Chapter 9 Chapter 3 Nanjing 5

The next morning, fifty teachers who had gone to the farm gathered at the gate of the water yard.A bright red banner was hung above the iron gate, with words cut out of gold paper pasted on it: Warmly send off the teachers and workers to the May 7th Cadre School!The freshman carried Xin Mei's luggage to the school gate on a bicycle, and after a few words of advice, he went to work by himself.The school opened two trucks to load people and luggage.The leaders of each department and the head of the teaching and research group came to see them off, and Comrade Hu Fei personally came to say goodbye to everyone.Amidst waving and cheering, the truck drove away from the water yard.

The task of this batch of labor reformers who came to the farm was to raise and transplant rice seedlings.Due to the shortage of manpower, farm work has been delayed.After the Qingming Festival, early rice could have been planted, but the farm had just started raising seedlings, and the field had not yet been fully plowed, and only half of the fertilizer had been sprinkled.The farm director is a hydrology teacher, and he is a layman in farming, but he gets up early every day and works until dark. As an example, other teachers dare not be lazy, and the morale of labor is very high. Xin Mei shared a room with five other female teachers, and they were very polite and took care of each other.I heard that she was afraid of the cold, so I let her sleep on the lower bunk, and brought her a lot of new straw, which was more than a foot thick, and she slept no less than a spring bed.Each person was given a shoulder pole, a pair of cloth shoulder pads for carrying the load, a shovel and a straw hat, all of which were kept by themselves.

At first, women were sent to fertilize.There is a lot of rain this spring. In mid-April, the northern Jiangsu, which has always had little rain, started to rain intermittently, often in continuous drizzle.When it rains heavily, all labor in the fields stops.At this time, everyone was divided into groups in the dormitory to read the Criticism of the Gotha Program, study the documents criticizing Lin, or write big-character posters, draw political posters, and plaster all the walls of the dining room. At noon this day, it was drizzling again, and the teachers and staff were eating.Suddenly a car came and drove straight to the entrance of the dining room.I don't know who saw it first, and announced loudly: Nanjing is coming!Everyone ran out to watch.Holding the bowl, Xin Mei excitedly followed the others to the door.

Xiao Ma was the first to jump out of the car, followed by people from the political work team, carrying a briefcase, which turned out to be a delivery of study documents. Seeing Xiao Ma, Xin Mei took the opportunity to joke: Hey, why are you also taking the 57th road?It is only the stinky intellectuals who want to be reformed through labor, and you workers are in charge of everything! Pony was very happy to see her, and hurriedly took something into his pocket with one hand. Don't be sarcastic, Mr. Xin, I'm here to learn from you!Originally, my father was asked to guide the raising and transplanting of seedlings, but the weather has been humid recently, and he suffered from wind and leg pain, so he sent me to make up the number.Here, your teacher Tao has a letter!

He took out a letter, and many people immediately gathered around to see if there was any for him.He sorted out Tao Xinsheng's letter and gave it to Xin Mei before distributing it to others. When I came to the farm, I only received a text message from the freshman, reporting that the family of three was safe.This is the second letter, densely written on one page with two sides, it feels more precious.Xin Mei swallowed the leftovers indiscriminately, found a secluded window, put down the bowls and chopsticks, and unfolded the letter to read. Amei: I met Xiao Ma yesterday and said that he was going to work on the farm for a few days and was willing to bring me something.I don't think you need anything, so I entrust him with a letter.

The department is finally going to liberate Li Yongzhong.He was released the day before yesterday and studied politics with us every morning.The team leader didn't mention anything except that he had a good attitude in pleading guilty and explained clearly.Some say this is an expression of his liberation.If this counts as liberation, I am very angry.A person has been locked up like a prisoner for so long, and he has been charged with a lot of crimes. There should be an explanation for what crimes he really committed, and he can't just let it go like this.In terms of Li Yongzhong's background, education and performance, what other people can expect to receive such treatment?I can't figure it out.

Yongzhong was alone in the group and hadn't spoken to anyone yet.He doesn't seem to be angry, but he has cold eyebrows and cold eyes. He doesn't know whether he sees everything or hates everything.I don't know what kind of physical persecution and mental torture he suffered during his imprisonment, but looking at that pale and thin face and that indifferent expression, I don't even want to imagine it.Amei, you sighed because I had a few gray hairs, how surprised you would be when you saw Yongzhong.He is four years younger than me. I haven't seen him for a few months, but his temples are all white!I don't know what he's thinking at the moment, if I were him, I'm afraid it would be blank.

Master Luo talked to me once, to the effect that he advised me to work in Nanjing with peace of mind.He said that the procedures for transferring to Sichuan were very complicated, the security there was poor, and the living conditions were far worse than those in Nanjing, so he asked me to give up.In the end, he said that if I insisted on returning to my hometown to work, the school would also be willing to report it to the higher authorities on my behalf.I told him no need.I thought, I don't really want to go back to Sichuan.You're right, it's the same everywhere you go.Unless you flee abroad, in today's China, the age of hermits is gone forever.

Xiaoye coughed a little, but rarely heard him wheezing.Dr. He said that his problem will be eradicated when he grows up.She took the child to Xuanwu Lake last Sunday, and took Tao Lian to play all afternoon.The children are fine, don't worry.They are our hope and must be your comfort in the future. We all miss you. Be sure to destroy the letter immediately after reading it.take care. Freshmen April 23rd Xin Mei carefully read the letter twice before tearing it into pieces and putting it in her trouser pocket. Outside the window, the rain fell silently, weaving the sky and the field into one, making the blue gray and light green blend together.She looked at the place where the rain's feet stopped, and there was a touch of joy in her heart.Yongzhong was really liberated.The unexpected speed of the news should have made people happy, but it was greatly detracted from the sombre tone of the new student.Will Yongzhong have a day of despair?What does he think?Xin Mei couldn't imagine his feelings at this time, but he will see the light of day, and he will finally liberate Xinsheng.Logically, she should also have a relaxed and happy experience of being freed from the shackles, but unexpectedly, she has added new worries and concerns.It's like looking forward to the rain after the rain, but in exchange for the drizzle outside the window, it never stops.

After staring at the rain for a while, Xin Mei picked up the dishes and went to the sink outside the kitchen to wash the dishes.There were only three or two people left to eat in the dining room, and the others all went to take a nap.After she finished washing the dishes, she walked through the dining room to go back to the dormitory, only to find that Xiao Ma was eating steamed buns by herself. Why are you eating so late?When she passed by, she asked with concern, are all the dishes sold out? I eat steamed buns because I don't need food, Xiao Ma replied indifferently.Just now I was only busy greeting and chatting with people, and I didn't care about eating.Sit down, Mr. Xin.

He stood up and set a whole bench for her.Anyway, she didn't feel sleepy, so Xin Mei sat down and chatted with him. Are you still used to working?pony asked her. Habit.In the past two days, it has rained and cannot go to the fields, and they are all criticizing Lin Biao.After the rain is over, hurry up and plant the rice seedlings. Then you will be the master, Xiao Ma. I don’t dare to do it. I only learned farming from my father after the school started to run a farm. I’m no better than you.May Day is coming, is there any celebration? I rehearsed several entertainment programs, but nothing exciting.Do you have any good tricks? Good show?The pony parted his face, revealing a mouthful of white teeth.People want to listen to Mr. Xin's model opera most! Come on, don't expose me again!Xin Mei begged with a smile. Pony really stopped laughing and told her in all seriousness that I've never seen a model play, not even a remake of a model play! How can it be?Xin Mei didn't believe it.Model plays are ubiquitous and pervasive! I have the ability to play tricks, Xiao Ma lowered his voice, but he couldn't suppress his arrogance, he didn't even look at the knife on his neck! Xin Mei nodded in admiration and silently gave him a thumbs up.She suddenly found that Xiao Ma's facial expressions resembled Li Yongzhong's, with a sense of confidence and stubbornness, while Xiao Ma was younger, and sometimes even showed pride.She even thought of his refusal to apply for college. Xiao Ma, I never had a chance to ask you, why don't you miss college? He was stuffing the remaining steamed buns into his mouth, when he heard the word "university", he only had time to snort.After chewing carelessly twice, the steamed bun was swallowed. Teacher Xin, I don't mean you, Xiao Ma said hello first.Now this kind of university is a waste of time to study.I don't want to go to this kind of university.Gorky did not go to university, took society as his school, and finally wrote an immortal masterpiece.This proves that you don't have to go to college to do great things. Xin Mei naturally agrees with his point of view, but she can't help but feel puzzled when she thinks that he won't let go of the paper.What do you want to do, pony? writing a novel. The answer stunned her.She opened her eyes wide and looked carefully at the young man in front of her.He had a serious expression on his face, without any intention of playing or playing. What do you think?His tone was defensive. Of course, Xin Mei hurriedly said.Writers are one of the best professions in China, as long as they are recognized, they will receive high salaries, free travel and visits, no published works, and no need to struggle for bread like Gorky I'm not that kind of boilerplate writer!The pony interrupted her, and hurriedly waved his hands in protest.The kind of answerers who follow the baton around and only know how to praise the party and leaders are not suitable!I am not saying that I am a genius, but I really want to honestly write about the experience of our generation of youth during the Cultural Revolution, what ideals we had at the beginning, and how we suffered setbacks later.I don't want to set any dogmas and doctrines, I just want to faithfully record our struggles and hesitation, and study why our ideals are disillusioned.This is of course my wish. I don't know if I can write it or not.I am thinking about a few issues right now, and I cannot easily draw conclusions: For example, was the Cultural Revolution a temporary event, or was it an inevitable outcome of Mao Zedong's regime?To ask for this answer, I have to read more books, Chinese history and foreign countries, right, Mr. Xin? Xin Mei was fascinated by listening all the way, and then she just nodded her head as if she was in trouble.But these theoretical issues can be discussed slowly, and she is most concerned about practical issues. Ma, how do you publish your work? Because he was talking vigorously, his eyes were shining brightly, and he couldn't restrain the excitement in his heart, so he raised one foot early and put it on the bench.Xin Mei's question didn't pour cold water on him. He clenched his fist and hit the dining table lightly. Although the echo was small, he was full of confidence. I can't tell you now if there are channels available.The point is that Mao Zedong used us, but he also educated us, making us smarter and more mature than before. I will tell you slowly later.The most important thing now is that someone writes something that may not be published today, but there will be a chance in ten or twenty years! Ten years, twenty years.These two numbers sounded a little far away at first, but after she chewed on them, they suddenly seemed so close that they were within reach.Compared with a quarter of a century since the founding of the country, compared with any dynasty in history, what is ten or twenty years? She has heard of underground literature, and has always been skeptical, not believing that a well-organized society has room for its survival.Xiao Ma's words really confirmed this rumor. You are studying history. I want to ask you to learn this knowledge in the future, okay? I don't dare to study, but I must know everything about you. Pony nodded gratefully.Suddenly, his eyes that were as bright as torches focused on Xin Mei's face. I know you will keep it a secret for me, Mr. Xin.We all admire Teacher Tao's refusal to betray his friend's integrity.It's rare that both of you have principles.How about this, when I write something decent, I'll have a look with you first, okay? OK! Xiao Ma's words moved her, and her eyes suddenly became moist.Apart from this simple word, she couldn't say anything else. Xiao Ma stood up happily and picked up the bowl and chopsticks. Let's talk about it later. After speaking, he waved his hands and strode towards the kitchen without looking back. Xin Mei stood up involuntarily, her eyes followed his back in blue overalls, her mind was as excited as the sea water at high tide, and the waves were higher than the waves.I am used to seeing this thin and strange young man, who knows that with just a few words, the ordinary blue cloth back suddenly becomes tall and majestic like a mountain.The figure disappeared in a blink of an eye, but she was still reluctant to leave, and stood there bewilderedly, beginning to recall every word he said, they were like echoes in the valley, lingering in her heart. It turns out that not everyone is willing to suffer silently!She only knows now.In this society that is controlled like an iron barrel, when is a rebellious force brewing!Where there is rebellion, there is hope. After all, China's future belongs to the younger generation. What she is most excited about is the opportunity to contribute bricks and tiles, not just stand by.This awakening especially excited her, since she has something to do, do she have to go out to wander again?The determination that had been built up for several months, like a fortress built with painstaking efforts, was dug away by Xiao Ma's few words.She felt no shame or remorse for her wavering.The new student was right, she discovered, half right.Going abroad was a deliberate escape, he was right; but it was wrong to stay and pass the time passively. In today's China, the hermit era is gone forever! The words in the freshmen's letter rang in my ears again.This time, she believed that she understood its meaning, and a smile appeared on her face.Freshmen must also realize that they should not retire, they must regain their strength and join the ranks of struggle. Thinking of this, she suddenly changed her mind, wishing she could fly to him immediately and tell him her inner feelings.Wait until the labor is over, she comforted herself, and then he could use the facts to boost his confidence. The rain has been falling, and the farm has begun to take measures to prevent waterlogging.All the male laborers were sent out to dredge the ditches, and the females stayed in the dormitory to prepare for the Labor Day entertainment program.The rice seedlings have grown very handsome, but God is against me and cannot be inserted into the field. On the last day of April, the sky suddenly cleared up early in the morning.The vegetable field was flooded, and the women were called to divert and grab the vegetables.When they came back from work at noon, they were all covered in mud.After washing their hands and going to the dining room, everyone had to stand up to eat, fearing that the mud on the trousers would dirty the bench.When Xin Mei was halfway through eating, she suddenly heard the sound of a car horn.She looked sideways and saw a car was parked at the entrance of the dining room. car?A woman spoke quickly, and guessed first: some leading comrade must have come down to inspect the farm. Maybe check out the disaster.Xin Mei answered casually. After a while, the farm director came into the dining room with the driver, Lao Bao.The director found Xin Mei and whispered to her: Comrade Xin Mei, pack up and go back to Nanjing after dinner.The courtyard wants you to go back immediately. Want me to go back?Xin Mei was very strange.Is there a problem? The farm director looked a little embarrassed. He was originally a straightforward teacher, but he stuttered for a while. I don't know either, it's probably because you have something to do at home, so I want you to go back and have a look.After lunch, Lao Bao will take you back in the original car. Teacher Xin, I eat very fast, it will be ready in five minutes! In order to show that he was really fast in doing things, Lao Bao ran to the kitchen after speaking, while reaching for the ticket clip in his pocket. Seeing that she was so nervous, Xin Mei's heart sank, and she guessed that Tao Ye was seriously ill.In the past, when she was working in a coal mine, she was called back suddenly, only to find that Tao Lian had pneumonia and was in the hospital. The lesbians also guessed what was on her mind and came over to comfort her one after another. Don't panic, Xiao Xin, the child's illness comes and goes quickly, so don't be too nervous.With your old Tao at his side to take care of him, nothing will happen. The director also encouraged her: Don't be afraid, there is a party to rely on!The most important thing is to finish your meal first.It doesn't matter whether you bring your clothes with you or not, we will find someone to take them back for you in the future. Xin Mei forced herself to finish her meal, went back to the dormitory, changed into clean clothes, and hastily packed a small package.The director exhorted a few words of concern, personally sent her to the car, and watched them drive away from the gate of the farm. Lao Bao was the driver assigned to Hu Fei by the courtyard. Xin Mei only knew him by face. She had never talked to him before and knew nothing about him.However, he seemed to be quite familiar with the affairs of the Tao family, and he especially admired Tao Xinsheng.During the drive, he raised it several times. Teacher Tao is so nice!He complimented Xinmei: He just came to the water courtyard and was wearing cloth clothes and shoes. I felt that this person was hard and simple, and he didn't have the airs of an overseas student.When the whole school is sent to work in the coal mine, who doesn't praise Teacher Tao?He is the first foreign student to go to the mine: he doesn't mind the dirty work, he rushes to do it, good job! Old Bao, you are too flattering!Xin Mei was happy to hear that, and couldn't help being humble for her husband. Hey, I'm the only one who praises it, but it's useless!I want everyone to praise me!Neither he nor Li Yongzhong were hit by the mine collapse that time, so I just said, these two people are called Jiren, Tianxiang Youtian bless you! Hearing about Li Yongzhong, Xin Mei deliberately asked, "Li Yongzhong, is he still under quarantine inspection?" let go!let go!Lao Bao yelled loudly, as if to announce the good news to his own brother.I just bumped into him yesterday, and there's no one around, I swear!It doesn’t matter if you say it now, you know, I was in the same faction as him during the Cultural Revolution, and we were old comrades in arms!I drove him several times and sent him to various universities to give lectures.He is amazing, with empty hands, he can stand on the stage for an hour or two without hesitation!He was the first one to call to other places to learn Buddhist scriptures in series.The students admired him very much, and followed him around, it was so lively!Our Water Institute was not well-known at first, but it was only during the Cultural Revolution that it became one of the three major universities in Nanjing.Here, I speak with conscience, Li Yongzhong has no credit, but also hard work! that is.This time he was punished, I didn't expect it at all, Xin Mei said regretfully: He has always been a popular person. I think most of them are involved.Lao Bao's tone was very sure.Don't you listen to the gun and shoot the bird?Of course, showing off makes enemies.However, Mr. Li has a good background, and the descendants of revolutionary martyrs will still be relied on and reused in the future. If you don’t believe it, I can guarantee it! Seeing that a driver had full confidence in Li Yongzhong, Xin Mei felt happy for her friend.She hurriedly nodded and agreed: Teacher Li has a lot of ability, and he will definitely stand out in the future! When the car approached Liuhe, all the low-lying farms along the way showed signs of being flooded, and the ditches beside the road were all rippling with yellow muddy water. In the past few days, it has been raining heavily in the lower reaches of the Yangtze River, isn't it heavy in Nanjing?Xin Mei asked Lao Bao curiously. Why not big!Everyone said that the Soviet revisionists and the U.S. imperialists had too many hydrogen bomb explosions, making the climate abnormal.It rained so much in spring, breaking the record!Two days ago, the water level of the Yangtze River was still increasing day by day.The weather forecast was also inaccurate, saying that the heavy rain would continue, and everyone was asked to take flood prevention measures.Didn't Baguazhou flood once last year?This time, some of the food they pre-stored was transported by boat to the gate of the pasture, and then sent to the car in bags, transported to our water yard, and stored in the gymnasium.Many teachers and workers went to help carry the rice, and I also carried it. It turns out that Nanjing has been so nervous for a while!Xin Mei was a little surprised.Well, now that the sun is out, there is no flood after all. that is.Lao Bao gave Xin Mei a squinting look, and hesitated for a while before continuing: "The rain stopped last night, and you teacher Tao went to carry rice too."I heard it worked until midnight. Xin Mei let out an oh, not surprised.Freshmen always go forward when they encounter this kind of thing. His group didn't want him to go because you were not at home, but he said that the child was taken care of and he must go.Teacher Tao's selfless spirit is worth learning! This is what he should do. She is humble for her husband again and serves the people. The freshman was praised by others, which gave her the joy of sharing the honor for a while, but the concern for the child was always lingering in her mind.Lao Bao admired Xin Xin's work and neglected his personal interests. On the contrary, she was embarrassed to mention her children. She only hoped to get home earlier and see them with her own eyes before she could feel relieved. But Lao Bao drove the car straight to the school.At the school gate, workers are setting up shelves, squinting to put up slogans celebrating May Day under the slanting sun.The long-lost sunshine is trying to melt the red and black characters and turn them into one piece; the big ink characters seem to be bathed in blood, so black that it makes people tremble.The car honked its horn twice, drove into the iron gate, and stopped in front of the hillside where the Revolutionary Committee of the Academy was located. Xin Mei opened the car door, looked up and saw the gray-haired head of Comrade Hu Fei appearing on the top of the steps.With a gloomy face, he waved to her as he stepped down the steps.Xin Mei thought she was looking for something, so she rushed to meet her. Comrade Xin Mei!Hu Fei embraced one of her hands with both hands and squeezed it tightly, as if he wanted to instill his strength into the other party.You are a very brave comrade, let's go and talk slowly. Supported by him, Xin Mei stepped up the steps, full of suspicion and fear, not knowing what happened at home. my children they The white-haired head shook slightly, Xin Mei stopped talking and looked at her. It was Comrade Tao, who accidentally fell into the water when he was carrying rice to get off the boat last night.It's because we didn't take good care of it, and the school must take full responsibility!Too careless!We searched and salvaged all night and found it in the morning salvage?Xin Mei didn't understand.She stopped, opened her mouth, and stared fixedly at his snow-white head.He got the wrong person, she thought, the freshman could swim, he had a medal once.Hu Fei was not talking about him, she shook her head affirmatively. I know you are brave!Hu Fei held her hand tightly, emphasizing it repeatedly.Comrade Tao Xinsheng dedicated himself to serving the people, and we are all deeply saddened.But people cannot be resurrected after death, the most important thing is to take over his revolutionary stick and move on! He supported Xin Mei to walk up.At the end of the steps is the office of the Revolutionary Committee of the Academy, where Master Luo and Xiao Mai stand. Xiao Mai hugged Xin Mei and whispered in her ear: What an unfortunate accident!But what an honor he died!Sacrifice for public service is a role model for the masses, don't be too sad Master Luo patted Xin Mei's shoulder lightly, and muttered in his mouth: "Everything you believe in the party, leave it to the party!" Xinmei looked around, trying to find her husband to prove that they were all bullshit. If you feel uncomfortable, don't go to see it.Xiao Mai dissuaded her in her ear. Freshmen, where are the freshmen?Xin Mei broke free from Xiao Mai's embrace and wanted to find it by herself.But they don't let go.Suddenly, many people came out and surrounded her.Where she was going, she didn't know, everything was unclear through a layer of fog.She only felt that the setting sun was unusually dazzling, and saw it falling on the roof tiles and bushes, splashing the overturned ink, dripping and dripping down thick and sticky.She lowered her eyes timidly. Finally came to a door.Everyone let go, and she walked in alone.A pair of stretchers were parked on the ground, covered with a white cloth.As soon as her eyes touched the white cloth, her heart skipped a beat, but she lost feeling on the soles of her feet.Someone went over and lifted a corner of the white cloth, revealing a newborn face, swollen and calm. newborn!How can you do this! Shouting, Xin Mei rushed towards the stretcher.As soon as her face touched the cold white cloth, the white cloth gradually darkened until it was pitch black. Seeing her fainted, they hurriedly carried her away. In the next few days, Xin Mei lived in a daze, as if walking in a thick fog, her vision was narrow, and she counted every step she took.The outpouring of grief is like a storm that passes in a blink of an eye, but the devastation and emptiness after the storm is what really hurts.The fright of nightmares is also short-lived, but the weakness after waking is the most lasting.Xin Mei also thought about cheering herself up, but her efforts seemed to be in vain.This is like a drowning person. The hand that broke out of the water gestures empty-handed, but the body sinks deeper and deeper, and finally there is only a circle of ripples on the water, which slowly spreads and disappears in all directions; it only feels nauseated, but there is no fear. I feel that this is the peace of the sinking moment.This realization made her faintly afraid and angry. Maybe it was this self-blame that made her finally come to the surface, she was going to wake up after all. Dr. He can best understand her mood out of personal experience.You are a mother, Xiao Xin, and you have a heavy responsibility This reminder alone forced Xin Mei to face the reality. At the moment when Xin Mei became numb with grief, Dr. He took over the housework.Under her arrangement, grandma moved in again, led Tao Ye to sleep in the east room at night, and took Tao Lian and Mao Mao to the kindergarten in the morning.With these two women taking care of the trivial matters in life, Xin Mei can rest quietly except accepting the condolences from her colleagues. Tao Lian went to kindergarten with his grandma for a few days, and immediately had his own idea.After breakfast that day, he suddenly insisted on leading Maomao to kindergarten. Mom, I can recognize this road even with my eyes closed. He raised his face and begged, Mao Mao listens to me the most, we will not get lost. Xin Mei looked at those bulging round eyes, shining brightly with self-confidence, but actually a kind of childish stubbornness, she hesitated in her heart.She knew that Tao Lian was right, but she was just hesitant to let the child take exercise so early. Tao Ye was too young to understand the sadness of losing his father; in his little memory, his father was not yet a necessary and constant presence.But Tao Lian is different. He has already understood the meaning of death from the experience of the neighbor's children.At first, he cried with his mother a few times, but he soon got used to it, but there was often a serious look on his face, which was not commensurate with his age.At first, Xin Mei was sad because the child was young and ignorant, but once she opened her eyes from the fog, she found that Tao Lian had grown up a lot.He walked on tiptoe, was humble to his younger brother, and even gave him comic books and toys, and he would rather have nothing.This kind of performance of sacrifice surprised her, but after thinking about it, she would rather he keep his previous playfulness and self-willedness.She hoped that Tao Lian's seriousness was temporary, and not as quiet as Feifei, who sometimes seemed to retreat into another world. I will take you to kindergarten.With that said, Xin Mei stood up to comb her hair. You let them go on their own, Xiao Xin.Children need to be independent. Xin Mei turned her head and saw Dr. He had walked in.She was fully dressed and ready to go to work. Tao Lian has become very sensible, Maomao follows him, even I feel at ease! With Dr. He's praise, Xin Mei has no reason to disagree.So Tao Lian happily took Maomao's hand downstairs, looking really like a big brother.Grandma and Xin Mei stood at the stairs watching them off, and Dr. He also leaned against the door and waved frequently. As soon as the child left, Dr. He discussed with the old lady what to buy today.Xin Mei caressed the balusters of the stairs that had peeled off the paint but was smooth to the touch, and looked at the dark brown door of He's house, and found that the paint had begun to peel off.The door of her own house is also dark brown, and the woman at the door is familiar with her homely attitude; she feels that nothing has changed, and the pointer of time has almost stopped.Wasn't it like this last year and the year before last?The same three women are guarding the two homes. The difference is that they used to look forward to the day when a man would return, but now there is no hope at all.All efforts are in vain!she sighed.Like an old donkey pulling a mill, he took off his blindfold and realized that he was still spinning around after walking for a long time. Suddenly, she felt nauseous again, and wondered if she was really ill.But she knew for sure that she was not sick.Since attending the memorial service, people don't want to move, either sitting or lying down.The school doctor came to see her twice, but she couldn't say anything, so she just told her to rest. Watching grandma go out with the vegetable basket, Xin Mei gently closed the door.Tao Ye was sitting on the floor, tearing up an old newspaper that had been wrapped in food. This is a dangerous habit. If Mao Zedong's portrait or quotations are torn, the consequences can be serious.In the past, the child would have scolded him, but Xin Mei let him go today.Poor child, the loss of a father does not know how to grieve, and the mother cannot bear to be more demanding. She opened all the windows to let in fresh air.The mountain opposite Nanshi is green, already in the early summer.Xin Mei stared at this piece of green, and suddenly found a bit of brick red, embedded between the blue sky and green leaves.She looked carefully, and it turned out to be a short brick column, which was emitting a wisp of black smoke at the moment.It turned out to be the chimney of the crematorium. I have lived in it for many years, but I don’t know how to live under its cover day and night!Her heartstrings were shaken again, and she hurriedly withdrew her gaze. This afternoon Hu Fei and Master Luo came to see Xin Mei.Accompanying her was a clerk from the hospital office, who brought Xin Mei a marble box to hold her ashes.As soon as she touched the marble, the familiar coldness passed through her fingers to her heart, stirring up a sad lucidity.Carefully, she placed the box on the chest of drawers, aiming at the portrait of Mao Zedong on the wall, juxtaposed with the photo of Tao Xinsheng.This enlarged black-and-white half-length photo was taken when Xinsheng first arrived in Beijing. In the photo, he smiled brightly, with novelty and longing in his eyes.Grandma specially added a black ribbon folded into a figure-eight shape on the photo frame to add solemnity to the smile. Comrade Xin, are you better?After Hu Fei sat down, he immediately asked about Xin Mei's health with concern.How are the children? We are all well, thank you for your concern. Xin Mei asked Tao Ye to come over to see the guest, and after receiving sympathetic condolences, she asked the old lady to take her to another room. On behalf of the school, Hu Fei expressed sympathy and concern to Xin Mei, asking her to rest at home and not have to worry about farm labor anymore.His attitude is kind, his tone is tactful, and his weathered face is also emphasizing his sincerity and sincerity.Xin Mei silently nodded in acceptance. Master Luo then cleared his throat, and told Xin Mei with a solemn expression: Teacher Tao died on duty, providing a living example for the teachers and students of the school!We are planning to carry out a campaign to criticize Lin as the leading factor, to cooperate with Chairman Mao's old three articles, and to call on everyone to learn from Tao Xinsheng.We must learn from his spirit of loving the motherland and daring to dedicate himself to socialist construction; we must learn from his teachings of destroying private interests and serving the public, and truly serving the people from Chairman Mao.The school plans to hold lectures in various departments, setting off a new upsurge in studying Chairman Mao's works! All the people present turned their eyes to the chest of drawers, lingering between the upper and lower photos.Xin Mei was dumbfounded, not knowing what to do with the honor that was about to be given to the deceased.Her first impulse was to refuse, but after thinking about it, she was still vague about what the new student's final intention was.The doubts buried in her heart gnaw away at her from time to time; at the moment when the borderline of dreams and waking meets, it is even more echoing in her ears: an unexpected event?Or is it your own choice?Either way, Xinsheng's death left a good name for his wife and children.He not only freed himself from the shackles of the Kuomintang's legacy, but also paved the way for the children's future. This road, their mother and son, is bound to go to the end, and it is difficult to turn back. Sacrifice for public service, made a great contribution to socialism. The stereotyped eulogy disappeared with the wind after reading, only this final comment was burned in her heart.Both the chief of staff and Hu Fei attended the funeral, and every colleague who came to express condolences said that his funeral was honorable and dignified.He should have died without regret. Xin Mei nodded silently, still unable to think of what to say. Your children are the future lifeblood of our country. Hu Fei also mentioned that they are the successors of our revolution. The party organization will work with you to care about their growth and happiness.In the future, we will gradually implement various policies, such as protecting the interests of overseas Chinese, caring for intellectuals, and giving preferential treatment to returned students.The school will act in accordance with the policy, please rest assured that the two children will receive the best care. After speaking, he turned to look at the accompanying clerk.The clerk hurriedly explained to Xin Mei the living arrangements for the two children in the water courtyard.According to him, since the father died on duty, the child will receive the highest pension, 20 yuan per person per month, until the age of 18; in addition, if there are special needs, Xin Mei can report to the school at any time. Will take care of as appropriate. Hu Fei asked Xin Mei what opinion she had on such an arrangement.She shook her head, said she had no objection, and expressed her gratitude.Before the three of them left, Hu Fei took care of her future work. Come back to work after you recover, he said.The province has recently focused on the reform of teaching materials, and it is necessary to hold exchange meetings and observe each other.Our school of water should come up with a new set of teaching materials in the shortest possible time, truly reflecting the new face of the educational revolution, highlighting the spirit of daring to think and do and to go against the trend.The English teaching materials depend on the hard work of you English teachers. Xin Mei smiled, neither protesting nor making promises.The team leader, Xiaomai, came two days ago and already notified the school of sending Xinmei to edit the English textbooks.She is very tired of compiling textbooks, and she is tired of mentioning it.In two years, this is the third time that I have edited English textbooks.The first textbook mainly contained quotations from Mao Zedong and Lin Biao. Lin Biao collapsed before they were used, and all of them were destroyed immediately; the second textbook left only Mao Zedong’s quotations and political slogans, plus a few water conservancy terms, which were equally boring.Now the new textbook emphasizes the spirit of rebellion against the trend, obviously to highlight the leftists like Jiang Qing, but who knows how long this kind of labeled textbook will last? Hu Fei seemed to have guessed her reluctance, and persuaded her gently: textbooks are a major plan for teaching, and how to compile them to express the true meaning of the educational revolution is very important.When you come back from abroad, you can refer to the advanced experience of foreign countries, absorb the essence, and combine our situation to compile a new and eye-catching English teaching material.This is a very meaningful task, only you can undertake it! With his encouragement, Xin Mei reluctantly nodded and promised: I will start looking for information as soon as I get to work, and I will do my best. The day after they left, Lin Weidong and Ye Xiuchun came to visit Xinmei hand in hand. Xiaoye has two short braids, her calico shirt has an open collar, and her fair neck is glowing with ivory, which is brighter and more gorgeous than the May sun outside.Xin Mei didn't need to inquire, just from Xiao Ye's gentle gaze and Xiao Lin's excited and shy expression, she knew that the two had reached an understanding, and their relationship had advanced a step further.Of course she doesn't know the plot, but seeing Xiaoye generously leading the man in, she must be the woman who took the initiative and created a happy situation for herself.Feeling moved, she squeezed Xiaoye's hand to express her admiration and support.小葉綻開了一朵微笑，小眼睛霎時晶亮了，閃爍著鑽石般的光芒。 兩個學生向她致了哀悼之意，又轉達了同學們的問候。 辛老師，你甚麼時候再來給我們上課？Xiaoye asked her. 學校要我編新教材，這學期不會上課了。 我們都以為學校的安排不合理，林衛東開口就批評。好好的書教到一半，忽然把老師調去農場這個，早有同學向系裏提過意見。現在不去勞動了，理所當然再給學生上課，怎樣又要編教材？ 辛梅正要解釋，小葉已搶過去說：自從王老師來代我們的課，同學們意見可大啦！他講得很費力，可是太緊張了，一個單詞念三遍，便有三種發音！語法是越講越糊塗，成了天書一樣難懂！ 聽到學生抱怨，辛梅忽然同情起王得貴，從前的嫌隙整個拋掉。 王老師是奉命改行學英語，她為同事辯護，勇氣可嘉呢。他一邊幹一邊學，態度很認真。凡事總有個起頭，是不是？起頭總是難的。我相信他會越教越好。再換老師，教學會更加紊亂，你們還是多多體諒，和王老師合作才好。 她的口氣堅定，兩個學生再不好說什麼。接著，她問起林衛東是不是仍在自修英語。他立刻面有愧色。 沒有人輔導，我就像航行中迷失了方向，等於擱淺了。畢業後我希望做科學研究，很想好好地掌握英文這個工具。可惜辛老師這學期不上課了，不然 小葉見他欲言又止，便爽快地替他說出來：衛東的意思，如果辛老師肯幫忙，他想繼續跟你學英語。 all right!辛梅高興地說。過兩天我上圖書館找材料，順便也給你找些書。你願意作文，就寫吧，我一定幫你改。 矮小的林衛東，感激之餘，嘴裏喃喃著卻不知所云，特別顯得孩小氣。幸好小葉轉了話題，才算給他解了圍。 辛老師，大學三年太短了！我覺得才進大學的門，明年卻就要畢業。忙到現在，也還是在補中學的課，真正的水利專業知識要到大三才念，那樣，等於只上了一年大學！ 辛梅同情地點頭：學制還在摸索階段，不合理的一定要改。你們是身歷其境的大學生，最有資格站出來說話。真的，你們說一句，頂我們教員十句，而且不擔風險！ 小葉聽到不擔風險，眼珠滴溜一轉，嘴角露出會心的微笑。我們一定要大聲呼籲，你放心，這是我們的責任。 林衛東也表示義不容辭。 這兩年我唯一的收獲是跟辛老師學了英語，他終於說出心裏的話。要不是老師給我額外的指導，兩年的時間可能白白浪費掉。畢業後我打算開始自修日語和法語，將來搞科研比較方便。 辛梅覺得這是個好主意。小葉卻忽然憂慮起來：做研究是衛東的志趣，但是畢業後的工作分配，大權操在國務院呀！誰知道會把他分到什麼單位？ 林衛東卻不在乎地聳聳肩。 沒有機會做研究，我可以翻譯科技書籍，這工作也很有意義。文化革命八年下來，我們的科技情報已經遠遠落後於其他國家了。圖書館的外文刊物堆得比山高，大家外語程度這麼低，不翻譯出來很可惜。我們革命已經搞得太多了，不管局勢怎麼變化，下一步必定是向科學進軍，迎頭趕上外國的科技水平。那麼，翻譯就是首當其衝的工作，有出路的。 林衛東口氣從容不迫，帶著站得高看得遠的悠閒自在。辛梅忽然想起三國演義裏的孔明，眼前的學生只差少了一把羽扇而已。一向知道這個學生資質過人，卻不知他如此有遠見。當然，這個社會是否會演變到允許個人有所發展，尚是個未知數。但年輕人有信心而且腳踏實地最是可喜。辛梅為自己有這樣的學生而驕傲。 送兩人出門後，辛梅望著他們的背影，一個瘦小硬實，一個圓滿豐潤，搭配得再好不過。她越發佩服葉秀春膽識過人。 五月中旬曾經下了一場雨，接著便天天放晴。陽光有心逞強似的，一天比一天猛；家家剛把棉衣曬過收進箱子，身上的毛衣就覺得穿不住似的，陣陣發燥。 這天也怪！奶奶嘟噥著。該是黃梅季節了，瞧這大太陽！ 正午的陽光尤其猛，辛梅隔窗凝視久了，不禁目眩。隨著季節的推移，陽光已經撤退到窗沿，把窗裏和窗外分成明暗兩個世界。窗外是一片耀眼的亮，連棲息在電線上的幾隻麻雀也瞇了眼假寐。對過山坡上濃綠一片，給山下那櫛次鱗比的屋頂造成了一座厚實的屏風。天是蛋青色，淡淡的，遠遠的，幾抹白雲被不經意地撇到一邊，好讓青空隨時分離而飄走似的。風是靜止的，空氣裏因而嗅得到初夏的溫暖和濕潤。 她準備星期一去上班，前一天一早就把書桌和什物都收拾妥當。原想把新生遺下的衣服打包分送給他的同事，奶奶卻不肯，還諄諄告誡她：不能大手大腳地過日子呀，辛老師。大人的衣服可以改成小孩子的，何必白白送掉？辛梅拗不過，就隨她拆改，結果在自己床上攤了一大堆拆了一半的冬衣。 午飯後，陶煉去非非家玩，老太太睏了，帶著陶冶午睡去。剩下辛梅一個，既不敢睡下，怕夜裏睡不著反而難挨，又不知怎麼打發這週末午日的空閒，只能憑窗望著藍天發呆。 辛老師，長途電話！ 窗底下，萬嫂的兒子仰著頭悄聲通知她。她猜想是亞男打來，連忙出門去接。自從新生去世，方正倆來了一通電報要她節哀，便一直沒有他們的音信。她正惦念著他們不知幾時能出國。 果然是亞男打來的，電話雜音多，而且聲音如游絲般時斷時續。吶喊了一陣，辛梅才聽出對方已經整裝待發了。她有些措手不及似地吃了一驚。 哪天走呀？她始終聽不清日期。 唉，就是下禮拜三！ So fast!那，那不來南京了？ 來呀，怎麼不來？亞男的煩躁倒是清楚地傳送過來。這電話真要命，喂！不說了買了船票啦，禮拜三到南京！ 噢，聽見了，好，我會去接船。 方正問你，要不要走？ 辛梅咬著下唇皮，不知怎麼回答。壓著聽筒的耳朵霎時一片死寂。她側了臉，見萬嫂坐在門外搓洗衣服，濺起的肥皂沫在陽光下閃著虹似的色彩。 你先考慮吧，阿梅，亞男的聲音又響起。到時我們細談。朋友們都會幫忙的，這一點你放心！ 我不會走開，她終於說，一定在家等你們來！ 跨出傳達室時，她向萬嫂道了謝，然後低了頭，慢慢往回走。 驕陽曬著她身上的藍布外套，曬著袖子上象徵戴孝的一圈黑布；熱像波浪般向她包圍、穿透。她心裏也像波浪般翻騰著一陣陣的悔意。她發現自己究竟還是猶豫不決。在白布揭起，出現新生浮腫安詳的臉那一瞬間，追悔和憤怒就替她作出了選擇。她要留下來，留下來細細清算這一筆賬。那一剎那間，何醫生的聲音曾經閃過她的腦際：毛澤東的五七道路害死人！隨著時間和環境的演變，她逐漸冷靜，考慮也較周詳。為了孩子，為了生活，她只得留下來。 可惜她的決心卻經不起考驗，被亞男一句話就捅出破綻來。亞男像一隻在空中自由翱翔的鳥，頻頻向她招手。辛梅的心整個活了，她嚮往外面的世界，嚮往從前的生活。她也想化作一隻飛鳥，跟著隨風而去。 亞男就要來了，自己怎麼辦呢？ 她拾級上臺階，腦子裏縈繞著同一個問題。想著趕回家也找不到人商量，腳步忽然沉重起來。水泥的階梯灰白而破損，在陽光下顯得齜牙咧嘴的。鉛灰的屋頂像失血的口張向青天，而天又高又遠，渺無邊際。陽光曬得她身上暖烘烘的，可惜這份光和熱化不去心中這股迷惘和憂傷。新生去了，方正和亞男馬上要走。她問自己：今後找誰傾訴心事呢？ 多少天來，這時頭一次品嚐孤獨和苦悶的具體內容，她心裏的空虛比那青天還漫無邊際。 辛梅！ 聽到一聲熟悉的叫喚，她回頭尋找。李永忠正快步邁上臺階。他長方的黑臉向她裂出一線白牙，脫下的藍布外套搭在肩上；嫌熱，白襯衫的領口敞得大大的。 小李，好久不見了！ 新生的同事紛紛來過，就是永忠還不曾上門來。這下見到，她心裏充滿了邂逅老朋友的歡欣和安慰。 我應該早就來看你和孩子的。他趕上了辛梅，陪著她走回家時，一邊解釋著：我後來想到，你在最悲傷的時候，也許寧可自己度過，不要旁人來打擾。 Indeed it is.她很感激她的細心周到。現在，我覺得事情已經過去了，很高興你來談談。那幾天，每個人都在說陶新生，我恨不得自己的耳朵聾掉！ 你太激動了，辛梅，這些人都是一番好意。 辛梅輕輕嘆口氣，不能否認自己曾經激動過。 兩人默默上樓來，陶冶和奶奶睡得正熟，屋子裏靜悄悄的。永忠向新生的遺像行過注目禮後，便問起孩子。 大的在隔壁玩，小的和奶奶在午睡。坐吧，小李。等一下讓奶奶把他們找來見叔叔。 how are they很想念爸爸嗎？ 陶煉很懂事，似乎一夜之間大了好多歲。小的以為爸爸又出差去了，並不知道難受。 永生點點頭說：無知也是幸福。 辛梅給他倒了一杯水，請他坐在桌前。自己稍許理了一理床上的衣服，才面向窗口，背靠著床欄坐下來。 她很想知道永忠這幾個月來的遭遇，但幾次話到唇邊，都提不起勇氣去揭他的傷疤。也不過半年不見，方頭大腦的人竟瘦得稜角分明，加上神氣收斂，顯得蒼勁十足，似乎提早跨進了中年。最觸目的是他的頭髮。原先一頭粗糙厚密的頭髮，經常是理還亂地覆在額上，烏黑蓬鬆一團；如今，也許是出於理髮師傅的削薄手藝，看來又稀又短，還夾雜著白髮，像秋收後的莊稼地，光禿枯萎。這樣，他隆起的大額頭更加突出，以致把眼眶藏得更深。再找不到笑意盎然的眼色，有的只是冷靜和深沉，像風雪或霜凍那樣給人那麼一點陰森意味。就憑這眼光，她也不敢打聽他被關期間受過什麼折磨。 隨便囚禁人真是不人道！她在心裏嘆息著。外表會改變，心境又當如何？她在一陣憐惜中，隱隱又勾起一股潛藏的憤怒。 永忠對著她的沉思，卻微微一笑說： 這幾個月來，我是老了很多。不過，我想通了許多事，也很有收獲。 他嗓門低沉，有自嘲的語氣，卻無半點自哀自憐；說話尤其簡短有力，捨棄了從前咄咄逼人的舌鋒。他拒絕憐憫正說明這場災難非但不會打倒他，反而把他磨練得更堅強。若說從前的永忠是熱情的化身，今日卻是理智的象徵。 這幾個月來，我是老了很多。 辛梅發現永忠說的，也正是自己心裏的話。自己迭遭巨變，只感到窮以應付，比起永忠的冷靜瀟灑，確是自嘆不如。 You are so talented!她欽佩地說，做到了把壞事變好事的最高指示。 毛澤東的話向來是正反都說得通。 她想起永忠抽菸，就把新生遺下的香菸和火柴找出來給他。永忠坐在桌前，撫弄著一包向陽牌菸，似乎睹物思人，半晌沒言語。她受到感染，眼光自然而然地移到那張遺照上。 沒料到他會這樣想不開。 永忠再開口時，聲調低得像在自言自語，又像夢囈般模糊。但是辛梅聽見了，宛如被觸動了最敏感的一根弦，整個心一震，接著陣陣發麻。她害怕證實似的，不敢去看永忠的神色，眼睛就像鉚釘銲上了鋼板，牢牢定死在照片上。新生對著她笑，那麼坦然、安詳，和窗外五月的晴空一般清爽明亮。這笑容逐漸安撫了她，使她不再恐懼與朋友分享自己的疑慮。 她終於正視著永忠，輕聲地問：你最後一次見到他，是什麼時候？ 永忠犀利的眼光在辛梅臉上逡巡了一陣才回答：出事的前一天。我們一起在書庫裏找資料。 你記得他講過什麼話沒有？ 辛梅焦灼地注視著他。永忠避開了她的眼光，斂眉思索著；他慢慢翻轉著手中的一包菸，像賭博的人在擲出骰子前先屏心默祝一番。等他睜開眼，神色卻是平靜而且安詳。 沒有特別說過什麼，真的。 辛梅有些失望，疑惑永忠向自己隱瞞了什麼。但是她也知道這一對朋友的共同脾氣：他們不願供認的事，就是逼迫也掏不出一句來。她暗暗嘆口氣，不再問下去。 永忠忽然歉疚地說：我不應該瞎猜測，辛梅。你最好想都別去想它無補於事，反而增加煩惱。 她搖搖頭，輕聲說：我不會忘掉，但是我可以不談往事。 新生一向走他自己選擇的道路，不肯折衷或遷就。永忠的語氣充滿了敬重和懷念。他對自己是做到了絕對的誠實，只求實踐，不尚空談。他的死當然是我們的不幸，不過，讓我們把它化成一份悼念，用來激勵生者更好地活下去，為彼此的共同理想而奮鬥。 永忠對朋友的尊敬和諒解使辛梅很感動。她想，新生有這麼一個知己，也是不虛此生。 阿桃對於我，也和老陶一樣，都過去了，今後只成為一種追念和勉勵。 永忠說著，嘴角忽然微微顫抖了，舌尖沾上了從未有過的感傷情調；眼神解凍了，流露出柔如春水的光彩。 她選擇了逃亡，不管成功或失敗，她都屬於另一個世界。也許有一天，她會回來，但那是次要又次要的事。主要的是我們留下來的人，我們沒有權利不堅持鬥爭！ 堅持鬥爭，這話提醒了辛梅原先的決心。人死是次要的，如何生活下去才是主要的。永忠的話多麼現實有力啊，他的豪邁更幫她解開心頭的疙瘩。她下了決心，今後不再去想新生為什麼會死，而是想著自己如何有意義地活下去。 我不會沉湎在往事裏。她向永忠保證：光是為這兩個孩子，我也會堅持到底。 不單是老陶，連我也對你有信心！ 永忠點燃了一根菸，猛吸了幾口後，就同辛梅談起小孩子的教養和今後的家計來。她很驚訝，原來永忠除了政治外，對生活細節也很熟悉，猶如農民之於土地和莊稼，說來如數家珍。主意也都是實際而有用的。 你為什麼不葬了老陶的骨灰？ 他問辛梅，同時站起來，踱到五斗櫃前去端詳。 學校已經開了介紹信，要給他葬在水泥墓地裏。這種光榮不是人人能有的。 新生曾說過，他寧可葬在嘉陵江裏。 她記起，在那段彷彿迷失在霧中的日子裏，這是她念念不忘的一件事。 永忠默然。他的目光向上移，遇到牆上的毛澤東像。這時，他凸額下的兩道粗眉忽然擰在一起。這神情，在辛梅看來，有些像陶新生記憶裏他常是這麼濃眉深鎖的不過永忠的眼光噴射著叛逆的火花。 你為什麼不拿走它？ 辛梅微笑了。 這大概是中國最後一代的皇帝，我們一定要請他走的。不要急，他已經老了，而我還年輕，總有看到他下來的一天。 永忠神色憤然地咬了咬厚實的下唇皮，大腦袋一點：也快了，你不看鄧小平已經在五月一日正式出場了？國務院副總理，顯然是周恩來一手把他從十八層地獄裏拉上來，準備讓他接自己的班。 辛梅在農場時，就聽到談論鄧小平參加宴請西哈努克親王的消息。他的名次排在最後一批，似乎微不足道，可是大家都把它當頭條新聞看待。 但是毛澤東栽培江青接班，不是很明顯嗎？張春橋將來接掌國務院的說法，民間也流傳很久了。鄧小平復出，我以為只是所謂落實幹部政策，表示再使用老幹部罷了。 你小看鄧小平了，辛梅。他和周恩來代表老幹部的意圖，將來肯定打著反對修正主義的旗號而大力推行修正主義政策。但是他和周恩來又很不同。周恩來不搞派系，一向依附毛澤東，最會和稀泥；鄧小平搞派系，而且是辣椒脾氣，一向看不起毛澤東，同江青將會勢不兩立。你看好啦，鄧小平真正掌權的一日，就是所謂毛澤東思想垮臺之時！ 永忠說到政治，不禁眉飛色舞，又像從前那樣精神抖擻。 他再有機會當權，會全面復舊嗎？ 辛梅最是關切這件事。不等永忠回答，她先說出自己的看法。 至少，教育制度是越革越糟，已經到圖窮匕首見的地步，開始變相的復舊了。我們是敢怒不敢言，但誰也知道文革是一場人力和物力的浪費。鄧小平真有機會上臺，不來個全盤否定，也要重新估價才行。 永忠聽到全盤否定，大腦袋連忙搖晃起來。他熄掉了手中的香菸頭，才神色嚴肅地說：理想雖然被出賣，但這是人的錯，不是理想本身的過失。相反的，理想更加深入人心了。誰不嚮往造反有理的權利？當然，這一次我們跟著指揮棒轉，打倒了劉少奇。下一次，你看吧，我們可就捨得一身剮，敢把皇帝拉下馬！寫過幾百張大字報的人才知道什麼叫言論自由，也才珍惜自由的可貴。清隊整肅了多少造反派，不親身受過關押的怎麼體會得到人權的神聖和憲法的有名無實？還有大串連，它的確讓我們走出了象牙塔，第一次深入社會，了解到民間的疾苦。辛梅，你知道吧？越是看到我們國家的貧窮落後，你越會愛她呢！ 沒有比愛國更能引起共鳴，辛梅聽到這裏，眼眶竟濕熱起來，她無言的點下頭。 今後的政策肯定走向復舊。永忠回到辛梅的問題上，口氣客觀而且冷靜。這是人民普遍的要求，也是當權者碰得頭破血流之後，不得不作出的讓步。 說到這裏，永忠俯身向前，用低沉但是堅毅的語調向辛梅指出： 但是，復舊不是我們的最終要求，它只是我們爭取民主、自由和人權的第一步。當然，政治鬥爭有反覆，鄧小平再度上臺，也許還有下臺的時候。但是， 他能上臺，這就有希望！上臺的人再倒下也不怕，還有第二個人上來！毛澤東也說過：堅持到底，就是勝利！ 永忠的眼睛又燃起了火花，那覆在禿額之下的眼珠子睜得滾圓，隨時要爆炸而迸出來似得。他的神情有些奇異，開放中又有一種自我的壓抑，好比一團熊熊烈火中卻包藏了冷靜的算計，並非一發而不可收拾。辛梅彷彿看到一隻巨獸，雖然敗下陣來，仍然一邊舔著傷口，一邊留戀地望著戰場。她暗自驚嘆，永忠真是倔強！ 就在她出神的時候，永忠忽然有所求地注視著她，說話的聲調逐漸由熱情轉向溫柔