Chapter 13 Twelve, Great Cold

band, Hualien, generation gap, going abroad During this period of Kang Band, it was like living in paradise.There are about three or four times a week to sing, and there are only a few songs that are blown around, and even rehearsals can be avoided.There are four resident female singers on the team, all of whom are good at singing and dancing. In addition, there is a magician, two cross talk talkers and one A Ding who specializes in juggling.As for the band, it was pitifully shabby, with only one drummer, one sax player, sometimes erhu and flute players, and me, the trumpet player. Entertainment was limited at the time, so such shows were quite popular.We traveled all over Taiwan, and even went as far as Penghu.After each performance, there will always be some supper fee, and everyone will go to the most prestigious night market in the local area to eat.It’s really full of food, drink, and entertainment, making people so happy that they forget that they are serving in the military.

The first time I met General Jiang Weiguo, the patriarch of the Armored Forces, was at an important banquet where the host and guest seemed to be a Middle Eastern king.The division headquarters ordered all our musicians to put on new clothes, polish their instruments, and entertain the guests during the banquet. On the morning of the banquet, General Jiang suddenly ordered that Chinese music be played, and when he gave an order, everyone in the team panicked.We have a national band in name, but we haven’t practiced it at all. Whenever we need it, we always borrow from other Kang bands. Now that the fire is burning, the captain and deputy captain have been dispatched, and they have been busy until noon.Unfortunately, Chinese bands are very popular these days, no matter whether they are in the military or civilians, there is nowhere to borrow them.

The captain was sweating anxiously. Our team only had an erhu and a bamboo flute. What kind of Chinese band is this?But who would believe that the armored army of a country can't even gather a country's band. I have heard too many myths about our parents.He is the second son of the former president, and he studied in the German military academy in his early years.After returning to China, he assisted in the establishment of my country's first armored force and is now the commander of the army.He himself is very handsome, and he also attaches great importance to the military appearance of the troops.It is said that when he gathered for a lecture, if he found that the formation was not neat, he would lead the team in front, wear a neat military uniform, and lead all the officers and soldiers to run around the field three times at a neat pace.

He has good physical strength, but he suffers from some pampered teachers and staff members. He is out of breath, and his whole body is exhausted, so that his expression changes when he talks.More than that, he required the entire army to have a high level of knowledge and to have a correct understanding of ideology and the country.Of course, this request is completely reasonable, but in fact there are other difficulties, so that wonderful things happen. At that time, more than 70% of Taiwan's soldiers were farmers' children. They had little education, and most of them could only speak Hokkien.Those with a higher education level and who can speak Mandarin were given priority by the Air Force, Navy, and Gendarmerie, and less than 30% were assigned to the Armored Forces.We usually identify their language ability by looking at the other color bands on each person's left chest.The green ones can speak Mandarin, the yellow ones can't understand it, and the red ones can't speak it at all.

Every time there is a weekly meeting in the Qingquangang auditorium, it is a day when all the troops are worried.Because after the general has made a spiritual speech, he always asks the soldiers what they just said.But there are not many who can understand Mandarin, and if all the soldiers with green belts are gathered together, it can't fill half of the auditorium.Some troops even disguised themselves as officers and mixed in with the soldiers who could not speak Mandarin in an attempt to confuse them. The most effective strategy is to guess the questions before the exam, a by-product of the competition for higher education.According to statistics, the questions asked by generals are often as simple as: Who is our leader?What is our doctrine?etc.Therefore, before the weekly meeting, according to the topic of the general's speech that day, some military advisers studied and judged the situation and listed a question and answer. Everyone made up their minds and memorized the standard answers.

I heard that once I failed to mix successfully, I made a fool of myself.Under the general's fury, the division, regiment, battalion, company, and platoon leaders were all punished.That was after the general had just talked about an international situation, he casually pointed to a soldier and asked: Who is our enemy? According to the standard answer, the staff member said loudly in Mandarin that was not easy to speak: Great President Jiang! So this time the general appointed to use Chinese music, but he was in a hurry, and everyone would remember it if he didn't do it well.What I'm worried about is not that I've made a mistake, I'm just afraid that the general will be caught off guard, and the men and women of our band, holding musical instruments and wearing costumes, will run around Qingquangang a few times. I don't know what the king is thinking?

The captain was sweating profusely, and hurriedly called everyone to a meeting to seek good ideas. Our vice-captain has always been resourceful, and at this moment he also said with a sad face: It's not that the commander-in-chief doesn't know our level, so why did he suddenly encounter such a problem at this juncture? The captain looked at his watch and said: There are still six full hours, everyone should find a way. The musical instruments that the team can make up include a huqin, an erhu, a bamboo flute, a hole flute, a wooden fish, and a pair of wooden bells.Only the erhu and the bamboo flute can play, and Mu Xiangling himself can make up for it.The drama report of the Military Chinese Orchestra is completed.The one who talks is the stage manager of the band, and usually talks about cross talk.

I can blow a hole job.Old Chen, who played the saxophone, volunteered. The only difference is the huqin and wooden fish.The captain breathed a sigh of relief. That's far from it. The wooden fish is the drum of Western music, and the huqin is the violin. If there is no main instrument, what else can you play?The drama manager was talking about authentic Beijing movies, which was true, and the captain was not an amateur, so he stood up anxiously. Discussed for a long time, but how to find staff.And such an important banquet, for safety reasons, cannot be found casually.The captain sighed and looked at his watch. Time flew by and no one had any ideas.

I didn't want to be nosy, and in fact I couldn't, but an idea might help.I used to play the violin, and it was like killing chickens and ducks, but it was always okay to fill the scene.I said: In fact, as long as there is a main instrument, it can also be used as a supplement. I suggest that the huqin be given to Lao Wang, who plays the erhu, and Ah Huang, who plays the drums, to beat the wooden fish. quit!quit!Pharaoh shouted. no!no!Ah Huang yelled. But the captain jumped up happily: "Good idea, after all, he drank ink, so let's do it!"It's just that we have to find someone who can play the erhu.

I said: As long as Lao Wang can deal with it, I have played the violin. Although it is not good, at least it can fill the scene. So the national band was established in a hurry, and they practiced hard with a few popular songs in our cities.Old Wang just doesn't want to ask for trouble. His skill in playing the huqin is about the same as that of playing the erhu.Ah Huang is suffering, and the drum can still be played, but the wooden fish is used as a drum, and the sound is loud enough, but it sounds like fried shredded pork with eggs without the smell of fish! When the time came, cars and horses gathered in front of the Officers and Soldiers Club on Qingquangang.The chief of staff, the commander-in-chief, the generals of the national army with stars shining on their shoulders, and the foreign guests in various rare dresses sat down one after another.Our Chinese band also quietly played the weeping orchestral strings, but fortunately, the cups and glasses were intertwined at the banquet, and the sound of laughter overwhelmed our noise.Everyone is convinced that this catastrophe has been escaped.

I noticed that there was a very dashing middle-aged general here, who often cast casual glances at us and continued to joke. I quietly asked Lao Chen: Who is our commander? The one who always looks at us.He also noticed. I don't see the situation well. Even if the sky falls, it won't fall on you and me. What are you afraid of? After the dinner was over, the remaining seats were removed, and the seats were lined up to form a stage.I thought to myself, this is over. The few songs we prepared have been repeated to the second round, and the third round will be the next round.As soon as the guests and hosts sat down, our commander, General Jiang, came out and stopped our performance with gestures. The general faced the distinguished guests and said: Your Majesty, distinguished guests, and senior officers, on behalf of all the officers and soldiers of our army, I would like to extend my highest respect to you all.After speaking, he gave a grand military salute, and the audience applauded warmly. The general said: "Now, our army's Jaguar Kang Band will present our country's unique national music to treat the distinguished guests sincerely." There was another burst of applause from the audience. The captain hurriedly asked us to play Sunset, which is the song we are most familiar with.Lao Wang secretly said one, two, three, four, and everyone played carefully along with the huqin. Halfway through the performance, the general stood up and walked towards us.At this time, everyone was tense, and everyone's limbs were weak, and the sound of the music gradually stopped. The general turned around and said to the distinguished guests: I'm sorry, the times have progressed, and our army's band can only play popular songs.And in the spirit of the armored soldiers, it has become a march, so let's come down and show our ugly face!As he spoke, he took the wooden fish from Ah Huang's hand, and said to us: "Slow down, follow me, come on!"one two three! It is indeed extraordinary, the wooden fish point is on the second half of the beat, and the rhythm of the Rumba emerges spontaneously.Everyone followed one by one in a panic, and after a while, the round and pretty taste was revealed in the sound of wooden fish, full of charm. One song was over, and in the warm applause of everyone, several more songs were performed.The general seemed to be commanding the troops, and from time to time he said that the sound of the huqin was too loud, the harmony of the erhu was too soft, or that the flute was out of time.Sure enough, a little change gave life to the music that was originally a noise like chickens and dogs barking, and became more pleasant. Since I joined the team, this is the first time that I have had a coach, who has trained the band in an orderly manner in an instant.Wouldn't it be better if he was transferred to the band?Maybe it can be played around the world, I can't help daydreaming. No one is counted, and there is no grand occasion of running around the playground in arms and costumes.But the general confessed that our standards were too low and we lost the reputation of our army. During the Kang band, there is another thing that is deeply engraved in my heart, and I can't forget it for a moment.This incident shows that people's willpower is far better than temporary bravery. As long as you persevere and survive to the end, victory will eventually come. Our deputy captain is a well-known ruthless man in our army. He is extremely strong and powerful, and everyone is afraid of him. One day, a little man nicknamed Nan Tian Wang was sent to the team.It is said that he is still a dangerous person, and he is specially designated to be taken care of by the deputy captain. As soon as Nan Tianwang arrived at the team, he and the vice-captain got into a fight. They didn't agree with each other, and the two went to the back mountain to fight.After the fight, the vice-captain came back first, as if nothing had happened.After a long time, I saw Nan Tianwang's face covered with bruises and blood stains appearing on his body.He went to bed and fell asleep without saying a word.We thought things were settled and no one took it to heart. When he woke up the next day, Nan Tianwang said to the vice-captain: Let's go! The deputy captain raised his eyebrows and said: Didn't you learn enough yesterday? We'll see!Unless between you and me, which one dies first, otherwise!snort!We are endless! We all felt a chill when we heard it. The deputy captain snorted, with a look of disdain, and the two left again. After a long time, the vice-captain was covered in blood and came back first, with a smug smile on his face.Nan Tian Wang didn't come back until noon, and he was already out of human form.Just like yesterday, I climbed into bed and fell asleep. On the third day, Nan Tianwang struggled to get up, and said to the vice-captain again: "Let's go!" The deputy captain froze for a moment, and said: Are you really not afraid of death? fear death?Kind of you kill me, otherwise, I'll kill you! After a few days of this, Nan Tianwang was nearly blind and limped.With one hand wrapped in the sleeve, with a hoarse voice and howling mournfully, he still shouted: "Let's go!" The vice-captain was already at the end of his strength, and he often got up in the middle of the night to secretly check on Nan Tianwang's injuries.No matter how ruthless he is, if he kills someone, he will have to live with him.None of us dared to persuade them. Everyone was worried when they were on the show. If the fight continued, a tragedy would happen right away. The vice-captain stared at Nan Tian Wang, and Nan Tian Wang smiled like a devil, as if the fire of hell was burning in his heart.The blood clots on his face were like volcanic lava, and the dark cracks were covered with bright red tender flesh, as long as he poked his finger lightly, hot blood would spurt out wildly. The female colleagues hid behind the door, covering their faces with curiosity and fear to peek. Everyone stared with bated breath, and there was silence all around. The vice-captain is a smart man. He thought over and over again and knew that if this continues, both sides will suffer.Although the fist is ruthless, it cannot defeat the strong will.In the end he finally gave in, and apologized to Nan Tian Wang in front of the leaders of the whole army, held a grand banquet for more than a dozen seats, and turned the war into jade. The Kang band is not part of the formal organization of the army, just like various teams, it depends entirely on the preferences of the commander of the army.To run the Kang Orchestra well, the funds must be sufficient.Therefore, in addition to the routine labor performances two or three times a week, we also strive to perform publicly on various occasions. We only have two sets of programs in total, and other Kang bands are similar to us.Sing a few songs, have some cross talk, show tricks, plus acrobatics and magic tricks, and it takes more than an hour to pass.Fortunately, there are many piers running, from north to south, including outer islands, the same point only runs once a year, and no one will remember what program was last time. Once, we performed at Taipei Yuanshan Children's Park.I heard that some experts were present, and the captain asked me to sing English songs temporarily.I have sung it a few times before, but they were all in small remote places. It is rare that there are a few people who can understand English, so I just treat it like a duck listening to thunder.I was holding the guitar alone, playing and singing by myself, admiring and enjoying myself.However, Taipei is Taipei after all, the quality of singing is second to none, the main reason is that I have too many acquaintances, once my singing is discovered, the consequences will be disastrous. The captain brought out the military order to suppress me, full of grievances, but as soon as he appeared on the stage, trouble came. The song I chose was North to Alaska, the theme song of the movie Northland Gold Hunt. Logically, I should memorize the guitar first and sing it as soon as I play.In protest, I didn't fix my guitar until I got on stage.At the time, the straps were messy and tangled.I finally hung the guitar on my shoulders, but my glasses were almost squeezed out. I was nervous, oops!Forgot the lyrics! My mind went blank, and I couldn't stop it, so I just followed the tune and made up some nonsense about Ayiwuye.After the performance, Ah Huang brought a leader of the choir to me, hoping that I would join their choir after I was discharged from the army.I politely declined, but as an expert, he said regretfully: Actually, you sing very well, but the English pronunciation is not accurate!Just correct it. Not long after, the team's funding was cut and it was facing the crisis of disbanding.Due to the long history of the Jaguar Kang Band, the military department is also reluctant to let it disappear, so the team is ordered to be self-reliant, and only the serving soldiers retain the establishment. This means that, except for the military pay of our serving soldiers, the salaries and other expenses of other singers, magicians, etc. have to be figured out by themselves.What else is there to do?Once these people are gone, they will never be found again.We have worked together for many years, and we already have a tacit understanding, and another batch of people is tantamount to starting anew. The captain drew up a plan, intending to cooperate with the folk song and dance troupe, tour the whole province and split the accounts equally.The division had no choice but to approve.So we took off our military uniforms and started our colorful career on the pier. We are cooperating with the Oriental Girls Song and Dance Troupe. They only have a dozen mountain girls, no band, and no juggling.But they have performance contracts in big cities and small towns all over the province, so the two hit it off.The few of us in the band didn't know that the so-called girl singing and dancing troupe was performing striptease until after the performance! Before the show, the team leader told them not to ask too many questions. When it comes to their show, they can play whatever they want, as long as there is sound.Anyway, our band has always been talking nonsense, and we can handle any situation.Everyone agreed to have a section for each instrument to save energy, because there are four performances a day, each for two hours! The first performance was in Changhua, and we didn't know what to do. Anyway, we just saw the tricks, so what are we afraid of!When their show arrived, the lights in the audience dimmed and the drums sounded.It was originally agreed that I would play a small trumpet solo first, and it was a rare opportunity for me to perform in the theater! The band seats are not bad in size, with classic reliefs and dim crystal chandeliers.A heavy velvet curtain hangs in front, so that the entire stage cannot be seen.Since I am allowed to perform freely, in this mood, Schubert's Ave Maria played with a clear and loud trumpet must have a special charm. It was pitch black under the stage, and there was only one spotlight on the stage. With my eyes closed, I was intoxicated by my own music.This piece has several consecutive climaxes, especially when the glissando is used to pull up the highest tonic from the lowest note, which requires considerable skill.After playing the first verse, I was supposed to wait for the band to play in unison. Since the other colleagues agreed to rest first, I had to repeat the three lines of Santa Maria. All of a sudden, I felt someone honked the horn and the spotlight shone.When I opened my eyes, there was a strong silver light in my eyes, and I couldn't see anything except the giggling of the audience in my ears.At this time, there seemed to be a long shadow hanging on the horn, and I subconsciously shook it, but the more I shook it, the louder the laughter from the audience.I didn't care about blowing it anymore, put away the horn, and looked at it with the lamp behind my back.God, it's a black bra! From then on, whenever the striptease started, I would run away immediately.Once it was staged in a remote small place, and there were many audiences, most of whom were soldiers.In the crowd, I saw a classmate from the Agricultural College. I have always been arrogant. If the news of sacrificing my appearance gets out, where will I hide my face?So I want to ask him to explain. The striptease came on stage, I hurriedly slipped off the stage, squeezed through the crowd, and got to the side of that classmate.I was throwing this and that on the stage, and I patted the shoulder of the classmate who was concentrating on it. He looked back and only asked: "Are you coming too?"Immediately turned his eyes to the stage. Since then, I no longer worry about it. Of all the people who bought tickets to enter, none of them wanted to see their old classmates. During my several months of life on the dock, those mountain girls made me feel full of emotions. They are the same people, but their lives are very different.They all came here voluntarily, and no one forced them, because life in the mountains was too harsh, and they didn't have enough food and clothing.Their monthly salary is only one or two hundred yuan, and they often spend all the money as soon as they get it.Fortunately, the regiment provides food and accommodation, and the food is not bad, but they live on the stage, in the car, or sometimes anywhere they can shelter. They are all only fourteen or fifteen years old, and their development is generally stunted. Except for one main dancer who is a little taller, the rest specialize in lap dancing in the group.And the short legs are full of erythema and sores, which is unbearable to see. As for the striptease, it is purely stripping, or even stripping, without any sense of dancing.He took off all his clothes, and coyly let some drunkards who spent money take a closer look.At that moment, what exactly is what everyone sees and thinks in their eyes and hearts?Does this count as entertainment? I think that entertainment truly reflects the cultural level of a society, and only after solving the problem of survival can people pay attention to the art of life.In the same society, only when the vast majority of people have the ability to pursue the enjoyment of life (including entertainers, not only to entertain others, but also to satisfy themselves), even striptease has the art of stripping And the technique of dancing.It's definitely not just stripping off your clothes and letting people stare dumbfounded, let alone paying for tickets just to refer to other people's body organs. I grew up in the city, and what I usually see and hear is limited to the people and events around me.I know that China is poor and backward, because the textbooks say so. As for what poverty and backwardness are, without objective data comparison, it is just an adjective that is not glamorous. Since the government moved to Taiwan, under a stable environment, the economy has gradually grown, industry and commerce have risen, and the middle class has become the backbone of society.A prosperous scene often makes the people of the country complacent, thinking that they have got rid of the shame of poverty and backwardness.It is even common to hear government figures boasting that our current living conditions have exceeded the highest level in history. I always think that comparing the current material level with the past is an irresponsible attitude of putting gold on the face.Any modern man holding a gun can become a god when he returns to primitive times?Material civilization has come grandly, and the whole world is enjoying its glory. Progress is originally the responsibility of our generation.With today's advanced science, unless we have no shame, getting rid of poverty is a matter of course. Getting rid of poverty does not mean that we are no longer behind.The so-called backwardness has many meanings. From a comparative point of view, as long as someone is ahead, as long as someone is richer than us, we are relatively behind.From the perspective of the times, no matter how rich one is, ignorance and ignorance represent the backwardness of education.The closed-mindedness and vulgar tastes of the society and the general public are the backwardness of the cultural level. In the past, rural China was poor, but not vulgar, because under the constraints of traditional concepts, morality has become the standard believed by the public, and people's hearts are simple and peaceful.The nouveau riche who started with the blessing of economic development cannot appreciate the value of simplicity and tranquility.Arrogance has paralyzed their conscience, and they don't know anything except money. There is not much difference between human nature and animal nature. Morality is like an invisible rope, which leads people to the road of harmony and happiness outside the rigid laws.Today, in order to develop the economy, abandoning morality aside, the result will be the bankruptcy of society.Due to different opportunities and circumstances, some people are rich, while others are still struggling on the edge of survival.It is human nature for rich people to think about lust when they are full and warm, but those who are unable to do so are naturally reduced to the top fish. From the standpoint of the rule of law alone, this kind of thing involves human nature and cannot be prevented.From an economic standpoint, there is no need to prevent it.Because regardless of human nature and animal nature, they are the driving force to stimulate social prosperity, and moral integrity will make it difficult to promote the economy.In today's era where the whole world is competing for materialistic satisfaction, can we make an exception?In the process of human existence, pure spiritual culture and indulgent life enjoyment obviously cannot coexist. Which one is more important? I can't come up with an answer. Poverty is absolutely necessary to get rid of. To avoid poverty, we must develop the economy.For ordinary people, if there is no temptation of profit, why should they work so hard to make money?Now that you have money, of course you have to spend it and enjoy it.where are the flowersWhat to enjoy?If there is no spiritual need, what else does a person need to serve but the physical senses? The worse mentality is to show that they are rich, and to win the envious eyes of others, they will do everything they can.Society is a large-scale dye vat, and everyone admires it and emulates it.Some people even have to pay a high price for a ecstasy dance when they are holding a funeral, so that the living can be satisfied and the dead can rest in peace. From these mountain fellows, I saw the dark side of human society. For a while, I wanted to go to the mountains to serve them.However, even if I try my best all my life, what will be the result?If people in the world live like this forever, unable to find the meaning of life, what else can they do besides only caring about their own selfish desires and taking advantage of the moment?For me, if I don't have a clear understanding, I am afraid that I will be too busy to take care of myself, let alone serve others? This is a basic issue in the world, and its importance far exceeds politics and economics.As long as there is no answer for one day, this situation of the jungle will not disappear.I don't have to witness it with my own eyes. Here and there, as long as there are people, there will be countless poor people like them, life after life, always struggling on the edge of ignorance and ignorance. After retiring from the army, I began to prepare to face my future.I didn't find a clue in my mind, but I was not satisfied with what I saw in front of me.In terms of direction, I decided to engage in film work. I think that the technology must be properly prepared. Once I have specific concepts and ideas, I can immediately use the film as a tool for advocacy and promotion. Back home, when my father saw me, he said: Tomorrow you go to Hualien and report to Principal Cheng. What to report?I was in a fog. You go to Hualien Agricultural School to teach! I'm not willing to teach, I've got a job.I wasn't going to tell my father about the movie, he wouldn't understand, let alone agree. Not teaching?What else can you do? Please don't worry, I have a job. audacious in the extreme!Do you think that after graduating from college, you can make your own decisions? i didn't mean that Then go tomorrow! Of course I can resist, but seeing my father's demeanor, he is getting old day by day.And I'm still young, the future time is all in my hands, what's the rush?I still have a lot to learn. I remember a joke about a heinous gangster who went to the eighteenth floor of hell after his death.Just when he was regretting that he should not have done bad things at the beginning, so that he fell to where he is today.He was very surprised when he suddenly heard a sound on the floor below, so he knocked on the floor and asked, "Hi!who are you?How could it be more serious than the crime I committed? The people below sighed and said: I am a teacher, and the king of Hades said that I misled my disciples, and the crime would be aggravated. I don't want to mislead my students, there are already too many teachers who are not responsible.Since it is my turn to be a teacher today, I should learn from the pain and take responsibility. I was appointed as the tutor of the second year of junior high school, teaching them algebra, physics and chemistry, in addition to teaching English for the third year of junior high school, with a total of 20 hours of lessons a week.These are the subjects that made me downgrade in the second year of the attached middle school, and it is no coincidence that they have become today's challenges. It is indeed true that teaching benefits each other. I studied the textbook thoroughly from the beginning, only to find that there are many things I don’t know much about.In order to increase the interest of the students, I prepared a lot of fascinating themes, and I thought that with these, I could train some outstanding talents. More than half of the class are mountain students. I was afraid that their standards were too low.But according to the tutor handbook issued by the school, the average score of the whole class was as high as 85 points in the past performance records!And as their mentor, I never dreamed of such an achievement in my life. I took the class tremblingly for a day. After self-reflection, I think it should be taught very well.The students listened carefully, not moving at all, and sat upright from class to class.Whenever I ask them: Do you understand?They all answered in unison: Yes! The next day, I was also satisfied, but felt that something was missing.I tried my best to say some jokes, but I couldn't see any reaction on the faces of those excellent students who were like wood carvings and clay sculptures.Have I lost my sense of humor?Otherwise, the folk customs here are simple and simple, and everyone can't accept it?Because not only my class, but every class, everyone's eyes were wide open, with a look of concentration, clearly trying to listen to the class seriously. On the third day, I decided to test the reaction of the students. It was an algebra class. I asked some students to solve some equations in front of the blackboard.They were very obedient, everyone walked up to the podium in a proper manner, picked up the chalk, and then froze in the window of time and space.I waited for a long time, and no one wrote a word!Batch after batch was changed, one by one obediently walked up, and one by one obediently walked down, and no one said that he would not! I seem to have fallen into a strange dream, is it true?Is it phantom?Why is it that none of the outstanding students with an average score of 85 can solve the equation that has just been taught?If it is said that my teaching is wrong, why has no one raised an opinion?What puzzles me even more is why these students are like robots, walking up and down obediently, even refusing to say: I can't do it?Am I insane, distorting the sight in front of me? I keep reminding myself to calm down and recognize the facts first.After the last student in the class left the podium, I patiently asked everyone: Do you understand my lesson? Everyone is in unison: understand! Now that you know it, why doesn't anyone do it? No one answered, they all stared at me, as if they thought I was strange.I called the squad leader and asked him to tell me why. Our previous teachers told us to say this. But do you really understand? don't know. I don't understand why you don't ask? He stopped talking, and I started breaking down the equation one by one in order to figure out what they didn't understand.Every time I mentioned a paragraph, I asked the students who didn't understand to raise their hands. As a result, when I finished explaining, all the students in the class raised their hands high! Where is the problem?Asking them is like talking to a stone, so I will start with the simplest formula, no one understands!It was not until the end that they realized that they didn't even understand the basic definition.What's going on here?I'm in the second grade of junior high school, and I don't even understand these definitions. How can I teach them? Helpless, I started with a hypothetical proposition and asked again, but they still didn't understand. I became very angry, so I called the monitor up again, and said with restraint, "Please tell me kindly, which sentence or where to start, so that you don't understand." He thought for a long time, and said in a low voice: I don't know what the teacher wrote. There were only a few English letters and mathematical symbols written on the blackboard. I was shocked and thought of the most impossible possibility: this is English, don’t you even know English letters? Won't.he said for sure. God!What kind of middle school is this?In order to prove it, I ask everyone again: Please raise your hand if you recognize these English words.Sure enough, no one raised their hands. Raise your hand if you recognize these mathematical symbols.No one raised their hands, so I said again: Please raise your hands if you don’t recognize these mathematical symbols.The whole class raised their hands. Apart from raising their hands, these students don't even recognize plus and minus signs!What about the ninety-nine multiplication table?Less than 20% of the class will know, what about numbers?I actually know only 50% of them! After class, I went straight to the principal, who was also my father's subordinate.I opened my mouth and said: Principal Cheng, I can't teach anymore. Don't worry, are the students' standards poor? Not bad, they shouldn't even be graduating from elementary school.Does the principal know that they don't even know numbers in the second grade of junior high school? Principal Cheng sighed and said: Of course I know, but there is no way, most of these students are mountain people.In order to help them study and find employment, the government sent people to the mountains to ask them to study.Everything is at public expense, but they still refuse to come, because they have to work and hunt since they were young, and if there is no one in the family, there will be less income.In the end, some of the public funds were transferred to them to supplement their families, so the students were invited. Then when they come, they should teach them well!You may wish to look at the report card, the average score is 85, and you only speak one word in class, so what can you learn? This is also a last resort. The government stipulates that if the grades are not good, they will be sent back, so they have to assign points.As for teaching, that is your responsibility as teachers. Yes, it is my duty to teach them, but there is another way of teaching elementary school children, and I don't know where to start.Besides, they really don't want to study, so we should respect their wishes. This method may not really help them. I think you should be wronged, the environment here is good, you can just read your own books, don't the other teachers teach very happily?Young people, it is better to be patient. What the principal said is right. The Hualien Agricultural School is located on a hillside in the suburbs of Hualien City. The environment is beautiful, with green grass everywhere and trees.In addition to the heart-warming breeze, there are light and pleasant birdsong.At that time, Taiwan was accelerating development everywhere, and it was rare to see such a virgin land that still maintained its innocence.Colleagues also persuaded me that such a life is so comfortable. If the students are of high level, it will be difficult to be a teacher. Some teachers live here for the elderly, while the young ones study English diligently and plan to study in the United States.I had nothing to do, and I couldn't be idle, so I volunteered to be the school's basketball coach.Originally, there were so many unknown teams, no one to manage or teach them, but the headmaster made a decision like this to appease me. Since the mountain students have plenty of physical strength, I specially teach them fast break.Every time the ball is served in the backcourt, the own players will be divided into two groups, one group will respond in the midfield, and the other group will go straight to the bottom line, and pass to the bottom of the basket whenever there is a chance.This trick is very effective, no matter how strong the opponent is, we will not score more than ten seconds each time.After less than two months of teaching, he repeatedly defeated various strong teams in Hualien, and even scored more than 20 points for the champion of the local social group. When the team became famous, the physical education teacher became jealous, and the principal was helpless after being quarreled by him.Anyway, in the end, my coaching authority was lifted, and the team's fast break also failed, and the original state of life and death was restored. At that time, I was in the age of exuberant energy and unstoppable youth, and my need for the opposite sex was very strong.But because there is no opportunity, he often struggles under his own physical pressure and feels uneasy.A bachelor teacher, in order to find a companion, took me to a green light house once, which was a government-approved prostitution venue. In all fairness, I'd love to experience the sex life I've been thinking about day and night, because I don't have any sexual experience except wet dreams.Especially the excitement of spending time with my younger sister once made my blood pulse racing and my heart itches.But I didn't dare to cross her line of defense. Every time I struggled between my soul and my body, I was miserable. What's worse is that I pay too much attention to the feelings of the heart. Even in fantasies, I have specific objects and special atmospheres.Not to mention prostitutes, even ordinary girls don't attract my attention much. 在長時期的蘊釀中，正因為珍視這種強烈的感受，我認為與特定的異性，應該有種相互投入、心神交匯的共感，這種私密性只能屬於兩個人，不能與第三者分享。因此，我要將這第一次的機會保留下來，直到有了適當的對象，再作純潔無疵的奉獻。 那位同事的看法正好相反，他認為性和吃飯一樣，只是一種生理需要，我把性看得太神聖，根本不切實際。這種說法本不值一辯，各人有各人所重視的觀念，我不反對他去吃另一種飯，他也不可能說服我隨便找個女人就可以上床。 但我有個很大的弱點，就是經常強調要體驗人生，追求真理。於是他批評我，說我自命純潔，如果不去體驗性事，怎能瞭解人生中最重要的一部分呢？ 這話說得有理，令我啞口無言，我所重視的是自己的感受，本就與他人無關。如果只為了表示自己的道德觀，只為了忠實於未來的妻子，那麼就應該放棄自己追求的目標，做一個正正常常的人算了。 我隨他到了一個相當有規模的場所，幾十個濃粧艷抹的女人坐在一旁，他一一地叫過來，我卻一個也看不上眼。最後他不管我願不願意，把我和一個小女孩推進一個小房間裡。那個女孩一進去，便脫光衣服，就地一躺。 人生的第一遭，總難免充滿了憧憬，心理上懷著既神秘又興奮的感受，滿以為飄飄欲仙的時機即將到來。至不濟，我還可以用幻想鋪成錦繡大地，眼前是一尊如玉似脂的雕像，任我把柔情化為甘露。 詩中不是有嗎？雲雨巫山枉斷腸，那雲端的飄渺，雨中的清新，人生的巔峰！即令那只是詩，詩人總不會刻意欺騙吧？ 然而在那一剎，我聞到的，是一股衝鼻的霉濕、騷羶的氣息。我看到的，卻是一片污穢不堪的地板，一個姿態非常不雅的肉團，成大字形地攤在面前。我驚訝得楞住了，我在做什麼？難道就是這樣枉斷腸？ 她不耐煩地催我過去，叫我快一點！為什麼要快一點？這不是一種享受嗎？顯然不是的，至少她並沒有把這當作享受，我怎會傻得來到這裡呢？ 幻想破滅了，我想逃出去，可是又充滿好奇。我不應該把幻想與現實混為一談，可能這才是人生的真實，只不過為了遮掩這種醜態，人才有了種種美化的掩飾。 猶豫了半響，我靦腆地脫了衣服，廉價的香水味塞滿鼻孔，眼前是一張放大的、惡形惡狀的臉孔。我暈頭轉向地、本能地掙扎著，對自己的行為充滿了厭惡。一會兒，那女孩推我起來，告訴我已經完事了，我如獲大赦，自始至終懊惱不已。 一週以後，我得了淋病，為了治病又是打針、又是吃藥。自此，我對性更是避而遠之。這次的打擊，知道的人雖然不多，我卻耿耿於懷，更不想在花蓮待下去。 我不想混一輩子，人生苦短，時間一去不返，一天沒有收穫，就白活了一天。教了一學期後，我毅然地辭去了教職，我不惜離開家裡，也要和父親說明自己的理想與決心。 可能是成校長已經向父親解釋過了，所以當我提到要自己找工作時，父親只說：找什麼工作呢？ 我知道一提電影就沒有轉圜的餘地，這時正好教育電視台開播，父親也買了電視機，每天收看，於是我說我想從事電視的工作。 電視！父親驚吼著，由椅子上彈了起來：你怎麼這樣沒有出息？大學都畢業了，還是一點責任心都沒有？ 電視事業不是為社會服務的行業嗎？責任可重大得很呢！ 你是學農的，應該從事農業！ 是的，可是我雖然畢了業，農卻沒有學通 父親臉上冒著青筋，眼絲中發出了紅紅的怒光：混帳！讀了四年書，花了你老子多少錢？你居然敢對我說書沒有讀通？沒有讀通就再給我回去讀！ 爸爸，我不是學農的料子，再讀十年也沒有用！ 那你就是白痴！ 可是我對藝術很有心得。 How unreasonable!那為什麼要去學農呢？不是浪費我的錢嗎？ 爸爸忘了，我是要去學音樂的，可是您不准。 當然不准，那種沒有出息的事，哼！唱歌的！ 我知道，在老一輩的觀念中，在任何職業後面加一個的字，就表示非常的鄙視。這樣辯下去，只會把事情搞得更糟，不如用理性的態度相互討論，我相信一定會有結果的。 所以，我把話題一轉，對父親說：記得爸爸是要我考電機的。 父親臉色和緩了些，露出百般無奈的神色，說：我們朱家沒有這個福分，有什麼辦法？ 電視機是電機專家設計的，是吧？ 可是你不肯學電機呀！你以為小時候裝裝收音機就行了？電視機可是一項大學問，大學就要學四年！父親以為我開竅了，安心地坐了下去。 是的，電機是個大學問，要學四年，可是其他的科系也一樣要學四年。 父親沒有聽出我弦外之音，還在期望我回心轉意去學電機：你現在去學，來得及嗎？你小時候對科學很有天分，現在都糟塌了！ 因為我不懂學電機有什麼用處？ 有什麼用處？你看，電視機就是例子。 電視機又有什麼用呢？ 給人看呀！我們工作累了，可以輕鬆一下，有什麼新聞，立刻可以知道。所有進步的國家都有電視，我國才剛剛起步，所以需要大量的人材。 父親很有耐心地開導我，這是我們父子間極少有的現象，或許是難得有共同立場的緣故。只是我很遺憾，我們兩代之間的鴻溝太深了，為了自己的理想，我絕不能妥協。 有了電視機，總還要有節目吧？I asked again. certainly. 是不是電視機比電視節目還重要呢？ 父親猶豫了一下，他可能認為我還是個孩子，需要教育，所以說：不能這樣說，都很重要。 那麼設計電視節目，應該和設計電視機一樣，是為國家及社會服務了啊！我終於由父親自己的話中，導出了我要說的主題。 父親狐疑地望著我，打量了我一下，試探地問：你不是想去設計電視節目吧？ 爸爸，您不是常說事無貴賤，人無高低嗎？都是為國家服務，設計電視節目又有什麼不好？ 父親一聽，怒眼圓睜，立刻從椅子上跳起，大喝一聲：混帳！沒有什麼不好，只是我們朱家世代清白，不能讓你污了門楣！好吧，你能說會道，你有本事，你要做什麼我不管，只是不要用我的姓！ 有了父親這句話，我就滿意了，反正為的是興趣，出不出名無關緊要。這時莊靈在台大視聽中心工作，正好中心需要個技術人員，而遍尋不著。經由莊靈的推薦，我就掛名做了個臨時雇員，負責剪輯影片。 我剪輯的第一部作品，是中心主任所拍的一部十六釐米的記錄片，共有一萬餘呎。由於他的攝影機性能優良，他也充分發揮了拉近、拉遠的特性，令人看得眼花撩亂，其中竟然沒有一個靜態的鏡頭。 由於人的視覺很容易受到光影變化的吸引，動態鏡頭只是為了表現運動以及動作的相對關係。對人的認知而言，畫面當以靜態為主，這樣人才有時間思索、進而瞭解。即使是運動片、武打片，無不應以事物的交待為主，否則人看電影目的何在？ 據說中心主任是留美的博士，專攻視聽教育，怎麼會拍出這種片子來呢？我猜又是技術作祟，一個沒有觀念的人，當他手執一把金光耀眼的大刀時，除了舞個風雨不透之外，還能做些什麼？ 拉進、拉出是表達距離的技術，一般遠距倍數不高的攝影機，很難拍出像樣的效果。該主任必然是手中有了先進的武器，就忘了拍電影的目的了。 這種情形我屢見不鮮，有人文字功力不錯，於是只重辭藻堆砌，以文害意；有人買了一部衛星顯微照相機，於是每一幅作品都是巨細無遺的芝麻變紅豆；有了身歷聲高效音響，人們就豎直了耳朵，為的是要捕捉那無時不在、揮之不去的真實的噪音，或者是那低於每秒鐘十六週的超低音頻率。 這就是現代文明！一時的視聽刺激，居然只因為有了物質基礎，就搖身一變，明正言順地登堂入室，蔚為藝術？只要外國老祖宗流行的，我們不效法就不夠時髦！流風所及，難怪女性拉皮隆胸，男士濃粧艷抹。其根本原因就在於人們喪失了判斷的標準，一味迷戀可見可得的技術成果，忘卻了技術之目的。 不論文學、音樂、繪畫、攝影，也不論是中國、美國、日本、歐洲，人就是人，所有的創作都是借助技術，以達到藝術的廟堂，追求人性最高的境界。如果我們把這個準則否定了，一切為技術而技術，標新立異，各盡所能。遲早物質享受將會取代人的感知，財力成為藝術的象徵，人性化為物性。 我想盡了辦法，僅保留了那些雖在移動，卻不太離譜的鏡頭，將萬餘呎剪輯成數百呎的片子，不到幾分鐘就放完了。中心主任看了，對他的傑作贊嘆不止，連連表示還要再拍。 後來中文系要拍一段周朝禮儀，我兼做導演及編劇，由莊靈執鏡，成績平平。這時，有人委托我們拍一部電視廣告，主題是錄音電話機。莊靈找來國立藝專畢業的李至善，由他導演，我來編劇。記得那是台灣第一部電視廣告片，我們根本不知道電視螢光幕與電影片的比例有別，片子拍完了，毛片的效果不錯。畫面上是一個有經理派頭的胖子，在電話鈴響時，手忙腳亂，以襯托出錄音電話的功能。 由於要強調胖子接電話的窘勁，我們用的是大特寫，胖子的臉佔滿了畫面，電話筒則換來換去。莊靈利用黃金分割，把鏡頭安排得精確無比，一點空間都沒有浪費，我們無不佩服他的功力。料不到電視螢幕比電影螢幕要小得多，播放出來，胖子的頭及下巴都不見了，只剩下一個大鼻子、一張大嘴，以及一些黑忽忽的圓筒，不斷地飛來飛去。 這時，由於近水樓台，我與小妹的來往頻繁，接觸一多，性的需求就油然而生。我必須作個決定，如果她也對我有著同樣的感受，我們應該及早結婚。在她的支持下，我可能會達到我所追求的部分目的，否則我們應該立刻分手，使彼此沒有牽掛和負累。 因此，我向她求婚，她要徵求她母親的意見。她母親則堅持要我父親出面，必須明媒正娶，否則有失家門聲望。 我知道父親不僅不會出面，而且絕對反對我們的婚事。所以我建議不通知家人，私自結婚算了，小妹不答應，她認為這樣會導致家庭的不幸。 我們分手時，也和其他未經人世的青年一般，純潔天真，祝福對方有著美好的未來。且相互盟誓，彼此要珍重這段感情，永遠保持真純的友誼。 我開始專心研究電影，由於我國電影水準太差，我覺得沒有必要與現階段的從業人員打交道。此外，我並沒有拍攝商業電影的興趣，只不過想徹底瞭解電影的全部製作技術，以便作為日後表達思想的工具。 莊靈比較務實，他認為年輕的一代頗有理想與魄力，應該大有前途。我們便邀了幾位國立藝專影劇科的朋友，如李至善、邱剛健，以及師大美術系的黃華成等，成立了一個電影研究社，籌辦劇場雜誌，並請了藝專的戲劇學教授姚一葦為顧問。 成立的第一天，姚教授請我們去他家聊天，結果我竟被姚教授趕出門來。那時電影院正在上演一部英國的新潮影片，名為一夕風流恨事多。這算是一部夠水準的作品，姚教授則一口認定這是一部空前絕後、電影史上的里程碑。由於我早已養成了分鏡頭的習慣，看完電影就已把場景分得清清楚楚，於是歷歷指出片中的矛盾和草率之處。姚教授不由分說，認為我對他失敬，於是下了逐客令。 假如姚教授就代表著電影界的新希望，那麼我寧願與這種新希望保持距離。任何一個學術性權威的建立，絕非只是因為他年高位重。不錯，藝術免不了主觀的成份，可是，我們的目的是研究電影。要瞭解一部電影的主題、技術和所達到的境界，就應以客觀的態度來分析探討。以堂堂一個國家唯一的一所電影藝術學府，其教授如此，我不覺得未來還有什麼希望。 我立刻向莊靈表示要退出，因為我不相信這樣做下去會有什麼效果。莊靈則責備我不顧大體，哪有一個組織在成立的第一天，發起人就要退出？ 他是對的，但是姚教授不能原諒我，對我不理不睬，會務如何推動呢？ 我考慮再三，難道電影技術一定要在國內學嗎？我的主要目標在於人生的體驗，有了足夠的體驗，才能寫出好的劇本。劇本是電影的靈魂，沒有靈魂，電影哪可能有生命？既然如此，我所學的對象應該是人，是社會，是宇宙中一切變化的原理、根本。如果只把眼光局限在一個小圈圈中，就算目前還有理想，過不了多久，在現實的壓力下，我只有一步一步的妥協、退讓，到最後，理想還會剩下多少？ 想來想去，當前的社會狀況令我感到窒息，各行各業都與我的想法格格不入。再混下去，不是我被同化，到最後麻木不仁，便是憤世嫉俗，瘋狂變態。 go abroad!Where are you going?美國是一般學子心目中的天堂，一方面我不喜歡湊熱鬧，另一方面我早就說過大話：不去美國，不讀英文！別人或許沒有放在心上，我自己卻忘不了。這時，有位同學告訴我，老師（大一的同學）去了巴西，巴西？Where?是個什麼樣子的國家？問來問去竟沒有人知道。就憑這一點，我決定去巴西。 我向父親提起要去巴西歷練一番，沒想到父親對巴西知之頗詳，也很贊成我出去闖闖，並問我有什麼計劃。我說打算先好好工作，存點錢，再托那位同學給我弄張農場的聘書，先去農場開墾再說。 過了幾天，父親對我說，去巴西的事已經安排好了，聘書不久就到，叫我先去學習葡萄牙文。我怎麼都想不到事情會如此順利，緣因在巴西有位東北籍的國大代表張振鷺，當年父親任職東北行轅政務委員時，兩人常相往還。 後來東北失守，張代表到南京開國民大會，在會中慷慨陳言，認為丟失東北是當時的行政長官陳誠的責任，所以呼籲先總統拿出斬馬稷的精神，殺陳誠以謝天下。大陸易色後，因陳誠在台，故張代表舉家遷居巴西。父親自從知道我想去巴西後，就用電報與之聯絡，並得到張代表的同意，代我辦理一應手續。 但是，去巴西的路費不是小數目，約值當時父親特任官全年的薪金。我知道父親素無積蓄，所以打算去賣苦力，自己賺取路費。想不到這也順利的解決了，那是光復大陸設計委員會中有位總務科長姚世惠，原為陳副總統的親信，因為父親沒有班底，陳副總統特派姚科長來會中服務。姚科長知道我要去巴西，也知道父親無力負擔旅費，便向陳副總統報告，因而得到美金一千元的資助。 這件事對我有很大的影響，使我深深感到個人與社會的因果相依，如果不是這些協助，我今天不知道會是什麼樣子。如果不是父親平素的為人，我也不可能沾到這些光。種瓜得瓜，種豆得豆，不必斤斤計較眼前的利益，只問自己的努力是否無愧於心。時機到了，就一定會有應得的收穫。 那時赴巴西必須到日本簽証，由旅行社代辦，費用是兩百五十元美金，坐貨船去巴西則要五百五十元美金，在日本還要等上一個多月。為了省些錢，姚科長特別給我介紹了一位旅日華僑趙先生，他在東京的銀座、池袋、新宿等地經營了好幾家咖啡店。姚科長要我到日本就住在他的店中，多多少少也有個照應。 我是在一九六三年八月離開台北的，父親率家人到機場送我，看他老態龍鐘的樣子，我知道這次很可能是永別了。我沒有話可說，國家的災難，民族的痛苦，使我們的家庭得不到應有的歡樂。這又豈僅是我們家庭的悲哀？唯有寄托在我今後的努力上，只有找到了這個產生人間悲、歡、離、合的因果後，與人類共勉，得以免除諸種痛苦煩惱，那才能值回我們所付出的代價。 雖然我不知道未來要面對的是什麼，也不知道這個虛無飄渺的人間真相是否存在？更不知道在哪裡、如何去尋找？可是，我已經決定踏上這條有去無回的單行道。至於個人的榮辱、家庭的幸福，也只有硬著心腸，割捨在一旁了。 小妹也來了，擠在鐵柵後的人群中，哭得不成人形。What is she thinking?是後悔沒有答應我的求婚？或是珍惜這次永恒的離情？我不知道，也不敢想。我只知道，果真她開了口，希望我留下來，很可能這一生的一切都將改變了。 我伸過手去，輕輕觸摸著她的指尖，她沒有動，也沒有看我，只是淚珠像瀑布一般，由紅腫的眼簾中潺潺地湧出。我緊咬著牙，臉上撐著已嫌僵硬的強笑，話語哽在喉頭，只希望趕快聽到登機的廣播聲。 我努力地提醒自己，她一定非常瞭解，知道我不是一個家庭動物，所以沒有把我繫在牢籠中。感激不只是一句言語，必須用更大的努力來報答。在這麼多的祝福中，我終於沉重的踏上了茫茫的征程。