Chapter 45 four four

As soon as the plane took off from Hong Kong, Zhiyun began to feel uncomfortable. His heart was in a state of turmoil, as if the waves were churning, and there was simply no way to calm it down.She leaned her head against the back of the chair, put her hands on the armrests of the chair, and opened her eyes wide open, staring at the flying clouds outside the window. Mom, mom, little Hansi yelled a few times, but seeing that Zhiyun still couldn't hear, he pushed her hard, raised his voice a bit and said, "Mom, why don't you answer me when I call you?" Only then did Zhiyun turn around from his concentration, and asked:

What did you ask mom to do? Mom, are we going to Taipei?Little Hans raised his excited little face. Well, it's almost here.Zhiyun answered casually, then turned to the white clouds outside the window. When we arrived in Taipei, did our grandparents come to pick us up? If they get my letter, they will come to pick it up.Zhiyun paused thoughtfully as he spoke, a smile flickered across his mouth.Maybe the uncle, aunt, and aunt will all come! Little Hansi clapped his hands twice, and laughed out loud. Mom, now I have Grosseltern (grandparents).In the kindergarten, every child had it, and so did Lisa downstairs, but I didn’t. They all laughed at me and said: Hans doesn’t even have a Grosseltern, so shameless!Now I have it too, how nice it is!How nice it would be if grandpa and grandma were always with us!Little Hans's joy came out of every word.

Yeah, it would be nice if grandparents were always with us. Mom, why doesn't Daddy come with us?Little Han thought about it, and there were more questions than usual.Before Zhiyun could answer, he suddenly realized, and said: I know, Dad doesn't like China at all, and he doesn't like Chinese people, so he won't come to China. This sentence startled Zhiyun, who was staring out of the window in a daze, she eagerly looked around at the Chinese people, and softly reprimanded Little Han thinking: Don't talk nonsense, what's the matter?You sit down obediently!It's almost there.

Little Hans hit a wall and stopped making a sound. He leaned his little face on the glass of the window and looked at the choppy Taiwan Strait below. Along the way, Zhiyun's heart was extremely heavy, and Xiao Hansi mentioned He Shaoxiang, which touched her sore spot and deepened her troubles. After realizing the unchangeable fact that Zhiyun brought Xiao Hansi back to Taiwan, He Shaoxiang's whole being changed rapidly.He looked haggard than usual, his eyes were always avoiding Zhiyun, and he deliberately didn't look at her, and he didn't show any kindness in his actions, and his mouth, which didn't need to talk too much, became even less talkative.For several days in a row, he came back earlier than usual, and one day he brought back a big bag of chocolate candies, and said simply:

I heard that people in Taiwan like Swiss chocolate candies, so bring them as gifts!After finishing speaking, he went back to the study and concentrated on his work.It seemed that the reason why he came back early was to lock himself in the room and leave everything outside. The plane took off at dusk, and the sky was falling with the first light snow in late autumn. Sparse, fluffy white flakes were slowly flying in the air, and the whole world was lost in confusion.As usual, He Shaoxiang drove the car so cautiously, with the corners of his mouth tightly pursed and his eyes behind the lenses fixedly looking ahead, without turning for a long time.His heart seemed very heavy, at least as heavy as hers!

In the lobby of the airport, they stood in a line of people waiting to check in their luggage.She led little Hansi, and He Shaoxiang carried the handbag for her. Both of them avoided each other's eyes and stood silently.There are two suitcases of the same style in the middle, as if separated by two mountains, too far away to be brought closer. The boxes have finally been delivered, and computer-controlled signs are already urging passengers to enter.Without saying a word, He Shaoxiang took little Hansi's other hand, and led them to the escalator downstairs. At the place where people come and go, he suddenly embraced her, and asked: "Helana, do you still want to go?" come back?She just stared at him blankly, unable to answer.Because she doesn't know if she will come back?They have lived together for so long, it seems that they have never really belonged to each other, the distance between the two hearts is so far, and she can't bear his thoughts and outlook on life so much.In any case, this marriage was considered a failure. Since she had the courage to go back despite his opposition, she had the courage to walk out of this marriage.But she just stared at him in a daze, not having the courage to say this out, years of living together, no matter good or bad, he is always her husband, she can't help caring about him, can't help worrying, if she said To be honest, he couldn't bear the blow.

Little Hans, kiss Papa and say goodbye!She gently broke free from He Shaoxiang. He Shaoxiang looked at little Hansi for a while, held him in his arms, and patted his back. Listen to mom!Little Hans.He said with a forced smile. Shao Xiang, take good care of yourself and don't work too hard He Shaoxiang was about to open his mouth to say something, but she was already standing on the escalator holding little Hansi, and in an instant, he had disappeared from their sight. At this moment, Zhiyun's mood is complicated.She could imagine how excited her family and friends would be for her return. She must think that I am proud of being abroad!She couldn't help but sigh deeply in her heart.Who would have thought that she came back only after she was too depressed abroad, and a broken marriage dragged on afterwards.How disappointed they would be if they figured out the truth of the matter!

Zhiyun was awakened from meditation by the sound of the loudspeaker, and the plane was about to land in a quarter of an hour.She couldn't tell whether it was sadness or joy, but she felt that she was so nervous that she couldn't control it. Mom, have you arrived in Taipei yet?Little Hans turned his face away from the window. Yes, we are about to see grandma and the others.Zhiyun squeezed little Hansi's hand tightly, and forced himself to speak calmly. The report said that Taipei was cold, only 15 degrees Celsius.This surprised Zhiyun quite a bit. After being away for a long time, she could no longer figure out what the weather in Taiwan was like. She only remembered those warm, lazy sunshine and the intoxicating heat of summer night. cool and refreshing.The horrible experience of many typhoons and torrential rains has almost been forgotten.Time is like a funnel, leaking everything that is not good enough.

The plane had already landed, the fuselage vibrated violently for a while, and then slowly taxied forward. Zhiyun put her face close to the window, and she saw this familiar land again, those trees, the floating clouds on the corners of the trees, the far and wide sky, and the majestic airport building, all seemed familiar.All this, how kind! The door was opened.Because the plane continued to fly to Tokyo, not many passengers got off, except for two foreigners, Weaving Mica was the only one to get off. Zhiyun was so excited that the stewardess standing by the door said goodbye to her with a smile, but hardly heard her.

The two foreigners had long legs and big feet, and they disappeared in a blink of an eye.There are only Zhiyun and Xiao Hansi on the corridor. Zhiyun heard the footsteps of their mother and son walking on the carpet, every sound would make her heart, which was hanging in mid-air, beat a little faster.She knew that someone was waiting at the other end of the corridor, but she couldn't guess who the person who picked her up was: mother?Father?Lingyun?With cloud?Or is the whole family here?How far apart had these people who had belonged to all her life had been separated by time!Are they equally nervous about the upcoming meeting?What a string of years!At that time, I didn't know the heights of the sky and the earth, and I wanted to go abroad with all my heart, and my parents encouraged her to go abroad wholeheartedly, saying that she would have a bright future after going abroad.What would they think now that she was back?You must think that she has got everything, and the clothes are back, right?She inadvertently touched the mink coat on her body, which was fluffy, so soft, so soft, and her thoughts were also as soft as the hairs floating in the air.

Zhiyun raised her head and saw two people standing at the entrance of the corridor, they were her parents, Yu Huanzhang and his wife.She was still some way away from them. Look, little Hansi, they are grandpa and grandma.Zhiyun showed his composure and said softly. Little Hansi immediately opened his eyes wide and looked in that direction. Yu Huanzhang and his wife had already seen her and little Hansi.They are searching for each other, looking for, looking forward to. Zhiyun could see the age of her parents from a distance, especially her father Yu Huanzhang, whose hair was completely gray and his back was a bit bent.My mother's temples also have gray hair. Although they are still neatly tidied up as before, her bloated figure and sagging skin can no longer hide her age.She was staring this way with wide shrewd eyes. At the entrance of the corridor, Zhiyun felt his heart was hot, his eyes were sour, and he shouted excitedly: Mom, Dad.Just choked up. Mrs. Yu rushed over early, hugged Zhiyun, and cried with tears: Zhiyun, my child, you have missed your mother Zhiyun lay on Mrs. Yu's shoulder, weeping silently, one after another, the tears flowed endlessly and could not stop. Yu Huanzhang took little Hansi by the hand, forced a smile and said: What's the matter with you mother and daughter?Zhiyun's return is a very happy thing, don't cry! After what Yu Huanzhang said, the emotions of Zhiyun and Mrs. Yu gradually calmed down. Little Hansi widened his eyes and looked at Zhiyun inexplicably, wondering what happened to his mother?Why do you cry when you see your grandparents? How are you doing along the way?Did you fall asleep on the plane?Yu Huanzhang looked at Zhiyun and asked.His voice still sounded so peaceful, low, without a trace of fireworks. I couldn't sleep on the plane, but I wasn't tired.Zhiyun wiped his eyes dry and said with a smile. Not to mention tired!Even the eye circles are tired and dark.Mrs. Yu looked at Zhiyun, her distress was revealed in her tone. Ling Yun and his wife, Ban Yun, and your uncle and aunt are all waiting outside, let's go out quickly!Yu Huanzhang said. Why don't they come in?Zhiyun asked puzzled. Your father and I asked your uncle to get a public certificate to come in, ordinary people can't. Zhiyun also couldn't figure out what the official certificate was?Just following them up and down the stairs for a while, before leaving the airport, she already felt the changes in the country, and she didn't recognize the airport building at all. , it has completely changed here.Zhiyun walked and looked around attentively.It is much more grand than before. It was rebuilt!But if you come back next year, the plane will not land here, and Taoyuan Airport will be repaired by then.Yu Huanzhang said with a smile. Taoyuan is building an airport?Zhiyun asked curiously. Work has already started, and it is many times bigger than this.Mrs. Yu, who led little Hans ahead, turned around and said. When passing through the inspection office, the customs officer looked at her passport. She was an overseas Chinese with a foreign nationality. She was accompanied by a child. Her eyes were red from crying. They knew that she had returned from a wanderer who had been away for many years. What's in your box? It's just some clothes that I usually wear, and there are two pieces of clothing that I gave away, and a few small things, some chocolate candies.I have been abroad for many years, and this is the first time I come back. I always bring some small gifts for relatives and friends.Zhiyun explained. The customs officer nodded and let Zhiyun pass politely without even opening the box. Zhiyun said thank you twice in a row, and walked out with Yu Huanzhang and his wife.In the short time since she set foot on the land of the motherland, she has experienced the kind of warmth and human touch that she can't find anywhere in the world. As soon as he left the gate of the building, Zhiyun heard someone calling: sister, sister Zhiyun followed the voice and saw Lingyun and his wife Huimei, standing in the crowd and waving to her with a smile.Ling Yun was still thin and tall, but he seemed much calmer than before.Huimei was even cuter than in the photo, she fell in love with Zhiyun just at the first glance. On the other side of Ling Yun, stood a young girl with long black hair, as fresh as green onions.Zhiyun immediately recognized that it was his sister, Banyun.When she left, Banyun was still a little girl who had just entered junior high school, with short hair cut to the ears, wearing a uniform, carrying a big schoolbag, her skin was tanned by the sun, and she was so unkempt that she didn't even bother to show her toes with torn socks Change.She turned out to be such a slim young girl! Sister, sister they are all calling. Zhiyun walked over and called out: Lingyun, Banyun.He burst into tears uncontrollably.She really hated these disappointing tears, but she couldn't control it, so she hurriedly dug in her handbag for a while, took out her black glasses and put them on. You have all changed, especially Ban Yun, such a young lady, tell me to get acquainted there!Zhiyun wiped away tears with a handkerchief, and said with a smile. Little Hans is really like a sister.Banyun pulled little Hansi over, smiled and said: Hello!Little Hans, will Auntie take you to play? The over-excited little Han Si kept looking around curiously, not knowing what to say, but when he heard that Banyun wanted to take him to play, he quickly nodded happily. Zhiyun's uncle and aunt also came from the crowd.The eldest aunt still looked so futai, she held Zhiyun's hand, looked at her mink coat, and said with a smile: Zhiyun is really dressed in glory, how noble this outfit is!Zhiyun, your uncle suggested you go to Europe, right? You don't need to ask, but you can tell by looking at it. Europe has its own extraordinary features, especially Germany. Regarding the trend of his study abroad career, thanks to Yu Huanzhang's timely comment: Hurry up and call a car to go back. If you have something to say, go back and talk. They called two taxis, Zhiyun took one with her parents, younger sister Banyun, and Xiao Hansi, and one with her uncle and aunt and Lingyun and his wife. Zhiyun's mood calmed down, she greedily looked out the window, and felt that wherever she looked, whether it was the houses on the street, the crowded vehicles, or even the unrelated and unknown people walking on the road, they were all kind and lovely.I feel that the moon is my hometown, and it is my own place. Everything is good and amiable. Yu Huanzhang kept introducing along the way: This road is called Dunhua South Road. You can see how wide the road is and how many tall buildings are built beside it. It was not like this before you walked! Really, how much has changed!Really well built.Zhiyun sighed and sighed, watching and listening attentively. What better place than this!Take it easy!Yu Huanzhang couldn't hide his pride. Mom, why are the streets of Formosa full of Chinese people?Little Han Si, who had been staring outside for a long time, suddenly asked. Didn't mom tell you?In your own place, you are all your own people. This is China!How can it be dissatisfied that the street is full of Chinese people!Zhiyun smiled at Mimi, and said patiently. Mom, do these people say the same thing we do?Little Hans asked again. Of course it will!Zhiyun laughed out loud. It's not easy for little Hansi to speak such a good Mandarin.Last year, the sister of my classmate Wu Hui returned to China to visit relatives. I went to their house to play, and saw her sister's two children, who could not speak a word of Chinese.Ban Yun said. That's the parent's fault, not the child's.I stipulated that little Hansi must speak Chinese at home.Zhiyun's tone was full of pride, but he felt a little melancholy in his heart because he thought of He Shaoxiang's opposition to the little Hansi speaking Chinese. Sister, you are a good mother.Banyun turned his eyes to Zhiyun for a while, then said: But, sister, in my impression you are not like this, you have changed a lot! Yeah?In your impression, what do I look like?Zhiyun smiled teasingly at Banyun as if he were treating a child.I don't think I will grow much without you, right?Have you forgotten what you look like? Oh, Sister Banyun is showing her teeth and grinning delicately. Zhiyun has changed a lot.Mrs. Yu, who didn't speak for a long time, watched Zhiyun carefully, her eyes showed how distressed she was for Zhiyun's change. Mom is still the same, she doesn't look old at all.Zhiyun said insincerely, intending to make her mother happy.Parents are also in good health, right? Mom has high blood pressure, but nothing else.Dad!And just the opposite, low blood pressure, often suffer from dizziness.Banyun answered instead. I know that my father's blood pressure is low, but my parents didn't have these problems before! before?When was that?Mom and Dad are already old men and old ladies.People have a little problem at any age, it doesn't matter.Mrs. Yu said with a sigh. Zhiyun couldn't help feeling sad, and realized that the years of leaving his hometown and his family had been a long series of days. Everyone had changed, and his parents had really entered old age. Zhiyun, Mom is so happy to have you back.Mrs. Yu patted Zhiyun's hand holding the bag, and sighed again. Sister, why did you write home when you were about to leave?I received your express letter the night before saying that it will arrive today. At first we could hardly believe it was true. The whole family was so happy that we were crazy.Since that day, my mother can't sleep without sleeping pills!In the past two days, my mother has been busy with your return, and even my father, brother and sister-in-law are busy with me.Ban Yun looked at Mrs. Yu with a smile while talking. You have been away all these years, and your mother shed so many tears thinking about you, I am afraid there will be a big tank for saving.Yu Huanzhang joked. Don't talk about me, you are almost the same.Mrs. Yu pushed back immediately. We're going to expose each other's scars again.Banyun said with a smile. But Zhiyun couldn't laugh. What her parents said touched her deeply. Since she missed me so much, why did she ask me to go out when I was desperate and hungry?What is it for?What have you and I gained from going abroad?She thought silently. The car stopped in an alley. Home, come down!Mrs. Yu said. Zhiyun got out of the car, staring at the green-painted gate, and the words Yu Yu on the gate.explain: When did you change the new door?It turned out that it wasn't green. You child, why don't you even know the gate of your own house?Isn't this the original door?It's just that it was repainted last year because the original color faded.Mrs. Yu said with a bit of reproach. Zhiyun couldn't help laughing, and walked in with everyone carrying bags. She stood in the middle of the living room, looking around greedily, wondering if this room was just familiar? The living room seems to be bigger and brighter!She murmured suspiciously to herself. It was rebuilt the year before last, and it was doubled, and the government gave a part of the money, and I posted some myself.Didn't you notice?The flooring has also been renewed, as has many things in the house.Yu Huanzhang pointed to the floor and then to the ceiling.Now the overall standard of living has improved, and generally speaking, everyone lives in a decent way. Don't promote it to Zhiyun, she has been to so many countries, and she has never seen any kind of world.After Mrs. Yu finished speaking to Yu Huanzhang, she turned to Zhiyun and said: You and Xiao Hansi will live in the room where you and Banyun are. I live in that room with little Hansi, where can Banyun live? I have not lived in that room for a long time. Since my eldest brother got married and my second brother went abroad, I have lived in their room.Ban Yun said. Talking about Zhengyun, Zhiyun hastily told the story of meeting him in the United States.Mrs. Yu finished listening and said: Zhengyun is a vigorous kid, with big ambitions, studying and working hard. He always said that he wanted to go abroad for further studies, and he really did. I think he will achieve something in the future.Praise and pride were written on her white and chubby face, and her two shrewd eyes swept Ling Yun. Ling Yun shrugged his shoulders indifferently, Hui Mei remained silent. Did Zhengyun mention it?No difficulty with homework, right?Yu Huanzhang hadn't smoked for a long time, and couldn't take it anymore, and was stuffing shredded tobacco into his pipe. He didn't say it was difficult.According to Shaoxiang: He has played a very good foundation, and I think he must have a very good future.Zhiyun told the truth.This was the first time she mentioned He Shaoxiang after she came back. When she said the word Shaoxiang, she couldn't describe how complicated her mood was.At this moment, he seems to be a stranger to her and has nothing to do with everything in front of her, but he is the person who has the closest relationship with her in the whole world, although they have lived together for several years and have different opinions Less coordinated.When she came back this time, she was determined to conduct a comprehensive review of the relationship between the two of them. She was completely undecided about what to do in the future, and a big question mark was stuck in her heart.In short, thinking of He Shaoxiang, her joy of seeing her family was diluted a lot. Why didn't Shaoxiang come back with you?If he comes back, the newspapers will inevitably publish news and photos, and there must be many places to invite him to give speeches.Then we'll all be in the limelight.Xu Molin had the demeanor of a fashionable European gentleman forty years ago, with his two thumbs handsomely inserted in the chest and armpits of his suit vest.But today's European gentleman has long been out of favor with this posture. Brother has a really bad memory. Didn’t I tell you that Zhiyun brought little Hansi back to have a look because Shao Xiang went to the United States for two months on a business trip?Mrs. Yu said. Oh!No, Zhiyun, I haven't seen you for a few years, and my uncle is also getting old, and his memory is not working.Xu Molin touched his neat and thin hair with one hand, and shook his head several times. It was only then that Zhiyun remembered the lie she told in the letter. If her mother hadn't reminded her, she would have almost forgotten that she had said it.Everyone talked lively, especially her uncle Xu Molin, who asked a lot about the situation in Germany and compared it with his time in Germany. The German girl, Lao Xi's ambition is too big, she is too nonsense, and even caused Germany to suffer misfortune and so on. I see that Zhiyun and little Hansi are both hungry, so I'll get some food.Mrs. Yu said and went to the kitchen.The eldest aunt and Huimei also followed to help. In order to save money, the Yu family never hired anyone, and only hired an Abasan to do the rough work of cleaning, washing and ironing, and Mrs. Yu always did the cooking by herself. Xu Molin was analyzing Hitler's strategic mistakes during the Second World War to Yu Huanzhang, and Yu Huanzhang listened to it with great interest, so the two uncle Lang sat in the living room to continue talking. Banyun took little Hansi to the yard to watch the cat. Zhiyun returned to her room, saw Lingyun sitting on the chair in front of the desk, smiled and said: Why are you sitting here alone? It was so lively outside that I couldn't get a word in.Ling Yun smiled freely. Zhiyun sat on the edge of the bed, scanned the four walls with his eyes, and finally stopped on a large mirror frame diagonally opposite.It was a picture of her wearing a square hat when she graduated from university. She had a face full of worries, filled with a smile of worries, and her two bright black eyes were shining with hope.She stared at the photo for a long time before slowly looking away. When you look at your previous self, you realize that your current self is another person.Zhiyun couldn't help but sigh. Sister, how are you doing abroad?Ling Yun's tone was so frank, full of care and understanding. Zhiyun stared at Lingyun for a while, then said slowly: You won't believe me when I tell you!I can't say that my life abroad is good or bad, it's just been like that for many years.Thinking of Ling Yun's strong opposition to her going abroad, for the sake of face, she didn't want to show him the anguish in her heart too nakedly. Yeah?Is it just not good and not bad?It's not just the way you look!Ling Yun is still studying Zhiyun with his eyes.When did you learn to read pictures?Zhiyun raised his eyebrows, and there was a teasing smile on the corner of his mouth.This expression of hers was not unfamiliar to Ling Yun at all. When the siblings were talking together, whenever Zhi Yun had nothing to say, she would raise her eyebrows and smile like this.I didn't learn to look at the face, it's your expression that told me.Sister, there were almost two of you when you left. How can people not change after so many years!Haven't you also changed.Zhiyun deliberately avoided this question. People have to grow up, and it is impossible to stay at one stage forever. Naturally, I have changed a lot, and I have become practical and calm.I used to have a lot of complaints, but now I don't. In the past, little things could irritate me like an angry bull, but now I don't.I learned to forgive and knowing that there is always something wrong with any society, I figured if I had the time to get angry and curse, why not actually do something about it?So I really did things, from a utopian to a practical person.Ling Yun looked at Zhi Yun deeply, and said: "Sister, don't be surprised if you say something, your expression makes people think that you are a person who has no direction, and the confident look you used to have is completely gone. What Ling Yun said happened to be about Zhi Yun's illness.What direction do I have?I've been lost for a long time.She said miserably in her heart, but she didn't admit it in her mouth. Instead, she smiled and said: After all, a writer speaks like an essay.When a woman gets married, she becomes a wife at home. What else is there to talk about? Sister, this is really not what you said.Ling Yun couldn't hide his disappointment. Yeah?Zhiyun sighed.After pondering for a while, he said in a less vigorous manner: How is your magazine doing? The sales were terrible, and after a few issues, they lost money every time.But it doesn't matter. We are confident that we are going to let it pay for a year. We just tighten our belts a little this year. After this period, it will definitely get better.people that!just to endure loneliness Can stand loneliness?Zhiyun felt that this sentence sounded familiar. Of course, people who are impatient with loneliness can't do anything.This sentence was said by a friend, and it has become my motto now.He stared fixedly at Zhiyun for a while, and then said: I have come to realize more and more that to achieve a big goal, one must devote oneself entirely to it, regardless of gains or losses Your big goal is to use your pen to arouse the self-consciousness and self-esteem of the Chinese people, isn't it?Zhiyun interrupted Ling Yun with a smile, which was still a little teasing. Not only that, we also need to use the pen in our hands to help Chinese people regain their lost national feelings and spiritual roots. Spiritual roots?Where to find it? Find it in the five thousand years of culture.Ling Yun said firmly.He turned around, put his left leg on his right, and gestured with both hands.Sister, you will see with your own eyes how much the standard of living of ordinary people has improved in the past few years, what achievements have been made in construction, and how prosperous the economy is.On the whole, these achievements are remarkable, and the most rare thing is that most people love their own lives: they are satisfied with this way of life. However, this is all material. In terms of spirit, I think we have been lost for a long time .We learn from foreign countries everywhere, and we are not sure of ourselves. If the same thing or a person is praised by foreigners, or even Chinese in foreign countries, they will immediately become worth a hundred times. Everyone agrees, at least no one dares to say no. good.And vice versa!Even if it's obviously good and really valuable, I don't dare to say yes with confidence, and no one even believes me when I say it.For example, when Ling Yun spoke excitedly, he stood up from the chair with a huo, put one hand in his trouser pocket, and gestured vigorously with the other.If it is a literary and artistic work, of course it will be taken by foreigners!This kind of foreigner must be a master of China. He may have studied Chinese for a few years and read a limited number of Chinese books.He sneered twice and sat back on the chair.In fact, can a few foreigners count the value of a work?What kind of China do they know about China?it's all question I think your point of view is too extreme. Literary works appreciated by foreigners may really be masterpieces, and you cannot generalize them.Zhiyun interrupted Lingyun to express her opinion.Less than an hour after returning home, the two sisters and brothers resumed the messy situation they used to have together. Of course, the possibility exists, but it is not necessarily absolute.I can't be extreme in saying this, at least in the current situation it is fair.Look!Among the works that are liked by foreigners, how many articles do not describe how poor and miserable Chinese people are, how primitive their lives are, how people have no way out, how they are slaughtered by reality, persecuted by society, and how corrupt the human society is?Only such works can meet the tastes of foreigners and find the suffering images of Chinese people in them.Of course!Who are the Chinese people, can they not suffer?In their impression, China is such a backward place, and the Chinese are such pitiful and hopeless people.That situation is just like the foreigners who used to think that the Chinese all had their feet bound and smoked opium. To this day, when some foreign tourists come for sightseeing, they must beat around the bush to find the dirtiest and most dilapidated places, such as the flies flying around the back door of a small restaurant!Bare bottomed kids shitting in the gutter!A few worthless bastards squatting on the ground to gamble together!Only by taking a few pictures of these wonders can you feel that the trip is worthwhile, and that you have seen the real China, and you can go back and take a photo with your relatives and friends!There are photos to prove it!As Ling Yun spoke, he stood up again, this time he did not gesture with one hand, but with two hands together.In fact, how many Chinese people in this place live that kind of life today?Can it represent the Chinese people today?Of course not.But foreigners want to see that kind of China, and some great writers want to describe that kind of China.As a result, China has become a backward place without progress.If you spoil yourself like that, can others not believe it?Maybe you will say that literature only bears the mission of literature, not the mission of society I thought Zhiyun was going to say something, but Lingyun stopped her with a gesture and continued: Yes, literature has the mission of literature, but literature also has the mission of society. The reason is very simple, because the article is to be read publicly. A person who writes an article is not a private person. The public man is like teachers and pastors, but has a wider reach than teachers and pastors.A teacher's scope of speech is only the lecture hall and his students, and the pastor only affects the believers who come to listen to the sermon.But for a writer, there is no limit to the scope of influence, and the influence also includes people from all walks of life, men, women and children.Therefore, he has a social mission Ai!Ling Yun, stop for a moment and listen to me say a few words.Zhiyun stopped Lingyun and said: I agree with you, literature has a social mission.However, the word "social mission" also includes exposing the darkness of society and describing the sufferings of the people. In any era, great literary works always reflect the times. You are absolutely right.Ling Yun immediately snatched away Zhi Yun's words.The question is, is that kind of darkness and suffering a typical example, and what percentage do they account for in this society? For example, if there is only one beggar in the whole of Taipei, no matter how miserable he is and how dark his life is, I will not regard him as a model I will describe it because he cannot represent the general public, but can only represent himself.If I write about him and make others misunderstand that all people in Taipei and even Taiwan are beggars like that, then I will be doing something harmful to this society.So yeah!This is a matter of conscience and conscience.Now that I am working on a magazine, I just want to create something new.Seeing Zhiyun grinning, Ling Yun couldn't help laughing too, and when he finished laughing, he said solemnly: Don't think that I am running a magazine for propaganda, or Boxerism, retro movement and so on.Our goal is to bring back the nation's self-esteem, self-awareness and self-confidence through literature and writing.Let the Chinese refine and refine the ancient traditional culture to create beautiful contemporary literature.Let the readers read without the smell of sheep, without foreign characters, not from the hands of modern Cangjie, not to describe the poor, hungry, wronged, stealing, incest, whoring, or depressed, pale, anxious, desperate, and crazy. In addition, it is also very beautiful, realistic, moving, and can reflect the articles of the times｜ Ling Yun was speaking vigorously, his words were flowing like flowing water, and when he was eloquent, Zhi Yun couldn't help laughing out loud.This smile stunned Ling Yun, unable to speak any more.Knowing that Ling Yun misunderstood him, Zhiyun quickly explained: I'm not making fun of you, I'm laughing, because I think you are as naive and enthusiastic as you were when you were a child, and your mouth is more eloquent than then. Writing down what you just said is a good article with something to say. Wu Lingyun was relieved, and a childlike smile floated on his impassioned face.Sister, many people think that we are naive, bumpkins, like selling plaster, but we don't care, we are really going in that direction.We must affirm ourselves and love our own culture, but we must not rely on the cultural heritage of our ancestors to live, but we must create modern literature in a truly Chinese form. Your ambition is very good, but how could Huimei follow you?Ting Zhengyun said that when you run a magazine, sometimes you can’t even get three meals a day.Zhiyun intentionally teased him. If Emi didn't obey me, she wouldn't marry me.We are like-minded, and we are all staunch supporters of Chinese culture. To tell you the truth, Huimei works in a trading company, and her salary is twice as much as mine. The source of funding for our magazine mainly depends on her and Chen Yonghua Speaking of Chen Yonghua, Zhiyun immediately interrupted Ling Yun, saying: I heard from Chen Yonghua's father that he is studying in a graduate school, how is he doing? Him?Ling Yun was grinning.He looks like a half-foreigner, but his heart is very Chinese. He thinks everything here is good, even what I think is bad, he also thinks it is good. Now he has a girlfriend and says he is going to get married soon. I heard from Chen Jiahe that he is going to live in China. His plan is big. He said he will stay in China for the time being, because he needs to absorb more of the motherland’s culture, but in the future he will go abroad to promote overseas Chinese education, so that the next generation of overseas Chinese will know where his roots are, but when he becomes an old man He will come back again when he is here, but this time he will not leave, and he will enjoy the rest of the year. He thinks life here is too comfortable.Ling Yun laughed again as he spoke. Overseas Chinese are all patriotic and miss the culture of the motherland. Chen Yonghua’s father has mentioned it to me twice, saying that he and a group of his friends wanted me to teach them Chinese literature! This job is very meaningful!you!Must agree? 唔織雲不願說何紹祥反對的事，含混的道：唔，還沒開始，我也忙，拖著一個家，拉拉雜雜的事也很多織雲話正說了一半，余太太伸頭進來，笑著大聲招呼道： 別聊啦，快吃飯吧！就等你們了。 織雲和凌雲到飯廳裏，果然見一張大圓桌面已坐滿了人，只在等他們。 這兩姐弟從小就好，一說起來就沒完，長成大人了還是這麼要好。大舅母笑容滿面的讚美著說。 他們姐弟兩個興趣相投，都是弄文學的。大舅也在一邊幫腔。 是喲，姐姐跟大哥好，就不跟我好，當然嘍！我不是弄文學的，興趣又不相投。伴雲嬌嗔的嘟起嘴。 伴雲，早就是大學生啦！還撒嬌？凌雲對伴雲眨眨眼睛。 姐姐回來了，怎麼能不撒撒嬌，是吧？伴雲。織雲拍拍身旁的伴雲，伴雲有點不好意思的笑了。 織雲，我看你吃過飯給紹祥通個長途電話吧！告訴他你們到了，好叫他放心。余煥章鄭重的提醒織雲。 織雲正慢慢的喝著雞絨粟米羹，這是她自小最喜愛的一種湯，余太太特別為她做的。聽了余煥章的話，她仍然慢慢喝著，心裏卻想：他會不放心我們嗎？不會的，他的心裏只有他的工作，沒有我們。 不必打電話，他不見得在家，打個電報就夠了。she says. 我回去時候路過郵局，正好給你去打電報。凌雲說。 紹祥不是去美國了嗎？打電報能收得到？余太太問。 唔，能收到，他要過兩天才去美國呢！織雲含混其詞的，就怕謊話被揭穿。 一頓飯，吃了一個多小時。幾個女人忙著收拾桌子，織雲也到廚房幫忙，見裏面煥然一新，全用白瓷磚砌成西式廚房的模樣，驚異的道： Huh!廚房變得這麼漂亮了？甚麼時候改裝的？ 也是前年。余太太一邊收拾剩菜，一邊說：現在差不多的人家全改成這種廚房了，以前都燒煤，現在誰用煤呀！都用煤氣，這種煤氣是公家配給的，用完了就送來 余太太還沒說完，大舅母就插嘴道： 像我們這種住老式房子的人，甚麼都談不到。如果你去新建的公寓看看，就知道裏面有多漂亮了。現在的年輕人，很多是兩夫婦都做事、存足了錢，就分期付款買層公寓房子，只有我們這種老的才住公家宿舍，懶得搬也搬不起大舅母沒說完，余太太也打岔道： 別客氣了，你還搬不起？你不想搬是真的，住公家宿舍不要錢，好好的為甚麼要搬。余太太轉對織雲，笑著指指許墨林的太太。明天你到大舅母家看看去，人家改裝得多堂皇，我們比不了。 你看著堂皇，織雲看著可不見得，人家織雲美國英國法國北歐，都去過，見的世面大了，會認為我們的破房子堂皇？許太太笑著說。 大舅母，並不是每個國家的生活都比這裏好，譬如說東歐的國家，人民生活苦得很，根本沒辦法和我們比。就是西方國家也不是每一個人都能豐衣足食。有次我去義大利，到鄉下看看，真嚇了一跳，沒想到他們的鄉下人是那麼窮，有的連房子都沒得住，就住在山洞裏，孩子沒錢上學，文盲多得很。像法國，說起來好像很富，很了不起，其實鄉下也苦得很。西班牙和希臘的鄉下更窮。 許太太和余太太都聽得半信半疑，互相對看了一眼，許太太道： real?How could that be?那次你去巴黎玩，寄給我的卡片好漂亮。我就跟你大舅說：這地方看著多好，要是命長不死的話，過幾年也玩玩逛逛去。 其實現在出去遊歷的人多得很，你跟大哥為甚麼不去？你們又沒有負擔，存那麼些錢做甚麼？我們是沒辦法，還得熬幾年，把伴雲送出國擔子才算完余太太正說到伴雲，收拾得整整齊齊的伴雲就進來道： 媽，我要去同學家，一會就回來。她說話的時候低著頭。 甚麼去同學家！別去了，你姐姐今天剛回來你都不在家陪陪她。余太太皺起了眉毛。 媽，我出去一下就回來的，你們這麼多人陪姐姐，也用不著我。伴雲到織雲身邊，扶著她的手臂道：姐，以後我天天陪你，陪你去逛街，去吃學校後面的紅燒牛肉麵。 我不用陪，你要找同學儘管去織雲說。 這時凌雲兩手插在長褲口袋裏，晃晃盪盪的進來了。 原來女士們在開會呢！別躭心，我立刻就走，我是來找我太太的。他站在惠美面前，看看她，說：怎麼樣？咱們可以打道回府了吧？ 惠美己幫著余太太把碗洗完，桌子櫃櫥爐台也拭乾淨了。她放下抹布，一邊用肥皂洗手一邊道： OK!Let's go back! 惠美說話的聲音也是文雅清雋的，像她的人一樣。她一直沒說甚麼話，只在忙著做事，聽著別人說，看上去那麼安詳端莊，織雲冷眼旁觀，對這個弟媳婦欣賞極了。當凌雲和惠美告辭的時候，織雲開玩笑的道： 怎麼總不聽惠美說話，是不是平常凌雲說得太多，你的話都被他給說了？惠美聽了也不說甚麼，只是微笑。織雲又道：我還帶了件衣料給你呢，今天累了，沒精神找了，等明天開箱子找給你吧！ 姐姐這麼遠回來，還帶東西給我，多不好意思。惠美的誠懇從矜持的笑容中道出來，彷彿真的很不好意思。 真的，姐，你何必帶東西？凌雲也說。 我又沒帶給你，是給惠美的，要你幫著客氣？可真是一家人啊！ 織雲的話把凌雲和惠美都逗笑了，凌雲拉起惠美的手道：阿美，我們走吧！回去我還要看稿子呢！ 織雲送他們出去。不知甚麼時候，天已完全轉晴了，大半個月亮掛在天角，看得織雲滿心歡喜。凌雲夫婦的機器鴛鴦車在巷口消失了之後，她還站了半晌才進來。 伴雲到底出去了，許墨林夫婦已告辭，織雲進來的時候，余太太正在替躺在床上的小漢思蓋被子。 小漢思太睏了，剛才都靠在沙發上睡著了。余太太說。 媽也累了吧？你連著忙了好幾天。 我不累，你怕是路上累了，你睡吧！余太太見小漢思已閉上了眼睛，便壓低了嗓子說。接著摀著嘴打了哈欠，輕手輕腳的出去了。 織雲對母親已現老態的背影發了一會愣，便打開隨身的小旅行袋，找出睡衣和洗臉用物，再把床罩掀起來，關了電燈，輕輕帶上門走出來，到浴室去洗澡洗臉。當她從浴室出來經過客廳門口時，發現余太太穿著肥肥大大的睡袍，坐在長沙發上。客廳的大燈已關掉，只有一個落地燈開著，光線很幽暗。 媽還不睡呀？Where's dad?織雲走進去，坐在余太太旁邊。 你爸爸明天還要早起上班呢！先去睡了。他睡眠不夠就會犯頭暈的毛病。well!再過兩年他也該退休了。余太太似有滿腹心事，嘆著氣說。 爸爸退休之後，這房子還能住嗎？退休金夠生活嗎？Zhiyun asked with concern. 房子是可以住下去，退休金不見得夠過日子，不過我們天母那幢房子每個月收兩百美金的租金，生活是不成問題的。余太太用手把睡袍裹緊了一點，半天不作聲，似在思索甚麼，過了好一會，才怏怏的道：不過，如果退休以後就住在這幢房子裏，可真算得上沒出息。 這房子又大又敞亮，經過翻修，更舒服了。媽認為那裏不好？織雲還沒弄清楚余太太話中的意思。 我說的不光是房子，是這個地方。余太太的聲音透著鬱悶。 媽的意思是織雲更不懂了。 我的意思是你爸爸退休之後就想辦法出去，辦移民。余太太加重了口氣。又裹緊睡袍，轉過臉看著織雲。你爸爸有個同事，就是領了一大筆退休金，移民到美國去了。人家能的事我們為甚麼不能？她說著又嘆氣。well!凌雲這孩子，我是一點都不能指望他。征雲是爭氣的，不過他剛出去，自己還顧不過來，等他熬出頭來還早呢！織雲，這移民的事將來怕得你來辦。 哦織雲大出意外。一時竟無詞以對。她想不到第一天回來母親就說這樣的話，同時也聽出那話中明顯的不滿。她知道，正如征雲所言，母親在怪她呢！當初全家省吃儉用了十年，為的就是把她送出國，然後由她來提拔全家人，全家的力量、投資、希望，全在她一個人身上。而她去國九年，既沒能提拔弟弟妹妹，為家裏也沒盡多少力，母親怎麼能不對她失望呢？ 織雲垂著眼瞼，望著矮桌上一個雕刻的小象牙球。想不出該用甚麼話答覆母親，她本想說歐洲沒有移民這一說，那些優越感奇重的西方人根本就不歡迎中國人，連去旅遊幾天都百般刁難，要想去長住那裏有可能？如果說是去依靠女兒生活嗎？就更沒有這一說。西方人父母子女之間界限分明，井水不犯河水，各過各的，父母有他們足夠生活的養老金，也不願去打擾兒女，誰也不懂甚麼叫依親生活。但轉念一想，連這些話也不必說了，既然已無回歐洲的打算，說了又有甚麼意義呢！ 余太太見織雲對她的話反應並不熱心，非常失望，也就沒興致再往下談。兩人相對默然了一陣子，才又長嘆一聲，怏怏的道： 伴雲也真沒辦法，我說爛嘴她也不聽。 伴雲？她做了甚麼？ 她有男朋友。余太太忿忿的道。頓了好一陣，又說：我叫她出國以前別交男朋友，她偏不信，倒反過來問我為甚麼？我拿你的例子告訴她，說以她的條件，出去找對象一定可以找到樣樣都有基礎的。她一點都聽不進去，還不高興呢！你看看，這不是又跟他會面去了，不到十二點不會回來。余太太又搖頭嘆氣，一副心力交瘁的樣子。well!我這個做母親的，也算是為兒女很盡心了，眷區裏的人家，有幾家太太不打牌，誰不找點娛樂？只有我，整天就守著這個家，為丈夫孩子操心，為了培植兒女，甚麼力量都用上了，可是她就是不聽你的，讓你甚麼計畫也行不通，有甚麼辦法？ 余太太的一大堆牢騷，使織雲的心情又沉重了好幾倍，也更不知道該如何作答了。 媽，我看伴雲並不糊塗，你不要想得太多。她敷衍著說。 我怎麼能不想得多？這關係著她一生的前途啊！余太太還是滿腹牢騷的口吻，她拍拍織雲放在沙發上的手道：織雲，你是媽媽的好孩子，如果你妹妹像你就好了。織雲啊！明天你開導開導伴雲吧！遠來的和尚會唸經，她聽你的。 All right!我勸勸她。可是，媽，難道為了出國，就一定讓她和這個男孩子斷絕來往嗎？他到底有甚麼不好？織雲終於忍不住有點反感的問。 well!別提了，這個男的是她同學，比她高一年，學教育的，家裏是種田的出身，口口聲聲說要到山地去發展教育，你想想，這算是那一路的人？像我們伴雲那樣的女孩子，如果到山裏去發展甚麼教育，不成笑話了嗎？你想，我怎麼不著急？就算她非交男朋友不可，也得交個有希望的啊！這個甚麼黃超雄算是甚麼呢！well!織雲，你明天勸勸她吧！余太太打了個哈欠，睏倦的說。 Oh, good.織雲若有所思的漫聲應著。 余太太以為織雲疲倦了，叫她快去睡覺。織雲說她並不疲倦，可以替伴雲等門，叫余太太先去睡。余太太道： 伴雲手上有鑰匙，不用等門。你如果還不想睡，我就先去睡了，人到底是老了，沒精神熬夜了。 余太太穿著睡袍的臃腫身影，消失在客廳門外暗淡的光線中。織雲對著門口望了好一陣，才悠悠的收回目光。 二十多小時的長途飛行，一路上都沒能真正的休息，她是真的很倦了。但母親的一些話，帶給她那麼多的抑鬱和煩惱，心上像被甚麼壓著、堵著，有種隨時會窒息的感覺。她站起身，關了旁邊的落地燈，拖著緩慢的步子回到臥房。 小漢思睡得熟極了。鼻孔裏噴出均勻的呼吸。織雲癡癡的注視著他，突然之間竟有一種似真似幻的奇妙感覺。出國以前的那麼多個年頭，她都和妹妹伴雲睡在這間房裏，那時候的她，天真，富於幻想，不知憂愁。這麼多年以後，她又回到這間曾屬於自己的地方了，但對面床上睡的不再是妹妹，而是她的孩子。yes!這個睡得安安穩穩的小男孩，是她唯一的孩子，如今的她，已經不是那時候的余織雲了，她的後面還拖著兩個人，在萬里之外，還有孩子的爸爸，那生活在一起那麼久，卻志不同道不合的人。以後的她又將是怎麼樣的呢？唔，以後，那麼多問題的以後，她不願給她心愛的孩子一個破碎的家庭，也不願做個離婚的女人，但又無法忍受何紹祥的觀念和作風，兩個要攜手共同度過漫長人生途程的伙伴，心竟離得那麼遠難題太多了，人長大是這麼苦惱的嗎？她是多麼懷念出國之前在這間屋子裏的單純歲月啊！ 想得一多，睡意也沒了，而窗帘的縫隙透進的一點點月影，引動起她一連串美好的回憶：她想起童年時的夏夜，一家人圍坐在院中乘涼，她和凌雲膩著父親給他們講三國演義的情景，想起中秋節時，一家人在院子裏賞月吃月餅的歡樂，想起和凌雲坐在鳳凰木樹下談人生大道理的有趣、自然，也想到了那個織雲編夢時代的自己，曾對出國存了多少幻想，多少希望 為了怕驚醒睡夢中的父母，她把動作放得好輕，躡手躡腳的開了門走出來。 在夜寒料峭的小院子裏，她又聞到了那熟悉的泥土味，又看到那水銀一般、流瀉在簷前的月光。她站在靠牆的部位，面對著那因植物過多，顯得有些擁擠的庭院。牆邊的芭蕉葉、冬青樹，都高了一大截，角上的一棵木瓜樹，像個瘦長的巨人，直沖得高不見頂。那是她和弟弟妹妹合種的，那時她還在唸高中。種完之後，幾個人就天天叨咕，說：希望它快快長大，我們自己請自己吃，多好玩啊！ 這小小的庭院，盛著多少她成長中的影子，那一片枝葉，那一塊泥土，沒有一根不顯形的線，緊緊的牽連著她的感情？連那帶點混濁的空氣，那院外偶爾經過的腳步聲，都使她覺得親切、熟悉。還有，那藍得海洋般的天空，那淡淡的月光，這一切，多美好，多深切的感動著她，多年漂泊在國外，她曾怎麼樣的懷念過他們！ 織雲竚立在月影裏，貪婪的享受著這份並不寂寞的孤獨。忽然，她聽到隔壁鄰居家有人在唱歌，歌聲隨著輕緩的夜風，隱約傳來，好像是個小女孩的歌聲，非常清脆悅耳： Our song comes from the bright sun and moonlight Our song comes from the majestic mountains and rivers Our song comes from the fragrant soil of the motherland Our song comes from the deep-rooted nostalgia for our homeland Our song comes from endless love in our hearts Our songs come from ourselves Our song is our song, the song sung by the sons and daughters of China 唱啊，我的同胞，唱我們的歌 織雲不禁愣住了，這曲調，這歌詞，太熟悉了，是在那兒聽過？她還沒來得及去思索，便驀然一驚的憶起了：這不是她與江嘯風合作的我們的歌嗎？那是她到慕尼黑的第一個暑假，在山上的老人院中打工，江嘯風每到星期天來看她，總說：織雲，我作曲，你寫詞，我們來合作我們的歌。那時他們正在熱戀中，她為他的才華和熱情感動得甘願與他共赴理想，一同創作我們的歌，於是她寫了這首歌詞，他譜了曲歌聲還在不斷的傳來： 我們的歌，我們認識歡樂和苦難 我們的歌，讓我們挺起了脊背，在狂潮逆流中屹立如山 Our song stirs our blood 我們的歌，告訴我們，做個驕傲的中國人 這歌聲，使她憶起生命中最豐富的一段時光，那些有理想、有真情、有愛的日子。她想起英國公園內的種種，慕尼黑的黃昏和午後，遠離故國的兩個年輕戀人的辯論，不同的目標，不同的意志，使她們分了手，那黯然的離別，多年來她對江嘯風的不能原諒。他曾說：撒種植樹的人，未見得會看到開花結果，但是如果沒有下種的人，就永遠沒有開花結果的一天。無論怎麼樣，我都要做那個下種的人。他曾說：音樂不是上流社會的裝飾品，也不光屬於學院裏，音樂代表著一個民族的心聲，一個民族的性格。他曾說：我們中國人，要發出我們民族自己的聲音，唱我們自己的歌。他曾說：如果我們要讓別人尊敬，必得拿出一個強而美的、真正中國式的中國，而不是跟在別人背後模仿的，失去自己真面目的中國。他曾說：織雲，回來，讓我們一同完成我們的理想，讓未來的中國人，都唱自己的歌。，他曾說：我等你，我永遠等你，不管到甚麼時候，我都等著你。 那些話像一串動盪的鐵鍊，一環扣著一環，在她耳畔鏗鏘作響，而在第一天回到祖國的土地上，在這麼柔美的月光之下，聽到被自己遺忘了多時的歌，被不相識的人唱著，她的感覺好異樣，像是一個母親在無意間找回了她失去的孩子，激動得不知該哭還是該笑，是悲還是喜。 鄰家的女孩反反覆覆的唱著，織雲用心的聽著、想著，如散開珠串般的眼淚，滴滴不斷的流著。 她想，江嘯風的話果然都應驗了：一粒種子，只有在屬於它的土地上，才會發芽成長，茁壯成蔭。他的理想，也只有在自己的國家裏，才會真正的實現。如今，她回到祖國的第一夜就聽到我們的歌，可見它是如何普遍的被接受了，江嘯風的狂想到底成為事實，在這塊自由土地上的中國人，已經展開歌喉唱屬於自己的歌了。這首歌，在她當初寫詞的時候，也不過抱著試試的心情，後來差不多就完全忘了它，而她的同胞，卻用從心裏發出來的，充滿感動的聲音唱出來了。她讓眼淚盡情的流著，流出所有的徬徨和慚愧。直到大門外傳來腳步聲，和伴雲與她男友的竊竊私語，織雲才在激動中平靜下來，快速的走進房裏。她不願讓伴雲以為她在竊聽他們的談話，更不願讓伴雲看到她的眼淚。