Chapter 41 five

Feifei kept herself as beautiful as usual, with slender and beautiful limbs, but when she was pushing the trolley in the library to change books on the shelves, her movements became slower and stiffer.I returned two films and a book, and saw her through the large glass window facing the square. For the past two weeks, I've stayed out of the house unless I had to, just to be with my mind and my growing belly.Now my belly is so obvious it can't be hidden anymore, even with the loosest, heaviest clothing, but it's not big enough to be 100% sure I'm pregnant just by putting it on.At least I think so.I walked into the library, Feifei saw me, stopped abruptly and said:

Wow!I mean: Hi!Long time no see you, Dolly. She left a cartful of books between two bookshelves, and staggered towards me at the counter. She had lost her head of thick, lustrous hair and now always tied a handkerchief around her head, making her cheeks look smaller, her eyes and mouth larger, and her whole body appear naked and vulnerable. How are you doing?I asked in a whisper. fine.she says. What about Aisha? Not bad, much better than before. I put the film and book on the counter, and was about to ask Feifei to tell Aisha for me, when Feifei said: What's the matter with you?Neither met, nor did she mention you.Whenever I ask about you, she changes the subject.what is going on?

Did she not tell you? No, I said it, she didn't mention anything. Here's the thing: Aisha didn't mention our conversations and arguments to Feifei, didn't tell Feifei that I was pregnant. Are you kidding me!After hearing what I said, Feifei said loudly. Then she laughed.I always thought you started comforting yourself with food; or that you participated in some kind of experiment that made people fat, or that you had to eat a lot of candy or cookies and not exercise, these researchers always It's a bunch of stupid ideas.As a result you She paused and said: But how did this happen?I mean, how is that possible?Have you received hormone therapy?Or transplanted fertilized eggs?

Why should I do this? Of course I'm not saying you did it voluntarily, she said: But they might do something to you while you're under anesthesia, can't they? But since the kidney donation, I said: I have not been anesthetized, and that was a long time ago, only an elephant can be pregnant for that long. So, she said: Well, maybe you conceived naturally. I think so.I said. I was tired and Feifei looked a little nervous, so I was going to leave.Then she said in her usual warm and serious tone: So it's Johannes? I nod. Does he know?before his that? almost. Feifei looked at me with sympathy, which was too much for me to bear, so I looked away and swallowed.Then she opened her slender arms, pulled me over to hug me, and stroked my back.She was about as tall as Johannes, and the top of my head touched her chin.I close my eyes and let myself be surrounded by her, resting my cheek on her chest.Her smell reminds me of honey and fields of canola flowers in full bloom.I thought of York, and my shabby house, and the fields and meadows around it.I think of early summer in Channon, the breeze, the sound of tractors, thrushes, nightingales, crows, neighbor children playing, stacks of firewood to dry, clotheslines stretched between apple trees, hanging Clothes fluttered in the wind.I see one of my blue-painted patio furniture with Johannes scratching behind York's ear sitting on one of the chairs, and I walk up to them with a tray of coffee and biscuits.I saw the sight as if it were really a memory.I didn't cry, but my legs were weak, and my throat seemed to be torn open, as if I had just cried.

Feifei helped me to the chair behind the counter, let me sit down, brought me a glass of water, pulled a chair for herself, sat beside me, and stretched out her arms to hug me.I drank some water.We just sat at the counter like this until a borrower came and needed Feifei's assistance.