Chapter 10 Affirm yourself, live for others

Sprinkle the enthusiasm of life and turn it into the needs of others.The meaning of life will not be between one's own gains and losses, but an eternal rhythm with the whole world! Live out yourself, this is the value of life that has been emphasized since the 1980s.However, the confusion of words often makes people confuse living out of themselves with living for themselves, which not only loses the true meaning of living out of themselves, but also distorts social values.In fact, living out yourself is the starting point of pursuing the meaning of life, but it does not mean that you live for yourself all the way, but you need to find your own position, recognize your own characteristics, and then contribute yourself and live more for others.

In other words, living for others does not mean losing oneself, but is more conducive to affirming oneself and living out the value of life in the new century. The popularity of the concept of living out of oneself has its historical background.Locally speaking, many elders survived the Second World War and devoted their rest of their lives to their careers, families or children, sacrificing themselves for traditional values ​​all their lives. Their next generation (should be human beings like me who are about to become LKK) are also growing up under such shadows. Since the single social value standard has not been loosened, it is inevitable that they will live a very compromised life, and even bring physical and mental pain.

Scholars and experts put forward a way out for the soul, encouraging everyone to live out themselves, get rid of the traditional single value, and pursue their own success.This idea is very good, but it is often misinterpreted as only needing to fulfill oneself and not having to worry about other people's ideas.As a result, another trouble is caused. Everyone is selfish and cannot put themselves in other people's shoes. After all, how do we know the balance between living out of ourselves and living for ourselves, so that we can feel at ease?If you live for others, will you become aggrieved and lose yourself?

Seek self-affirmation first; give generously From the people of my parents' generation, it is easy to see the personality traits of living for others; however, they never feel bitter, not only do not have the trouble of being wronged and losing themselves, but they are also very proud of it.They are reluctant to eat and drink, and leave all the good things to their children.Even those who are a little more generous treat their friends so generously.They live their lives for others, and live happily. The main reason is that they can affirm themselves and be content and grateful. My parents are very ordinary, without a prominent family background, no impressive academic qualifications, and were even so poor that they borrowed money to survive, but they are very kind to their family and friends, and they always do their best to keep the best things. give others.

To this day, the family's economy has improved slightly. Although their health is not as good as before, their father is hard of hearing and their mother has a stroke, but whenever they see the neighbors mourning, the two still hold hands, dragging their shaky figures, and handing out red and white gifts.In this seemingly ruthless concrete city, pass on their enthusiasm for life. When I was young and ignorant, I could not see their behavior of strict self-discipline and lenient treatment of others.Later, as I got older, I realized that my parents’ thoughtfulness and kindness to others gave us a lot of blessings, allowing us to receive a lot of spiritual support or practical assistance when we were vulnerable and painful.

Living for others used to be the life aesthetics of the old generation, but it is a life concept that is about to be lost.It is relatively difficult for modern people to feel happy because they live for others. Instead, what they get in return is the annoyance of being wronged and losing themselves. The key difference is: without being able to recognize your own talents and limitations, and before you are sure of yourself, you force yourself to make contributions that you are not even capable of.Even, it is to give in such a situation of unwillingness and unwillingness, begging for affirmation from others.

If a person cannot confidently perceive his own unique temperament and show his good side, but tries to get the attention of others with exhausted efforts, he is bound to live a very hard life, losing himself and gaining respect.That's just living for others on the surface, and neither you nor others will be happy. For example: the wife cooks a meal, but cannot enjoy herself in the kitchen. She just looks forward to the family members who eat together to show gratitude and affirmation. It is a great pressure for both parties! Another example: I didn’t discover the motivation and joy of self-achievement at work. I only asked myself to cater to the wishes of my boss and please my colleagues. Maybe I could make a living in the short term, but in the long run, I would definitely suffer from emotional pain. And can't do it!

The concept of living for others is not wronging oneself, but affirming oneself.Only those who can affirm themselves can use a humble attitude to let go of the limitations of self-conceptions in their hearts, step over the fence between people and me, and develop a kind of consideration for others by putting themselves in their shoes. Recently, I read a very thought-provoking book "For Yourself". There is a passage in it that is worth excerpting and sharing with you: The samurai had been in his armor for so long that he had forgotten what it was like without it.Hitting him hard on the helmeted head with the blacksmith's axe, or Julia hitting him with a vase on the head, could only cause him pain for a while.Since it is difficult for him to feel his own pain, the pain of others is equally ignored.

It turns out that to truly be considerate of others, one must start from affirming oneself, including pain. Only by knowing what pain is, can one truly empathize with others’ pain. Shrink yourself, not to belittle yourself, but to be humble in heart There is a saying: if you shrink yourself, you can enlarge the world!At first glance, this statement makes some sense, but some people still feel unconvinced. Why should they shrink themselves and live so presumptuously? In fact, shrinking yourself is just a kind of emotional humility, not a compromise of ambition.The main purpose is to remind everyone: Don't over exaggerate your own sorrows and joys, you can see a broad perspective of the world.

A person who can affirm himself never needs to experience the grievance of shrinking himself.Because, he must have known for a long time: how insignificant a human being is in the universe.Without any reminders or restrictions, you can experience where you are and what you should do! Affirm your own value, and be willing to contribute yourself, willing to live for others, and provide services to those in need.In the process of giving, it is natural to gain spiritual joy, and you will be more sure of yourself, so life will start a positive cycle and feedback. Sprinkle the enthusiasm of life and turn it into the needs of others.The meaning of life will not be between one's own gains and losses, but an eternal rhythm with the whole world!

Facing the new century, I hope that the heart life value of living for others can become a retro fashion!