Chapter 31 twenty one

In the outside world, it is the Christmas season, just turn on the TV, radio or newspaper, and immediately feel the Christmas spirit.Christmas bells are often heard, Advent calendars are everywhere, new reports on record sales, articles about the stress of the season, advertisements for Christmas gifts, suggestions for Christmas meals, Donald Duck, dancing around the Christmas tree, stories of the Virgin Mary, Baby Jesus, shining stars on the stalls. Fortunately, there is no Christmas in the unit, no matter before, during or after Christmas, everything is as usual, unlike Christmas outside that will devour everything that passes by it.No bling in the unit, no Christmas candles, no Christmas background music in the store, no shortened opening hours in the exercise center, no trainers in Santa hats in the fitness center, and no special workout classes with just Christmas music.Restaurants, galleries, cinemas, theaters, and shops are all open without unnecessary decorations.There is no special Christmas menu in the unit, no matinee movies for children on December 26, no discounts between Christmas and New Year, no New Year celebrations, and no Epiphany.Whenever you think this year's Christmas frenzy is finally over, Epiphany suddenly looms over you with a disdainful grin.

Yet a new year is a new year, a fact that cannot be avoided or ignored.The year numbers have changed and time has passed relentlessly.I'm going to be fifty-one soon, and Johannes is going to be sixty-four, which is a very old age for an unwanted individual.But Johannes doesn't feel old at all, and I also feel younger than in previous years, maybe because I'm desired, I love, and I'm loved at the same time. My novel is nearing completion and I'm putting the finishing touches on it.I reread it, make some minor revisions, reread it again, make some more minor revisions, and don't let it go easily.

Johannes laughed at me and said I was a hen.That night we lay naked in bed. Don't you?I asked: Don't you do it when you're almost done with one thing and know you'll soon have to say goodbye to it and start something new? meeting. That's right!Are you still laughing at me?I playfully squeezed his nipples. Because it's fun.He replied, pinching me back. Ouch!I said. It won't hurt.He said. Won't. What about you? Because it's fun.I replied, and he pressed onto my body. We fell asleep afterwards and I kept dreaming about York and the branches and the beach.In my dreams York sometimes turns into Johannes, running toward me with outstretched arms in the wind, while the sea roars and roars beside me.Sometimes in the dream Johannes threw the branch, York picked it up, and we praised it together.In the dream we came back to my house together, and Johannes hung the framed photos on the wall, and I asked: Whose photos are these?He replied: Can't you see it?Of course it's a picture of our kids.

The dream was clearer this time, and Johannes' voice was very close, very real, as if we were having the same dream at the same time, really talking to each other, really discussing those photos in the dream. The next day I stopped polishing the novel, considered it finished, burned it to a CD, put it in a cardboard sleeve, and wrote the title of the book and my name.Then I didn't know what to do with it, so I put it on the table. I started to think about the structure of the new story, but very slowly.It's always like this every time I start a new thing, slow, heavy, uncertain, like riding a bicycle struggling to climb a hill, the chain is rusted and may break at any time.

On top of that, I've been getting really tired lately, tired and dizzy, and at first I thought it was from another workout program.I am grateful for the opportunity to participate in this project because it is healthier and more enjoyable than taking pills, injections or participating in experiments with different solvents or gases.This time they measure muscle mass and oxygen uptake capacity.After the first round of tests, the selected participants were informed that my physical condition was twenty years old.But after a few weeks in the experiment, I began to feel weak, almost paralyzed at times.Fearing that I wasn't getting enough vitamins and minerals, or that I was becoming dehydrated, I tried to eat more and drink more water, but to no avail.

One morning, I woke up feeling nauseous and rushed to the toilet to vomit.I ate a sandwich and drank a glass of milk and felt better.I felt tired and a little lightheaded, and didn't feel sick again until the evening.As usual, I felt better after I ate, but threw up again the next morning. It's like this day after day.One afternoon a few weeks later, after finishing my physical training, I had an idea to detour to the hospital and go to the pharmacy to get a pregnancy test stick. The pharmacy staff looked surprised. I'll look for it.He said that he disappeared immediately and came back with a small box after leaving for a long time. Inside the box was a DIY pregnancy test stick with instructions for use.

I went back to my residence, spent the night alone, and got up in the morning for a urine test.As expected.As unbelievable as it was, I was actually pregnant and Johannes and I were going to be parents. I didn't do anything that morning but wandered around the flat, in and out of the bathroom, around the dining table and easy chair, past the desk to play on the computer for a while, and was startled when I saw Megan's drawing of the deformed fetus .I turned my back to the painting, walked into the simple kitchen, opened and closed the refrigerator, poured a glass of water, walked around the dining table, put the undrinked water on the table, walked slowly back to the bedroom and walked out.If there is a window, I will definitely stand in front of the window to collect my thoughts and calm myself down.But there were no windows in the room, and it was difficult for me to calm down.

In the afternoon, I went to the physical training as usual, then went back to the residence to eat, tried to sleep for a while, but couldn't sleep at all.I was too excited, too dizzy, too uncomfortable, too happy. That evening, as soon as I entered the door of Johannes' lodgings, I said: I know why I've always felt uncomfortable, and I still don't. oh?Johannes frowned anxiously, and I almost yelled: I am pregnant!You are going to be a father! Of course he thought I was joking at first, but then he finally realized that I was serious and that I was excited from the bottom of my heart, so he knew I was telling the truth.He took my hand in both of his, kissed it, then kissed my forehead, and said softly:

my love. He hugged me, my forehead against his collarbone, his cheek against my ear, repeating softly: my love.my love. He let go of me, and I looked at his face, only to see his tears glistening.I take that to mean he's moved. Later, after we had sex, we were lying in bed, in total darkness.I was about to fall asleep when I heard him weep quietly and subduedly.I turned over, stroked his cheek, and asked him what's wrong, do you feel uncomfortable?He replied that he was fine, just happy. I cry because I am happy.He said. But he didn't sound happy. So I told him the dream I had, he was playing with me and York on the beach, and we were going back to my house, which was our house in the dream, and he had pictures of our kids on the wall.

It was wonderful, he said: What a beautiful dream. Now that dream can come true.I said. He responded by wrapping his arms around me and holding me so tightly that I could barely breathe.