Chapter 8 Chapter VII

one The snow that had fallen all night was as dry and coarse as salt.On the street where Herman lived, the outlines of several cars buried under the snow were barely discernible.This is what Hermann imagined Pompeii's chariots would have looked like after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, buried under the ash.The night sky turned purple, as if by miracle or celestial change, the earth had entered an unknown constellation.Hermann thinks about his own childhood: Hanukkah, cooking chanterelles for the coming Passover, skating in frozen ditches, reading aloud from the weekly Pentateuch, in which Jacob lived in his grandparents. The land on that part of the opening sentence.The past still exists!Hermann said to himself.Even if time is only a mode of thought, as Spinoza insisted, or a form of feeling, as Kant maintained, the fact is always undeniable: in the middle of winter, in Zivkov, the stove is the his father, thanks to his memory, studied the Jamala and its commentaries, and his mother was roasting and blending barley, peas, potatoes, and champignons.Herman could taste the smell of unmilled grain, hear his father's cooing as he read, his mother talking to Jadwija ​​in the kitchen, and the bell of a sleigh the farmer brought in wood from the forest. Jingle.

Hermann sat in his apartment in a bathrobe and slippers.Although it was winter, he still opened the window a crack and let in a sound like countless crickets chirping under the snow.It was too hot in the house, and the worker in charge of the house provided heating throughout the night.The single hiss of steam in the radiator was filled with unspeakable longing.Herman thought the sound of steam in the radiator was crying: Bad, bad, bad; sad, sad, sad; something is wrong, something is wrong, something is wrong.The snow reflected the sky very brightly, and the house was not lit, but it was filled with reflected white light.Hermann felt the light was similar to the northern lights he had read about in books.He stared for a while at the bookcase and the volumes of "Jamala" standing there. These volumes had not been touched for a long time, and the books were full of dust.Jadwija ​​had never dared to touch these holy books.

During this time Hermann was insomnia.He and Martha were married under the presidency of a rabbi; she was, by his reckoning, six months pregnant, though not obvious.Jadwiga also stopped menstruating. Herman remembered the Yiddish saying: ten enemies can hurt a man more than he can hurt himself.Yet he knew that his situation was not entirely his fault; there was always a hidden enemy, his devilish enemy.His enemies did not destroy him all at once, but continually devised new and bewitching ways of tormenting him. Herman breathed in the cold air blowing from the ocean and the snow.He looked out the window and wanted to pray, but to whom?Now, how dare he speak to God?Besides, why should he pray?After a while he went back to bed and lay down next to Jadwija.This is their last night together.Tomorrow morning he was going out again, that is to say, to Martha's.

He married Martha, he put a ring on Martha's index finger, and since then Martha has been busy improving the condition of the apartment, where she redecorated Hermann's.She no longer had to sneak into his room at night because of her mother.She had promised not to fight him for Jadwija, but she had broken her vow.She cursed Yadwija ​​at every opportunity, and even let it slip that she really wanted to kill her.Martha hoped that her marriage would appease her mother's displeasure, but in vain.Shifra.Pue complained that Herman's idea of ​​marriage was nonsense.She forbade him to call her mother-in-law.They didn't speak at all except what they had to say.Shifra.Pue absorbed himself more and more in prayer, leafing through various books, reading Yiddish newspapers and memoirs of Hitler's victims.She spent most of the time in her dark bedroom, and it was difficult to know whether she was thinking or dozing.

Jadwiga was pregnant, another disaster.The rabbi at the synagogue that Jadwija ​​had been to on Yom Kippur accepted her ten dollars, and a woman took her to a ritual ablution, and now Jadwiga has converted to Judaism.She obeyed the rules of cleansing and eating kosher food.She kept asking Hermann questions.If there is a bottle of milk in the fridge, is it still allowed to put meat in it?Is it right to eat dairy after eating fruit?Could she write to her mother, who was no longer her mother under Jewish law?Her neighbors often confuse her by offering her conflicting advice along the lines of European Jewish town superstitions.An elderly Jewish immigrant peddler wanted to teach her the Yiddish alphabet.Jadwiga stopped listening to Polish on the radio, only Yiddish.On those stations, weeping and sighing are always heard; even the songs have a whimpering tone.She asked Hermann to speak to her in Yiddish, which she understood only a little.She blamed him more and more for not behaving like everyone else.He does not go to the synagogue, nor does he have prayer napkins and prayer boxes.

He always told her to stay out of her own business, or to say: You don't have to lie on my bed of nails in hell.Or just say: Help and forget about the Jews.We have enough troubles without you. Can I wear the medal Mariana gave me?There is a cross on it. Ok, Ok.Don't bother me. Jadwiga no longer alienates her neighbors.They came to visit her, exchange their thoughts, and chat with her.These women had nothing else to do. Taught her the customs of Judaism, told her how to buy bargains, warned her that she was being exploited by her husband.A housewife in America needs to have a vacuum cleaner, an electric mixer, an electric iron and, if possible, a dishwasher.Her own house must be insured against fire and theft; Hermann must have life insurance; she must dress better and stop wandering around in peasant rags.

Neighbors quarreled over which Yiddish language to teach Jadwija.A woman from Poland wants to teach her Polish Yiddish, and a woman from Lithuania wants to teach her Lithuanian Yiddish.They also kept pointing out to Jadwija ​​that her husband was out too much and that if she wasn't careful, he might run off with other women.In Jadwiga's mind, insurance policies and dishwashers are two necessary aspects of Jewish living habits. Hermann fell asleep, woke up, dozed off, woke up again.His dreams are as intricate as his waking life.He discussed with Jadwija ​​whether she could have an abortion, but Jadwija ​​would not listen.Does she not even have the right to have a child?Must she die without anyone saying Gardish (she had learned the word from her neighbors)?Well, what about him?Why should he live like a withered tree?She would make a good wife for him, she would be willing to work until full term, she would do the neighbors' laundry and mop the floors, and contribute to the household expenses.A neighbor whose son had just opened a supermarket offered Herman a job there so he wouldn't have to travel across the country selling books.

Herman was supposed to call Tamara, who had moved into a furnished room, but the days went by and he still hadn't called.He dragged the rabbi down again, as usual.Every day he dreads hearing from the tax office, punishing him heavily for non-payment of taxes.Any kind of investigation might expose all his disputes.He should not continue to live in this apartment, because Leon.Totschner knew his number.Totschner could show up without warning.Herman thought that it was probably Totschner who was playing tricks, trying to bring him down. Hermann put his hand on Jadwija's hip, her body exuding an animal warmth.In contrast, his body is cold.Jadwiga seemed to feel Herman's desire for her in her sleep, and grumbled to deal with it, but did not fully wake up.There is no such thing as falling asleep, Hermann thought.It's all fake and fake.

He dozed off again, and when he opened his eyes it was broad daylight.In the sun, the white snow is shining brightly.Jadwija ​​was in the kitchen, he could smell the coffee.Vojtus cheered.It must have been serenading Mariana, who hardly ever sang, but was groomed all day, preening the underwings. Herman counted his expenses a hundred times.He owed rent here and in the Bronx and had to pay Jadwija.Platz and Shifra.Puer.A phone bill in Bullock's name.He hadn't paid the utilities for either apartment, and the gas and electricity would have been cut off.He forgot where he left the bill.His papers and credentials were often missing; perhaps he lost money.Alas, it is too late now to do anything.he thinks.

After a while he went into the bathroom to shave.He gazed at the lathered face in the mirror.The lather on his cheeks was like a white beard.From the pile of soap-scum, one could see his pale nose and pale eyes with a weary yet youthful look of longing. The phone rang.He went to pick up the receiver and heard an old woman's voice.She stuttered and couldn't speak clearly.He was about to hang up the phone when she said: This is Shifra.pue. Shifra.Puer?What happened? Martha was sick, she said, and sobbed. Suicide, the thought flashed through Hermann's mind.Tell me what's wrong!

Please come quickly! What? Please come quickly!Shifra.Pue repeated it.She hung up the phone. Herman wanted to make a phone call to learn more about the situation, but he knew that Shifra.Pue couldn't speak well on the phone, and she was hard of hearing, so she couldn't hear well.He goes back to the bathroom.The soap suds on my cheeks have dried up and are dripping down in little pieces.No matter what happened, he had to shave and take a shower.As long as you live, you can't have a bad smell on you.He soaped his face again. Yadwija ​​walked into the bathroom.Normally she would open the door slowly and ask permission to come in, but this time she walked in without ceremony.Who called just now?your mistress? leave me alone for a moment! The coffee is getting cold. I don't have time to eat breakfast.I have to get out right away. Where are you going?Where is the mistress? Yes, to the mistress. You got me pregnant and you went to a whore yourself.You are not selling books.you liar! Hermann was taken aback.She had never spoken so viciously.He is on fire.Go back to the kitchen or I'll throw you out!he roared loudly. You have a mistress.You spend the night with her.you dog! Yadwija ​​shook her fist at him, and Hermann pushed her out the door.He heard her curse him in the peasant language: liar, cholera, bastard, scabies.He hurried to take a shower, but only cold water came out of the shower head.He dressed awkwardly but as quickly as possible.Jadwija ​​was out, maybe to tell the neighbors that Herman hit her.Herman picked up the cup on the kitchen table, took a sip of coffee, and hurried out the door.He came back at once; he forgot his sweater and overshoes.Outside, Bai Xue was so bright that she couldn't open her eyes.Someone dug a path between two snow walls.He came to Mermaid Avenue, a street where shopkeepers were clearing snow, piling it up with shovels.The cold wind swallowed him, and no amount of clothes could resist the cold wind.He's sleep deprived, and he's a little dizzy from hunger. He went up the ladder to the open station to wait for the train.Coney Island, the island's Luna Park and obstacle course, lay desolate in the winter's ice and snow.The train rumbled into the platform and Herman stepped into the carriage.Through the car window he could vaguely see the ocean.The cold wind roared, the waves were surging, and the spray was splashing.There was a man walking slowly along the beach, but it was impossible to imagine what he was doing in the cold, unless he wanted to commit suicide by jumping into the sea. Hermann sat down in a seat above the radiator, feeling a rush of heat through the wicker chair.The seats in the car were half empty.A drunk was sprawled on the floor.He was wearing summer clothes and no hat.Every now and then he let out a howl.Hermann picked up a dirty newspaper from the ground, and he saw a news story about a madman who killed his wife and six children.The train is running slower than usual.Some say the tracks are covered in snow.The train picked up speed as it went underground and finally reached Times Square, where Herman changed to an express bound for the Bronx.During the nearly two-hour journey, Hermann read through the dirty paper: columns, advertisements, even the two pages of race news and obituaries. two As soon as he entered Martha's apartment, he saw Shifra.Pue, a pudgy young man who was the doctor, and a dark woman who might have been a neighbor.The woman had white hair and a small body, making her head seem too large by comparison. I thought you were never coming again, Shivra.Puer said. How far is it to take the subway to get here? Shifra.Pue's head was wrapped in a black kerchief.Her complexion looked sallow and more lined than usual. where is sheHermann asked.He did not know whether the man he asked was alive or dead. she fell asleep.don't go in. The doctor had a round face, watery eyes, and curly hair; he nodded to Hermann and said in a derisive voice: Husband? Yes, Shefra.Puer said. Mr. Broad, your wife is not pregnant.Who told you she was pregnant? Herself. She was bleeding profusely, but had no children.Have you asked a doctor to examine her? I have no idea.I'm not even sure if she's seen a doctor. Where do you people think you live on the moon?You are still in a Jewish town in Poland.The doctor spoke half in English, half in Yiddish.In this country, a woman is under the constant care of a doctor when she becomes pregnant.Her pregnancy is all here!The doctor said, pointing to his temple with his index finger. Shifra.Pue had known his diagnosis for a long time, but she clasped her hands together as if she had just heard. I don't understand, I don't understand.Her belly was getting bigger.The child kicked her in the stomach. That's all neuroticism. Such neuroticism!Defend and protect us, don't get so neurotic.For God's sake, she just started screaming and in labor pain.ah!How miserable am I!Shifra.Puer burst into tears. Mrs. Bullock, I have heard of such a case. The neighbor said that we refugees will encounter all kinds of things.Under Hitler, we were tortured and everyone was a little bit crazy.The woman I heard had a huge belly.Everyone said she was pregnant with twins.But in the hospital they found nothing but gas in her stomach. gas?Shifra.asked Poo, putting his hand over his ear like a deaf man.But, let me tell you, she hasn't menstruated for the past few months.Well, the devil is playing tricks on us.We got out of hell, but hell followed us to America.Hitler is following us. I have to go, the doctor said, she'll sleep through the night or tomorrow morning.Give her medicine when she wakes up.Give her something to eat, but don't give her a roast. Who eats grilled meat dishes some days of the week?Shifra.asked Puer. Even on the Sabbath we do not eat roast meat.Your grilled meat dish in a gas oven is tasteless. I'm just kidding. Are you still here, doctor? I'm going to work at the hospital tomorrow morning, so stop by.You can be a grandmother in a year.Her uterus is perfectly normal. I can't live that long, Shivra.Only God knows how much energy and life these few hours have taken from me, Pue said.I thought she was six months pregnant, seven months at the most.Suddenly she screamed, her stomach hurt like hell, and then she collapsed.It's a miracle of God that I'm still alive after all this, with my feet on the ground. Well, that's all the fault here.The doctor pointed to his forehead again.He went out, but paused in the passage, beckoning the neighbor with his hand, and she followed him.Shifra.Puel was silent, waiting suspiciously lest the woman at the door might overhear her.Later, she said: How I want to have a grandson.At least one individual can be named after a Jew who was slaughtered.I hope he's a boy and will be named Meyer.But we can't do anything, because our fate is not good.Ah, I shouldn't have escaped the Nazis!I should have stayed there with those dying Jews instead of fleeing to America.But we want to live.What use is my life to me?I envy the dead.I envy them all day long.I can't even die.I want my bones to be buried in Palestine, but I am destined to lie in an American cemetery. Hermann didn't answer.Shifra.Puel went to the table and picked up the prayer book on it.Then she put it down again.Would you like something to eat? no thanks. Why did you take so long?Well, I think I'll have to say the prayers.She put on her glasses, sat down on a chair, and murmured from her bloodless lips. Herman carefully opened the door to the bedroom.Martha is in Shifra.Puel fell asleep in the bed where he usually slept.She looked pale and serene.He stared at her for a long time.His heart was filled with love for her and ashamed of himself.what can I do?How can I possibly make it up to her for all that I have caused her to suffer?He closed the door and went to his room.Through the partially frozen window, he could see the tree in the yard, which had been leafy not so long ago.Now the trees are covered with snow and icicles.There is a thick layer of blue and white snow on a small pile of scrap iron and metal fences in the east and west.Bai Xue turns human garbage into a cemetery. Hermann lay on the bed, asleep.When he opened his eyes, it was already dusk.Shifra.Pue stood beside him, waking him up. Hermann, Hermann, Martha woke up.Go see her. It took him a while to realize where he was and to remember what had happened. There was only one light on in the bedroom.Martha lay as before, but with her eyes open.She stared at Herman and said nothing. what do you think?he asked. I don't feel anything anymore. three It's snowing again.Jadwiga was making a stew of cereal, white lentils, dried mushrooms and potatoes, sprinkled with paprika and parsley, as used to be in Zivkief.On the radio was a song from a Yiddish operettas that Jadwija ​​thought was a religious hymn.The parakeets responded to the music in their own way.They screamed, hooted, coughed, and flew all over the room.Jadwiga had to cover the pot so that hopefully no parrot would fall into it. Hermann was writing, feeling exhausted.He put down his pen, leaned his head back in the armchair, and tried to take a nap.In the Bronx, Martha was still too weak to go to work.She became very cold.Hermann spoke to her, and she answered briefly.However, in this way, they have nothing to talk about.Shifra.Pue prayed all day, as if Martha was still dangerously ill.Hermann knew that without Martha's wages they could not survive even the bare minimum, but he had no money either.Martha proposed a loan organization, where he could borrow one hundred usury loans, but how long would the loan last?Maybe he needs a countersigner too. Jadwiga came into the house from the kitchen.Hermann, the stew is done. I got it too, financially, physically and spiritually. Say I understand. I thought you wanted me to speak Yiddish to you. Say it to me like your mother did. I can't talk like my mother.She is a believer and I am an atheist. I don't know what you are talking about.go eat.I made a Zifkave's cereal stew. Just as Herman was about to stand up, the doorbell rang. Maybe one of your wives came to teach you, Herman said. Yadwija ​​went to answer the door.Hermann crossed off the last half page of his writing, muttering: Well, Lamper Rabbi, the world could do with a shorter sermon.He suddenly heard a suppressed cry.Jadwija ​​ran back to the room, slamming the door behind her.Her face was pale, and her eyes seemed to be rolled upwards.She stood trembling, clutching the doorknob, as if someone was trying to break in.A Holocaust against the Jews?The thought flashed through his mind.who is it?he asked. do not go!do not go!Ah, God!Jadwija ​​tried to block Hermann's path, her lips covered in spittle.Her face was distorted.Herman glanced at the window.The fire escape is not far from this house.He took a step towards Yadwija, and she grabbed his wrist.Just then the door opened, and Hermann saw Tamara standing in the doorway, wearing an old fur coat, hat and boots.When Herman saw it, he immediately understood. Don't tremble, fool!He yelled at Yadwija.She is alive! Jesus, Mary!Jadwija's head throbbed convulsively.She threw herself on Herman with all her strength, almost knocking him to the ground. I didn't expect her to recognize me, Tamara said. She is alive!She is alive!She is not dead!Herman yelled.He wrestled with Yadwija, trying to calm her down, but also trying to push her away.But she clings to him, crying loudly.It sounded like an animal howling. She is alive!She is alive!He growled again.Be quiet!Silly country folk! O Holy Mother, O my heart!Jadwiga crossed himself across his chest.But she realized at once that Jewish women don't make the sign of the sign of the cross, so she clasped her hands together.Her eyes popped out of their sockets, her mouth was distorted from crying, and she couldn't speak. Tamara took a step back.It never occurred to me that she would recognize me.My own mother didn't even recognize me.Be quiet, Jadezia, she said in Polish.I'm not dead, I'm not here to pester you. O dear God! Jadwija ​​pounded her head violently with both fists.Hermann said to Tamara: Why are you doing this?She might be scared to death. sorry Sorry.I thought my appearance had changed so much that it was not the same as before.I want to see your place and your life. You should at least call first. Ah, God!Ah, God!What now?Jadwija ​​cried, I am pregnant.Jadwija ​​put her hands on her stomach. Tamara looked surprised, but at the same time seemed about to laugh.Herman watched her.Are you crazy or drunk?he asked. As soon as he said this, he immediately smelled alcohol.Tamara had told him a week earlier that she had been scheduled to go to a hospital for surgery to remove the bullet in her hip.Are you in love with spirits?He said. A man who does not have tenderness in life loves strong wine.You are very comfortable here.Tamara's tone changed.When you lived with me, you always made a mess.Your manuscripts and books are thrown everywhere.It's clean and tidy here. She kept the house clean and you were always running around giving lectures to the Jewish Socialist Labor Party. Where is the cross?Tamara asked in Polish.Why isn't there a cross here?Since there is no portal scroll, there must be a cross. Here is a portal scroll, Jadwija ​​replied. There must be a cross too, Tamara said, don't think I'm here to disturb your happy life.I learned to drink in Russia, and after a glass, I became curious.I want to see for myself how you live.After all, we still have something in common.You both remember when I was alive. Jesus!Maria! I am not dead, I am not dead.I'm not alive, but I'm not dead.Actually, I wouldn't ask anything from him, Tamara pointed to Herman, he didn't know where I was struggling to survive, and he probably loved you all along, Yard Zia.He must have slept with you before he slept with me. No, not at all!I am an innocent girl.I was a virgin when I married him, Jadwija ​​said. What?Congratulations, men like virgins.If it is done according to the man's will, the woman will lie down as a prostitute and become a virgin again when she wakes up.Well, I know, I was an unexpected visitor, and here I go. Mrs. Tamara, please sit down.You scared me, that's why I screamed.I went to get my coffee, and God knows, if I had known you were alive, I wouldn't have stayed with him. I don't blame you, Yadzia.Our world is a greedy place.Still, it won't do you much good to stay with him, Tamara said, referring to Hermann, but it's better than being alone anyway.The apartment is not bad either.We have never lived in such a nice apartment. I'm going to get coffee.Tamara is too big, would you like something to eat? Tamara didn't answer.Jadwija ​​went to the kitchen, her slippers slapping awkwardly on the floor.She did not close the door.Herman noticed that Tamara's hair was disheveled and yellowish bags developed under her eyes. I never knew you were drinking, he said. There are many things you don't know.You think a man can walk through hell and come out unscathed.Well, it's impossible!In Russia there is vodka, a medicine that can cure all diseases.You drink your fill, then lie down in the straw or on the bare ground, and then you don't think about anything.Let God do what He pleases.Yesterday, I went to visit a guy who owns a hotel here in Brooklyn, but in another area.They gave me a shopping bag full of whiskey. I thought you were going to the hospital. The appointment is to go tomorrow, but now I am not sure whether to go or not.This bullet, said Tamara, placing her hand on her hip, is one of my best keepsakes.It reminds me that I used to have a home, parents and children.If I take it out, I'm left with nothing.It was a German bullet, but it had been in a Jew for so many years that it had become Jewish.It may decide to blow up one day, but in the meantime it sits quietly and we get along just fine.Come and touch it if you want.This also has your share.Probably the same revolver that killed your child tamara i beg you Tamara made a nasty grimace and stuck out her tongue at him. Tamara, I beg you!She imitated his tone and said, don't be afraid, she won't divorce you.Even if she divorces you, you can go to another place.What's her name?If she throws you out too, you come to me.Look, here comes Yadzia with coffee. Jadwija ​​entered the room carrying a tray with two cups of coffee, cream and sugar, and a plate of homemade cookies.She had put on her apron and looked just as she had done when she was a servant.That's how she waited on Herman and Tamara when they came home from Warsaw before the war.Her face was still pale just now, but now it has become red and sweaty, and small beads of sweat appeared on her forehead.Tamara watched her, both strangely and amused. Put it down and get yourself a drink, Hermann said. I drink it in the kitchen. Jadwiga walked back to the kitchen, her slippers slapping the floor.This time she closed the door behind her. Four I stumbled in like a bull into a china store, and Tamara said something was wrong and it was difficult to right.Yes, I had a glass of wine, but it's too early to get drunk.Please call her in, I have to explain to her. I will explain to her myself. No, call her in.She probably thought I was here to steal her husband. Herman walked into the kitchen and closed the door behind him.Jadwiga stood by the window with her back to the room.The sound of his footsteps startled her, and she turned quickly.Her hair was disheveled, her eyes were watery, and her face was red and swollen.She seems to have aged all of a sudden.Before Hermann could speak, she raised her fists to her head and burst into tears, where am I going now? Yadzia, everything will be the same as before. A piercing cry came from Jadwija's throat, like the squawk of a goose.Why did you tell me she was dead?You're not selling the book, you're with her! Yadzia, I swear to God, it's not happening.She came to America only recently.I had no idea she was alive. what do i do nowShe is your wife. you are my wife. She married you first.I have to get out of here, I'm going back to Poland.It would be nice if I wasn't pregnant.Yadwija ​​wept like a peasant mourning the dead, shaking from side to side.ah Tamara opened the door.Yadzia, don't cry like that.I didn't come to take your husband away.I just want to see your life. Jadwija ​​staggered forward as if about to fall at Tamara's feet. Mrs. Tamara, you are his wife, and always will be.If God allows you to live, it is a divine right.I'll let it go.This is your house.I want to go home.My mother won't drive me away. No Yadzia, you don't do that.You are pregnant with his child, and I'm already a barren tree as they say.God himself took my child. Ah, Mrs. Tamara!Tears welled up in Jadwija's eyes, and she slapped her cheeks with her palms.She rocked back and forth, bending over as if looking for a place to fall.Hermann glanced toward the door, worried that the neighbors might hear her. Yadzia, you must be quiet, Tamara said firmly, I am a living person, but I am the same as a dead person.They say the dead come back sometimes, and in a way I was such a visitor.I'll see how it goes, but don't worry, I won't be back. Jadwiga took her hands away from her face, which was as red as raw meat. No, Mrs. Tamara, you stay here!I am a simple country boy, uneducated, but I have a conscience.This is your husband, your home.You have suffered enough. do not talk!I don't want him.If you want to go back to Poland, you can go back, but that has nothing to do with me.Even if you go, I won't live with him. Jadwiga fell silent.She squinted at Tamara, wondering.where are you going thenHere is your ready-made home and family.I'll cook and clean.I also work as a servant.This is God's will. No, Jadwiga.You are very kind, but I cannot accept this sacrifice.After the throat is cut, it cannot be sewn together. Tamara was getting ready to go, adjusting her hat and brushing a few loose locks of hair.Hermann took a step closer to her.Don't go, now that Yadwija ​​knows, we can all be friends.I can tell less lies. Just then, the doorbell rang.The bell was long and loud.The two parakeets, who had been perched on the roof of their cage listening to their conversation, started flying around the room.Jadwiga ran from the kitchen into the living room.Who?Hermann asked. He heard muffled voices, but could not tell whether it was a man's or a woman's.He opened the door, and there was a small man and woman standing in the corridor.The woman was sallow and wrinkled, with yellow eyes and red hair.The lines on her forehead and cheeks looked like lines carved in old dirt.However, she does not seem to be old, forty at most.She was dressed in house clothes and slippers.She took the yarn and was knitting as she waited outside for the door to open.Beside her stood a small man in a felt hat with a feather in it; a plaid jacket, too pale a color for these harsh winter days; Trousers, brown leather shoes, and a tie in yellow, red, and green.He looked ridiculous, not like a local, as if he had just flown in from a hot climate and hadn't had time to change his clothes.His head was long and narrow, with a hooked nose, sunken cheeks, and a pointed chin.There was a look of humor in his dark eyes, as if the visit he was making was no more than a joke. The woman spoke Yiddish with a Polish accent.You don't know me, Mr. Broad, but I know you.We live downstairs.is your wife at home She is in the living room. A lovely person.I was with her when she converted to Judaism.I was the one who took her to the ritual bath and told her how to do it.Women born Jewish should love Judaism as much as she does.is she busy Well, a little busy. This is my friend Mr. Pescheles.He doesn't live here.He has a house in Haimen.He, let's hope he doesn't get a bad eye, also has houses in New York and Philadelphia.He came to see us, and we told him about you, about you selling books, about writing, and he wanted to do business with you. No business!No business at all!Pecheles interrupted her.我的生意不是書，而是不動產，而且不動產的生意我也不做了。一個人到底需要做多少生意呢？即便是洛克菲勒一天也至多能吃三餐。我只是喜歡閱讀，不管是報紙、雜誌還是書，拿到什麼都愛看。如果你有時間，我很願意跟你聊聊。 赫爾曼猶豫了一下。真是太抱歉了，我實在很忙。 要不了多長時間十分鐘或十五分鐘就行，那個女人勸說道，佩謝萊斯先生每六個月來看我一次，有時六個月還不止呢。他是個有錢人，但願他別遭到毒眼，如果你們要找套公寓，他可能會優待你們的。 優待什麼？我從來不優待。我自己都得付房租。這兒是美國。不過，如果你們需要一套公寓，我可以向你介紹一套，不會讓你吃虧的。 嗯，進來吧。原諒我在廚房裡接待你們。我妻子身體不舒服。 在哪兒不都一樣？他又不是上這兒來接受榮譽。他獲得過，但願他別遭毒眼，許許多多榮譽。他們剛請他就任紐約最大的養老院院長。全美國都知道諾森．佩謝萊斯是誰。他在耶路撒冷建了兩所猶太法典學院不是一所，而是兩所，幾百個青年男子可以在那兒學習《律法》，費用由他開支 對不起，斯奇雷厄太太，我不需要任何宣傳。如果我需要宣傳員，我會雇一個的。他根本不必知道這些事情。我做這些不是為了要讚揚。佩謝萊斯說得很快。這些話就像乾豆似的從他嘴裡蹦出來。他的嘴很癟，好像沒有下嘴唇。他世故地微微一笑，具有一種有錢人在訪問窮人時流露出的自在的神情。他倆一直站在門口，現在，走進廚房。赫爾曼還沒來得及把塔瑪拉介紹給他們，塔瑪拉就說：我得走了。 別走，不要因為我就走啊，佩謝萊斯先生說，你是個漂亮的女人，可我不是熊，不會吃人的。 坐下，坐下，赫爾曼說，別走，塔瑪拉，他又說。我知道這兒椅子不夠，不過我們一會兒就可以到另一間屋子去。一秒鐘！ 他走進起居室。雅德維珈不哭了。她帶著鄉下人害怕陌生人的神情，站在那兒提心吊膽地注視著門口。誰來了？ 斯奇雷厄太太。她帶了個男人來。 她想幹嘛？現在我誰也不願見。啊，我都快瘋了。 赫爾曼拿了一把椅子回到廚房。斯奇雷厄太太已經在廚房桌子旁坐下了。沃伊圖斯停在塔瑪拉的肩頭上，拉著一隻耳環。赫爾曼聽到佩謝萊斯對塔瑪拉說：只來了幾個星期？可你一點也不像是新來的。我剛來的時候，離開一英里遠就能認出一個新來的移民。你看起來像個美國人。完全像是美國人。 five 雅德維珈身體不好，我想她不會來了，赫爾曼說，很抱歉，這兒不太舒適。 comfortable!斯奇雷厄太太打斷他說，希特勒教會我們怎麼在不舒服的情況下過日子。 你也是從那兒來的？Hermann asked. 是啊，從那兒來的。 從集中營來的？ 從俄國。 你在俄國什麼地方？Tamara asked. 在亞姆布爾。 在勞動營裡？ 是的，我住在納布羅茲納亞街。 老天爺，我也住在納布羅茲納亞街，塔瑪拉叫起來，跟齊科夫去的一個拉比老婆和她兒子住在一起。 嗯，世界真小，世界真小，佩謝萊斯先生拍著雙手說。他十指尖尖，指甲剛修剪過。俄國是個幅員遼闊的國家，但是兩個難民剛見面，他們就發現是親戚或是在同一個勞動營中待過。你們知道怎麼辦嗎？我們都到樓下你家去吧，他指著斯奇雷厄太太說，我叫人去買麵包圈、燻鮭魚，也許還買一些科涅克白蘭地。你們倆都是從亞姆布爾來的，你們會有許多話要談的。走，下去，呢︱呢︱布羅德先生。我能記住人，可記不住人名。有一次我忘了我老婆的名字 這所有的男人都忘記，斯奇雷厄太太眨眨眼睛說。 遺憾的是我不能去，赫爾曼說。 為什麼不去？帶著你妻子一起下去。現在，一個異教徒皈依猶太教可不是件小事。我聽說她把你藏在一個草料棚裡，藏了好幾年。你推銷什麼書？我對舊書很感興趣。有一回我買到一本有林肯親筆簽名的書。我喜歡到拍賣行去。我聽說你還寫點東西。你寫些什麼？ 赫爾曼正要回答，電話鈴響了。塔瑪拉抬起頭來看，沃伊圖斯又滿屋子亂飛起來。電話裝在廚房附近一間通往臥室的小休息室裡。赫爾曼對瑪莎生起氣來。她幹嘛來電話？她明知道他就要去的。也許他不該去接電話的吧？他拿起聽筒說：喂。 他突然想到，可能是里昂．托特希納來的電話。自從他們在自助餐廳裡見面以來，赫爾曼一直認為他會來電話。赫爾曼聽到一個男人的聲音，但不是里昂．托特希納。這是一個深沉的男低音，用英語問道：是赫爾曼．布羅德先生嗎？ Yes. 我是蘭珀特拉比。屋裡寂靜無聲。廚房裡，他們停止了說話。 噢，拉比。 你原來是有電話的，不過不是在布朗克斯而是在布魯克林。第二廣場是在康尼島那一帶。 我的朋友搬走了，赫爾曼咕噥著，明知這個謊話會引起新的麻煩。 拉比清了清嗓子。他搬走了，電話就裝起來了？啊，是啊，我就真是個大傻瓜，可不像你想的那麼傻。拉比提高了嗓門。你的全部的喜劇完全是不必要的。一切事情，所有的一切我都知道。你結了婚，可你卻不告訴我，不讓我來祝賀你。Who knows?我可能會送你一份精采的結婚禮物。不過，你如果想這麼做，這是你的權力。我給你打電話，是因為你在關於卡巴來神祕主義哲學的那篇文章裡出了好幾個嚴重的錯誤，這對咱倆沒任何好處。 什麼錯誤？ 我現在不能告訴你。莫斯考威茨拉比打電話給我，是關於桑德爾芬天使或是上帝的特使的。文章已經付梓。他們正要開印，發現了錯誤。他們只好把這幾頁抽出來，重新安排整本雜誌。這是你給我幹的好事。 我感到很抱歉。既然這樣我還是辭職吧，做的工作你也不必付給報酬了。 這對我有什麼好處？我是信賴你的，你幹嘛不校對一下？我雇用你是為了做研究工作，這樣我就不會在世人的眼睛裡顯得像個笨蛋。你知道，我很忙，而且 我不知道我犯了哪些錯誤，不過既然有錯，我不應再做這個工作了。 我現在到哪兒去另外找人？你把事情都瞞著我，為什麼？如果你愛一個女人，那又不犯罪。我把你當成朋友看待，對你推心置腹，可你卻胡編出一個同鄉，一個希特勒的受害者的故事。幹嘛我不能知道你有妻子？至少我還可以祝你走運吧。 那當然，非常感謝。 你幹嘛說得那麼輕？是嗓子痛還是怎麼了？ 沒有，沒有。 我一直跟你講，我不能跟一個不肯將地址和電話告訴我的人一起工作。我必須馬上見你，告訴我你的地址吧。如果我們修改好錯處，他們就等到明天再開印。 我不住在這兒，我住在布朗克斯。 赫爾曼幾乎是悄沒聲兒地對著話筒講話。 還是布朗克斯？在布朗克斯哪兒？說實話，我捉摸不透你。 我會把一切都告訴你的。我只是暫時在這兒住住。 暫時？What happened to you?要不，你是有兩個老婆？ may be. 那好吧，你什麼時候在布朗克斯？ 今天晚上。 把地址告訴我。把這件事徹底解決！結束這種亂糟糟的情況吧！ 赫爾曼很勉強地將瑪莎的地址告訴了拉比。他用手捂住嘴巴，不讓廚房裡的人聽見他的聲音。 你什麼時候在那兒？ 赫爾曼告訴了他時間。 這回是肯定的吧，還是又在騙人？ 不是騙人，我會在那兒的。 那好，我會去的。你不必這麼緊張，我不會偷你老婆的。 赫爾曼回廚房去，看到雅德維珈。她已經走出起居室。她的臉和眼睛還是紅紅的，她兩手握拳，放在臀部上，注視著他站的地方。顯然，她一直在聽他打電話。赫爾曼聽到斯奇雷厄太太在問塔瑪拉：他們是怎麼把你送到俄國去的，隨特勤部隊去的嗎？ 不是，我們是偷越國境去的，塔瑪拉回答。 我們坐的是裝牛的火車，斯奇雷厄太太說，坐了三個星期，就像罐頭沙丁魚似地擠在車裡。如果要大小便請你原諒只得從一個小窗口裡排泄。想像一下，男男女女都擠在一起。我怎麼也弄不明白，我們是怎麼活下來的。有些人沒能活下來。他們站著就死了。屍體就給扔出了車外。我們來到一個冰天雪地的森林裡，我們先得砍樹，用來建造工房。我們在冰凍的地上挖溝，我們就睡在這些溝裡 這些情況我知道得太清楚了，塔瑪拉說。 你在這兒有親戚嗎？佩謝萊斯問塔瑪拉。 有一個叔叔和嬸嬸。他們住在東百老匯。 東百老匯？他是你什麼人？佩謝萊斯先生指著赫爾曼問。 哦，我們是朋友。 嗯，到下面斯奇雷厄太太家去，我們都會成為朋友的。盡是聽你們談挨餓，我感到餓了。我們一邊吃喝，一邊聊天吧。走吧，嘔︱呢︱布羅德。今兒這麼冷，談談心裡話真是太好了。 我想我現在得走了，赫爾曼說。 我也得走了，塔瑪拉說。 雅德維珈好像突然醒過來似的。 塔瑪拉太太，你上哪兒去？請留下吧，我去做晚飯。 不了，雅德維珈，我改日再來。 嗯，看起來你們不打算接受我的邀請咯，佩謝萊斯先生說，走吧，斯奇雷厄太太，這回咱們沒請成。如果你有什麼舊書，我們可以另找個時間做筆小小的生意。我說過，我也算是個藏書家。不同的是 咱們以後再談，斯奇雷厄太太對雅德維珈說，也許佩謝萊斯先生以後不會是這樣的稀客。他為我做過的事，只有上帝知道。別人滿足於抱怨猶太人的命運，可是他送來護照。我跟他完全不認識，給他寫了一封信就因為他父親曾跟我父親合夥過，他倆都經營農產品四個星期後，我收到了一份宣誓書。我們到領事館去，他們已經知道佩謝萊斯先生。他們都知道。 好了，別說了。別誇我，別誇我。宣誓書是什麼？一片紙唄。 有了這樣的紙，他們可以拯救出成千上萬的人。 佩謝萊斯站起身，你叫什麼名字？他問塔瑪拉。她疑惑地看看他，又看看赫爾曼和雅德維珈。 Tamara. 是小姐還是太太？ 你愛叫什麼就叫什麼。 塔瑪拉什麼？你總有個姓吧。 Tamara.Broad. 也姓布羅德？你們是兄妹嗎？ 堂兄妹，赫爾曼代塔瑪拉回答。 嗯，世界真小。非常的時代。有一次，我在報上看到一個故事，講一個難民正和新婚的妻子一起吃晚飯，突然門打開了，他原來的妻子走了進來，他以為她已死在猶太人居住區。這種亂七八糟的情況是希特勒和他的餘黨造成的。 斯奇雷厄太太的臉上突然綻出了笑容。她那蠟黃的眼睛裡閃耀著討好的微笑神色。臉上的皺紋變得更深了，就像是刺在原始部落的人臉上的花紋。 這個故事有什麼意思，佩謝萊斯先生？ 嗯，實際上沒什麼意思。在生活中什麼事都可能發生。尤其是在目前，一切都混亂不堪的時候。 佩謝萊斯先生垂下右眼瞼，像要吹口哨似地噘起嘴，他把手伸進胸袋，拿出兩張名片給塔瑪拉。 不管你是誰，讓我們做個朋友吧。 six 兩位客人剛走，雅德維珈又失聲痛哭起來。她的臉一下子又扭歪了。你現在上哪兒去？你幹嘛要離開我？塔瑪拉太太！他不是在推銷書，他在說謊。他有個情婦，他到她那兒去。別人都知道。鄰居們都笑話我。而我救過他的命呢！我從自己嘴裡省下最後一口食物，給他在草料棚裡吃。我把他的糞便端出去。 請求你，雅德維珈，別說了！赫爾曼說。 赫爾曼，我得走了！我只想告訴你一件事，雅德齊亞，他不知道我還活著。我是前不久才從俄國到這兒來的。 她，他的情婦，每天都來電話，他以為我不明白，其實我明白。他跟她一起過幾天，回來時精疲力竭、身無分文。房東老太太每天來問我討房租，威脅說要在這麼冷的冬天把我們趕出去。如果我沒有懷孕，我可以去工廠做工。在這兒，你還得預約一家醫院和一個醫生，在這兒沒有人在家裡生孩子。我不讓你走，塔瑪拉太太。雅德維珈跑到門口張開雙臂擋在那兒。 雅德齊亞我得走，塔瑪拉說。 如果他想再跟你在一起，我可以把孩子送人。這兒人們可以把孩子送掉，他們還付給 別說傻話，雅德齊亞。我不會再跟他在一起的，你也不必把孩子送掉。我會給你請醫生、連繫一家醫院的。 啊，塔瑪拉太太！ 雅德齊亞，讓我出去！赫爾曼說。他已穿上了大衣。 你不能走！ 雅德齊亞，有一個拉比正在等我。我是給他工作的。如果我現在不去見他，我們就無法糊口了。 你在說謊！不是拉比，而是一個妓女在等你。 嗯，我知道這兒的情況了，塔瑪拉半對她自己，半對雅德維珈和赫爾曼說著。現在我真的得走了。如果我改變主意，決定去醫院的話，我總得洗洗東西、作些準備。讓我走，雅德齊亞。 你最後還是決定去了？準備去哪家醫院？醫院的名字是什麼？Hermann asked. 到哪家醫院去有什麼關係？假如我活著我會出院的；假如死了，他們總會安葬我的。你不必來看我。如果他們發現你是我丈夫，他們會要你付錢的。我告訴他們說我沒有親屬，一定要維持這種情況。 塔瑪拉走到雅德維珈跟前，吻了吻她。雅德維珈的腦袋在塔瑪拉肩上貼了一會兒。她號啕大哭，吻了塔瑪拉的額頭、雙頰和雙手。她幾乎要跪下來，嘴裡咕咕噥噥地說著鄉下土話，可是聽不出她到底在說些什麼。 塔瑪拉一走，雅德維珈馬上又用身體擋住門。你今天不能走！ 咱們過一會兒瞧。 赫爾曼等待著，直到他聽不見塔瑪拉的腳步聲。然後他抓住雅德維珈的手腕，默不作聲地跟她扭打在一起。赫爾曼推了她一把，她砰的一聲跌倒在地上。他打開門奔了出去。他一步跨兩階，匆匆忙忙地奔下高低不平的樓梯，他聽到一聲既像是哭又像是呻吟的聲音。他想起他曾經學過的一種說法：你違反十誡中的一誡，就等於違反了十誡。我最終將成一個凶手，他對自己說。 他沒有注意暮色已經降臨。樓梯上早已黑了。門都敞開著，但他沒有轉回身。他走到外面。塔瑪拉站在一個個被風吹起來的雪堆中間等他。 你怎麼不穿套鞋？你可不能就這麼去！她叫起來了。 我得去。 你想自殺？回去拿套鞋，要不你想得肺炎。 我隨便得什麼病都跟你無關。滾開你們都給我滾！ 嗯，這可是原來的赫爾曼。等著，我到樓上去給你拿套鞋。 不，你別去！ 這樣這個世界上就會少一個呆子了。 塔瑪拉穿過一個個被風吹起來的雪堆，擇路向前走著。這些雪堆看起來亮晶晶的，閃著藍光。街燈已經亮了，不過現在還是黃昏時分。天上覆蓋著泛黃的鐵鏽紅雲彩，風很猛，天色陰沉。寒風從海灣吹過來。突然，樓上有一扇窗戶打開了，掉下一隻套鞋，接著又掉下一隻。雅德維珈把赫爾曼的套鞋扔了下來。他抬頭看看窗戶，可是她馬上把窗戶關緊，還拉上了窗簾。塔瑪拉朝他走來，哈哈大笑。她衝他眨了眨眼、晃了晃拳頭。他穿上套鞋，但他的皮鞋裡已塞滿了雪。塔瑪拉一直等到他趕上自己。 最壞的狗得到最好的骨頭，為什麼呢？ 她挽著他的胳膊，他倆像一對上了年紀的夫妻似的一起在雪地裡小心而緩慢地走著。大塊的冰雪從屋頂上往下掉。美人魚大道上堆著高高的雪堆。一隻死鴿子躺在雪地裡，牠的紅腳直挺挺地伸著。嗯，神聖的動物啊，你已經度過了自己的一生，赫爾曼思忖。你是幸運的。他心裡感到悲哀。如果這就是牠的結果，你幹嘛要創造牠？上帝啊，你這虐待狂，你要沉默多久？ 赫爾曼和塔瑪拉朝車站走去，他倆在那兒上了火車。塔瑪拉只要乘到第十四街，赫爾曼要到時報廣場。車廂內，除了角落裡一個小長凳還空著，其餘的座位上都有人，赫爾曼和塔瑪拉朝長凳擠過去。 那你決定去動手術了？赫爾曼說。 我到底會失去什麼呢？只是痛苦的生活。 赫爾曼垂下腦袋。列車行駛到聯合廣場的時候，塔瑪拉向他告別。他站起身，他們互相吻別。 有時想著我點兒，她說。 原諒我。 塔瑪拉急急匆匆下了火車。赫爾曼又在燈光昏暗的角落裡坐了下去。他似乎聽到了父親的說話聲：嘿，我問你，你都幹了些什麼啊？你把自己和其他人都弄得很痛苦。我們在天堂也為你感到羞愧。 赫爾曼在時報廣場下了車，穿過馬路去坐紐約市內地鐵區間快車。他從車站走到希弗拉．普厄住的那條街。拉比的凱迪拉克牌汽車果真已經停在滿是積雪的街上了。屋裡所有的燈都亮著，汽車似乎在黑暗中閃閃發光。赫爾曼臉色蒼白，渾身凍僵，鼻子通紅，衣著寒磣，他這樣走進這套燈光通明的屋子，感到羞愧。在黑洞洞的入口處，他抖掉身上的雪，搓紅雙頰。他把領帶繫整齊，用手絹擦去額頭上的雪水。赫爾曼想到，拉比可能根本沒有在文章裡找到什麼錯誤。他的電話可能只是他想干預赫爾曼私事的藉口。 赫爾曼一進門，首先注意到的是插在梳妝臺上花瓶裡的一大束玫瑰花。鋪著檯布的桌上放著小甜餅和橘子，中間是一大瓶香檳。拉比和瑪莎正在碰杯；他們顯然沒有聽見赫爾曼進屋。瑪莎已經有些醉意。她高聲說話，哈哈大笑。她穿了一件宴會服。拉比的聲音響得像打雷。Shifra.普厄在廚房裡炸薄煎餅。赫爾曼聽到油吱吱作響，聞到烤馬鈴薯的焦香。拉比穿一套淺色衣服，在這套低矮而擁擠的房子裡，他似乎顯得出奇的高大、魁梧。 拉比站起身，一大步跨到赫爾曼面前，一邊拍手，一邊大聲地說：祝你走運，新郎！ 瑪莎放下酒杯。他終於來了！她指著赫爾曼，笑得搖搖晃晃。然後她也站起身來，走到赫爾曼跟前。別站在門口。這是你的家。我是你妻子。這兒的一切都是你的！ 她投入他的懷抱，吻著他。