Chapter 3 　　

I was woken up by a phone call early in the morning, and said a few words in a drowsy manner. I heard that the other end was laughing hard, and I knew who it was without thinking about it. The laughter couldn't stop, like a spring.Thinking about it, I probably talked in my sleep just now. Did you read well yesterday?Juer is really impersonal sometimes. fine.Only in the evening and Xiaojing rode for a while. Hmph, I know.Now I order you to come to school to study, and you have to arrive before 9:30, do you know?Bring Chinese and chemistry, the day after tomorrow to take the test. I agreed repeatedly, but I couldn't hold back the smile on my face.Ju'er is like this, she is very arrogant, I have fought against her several times, but in the end it was all my apology, although one of them should be her fault.But what I like about her is that I like being here. She will control you and pour cold water on you, but she will also dream with you and do it crazily than anyone else.

When I was just in the second year of high school, several of our friends who were called best friends suddenly fell into disarray. I don’t know if it was because of Xiaojing’s transfer to the natural group, my awkwardness, and Deng’s growing intimacy with the cat.In short, she was busy alone.As soon as school started, she was running around. The 14th is Deng's birthday. Please don't accidentally forget it.In October, she was busy again, on the 22nd.She will tell her buddies at any time that Xiao Jing failed the monthly exam this time, and you all need to cheer her up.Deng has been acting weird lately, so don't mess with her.Xiao Xia has a small income this time, everyone, get ready for your bamboo sticks.

Among my friends, only Juer and I get along the most peacefully.She never felt bigger than me, or better than me, and neither did I.On an equal footing, that's it.She has a rare and strong temper, but she has a sweet and girly face, a spontaneous smile with deep double eyelid eyes, and a small thin mouth with amazing volume. I often hear people think that parents are too strict and the pressure is too great, but I never thought that if the parents don't care at all, the pressure will be infinitely greater.My parents trust us very much and let us be completely independent in everything.Such parents are good to us most of the time, but when they feel that they can't control themselves, they have to complain why they don't take care of us more, why they give us such a big share of our ability and ability. Not on the right.Of course, they often tell us: don't abuse the trust your parents have placed in you.But I'm used to being a happy girl, so I don't know how to lower my face and ask some questions. Fortunately, I almost forget the questions after a few days, but my mind is sometimes empty. For example, they never ask me for my report card.So I love being controlled by oranges and cats very much.Their advice is really pleasant to hear, but it is not true for me that good medicine is bitter and honest.When school is over, Ju’er will say, there is a history quiz tomorrow, and you have to pay chemistry homework, do you know, don’t stay in bed after watching TV when you go home to understand.I always smiled and brushed away her deliberately frowning brows, nodding in agreement.I got dizzy in the first year of high school, and after getting the report card during the winter vacation, I asked the cat anxiously, is it too late to start studying next semester?The cat thought for a while: I think it is hopeless.I was stunned, I hoped she would comfort me: Silly shrimp, it goes without saying!Now that I think about it, I don’t know if she used the aggressive method, but it was obvious that she provoked the wrong person. I was shocked for two days, and I went camping in Puxin with Xiaojing and Juer, and left everything in Taipei in the gray winter. city.

But Juer has always disliked cats, saying that she is too serious.But I think she is a very possessive girl. She may blame the cat for pulling me away, and now it is pulling Deng away.The cat doesn't like Ju'er either, saying she's too careless to be serious.This may be true, but they are the best people. It was past ten o'clock when I got off the bus. As usual, I went to the small shop behind the school to buy two packs of candied fruit.Eating and walking, watching the presidential palace brightly bathed in the sun.Can't help but feel a little guilty.When I was a freshman in junior high school, I always took the morning bus to school every day, stood in front of the presidential palace to watch the flag raising, and sang the flag raising song.I stand tall and am a great little soldier.Recently, I suddenly became lazy. I haven't seen the presidential palace in the morning light for a long time, and I haven't made the oath of crabapple leaves in front of it for a long time.When facing it, I always have a feeling of facing the Father.I've been really estranged from everything lately.

I have always liked to look at the presidential palace in the sun, but not after April. I prefer the presidential palace in the wind and cloud, which makes me unconsciously look up at him. In military uniform, riding on a tall horse, flying on the clouds, sometimes overlooking his people, with a smile as usual, because he knows that his country can stand up. I love him, that's all.Because he's a giant to make me look up, that's all.As a child, kindergarten, elementary school, and junior high school, he was as familiar with me as the slogan of counterattacking the mainland, and he had no personal feeling, until my father told me about it.

In the 25th year of the Republic of China, the Northeast had been occupied for five years during the National Boy Scouts Parade.When the scattered boy scout representatives from the three eastern provinces passed the command platform, he quietly wiped away his tears.This incident has always had a great impact on me, not just because the tears of heroes are special, but because I really feel that he is not just a great man in history that I have known in textbooks since I was a child The heroes of the Eastern Expedition, Northern Expedition, Bandit Suppression, Anti-Japanese War, and Anti-Communism are the most important. He is a Chinese with the same blood as us. In the peaceful years, nostalgia was just the sorrow of his father's generation, and worrying about the country was just the concern of the younger generation for the concept of that piece of crabapple leaf. However, he carried the cross of the entire era and assumed the responsibility of the displaced China in this century. People's hopes, what a heavy nostalgia and concern for the country!

I always remember that in April and May, I often stared blankly at the presidential palace where the flag was lowered at half-mast, and my heart was full of warmth, because I knew that Heavenly Father and He were above, in that high heaven.The rolling clouds are the smoke and dust raised by his horse's hooves; the roar of the wind is the surge brought by his cloak.He is galloping in the sky forever and unrestrainedly, galloping. I thought it was time for me to start reading, so I went to the piano room instead of looking for Juer in the classroom, for fear that the two of them would have to meet each other for another day of eating and drinking.I like the Guangfu Building during the holidays the most. The quiet and ancient corridor is really spring and autumn, but the green trees outside the window are shaking their youth.I walked vigorously and got up, making the old leather shoes startle the people on the table and the sunlight sleeping on the ground.

When I entered the piano room, I clipped my hair neatly, unhooked my skirt, and took off my shoes and socks. I sat down in a state of preparation and opened my Chinese textbook. In fact, I like Chinese very much, but I have to do it by myself.As described in the biography of Jing Ke, Jing Ke traveled in Handan, Lu Goujian fought with Jing Ke, Lu Goujian scolded him in anger, Jing Ke ran away out of anger, and never met again.The book notes that hey is the ancient word, but I thought hey is the current hey, Jing Ke, a naughty person, I would rather believe that he made a face with Lu Goujian and left with a long grin.After reading the biographies, I regret that I have rebelled against Guowen in the past two years, and I have betrayed my heart that has always wanted to read Shiji.I like Sima Qian, although he must be an O-type person, but he is very emotional, especially compared to Ban Gu.

Like Song Lian, I don't have much feeling for his articles, but I read that he is said in textbooks: Lianwen's thoughts are elegant, his words are elegant, but his words are rich and rich, so he can't bear to trim them, so his articles may be unavoidable.I also think he is very cute, a kid who is full of things to say, so I have always liked Wang Zhenhe more than Huang Chunming, because Wang Zhenhe's articles are a little bit boring, but it is precisely the talent. Gao Ci Fu, can't bear to trim.I like Wang Zhong because he specializes in Confucianism and Chinese studies; he ruled the ancients and violated the laws of Han and Europe, and he took the Han, Wei and Six Dynasties as examples.I don't know why, whenever I see someone breaking the law against Korea and Europe, I will come and cheer a few times, probably because my love is deviant.

When reading a book, I love to hustle with the ancients and guess blood types for them.Like Cao Zhi, although he acts capriciously, doesn’t dress up, drinks immoderately, and looks like a B-type, but he cooks beans and burns the bean sieve, and the beans are weeping in the cauldron;And he will die of depression and illness because of Cao Pi's guessing and guarding against him. He is type A.Jing Ke must be type B, because assassinating the Qin Dynasty is such a major event, he can be so heroic and confused.Xu Xilin is also type B, because he is a bit of a headless chicken, running around here and there, but I really like his night riding on a dangerous wall to watch the stars, he is really a boy.Originally, I was very afraid of Mr. Taiyan, thinking that he was a person who had never been young, but since he can appreciate Xu Xilin's romance, I think he is still a lovely old gentleman.Han Yu must be type O, because he expressed his admonition to welcome the bones of the Buddha into the palace, because he did not care about life and death to reprimand the Buddha, because he took the promotion of holy learning as his own responsibility.Ouyang Xiu is a type B outlier.Confucius is type B, Yi Yin, the sage, is type O, Liu Xiahui, the sage, is type A, and Boyi, the sage, is type AB.Dongpo should be type B, but somehow it is type O.Grandpa liked Dongpo very much. When he talked about the Soviet Union, he blurted out that it was Su Dongpo.

Around noon, someone knocked on the door, and I hurried to open the door with my leather shoes on.Sure enough, it is Juer, our tacit understanding is really good. Quite spectacular.Ju'er smiled and looked at my slovenliness. We walked on the red brick road of Guiyang Street and went to Taoyuan Street to eat dry noodles.Today is a very dull day, with no wind at all, but I have read more than half of the Chinese book, and my heart is overflowing, and I am going crazy again.See a big earthquake?good.Go to Shilin?good.zoo?good.walk back?good.We are discussing the program after the exam.That's really exciting. It is our old trick to have a big meal in Shilin and then take the long Zhongshan North Road back to Taipei.I don’t know when it started, our buddies always like to rush to Shilin when there is no time, my family’s honey bean ice, oyster omelette without oysters in the market, big cakes wrapped in small cakes, tube rice cakes, and then buy a package that is so spicy Shouting Dougan, carrying a schoolbag full of food, walking and eating all afternoon. I especially like Yuanshan at noon, where the sky is particularly blue, and there are winding stone steps beside the sidewalk leading to the houses on the mountain.Mr. Eileen Chang said that the word "France" reminds me of a sky with light rain and a clear sky, while England is a small red brick house under a blue sky. Her mother is a beautiful and practical woman. She told her daughter that the climates of these two countries But it is exactly the opposite of what you think.But she still can't shake this impression.At this moment, I also want to say that the world of Yuanshan at noon is a scene of England. Once, Juer, Xiaojing, me, and others asked passers-by to take a photo for us.We ran to the hillside several steps high, leaning against the small stone wall and looking down.After the photos are developed, we are surrounded by a deep blue sky and dark green bougainvillea, the granite stone wall is a medieval castle, and we are three beautiful princesses embroidering by the well. It’s best to enter the zoo after five o’clock. At that time, almost all tourists are gone, the entrance is about to close, and there are fewer administrators. We climbed over the railing, pulled the grass from the ground and stuffed it into the camels’ mouths full of yellow teeth and white spittle. , they really don't intend to brush their teeth.We also touched the little donkey, and it was a good baby.Shake hands with monkeys, their hands are cool and soft, even smoother than many people's hands, you know their eyes, they are talking, telling you the old stories of the father and son of the day before the vicissitudes of life.We once lay on the railing at dusk, staring at the fat and strong thighs of ostriches, and thinking about the stewed chicken legs of Tianlu. I love going to the zoo, it makes me feel like Eve running naked in the Garden of Eden again.Heavenly Father was smiling at me from above. We love taking Zhongshan North Road.Although people say that it is a foreign slave street, the street is full of people who take the international route.But we still go, every brick has our vows and dreams.In autumn, we stand on the road and wait for the maple red.In winter, we shrink our necks to pick up fallen leaves on the ground.In spring and summer, we walked in the shade of the wind and green leaves, so happy that we wanted to cry.To be young is to cry happily with friends under a blue sky. Walking through Fenglin Road outside Datong Institute of Technology, it is our Shangdao.We have made thousands of vows to stay in it forever.But we have walked by it thousands of times, and still only look at it from the far side of the road.It has seven coconut trees from the southern country, and a warm awning in red and white.We stared blankly, always thinking that we were in a coffee shop next to the Champs Elysees Avenue, the coconut trees swaying in the wind were the plane trees, and we were the beauties of Xiangche. There's also a sequel to be made.Tangerine raised her eyebrows and said. I laughed.We love to pick a sunny day and leave our youth behind.I just walked to Shangdao last Saturday, and Kodak just finished taking 20 photos, so Juer said that I will continue to take pictures of the following journey, our Cat shop!Our Captain's table! Sitting on the side of the road eating dry noodles, there was a sudden gust of wind.I looked at the flaming boiler beside me, white smoke brushed past me, and suddenly thought I was a ranger, the ranger in the biographies, playing endlessly in the sun, moon, mountains and rivers.Lufan Lunjin talked and laughed, maybe. Today is a great day.Waking up from a dream by a bird early in the morning, the sky is bright and the sun is bright, this kind of day is the most confusing. It seems that I should write some poems. I should not go to the seaside or the mountains, or sit under the willow tree in the backyard and watch Genesis. There's something beautiful about that!But in the face of such a sunny day, I would instead lie on the bed, thinking, how to endure this day, but always end up lying at home like this all day.In the same way, facing this wonderful youth, I feel that there should be some vigorous and major events every day, because youth is so good, but I have been living for two years, nothing happened, and I am safe . In the morning, I tidy up the desk cleanly. After I sit down, I casually pick up a textbook and spread it on the desk. The sunshine and shade outside the window are reflected on the clean desk. A big world, let me create it.I was originally a child who even wiped the tables and chairs every day, and I could feel that I was sweeping away demons. At noon, I received a letter from Xiaotong.The little boy said: How can I compete with your ancient heroes?I laughed dumbfounded, thinking that I probably kept talking to him about Napoleon.I like Napoleon so much that I don't know why.Those who admire him can recite his diary and every famous saying: those who love him can clearly count every battle and every lover's name.I can't do anything, I can only hide in a corner secretly, thinking about him every second, it hurts my heart. In my freshman year of high school, Mr. Guowen wrote an essay titled If Time Could Turn Back, I wrote without hesitation: 1796, Marseilles. A midsummer night full of lilacs.He and I are still strolling in the courtyard like many nights, I said, listen, they are playing Marseillaise.He stopped and looked at me solemnly, his pale face becoming paler: You Jing Ni, do you believe in fate?I am born to be a person who creates and changes history, and I am very, very sure. I said: Have you ever thought that any great man in history has a female role?My voice trembled, I was only sixteen years old! He helped me on the shoulders, raised his face to the sky and said: You Jing Ni, don’t worry, I will put the tiara on your lovely black hair, and you will live in the rose-scented Fontainebleau Palace.France, Europe, the whole world is ours! He is like crazy.I'm afraid.I want to tell him I don't care that you're just an artillery captain, just a Corsican exile.The Crown, France, and the whole world don't matter, what matters is you!Only you, Napoleon! 1804, Paris. They crowned a man named Napoleon.Pennabar's man is the Emperor of France.Goodbye, my young lover in Marseilles, that person is also named Napoleon, but he will accompany me to race on the fence, he only has a tattered military uniform, but he will cry with me for the young Werther in Goethe's book. 1839, Paris. His coffin was brought back from St. Helena.Passing the Arc de Triomphe, I toss a bouquet of lilacs.What else can I say?This feeling can be regarded as a memory, but it was already at a loss! Who said that Cupid took the arrow of love, but forgot to bring his watch. Mostly I think of myself as Queen Desselle of Sweden. I love talking to Xiaotong about each of my idols.I am very good at making idols for myself, because my emotions are too rich, but fortunately, they are all created by reason, and the disillusionment of each idol did not bring me much pain.When I was in junior high school, I fell in love with a male teacher crazily, and imagined what our married life would be like.Later, when I saw him picking up a fish in his slippers on the street, I decided to like Shen Qingwen of the Giants.Later I learned from the newspaper that Shen Qingwen was going to be my junior for three months, so I thought it would be much safer for Wu Jianguo to forget it. There is an uncle who looks like George Scott, so he is the host of Thornburgh, and I am Jane Eyre, pale and humble.He got married six months later.At the wedding banquet, my sister and I raised our wine glasses to toast the uncle and the bride. I drank the mango juice with a smile. I firmly believe in our platonic love!I wrote in my diary. A good friend's father is very similar to Calle Glenn, he is the best-looking actor after Bi Lancaster in my opinion.I just wrote a novel about Lirenxing, about a middle-aged man and a girl in a backless dress driving to Kenting Park on a winter day.Because the coconut trees under the winter sun in the southern country always make me so romantic that I want to cry.I couldn’t write the story when the girl ordered Sherry wine in the Kenting hotel. I thought of the girl wearing a backless dress in winter, and they were in a spiritual relationship, and they couldn’t have any physical relationship. All of these were wrong, so I stopped writing. Xiaotong was the only boy who took me on a bicycle when he grew up.He looks like a big brother, and he told me about fishing, climbing trees and stealing fruits, and he talked about it with high spirits.But he also likes to play, playing some big things that I don't understand. At that time, I was always afraid of him, didn't know him, and didn't want to know him again.I like Xiaotong when he told people: At first the hands will hurt, then the skin will become hard and callused, and then there will be no feeling.It's scary, isn't it?But fear not, you'll know how good it is to play and sing along.Study hard.What Xiaotong was talking about was practicing guitar.Later, I bought a guitar. I was very smart and learned quickly. After a while, I could sit cross-legged on the bed and play and sing by myself, the first song he taught me, A Place in the Sun. The college entrance examination will be in two weeks, and I don't know if the little boy can still dance.He has long hair, very beautiful.Thinking about it now, it was an inexplicable thing for us to know each other, and it was even more inexplicable for us to separate.It was May, and Xiao Tong said that he would wait for me in the park.Juer asked me not to go, I smiled and went to collect writing materials.Ju'er said that they need to collect information and find other ways.I reassured her that I had a plan of my own.But as we walked, it started to rain heavily, and I suddenly missed Ju'er in a panic. Every time when I was waiting to cross the road in front of the Presidential Palace on a rainy day, looking at the cars coming and going in front of me, I would always think of a boy on the opposite side shouting "I love you!"Like the boy in Goodbye Yesterday, maybe I will run to him desperately. Kid doesn't understand why I won't go to his prom.I don't know either, it's not that I don't want to break the record for not going to prom in high school, or that prom is really as scary as people say it is.I'm afraid of embarrassing things, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to speak clearly. I just want to make everything clear.I will never forget the mood when I saw the cat, let alone the vow with Juer and Xiaojing, I just want to live a life that will not bother me. Children smoke, children do not understand.Just like once he accompanied me to wait for the car to go home, we sat side by side on the red brick road, he talked about his childhood life in the countryside, I laughed so happily.The moon was round and big that day. He said that he would accompany you to wait for the car to go home, okay?I couldn't say it right now, but the smile on my face was still there.My favorite moment is the long walk after school with Juer and Xiaojing, who don't accompany each other.But the boy didn't understand.Find a better reason to say no, he said.The moon that night was so beautiful, but I like the stars more. Orange, Xiaojing, Deng and the cat, Xiaosu are all my stars. I often miss the rainy days in May, which make the world cool and green.Xiao Tong walked into my clean world and walked out of my world clean.I often miss Xiaotong, a beautiful boy with long hair who loves to dance so much, and a boy who talks about catching sparrows and riding a bicycle is even more beautiful. When I grew up, every time I saw boys, I would unconsciously compare them with my mistress.Xiaosan was my favorite boy in my childhood.We have been crazy together for many summers, but I still can't remember what he looks like, because I always dare not look at him, and the sight of him would be shocking.In the group of children, he is like a big brother. He respects girls very much, but he is never considerate like a mother-in-law. He always just stares at people from a far corner.When I watch War and Peace in the future, every time I see Pierre, I will think of Xiaosan. It is a very warm feeling. It seems that no matter how the world changes, how you change, there is someone who knows you very well. corner.Xiaosan is that kind of boy.They looked for him thousands of times in the crowd, but when they looked back suddenly, the man was in a dimly lit place.I only give this sentence to grandpa and mistress. When I was a little girl, I made a song about Xiaosan. The last line of the lyrics is from the song of eternal regret that my father just taught us. I wish to be a lovebird in the sky and Lian Lizhi in the earth.I often sing it myself, to the moon.When we were all grown up, we stopped playing together. After I moved, I still sang often, but I didn't feel anything.Until I watched the childhood sweetheart and learned the song BEE GEES sang, First of May, I suddenly thought of Xiaosan, thinking that now we are taller than the Christmas tree, but I don’t know what he is doing, and he doesn’t know where I am.But these are not important, at the moment I just want to sing for Xiaosan: The apple trees that grew for you and me, I watch the apples falling one by one. And I recall the moment of them all, The day I kissed your cheek and you were gone, Now we are tall and X'mas trees are small, And you don't ask the time of day, But you and I, our love will never die, But guess who cried come First of May. One night in June, I stood on the porch and sang my own song, watching the stars fall one after another. At this moment, I want to tell Xiaosan: Our love will never die! I just finished my Chinese exam.I was carrying my chemistry textbook and was about to go for a walk in the bushes over the carport alone.Whenever the exam is intense, I will want to shrink into a corner with no one alone to chew my nails.I dare not talk to my good friends about the emptiness, because I have always been afraid that living is a burden. As soon as he got downstairs, he bumped into Joe head-on. OK!If Joe doesn't look for Xiao Xia for a day, Xiao Xia won't talk to Joe for a day.Look how good people treat you, but you treat me so badly!Joe handed me a hot steamed bun, and I took it silently and was in a daze again. Joe is a tall man with long hands, long legs, and a thin mouth, and he can say anything that complains without thinking.What would have happened if I had heard her words a year ago?I do not know.A year ago I was looking for Jo in every boy.I often wonder if I have too much ability to survive, why I can adapt to the environment so quickly and stand up!Stand so straight!Although this is what I have always liked and hoped for, it is not the case when I meet Joe.In front of Joe, I hope that I am as humble and weak as a thin vine, and Joe is the tall and straight pine tree. When I was very young, I told my mother that my love must be based on love at first sight, because it is stunning and fate.My husband must make me worship to death.My mother looked at me while chopping vegetables, and said a lot with a smile.Slow flow?I'm so surprised, I never knew that my mother who eloped with my father and started a family would also talk about it.What I don't understand is that I think feelings are something that makes people want to die. Knowing Joe is in the sound of waltz.In the folk dance class that just started in the first year of high school, Qiao served as the little teacher.As soon as the music started, it was the most romantic student prince, which I only found out later.Joe said to everyone, find your Prince Charming, and then strode up to me, bowed deeply, elegant and unrestrained like a round table warrior, I don't know anything, and was pushed and pulled by Joe for a dance with a blushing face.From now on, whenever I hear the waltz beat of the waltz, my cheeks will always be red and hot, and my heart will feel uncomfortable. I will think of Jo, her long legs, and the lively chatting and laughing in the crowd. Joe is a person who can separate the spirit from the body. Her heart never lets anyone get in her way, but her person always belongs to the public.She made friends like she was doing business, running around all day and treating everyone the same.However, I have always been a proud child. I have loved pistols more than dolls since I was a child, but when I fall asleep, I must hug a thick pillow.But Qiao is nothing, she is not Juer and Xiaojing, they will be by my side when I need them most, she is just a sparkling diamond, a meteor, disappearing in the blink of an eye, and it is too late to make a wish.It was only when I was with Joe that I understood the meaning of Floating Life as a Dream for the first time. It turned out that the most precious things in the world are often so illusory and uncertain. She is so strong, she is a shining star in the sky, and I am also so strong, and my strong ambition often makes me feel like a sinister mang.Reason wants me to be stronger than her, to be equal to her, to hate her, but Jo confuses me, makes me write her name in the diary, and lie in bed thinking about every word she says, lying on my bed. Looking at the moon in front of the window, thinking of her every frown and smile.My feelings want me to be a soft and submissive little girl, to look up to her as if she is a strong person, to walk around her forever, as if she is a guardian star.But Joe is just Joe, she is everyone's, a wandering meteor, fleeting.So when I arrived at school the next day, I was a girl who was indifferent to everything again, and I pressed myself so tight and beautiful again, Joe, what is it! During the days of basketball practice, I was wearing a white dress and walking on the Roosevelt Road in the early morning when the birds were singing. Joe took a breath: Xiao Xia is really a bird!I feel pity.I glanced at her indifferently, and saw that she was walking with boyish strides, it was really thrilling! Xinhexing’s Qingbing is really Qingbing, without even some color, Qiao’s grinning mouth made a face at me, smiling, I really love her, I really love her, but I don’t love her like she is. She will smile lightly and let her say Xiaoxia is sinister; sometimes she talks too boldly to me, God knows my temper is so strong, I hate her to death, but she can only smile lightly, let her say I am ignorant . We've been comparing reserves all summer, but I really hate her because Jo is so careless when she hates or loves people, but I hate my own concentration even more.Although on the surface we don't owe anyone, but I know that I have lost, how unwilling, how unwilling! When we first got acquainted, Qiao loved to talk about Nietzsche and Schopenhauer with me.But I hate these things the most. I think they are full-fledged people, boring and unrealistic. Nietzsche announced that God is dead. People who brush their teeth still brush their teeth, and those who eat still eat.Jo and I quarreled in the bookstore all afternoon, and finally she pointed at the bookshelf angrily: "Okay, you have to be realistic, you should read this kind of book!"He stomped his feet and turned away.I looked at the bookshelf, it was about Qiu Yonghan teaching people how to make money, and I laughed. In the future, when we get together, we will not talk about topics that will cause us to disagree. Unexpectedly, we will have nothing to say.It's just that we still wander around, swimming in the sea three times a week.The first time I went there was a typhoon day, Joe and I skipped half a day of school, and we were already wet when we walked to the beach.Danhai has endless sandy beaches, and the rolling yellow waves seem to fill the sky.I suddenly thought that Qiao was Wang Lun who bid farewell to Li Bai by the riverside.As for me, I'm about to go to the other side of the water.I glanced at Joe, she was standing tall in the sea and singing to the sky.After a while, I turned around and laughed, it was really a mess. Later, we took off our coats, schoolbags and raced to warm up.Joe is a well-known sprinter in the school, but she deliberately ran very hard, waiting for me to run side by side with her, and Joe gasped and laughed, "Do you think we look like a man and woman couple on the beach in a landscape painting?"I didn't dare to look at her at the moment and continued to run.I don't believe there is anything truly beautiful and lasting in the world, so I dare not face it squarely. When we went home, we pretended to be a pair of poor little ones who had lost their tickets and money, and stood dripping wet on the street in the center of Danshui Town, waving to hitchhike.After finally getting into a jeep, the soldier driving said: "The students of Beiyi girl are all studying?"We didn't know how to answer the conversation, and the two secretly looked at each other and smiled.When the car entered the urban area, Qiao crossed his legs, shook his hair, and his eyes made me unrecognizable again.I am heartbroken thinking of my Joe, my Joe singing to the sky by the sea in the storm. Joe is tired, I know it.Because she is too alive, she has too many aspects, and she must actually play the role that people want her to play in each aspect.She herself also said that she belongs to the masses, so she will never have real friends.Sometimes when I was really tired, I decided to sit with the cat on the long box in Guangfu Building to bask in the sun. She saw it and yelled: Huh, Xiao Xia only stays with her husband all day long, and ignores your lover.When I looked at Joe, I couldn't help being startled by that familiar look.Really, I don’t need anything, I made friends with Xiaotong, and I only waited for her sour words: confidant! Desperate to immortality, that's what it feels like. Joe loves the sea, loves the navy.She talks to me about her heroes every day. At this time, I don’t know her anymore. I can only listen to it with a faint smile, thinking of my Joe, not the one in front of me.One day I was amazed to realize how much I had given, while Jo was still at work, talking about her heroes.I started to pretend to be indifferent, and I was only with Ju'er and Carlo all day long, they were my stars.My star, I need something stable, this is a good day, although not as crazy as when I was with Joe, sitting on the last bus in my pajamas and slippers, dancing tango waltzes in the rain, and walking Roosevelt Road. He dribbled the ball back home without stopping, and closed his eyes under the eucalyptus tree of National Taiwan University to watch the boy from the middle school who called himself Shen Dongpo shoot the basket. But after a long time of indifference, it finally came true. I could watch her remain unmoved, and let Joe complain letter by letter: Shrimp, we really tested the old man for a long time.I feel that things are a bit like the kind of old-fashioned TV series that don't make do.I also feel that I have been fooled by the article you wrote about youth.Perhaps some of Shrimp's affection for Joe has passed.Qiao always thinks that shrimp is very benevolent, maybe shrimp can't stand Joe's AB type self-consciousness, why is Joe used to B type's desolation?The genus of friends is either fate or evil.I still think it's too big, Xia can ignore Joe for a week, flirting and cursing in front of him (like a jealous husband), but Joe is very worthless.Maybe there is no reason at all, the reason is that Joe is not a husband but a lover, and Carmen is busy, and the lover should go.What about shrimp?Joe I can only slowly put the letter into my schoolbag.As much as possible, that should be the only thing I can say about the whole thing.Indeed, for Joe, I have sworn so many vows that I have never sworn, for Joe, I have cried again and again, for Joe, Xiaojing and Juer ignored me, for Joe, I have suffered terrible bad language.It was when he was just a sophomore in high school, Qiao had only just assumed the post of vice chairman of the school class association, and was asked to resign by the school.Because Qiao took a few photos for Jianqing when he was in freshman year of high school, it was nothing serious, but after some people shouted, everyone made a commotion, and Qiao became the target of public criticism.At that time, Qiao was a little frustrated. She was called by the discipline office all day long, and her classmates were also anxious for her. I always thought that Qiao was a great roc waiting to fly. Banlian would be a dispensable role for her. Her ability and talent would not be hindered by such trivial things. I have this feeling for her. kind of confidence.A few days later, I received an anonymous letter from a classmate, saying that I was gloating about Joe's misfortune, and there were many words of contempt and disgust in it.Although usually I always think that you don’t care about the criticism of people you don’t pay attention to, but the first time I saw a letter scolding myself like this, I was shocked and very sad, because I hate fakes, and I’m afraid people will say I’m hypocritical.But thinking about it, that person must be just as dedicated to Joe.For Joe, I can stand it. My father told me that only he is ruthless, but I cannot be unrighteous. I understand that this is the attitude that my father always treats his friends.So I shouldn't be angry, and I can't be, and I've learned a lot from Joe, and learned something I've always wanted.However, what I will never forget is a dusk when Joe and I went to the Folk Dance Party of the Normal University. I am a lotus leaf in the West Lake, in that crimson era.想唱當晚霞滿天，但是老唱不全，只會唱了第一句，就哼哼唧唧的唱到了我愛，我愛，但是我真喜歡，當晚霞滿天。 整個熱熱的空氣都像在灌人喝酒弄得人迷迷醉醉的。華爾滋的樂聲一響起，真迷惘了，自己真真是飄裡的郝思嘉，戰事已老死在老棉田的紅土裡。我的世界，只有一片和樂昇平，男孩，華爾滋，和旋轉，旋轉。 最後一支是我最愛的田納西華爾滋，由小喇叭吹的，不是蓓蒂佩姬的低嗓子，但那才真是有情調。很晚了，開始飄些細雨，遠處的燈火點點，和平東路嘈雜的車喇叭聲依稀可聞。我們慢慢的晃著，一二三，一二三，一時我在二十世紀初年的密西西比的夜航中，那個可愛又可悲的歲月！不知為什麼會這樣想。眼睛又花花的了，眨眨眼，告訴自己，是雨，燈火變得一團團，整個世界突的光燦起來了。忽然覺得好幸福好甜，近乎有些酸楚。雨，是更大了。 喬等欣欣21路，我坐3路，在這一岸這是我們參加過海上戰鬥營後的特別用語十點多，起風了，涼涼的。喬的車來了，她照例誇張的飛了個吻，路燈下，喬濕濕的頭髮貼在臉頰上，像第凡內早餐裡的赫本，她很漂亮，真的真的，她是很漂亮的，很漂亮的，一個女孩。忽然覺得隔在我們中間的不是和平東路，是個好大好黑的深淵。我也揮揮手，飛個吻，再見了！Joe. 很多很多年後，我還是要對喬說，此情可待成追憶，只是當時已惘然。 喬，喬，我們誰也不欠誰的。 一早到學校，本想問問卡洛坐標旋轉約莫是怎麼一回事，沒想到講兩句話，就扯到小童去了。主要是因為我們討論到前幾天貓咪給我們做的一個性向測驗，測驗是這樣的，以前，在一個大森林裡，大河的西岸住著三個男孩B、S、H和一個漂亮多情的女孩L，河的東岸是住著一個男孩M。四個男孩都同時熱愛著女孩L，而女孩心許的卻是河對岸孤伶伶一人的M。一次M得了重病，女孩L急著要去看他，但是她一人無法渡河，只得求助於鄰居B、S、H，B和H都不願幫助Ｌ見到情敵，只有S肯，但是有一個苛刻的要求，他要Ｌ的貞操做為幫她渡河的條件，L在滿心焦急下只得答應了。L過了河見到M後，M為她的犧牲很感動，但是基於心中的某種感覺卻無法接納她。整樁事過後，B毅然的拋下兒女情隻身到他鄉去謀發展，S仍然吊兒郎當的若即若離，只有H是不顧一切，誠心娶了L為他的妻。這項測驗是把讀者對這五個人的喜憎按次序排下來，M代表道德（Moral），L代表愛情（Love），B代表事業（Business），S代表性（Sex），H代表家庭（Home）。這樣可約略看出個人所重視的是如何。由於我是BSHLM，卡洛的則是S在最末，M在最前，她就不禁很理直氣壯的嘲笑我起來了。 這使我想到小童，小童說道：有時乾脆我直接的對女孩說，我們來玩一種遊戲如何？這樣多省事，不願意的就走，願意的我們正好兩全其美。免得像一些迂迴了半天，兩人都不小心的栽進去，害了女孩不說，更害了自己。誤事！當時我覺得對呀，這滿合乎科學的。可是往後想想，又覺得不對勁，說不出是不是因為以為這種事對高中生來說是嫌太早了，只是，只是這種沒有什麼感情的sex豈不是件太沉淪的事嗎？ 卡洛有張像嬰孩潔淨的臉，七分側面時又有些卡露貝克的倔強味。她能與我在任何方面談得頗攏。一提到小童的話，卡洛不禁又大大的罵了番，我明白她跟我一樣在情感方面很有點潔癖，女孩兒是水，男孩兒是泥，我們都不願意迷迷糊糊的蹚渾水。 這一切使我想起了小四。小四有回講一個乖女孩和一個不乖男孩的事。講完後，拍拍膝慨歎道：唉，我原當她是個多貞潔的女孩！當下我不禁愣住了，我只想反問小四，有沒想過那個乖女孩是真喜歡那個不乖男孩的呢？若果是，又該怎麼說呢？小四接著又說：我還是喜歡純度較高的女孩。我不禁答道：你娶個嬰孩好了！小四是個有才氣的男孩，他有那種在初識人的短短數分鐘內，把對方懾得頗為自卑的功夫，因為他會講托爾斯泰、杜斯妥也夫斯基、三島由紀夫，及他們N多的巨書，我是個不讀書的懶人，所以我很怕小四。但是我也有瞧不起小四的時候，我瞧不起他成天談如何在醉夢溪畔溫馬子，談完再嘆口氣：我還是喜歡純度 陳明的事曾經在同學間引起過一番波動。例如卡洛這個從小就立志要讀政治的女孩也不禁考慮要改念法律，來狠狠的把每一個犯強姦罪的人都給判個吊刑。我想過這樁事的，像歷史老師說的盜竊者剁手，強姦犯則叫他當宦官，這些都不是解決之道。我是說，如果有一天，人們能將遭遇這種事的女孩，看做只是跌了一跤，那麼對受害人的心情和未來是否會有些助益？因為就目前看來，即使犯者被判了重刑，還是沒法彌補一絲受害人身心的創傷的。就是說，雖然有嚴重的刑罰，但這就是像平時我們把單車保養得好好的，技術練得純熟，可是依然有不小心摔著的時候，重要的是，我們就當把受害人視做是騎單車摔了跤，跌破了皮，洗洗雙氧水，塗上紅汞，再一塊ＯＫ繃，就沒事了。 我曉得這樣很難，因為sex原就不同於人體其他任何一方面的生理，貞操的觀念又已經那麼根深蒂固了，可如何能使人將這樣的受創視做平平呢？我還是喜歡我的老老中國的洞房花燭夜。那該是紅燭燒得整個世界都紅通通的，新郎新娘兩人隔著老遠正襟危坐得抖抖顫顫。那好像真是遙遠，鳳冠霞帔大紅花轎，似乎都理所當然該在外雙溪的故宮博物院裡頭。 小童是個常會令人想念起的男孩，他聰明，又漂亮。但是一回聽他講到如何在舞會完後，以一擋十打發走一群小混混們，我看他說得神采飛揚不免插嘴問他，若考不上大學，重考的一年可要如何？小童聳聳肩，瀟灑的一笑：跳舞跳一年嘛。不曉得他是不是因為對正經的事情總也要不正經。但是我一向不喜歡沒有志氣的人。我自己常常會無端的生起些無名的豪氣，想要這樣要那樣，冷靜下來後，想到我的數學，我的不愛讀書，赫塞在車輪下書中的一句話，他覺得自己好像是個初戀的青年：實踐著偉大英雄的行為，卻沒有能力履行日常的無聊乏趣的功課。但是這些絲毫不曾折我一分豪氣。因為我以為但凡人只要有志氣，不論在世間的眼光來衡量他是得志與否，他都一定會成事的，一定會的。 半夜三點起來Ｋ地理。先在冰箱摸弄了半天，實在找不著吃的，就打開明天的便當來吃，順手拿起沙林傑的麥田捕手。我好喜歡這本書，說不上來的，或許一直覺得我一定比任何人都瞭解荷頓。我記得高二上學期時最喜歡做的事，是每晚穿著件大大的藍色絨睡衣，盤腿坐在床上彈吉他唱歌，唱唱再縮到被窩裡想事情。十一月的明朗星空有東坡的眼睛，月光睡在我腳頭，我總抱著沙林傑，或許是打開熱熱鬧鬧的杜月笙傳，看看上海十里洋場的白相人。有時瞪著黑漆漆的夜晚，我想他們必定都在那兒飄著，俯視著我。想到這些，會覺得死生著實本沒什麼差別的，死了的日子不也很好嗎？我可以跟國父、拿破崙，和我的很多古人們一起羽扇綸巾，一起煮酒論英雄，不過又想到做鬼的生活未必是那般的閒，可能也有黑社會惡勢力什麼的，就睡了。 吃完便當，拿起地理課本，一會兒又開始打瞌睡了。以後是不停的疲於奔命於書桌和床舖之間。天亮雞啼時，正好看了兩章地理，真真丟臉。 突然又興起要到總統府前看升旗，可是還是給趕脫了早班車，到的時候，國旗已迎風飄飄在空中了。只好拿著地理課本在學校附近盪盪。我最喜歡介壽公園裡如海濤一般的蝴蝶樹，亮亮翠翠的綠，還有些白石墫子和紅雕欄，不知怎麼的總讓我想到北海公園，不是實質的，味道吧，都很有些六朝金粉的帝王氣象，會想到那個風雲際會的五四，熱鬧新鮮又活潑，真真是一個時代。 摘了一片蝴蝶葉和一朵車棚旁的七里香給橘兒，然後又口齒不清的在講我的新東西，講得又急又要笑。橘兒桌上攤著數學筆記靜靜的聽著，也只有她會這般。每回上課我在謄稿，她就一張一張的接去看，中午寫迷了心，她就把自己的飯盒拿來給我，我的多半在上午就已陸陸續續的吃光了。我知道橘兒並不以為我的東西有什麼了不得之處，而且她常淡淡的潑你Ｎ加侖冷水，但是我知道也只有她相信她的好朋友是偉大的。 講著講著，小鬼也探過頭來插嘴。 大人的事，小孩管什麼管！我故意兇她，她倒也真的氣得臉頰鼓鼓的轉回頭去。其實小鬼要比我大上一歲，可是只要一看到她的團團臉，一眨一眨的黑眼睛，總就忍不住又要撩她。小鬼是印尼僑生，她是個很有大家風範的女孩，跟她當了半年鄰居後，我也深受薰陶學會了好些事，例如該常常洗手，指甲才不會留月牙，裙褶不只是在開學註冊時才要有的，頭髮梳了跟沒梳還是有差別的。小鬼對什麼事的看法都很健康，我和黃玫在看查泰萊時，她也吵吵閒閒的要插一腳，其實照她這樣對sex也有很健康態度的女孩，是該由著她的，可是我還是要去兇她：這也好看，小鬼快快長大了再說！我一向希望自己是個乖乖靜靜的孩子，但是看了小鬼後又不然，我會更希望自己是個壞孩子，而這世界上有一個小鬼這樣的個小天使來帶我，那種向上的途程必定是種美好。 橘兒問數學讀得如何，我盡是一臉笑意，原來悲極生樂也對。橘兒替我算了算數學成績，這學期的小考沒有一回上過四十分，三次月考平均正好是三十分，小蝦我看你是補考定了。我聽了還是沒什麼概念，補考和聯考一樣是樁沾不到我的遙遠事。我是管不得這許多的。 數學、地理考得一團糟，不過終歸是考完了。小靜要趕十二點的對號快回苗栗，橘兒家裡有事，老鄧、貓咪、小蘇更是個個分散。好難過，我一人拖著書包死站在校門口的圓環不走，任憑橘兒百般逼我我亦不理，只覺滿腹委屈，怎麼我老是常有雖千萬人吾往矣的感覺呢？好像生來與什麼東西都叛逆不和，好累人的。 在衡陽路上盪，正好碰到匆匆趕路的卡洛。打個招呼，原來她要趕十二點半的大地震，不知為什麼，卡洛一直給我一種望道而有與謀的感覺，或許我們兩人碰在一起就愛談政治，或許她是個老讓人不覺要肅然起敬的堅毅Ｏ型，總之每一跟她在一起，我總會生出一份責任感，要好好的重新正視自己。此刻我們在看電影上也是賞心有侶，詠志有知。 從國賓震得昏頭昏腦出來，一抬頭，大世界正是傾國傾城。我一向不會想去看國片的，因為只要看點電影介紹裡的預告片就夠了。國片幾乎用一個字來說就夠了，濫！可是我和卡洛互望一眼，兩人沒一句話就朝戲院走，或許剛從科技文明走出來，想發發思古之幽情。 李翰祥到底還是個有才情的人。有些文章，有些電影，只要看上幾句，看上幾景，看看作者抓的東西，馬上就可以感到作者是不是個有才情的人。就是這樣，傾國傾城中，我最喜歡的是一開始的時候，文武百官在北京城的晨霧中上朝的一幕，雖說只是短短的一個小吏太監們從榻舖上紛紛起身的鏡頭，卻叫人不禁要吸一口氣，這真是一個連沒落都沒落得很盛壯的朝代啊！ 李察昆的電影也都不如何，但是為了蘇絲黃的世界的開頭，我也要認為他是有些情調的人。蘇絲黃的世界也是個賣弄東方色彩的電影，可是片頭華麗熱鬧的音樂一響，香港碼頭裡出出進進的船隻，真是多少恨？昨夜夢魂中，還似舊時遊上苑，車如流水馬如龍，花月正春風！我和卡洛同看了兩年的電影，一向是她帶手帕，而我等在一邊取笑她，沒想到這回電影一開始，座中泣下誰最多的，竟是 我曾經聽過一男孩說，他們班上在考中國近代史時，曾有人哭著衝出教室，因為他實在寫不下去。但是我從來沒有這一類的感覺，因為中國是個鮮活熱鬧的民族，是個政治的民族，再怎樣動蕩悲戚的時代也都是為江山代有才人出，各領風騷五百年。 我和卡洛到美的去吃咖哩牛肉麵，兩人吃著也不說話。店裡正流著一首，Laughter in the Rain，我一直很喜歡這首歌，那碎碎的貝斯鼓聲老會讓人想到是雨打芭蕉，然後該是一個涼涼綠綠的五月天。小童乾乾淨淨走出我的世界。 我和卡洛都高估了對方的荷包，兩人站在櫃臺前面掏空了口袋，正好是just make，可是小費卻付不出了，兩人正糗糗的站著，經理來說學生算了，我們就稱謝走了。 出得門來，街上正是一片艷陽天，我忽然想到瀛臺中的光緒帝，想到晨曦中的北京城，那個冷得不見冰雪都知人們正在畫九九消寒圖的時代。 眨眨眼睛，我覺著累了。西門町是一片Lobo的歌聲，但是我也曾聽過蟬鳴聲；中華路上是一片車子的廢氣，但是我也曾經嗅到過橘紅玫瑰的香甜。但是又怎麼樣呢？青春有時是件累人的事。