Chapter 32 twenty two

The next afternoon, I went to strength training and they told me to go straight to the clinic, and I knew it had to do with the pregnancy.Listening devices and monitors must have recorded my trip to the pharmacy and last night's conversation with Johannes. I reported at the counter and was ushered into a small office.Amanda.Dr. Eustorp and Pedro, the unit's chief executive, were waiting for me, sitting side by side at a table.Amanda is wearing a white coat and Pedro is wearing a crimson suit. Please sit down, Dolly.Pedro spoke with a friendly and serious expression on his face. I sat down across from them.

We noticed, Pedro said: Your pregnancy test came back positive. right.I said. You must undergo a gynecological examination. certainly.I said. We can check now.Amanda said, reluctantly grinning, I think her expression should be a smile.Suddenly, I felt uneasy, but it wasn't the gynecological exam, which I had long since stopped worrying about or being embarrassed about. My uneasiness had other reasons, and it had to do with Amanda's forced smile, Pedro's deliberate friendliness, and the atmosphere in the room. this way please.Yamada said.I followed her into the next room. There was a gynecological examination chair in the corner, a low table next to it with a computer on it, and a high stainless steel table with medical equipment on it. There was a monitor in the opposite corner.

Please go over there and take off your clothes up to your waist, and I'll get the nurse over there.Yamada said. I lie on a chair with my legs spread and my feet straddling the footstool.Amanda reached inside me with one hand and with the other hand pressed on my lower abdomen, very gently from both sides.I imagined her holding the fetus in her hands.Amanda whispered Latin nouns and sentences to the nurse, and finally pulled out her hand and said to me: Yes, it looks like you are indeed pregnant.Have you participated in any experiments with hormones? So far no.I answered. In this way, I can tell you, it is really amazing.Generally speaking, even if menopause has not yet occurred at the age of fifty-five, it is actually impossible to conceive after the age of forty-five or forty-six.

I know.I said. Generally speaking, this is the case.She added another sentence. I know.I replied, thinking to myself: How long am I going to lie in that chair? In general, continued Amanda, still standing between my legs, it was as if she was lecturing my uterus, which stops producing eggs even after menstruation after forty-five. I know, I said: can I wear clothes? sure.When you're dressed, please come to me and Pedro next door so we can talk. They sat at the table again, and I sat across from them.Pedro looked me straight in the eyes with a sincere expression. As you can probably understand, we were shocked to find out about this.she spoke.

Yes, I was shocked myself.I try to smile. You have Pedro cleared her throat and said: Dolly, you have two options. What?What does this mean?I still have to choose?I said: If you think I will have an abortion, then you are wrong, I will never kill my baby, never! Back in the outside world, a friend of mine got pregnant at forty-seven and was advised to have an abortion.The friend, Melinda, told me about it, explaining that all women who conceive after the age of forty, whether they have children or not, are advised to have an abortion, just in case.It is not surprising when you think about it. Pregnant women have a high risk of fetal malformation or dysfunction due to their age, and the probability of premature birth and complications that require high medical expenses to take care of is also high.If the man who provided the sperm was also older, the child was also more likely to develop schizophrenia as an adult.

These high risks are actually very low in individual percentages.For Johannes' age, the risk of a child with schizophrenia is two decimal places above average, and for others, such as my age, the risk of a child with Down's syndrome is more or less the same.Doctors' abortion recommendations are largely personal.Premature babies, mental retardation, schizophrenia in adulthood, etc. will cost society a lot of money. If the overall number of defects and complications can be minimized, considerable savings can be made, but hundreds of children still end up costing society every year. financial loss.

Melinda received black and white statistics on how much it would cost society if she gave birth to a child who turned out to be dysfunctional in one way or another.She showed me the statistics book.The statistics make it clear that the decision to have a child costs millions or tens of millions of dollars in lost money, and that's just the loss of a single dysfunction from zero to fifty.Desperate, Melinda said: I don't want to be a burden to society. I hope that I can be a person who is needed in all aspects, and I also want my children to be a person who is needed, instead of consuming social resources throughout my life.Everyone wants to live their life with dignity, don't they?Everyone wants to be respected, and we want our children to be respected too.But I want this child, this child has been created to live in me, and there must be something to it.Whether or not the child is born prematurely or blind or otherwise dysfunctional, the child is still a child, and the child is still a person.We live in a democracy and I have the right to have my child.

But Melinda ended up having an abortion.She already has two healthy children and is already in need. but I am not.I made the decision to have this baby, and no matter what happens, I will take care of and raise this baby.I want to start a family with Johannes and this kid.I wanted to live a normal life, to have a deep interconnectedness and relationship with my family, for better and for worse, until death.I want to feel authentic, to feel like I belong, and honestly, I don't care if it's dignified, respected, or cost the taxpayers a lot of money.I thought to myself, taxpayers are going to die!I just want to have my kids, my family, my life!That's why I'm wary of Pedro, and why I say I'll never kill my children.

But Pedro didn't mean that, and the choices I had to make didn't include abortion. You don't have to have an abortion, Pedro said, but at least we have to take a sample of the amniotic fluid first. We have to do this procedure. I think you can understand.We have to do many other tests, and now there are many tests with almost zero risk, through which the defects and difficulties of the fetus can be analyzed.Is that right, Amanda? Amanda nodded.Pedro continued: We should take advantage of this opportunity, I mean, at your age, this opportunity should be taken advantage of. I thought to myself, we?What us?All I thought of us was Johannes and me.But I didn't say anything, I didn't want Pedro or even Amanda to think I was mentally unstable.

Then Pedro got to the point, and she spoke quickly, as if trying to finish the sentence as soon as possible: You have two options. The first is to donate the fetus for transplantation, and the second is to carry the fetus to full-term, give birth to the child, and then be adopted.The latter is of course the safer option for the child, but the most painful for you, so please think carefully.No matter what choice you make, you can find out who adopted the child or who received the donation.If you wish, we can definitely let you know how the child is doing in that family. My jaw dropped and I thought: Is she an idiot?I sat up straight, cleared my throat, and said plainly:

You misunderstood me, I don't want to give this child away at all, this child is mine, it's me and Johannes, we are the parents of this child.The child will not be transplanted or adopted.I mean, we are no longer unwanted, are we?We have become needed. No, Dolly, your child is wanted at the best of times, but you are still unwanted, Johannes.Obie too Pedro paused, staring at me.All of a sudden, she looked terrified, which confused me.Is she afraid of me?I don't know.She took a deep breath and discussed the matter from another angle. Please understand, she said in a pleading tone: At your age, Dolly, do you think you can really be a mother? I don't think I would be less competent than other parents, age can certainly be an advantage, can't it?For life, I have a lot of experience and I am more aware of myself.I've played what I needed to do, and all the teenage madness and self-obsession is over.And I'm as strong as I am mentally, not so long ago they said I was as physically fit as I was twenty years old. It's not just about physical fitness.Pedro interrupted. I didn't say that again. Pedro's neck was flushed, but his face was very pale.She turned to Amanda, as if asking for help, but Amanda couldn't help.Amanda didn't help me either, she just pursed her lips and looked down at the papers on the desk.Pedro turned to look at me. First of all, she said: Human lifespan is limited. Over the past few centuries, the average human lifespan has increased, but it has remained stagnant in recent decades and has not increased any more. It seems that we have reached the upper limit of human natural lifespan, and the current methods of delaying aging Drugs are accompanied by high risks and cannot be approved for marketing.second I interrupt her.The kid will have a lot of time to grow up before Johannes and I leave the post of life. Amanda glanced up at me from the file, and Pedro started to speak, but I continued, speaking loudly: We may not live long enough to see our grandkids, but we definitely have time to be good parents, both of us.Although Johannes was thirteen years older than me, he still had the vitality of a thirty-year-old. By this time Pedro's face was as white as ivory, his lips were as thin as gray pink threads, and his neck was as red as if it had been poured with boiling water.To my eyes, Pedro's expression was a mixture of intense agitation and the panic of someone in authority who feels they are losing power.In other words, I thought I had the upper hand in this debate, and Pedro was losing control of my strong arguments and was about to collapse.She looked at Amanda again with a pleading expression, but Amanda averted her gaze again, looking down at the file.Pedro turned to look at me, swallowed, and answered me quietly and slowly, as if groping forward: But Dolly, did it ever occur to you that you were both old enough to be grandparents to this boy's friend?The child is likely to feel different, rejected, or even bullied.Besides, it is difficult for unwanted parents to be good role models for their children. There is no such thing as unwanted parents, Pedro, I say triumphantly: there is no such thing. Unneeded stamps will still be there.she says. What stamp?I have no marks on me, do you see any marks?I open my hands. You can't be a good example.Pedro said.Her face was still as white as paper, and she still spoke quietly, but her voice trembled slightly.you She seemed to respect me, no doubt about it, but she was definitely at a disadvantage.I leaned back in my chair and let her talk for a while.But once her words were not interrupted, her voice was less trembling and less tinny.She slowly regained her composure and returned to her usual manner of speaking: In any case, you will be a burden to the child, Dolly.You will be a shame to your children.This is real.Of course, you are very much to your credit for creating this child, and if you decide to conceive yourself, assuming it is full term, the glory goes to you.Of course you don't have to go through the whole labor process, we'll set a date for a C-section, you'll be under general anesthesia, you won't have to see or hear a thing.The Reserve Bank authorities will thank you in every way you can imagine.Simply put, you will get some benefits.But this is a very clear but we can't let you play the role of mother.Unfortunately, this is completely impossible.When JohannesObie's time has come She paused again, and this time I responded. What?As I said, I sat up slowly on the chair again.What happened to Johannes? Pedro could be seen to be quite nervous, or distressed?Still uneasy?She said in a breathless voice: He hasn't told you yet, has he? tell me what? She looked at me with dementia eyes, dementia and despair. This decision has been down for more than a week.she says. what decision?what are you talking about By this point, I should know what she was trying to say, and what she's been trying to say all along.I'm not stupid, I should know.Something is approaching you like a huge wave, and you know it's coming, but you can't catch anything because it's too overwhelming, too big, too overwhelming. Petra says: I'm really sorry to have to let you know in this situation, Dolly, but at this stage it may be too late for him She paused again. You woman, speak up for me!I yelled loudly. Yamada looked up from the file, glanced at Pedro, turned her head, and said to me: What Pedro wanted to say was that this afternoon Johannes.We are sorry that Obie was sent to donate his liver to a woodworker who has three young children and six grandchildren.