Chapter 9 chapter eight

one It snowed until the next day.Shifra.There was no heat in the apartment Pue lived in.The basement worker lay in his own room, drunk and unconscious.The boiler is broken and no one is going to fix it. Shifra.In heavy boots, huddled in a battered fur coat brought from Germany, with a woolen scarf wrapped around her head, she wandered about the room, cold and irritated, her face sallow.She put on her spectacles, and paced up and down, reading her prayer-book.She alternately prayed and cursed at the crooked landlords who kept their poor tenants frozen in the winter.Her lips were purple with cold.She read a verse aloud, then said: As if we hadn't suffered enough before we got here.Now we can count the United States.It's not much better than a concentration camp here.The Nazis almost walked in and beat us up.

Martha didn't go to work that day because she was going to a dinner party at Lamper Rabbi's house, and she scolded her mother.Mom, you should be ashamed!Back in Stukhov's day, if you had everything you have now, you'd be crazy happy. How much strength does a person have?There is at least one hope sustaining us there.I was freezing all over.Maybe you can buy a cupping jar.My blood is about to freeze. Where do you go to buy cupping pots in the US?We will move out from here later.We'll move as soon as spring arrives. I can't live to spring. Old hag, you'll outlive us all!Martha screamed impatiently.

The rabbi invited Hermann and Martha to a banquet this time, which drove Martha into a frenzy.At first she refused to go, arguing that the invitation might be Leon.Totshina's idea behind his back, what kind of tricks is he playing in his heart.Martha suspected that the rabbi's visit and the champagne she got drunk was Leon.Part of Totschner's plot to break her and Herman apart.Martha has always looked down on the rabbi, calling him an invertebrate, a braggart, and a hypocrite.After she divorced Leon, she branded him a lunatic, a liar, and a spy. Since the false pregnancy, Martha has been unable to sleep at night, even taking medicine to no avail.She finally fell asleep, and the nightmare would wake her up again.Her father appeared before her in his shroud, reciting passages from the Bible aloud in her ear.She saw monsters with curved horns and pointed noses.They have pouches, nipples, and bruises all over their bodies.They snarled and roared and drooled on her.She had painful periods every two weeks with many blood clots.Shifra.Puel urged her to see a doctor, but Martha said she didn't trust doctors and cursed them for poisoning patients.

Then Martha suddenly changed her mind and decided to go to the party.Why should she be afraid of Leon.What about Totschina?She had divorced him in accordance with Jewish regulations and legal procedures.If he greeted her, she could turn away from him; if he played tricks, she could spit in his face. Once again Hermann saw Martha go from one extreme to the other.She set about getting ready for the dinner with increasing vigor.She slammed open the closet door, opened the drawer of the dressing table, and pulled out pieces of clothing, blouses and leather shoes, most of which she brought from Germany.She decided to alter a dress.She sewed, unstitched seams, smoked cigarette after cigarette, and pulled out a pile of stockings and underwear.All the while, she kept talking about how men courted her before the war, during the war, after the war, in the concentration camps and in the offices of the local associations, and insisted on Shifra.Pue can testify.For a while she put down her sewing to find old letters and photographs as evidence.

Herman understood that what she longed for was to be successful at dinner parties, to overwhelm other women with her elegance and beauty.He had known from the beginning that despite her initial reluctance to go, she would eventually decide to go.Everything was bound to turn into drama when it came to Martha. The heater rustled unexpectedly and the boiler was repaired.The room is filled with moisture, Shivra.Pue complained that the drunk co-worker must be trying to set the building on fire.They would have to flee outside into the ice and snow.The air smelled of smoke and coal.Martha filled the tub with hot water.She was doing many things at once: getting ready for her bath, singing in Hebrew, Yiddish, Polish, Russian and German.She transformed an old dress into a new one with astonishing speed, finding a matching pair of high heels and a shawl that she had been given as a gift while she was in Germany.

In the evening, the snow had stopped, but it was cold.The streets of the East Bronx might become Moscow or Kuibyshev [note: a city in Novosibirsk, Russia. 】Winter streets. Shifra.Puel disapproved of the idea of ​​a dinner party, muttering that after the Holocaust Jews had no right to feast, but she checked Martha's attire and suggested improvements.Martha was so preoccupied with the dinner that her mother had prepared rice and milk for her and Hermann.The rabbi's wife had called Martha and told her how to get to West End Avenue, where they lived, across Seventy-Seventy-ninth Streets.Shifra.Pue insisted that Martha wear a sweater or a pair of warm underwear, but Martha wouldn't listen.Every few minutes, she took a sip of cognac from the bottle.

It was already nightfall when Hermann and Martha went out.A gust of cold wind hit Herman's shoulders and tore the hat off his head; he caught it in midair.Martha's dinner dress fluttered and puffed up like a balloon.She was about to move when one boot sank into the deep snow and her socked feet were wet.Her well-coiffed hair hat was only partly covered and white with snow, as if she had aged all of a sudden.She held the hat with one hand and the hem of the dress with the other.She shouted something to Hermann, but the wind blew her voice away. The walk to the elevated railway, which usually takes only a few minutes, is now a major event.When they finally reached the station, a train happened to leave.The teller, sitting warming himself in a hut, told them that the tracks were covered with snow, that the trains were stuck, and that there was no word as to when the next train would arrive.Martha was shivering with cold, and she skipped and danced to warm her feet.Her face was as pale as a sick man's.

Fifteen minutes passed and the train still hadn't arrived.There was already a large crowd of people waiting for the bus: men in galoshes and galoshes, carrying lunch boxes; women in thick coats and turbans.Each face seemed to express dullness, greed, and worry in its own way.The low forehead, frightened eyes, large bulbous nostrils, square jaw, full breasts, and wide hips refuted all utopian fantasies.The cauldron of evolution is still boiling.Here, a scream can start a riot.With just the right incitement, this group can become a mass murderous mob. A whistle sounded and the train rushed onto the platform.The carriage was half empty.The car windows turned white from icing.It was very cold inside the carriage, and the ground was covered with snow, dirty newspapers and chewing gum.What could be more disgusting than this train?Herman thought.Everything here is gloomy as if by design.A drunk begins a speech, babbling about Hitler and the Jews.Martha took a small mirror out of her handbag, and stared intently at her own face in the misty mirror.She wets her fingertips and tries to straighten her hair, which will be blown tousled by the time they get out of the car.

All the while the train was on the ground, Herman was looking out through a small pane of glass which he had wiped off moisture.Newspapers fluttered in the wind.A grocer sprinkles salt on the sidewalk next to his store.A car is trying to climb out of a pothole, but the wheels are spinning uselessly in place.Herman suddenly remembered that he wanted to be a good Jew and behave according to the rules of "Shulkan︱Aluq" and "Jamala".How many times has he made such a determination!How many times did he recall spitting on worldly desires, but every time he couldn't resist the temptation and gave up.However, he was on his way to a banquet right now.Half of his countrymen were tortured and killed; the other half were feasting.He was full of pity for Martha.She looked thin, pale, and sickly.

It was late when Martha and Hermann got off the train and came out into the street.A gust of wind blows from the frozen Hudson River.Martha held Hermann tightly.He had to bend his body against the strong wind with all his strength, so as not to be blown backwards.His eyelids were covered with snowflakes.Martha gasped and shouted something to him.His hat tried to free his head.The wind blew the back of his clothes and trousers against his thighs.It was a miracle that they could recognize the house number of the rabbi's house.He and Martha ran out of breath into the hall.The hall was quiet and warm.Pictures in gold frames hung on the walls; carpets covered the floor; chandeliers cast soft light; sofas and easy chairs awaited guests.

Martha went to a mirror to repair the damage to her dress and grooming.If I don't die this time, I won't die again, she said. two She curled the last curl and headed for the elevator.Hermann adjusted his tie.He felt the collar loosen around his neck.A full-length mirror revealed flaws in his figure and clothing.He was hunched over and looked haggard.He had lost so much weight that both the coat and the suit seemed too big.The man driving the elevator hesitated for a moment before opening the elevator door.When he stopped on the rabbi's floor, he watched Herman suspiciously ring the bell. No one answered the door.Hermann could hear the uproar, the conversation, the rabbi's loud voice.A moment later, a black maid in a white apron and hat opened the door.The rabbi's wife stands behind her.She was a tall, statuesque woman, taller than her husband.She has curly blond hair, a snub nose, and wears a gold dress.She wears a lot of jewelry.Everything about this woman is bony, pointy, long, gentile.She looked down at Hermann and Martha, her eyes sparkling. Suddenly the rabbi came. Here they come!he yelled.He stretched out his hands, one to Hermann and the other to Martha, and kissed Martha at the same time. She is such a beauty!he shouted.He's got the most beautiful woman in America.Erin, come and see! Give me your coat.It's cold, isn't it?I'm worried that you may not be able to come.My husband has told me many things about you.I'm so lucky The rabbi put Martha and Hermann on his arm and led them into the living room.He pushed his way through the crowd, introducing them as he walked.Through the smoke, Herman saw clean-shaven men with tiny caps on their bushy hair; others without caps, with goatees or whiskers.The colors of women's hair are as varied as their clothes.He heard English, Hebrew, German, and even French.The room smelled of perfume, alcohol, and chopped liver. A valet in charge of food and drinks went up to the newcomers and asked them what they would like to drink.The rabbi leaves Hermann and takes Martha to the bar.He put his hands on Martha's waist and led her as if they were dancing.Hermann wished he could sit somewhere, but he couldn't find an empty one.A maid handed him a mixed platter of fish, cold meats, eggs and crackers.He tried poking half of the egg with a toothpick, but the egg slid off.The noise of the people was deafening his ears.A woman laughed shrilly. Hermann never attended an American dinner party.He had expected that the guests would all be invited to their seats and that the dinner would be served.But here there was neither room to sit nor food to be served.Someone spoke to him in English, but there was so much noise that he couldn't make out what the person was saying.Where the hell is Martha?She seemed to be overwhelmed by the crowd.He stood in front of a painting and looked at it carefully, for no particular reason. He entered a room furnished with several armchairs and couches, and lined with books on all four walls, from floor to ceiling.There was a group of men and women sitting around with glasses of wine in their hands.There was an empty chair in the corner, and Hermann sat down on it.The group was talking about a professor who had accepted a five thousand dollar bonus to write a book.They were mocking him and his work.Herman hears about universities, foundations, scholarships, grants, publications on Jewish culture, socialism, history and psychology, and more.What kind of women are these?Why are they so well informed?Herman thought to himself.He twitched at his shabby appearance, worried that they might pull him in for a chat.I don't belong here.I should still always be a student of the Talmud.He moved the chair away from the group. Looking for something to do, he took out a copy of Plato's Dialogues from the bookcase.He turned to the Phaedo and read these words: Those who sincerely care about philosophy are really only studying how to die and how to kill people, which sounds impossible.He turned back a few pages to the Apology, and his eyes fell on these lines: For I think it is against the law of nature that a better man should be hurt by a worse man.Is that so?The Nazis killed millions of Jews. Is this against the laws of nature? A servant came to the door and announced something that Hermann did not catch.Everyone stood up and left the room.Hermann was left alone.He was imagining that the Nazis were in New York City, but someone maybe this rabbi had boarded him up in this library.His food was brought in through a hole in the wall. A familiar face appeared at the door.He was a small man in evening dress; his smiling eyes expressed recognition and mockery.Who am I seeing?He spoke in Yiddish.Ah, it's really like they say, it's a small world. Hermann stood up. You don't know me anymore? Here I get confused, so Pescheles!Nordson.Pescheles!I visited your apartment a few weeks ago oh yes. Why are you sitting here alone?Are you here to study?I didn't know you knew Lampert Rabbi.But who doesn't know him?why don't you go get something to eatThey serve food in another room, self-service.Get it yourself at the table.where is your wife Where is she here?I can't find her. As soon as Hermann said these words, he realized that Pescheles was not talking about Martha but Jadwija.The catastrophe that Hermann had been dreading all along had come.Pecheles took his arm. Let's go and find her together.My wife is not here tonight.She has the flu.Some women get sick when they have to go somewhere. Pescheles led Herman into the living room.The crowd stood there with plates in hand, eating and chatting.Some people sat on the window sills, some sat on the radiators, and people sat wherever they could sit.Pescheles dragged Herman towards the restaurant.A large crowd was crowded around a long table with various foods on top, and Hermann saw Martha.She was with a short man who had her arm.He had evidently said something very amusing to her, for Martha clapped her hands and laughed.As soon as she saw Hermann, she threw her arms out and ran to him.Her companions followed.Martha's face was flushed, and her eyes sparkled with excitement. My long-lost husband is here!she said aloud.She flung her arms round Hermann's neck and kissed him as if he had just returned from a journey.Her breath smelled acridly of alcohol. This is my husband; this is Yasha.Kotick, Martha said, pointing to the man she was talking to.He was wearing a European-style evening dress with frayed lapels and a wide ribbon trimming the sides of his trousers.His hair was parted, his jet-black hair was well pomaded and glossy, and he had an aquiline nose with a sunken chin.His youthful form contrasted oddly with his wrinkled forehead and mouth; he smiled with a full mouthful of false teeth.There was something mocking and shrewd in his gaze, smile, and manner.He stood there with his arms bent, as if waiting to accompany Martha away again.He pursed his lips, deepening the lines on his face. So this is your husband?he asked, raising an eyebrow comically. Herman, Yasha.Kotick is the actor I told you about.We were in concentration camps together.I never knew he was in New York. Someone told me she went to Palestine, Yasha.Kotick said to Herman, I thought she was somewhere near the Wailing Wall or Rachel's tomb.I looked around as she stood drinking whiskey in Lampert Rabbie's living room.Ha, this is your America, Mad Columbus! He gestured for a pistol with his thumb and forefinger, making a shooting pose.Every part of his body moved as sensitively as a juggler.His face was also constantly moving, grimacing and imitating others at the same time.He lifted one eye in feigned surprise; the other drooped as if crying.His nostrils flared.Hermann had heard Martha tell a great deal about him.It is said that he amused the Nazis by telling jokes while digging his own grave, so they let him go.His gags also served him well in his dealings with the Bolsheviks.Because he can talk humorously and perform funny comedy actions at the critical moment of life and death, he has survived countless dangers.Martha had shown off to Hermann that Yasha loved her, but she had rejected him. That is to say, you are the husband and she is the wife?Yasha said to Hermann, how did you get her?I've been looking for her halfway around the world, and you just married her.Who gave you power?This is, excuse me, full imperialism You're still a clown, Martha said, I think I heard you were in Argentina. I have lived in Argentina.Where have I not been?Thanks to the plane.You sit down, drink a quick glass of schnapps, and haven't snored and dreamed of Cleopatra.She was Alexander the Great's own sister and played a pivotal role in the Successor Wars. 】, has come to South America.Pentecost here and people swimming at Coney Island; Pentecost there and you're shivering in a heated apartment.How can you tell how good Pentecost cheese tastes when it's freezing outside?You're melting in the heat at Giving Day and everyone goes to La Plata [Note: Located in Charles County, Maryland, USA. 】enjoy the cool air.But as soon as you enter the casino and lose a few pesos, it's hot again.What did you see in him when you married him?Ya Xia.Kotick told Martha, shrugging his shoulders dramatically to emphasize his question.Like, what does he have that I don't?I would like to know. He's a serious man, and you're a nasty fellow, Martha replied. you know what you have hereYa Xia.Kotick pointed to Martha and said to Herman that she was more than just a woman.She's an instigator, and I'm not sure if she's from heaven or hell.Her wisdom was an inspiration to all of us back then.Thank you.How is Fever?Yasha turned to Martha and asked: I think you left with him with him?What nonsense are you talking about!Are you drunk, or are you trying to create trouble between me and my husband?I don't know Mo Xie at all.Besides, I don't want to know about Feifer.If you say that, others may think that he is my lover.He has a wife, everyone knows that.If they were alive, they must be living together. Well, I didn't say anything.You don't have to be jealous at all, what's your name, sir?Broad?Just call Broad.During war, we are not human.The Nazis made soap out of us, kosher soap.If it was my turn, I would cross those days off the calendar. He was as drunk as Lot, Martha murmured. three While the men were talking, Pescheles stood a step behind them.He raised his eyebrows in astonishment, waiting patiently for the player who knew he had an ace in his hand.A smile froze on his lipless mouth.In the panic, Hermann, who had forgotten him, turned to him.Martha, this is Mr. Pescheles. Pescheles?I seem to have come across a Pescheles.In Russia or in Poland, I can't remember where now, Masha said. There are not many people in my old home.There may have been a grandmother named Pesche or Pescheles.i saw herman in coney island, i didn't know in brooklyn Pecheles uttered the last few words casually, and giggled.Martha looked at Hermann suspiciously.Ya Xia.Kotick scratched his scalp playfully with his thumbnail. Coney Island?I performed there, or tried it, what was the place called?Oh yes, Brighton.The whole theater was full of old women.Where did they get so many old women in America?Not only are they deaf, but they have forgotten Yiddish.How can you be a comedian if the audience can't hear what you're saying, and if they can't understand what you're saying?The manager, or whatever he called it, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.Being successful in a nursing home is amazing!You know, I've been in the Yiddish theater business for forty years.I started acting when I was eleven.They wouldn't let me act in Warsaw, so I went to Lodz, Vilna, Eichshok.I also performed in the ghetto.Even a starving audience is better than a deaf audience.When I got to New York, the Screen Actors Guild asked me to audition for my lines.They wanted me to play Kney︱Lemmel, and the experts in the association watched the show and played cards.I didn't succeed in pronunciation and language.Anyway, I met a guy who opened a Romanian restaurant in his basement.He called it what it was: a nightclub with cabaret.The Jews who were ex-truck drivers visited there with their non-Jewish girls.The men were all over seventy.They both have wives and grandchildren who are already professors.The women wore luxurious mink coats, Yaxia.Kotick had to make them laugh.My specialty is broken English with Yiddish words inserted in between.This is what I got by escaping the gas chambers and refusing to lie down and die for Comrade Stalin in Kazakhstan.I was unlucky, I got arthritis when I came to America, and my heart was not right.What do you do, Pescheles?Are you in business? What does it matter?I took nothing from you. take away! Mr. Pescheles was in real estate, Herman said. Maybe you can rent me a room?Ya Xia.Kotick said, I can write a pledge never to eat a brick. Why are we standing here?Martha interrupted, Let's go get something to eat.Seriously, Yashar, you haven't changed at all.Still out of date. You can become beautiful. How long have you two been married?Pescheles asked Martha. Martha frowned.It's been a long time since I started thinking about divorce. Where do you live?Also in Coney Island? Why keep talking about Coney Island?What's up with Coney Island?Martha asked suspiciously. Well, here it comes!Hermann said to himself.He was surprised that the disaster he expected was far more serious than it actually was.He is still standing.He didn't lose consciousness.Ya Xia.Kotick closed one eye and moved his nose.Pecheles took a step forward. I haven't finished talking yet, what should I call you, madam?I've been to Mr. Broad's house in Coney Island.on which streetBetween Mermaid Avenue and Poseidon Avenue?I thought the woman who converted to Judaism was his wife.As a result, he has a small and beautiful wife here.I tell you, these newcomers know how to live.Take us Americans for example, when you get married, whether you like it or not, you have to live like that, otherwise you have to get a divorce, pay alimony, and if you don't pay, then you go to jail.What about the other petite and beautiful woman?Tamara?Tamara.Broad?I also have her name in my notebook. Who is this Tamara?Your dead wife's name was Tamara, was that her?asked Martha. My dead wife was in America, replied Herman.His knees shook as he spoke, and he felt sick to his stomach.He asked himself if he would pass out. Martha's face brightened.Has your wife risen from the dead? seems like it. Was she the one you visited at her uncle's house on East Broadway last time? Yes. You told me she was ugly and old. That's what men say about their wives, Yasha.Kotick said, laughing.He sticks out his tongue and rolls one eyeball.Pecheles stroked his chin. I don't even know who is confused now, is it me or someone else?He turned to Hermann.I went to see Mrs. Skirreher on Coney Island, and she told me that a woman who lived upstairs had converted to Judaism, and that you were her husband.She said you were a writer, a rabbi, whatever you were, and that you sold books.I have a preference for literature, whether it's Yiddish, Hebrew, or Turkish.She said this and that, and praised you to the sky; since I have a collection of books, I collected some bits and pieces.I thought I might buy something from you.Okay, who is Tamara? Mr. Pescheles, I don't understand what you want or why you want to meddle in other people's affairs, Herman said, if you think something is wrong, why don't you call the police? While Herman was speaking, a fiery red halo appeared in front of his eyes.The circles of light moved slowly back and forth across his line of sight.He remembered it had been happening since childhood.These halos seem to lurk behind the eyes, only to come out at a critical moment.One aperture moved to one side, but floated back.Herman wasn't sure if a man could stand after a blackout. What police?What are you talking about?I'm not God's Cossack, as they say.I do think you can have lots and lots of women.You don't live in my circle.I thought I might be able to help you.You, but a refugee, and a Polish pagan turned Jew should not be taken lightly.They told me you run around selling encyclopedias.A few days after I saw you, I happened to visit a woman in the hospital who was undergoing surgery for gynecological diseases.She is the daughter of an old friend of mine.I went into the ward and saw your Tamara, they share the same ward.She removed a bullet from her hip.New York is a very big city, a whole world, but it is also a small country.She told me she was your wife maybe she said it while drunk. Just as Herman opened his mouth to answer, the rabbi cut in.His face was shining because of the alcohol. I've been looking for them everywhere, and here they are, he cried. You all know each other?My friend Northon.Pescheles knew everyone, and everyone knew him.Martha, you were the prettiest beauty at the dinner party!I never knew there were such beautiful women left in Europe.There is also Yasha here.Kotick! I knew Martha before you, Yasha.Kotick said. Well, my friend Herman hid her from me. He's hiding more than one person, Pescheles hinted. you think so?You must know him well.He was with me, and he always acted like a innocent lamb.i was thinking he was a eunuch I wish I was such a eunuch, Pescheles interrupted. You can't hide it from Mr. Pescheles, the rabbi laughed.He has detectives everywhere.what do you knowLet me also hear the inside story. I don't reveal other people's secrets. go eat something.to the restaurant.Let's stand in line with everyone. Sorry, Rabbi, I'm going back soon, Herman said suddenly. where are you going I'm going back right away. Hermann walked away quickly, and Martha hurried after him.They had to squeeze their way through the crowd. don't follow me.I'm going back right away, Herman insisted. Who is this Pescheles?Who is Tamara?Martha tugged at Hermann's sleeve. I beg you, let me go! Give me a straight answer! I'm going to vomit. He broke free from Martha's hand and ran to find a bathroom.He bumped into others and they pushed him away.A woman yelled at him because he stepped on her corn.He went out into the hallway, and through the smoky air he saw a row of numbered doors, but he didn't know which door led to the bathroom.His head spun.The floor beneath him shook like a boat.A door opened and a man came out of a bathroom.Herman rushed in and bumped into another person who came out, who cursed him a few times. He ran to the toilet, opened his mouth and vomited.His ears buzzed, and his temple felt like a hammer beating.His stomach convulsed, belching something sour and bitter and a stench he no longer remembered existed.Every time he thought his stomach was empty, he wiped his mouth with paper, but another cramp followed.He groaned, retched, and bent lower and lower.He threw up one last time and stood up, exhausted.Someone was banging on the door, trying to force it open.He had stained the tile floor and splashed dirt on the walls and he had to wipe them clean.He looked in the mirror and saw himself pale.He took a towel from the rack and wiped the lapel of his coat.He tried to open the window to let the stench out, but he was too weak to open the window.With one last effort, he finally opened the window.Hardened snow and icicles hung from the window frames.Herman took a deep breath, and the fresh air refreshed him.Again he heard someone banging on the door, the doorknob rattling.He opened the door and Martha stood outside. You want to break the door open? Shall I call the doctor? No, we have to go. You made such a mess. Masha took a handkerchief out of her handbag.While wiping it for him, she asked: How many wives do you have?three? ten. May God disgrace you as you have disgraced me. I'm going back, Hermann said. Go, go to your country people, not to me, replied Martha.We broke up. If you break up, you will break up. Masha turned and went back into the living room, and Hermann looked for his overcoat, hat and overshoes, but he did not know where to find them.These things were taken from him by the rabbi's wife, but she is not here now.The maid was gone too.He was milling about in the crowd in the foyer.He asked a man where his coat hung, and the man just shrugged.Hermann went into the study and sank into an armchair.There was a half glass of whiskey and a leftover sandwich on the coffee table.Hermann ate the loaf and the pungent cheese, and drank the rest of the whiskey; he felt the room spinning like a merry-go-round.A web of dots and lines dangled in front of his eyes, and when he pressed the lids with his fingertips he sometimes saw vivid colors.Everything seemed to flicker, vibrate, and change shape.People poked their heads around the door, but Hermann didn't really see them.Their faces dangled vaguely around.Someone spoke to him, but Hermann felt as if his ears were full of water.He was tossed on a stormy sea.It was strange that there was some kind of order in the chaos, and the shapes he saw were all geometric, albeit distorted.Colors change in an instant.He recognized Martha when she came in.She walked up to him with a glass of wine in her hand and said: Are you still here? He heard Martha's voice as if from afar, and was amazed at the change in hearing and at his indifference to himself.Martha pulled a chair and sat down, her knees almost touching his. Who is this Tamara? My wife is still alive and she is in America. We broke up, but I think you should tell me the truth one last time. This is a fact. Who is Pescheles? I have no idea. Lampert Rabbie offered me a job as a caretaker in a nursing home for seventy-five dollars a week. What about your mother? A place to live was also arranged for her there. Hermann understood exactly what all this meant, but it didn't matter anymore.Herman seems to have tasted the taste of the separation of limbs, the Hasidic description of reaching the state of selflessness.If only I could always be like this!he thought. Martha waited, and then she said: You want this to happen.This is all planned by you.我要把自己和那些老年人和病人關在一起。既然猶太婦女沒有修道院，那裡就是我的修道院直到我母親去世。這事完了以後，我就了結整個喜劇。要我給你拿點什麼嗎？你生來就是個騙子，這也不能怪你。 瑪莎走了，赫爾曼把頭靠在椅背上。他唯一的願望就是能在什麼地方躺下。他聽到說話聲、笑聲、腳步聲和杯盤的叮噹聲。他腦子裡模模糊糊的感覺漸漸地減弱了，房間不轉了；椅子又立在結實的地面上了。他的精神也重新振作起來了。他只覺得兩腿發軟，嘴裡有一股苦味。他甚至還覺得有點兒餓了。 赫爾曼想起了佩謝萊斯和雅夏．科蒂克。事情是明擺著的，他即使能熬過這次折磨，他也不能再替蘭珀特拉比工作了。在所有的混亂中，有一個計劃是由掌握風流韻事的神靈安排的。顯然，拉比是想把瑪莎從他身邊拉走。對一個對這項工作從來沒有受過專業訓練又沒有經驗的女人，他根本不會每週付七十五美元。他也不會另外再花七十五美元，如果不是更多的話，照顧瑪莎的母親。 赫爾曼突然想起雅夏．科蒂克說到的莫謝．費費爾。這個晚宴徹底打碎了他留戀瑪莎的幻想。他等了很長時間，可是瑪莎沒有回來。Who knows?她可能去叫警察了，他幻想著。他想像著他們怎麼來到這兒，怎麼逮捕他，怎麼把他送往埃利斯島【註：位於美國紐約州紐約港內的一個島嶼。一八九二︱一九五四年期間是移民管理局的所在地。 】，然後把他遣送回波蘭。 佩謝萊斯先生站在他面前。他注視著赫爾曼，歪著腦袋，用嘲弄的口吻說：啊，你原來在這兒！他們在找你。 誰在找我？ 拉比和他妻子。你的瑪莎是個美人兒。有股勁兒。你在哪兒弄到她們的？請你原諒，我覺得你看起來倒很平常。 Hermann didn't answer. 你是怎麼辦成的？我很想知道。 佩謝萊斯先生，你不必羨慕我。 幹嘛不？在布魯克林，一個非猶太女人為了你皈依了猶太教。在這兒，你有一個如花似玉的美人。而塔瑪拉也是不可輕視的。我並無惡意，不過我把那位為你皈依猶太教的非猶太女人的事告訴了蘭珀特拉比，這下他可完全搞糊塗了。他對我說你在為他寫一本書。那個雅夏．科蒂克是誰？我一點也不知道他。 I don't know either. 他好像跟你妻子相當友好。這是個奇特的世界，是嗎？你活得越久，見得也越多。可是，在美國這兒你需要小心一點。多年來平安無事，可一下子闖禍了。曾經有過一個詐騙犯，他都結交些上層人物：州長啦，參議員啦就是這麼回事。突然有人開始找他麻煩，現在他蹲在監獄裡，不久就要給送回義大利去，他是從那兒來的。我不是在作比較，但願這樣的事別發生，但是對山姆大叔來說，法律就是法律。我奉勸你，至少別讓她們住在同一個州裡。塔瑪拉是個受盡苦難的女人。我原想給她介紹個對象，可她告訴我她是跟你結過婚的。當然這是個祕密，我絕不會告訴任何人。 我當時不知道她還活著。 但是她告訴我，她從歐洲給同鄉會或猶太人移民援助協會，寄來一份通知，刊登在這兒的報紙上。也許你是不看報的？ 你或許知道我的大衣在哪兒？赫爾曼說，我想走了，可我找不到大衣。 Yeah?這些女人你都能找到，自己的大衣倒找不到？我敢說你是個相當不錯的演員。別擔心，沒有人會偷你的大衣。我估計大衣都在臥室內。在紐約不管誰家舉行宴會，都不可能有那麼多衣櫥掛大衣。可是，幹嘛那麼急呢？不跟妻子一起走，你當然不會離開的。聽說我們的拉比剛才答應給她安排個工作。Do you smoke? 有時抽。 來，抽一支。讓神經鬆弛一下。佩謝萊斯先生拿出一個金菸盒，打火機也是金的。香菸是進口的，比美國香菸短，有金色的濾嘴。噯，你幹嘛對將來憂心忡忡呢？他說，誰也不知道明天將會帶來什麼。不管是誰，他今天能拿的不拿，就什麼也沒有。歐洲的財富結果變成什麼？一堆灰燼。佩謝萊斯吸了一口菸，噴出一個個煙圈。他的臉一下子老了，神情憂鬱。他看起來好像在思索某種得不到安慰的內心創傷。 我還是到那邊去看看外面有什麼事，他說著用手指指門。 Four 屋裡只剩下赫爾曼一個人，他坐著，腦袋低垂。他剛才注意到他坐椅旁邊的書架上有一本《聖經》，他探過身子，把它取了出來。他一頁頁翻過去，翻到《詩篇》：耶和華阿，求你憐恤我，因為我在急難之中，我的眼睛因憂愁而乾癟，連我的身心也不安舒。我的生命為愁苦所消耗，我的年歲為嘆息所曠廢，我的力量因我的罪孽衰敗，我的骨頭也枯乾。我因一切敵人成了羞辱，在我的鄰舍跟前更甚，那認識我的都懼怕我，在外頭看見我的都躲避我。 赫爾曼唸著字句。這裡的句子怎麼對各種情況、各種年紀和各種情緒都適用呢？而宗教的文學作品，不管寫得多麼精采，總有一天會不適用。 瑪莎踉踉蹌蹌地走進來，顯然她喝醉了。她一手拿著盤子，一手拿著一杯威士忌。她的臉色慘白，可她的雙眼流露出嘲弄的神色。她搖搖晃晃地把盤子放在赫爾曼坐的椅子扶手上。 What are you doing?she asked.讀《聖經》？你這卑鄙的偽君子！ 瑪莎，坐下吧。 你怎麼知道我想坐下？也許我是想躺下呢。我還想要坐在你腿上呢。 不，瑪莎，在這兒可不能這樣。 幹嘛不能？我知道他是拉比，可是他的公寓並不是聖殿。在戰爭年代，即使是聖殿也阻止不了任何人。他們把猶太婦女趕進聖殿，然後 那是納粹幹的。 納粹是什麼？他們也是男人。他們想幹的事，你、雅夏．科蒂克，甚至拉比也想幹。也許你會幹出一模一樣的事來。他們在德國跟許多納粹婦女睡覺。他們用一包美國菸、或是一塊巧克力收買她們。你應該見過那些統治民族的女孩子是怎麼跟猶太人居住區的小夥子們一起上床、是怎麼擁抱他們、吻他們的。其中有些甚至跟他們結了婚。所以嘛，幹嘛總要提納粹呢？我們都是納粹。全人類都是！你不僅是個納粹，還是個懦夫，連自己的影子都害怕。 瑪莎想笑，但立即又變得嚴肅起來。我喝得太多了。那兒有一瓶威士忌，我不停地倒來喝。走，去吃點東西，如果你不想餓死的話。瑪莎一屁股坐進一把椅子裡。她從手提包裡拿出一包菸，但是她找不到火柴。你幹嘛那麼看著我？我不會跟拉比睡覺的。 當時你和雅夏．科蒂克是怎麼回事？ 我的蚤子跟他的蚤子睡覺。誰是塔瑪拉？告訴我，就這一回。 我妻子還活著，我一直想告訴你。 這是真的還是你又在耍弄我？ it is true. 可是他們向她開過槍。 她活著。 孩子們也活著？ 沒有，孩子們死了。 嗯，這樣慘的事情連瑪莎都受不了。你那個非猶太姑娘知道她活著嗎？ 塔瑪拉來看過我們。 這跟我的情況一模一樣。我以為到了美國就會跳出汙泥，可是我好像陷入了最深的泥塘。這可能是我最後一次跟你談話，我要告訴你，你是我有生以來認識的最壞的騙子。相信我，我認識了許多下流坯。你那復活的妻子在哪兒？我想見見她，至少看她一眼。 她住在一間帶家具出租的房子裡。 把她的地址和電話號碼告訴我。 what?好吧，我會給你的，不過現在我的通訊簿沒帶在身邊。 如果你聽到我死了，別來參加我的葬禮。 five 赫爾曼走到外面，感到天氣冷得難受，他內心有什麼東西開始哈哈大笑有時伴隨著萬分悲痛的笑聲。透骨的寒風呼嘯著從哈德遜河上吹來。剎時間寒氣穿透了赫爾曼全身。現在是凌晨一點鐘。他沒有力氣長途跋涉回到康尼島去。他靠在門上不敢挪動一步。要是他有錢到旅館去租一間房間，那該有多好。可是他口袋裡的錢還不滿三元，也許除了鮑厄里街上的旅館，其他沒有哪一家旅館的房間租費是三元。他是否該回去向拉比借點兒錢？樓上那些有小汽車的客人肯定會送瑪莎回家的。不，我情願死！他喃喃自語。他開始朝百老匯走去。百老匯那兒風小了一些。寒氣也不像在西區大道那麼刺骨，燈光也比較亮。雪已經不下了，不過，偶爾從空中或是屋頂上飄下一片雪花。赫爾曼看到一家自助餐廳。他急急忙忙穿過馬路，一輛計程車差一點把他撞倒。司機衝著他大聲嚷嚷。赫爾曼搖搖頭，揮揮手，表示歉意。 他磕磕絆絆地走進自助餐廳，渾身都快凍僵了，連氣也透不過來。屋裡又亮又暖和，已經在供應早餐。到處是碟子的叮噹聲。人們正在讀晨報、吃著法式烤麵包、奶油燕麥粥、牛奶麥片粥和香腸蛋奶餅。光是食物的香味就使他感到昏昏沉沉。他找到一張靠牆的桌子，掛好衣帽。他發覺自己沒有拿牌子，回到出納員那兒說明。 行了，我看見你進來的，出納員說，你看起來全身都凍僵了。 赫爾曼去食品櫃那兒要了燕麥粥、雞蛋、一個捲餅和咖啡。這一頓花去五十五美分。當他端著盤子回到桌旁的時候，他的雙腿顫抖著，幾乎支撐不住自己的身體。不過一開始吃東西，他的勁兒又來了。咖啡的香味使人陶醉。眼下他只有一個願望自助餐廳最好通宵營業。 一個波多黎各人侍者走到桌邊收盤子。赫爾曼問他餐廳什麼時候關門，侍者回答：兩點。 不到一個小時，他又得到外面寒冷的雪地中去。他不得不計劃一下，終於做出個決定。他的對面有一間公用電話間。也許塔瑪拉還沒睡。現在她是唯一沒跟他吵翻的人。 他走進公用電話間，塞進一枚硬幣，然後撥了塔瑪拉的電話號碼。一個女人接的電話，她去叫塔瑪拉。不到一分鐘，他聽到了塔瑪拉的聲音。 我希望我沒吵醒你，我是赫爾曼。 噢，赫爾曼。 你睡著了嗎？ 沒有，我在看報。 塔瑪拉，我在百老匯一家自助餐廳裡。他們兩點就要關門。我沒地方去。 塔瑪拉猶豫了一下。你的妻子們在哪裡？ 她倆都不睬我了。 這個時候你在百老匯幹什麼？ 我剛才去參加拉比舉行的晚宴。 I see.你願意到這兒來嗎？天氣冷得夠嗆。我把毛衣袖子蓋在腿上。屋裡有一股風呼呼吹過，好像窗戶上沒裝玻璃似的。你的妻子們幹嘛要和你吵架？還有，你幹嘛不馬上就來？我正想著明天要打電話給你。有些事我一定得跟你談談。唯一的麻煩是外面的大門讓他們鎖上了。你就是按兩個小時門鈴，看門人也不會來開門的。你什麼時候到這兒？我自己下來給你開門。 塔瑪拉，這麼打擾你，我感到慚愧。我實在沒地方去睡覺，又沒錢去旅館租一間房間。 噢，她一懷孕，就反對你了嗎？ 她一直受各方面的播弄。我不想責怪你，可你幹嘛要把咱們的事告訴佩謝萊斯呢？ 塔瑪拉嘆了口氣。他來到醫院，問了我成千個問題。我到現在都想不出他是怎麼到那兒去的。他挨著我的床坐著，像個檢察官似的盤問我。他還想給我介紹結婚對象。事情發生在我動手術後不久。這都是些什麼樣的人？ 我已經走投無路，一切都沒有希望了，赫爾曼說，我最好還是回康尼島去。 現在回去？你要花整夜時間才能到那兒。算了，赫爾曼，到我這兒來吧。我睡不著。反正我總是整宵不睡的。 塔瑪拉正想說別的什麼事，接線員插了進來，要赫爾曼再付一枚硬幣，可他沒有。他告訴塔瑪拉他盡快趕到她那兒去，說完就掛斷了電話。他離開自助餐廳，朝在第七十九街的地鐵車站走去。空蕩蕩的百老匯大街在他面前伸展出去。街燈明亮，不知怎麼具有一種冬天的節日氣氛，優雅而神祕。赫爾曼走下臺階來到車站，他在等一列慢車。站臺上還有一個黑人。儘管天氣冷得結冰，他沒有穿大衣。赫爾曼等了十五分鐘，火車仍然沒來，也沒有別人來。燈光炫目地照著。像麵粉一樣細的雪通過天花板的鐵柵欄紛紛飄下來。 現在他後悔打電話給塔瑪拉。可能回康尼島去比較聰明。至少他可以暖暖和和地睡上幾個小時那就是說，如果雅德維珈不跟他爭吵的話。他知道，為了能聽到門鈴聲，塔瑪拉只得穿上衣服等在冰冷的入口處。 鐵軌開始震動，一列火車隆隆地進站了。車廂裡只坐著幾個人：一個醉鬼咕咕噥噥，扮著鬼臉；一個男人拿著一把掃帚和鐵道工人用的裝信號燈的盒子。一個工人帶著一個金屬飯盒和一個木板頭。他們的鞋上全是稀髒的泥漿，他們的鼻子凍得又紅又亮，他們的指甲很髒而且長短不齊。對這些把黑夜當作白天的人來說，空氣中有一種特別的不平靜的氣氛。赫爾曼想像，車壁、燈光、窗玻璃、廣告都對寒冷、喧鬧聲和刺眼的光亮感到厭煩。火車的警告的汽笛不斷地呼嘯、號叫，好像是司機失去了控制，或是闖了紅燈後認識到了自己的錯誤似的。赫爾曼在時報廣場上走了一長段路去乘到中央車站的區間車。 為了等去第十八街的慢車，赫爾曼又不得不等很長的時間。其他候車的人的處境好像跟他很相似：脫離家庭的男人；社會既不能吸收又不能排斥流浪者，他們的臉上流露出失意、後悔和負疚的表情。這些人中沒有一個好好兒地修過面，也沒有一個衣著整齊。赫爾曼觀察著他們，可他們並不理他，相互間也不理睬。他在第十八街下車，穿過馬路來到塔瑪拉的住處。一幢幢辦公大樓聳立著，沒有燈光，也沒有人。很難相信，就在幾小時前，一群群人聚集在那兒做生意。屋頂上空，天陰沉沉的，沒有星星。赫爾曼走上幾階滑溜溜的臺階來到塔瑪拉住的那幢房子的玻璃門前。他看到裡面塔瑪拉穿著一件大衣在一盞電燈的暗淡的燈光下等他。衣邊下露出裡面的睡衣，因為沒有睡覺，她的臉色灰白，頭髮亂蓬蓬的。她悄悄地給赫爾曼開了門，兩人慢吞吞地走上樓，因為電梯已經停了。 你等了多久？Hermann asked. 有什麼關係？我已經習慣於等待了。 他好像不大相信這就是他的妻子，就是大約他二十五年前在一個演講會上第一次遇見的同一個塔瑪拉，那次會上討論的題目是巴勒斯坦能解決猶太人的問題嗎？走到三樓，塔瑪拉停了下來說：啊，我的腿啊！ 他也感到自己小腿的肌肉繃得緊緊的。 塔瑪拉緩了口氣，這時問道：她已經找好醫院了嗎？ Jadwiga?一切都由鄰居們安排。 可這畢竟是你的孩子啊。 他想說：那又怎麼樣？可是他沒說出口。 six 赫爾曼睡了一個小時就醒了。他沒有脫衣服，穿著上衣、褲子、襯衫和襪子躺在床上。塔瑪拉又把毛衣袖子蓋在腳上。她把自己的舊皮大衣和赫爾曼的大衣壓在毯子上面。 她說：感謝上帝，我的苦還沒受完。我現在仍在受苦。這多少有點像我們在亞姆布爾苦苦掙扎的情況。你不會相信我的話，赫爾曼，可是我確實在這種生活中找到了某種樂趣。我不想忘記我們過去的經歷。屋子裡一暖和，我就想像自己背叛了所有歐洲的猶太人。我叔叔覺得猶太人應該禮拜一個永恆的濕婆【註：印度教三大主神之一，與梵天、毗濕奴並稱三主神。濕婆是毀滅之神。 】.全體人民應該蹲在小板凳上讀《約伯記》【註：《希伯來聖經》的第十八本書、基督教《舊約聖經．詩歌智慧書》的第一卷。 】. 沒有信仰，人甚至不能哀悼。 沒有信仰本身就是哀悼的理由。 你在電話上講你原想打電話給我的，有什麼事嗎？ 塔瑪拉沉思了一下。啊，我不知怎麼開始講。赫爾曼，我不會像你那麼總是撒謊。我叔叔和嬸嬸當面向我提出咱倆的事。既然我已經把事實真相告訴了一個外人佩謝萊斯，對於我在世上的僅存的親人，我怎麼還能隱瞞呢？我沒有意思埋怨你，赫爾曼。這也是我的恥辱，可我覺得我一定得告訴他們。我以為在我告訴他們你娶了個異教徒時他們會嚇壞的。但是我叔叔只是嘆了口氣說：如果你對誰動手術，都會有產後痛，這還有誰比我知道得更清楚？疼痛是那天早晨動手術後開始的。當然，他希望咱倆離婚。他在心裡給我找了十個而不是一個結婚對象淵博的學者、好猶太人，都是在歐洲失去妻子的難民。我能說什麼呢？我不想結婚的欲望就像你不想在屋頂上跳舞一樣。可是我叔叔和嬸嬸都堅決認為，你要跟雅德維珈離婚，回到我這兒，要不，咱倆離婚。從他們的觀點來看，他們是對的。我的母親，她已經去世了，曾經給我講過一個故事，說死者並不知道自己已經死去。他們吃啊、喝啊，甚至結婚。既然咱倆曾經在一起生活過，有過孩子，現在又都漫遊在幻想世界裡，既然如此，咱倆幹嘛要離婚呢？ 塔瑪拉，他們也可以把一具屍體放在監獄裡。 沒有人會來逮捕你。你幹嘛那麼怕監獄？你可能境況比你現在要好。 我不希望被他們驅逐出去。我不想葬在波蘭。 誰會告發你呢？your mistress? 可能是佩謝萊斯。 他幹嘛要告發你？他有什麼證據？在美國你沒有跟任何人結過婚。 我給了瑪莎一張猶太人的結婚契約。 她要用它來幹嘛？我的意見是，回到雅德維珈那兒去，跟她和好。 你就是想跟我說這些嗎？我不能再為拉比工作了。肯定不行了。我欠著房租。我身上簡直連明天的飯錢都沒有。 赫爾曼，我想說件事，不過你別生氣。 What's up? 赫爾曼，像你這樣的人是沒有能力為自己做出決定的。當然，我在這方面也不強，可是有時處理別人的事要比處理自己的來得容易。在美國這兒，有些人雇用所謂經理人。讓我來做你的經理人吧。把你完全交給我來管。譬如你在集中營裡，叫你幹什麼你就得幹。我來告訴你怎麼做，你就照著做。我也給你找一份工作。你在目前這種情況下對自己是無能為力的。 你幹嘛要這麼做？你怎麼做呢？ 這你就甭管了。我會做一些事的。從明天開始我會照料你所需要的一切，你得準備好按我的吩咐去做。如果我要你出去挖溝，你就得出去挖溝。 如果他們把我投進監獄，那會怎麼樣？ 那我會給你送包裹到監獄裡來的。 說真的，塔瑪拉，這樣做只是把你那很少的幾塊錢給我罷了。 不，赫爾曼，你不會從我這兒拿走什麼的。從明天開始，你所有的事都由我管了。我知道自己剛到這個國家，不過我習慣於在陌生的地方生活。我看得出你事兒多得應付不了，你都快讓這些負擔壓垮了。 赫爾曼沉默著。然後他說：你是天使嗎？ 可能是，誰知道天使是什麼？ 我剛才對自己說，深更半夜給你打電話，真是發瘋了，可是有某種東西驅使我這麼做。是啊，我得把自己交到你的手中。我已經筋疲力盡 把衣服脫了，你這麼著把衣服都弄壞了。 赫爾曼下了床，脫去上衣、褲子，解下領帶，只穿內衣褲和短襪。黑暗中，他把衣服放在椅子上。在脫衣服的當兒，他聽到蒸汽在暖氣片裡簌簌作響。 他重新上了床，塔瑪拉朝他這邊挪動了一下，把她的手放在他的肋骨上。赫爾曼打鼾了。但每過一會兒他的一隻眼睛就要睜開一下。天慢慢地亮了，他聽到喧鬧聲、腳步聲和過道裡開門關門的聲音。房客一定是工人，他們很早起床去上班。即便住在這些蹩腳的房間裡，人還得去掙錢。過了一會兒，赫爾曼睡著了。等他醒來，塔瑪拉早就穿好衣服。她告訴他，她已經在公用浴室裡洗了個澡。她估量地注視著他，臉上露出決斷的表情。 還記得咱倆的協定嗎？去洗洗，這是毛巾。 他披著外套走到外面的過道裡。整個早晨浴室外一直有人等著，可是現在浴室的門敞開著。赫爾曼找到別人留下的一塊肥皂在水槽裡洗起來。水不怎麼熱。她的心腸怎麼會這麼好？赫爾曼感到納悶。他記得塔瑪拉從前又執拗又忌妒。但是現在，儘管撇下她娶了別人，她一個人準備幫助他。What does it mean? 他回到房間，穿好衣服。塔瑪拉叫他走到下面一層去按電梯的鈴。她不想讓這幢房子裡的人知道有個男人在她那兒過夜。她告訴他在外面等她。外面，耀眼的晨光使他一時什麼也看不見。第十九街上停滿了貨車，正在一捆捆、一箱箱、一簍簍地卸貨。在第四大道上，巨大的鏟車在鏟雪。人行道上盡是行人。熬過了黑夜的鴿子正在雪中覓食；麻雀跟在牠們後面跳著。塔瑪拉把赫爾曼帶到一家在第二十三街上的自助餐廳。餐廳裡散發出的香味跟昨天晚上東百老匯的餐廳一樣，不過這兒還夾雜有一種通常用來刷地板的消毒液味兒。塔瑪拉甚至沒問他想吃什麼。她讓他坐在一張桌子旁，給他端來橘子汁、一份捲餅、煎蛋捲和咖啡。她看著他吃，過了一會兒才給自己去端早餐。赫爾曼雙手捧著那杯咖啡，他並不喝，只是用它取暖。他的頭越垂越低。女人毀了他，可是她們也憐憫他。沒有瑪莎，我也會湊合著活下去，他安慰他自己。塔瑪拉說得對我們不再是真正地活著。