Chapter 6 chapter Five

Half an hour later, Emma spoke eloquently.By then the plane had climbed to 37,000 feet and was flying over some wilderness in Pennsylvania or Ohio, and she kept talking all the way until it reached Albuquerque.When the plane landed, she stopped for a while, and then we got in the car and drove to Mengtu Town for two and a half hours, and she continued to narrate the whole process along the way.From noon to dusk, from dusk to dark, we traveled through many desert roads.As far as I can remember, Emma kept talking like that until the car drove to the gate of the manor, but it was still too late to finish.She talked for almost seven full hours, but there was still not enough time to tell all the past events one by one.

She narrated the process of her early years in a rather chaotic way, referring to the past and jumping to recent events, and interspersed with the current situation from time to time; it took me a lot of work to sort out the order of each link.She said she had written it all in the book, all the details, all the important events; so there was no need to repeat the bits and pieces of details before Hayter's disappearance. What she meant was: Anyway, I could use the next few days and weeks. Read her manuscript carefully, don't rush to study it that afternoon.What mattered most was the history of Hayter's obliged disappearance, and his later experience of hiding his name in the desert, directing and directing unknown films.It is for those films that I am now following her all the way to New Mexico; even the one thing that should have interested me: the fact that Hayter was born on a Dutch steamer sailing the Atlantic, Her real name was Chaim Mandelberg, which seemed insignificant by comparison.Even when I learned that he had lost his mother when he was twelve, and that his father (a cabinetmaker with no interest in politics) had been killed by a group of anti-Semitic rebels during the Buenos Aires Week of Misery in 1919. The Bolshevik thugs beat them up and almost died, and they didn't care about the details.This incident led to Haite's defection to the United States, but his father had repeatedly urged him to leave Argentina as soon as possible. The deteriorating domestic situation only accelerated his determination to take action.After arriving in New York, he changed to more than 20 different jobs. It is not necessary to list them one by one, and there is no need to elaborate on his various experiences after he arrived in Hollywood in 1925.I am familiar with him as an extra, a builder, and a walk-on in several long-lost and long-forgotten films when he first entered the industry; There is no need to repeat.Emma said: That unpleasant experience made Height tired of the film industry, but he was unwilling to give up. Before the night of January 14, 1929, he always believed that he would never leave California for the rest of his life.

A year before his disappearance, Hite was interviewed by Brigitte O'Fallon, a reporter from the film magazine "Skills" at his residence on North Orange Road.She came to the appointment at three o'clock on Sunday afternoon, and before five o'clock, the two of them had already hugged each other and rolled on the carpet, inseparable and passionate.Emma said: Height has always been very good at women. It is taken for granted that this is by no means the first time he has used his masculine charm and quickly captured her heart.Bridget was only twenty-three years old, a talented girl from a Spokane Catholic family. After graduating from Smith College, she returned to the West Coast and planned to try her hand at journalism; She is an alumnus of Smith, so she used her school contacts to obtain the yearbook of the graduating class of 1926.Emma said: Judging from her headshots, Bridget looks ugly; her eyes are too close together, her chin is too wide, and she has short hair that doesn't match the shape of her face.However, her appearance is still pleasing, her eyes are playful and funny, and although her face is not beautiful, she has a smart look.In the commemorative book, there is a photo of the drama club rehearsing the storm, which captures Bridget’s performance. She plays Miranda in a white gown and a small white flower in her hair. Emma said her posture is very beautiful, faintly exuding The light, full of life and energy, opened its mouth slightly and stretched out an arm, as if reciting a certain line impassionedly.The interview report written by Bridget is quite in the style of the time; her writing is sharp and powerful, and she is very good at embellishing the article with witty remarks and amusing rhetoric, which makes her rapidly climb the status in the agency.The Hayter interview was the only exception; it showed a more genuine and overt admiration for the subject than anything else Emma had read about her.However, the part that mentions Haight's strong foreign accent is a bit exaggerated.Bridget adds a little bit of embellishment for comic effect, but that's exactly what Hite's accent was at the time.His English pronunciation has improved considerably over the years, but in the 1920s he still had the accent of an immigrant off a ship.Although he has gained a firm foothold in Hollywood, not long ago, he was a stupid boy who crossed the ocean with a pitifully rags and stood on the pier without knowing what to do.

For several months after that interview, Height continued to circle a cast of young and beautiful female stars.He is never afraid of one after another of scandals and even enjoys them. He likes to flirt around, but no relationship can last for a long time.Bridget was the smartest woman he'd ever known, and whenever Hayter got tired of a Pillowman again, he would always come back to Bridget and ask for a new relationship.From February to the end of June of that year, he visited her apartment about once or twice a week; there was a period, especially in April and May, when they spent the night together every two or three days.Needless to say, Hayter took a liking to her.They have only been together for a few months, and the two of them get along very well and are like glue. However, Bridget, who has no experience in the world, thinks that she has found the true love of her life, but Height believes that the two are just close friends from the beginning to the end. That's all.He has always regarded her as a kindred spirit, a close bed partner, a solid ally, and it has never occurred to him to marry her.

Bridget is a reporter, so she must know what Height was doing when she wasn't in bed with her; as soon as he opened the newspaper in the morning, he could read all the deeds he had done the previous day, and smell all kinds of stories about his recent travels. Gossip news about playing around and hugging left and right.Even if most of the reports and rumors were found to be false, logically speaking, there should be enough signs to make her jealous.But Bridget wasn't jealous at all, or it might be because she tried her best to restrain herself and deliberately not to explode in front of him.Whenever Hayter came, she always received him with an open heart.He never asked about his relationship with other women, and just because she never blamed him, never scolded him, and never forced him to correct himself, Height naturally grew fonder of her day by day.It was all Bridget's plan, really; she was so committed to him that she decided to wait patiently for him to come back, instead of rushing him into a hasty, life-long commitment.There are always times when the days of drunkenness, dreaming and sensuality are always tiresome, and she firmly believes that one day he will get tired of that way of life, and he will eventually turn his back on his way and turn to the light.When the time comes, she will still be by his side.

For a while, Bridget seemed sure of winning, thanks to the ingenuity of the clear-headed Bridget.At that time, Haight was having a hard time with Hunter, and he had to rush to shoot a new film every month, which made him physically and mentally exhausted. He became less and less interested in hanging out in hotels and nightclubs, and less and less looking around have fun.Bridget's apartment thus became his safe haven, where he could spend peaceful nights, soothed both physically and mentally.Bridget has always had sharp and unique insights, and because she is more familiar with the ecology of the film industry, Hite has come to trust her judgment more and more.In fact, she was the one who suggested that Haight find Dorothy St. John to play the role of the sheriff's daughter in the master's family.Bridget has spent weeks poring over Dorothy's performances, and she believes the 21-year-old actress has potential to succeed Mabel Normand, Gloria Swanson, Norma After Ta Maji, he became another dazzling superstar in the film industry.

Hayter followed her advice.Three days later, before Dorothy came to Haight's office for an appointment, he had seen some of the films she had starred in, and it was decided that she would star in the new film.Bridget was right that Dorothy was extraordinary; but it had nothing to do with Bridget's opinion, nor with Dorothy on the screen, but seeing her in person was what made the difference.Watching someone act in a silent film is a very different thing from actually holding hands and seeing them in person.Other actresses may be more glamorous and moving on the big screen, but in the real world with sound and color, full of five senses and four images, and complementary yin and yang, Hite thinks she is simply incomparable.It wasn't because of her extraordinary beauty, or the fact that she was so eloquent and witty in the short twenty-five minutes she spent with Hayter that afternoon.To put it bluntly, she is actually a bit stupid and has no brains, but she has a wildness in her whole body, and she exudes vigor and vitality, which is fully revealed in her gestures, making him unable to help but look at her tightly.When she looked at him, her eyes were the palest blue of Siberian quartz; her fair skin; her wine-red hair, unfathomably deep, almost mahogany.She was very different from most American women in June 1928. She had long hair and shawls.They chatted for a while, and then Hayter came out of the blue and told her that if she nodded, the role would be hers.She said she had never done an action comedy before and was looking forward to this new challenge; then she got up, shook his hand, and left his office.Ten minutes later, her image was deeply imprinted in Hayter's heart, and he made up his mind to marry this woman; Dorothy St. John was the woman he had dreamed of all his life, and even if she refused to marry him, he would never marry her. Do not marry another man.

She is very proficient in the home of the master, not only fulfilling Hayter's request 100%, and even contributing some ideas, but when he proposed to renew her contract for the next film, she declined.Ellen Dawn has invited her to play a key role in a new film, and she cannot turn down this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity no matter what.Even Hayter, who has always been clever with women, was at a loss for a while; he couldn't express his feelings for her smoothly in English, and whenever he wanted to confide in her, he always swallowed it back at the last moment.He felt that once he failed to convey his meaning, he would definitely scare the other party away, and it would be irreversible.At the same time, he still maintained the habit of spending the night at Bridget's place several days a week, because Hayter had never made any promises to her, and because he always loved whoever he wanted, he never mentioned Dorothy. thing.At the end of June, when the show was finished, Dorothy moved to the Tehachapi Mountains and spent four weeks shooting Dawn's new film; during that time Hayter wrote her a total of sixty-seven letters.All the things I couldn't say to her face to face, I finally mustered up the courage to put them into words.He kept saying it and saying it differently each time, but the meaning was always the same.At first, Dorothy felt in a dilemma; then she felt flattered; then she became eagerly looking forward to his letter, and finally couldn't extricate herself from it.When she returned to Los Angeles in early August, she gave Hayter an affirmative answer; yes, she fell in love with him; yes, she would marry him.

Although no wedding date has been set, they plan to enter the auditorium in January or February of the following year and wait for Height to fulfill his film contract with Hunter before making arrangements for the next step.By now, it was no longer possible to hide from Bridget, but he kept procrastinating, never finding the right time to confess to her.He reasoned that he was busy with Jule and Anzu all day long, filming, editing, and location scouting, and sometimes he felt unwell and so on.During the period from early August to mid-October, he repeatedly used various excuses to excuse himself for frequently breaking appointments, but he refused to simply tell the truth.Even at the height of his love affair with Dorothy, he still went to see Bridget once or twice a week, and every time he walked through the door of her apartment, he relapsed and kept withdrawing.Of course others can blame him for being cowardly and irresponsible, but he is likely to be in extremely painful torment.Maybe he wasn't so sure about marrying Dorothy; maybe he didn't want to break up with Bridget just yet; maybe he needed both women at the same time and had to let himself swing and pull between them.Guilt often makes men do wrong things, and desire can lead to the same effect; once there is both guilt and desire in the heart, it is even more inevitable to do all kinds of absurd things.

Bridget still didn't suspect him.When Haight finalized the role of Dorothy as his wife in Nobody Found in mid-September, she also applauded the decision.Despite the rumors that Hite and the heroine had a close relationship on the set, Bridget still didn't take it seriously.Haite has always liked to flirt with the girls around him, and he is always involved with the female stars he co-stars with; but as soon as the film is finished and the song is over, he will immediately forget it completely.This time around, however, the rumors didn't end there; Hayter was already working on his last film in Kaleidoscope, Double or Lose It All, and Fury flashed words in his column, alluding to a certain long-haired beauty in the film industry and Her pistachio beard hunk is near.It was mid-October, and after Bridget hadn't heard from Height for five or six days, she called the editing room and asked him to see her that night.It was the first time she'd ever made that kind of request from him, and Height canceled his dinner date with Dorothy, went to Bridget's apartment, and finally told the truth to the questioning he'd evaded for two months.

Haight secretly hoped that they could break up quickly. He thought that the other party would throw a tantrum and kick him out of the door on the spot, and they would part ways from then on, but Bridget just stared at him, took a deep breath after listening, She said it was impossible for him to fall in love with Dorothy; it made no sense at all, since it was her he really loved.Hayter said that he did love her very much, and his love for her would never change, but he was determined to marry Dorothy.That's when Bridget started to cry, but she still didn't blame him for changing his mind, didn't feel sorry for herself, didn't get angry and scolded him for giving up.She said that he was only deceived for a while, and once he understood that she was the only one who loved him the most, he would change his mind.She said that Dorothy was only a thing, not to be regarded as a person; she was only a beautiful and charming thing on the outside, but under the surface was coarse, shallow, and stupid; she was not worthy to be his wife.Heit should have said something at that time, he should have taken the opportunity to say a few harsh words to her, to teach her to give up her heart completely, but Bridget seemed so tragic, so devoted, he really couldn't say it, he could only listen to her sobbing silently. Swallow and speak softly.He said: You are right, my marriage with her may not last for a year or two, but I just want to marry her now.I must marry her, let me fulfill my wish, and everything else will be all right. He ended up having sex with Bridget anyway.It wasn't for the sake of restoring the old relationship, but because she couldn't refuse her begging him to stay for the last time.The next morning, he sneaked away before she woke up, and from that moment on, everything started to go wrong.The contract with Hunter is terminated; he's instead teaming up with Jules on Blockbuster; a marriage is taking shape.For the next two and a half months he heard nothing from Bridget at all.Although he felt faintly uneasy in his heart, he was completely focused on Dorothy at that time, and he had no time to care about him at all.If Bridget walked away, it was only because she kept her word and her self-esteem was too strong to want to be his bondage.Now that he had made it so clear, she decided to step aside and leave him to his own devices; if he was doing well, the two might never see each other again.If he were to be lost forever, she might show up suddenly at the last moment, lending a helping hand to save him. Think of Bridget as a saint, even if she is stabbed a few times, she will not feel pain; even if she is covered with cuts and bruises, she will not bleed a drop of blood.This wishful thinking must have made Hayter feel much better about his conscience.Anyway, I didn't hear any trouble, so why bother?He would rather believe that the other party is living a good life now, and has regained his strength and started his own life.Although he noted that her work was no longer in the magazine, it was probably because she no longer worked there, most likely moved to another place and took another job; situation.It wasn't until she brought news again (a letter had been slipped through his door that New Year's Eve) that Hayter realized how badly he had been deluding himself along the way.When he left her in October, she committed suicide by slitting her wrists in the bathtub two days later.Because the water flooded out and overflowed the floor and seeped downstairs, the landlord noticed something strange and rushed in and found Bridget who was dying at the last moment.The ambulance rushed her to the hospital, and after two days of rescue, she finally recovered her life; but the broken heart was irreparable, she spoke incoherently all day long, and shed tears day after day, and the hospital diagnosed her as having to stay in the hospital observe.So she spent two months in a mental hospital.Originally, she had planned to spend the rest of her life in it, but anyway, her sole purpose of living was to find ways to end herself, no matter where she lived, it made no difference.Just when she was about to find another shortcoming, a miracle happened; or it should be said, she discovered that the miracle had happened long ago, and she lived in it for the past two months without knowing it.Later, the doctor confirmed that it was true, and it was not from her delusions, so she no longer wanted to die.She went on to write that she had been estranged from her faith for years and hadn't confessed in church since graduating high school, but that morning when the nurse told her the test results, she felt God blowing breath into her mouth and rekindled her The will to live.It happened that autumn, on their last night together, that she was pregnant with Haight's flesh and blood. After she left the hospital, she returned the rented apartment.Although she still has a small savings, she can't pay the rent if she doesn't continue to work, but she has quit her job at the magazine and can't go back.She found another place now, in a hotel room with iron frame beds, wooden crosses on the walls, and a colony of rats under the floor, but she didn't want to tell him the name of the hotel or where it was.Even if he tried to find her whereabouts, it would be futile; she had checked in under a false name, and she wanted to hide and give birth alone, without giving him a chance to persuade her to take the baby.She had made up her mind to bear the child, and she was destined to be his child's mother, whether Hayter would marry her or not.The end of the letter is: My love, God arranges that we will never be separated, no matter where I go, you are always by my side. Then the audio was cut off for a while.For two full weeks, Bridget kept her word and disappeared without a trace.Hayter didn't tell Dorothy that he'd heard from Bridget, but he knew that their plans for a wedding were probably doomed.He can't plan a new life with the new couple while still thinking about the old lover, just imagine that the pregnant Bridget lives in a dilapidated corner, while his flesh and blood are slowly growing up in her belly , He also followed step by step on the verge of madness.Although he is unwilling to break up with Dorothy, and he is unwilling to give up the dream of sleeping tenderly with her every night and feeling her soft and fragrant carcass against him, as a man, he must take responsibility for his actions. A child is destined to be born, and he cannot escape what he has done.Hunter committed suicide on January 11, but Haight had long since ignored him, and when he heard the news the next day, his mood did not fluctuate at all.The past was irrelevant; what mattered more to him was the future, and his future suddenly became uncertain.The marriage with Dorothy must be terminated, but Bridget must be found first, because he doesn't know where to find Bridget, and Height is completely helpless, so he can only freeze in place, in a dilemma.As the days passed, he felt more and more as if his feet were firmly nailed to the ground. On the night of January 14th, he and Jules worked until seven o'clock.Dorothy was waiting for him at eight o'clock at the Topanga Valley house for dinner.Haight should have arrived long ago, but the blue De Soto broke down on the way, and it was a full quarter of an hour before he put on new tires on the car.If the car hadn't had a flat tire that night, perhaps the event that changed his life completely would not have occurred; when he parked the car in the dark on the shoulder of the Rasi Nirungi Avenue, bent over and took off the front wheel. At that time, Bridget was knocking on the door of Dorothy's residence. At the same time, when he finally got it done and started driving again, Dorothy accidentally fired a shot, and a .32 caliber bullet had already entered Bridget. left eye. But that was Dorothy's version; and Hayter had no reason to suspect a lie in the horror and horror of her face when she answered the door.She said she thought there were no bullets in the gun; when she moved into the Valley Villa three months ago, her agent was worried that she would live alone in the single-family compound, so she specially gave her a pistol.Originally, she just wanted to scare the other party, but Bridget babbled at her, telling her that she was pregnant with Height's flesh and blood, showing her wrist full of cuts, and mentioning a lot of madhouses, strict fences, The blood of Christ's wounds, etc.; and Dorothy, who grew frightened as she listened, told her to go away.But Bridget would not go without saying anything, and in a short while she was cursing Dorothy for taking her man away, threatening her with cruel words, and calling her a wicked woman, a slut, and a vile slut.Just six months ago, Bridget was still a friendly reporter sent by "Knowledge" with a pleasant smile and a high sense of humor when she came to the door, but now she seems to have become a crazy woman, very scary, and suddenly filled the room Walking wildly, sobbing violently for a while; Dorothy was anxious to drive her away, so she remembered the pistol.The gun was in the center drawer of the living room desk, not a few steps from where she was standing, so she rushed to the desk and opened the drawer.She didn't mean to shoot her; she thought that just showing the pistol would scare Bridget and teach him to retreat.But when she took the gun out of the drawer and aimed it across the room, the pistol went off.She said: "There was no loud bang, just a small pop, and Bridget let out a strange grunt in her throat, and then fell to the ground. Dorothy refused to follow Hayter back into the drawing-room (she said: it was too dreadful to look at her), so he went in alone.Bridget fell face down on the rug in front of the sofa; her body was still warm, and blood was still bubbling from the back of her head.Hayter turned her over, and when he saw her unrecognizable face, the empty socket of her left eye, he stopped breathing on the spot.He couldn't watch her breathe at the same time, in order to breathe, he had to turn his face away first; then once turned away, he couldn't turn his head to look at her again.All is lost; all is irreparable.The child in her stomach also died.At last he got up and went to the entrance hall, found a blanket in the cupboard; when he got back to the living room, he cast a last look at her, felt another moment of suffocation, and then shook the blanket back over her small, miserable form. He had had an impulse to call the police, but Dorothy was shaking with fright.She said: What if the police repeatedly questioned how the pistol came from; What should I do on the living room floor?Even if the police believed her story, even if they were willing to accept that the pistol had indeed gone off by accident, it would still make her unreliable; not only would her acting career be ruined, so would Hayter's; You didn't do anything wrong, why should you suffer those crimes?She suggested asking Raj to deal with the aftermath. She meant her manager Raj Nundaus, the idiot who gave her the gun. She said, leave it to Raj; Raj is smart and has a lot of knowledge; If Regis did what he said, he would definitely find a way to get them out safely. But Hite knew that he was doomed long ago.It would be ruined and condemned if it was told, and worse if it was hidden; they could be prosecuted for murder, and when the case came to court, no one would believe Bridget Died by accident.It was a dead end anyway, and Hayter had to decide what to do; he had to decide for both of them, and either way it would be wrong.He said to Dorothy: Never look for Regis; if this handle falls into his hands, she will become his pocket; in the days to come, he can only let him get what he wants.You can't find a third party; either call the police immediately, or keep your mouth shut forever.If they don't find a third party, they will have to dispose of the corpse by themselves. Hayter knew that if he said those words, he was doomed to hell, and that he could no longer be with Dorothy, but he said them anyway, and followed them step by step.In that case, it is no longer a question of good and evil, but rather how to minimize further harm, how to stop ruining another person's life for no reason.They drove Bridget's body in Dorothy's Chrysler sedan to the mountains about an hour's drive north of Malibu.The blanket was still covered on the body in the rear luggage compartment, and the carpet was directly rolled up and tied up, and a soil shovel was placed in the rear luggage compartment.Hatter had found it in the garden tool shed at the back of Dorothy's house, for digging.At any rate, he should at least have done something for Dorothy; after all, he had been keeping her secret, and Dorothy had never suspected him the whole time.It didn't help that Bridget told her a whole bunch of things; she just thought she was a crazy woman who couldn't make love, came to her house for no reason, and talked nonsense; would like to believe.Of course, Dorothy may be driven by vanity, so vain that she only looks at what she wants to see, but it may also be out of true love for Height, regardless of everything; and Height can't imagine that she is about to lose that true love.Needless to say, he never knew why.That night, after they finished taking care of the matter on the mountain, Height drove his own car back to his residence and never looked for her again. Then he disappeared.Except for the clothes he was wearing and the cash in his wallet, he took nothing with him; at ten o'clock the next morning, he had already boarded the Northbound train bound for Seattle.He believes that he will never escape for too long.As long as someone reported the disappearance of Bridget, someone would immediately discover the connection between the two disappearances.The police will ask him for questioning, and if they can't find him, they will launch an intensive search immediately.But, just as he had been wrong about everything before, Hayter was wrong again.Only he was missing, and no one knew Bridget was missing from the beginning to the end.She had neither a job nor a fixed residence, and since that week at the beginning of 1929, she did not return to her room at the Fitzwilliam Hotel in downtown Los Angeles for several days in a row, and the counter staff moved her things to the hotel. The basement, vacate the room and continue to rent it to others.At that time, it was a common thing; people came and went, no one could tell, and if money was not earned, it was not profitable, and there was no reason to keep empty rooms and not rent them out.Even if the hotel desk clerk felt something was wrong and ran to report the crime, the police couldn't help; Bridget registered the apartment under a false name, and since there was no such person, where would he find it?It was two months before Bridget's father called the police from Spokane to Los Angeles, where an officer named Reynolds, who followed the case until his retirement in 1936, took over.It took another twenty-four years for Bridget's remains to be unearthed; forklifts unearthed the pile of bones at a residential development site near Simi Hills; The files of the case have long been submerged in the mountains of files, so it is naturally impossible to find out who the bones belong to. The reason why Emma knew about the bones was because she worked hard to investigate.She listened to what Height told her about the location of the burial, and in the early 1980s, she personally visited the site of the construction project and asked a lot of relevant personnel to confirm that the batch of bones had indeed been excavated that year. At that time, Dorothy had also been dead for many years.After Hite's whereabouts became a mystery, she returned to her hometown in Wichita, announcing to the media that she would quit the showbiz and would no longer appear in public.A year and a half later, she married a local man named George. T．Rich lord of Brinkerhof; they had two children: Willa and George Jr.In November 1934, while driving home one rainy night, Dorothy lost control of her car and hit a utility pole; the impact was so strong that she flew out of the windshield and severed her carotid artery on the spot.According to the police autopsy, she bled to death on the spot.Her older child was not yet three years old at the time. Two years later, Brinkerhoff remarried.Emma wrote to him in 1983, wishing to ask him a few things in person, but his wife wrote back that Brinkerhoff had died of kidney failure the previous year; however, his two children Both are still alive, and Emma also went to meet them, one in Dallas, Texas, and one in Orlando, Florida.Neither of them could tell why, after all, they were both very young back then.They recognized the mother in the photograph, but they had no impression of her in person. On January 15th of that year, Haight had shaved off his beard before he stepped into Grand Central Terminal early in the morning.Removing the most obvious features of his face is enough to disguise, and a simple removal procedure can change his appearance.For those familiar with his films, those eyes, paired with those eyebrows, the forehead, and the docilely combed hair, are somewhat underwhelming, but once the ticket is bought, Haight soon discovers another deceitful Method.Emma said: "He found his new name by accident. The 9:21 shuttle to Seattle had another hour to wait.Hayter decided to have a cup of coffee in the station restaurant to kill the waiting time, but he had just sat down at the bar when he smelled bacon and eggs frying in a frying pan and suddenly felt sick.He hurried into the men's room, locked himself in one of the cubicles, knelt on the ground, and vomited endlessly into the toilet.As if to pull everything out of the stomach: disgusting green juice, miscellaneous undigested food residues, together with remorse, fear and disgust, all poured out of the stomach with tremors; After he calmed down, he collapsed to the ground as soon as his body went limp, choking and gasping for breath, unable to move for a long time.His head was in the corner, and from that position he could see something that he would never notice from an ordinary height.Someone dropped a hat and got stuck in a bend in the pipe behind the toilet.Hayter reached up and pulled it out from the corner, and it turned out to be a workman's hat, a stoutly sewn tweed beanie like the one he had worn when he first came to America.Hatter turned the hat over, first to make sure there was nothing in it; then he found that it was not too dirty, and seemed to be the right size.Then I saw the owner's name written on the inside of the belt along the back of the hat: Herman Loesser.Hayter felt it was a good name, it was too good to be true, and it couldn't have been a better name.right?He was originally Mr. Mann (Herr Mann, Herr means Mr. in German); once he changed his name to Herman, he could change his identity without completely obliterating his original name.In fact, the real point is: completely cover yourself in front of everyone, but at the same time remember who you are.All because he didn't want to change his name from the bottom of his heart. The surname Loesser is pronounced by some as lesser (lesser) or as loser (coward) by some, and Hayter thinks he deserves it no matter which one it is. The hat fit just right; it was neither too loose nor too tight, and when it was put on, the brim was lowered just enough to cover his forehead, making the arc of his eyebrows unrecognizable and concealing His sharp and clear eyes.First some were cut out, then some were added; Hayter shaved off his beard, then he put on his hat.Just two steps, and the whole person was wiped out; that morning, when he walked out of the men's room, he looked like an ordinary person, he became the protagonist of everyone, and no one looked at him. He stayed in Seattle for six months, then went south to Portland for a year, then went north again to Washington State, where he stayed until the spring of 1931.At the beginning, he was always afraid of moving around because of fear.He thought at the time that he would be on the run for life; in the days after his disappearance, he was as anxious as any criminal: if he could get away with it for a day, he felt that he had earned another day.每天早晨、傍晚，他總會在報上尋找自己的新聞、緊盯著案情發展，打算藉此探知警方何時會找到他的下落。可是報上寫的往往教他愈看愈糊塗，他很心寒沒人肯花力氣認識他；反而總圍繞在最無關緊要的杭特身上，幾乎每篇報導都頻頻提到他：不法炒股、內線交易、買空賣空，徒有光鮮外表、內裡不堪聞問的好萊塢演藝圈等等。布莉姬的名字從來沒上過報；要不是桃樂絲宣布退隱、回到堪薩斯州，大家也根本懶得理她。日復一日，心理壓力逐漸解除，一連四個星期毫無新進展、報上消息慢慢退潮，他漸漸卸下心防。根本沒人懷疑他有嫌疑；他大可馬上打道回府；只要隨時跳上一輛開往洛杉磯的火車，就可以繼續過他原來的人生。 可是海特沒那麼做。他心中極渴望能夠回到北橙道家裡，與朱爾一起坐在前廊，一邊啜飲冰紅茶，一邊給擋點瑯腳本作最後潤飾。拍電影就像一場驚險刺激的人生；儘管十分辛苦、艱鉅，可是他覺得愈困難愈令人雀躍。他不斷學習拍電影的祕訣，也慢慢掌握其中竅門，假以時日，他確信自己一定會成為個中好手。那是他唯一的志願：專精那一門藝術。他從頭到尾只想做那件事，所以，那也成了他絕不容許自己再碰的事情。怎麼可以把一個無辜女孩逼瘋？怎麼可以讓她懷孕？怎麼可以把她埋在地底下，然後回去過自己原來的人生？一個人要是犯下那些過錯，就該接受懲罰；既然世人不懲罰他，那麼，他就懲罰自己。 他在派克商店街附近找到一家民宿，租了一個房間，等到身上的錢花光了，就近在魚市場找份工作。每天清晨四點起床、趁著天色未亮卸貨、一箱一簍地賣力搬運，任憑普吉灣濕冷空氣凍僵手指、一路滲進全身筋骨。然後，趁抽根菸的工夫稍事休息後，繼續忙著把螃蟹、牡蠣鋪在碎冰塊上，接著便是每日例行的種種白晝勞務：扛牡蠣過磅、裝牛皮紙袋；用鋒利的短彎刀撬開牡蠣殼。不幹活的時候，賀曼羅瑟會讀讀從圖書館借來的書、寫寫日記，若沒必要絕不開口跟人說話。艾瑪說：其用意，就是盡可能讓自己過著艱苦、辛勞的日子，愈不舒適愈好。等工作愈上手、愈輕鬆，他就搬到波特蘭，在那兒的製桶廠找了個守夜的差事。從喧騰嘈雜的魚市，換成寂靜的沉思。艾瑪解釋：幹哪種工作並沒有一定；他贖罪的方式就是讓自己不停工作，至於自訂的懲罰項目，就看他那個時候覺得自己最缺什麼而定。如果渴望同伴、想要有女人在身邊，想要置身人群、熱鬧的環境，那麼，他就把自己封閉在空蕩蕩、靜悄悄的廠房裡頭，強迫自己學習壓抑、克制。 他住在波特蘭期間發生了股市大崩盤，康氏桶罐公司於一九三〇年代中期關廠歇業，海特也丟了差事。當時，他已讀了好幾百本書，從以前常聽人提及卻始終懶得拿起來讀的十九世紀大師（狄更斯、福樓拜、斯湯達爾、托爾斯泰等）的作品讀起，等他覺得自己能讀出其中堂奧，便回頭從零開始，決定進行自我教育。海特原本什麼都不懂，他十六歲輟學，此後沒人會跟他解釋蘇格拉底與索福克勒斯不是同一個人；也沒人告訴他喬治艾略特是女人、而《神曲》是一部講述死後世界的長詩，並不是什麼只應天上有、人間難得聞的樂曲。海特過去屢屢為生活奔波，根本沒有閒工夫想到那些事情。但現在，他突然擁有數不完的閒工夫。他得以利用那幾年幽禁歲月，學習一種新語言，用來思索他生存的理由，用來弄明白自身靈魂沉湎於無盡而劇烈痛楚的根源。根據艾瑪所言，海特透過這種嚴格的知性訓練，逐步讓自己脫胎換骨、重新作人。他學會以另一種角度審視自己，先將自己視為芸芸眾生之一，接著是一堆隨機組成的物質分子，最後則是風塵中的一丁點微粒艾瑪說：當他愈接近自我的原點，他就愈臻崇高境界。海特曾對她出示那段時期寫的日記，即使相隔五十年，艾瑪依然能透過第一手紀錄清楚感受他當時良心上的煎熬。她唸了一段給我聽：未曾像此刻一般，徹徹底底的迷失，徹徹底底的孤寂、畏懼然而，卻未曾像此刻一般，真真實實活著。那是他離開波特蘭前不到一個鐘頭內寫下的句子；接著，彷彿意猶未盡，他又在同一頁下方加上了另一段：如今我只與死者交談；我只相信已逝之人，也只有他們了解我。我與已逝之人一樣，皆屬沒有未來的人生。 聽說斯坡坎有活兒可幹；那裡的鋸木場好像在找人，東邊和北邊也有好幾個伐木區很缺人手。海特對那些工作沒有興趣，但是製桶工廠關門後不久，某天下午他無意間聽到兩個人聊到那邊有職缺，他腦中閃過一個念頭，等他靜下心仔細思索，更覺得非得將念頭化為實際行動不可。布莉姬歐法隆的老家就在斯坡坎；雖然母親死了，但是她父親還活著，家裡還有兩個妹妹。海特所能想像對自己施加最大的折磨、最劇烈的痛苦，就是親自走趟他們居住的城市。只要瞧一眼歐法隆先生和那兩名女孩，他就會知道他們的模樣，他們的臉孔就會深深烙在他心板上，他才不會忘記自己曾經對他們造成的巨大傷害。他活該接受這樣的懲罰；他有責任親身面對他們，讓自己實實在在記住他們，就像他實實在在記得布莉姬那樣。 派崔克歐法隆自小就以一頭紅燦燦的髮色著稱，他在斯坡坎鬧區大街上開設、經營紅毛體育用品行已經二十年了。海特抵達該地當天早上，先在火車站西邊隔兩個街口找了一家廉價旅社，預付當晚的過夜費，接著便上街尋找那家店；結果不到五分鐘就找到了。他沒有預先想好一旦找到之後要做些什麼，但為了保險起見，最好還是站在外頭，先透過櫥窗觀察一下歐法隆先生。海特不曉得布莉姬是否曾在家書中提過他；要是她提過，那他們就會知道他講話帶著濃濃的西班牙腔。更嚴重的是，他們可能會特別留意一九二九年他失蹤的新聞，加上布莉姬也失蹤近兩年了，他們或許是全美國唯一明白那兩樁失蹤案之間有所關聯的人。只要他開門走進店裡，張口說話；如果歐法隆先生曉得海特曼恩是什麼人，只消聽三四句話，他八成會立刻起疑。 但是他沒瞧見歐法隆先生。海特將鼻子貼近玻璃，一面假裝認真欣賞櫥窗裡展示的高爾夫球桿組，同時可以一清二楚看見店內動靜，可是一眼望過去，裡頭完全不見人影。沒半個顧客，櫃檯後頭也沒有店員。時間還很早才剛過十點鐘可是門上明明掛著營業中的牌子，海特臨時決定改變計畫：一直待在人來人往的大街，反而惹人目光，不如進去裡頭。他心想：要是身分當場被拆穿，也就認了吧。 海特拉開店門，門上發出一陣鈴鐺聲，他往櫃檯走去，腳上踩著木頭地板嘎吱作響。店面占地不大，不過貨架上的商品應有盡有，凡是熱愛戶外活動的人無不想擁有的東西：釣魚竿和捲線器、蛙鞋泳鏡、各式霰彈槍獵槍、網球拍、棒球手套、足球籃球、橄欖球護肩與頭盔、軟硬釘鞋、足球高爾夫球發球座、保齡球瓶、槓鈴、健身球一應俱全。沿著室內分列兩排等距間隔的柱子，每根柱子上都掛了相框，全是派崔克歐法隆年輕時的相片，每幀照片中他分別從事不同運動項目；其中一幀他穿著棒球制服，另一幀則穿著足球衣，其他多半穿著田徑運動汗衫、短褲在賽跑。其中一幀照片，相機捕捉到他全速奔馳、兩腳凌空離地、領先第二名對手足足兩碼。還有一幀他與一名穿燕尾服、戴高帽子的紳士握手，領取一九〇四年聖路易奧運銅牌。 海特一靠近櫃檯，一名年輕女子正好從店內房間走出來，一邊拿毛巾擦手。她低著頭，略略歪向一邊，儘管一時不大能看清楚她的臉，但從她走路的姿態、斜著肩膀的樣子、用毛巾擦拭手指的方式，海特覺得似乎看見布莉姬出現在眼前。有那麼幾秒鐘光景，就像過去那十九個月憑空消失；彷彿她死而復生、爬出他層層疊疊覆在她身上的土堆，來到他面前，毫髮無傷、生氣盎然；頭上的槍傷與眼睛上的窟窿全不見了，回到華盛頓州斯坡坎市、在她父親店裡頭幫忙。 那名女子愈走愈近，中途只停了一下，把毛巾擱在尚未開封的紙箱上，接下來教人吃驚的是：即使當她抬起頭、和他四目交接，那個幻覺仍未消失。她居然連長相都和布莉姬一樣；同樣的顎部、同樣的唇口，同樣的前額，甚至同樣的下巴。過了一會兒，她朝他微微笑了笑，居然連笑容也一模一樣。等她走到離他不到五呎，他才稍微看出兩人的差異。她滿臉雀斑，而布莉姬並沒有。她的眼珠子是暗沉的深綠色；而且兩隻眼睛分得更開、離鼻梁稍微遠一些，這個小小的不同之處讓她的五官更勻稱，也讓她看起來比姊姊多了幾分姿色。海特也報以微笑，等她站定在櫃檯前，用布莉姬的嗓音問他有何需要，海特已經不覺得自己會暈死過去不省人事了。 他說他來拜訪歐法隆先生，不曉得他在不在店裡。海特完全不掩飾自己的口音，講到先生時，字尾還拖著誇張的捲舌音；然後他略略靠近她，打量她臉上出現什麼反應。毫無異樣，或者應該說，對話照常進行，似乎沒有察覺任何不尋常；於是海特當下知道布莉姬不曾對家人透露他的事。她生長在天主教家庭，絕對不敢讓父親、妹妹們知道她和一個已同別的女人論及婚嫁的男人同床共枕，而這個男人還是猶太人，也不打算毀婚、改娶她。如果事情真如海特所料，那他們很可能還不曉得她懷了身孕；也不知道她曾經在浴缸裡割腕、曾經在療養院裡待了兩個月，一天到晚想盡辦法要一死了之。搞不好，她早在桃樂絲出現之前就已不再寫信回家，那時候她仍胸有成竹，篤定一切都在掌握之中，朝著既定方向發展。 海特當時心中千頭萬緒，思緒霎時千迴百轉；當櫃檯後的女子對他說她父親去加州料理一些事情，一整個星期都不會到店裡；海特隱隱曉得他去那兒料理什麼事情。紅毛歐法隆到洛杉磯是為了問警方有關他女兒失蹤案的進度；他去那兒催促他們加把勁，查辦一樁停滯了好幾個月的案子；要是他覺得警方成效不彰，他打算僱用私家偵探重新調查。他出發前很可能還對留在斯坡坎的女兒說：管他媽的要花多少錢，這事再不趕緊處理就來不及了。 那名留在斯坡坎的女兒對海特說：父親不在的這段時間，由她代班、顧店，如果海特願意留下姓名、聯絡電話，等父親星期五返家，她很樂意代為轉達；沒關係，海特說，星期五他再過來，接著，海特大概是想說幾句客套話，也可能是想給對方留下好印象，他問她是否獨自照顧一整間店；這間店的規模可不小，單單一個人似乎忙不過來呢。 她回答：本來應該要有三個人的，可是副店長那天早上請了病假，負責進貨上架的男孩上星期給解僱了，因為他偷拿店裡的棒球手套以半價兜售給附近的小孩。老實說，她正覺得有點兒頭昏腦脹；她已經好久好久沒來店裡幫忙了，都忘了怎麼分辨推桿與木桿，還得一連按錯好幾個鍵才能順利打開收銀臺，算錢、找錢簡直一團亂。 她非常友善且率直，似乎不假思索便將心裡的話全對他說；交談過程中，海特知道她過去四年曾離家在外，在她口中的州大（原來是位於普爾曼的華盛頓州立大學）研修、打算當老師。那年六月一畢業，她就返鄉與父親同住，即將到霍勒斯格里利小學接任四年級教師。她說她好意外自己運氣怎麼那麼好。她小時候就是唸那所學校，而且她和兩個姊姊上四年級時都被倪嘉德老師教過；倪老師在那兒教了四十二年書，她才一開始找工作，就聽說倪老師要退休，實在太不可思議了。再過不到六個星期，她就會站上自己小時候每天上課的同一間教室的講臺；她說：是不是很奇怪？人生的進展居然這麼奇妙。 海特說：真的，實在很奇妙，也實在很奇怪。他當下明白面前這位女子是諾菈，歐家三姊妹當中的老么；她不是十九歲就結婚離家、搬到舊金山的迪德莉。跟諾菈才短短相處三分鐘，海特確定她完全不像她死去的姊姊；兩人或許長得很像，但是她不像布莉姬那樣時時神經緊繃、處處表現精明，絲毫不像布莉姬那麼積極進取，也完全沒有布莉姬那種一觸即發且一針見血的急智；相較之下，她比較溫和、比較能讓身邊的人感覺自在，也比較純真爛漫。他想起布莉姬曾經說歐家三姊妹當中只有她體內流著真正的血液；她說：迪德莉渾身上下都是酒，而諾菈，則是不折不扣淌著熱牛奶；她還說：其實布莉姬這個名字應該留給諾菈用，只有她有資格以愛爾蘭偉人聖布莉姬為名，因為只有這個寶貝妹妹能夠終其一生無私奉獻、為善助人。 海特又一次想告辭閃人，卻又不忍離去。他臨時突發奇想，連他自己都不免吃驚，居然會產生如此瘋狂的衝動，居然會冒出這麼危險、極可能葬送自己的點子，更別提他居然還有膽子開口說出來。 一不作，二不休。他聳了聳肩，有點兒不好意思地對諾菈說：其實今天一早登門求見歐法隆先生，是專程來謀職的。他聽人家說這家店要找個管倉庫的，所以想來問問還缺不缺人。諾菈說，那就怪了，這件事前幾天才發生，還沒空刊登求職啟事呢；原本打算等她父親回來才要徵人。海特說：喔，外頭都傳開了呢。諾菈說：是嘛，或許還真的是那樣；可是，為什麼他想應徵這個工作呢？管倉庫淨是粗活兒，只適合給四肢發達頭腦簡單且胸無大志的人來幹；他應該去找個更好的差事才對呀。海特說：那倒未必，現在時局那麼不好，不管什麼差事，只要能掙到錢的都是好差事。何不試用看看？一個人照顧那麼大一家店，他看得出來她很需要人手幫忙。要是他表現得不差，或許她可以在她父親面前幫他說幾句好話。 歐法隆小姐怎麼回答？他們後來談成了嗎？ 抵達斯坡坎還不到一個鐘頭，賀曼羅瑟就找到新工作了。諾菈跟他握手，笑他如此開門見山，接著海特當場脫了外套（他所擁有的唯一值錢家當），馬上開始幹活。那天，他將自己化為一隻飛蛾，緊緊圍繞著滾燙、熾熱的燭火奮力鼓翅；明知雙翼隨時可能焚為灰燼，但唯有貼近火焰，才能夠感受自己逐步完成命運的付託。正如他當晚在日記本上寫下的那句話：如果我真想挽救自己的人生，就必須寸寸進逼直至瀕臨毀滅的邊緣。 儘管如此險阻重重，海特還是在那兒撐了將近一年；他從倉庫管理工幹起，然後擔任店員兼副店長，直接在歐法隆先生底下工作。諾菈說她父親的年紀是五十三歲，可是隔週一海特與她父親見面時，他覺得他比五十三歲老多了，看起來像是六十歲，甚至老得像一百歲；那位前運動健將髮色已不再那麼鮮豔，曾經柔軟矯健的體態亦不復健美有形，偶爾因為膝蓋關節的老毛病，走起路來還會一跛一跛的。歐法隆先生每天早上九點準時到店裡來，可是他顯然對工作意興闌珊，通常待不到十一點、十一點半就走了。若是當天那隻腳還聽使喚，他會開車到鄉村俱樂部，與三五好友揮幾桿高爾夫。要是腳不舒服，他就走到正對面的藍鐘小館，提早吃午飯；慢吞吞吃完午飯後，他就回家，整個下午待在臥房裡看報紙、喝點兒每個月從加拿大偷帶回來的尊美醇愛爾蘭威士忌。 他從不對海特品頭論足，也不會在工作上挑他毛病；也完全沒有誇獎。歐法隆表達滿意的方法就是什麼都不說，若是碰巧某一天心情特別好，他才會趁打照面時朝海特微微點個頭。有時一連好幾個月，他們幾乎沒有任何進一步接觸。剛開始海特以為兩人不對盤，不過日子一久，他慢慢學會不放在心上。歐法隆那個人就是那樣，悶葫蘆一個，永遠跟外界格格不入，每天悠哉游哉，過一天算一天。他從沒動過肝火，幾乎不笑；他為人超然公正而又疏離淡漠；有他不多、沒他不少，而且他對待自己也不見得比對待別人好多少。 相對於歐法隆對他漠不關心、不在乎的態度，諾菈則是全心全意接納海特。畢竟，當初是她僱用海特，後來不僅順理成章持續關注他，還把他當成自己的朋友、後進，更將他納入她人才改造計畫的對象。等她父親從洛杉磯回來之後，店員也康復、銷假上班，諾菈不必再到店裡當班。她忙著準備即將開始的新學期、忙著四處拜訪老同學、忙著吸引許多小伙子的目光，但那年夏天她總會努力擠出時間，趁晌午到紅毛商店晃一晃，看看海特的情況。他們雖然只一起工作了四天，卻已習慣每天中午半個鐘頭午休時間窩在儲物間裡一道吃起司三明治。於是她後來仍繼續帶著起司三明治跑來，兩人照樣趁那半小時促膝談書論文。對於海特這麼一個自修自學的人來說，等於是多了個學習機會；對於甫出校門、決心要在教育界奉獻一己心力的諾菈而言，則平白多了一個天資聰穎而又求知若渴的學生，供自己施展傳道授業的抱負。那年夏天海特正苦讀莎士比亞，諾菈則陪他一起研讀那些劇作，為他闡釋裡頭的疑難詞句，並擇要說明相關的歷史典故、劇場傳統，解析劇中角色的心理與動機。某次在庫房上課時，海特屢屢唸不好李爾王第三幕中某一句話，他對諾菈坦承他對自己的口音感到十分難為情；他說他實在學不來這麼要命的語言，每次在她或其他人面前說話，就覺得自己好笨好蠢。諾菈說什麼都不同意這種悲觀論調；她說她在州大修過口語治療課程，只要透過確實有效的矯正方法、按部就班的練習，再配合若干技巧，一定可以大幅改善。如果他有意接受挑戰，她承諾幫他解決發音問題，完全消除他的西班牙口音。海特忐忑地說他負擔不起那種課程的費用；諾菈回他：誰說要收錢啦？只要他肯下工夫，她就願意幫他。 九月開學後，走馬上任的四年級教師不再有空來共進午餐；她和她新收的學生改成晚上上課每個星期二與星期四，從七點上到九點，上課地點則移往歐法隆家的客廳。最令海特倍感艱辛的就是分辨短音ｉ與ｅ、要用牙齒咬舌的ｔｈ與舌頭不能碰到牙齒的ｒ；還有無聲母音、雙齒爆破音、唇變音、擦音、上顎閉合、音素、音位大部分時間，他根本聽不懂諾菈講什麼，不過練習倒是有點兒成效。他漸漸能運用舌頭發出以往無法發出的音，經過九個月努力不懈、反覆演練，別人已不大能從他的腔調聽出他的出身地了；儘管聽起來還是不像土生土長的美國人，但已不再是個初來乍到的外國鄉巴佬。跑到斯坡坎也許是海特人生錯誤的一步棋，但是細數他在那裡的遭遇，其中大概就屬諾菈的正音課對他未來奠下最深遠的影響。往後五十年他說出的每個字都是諾菈的功勞，當年的成果深深影響了他日後的人生。 每個星期二、星期四，歐法隆先生通常都待在二樓自己房間內，偶爾整晚不在家，去找朋友打牌。那年十月初的某一天，他們課上到一半，電話響了，諾菈走到玄關去接。她請接線生稍待片刻，然後，很緊張地高聲對她父親說史戴曼打電話來；她說，他人在洛杉磯，想讓受話方付費，該不該答應？歐法隆說他馬上下樓。諾菈掩上客廳與玄關之間的隔門，讓父親放心與對方通話，可是歐法隆當時已經有點兒醉了，講電話時嗓門很大，海特依稀聽到其中幾句；雖然聽不清楚全部內容，但也足夠讓兩人明白他們談的不是什麼好事。 十分鐘後，隔門拉開了，歐法隆搖搖晃晃踱進客廳，只見他腳上跟著一雙破舊的皮面拖鞋，褲頭吊帶鬆垮垮地垂落下來、拖掛在膝蓋兩側；他的領帶和領片全掉了，必須趕緊扶著胡桃木桌一角才不至於失足跌倒。接下來，他開始跟與海特並肩坐在客廳沙發上的諾菈講話；他沒注意到女兒的學生也在場，彷彿完全看不見海特似的。並不是歐法隆故意不理他，也不是假裝沒看見他，他只是沒留意到還有別人。至於海特，心知肚明他要講的那些話的敏感性，不敢當場起身告辭。 歐法隆先生說史戴曼打算撒手不幹了，他說這個案子已經查了好幾個月，查不出半點有力線索；他沒轍了。他不想再白拿錢了。 諾菈問父親怎麼回答對方，歐法隆說他告訴對方既然收他們的錢覺得不好意思，打電話來還叫受話方付費是什麼意思？還對史戴曼說他根本沒本事幹這一行；要是他不想幹，有得是別人可找。 諾菈說：爸，不行，不能再找別人；如果連史戴曼都找不到她的下落，那別人更找不到了；他是西岸最能幹的私家偵探。這是雷諾茲親口說的，而雷諾茲是他們可以信賴的人。 歐法隆說：去它的雷諾茲，去它的史戴曼；那些人只會信口開河，他可不打算就此罷手。 諾菈用力甩頭，兩眼盈滿了淚水。她說，該接受現實了；如果布莉姬還活著，早就寫信回來了；或是打電話回來，讓他們知道她現在人在哪裡。 歐法隆說，她有種跟家裡聯絡才怪。整整四年了，她連個隻字片語也沒有；她擺明就是不要這個家了，這才是他們該接受的現實。 諾菈說，她不是不要這個家，她是不要她這個父親。她在普爾曼唸書的時候，布莉姬曾私下寫信給她，大約每三四個星期就會收到一封。 可是歐法隆不想繼續聽下去；他不想再談了，要是諾菈不肯支持他，那麼就讓他自己處理，他不想多講廢話，也不想聽她廢話。歐法隆說完那幾句話之後，鬆手放開桌角，搖搖晃晃顛了幾下，好不容易站穩了，然後扭頭踉蹌走了出去。 海特根本不應該目睹這一幕；他只是個管理庫房的員工，既非他們的親朋好友，也沒有資格旁聽父女談論私密的家務事，更沒有必要留在屋子裡看著老闆酒後失態。假如當時諾菈開口請他離開，這件事情將就此了結。如果他當時既沒看見、也沒聽見這些，大家往後就大可絕口不提。她當時只要講一句話、隨便扯一個理由，海特就能名正言順起身、揮手告辭。可是，諾菈是個不會扯謊的女孩。歐法隆走掉之後，諾菈眼淚還在眼裡打轉，到了這步田地，既然家醜已經掀開了，何必再遮遮掩掩？ 她說，父親以前並不是這樣子的；她和兩個姊姊小時候，父親是完全不一樣的人，她現在都快不認得他、也愈來愈想不起他以前的樣子。昔日人稱西北部飛毛腿的紅毛歐法隆；戴瑪莉的先生派崔克歐法隆；還有爹地歐法隆，三個小女兒心目中最尊貴的國王。諾菈說：可是，想想過去六年來，他一路吃了那麼多苦，也難怪他會抱著尊美醇不放天天躲在自己房裡借酒澆愁、日復一日不可自拔。頭一個打擊，是母親四十四歲時罹癌病逝；她說，那已經是夠難過的了，沒想到此後壞事接踵而至，家裡遭逢一連串變故，好像肚子才剛挨了一拳，緊接著臉上又挨了一掌，然後他整個人就慢慢被掏空了。母親下葬後還不滿一年，迪德莉不知懷了誰的孩子，又不乖乖跟父親臨時撮合的對象成婚，歐法隆一氣之下把她趕出家門；布莉姬因此也跟父親反目作對。諾菈說，那時候她大姊還在離家好遠好遠的史密斯唸最後一年，可是她一聽到消息，立刻寫信給父親，告訴他，除非把迪德莉接回家，否則絕不再同他說話。歐法隆不肯照辦。布莉姬的學費一向由他支付，哪輪得到她來支使他怎麼做？最後一個學期她自己籌付學費，後來，她一畢業就直接去加州當記者；再也沒回來斯坡坎。諾菈說：她的脾氣就像父親一樣倔，迪德莉則是比兩個人加起來又倔上兩倍。就算迪德莉後來成了家，也生下第二個男寶寶，她仍不願意跟父親打破僵局，布莉姬也是。當諾菈離家到普爾曼唸大學，她與兩個姊姊互有規律的書信往返，布莉姬寫得比較勤，每個月諾菈都會收到一封以上她寫來的信。諾菈大三時，布莉姬突然不再寫信來了。剛開始，她沒有警覺事態不對勁，但是連續三個月、四個月沒有音訊，諾菈提筆寫信問迪德莉這陣子有沒有布莉姬的消息。迪德莉回信說她也已經六個月沒收到布莉姬的信了，諾菈才開始擔憂。她告訴父親這個情況，可憐的歐法隆十分自咎，不斷責備自己虧待兩個女兒，他立即向洛杉磯警署報案；警方指派一位姓雷諾茲的警官承辦此案。調查旋即展開，幾天下來已頗有斬獲，他們查出幾件很重要的事證：布莉姬已自雜誌社離職；她曾自殺未遂並且傷重住院；她曾懷孕；她搬離原住公寓時沒有留下去處地址；她確實失去蹤影。儘管全是壞消息，儘管線索支離破碎、難以串接，不過眼看著雷諾茲好像快要找到她的下落了。然後，所有的蛛絲馬跡慢慢膠著。過了一個月、過了三個月，然後過了八個月，雷諾茲再也查不出什麼來；他說：所有該查該問的都查了、也問了，警方已經盡了全力，但每次追查到費茲威廉旅社，線索就斷了。歐法隆先生對於警方成果感到心灰意冷，決定自尋管道，另外找一名私家偵探介入偵查。雷諾茲當時介紹他去找法蘭克史戴曼；歐法隆重燃希望。諾菈說：後來他每天的生活重心全擺在那件案子上頭，只要史戴曼回報任何小之又小的新事證、可靠度微乎其微的線索，她父親就會搭最近一班火車趕往洛杉磯，即使得在火車上過夜也無所謂，一大早就跑去找史戴曼。可是，現在連史戴曼都查不出名堂，他也打算停手了。接下來的發展，海特自己都聽到了；諾菈說：剛剛那通電話就是他打來解約；她實在不能怪他不想繼續幹。她曉得，布莉姬其實早已不在人世，雷諾茲、史戴曼也作如是想，偏偏她的父親不肯接受這個事實；他自責太深，不得不緊緊抓住一丁點微弱的希望、不得不一再欺騙自己終有一天能找到布莉姬，否則他無法活下去。諾菈說，情況就是這樣，她父親一定過不了那一關，他一定無法再次承受劇痛，他的人生一定會當場瓦解、終止。 從那一晚起，諾菈一五一十告訴他所有經過。雖說不能怪她想找人傾吐滿腹苦水，可是世上有那麼多人，她偏偏挑