Chapter 21 twenty one

When the strange man finished telling me the story, it was already past three o'clock in the morning on January 2.Except for lunch and dinner, when he temporarily stopped talking, he never stopped talking at other times. He drank while talking, and when he finished the Fen wine, he drank the vegetarian wine in the temple.Strangely, he drank more than two catties of wine, but he was not drunk at all. By the time he finished telling the story, I was terribly tired, though I felt a great sense of humor.To be honest, he also said a long paragraph at the end, briefly mentioning the situation of the past ten years, but I couldn't hear it clearly. At this time, I was already dizzy and dozed off.I think he must have stopped talking after he noticed that I was dozing off.Therefore, I only vaguely remember the last few words he said: Repeatedly told me not to use what he said as material for an article, otherwise, I would be a sinner and so on.Also, I remember one more thing: the hat he is wearing now is the same hat he wore on New Year's Eve ten years ago.The overcoat he was wearing was the one he would wear during the few days when he was about to part with her.He had never brushed or washed this coat, because it had her tears, touches, kisses, and hugs on it.

Regarding the ten years of life he mentioned, if I have to search for memories reluctantly, I vaguely remember the following passage: This seems to be a little harvest, a little crystallization of his years of tossing and struggling in the ocean of life. He looked at me tiredly with his big deep eyes, with an infinite sense of contemplation: In life, you can often encounter an irresistible mysterious resistance.This kind of resistance, when you are young, does not seem very heavy. Sometimes, as long as you grit your teeth, shake your head, and say no, it seems to retreat.However, as you age, the wrinkles on your forehead deepen and become stronger day by day.In the end, you don't even have the courage to shake your head and say no.No, it's not that I don't have the courage, it's that I don't have interest!When you're young, you think this kind of shaking your head is admirable.After middle age, you feel that this shaking of the head is extremely ridiculous.Finally, you admit that it is an unstoppable existence.It is like a lion demon in mythology, cut off its head, and its second head will grow back immediately.Cut off the second, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth.This kind of taste, a young man can't appreciate it.You have to wait until the first gray hair appears on your head before you can start chewing.The tragedy between me and Aurelia just made me experience this feeling early.For the next ten years, it got worse and worse day by day, until I couldn't breathe.I finally understand: the more serious the pursuit of happiness is, the less likely it is to obtain happiness.On the contrary, people who don't pursue it very much often hang around him!

After saying this, he sighed deeply. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon on January 2, I woke up.When he opened his eyes, the strange man was gone.I was lying on the bed myself.From the pillow, I only saw a note he left, with only a few words on it: friend: My work is done and I'm leaving.I beg you: do not, under any circumstances, publish this story of mine.Otherwise, even if I become a ghost, I will hate you! one person After reading the note, I was stunned for a long time.I thought: This man is really mysterious and weird, where has he gone? I searched all over the mountain, but couldn't find him.I asked the Taoist priests and long-term workers in the temple, and they all said they didn't know.This boring gourd is really unpredictable.

After running for a while, it was dusk before I knew it.On this day, I couldn't go down the mountain, so I had to stay in the temple for another night. I sat alone in the living room blankly.Looking at the empty wine bottles, empty wine glasses, and leftovers on the table, I couldn't help but miss that strange guest even more.That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep.Thinking of the stories he told, I felt inexplicably curious and excited.What he said, the more I think about it, the more interesting it becomes.I really regret that I was so tired at that time, and I just dozed off while sitting on the chair.But how did I sleep in bed afterwards?He must have helped me into the room.I am so confused that I don't know.That's pretty darn damn good.

Regret is useless, it is still important to go down the mountain.I decided to leave the next day. After making this decision, I put on my clothes and sat up, and simply did not sleep.I thought it was a big mistake to fall asleep after listening to such a story.The strange storyteller has already left, and tomorrow morning, I will leave too.This night, I snored like the ancient ancestor Chen Tuan at the foot of the mountain, that is really a strange thing! It was exactly two o'clock in the middle of the night.I leaned against the glass window and looked out of the window.The snow never fell again, and Mount Hua was still covered in heavy snow.The mountains and the mountains are all white, and there are still some high and low arctic icebergs everywhere.The world in my vision is still a silver universe, the difference is that I feel no longer as relaxed as two days ago.This piece of silver universe, it seems that it is no longer so transparent, white and fragrant.It seems a bit hazy, dull, cloudy.Although the surroundings still surrounded me like a white dreamscape, the dreamland began to divide and become fragmented.In this illusion, I saw the pines hanging upside down between the crevices of the rocks. Although it is a piece of jade white, its shape is curved.In other giant trees on the mountain, the branches were bent due to the heavy load due to the snow.Many small grasses were all overwhelmed by the silver Qiongxue.A gust of wind blew by, and some snow spots kept falling from the branches.From time to time, the entire Huashan Mountain seems to be filled with pieces of mysterious snow vapor, scattered mistly like rime.

I looked, looked, and there was a hazy, blurred, trance in my mind. I thought: what should I do?what should we do?How can we put up with this strange man and reward him for this story?I thought again: Is he a real person?Or a Phantom?Is his story real or a mirage?I think about it again, the me at this moment: I myself, what is the real me?Or a Phantasm? oh god!this kind?Symbols, I am afraid we will never be able to draw them clearly.I thought about it and asked myself, one after another?Next, I finally made myself like the white snow scene outside the window, a little hazy, wandering, bleak, unpredictable, seemingly invisible, colored or colorless, lighted or dark.Oh, this beautiful and terrible and real and unreal me!He was leaning against the window so stupidly, staring at the snow scene foolishly!

Maybe, no matter how much he hates me, no matter how I will miss my appointment, one day, I will tell this story to others, no matter what form it is. But these spiritual voices of mine were heard by no one outside the window, and no one answered them. There were only gusts of mountain wind blowing by from time to time, and gusts of snow beads, snow dots, like clouds and mist, kept falling from the trees, and the snow was still falling. In the snow, the white still disappears in the white.These are my answers. Ah, God, these two months have been a waste of time for me to recuperate, maybe my brain fatigue will recur again.

I pushed open the window, and started a new meditation in a burst of cold air.A possibly never-ending meditation. Once again, I let myself feel deeply immersed in this mysterious and misty white snow scene. (First draft from November 9th to 29th, Republic of China; revised in January 1970, Republic of China)