，達到了管教的目的，也喚起了幼兒的遐思。甚至於在我年紀漸長，對世事有更明確的認知時，還能由此找到自己思維的痕跡。 我就讀於交通小學，學校附近停著不少軍車，有位同學發現軍車的車尾有盞紅燈，常常自動閃光。有人說裡面有顆夜明珠，大家用石頭將車燈逐一打破。哪知裡面除了一片外表平滑內呈稜形的紅玻璃外，連個燈泡都沒有。這個問題曾困惑了我多年，也使得我對光亮、透明的東西特別感到興趣，連帶養成了好奇的動機。 重慶市本是夾在長江與嘉陵江間的一座小山，因拜兩江交通便利之賜，在漢朝以前便是貨物的集散地。由於四川四面環山，四條河流從正中劃過，水氣旺盛，全年多霧。這種霧綿密厚重，尤其以重慶市為最，所以重慶又稱做霧都。 在長江與嘉陵江的交匯處，很像一塊流動的黃色軟玉，旁邊鑲配著一片透明的綠寶石。長江是壯闊的，濁流滾滾，日夜呼嘯，而嘉陵江則溫柔而含情脈脈地依依伴隨在側。兩江水乳交融，任憑無限旖旎風光隨波而去。 我家正臨嘉陵江畔的上方，從高處向下遠眺，一條寧靜、清澈飄流的碧玉錦帶，蜿蜒在青翠的峽谷之中。一逢假日，住在附近的同學就三五成群地爬下斜坡，脫去鞋襪，到淺石堆疊的河岸邊埋頭尋寶。因為同學中盛傳有些石頭是船變的，而且變得很小，如果找到了，我們便可以乘坐小船，到小人國世界去。 尋找中，經常會傳來陣陣歡呼聲，大夥便不由自主地蜂擁過去。總有人穿鑿附會地說那塊石頭是軍艦，甚至於有人認為是飛機，我卻絲毫看不出有什麼特別。我只撿些漂亮可愛的小石頭自我欣賞，也因此無法成為大眾歆羨的對象。 我每次由河邊回來，一定會狠狠地挨上一頓打，不論我如何掩飾，都難逃父親的法眼。越是怕，越是千方百計的撒謊，而每次所說的謊話，連自己都無法相信。好在那些精心收集的石頭，父親只是隨手丟到院子裡。石頭漸漸堆積成了一座小山，在不能出去玩的時候，那些被棄的石塚就會在院子裡頻頻向我招手。 重慶北部有個風景區，名叫北培，父親好像很喜歡那裡，偏偏又是我的最怕。因為我不喜歡洗澡，不喜歡剃頭，只要行動受到限制，我就會痛苦不堪。偏偏北培有個溫泉，溫泉水又燙又臭，一見到那騰騰蒸氣，我就會大哭大嚎，宛似殺豬。 父親的威嚴當然不可違背，可是挨一頓打不過痛上三分鐘。被泡進那地獄似的燙湯中，一定會難過很久。所以，我勇敢的承受著父親的鞭苔，卻不敢嘗試油鍋的滋味。 逼了幾次，害得我一聽到北培就怕。父親沒法瞭解為什麼那麼舒服的享受，天下會有人笨得不懂得欣賞。我也始終不明白，好玩的事物比比皆是，一草一木都趣味無窮。把自己泡在又熱又悶的水池裡，一動都不動，究竟所為何來？ 在那段歲月中，印象最深刻的還是那鬼哭神嚎的日軍空襲。經常在半夜裡，母親一邊嘴裡唸著大慈大悲觀世音菩薩，一邊把我由夢中拉起，忙著為我穿衣服。老實說，警報的笛聲遠不及耳旁母親顫抖的菩薩稱號，來得令人恐怖。 這時，父親總是不知道到哪裡去了。母親一手拉著半睡半醒的我，一手抱著立妹，衝衝撞撞地，隨著流動的人群，鑽進防空洞裡。一進去，黑忽忽的到處是人，汗味煙味薰人欲嘔。每次都是在聞到那種氣息後，我才會清醒過來，然後顧不得母親的勸阻，想盡辦法擠到洞口，希望有熱鬧可以看。 那道柵式的防空洞門早已關閉，外面黑漆漆的，什麼都看不到。可是那股新鮮的空氣，就足夠讓我感到還在人間。身邊擠著不少人，一個個靜悄悄地，仔細聆聽外面的動靜。不久，低沉的爆炸聲開始傳來，每一次聲響，都會引起一陣悸動，或是低低的呻吟。然後，彷彿有一定的過程，爆炸聲由遠而近，越來越是密集 有幾次，爆炸聲非常尖銳，連地皮也震動了。 .們開始煩躁地蠕動，有人忍不住竊竊私語起來。這時總會有一個很有權威的聲音，在黑暗中堅定地說：安靜點！沒有什麼好怕的！ 這樣一直熬到警報再次響起，人們才開始熱烈地討論。可能是什麼地方被炸了，也有人預測鬼子的飛機被打下了幾架。 我最有興趣的，則是跑到洞外，仰望那繁星密集的晴空。探照燈射出一條一條劃破天空的白虹，縱橫交錯地飛舞。有時天上有些浮雲，燈光又如一把伸縮自如的銀劍，忽長忽短地把雲天翻擾成一團團銀亮的白絮。 抗戰勝利的那天，我只記得像過年一樣，街上鞭炮之聲不絕於耳，到處都是興高采烈的人群。我完全不瞭解是怎麼回事，騎在勤務兵肩上，也混在街頭人堆裡，學著大家吵吵嚷嚷。每當見到外國人，我也學別人翹起大拇指，叫著：頂好！ 八年浴血抗日的勝利，帶給許多人升官發財的良機。父親卻本著讀書人的原則，要做大事不做大官，自願回黃岡縣去做縣長。同時又為了實現修身、齊家、治國的理想，便把離散多年的兒女統統召來黃州府，準備好好教育一番。 這時大哥及大姐皆已成家，所以只來了敏生、寧生、漢生及雨生四個姐姐。 治國固不易，齊家尤難，姐姐們很難適應父親的管教，老是陽奉陰違。不多久，各種紛爭、意外事件連連發生。父親天天發脾氣，母親也是日日以淚洗面。最後敏姐演出了一幕吃紅汞水自殺的鬧劇，父親只好承認失敗，姐姐們高高興興地回去了。 一九四七年冬，陳誠出主東北行轅，電召父親