Chapter 38 Notoginseng

The days flow quietly as the seasons change. From being able to call mom and dad, to being able to crawl and walk, little Hansi learned to speak in a muttering manner, scribbled on paper with colored pencils, and sang with his red mouth open.Growing up day by day, and becoming cuter every day, Zhiyun's heart is completely filled by him. The impression of this family of three is: the husband has a brilliant career, the wife is beautiful and virtuous, the children are smart and cute, plus the material life is rich, the social circle is noble, and the small group of three people makes outsiders think it is a myth. The solid and perfect castle in the middle of the world is very high and enviable.However, the real world in the castle is another scene. As time goes by, Zhiyun has also learned to be tolerant, silent, not willful, not to shed tears and hide his emotions, but there is still a relationship between him and He Shaoxiang. The sky is south, the land is north, and ideas are rarely in one place.

Zhiyun was originally a sensitive person. Whenever he saw little Hansi talking to himself and playing so vigorously, he couldn't help but feel bitter. He felt that this child was too lonely, especially when they were abroad, of course they would always be abroad. , he shouldn't be so lonely.He should have a younger brother or sister who would play with him when he was young, and when he grows up, he can take care of and support each other when his parents are old and dead. However, recalling all the difficulties before the birth of little Hans, she couldn't help but hesitate.He Shaoxiang also said: We can no longer have children, we have no energy to take care of them.

But little Hansi is a Chinese boy, how lonely he will be in this place in the future.she says. It's just your idea, little Hans doesn't think so.He was born here, grew up here, and was educated here, so he is a true European.The problem is that you have to raise him in a European way, don't indoctrinate him with Chinese ideas. Don't indoctrinate him with Chinese ideas?Zhiyun asked suspiciously. Of course not, why make him a permanent foreigner?He has the concepts and thoughts of Westerners, so he can break into the circle of Westerners.He Shaoxiang said with certainty. uh you think so?You see, the one named Chen Jiahe, especially wants to send his son back to China to study!Zhiyun said lightly.With the help of Ling Yun, the son of Chen Jiahe, Chen Yonghua, had returned to Taiwan to study a few years ago, and now he is about to graduate from university, and he said that he plans to continue his graduate studies.Chen Jiahe Zeng called to thank her, and talked about Chen Yonghua's impressions after returning to China: Yonghua said that he really did not expect Taiwan's market to be so prosperous and the buildings so majestic. satisfy.He had already made several good friends, and he was so proud that he couldn't think of leaving.Chen Jiahe knew that He Shaoxiang saw nothing in him and didn't pay attention to him at all, so he was very knowledgeable, and would never come to their house except for a polite phone call when necessary.

What is that Chen Jiahe?I don't think he's normal at all. He can't break into the circle of Westerners all his life, and he can't get his son into it either. I really don't understand what this kind of person thinks in his heart?This kind of little person is not worthy of our attention. What kind of child is our little Hansi? As long as we cultivate him well, his future is limitless. Zhiyun was very disgusted with He Shaoxiang's words of belittling Chen Jiahe, but later, because He Shaoxiang praised Xiao Hansi so much, he felt very good, so he felt that his words were not unreasonable, and he didn't want to refute them.

Although she didn't refute He Shaoxiang, she couldn't bear to follow He Shaoxiang's wishes and raise little Hansi in the European way, and don't indoctrinate him with Chinese ideas.When little Hansi asked her: Mom, why am I born different from Lisa downstairs?She couldn't help but answer: Because you are Chinese and Lisa is a Westerner.Little Hans would blink his big clear and bright eyes twice, chase down and ask: Mom, where is China?She said: China is far away, but we must always remember her in our hearts.He asked again: Mom, are you from there? Yes I am. Will you go back?

I think I will, my grandparents, uncles and aunts are all there, the places I played in when I was a child, the schools I went to are all there, how can I never go back?She said this mainly for herself. Mom, you have to take me with you when you go back.Little Hans raised his face and looked at her. Baby, for sure, mom will take you everywhere.She hugged little Hansi's limp little body.At this time, she really felt that she had everything in the world. Ever since she had little Hansi, Zhiyun has become even less fond of going out to socialize, which made He Shaoxiang very disapproving. Once, nostalgia made Zhiyun's mood fall into a low ebb, and she couldn't help complaining, saying that her life seemed like a little girl. what?If it is a pity that a person's life passes like this, He Shaoxiang took advantage of the topic and said:

You have to find the joy of life. If you stay at home all day, you will naturally think wildly and create bad emotions to disturb others.Why don't you join the moms club?Mrs. Hawley invited you to join the tennis club last time, and you should go too.You always like to read Chinese books, but in fact it can only have a bad influence on you. Why does reading Chinese books have a bad influence on me?She couldn't help asking. The reason is obvious: Chinese books will keep your thoughts and concepts inseparable from China, and may even seduce you to feel homesick, so you will not feel more fun in life, and you will not be willing to live actively.Helena, my career is very busy and my responsibilities are heavy. I can't stay at home with my wife all day like those insignificant men. You must try to adapt to life, and you can't let life adapt to you.I advise you, if you have the skill to read Chinese books, why not learn French!You see, in the noble social occasions here, there are people who don't speak French.

From He Shaoxiang's several similar conversations, Zhiyun understood He Shaoxiang's dissatisfaction with her not actively trying to adapt to the environment.I was a little unhappy before, but after thinking about it, what he said was not unreasonable. Since you have chosen this life, you have to work hard to make it successful. Therefore, Zhiyun joined the nursery run by the Mothers Club. Every two afternoons, he sent little Hansi to play with other children. Like other mothers, Zhiyun took his turn every three or four weeks. Watch the kids one at a time.When you don't look after your children, you are free.Introduced by Mrs. Hao Li, she joined the tennis club and played tennis once a week.There are several different tennis clubs in Zurich. The one that Zhiyun joined is the most advanced one. The members all come from different backgrounds, whether they are bankers or industrialists and big businessmen.Zhiyun's mediocre ball skills, beauty and demeanor made Mrs. He the most famous person in the club.

She also took He Shaoxiang's suggestion and went to a Mrs. Farrell to study for a private hour, taking French lessons twice a week.In addition to housekeeping and taking care of the children, even though the Italian woman came to help with cleaning, she was still busy enough.There are often social gatherings on weekends, and as before, she is dressed in elegant fashion and expensive jewelry, with a subtle smile on her face, and said insignificant social things.From the outside, her life is full, colorful and rich, but inside, she clearly feels a deeper and deeper emptiness.Some common ailments, such as emptiness, paleness, loss, and rootlessness, all came together, and these feelings wrapped around her like snakes, and when she hugged little Hans, they did not relax her.

Winter is here again, and it grows so endlessly.Winter is the season for socializing, and people are either invited or invited.He Shaoxiang has many foreign friends, and he is busy almost every weekend. A very popular way to treat guests in Europe is after dinner.Start at eight o'clock, first eat some salty snacks, drink red wine, then drink coffee and cake, and finally drink kirsch or brandy.Europeans seem to have a capacity for alcohol no matter they are men, women, young or old. Seemingly gentle and beautiful ladies, they drank most of their glasses of wine without changing their expressions, Zhiyun was amazed from the heart.She was very disgusted with this kind of banquet, and several times she refused to go at all, on the grounds that it was often foggy, snowy, or icy at night in winter, and driving on the road was dangerous, and big car accidents always happened in winter.Their neighbors across the street, because they came back from entertainment in the middle of the night, drove drunk, and the car skidded off the icy road. The husband and wife were killed and the woman was seriously injured.

When He Shaoxiang came back that day, as soon as he walked in, he said that Dr. Borot, whom he had just met for a long time, wanted to invite them to a banquet on the weekend, so the two had a debate. I don't like this entertainment.Think about it, the two of us are sitting inside, drinking alcohol and driving in the middle of the night, and the road is not easy to drive, if something happens, what will little Han Sike do?Zhiyun said uninterestedly. You are a person who is always confused.What is the percentage of accidents?Could it be that out of fear of accidents, we didn't even drive the car, make friends, or go out to social events.Could it be that with Little Hans, we will break up with everyone else!He Shaoxiang said dissatisfied.After a few years of marriage, he also had changes in his wishes, the most notable of which was that his eloquence became sharper, and he became less reserved when speaking with strangers. I am not ready to socialize like before.Zhiyun said frankly.Seeing how confused He Shaoxiang looked at her, he said again: I don't think that makes sense.To be honest, I know that I will never be able to make real friends with those people. I don't really care about each other, and I don't have any sincere words to talk about. It's really boring to keep inviting people here and there like this.When I make friends, I like to make friends who are like-minded and can really talk to each other. I don't like friends who only talk about cats and dogs and talk about the weather. He Shaoxiang spread his hands and sighed again and again: After all, you told the truth, it turns out that you don’t like my friend.Just now I said that I was afraid of the danger of drinking and driving! I'm afraid of the dangers of driving, and I'm not interested in your friends.Zhiyun connected it neatly. really weird?Didn't you go out to socialize happily before, why are you suddenly afraid now?Is not this contradictory?He Shaoxiang was a nerd and lost his temper, so he got to the bottom of it. I am not contradicting myself at all, I have long since hated this hypocritical entertainment.It used to be just the two of us, so I had nothing to worry about. Now that I have a child, I must be more considerate. If something happens to me, who will take care of him. Yes, this is you, your heart is all about little Hans, and you seem to live for him alone, and I am of no importance in the family.The more He Shaoxiang spoke, the more excited he became, and there was sadness in his voice.I know that you don't care about my career at all. Even if I work so hard, I won't get a compliment from you. You only have children in your heart and not me. Zhiyun raised his eyes and looked at He Shaoxiang mockingly: You already care too much about yourself and your career, do you need me?You are praised by so many people outside, do you still care if I praise you or not?Ask your conscience, do you have me and little Hansi in your heart?Zhiyun also became more and more excited, and finally turned into a sad and angry protest: No one cares about us, no one wants us.Fortunately, little Hans has me, and I have him, so we can still live. snort!us!It turns out that you drew a small circle, and you have drawn me out of the circle!Helanna, please think about it too. I am also a human being. There is always a limit to human energy. I have to work hard to get ahead outside. How can I go home to accompany my wife to coax my son.You should know what I'm working so hard for?He Shaoxiang was so angry that his voice was trembling, and the eyeballs behind the glasses became extraordinarily bright. He would have this expression when he was most excited. Of course, it is to gain a bigger name, win more people's praise, and the position of director, and the price we pay is our happiness.Zhiyun also yelled out the grievances he had been bored for a long time. Great, Hylana, this is what you know about me.He Shaoxiang pushed the frame of the glasses, and said very sadly.He circled the ground twice, then stopped suddenly, and said in a tone of suppressed anger: "Helana, are you not even willing to help me make friends?" Will you make my friend for me?Zhiyun asked back.Thinking of He Shaoxiang's superior attitude when Jinghui came to help before the birth of little Hansi, she couldn't forgive her.After that, for a long period of time, Jinghui was not as warm-hearted towards her as before. If she hadn't called, Jinghui seldom called on her own initiative.It seems that it is not as confiding as before. Zhiyun has long noticed that Jinghui has harbored grievances, and the friendship between them has changed.Even if Jinghui didn't misunderstand her, at least it was because she couldn't stand He Shaoxiang's arrogance, and she didn't want to get close to her like before.Losing Jinghui's friendship was an irreparable loss for Zhiyun, and she was very sad about it.It was only in the last year that Jinghui and her regained their old confidant and intimacy.At this moment, He Shaoxiang said that she would not make friends for him, which aroused her resentment.Her words are you willing to make my friend for me?He Shaoxiang had no words to answer.He was taken aback for a moment, then walked to the study with a dejected face. He Shaoxiang sat in front of the desk, holding his head in his hands, and his heart was filled with infinite troubles and disappointments.He never dreamed that women were such troublesome, difficult to deal with.It is certainly his interest and habit over the years to devote his whole energy and strength to research and learning, but what is more important is the heart of honor.He kept saying what Zhiyun said to him before marriage: I have always looked up to you, I admire your knowledge, I admire your achievements, you are an amazing person.Keep it firmly in my heart, thinking about how to work harder, strive for greater honor, dedicate to her, and win her more attention and love.He is just a human being, not a god who is born knowing that success is entirely due to persistent efforts, not by fluke.Years of hard study and dealing with trivial personnel affairs have made him feel exhausted. What's more, in the eyes of others, he is always regarded as a foreigner who does not belong to their circle. Others use more energy, sacrifice more lives, and perform more prominently. If he is on par with others, or only slightly higher than others, good opportunities will not come to him.In order to be the successor of Clement's position in the future, Clement will retire in the next year. He dare not relax at all, and dare not offend anyone.He has always imagined how excited and happy Zhiyun will be when he is appointed as the director of the entire research institute, and how he will admire and worship him even more.Great results must be obtained by sacrificing certain things.She always blamed him for disregarding his family life, only caring about his career, and not thinking about it. What is all this for?If he didn't study so hard, how could he be where he is today?How can there be a good future!For marriage, he had had so much hope, thinking that his wife would take pity on his hard work, encourage his progress, and admire his achievements. Unexpectedly, the opposite happened.She is always dissatisfied with him and always blames him. After having little Hans, she seems to have completely forgotten his existence, and puts all her energy and heart on little Hans. Do not care.It's even better now, she simply refuses to go out to socialize, as if deliberately embarrassing him.Is this what married life is like?What on earth does she want?What can I do to please her? He Shaoxiang was heartbroken for a long time before regaining his composure.When he spread out the half-written thesis outline and read it intently, he gradually forgot about the troubles and the world outside him just now. Then, he picked up the pen and wrote quickly on the paper, so many Happiness and ecstasy, along with the rustling sound of the pen tip scratching the paper, come in an endless stream. After such a commotion, the two of them didn't speak for three days. In fact, the next day He Shaoxiang brought back a large handful of crimson roses to express his apology. As he said before, the crimson roses meant that the misunderstanding had disappeared and the reconciliation was as good as before.Zhiyun didn't even look at the flower.She just hated He Shaoxiang's temper, never saying sorry, but always coming back with flowers.He Shaoxiang was very disappointed to see that Zhiyun didn't appreciate it at all. He lost his temper and went to the study again.On the third day of the cold war, both of them felt so bored and panicked that they couldn't do without talking, so they made peace again.Although Zhiyun was unwilling, he reluctantly went to Dr. Barrot's banquet with He Shaoxiang. This kind of disputes and frictions often happen in their lives, and both of them seem to be used to it, and neither of them will feel particularly stimulated by it, as if it is as natural as eating, sleeping and working, and it is an inevitable item in daily life .Especially He Shaoxiang felt that such a trivial matter was not worth his attention, and he forgot it in a blink of an eye. As she grows older and has been away from the country for a long time, Zhiyun feels more and more nostalgic. When she walks in the field with little Hansi's chubby hands, or sits alone on the sofa in the house, or It is sitting in a car wearing luxurious clothes, maybe in a sleepless night, maybe it is a snowy cloudy day, anytime and anywhere, a kind of elusive but real and deep melancholy will be like A demon controlled her, causing her emotions to sink to the lowest ebb, and her whole body was surrounded by a vast gray fog. She calls this feeling black emotions, and it is clear that this black emotion comes from being bored with the rootless life of the long period abroad.Whenever she fell into such a bad mood, she wanted to confide in someone to relieve the anguish surging in her chest, but who was the one to confide in?He Shaoxiang has never understood what emotions are. His emotions are almost the same every day. Only when his work in the laboratory is not going well, or when he has an affair with her, will there be a little emotional fluctuation, but his work is almost always smooth. After chatting with her, he came back with a bunch of flowers as an apology, and the emotional fluctuations naturally calmed down quickly.How can a person who lives such a stable and ordinary life know what feelings and inner activities are!At this point, they are people living in two worlds, Zhiyun can't turn to He Shaoxiang for help, and He Shaoxiang can't see any changes in Zhiyun. Zhiyun also revealed this feeling to Jinghui, and Jinghui laughed from the phone.Ma'am, what other emotions do you have?Do you still have that incompleteness?Mr. is knowledgeable, famous, rich, has a son, and he is a famous beauty. If others are like you, they will be very satisfied.Yu Zhiyun, man!Be content with yourself, learn to be content!Jinghui said.Of course what Jinghui said was the truth, what about her incompleteness?She has everything she should have, like Mrs. Xu and Mrs. Cui, just say Jinghui!Who can compare with her?But they are all so vibrant, so happy, and contented with reality, why is she better than others in everything, yet so unhappy and always in a mood? Jinghui, it's not that I'm dissatisfied or lacking in that. I just have an indescribable sense of emptiness, like a person floating in mid-air without roots.She explained to Jinghui. What is not rooted?These are all fashionable terms invented by you people who engage in literature. In fact, there is no such thing at all, and I don't have these strange feelings.Of course, we are Chinese, and we are a little homesick if we live in foreign countries all the time, but that’s not a big deal, just ask your parents to come out to have fun, wouldn’t it be enough to live with you for a while?My parents have been here twice.Jinghui finally persuaded her: Yu Zhiyun, the more practical people are, the happier they will be, so stop thinking about it!It is our responsibility as wives to take good care of our husband and children. The era of girls dreaming and being emotional is long gone for us. Jinghui, I envy you, if only I had half your personality.She said it with all her heart. Don't envy me, you are better off than me.To be honest, my whole heart is for Yang Wenyan and the two children. I am content to see them live well.Speaking of it, I seem to have no ambitions, and I am too easy to be satisfied, but people have to be like this if they want to live happily.Jinghui's words deeply touched her heart, and it was not that she did not take care of her husband and children with all her heart. Apart from being out of tune with He Shaoxiang in temperament, she often couldn't avoid disputes, and she always took care of his food and warmth with great care. Yes, as for little Hans, it was her whole life, but she just felt that something was missing in her life, and what was missing was the most important thing, which could not be bought with all the wealth in the world. It is a solid, long root extending in the soil. She heard people mention this word before, but she couldn't understand what it was?Now she can feel it, and feel it so clearly and accurately, because the pain this feeling gives her is so deep, piercingly deep, penetrating deep into the heart and lungs. Now she understood why Jiang Xiaofeng was so mad at that time that no force could stop him, so he wanted to go back to China to create his own national voice and let everyone sing our songs. Foreign countries became big names, we got married, got a house, a car, money, and I was still unhappy. If I gave up my ideals, I was doomed to live a bad life, no matter how valuable I got in the eyes of others. .Why did he say: I want to be with my own people, stand where I belong, and do what I want to do.Good or bad, I don't care.I don't want to be an outstanding Chinese, I want to be like all Chinese people, I am willing to be with them no matter what is difficult or happy.It turns out that a person is like a tree, with a long root trailing behind; it turns out that a small person has such a close relationship with the place he comes from, the nation he belongs to, and he can't cut it off if he wants to?Now she has everything tangible, but the invisible spiritual root that absorbs nutrients and water has been cut off.This invisible root is the lifeblood of her existence. No wonder since she came to Europe, she seems to be in a country of troubles, and her life is getting more and more unhappy every day! How wonderful it would be to realize this at that time!She still clearly remembers what Jiang Xiaofeng said: Zhiyun, you don’t even know yourself, you are not a realistic person like Chen Lingling, nor a person like Liao Jinghui who is easygoing, nor a thoughtless person like Sophia Liu. people.You have thoughts, you value feelings, and you know what value is.You are not the kind of person who can really let go and forget your roots. If you are a foreigner all your life, you will be as unhappy as me. She doesn't need to be a foreigner for the rest of her life, she's already too unhappy after just being a foreigner for the past few years, why is Jiang Xiaofeng's prediction so accurate?Did it really come true?From this point of view, he really understands her!At least it's not as far away as between her and He Shaoxiang, as if separated by an incommunicable mountain. If you think of Jiang Xiaofeng, you can't help but think of his people, and you can't help but think of the gray old building of the university, the beautiful small lake in the English park, and the bells hanging on the sharp corners. Just the tinkling Chinese pagoda.The wide sidewalks of Ludivisi Street, listening to open-air musicians playing and singing in the Marlene square, eating pancakes under the square, taking a walk with an umbrella in the rain, and the disputes over whether to go back or stay are all vivid. come back to memory.That period of material poverty, lack of money, and spiritually rich student years is so poetic in retrospect today.A few days before her wedding with He Shaoxiang, she received a letter from Miss Shi Mite from Jiang Xiaofeng, and he said again and again: I will wait for you, forever, these years have passed, is he still waiting for her?If he's still waiting for her, didn't he say listen, Zhiyun, I'll wait for you back, if you fall in love with someone else and get married, I hope you live happily ever after.If not so ideal!Even if you have a few children or become an old woman, as long as you change your mind and are willing to go back to me and fulfill our common ideal, will I welcome you with open arms?So, if she did go back to him, would he welcome her with open arms? When Zhiyun gets emotional and recalls the past, he will turn to these weird thoughts, and then confess and feel ashamed, and secretly blame himself: In her current status, a wife who has been married for several years and a mother of one child is really not good enough. He should not be qualified to think about such a question, nor should he think about Jiang Xiaofeng again. In fact, apart from the occasional recollection, Jiang Xiaofeng has long since disappeared in her world. The last time she knew about him was in a domestic aviation newspaper a few years ago: Jiang Xiaofeng wrote an article titled: Let's Sing Our Songs is a realistic prose, mostly about the blows and difficulties he encountered in carrying out our songs.The person who planted the tree may not be able to see the flowering and fruiting, but if there is no person who planted the tree, there will never be the fact that there will be flowering and fruiting. To make an ideal a reality, we must overcome many difficulties and go through thousands of mountains and rivers.Although we endured loneliness and ridicule and worked silently, and the effect we received was so small, we were not discouraged or discouraged. Rome was not created in a day, nor were trends and fashions created in a day. Therefore, for so many people who are unwilling We are not surprised to accept the fact that we are, in a daze, intoxicated by songs that lack national awareness and do not know what national dignity is.What's more, compared with the beginning, we still gained a lot of confidantes and aroused the conscience of some people. It cannot be said that nothing was achieved.Loneliness always coexists with ideals. We have such a big and bright goal ahead, so we don't feel the loneliness in front of us at all. It is impossible for Chinese people born in this era not to have a sense of national anxiety, but it comes or goes. Sooner or later, therefore, there will inevitably be a day when no matter what corner we are in, we will hear the same voice, and there is a part of the voice of our Chinese nation, which is what he wrote. Judging from this article, he has been unhappy since he returned.She once read the article asking us to sing our own songs several times back and forth, knowing that he not only has financial difficulties, but also has few friends. People would rather listen to imported pop songs than our songs for free. They want to rent a better venue to sing, but they can't afford the rent. They want to let people know each other on TV, but they don't have the chance.He said: We don't feel the loneliness in front of us at all, is it true?Even she herself couldn't figure out when Jiang Xiaofeng, whom she hated and had long forgotten, came back to her memory and was forgiven by her. Zhiyun occasionally receives domestic newspapers, and she pays close attention to the developments in the music industry.Many musicians who have returned to China have been given a big name by the newspapers. Even the role of the alarm old man has been in the limelight for a while after returning!Shouldn't someone as talented as Jiang Xiaofeng shine more brightly?The strange thing is that since that article, I haven't seen any news from Jiang Xiaofeng again. He Shaoxiang didn't know anything about the huge fluctuations in Zhiyun's heart. He lived peacefully, harmoniously, busy and full of vitality every day. Willful, some places are not sensible enough, he always let her if he can, sometimes he really disagrees with her ideas, and if he is very tired from work that day, he will uncontrollably say a few words to her.Afterwards, no matter who was right or who was wrong, he always bought flowers to send her to express his apology.Zhiyun often expresses dissatisfaction with life, but he doesn't understand why?Once when she said she was homesick, he suggested: "Pick up your parents and have fun!"She doesn't agree, I really don't know what's on her mind?Women are so hard to understand.However, Zhiyun has changed a lot recently. Not only seldom say anything dissatisfied with life, but she is also very gentle and considerate to him. When he is working in the study at night, she always knocks on the door lightly, brings in some drinks, and then gently Going out lightly, not disturbing him at all, not like before, complaining that he only loves work and doesn't care about her and the children.He thought: Everyone has to grow up, and she has also grown up and matured, knowing that her husband's career is important.Looking at it this way, even those little disputes in the past will never happen again.As life becomes more and more beautiful, He Shaoxiang's mood is particularly cheerful. When he is in good spirits, his interest in work also increases, and his inspiration for writing papers is endless. This day, as usual, he worked in the study after dinner, writing and reading for two or three hours, when he suddenly felt thirsty, and Zhiyun didn't bring in drinks like he did every day.He put down the pen in his hand, ready to go out to find something to drink before continuing to work. He Shaoxiang turned his head inadvertently from the study to the kitchen, and saw Zhiyun leaning on the sofa, covering his face with his hands, his shoulders shrugging slightly, as if crying, this scene shocked him.What's wrong with this?Who offended her again?He stopped when he thought about it, and stood at the door of the living room. Zhiyun seemed unaware that he was there, still covering her face with tears seeping from between her slender fingers. He Shaoxiang frowned in frustration, pushed the frame of his glasses, and walked in slowly. Helena, what's wrong with you?He Shaoxiang was at a loss, looking at a loss. Zhiyun remained silent, still crying with his face covered. Who offended you?He Shaoxiang asked again. Zhiyun shook his head. Well, no one offended you, so why cry?He Shaoxiang lowered his head in confusion, hoping to find some clues, but he found nothing.Are you uncomfortable there?He thought that was a possible reason. Zhiyun still didn't speak, but seemed to cry even harder. Are you dissatisfied with me?He Shaoxiang asked awkwardly. Zhiyun took off his hand, raised his tear-stained face, and said softly: Shaoxiang, go do your thing!Leave me alone, I'll be fine if I cry. Well?He Shaoxiang pushed the glasses frame, touched his forehead, and let out a long breath like a leaking rubber ball.Want to cry?Why are you crying?When he was studying science, his spirit of inquiring into the truth came, and he wanted to figure it out, so he simply sat on the sofa.Um?Why?tell me. Because my heart is not happy.Zhiyun said in a low voice.Wipe the tears off your face with a handkerchief. There is also a reason for being unhappy, but why?He Shaoxiang's tone was solemn and his attitude was serious, as if the teacher wanted to test the students. No reason, just unhappy.Zhiyun originally thought that He Shaoxiang would comfort her and say a few gentle words, but he didn't expect him to put on such a serious face. It turned out that he was in a bad mood, but it became worse, and he became angry when he spoke. How could there be no reason?Must have.He Shaoxiang was stubborn as usual. The reason is because of bad mood. Why is the mood bad?Are you sick?He Shaoxiang became more and more puzzled.But his uneasy heart calmed down again. He thought that Zhiyun had suffered some serious accident, but now he knew it was just a temper tantrum and nothing happened, so he stopped taking it seriously.He pushed the glasses frame, ready to stand up and go back to the study. What's wrong with me?Zhiyun rolled his eyes to look at him, was silent for a while, and said leisurely: Shaoxiang, I want to take little Hansi back to Taiwan to see. Back to Taiwan?Why?He Shaoxiang sat down after standing halfway, obviously surprised by this sentence. Why?In order to see parents, family members, classmates and friends, and Taiwan.Can't you see it?I think that place, I don't enjoy being here at all.He Shaoxiang's questioning and attitude made Zhiyun disgusted, and his heart was so angry that his sadness had turned into resentment. well!You are here again.Helanna, you have a childish temper, you have only been out for a few years!I always keep thinking about Taiwan, what is there to think about in Taiwan?Is it better than here?Look at me, I have been out for more than 20 years, and I am not like you. If I get emotional like you, I am afraid that I will not even be able to do my job.Didn't I say that?If you miss your parents, pick them up and play.He Shaoxiang managed to control his impatience with a helpless expression. I don't just think about my parents, I think about the whole of Taiwan.Zhiyun didn't make a fuss about picking up her parents. First, she really wanted the whole of Taiwan. Second, it was the same reason: She doesn't want her parents to see the truth of her life. In the letters she writes to her family, she always reports the good news but not the bad news. She describes life in an interesting and happy way, as if she is the happiest person in the world, and He Shaoxiang is the most gentle and considerate The relationship between him and her is harmonious and single-minded, and the family in Taiwan has always had the same impression of her. Every letter is full of praise. My mother is especially proud of her achievements today, and believes that it is all due to her education. As a result of cultivation, the same method is adopted for the education of my younger sister, Banyun, and I always tell her: follow your sister's example.What would they think if their parents came and saw that she was suffering in such an unhappy and aggrieved way?Is it to add to their worries, make their illusions burst, and become disappointment.Moreover, with He Shaoxiang's temper of superiority, whether he can get along with his parents is a problem Think of Taiwan?What is there to think about in that place?He Shaoxiang looked incomprehensible, and obviously didn't believe it. Shao Xiang, you have been away from your country for so long, do you not miss it at all? All I think about all day long is how to do a good job and reach the peak, and I have no time to think about anything else.The implication is that it seems very wrong to think of other things. Shaoxiang, I am different from you, we are two completely different people, I am not happy at all, I can’t bear to live like this forever What did you say?Can't stand this kind of life?He Shaoxiang was greatly surprised and interrupted Zhiyun's words.Helena, is there still something in our life that you can't satisfy?Am I a bad husband?我努力工作，給你爭來榮譽和金錢，我送你的禮物還不夠好嗎？我有不良的嗜好嗎？我稱讚過一聲別的女人漂亮了嗎？我忘記過你的生日和結婚紀念日嗎？海蘭娜，你實在沒有理由對生活不滿意了，別人還在羨慕我們呢！何紹祥彷彿發現了自己態度的過份嚴肅，有訓話的味道，便含蓄的笑笑，換上他平常那副和善而沒有多少表情的面孔。體貼的道：海蘭娜，你別再胡思亂想了，我帶你去個好地方玩，到外國休假去，小漢思也那麼大了，帶著旅行也不麻煩，咱們一家人一塊兒玩玩去。 既然何紹祥不贊成她回臺灣，織雲也無法太堅持。而且，自從小漢思出生，她就很少到外國去，能一家三口出去休休假自然也很好。每到冬夏季，朋友們見面的談話題材總離不開度假，郝立博士的一家，夏天總去希臘海濱，克雷門夫婦喜歡去北歐，斯坦佛立一家大大小小六口人，每年夏天都坐豪華客輪在海洋上遊盪。以前她雖然跟著何紹祥走過不少地方，都只是以眷屬的身份跟著去遊歷，像別人那樣為度假而度假的經驗還沒有，何紹祥已經怨了好多次，說是在婚前他每年都固定的到海濱晒太陽，或到山上滑雪，有了小漢思，她總說又帶奶瓶又帶尿布的不方便，怕小漢思受不了旅途的勞頓，又怕氣候的變化會影響他的健康，那裏也不肯去，弄得好幾年沒度假，他的腦子都得不到休息。既然回不了臺灣，出去遊遊逛逛換換心情也不錯，她最近心情悶得厲害，常常會有一種無法忍受的壓迫感，實在需要舒解。於是，便欣然的答應了何紹祥到西班牙海濱度假的提議。