Yang Huan, a talented poet with a hard life, has a well-known poem I am busy: I am busy. I am busy. I was busy shaking the torches awake, I am busy sculpting myself; I am busy beating the marching cymbals, I am busy playing the reed flute to welcome the spring; I'm busy posting happy forecasts, I am busy interviewing news of truth; I am busy transplanting the tree of life to the forest of battle, I'm busy turning fermented blood into love juice. until one day I die, Sleeping like a fish in a smiling pond I will turn off the lights and rest, I just had a wonderful completion,

Like a collection of poems: And the earth that covers me, It was the cover of the collection of poems. I am busy. I am busy. It may be that Yang Huan and San Mao have too many similarities. After San Mao passed away, every time I think of her, I will think of this poem.Although Sanmao's works do not have images of majesty flying and going to war generously, the two people are very similar in their ideal persistence, artistic persistence, and life expectations.Taking Yang Huan's self-mourning work as Sanmao's tombstone can best symbolize Sanmao's spirit of sacrifice and dedication for love (personal love and human love).

Throughout Sanmao's life, she spent almost every day busy.In Yang Huan’s poems, the torches are sung to wake up, the sculptures themselves are sculpted, the drums and cymbals are beaten, the reed flutes are blown to welcome the spring, the news of happiness is sent out, the news of truth is interviewed, the tree of life is transplanted into the jungle of battle, and the fermented Sanmao has done it in different forms and to varying degrees, and the poem of turning fermented blood into the juice of love is simply the most appropriate portrayal of Sanmao's life! Yang Huan and Sanmao, both of them have a outlook on life that does everything for others and never contributes to their own, a busy outlook on life that only knows work and does not know rest.They seem to be the ones who never tire.Until one day I die / I will turn off the lights and rest, / I will have a beautiful completion.What they pursue all their lives is the life of poetry and the poetry of life, the life of literature and the literature of life.Life and death under such hard work are a kind of completion, a kind of magnificence; like a book of poems: / And the earth that covers me is the cover of the book of poems.These beautiful images, borrowed and dedicated to Sanmao, should be the most appropriate and profound compliments.

I have known Sanmao for more than ten years, and I think I know her best about her dedicated and busy life.Most people have the impression that Sanmao is busy every day, but few people know what she is busy with.Of course, she is a hard-working writer who spends most of her time reading and writing literature, but many people don't know that she spends more time helping friends and social welfare.In fact, Sanmao, a busy person, is busy with other people's affairs that have nothing to do with him every day. Some smart people will never touch it, and only fools will do it. Some things may not be good for him or even harmful. thing.Sanmao is hot-hearted, I know too many stories about her helpfulness.Here are two random things to mention: one month before the death of the painter Xi Dejin, he was so thin that he was out of shape, and his whole body smelled bad. Sanmao went to the ward several times to massage his body, scrub him, and even clean up his defecation.To be honest, sometimes even the family members of the patients are not willing to do this kind of work, but Sanmao is willing to do it.Another sick writer, Zhang Tuowu, had a disabled left arm after a stroke, and his life was very difficult. Sanmao went all the way to help him, and often brought a lot of vegetables for him to eat in the refrigerator; in summer, Sanmao bought one The air conditioner was installed for him.These things moved Zhang Tuowu very much, and he regarded her as a confidant.This is about helping literary friends.In addition, the objects of Sanmao's care and help are more people outside the literature and art circles, such as the poor and helpless old people, orphans who lost their parents, helpless homeless people, cancer patients with few days to come, Sad women with broken families, and even prisoners who repent all day long in prison and try to rebuild themselves, are the objects of Sanmao's voluntary service and comfort.

A well-known writer will inevitably receive letters from readers from all over the world.Sanmao's daily letter intake probably exceeds that of any Taiwanese writer.Usually in this situation, most literati would not reply at all, but Sanmao was not. She always replied to her letters.The contents of these letters include those who expressed admiration for her literary achievements, those who asked her for advice on literature problems, those who beginners sent their exercises to ask her to correct them, and those who were confused about life and hoped that she would give them advice. There are letters from charities asking her to donate money, and poor people asking her to borrow money.She personally replied to these letters.As a result, the number of friends who corresponded with her increased.Anyone who has experience in this field knows that writing letters is the most troublesome thing. A letter is one thing and a burden. Answering letters is very annoying, but Sanmao never gets bored.For everyone's request, no matter whether it can be achieved, she will answer in detail, and try her best to meet the request of the other party.I know that a large number of her manuscript fees in Lianbu were donated to charities, and some were sent to poor people or orphaned children.

Sanmao writes letters quickly and well, and can write many letters a day.These letters are not in the so-called telegram style, each of which has considerable content. Her letters are as sincere, emotional, and enthusiastic as her articles, and she talks in a fluent manner, making the other party feel as if she is a real person. , If you hear her voice, you can directly feel her affinity.Some writers and scholars today, when their popularity reaches a certain level, they call it defending their own time and never reply to readers.This is the case even in the West. It is said that the American writer Faulkner never answers letters. It is said that there is a big light bulb hanging in his study. When a letter arrives, it will be illuminated by the light bulb to see if it is from the publisher. A check, if it is a check, is used, if it is not a check, no matter who the letter is, it will be thrown into the wastebasket.Of course, this description may be exaggerated.However, there are indeed not a few writers in China and abroad who do not reply to letters from readers.

But Sanmao is not like this!She always comes and goes, and never disappoints. In this respect, she reminds me of the Russian writer Gorky and the writer Lu Xun in the 1930s. These two literary giants spent most of their energy and time in their later years. On writing letters encouraging young writers.Naturally, writing too many letters will inevitably affect personal creative life, but these two writers later compiled and printed letters about writing with young people into books, which became another kind of their works in a broad sense.However, Sanmao's letter writing never had the idea of ​​publishing it publicly. It was completely a private letter written for each different object, and it was not made public.Of course, Sanmao's achievements in literature cannot be compared with the two masters, but her virtue of being diligent in writing letters to young friends is like the ancients.I often think, if Sanmao's scattered letters to friends were collected in all corners of the world and compiled into a collection of Sanmao's short books, what a touching work it would be!Of course, this is a big project, and it needs to be carefully collected by caring people.

How many letters did Sanmao write in his life?To whom?No one knows, but I saw it at a symposium hosted by the United Daily News Supplement.I remember once Lian’s deputy writer went to Hualien to give a speech. After the speech, many audience members came to the stage to say hello to Sanmao. letter.A little boy in the sixth grade said to Sanmao: After my mother read your letter, she stopped beating me!Another 60-year-old veteran came over and said: Thank you for the home remedy you gave me, my back pain is much better now.There was also a little girl who embroidered a piece of embroidery and gave it to Sanmao, saying that it was to thank Sanmao for giving her "Baby Watching the World" (a collection of comics translated by Sanmao).If you think there are so many pen pals in Hualien alone, I can hardly imagine how much time Sanmao spent processing these letters.Friends often say that I am the one who writes the most letters, but compared with Sanmao, I am afraid that is still a lot worse.

I sometimes think that Sanmao is like a light source, she hopes to illuminate every corner, a source of heat, she wants to distribute warmth to everyone who needs warmth, but a person's energy is limited after all, even if the body is made of iron , nor can it withstand years of physical and mental overwork.Her busy, of course, is not limited to writing letters, letters are words, in addition to words, she also adds practical actions.In addition to writing and writing letters, she spends most of her time outside.She is the big sister of many young people, and also the godmother of many children, especially children and teenagers who have learning disabilities or confusion during the growth period. She takes special care for them.She is also my daughter's godmother.When Sanmao went abroad, he never forgot to send a postcard to my children wherever he went. I remember that there was a postcard that said: When you grow up for another two years, the godmother will take you to wander!But only if you have good grades!So excited that Xiaomi (my daughter's name) left all the test papers with good grades there, waiting for her godmother to come and test them, for a wandering date two years later!

Such a person who distributes time, energy and emotion to everyone, her fatigue can be imagined.Sanmao, who is never tired, wished that he could become a kind sail in the sea, and save all living beings. He wished that he had thousands of hands and eyes, and could care for all those who need it. Sanmao!You are so stupid, don't you know that it is impossible to make the whole world your friend.According to the analysis of sociologists, each person can only maintain up to twenty friends at the same time.And I even think twenty friends is too much.Because friends are like flowers and trees, they need love, attention, and care.The poet Yang Mu once said that good friends are troubles for each other, but that kind of trouble is necessary trouble, lovely trouble, and trouble that one is willing to bear.Yang Mu said that he did not quite agree with the saying that the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water. He thinks this sentence is debatable. Imagine two friends (I mean good friends) live in the same city and can see each other at any time but haven’t seen each other for ten or eight years. Even saying that they are good friends, that is probably a lie.He said that good friends should always nest together and get tired of being together.In a word, putting your heart on your friends is the real way to make friends.Yang Mu's interesting talk, I think there is some truth to it.And Sanmao is a person who puts her heart on her friends, and she gives all her time, energy, and emotions to her friends.Sanmao, how could she not be exhausted after dealing with so many people in this way of treating her friends! ?

Extensive social contacts and a large overdraft of time and energy exhausted Sanmao physically and mentally.One year before her death, she fell into what is called mental exhaustion in medicine. Her physical strength declined and she suffered from chronic insomnia. She had to rely on sleeping pills to fall asleep, and the dosage was increasing each time.I always thought her sudden death was related to overdose of sleeping pills.After Sanmao passed away, too many people wrote articles, and everyone speculated on the cause of Sanmao's death from different angles, but no one ever mentioned taking medicine.The actual situation is: she took too much medicine to sleep for a long time, and the possibility of suicide is unlikely.Not long ago, when I told Sanmao's mother, Ms. Miao Jinlan, Ms. Miao had exactly the same idea as me.Some people may say that Sanmao has been dead for so long, and it doesn’t make much sense to investigate the cause of her death except to add sadness; but I think it is also very important to give a correct interpretation of Sanmao’s death. Just imagine, how could an optimistic, enterprising and full of vitality like her, a person who sings and inspires the meaning of life in her works and in real life, and a person who encourages others to live bravely everywhere, how could she end her own life by committing suicide? life?If her death is interpreted as suicide, then this short-term act is inconsistent with her works and her daily life.It’s true that San Mao’s works often show a kind of decadent mood, and sometimes even mention death, but I think San Mao’s works belong to romantic literature, and romantic writers are aesthetic, and death is often their beautification and poeticization. object.It cannot be said that death is mentioned in a work, so it is assumed that the author's outlook on life is pessimistic.Another factor worth noting is that Sanmao's works often reveal a kind of childishness, a kind of childlike willfulness, always talking about death, which is her innocence, not world-weariness.According to my observations, Sanmao had already stood up from the grief of Jose’s death half a year before her death. The trials of suffering made her more mature, stronger, and more positive in her outlook on life. At this stage, It is the time when she has the most confidence in writing and life, and it is also the time when her humanitarian ideals and enthusiasm are the most high-spirited. Although long-term fatigue affects her health and her insomnia, it will definitely not affect her will.At this time, she has no reason to commit suicide. Birth and death are major events in life, and death is the end of life and the highest completion of life.Most people have the impression that Sanmao's death is still a mystery. I think it is very important for Sanmao to unravel this mystery and clarify the truth.Because too many people love her works, too many people like her as a person, Sanmao has encouraged so many people, but she committed suicide, which caused confusion, shock and even harm to many people, who mistakenly thought that Sanmao said What she does is inconsistent with what she does; she wants others to be optimistic, but she finds fault with herself instead. Isn't this deceiving everyone's feelings?This kind of suspicion has virtually damaged Sanmao's good image in the minds of many people.So I told Sanmao's mother that it would be unfair to her to interpret Sanmao's death as a suicide, and it would even be an insult to her personality, and she felt the same way.Talking about this issue now is not to trace any responsibility, I just want to seek justice for my old friend and return her a correct image.I think Sanmao's works are absolutely consistent with her personality. It is a rash and irresponsible determination to interpret her death as suicide.I hope that more friends who love Sanmao, people in the literary world and even psychologists will support this argument together.We want everyone to know that Sanmao died because of overwork, for her literary career, her friends, and for social welfare, exhausted both physically and mentally!Other than that, there is no other reason. When I re-read the articles in this book, Sanmao's voice and smile surfaced in front of my eyes again, and the past scene after scene was as vivid as yesterday.All these articles of hers were written under the support project of the United Daily News’s trip to Central and South America. Some are travel notes, some can be called reportage, and each article is written on the journey full of dangers and difficulties. It can be said that it is the result of her blood and sweat.When these articles were published on Lianfu, I was the first reader.I remember that after each article was published, it received enthusiastic responses from readers. Letters and phone calls continued. Many people came to the newspaper office to ask to meet the author, and some even sent flowers to pay her respects. After returning from Central and South America, I designed a series of speech activities for Sanmao according to the plan of the newspaper, and accompanied her to give speeches all over Taiwan. The audience responded with unprecedented enthusiasm and the venue was full.I remember that one of them was held in the auditorium on the ninth floor of the first building of United Daily News. There were more than 1,500 people crowded in the 800-seat venue. Those who can't get in have caused many people to return disappointed.Later, the audience suggested that we simply go to the National Sun Yat-Sen Memorial Hall to hold a speech. In accordance with the request of the public, a larger-scale speech was held for Sanmao at the Sun Yat-Sen Memorial Hall. However, the crowded situation did not improve due to the large venue, but even more crowded Fierce, the audience not only filled up more than 3,000 seats, but also filled the carpeted aisle. One or two thousand people couldn't get in. For a while, the crowd was very anxious. Some people started to scold the organizers for their lack of experience and lack of plans.In order to calm everyone's emotions, we had to install three amplifiers in the square to play the speeches inside. It is said that those people should calm down when they heard Sanmao's voice, but otherwise, people are still crowded, scolded, and even worse. Many people rushed over again, and the gate of the memorial hall was squeezed like a breathing belly. They had no choice but to call the police for assistance. Although the city police department mobilized a large number of police forces to maintain order, the situation was still very chaotic. I remember that it was a speech at 7:30 in the evening. Before 4:00 in the afternoon, the crowd began to line up in the square of the memorial hall. The long snake formation circled the square in front of the hall several times. Because there were too many people, even Sanmao’s entry and exit became a problem. Someone thought of a way to make Sanmao cover her face with a hat so that people could not see that it was Sanmao, and then escorted by three strong policemen, it took a lot of effort to pass through layers of human walls to send her to the backstage .At seven o'clock, the emotions of the audience were close to boiling point, too many people could not get in, especially some people who queued up from four or five o'clock and couldn't get in were particularly angry. I have no choice but to use a loudspeaker to accompany everyone, please calm down, don’t be angry, and promise to give another Sanmao speech next week, so that those who have not entered the venue will not run empty; His voice was hoarse, and his suit was completely drenched with sweat.This almost crazy situation really terrified me.I thought at the time that under such circumstances, Sanmao was no longer a mere writer, but a hero of society, or more exaggeratedly, a prophet among the crowd.I found that the people's love for her had begun to deteriorate, becoming weird, as if there was an ominous atmosphere buried, and this atmosphere was getting stronger and stronger, making people shudder.At this time, Sanmao is no longer a pure literary phenomenon, but a complex social phenomenon; how did this phenomenon come about?I can't answer it, so maybe psychologists and sociologists have to answer it.As Sanmao's good friend, let me say objectively that the excessive enthusiasm given to her by the masses has reached an abnormal, even pathological level, and the applause and praise from all directions is more than what Sanmao deserves.Anyway, ever since that time, I started to get scared. I thought to myself, if the vice president continued to give speeches for her, something would happen if things continued like that.When the crowd's emotions are the most frantic; if Sanmao appears in the crowd, I'm afraid her clothes will be torn into pieces, and everyone will take a piece home as a souvenir!this is too scary.I remember the scene at the Sun Yat-Sen Memorial Hall. A middle school girl was trampled to the ground by the crowd and was injured. The Liandeputy colleagues sent her to the hospital for first aid. A colleague asked her: Why do you like Sanmao so much?The girl replied: You are jealous!From this incident, we can know that the young people at that time were almost crazy about Sanmao. One day, Sanmao came to see me. I sent her downstairs and said to her, "Sanmao, I can't speak any more. Stop it for now. You must cool down and cool down. Don't continue to speak."I'm not scaring you, otherwise you will be killed by audiences who love him like American singer Lennon, because those people love Lennon so much that they are afraid that others will share their idol's love and kill him!Really, Sanmao, stop it!After Sanmao listened to my advice, he stopped speaking publicly for a long time, and only read and wrote behind closed doors. As a result, the Sanmao craze in society cooled down a lot. Today, when I reread these articles, I inevitably think back to that time. Although so many years have passed, it is still difficult to give meaning to that period of time. How to explain the phenomenon of that year from a correct perspective?Is it the so-called Sanmao shock in the newspapers?Or is it called on TV, San Mao whirlwind?In any case, in the history of Chinese literature, Sanmao, as a writer, is not a politician or a singer, but just a person who writes articles with a pen. After four, there is no second person.It is said that the speeches of Lu Xun and Bing Xin were sensational, but I think the speeches of these two masters may be slightly inferior to the speeches of Sanmao later.Of course, such a comparison is inappropriate.Of course, San Mao's literary achievements cannot be compared with those of Lu Xun and Bing Xin.Mr. Qin Zihao, a poet, told me that when Lu Xun gave a speech at Peking University, because there were not enough seats in the classroom, someone suggested that he should go to the big playground to give the speech, so the audience flocked to the big playground. For the square table for dinner, please ask Lu Xun to stand on the square table and speak.Mr. Qin said that he would never forget the scene of Lu Xun standing on the square table in a coat with fluttering clothes.When another female poet, Bing Xin, just returned to teach at Wellesley Women's University in the United States, because of her well-written poems, beautiful appearance, and good knowledge, the door of the lecture hall was smashed, and even the window was climbed. All are listeners.This situation was indeed a grand event back then. Two days after Sanmao's death, almost all newspapers in Taiwan reported on the headlines. The death of a writer caused such a shock.As a person, Sanmao has loved, cried, laughed, possessed and created in the world. It can be said that this life is worthwhile.But as a writer, she died too early, her literary career just started, and she disappeared forever like a shooting star across the night sky of literature, what a pity! It has been almost three years since Sanmao passed away.I think the best way to commemorate Sanmao is not just to say how grand the speech was, it might just be a kind of vanity.I think the best way to commemorate Sanmao is to study her works, and correctly judging the cause of her death should also be an important aspect of studying Sanmao's literature. Understanding works from people is one of the ways to discuss literature. .I think the most important thing is that everyone should put aside the legend of Sanmao and factors other than literature, face her works objectively and calmly, study her special writing style and aesthetic quality, study her strong artistic personality and Inner vitality is the most important way to understand and interpret Sanmao. For those who have loved Sanmao, Sanmao is eternal and irreplaceable.As a member of her friend, I am proud of Sanmao. If a good friend is a part of my life, then the death of a friend is the death of a part of my own life.Yes, everything is over. Sometimes, I don’t want to say anything or talk about Sanmao’s death, because it is the eternal pain in my life! Often, when I'm walking alone on the road, I like to whisper don't ask me where I come from, my hometown is far away, the olive tree that best represents Sanmao's life concept, singing and singing, I feel as if everything has passed What is left is the misunderstandings that people will never get clear about, and the out-of-shape legends.The so-called history may be like this; history may be just a shadow, a sigh! This article begins with Yang Huan's little poem, and here is an excerpt of another little poem to end this article as a reminder of my old friend.This poem is a work of "Title Wall" that a writer found on the rock of the bunker when he interviewed the front line: I am leaving, Like a fired cannonball, Completed the full range. What has been left for the space that has accommodated me? I am afraid, There was only a loud bang! It doesn't matter where I land, What matters is that there was sound, speed and light.