Chapter 13 you care too much, he cares

Appropriate care can make the other party happy gradually.Improper concern made the other party close the door of his heart even tighter. Sometimes, keeping silent is also the most considerate concern. Caring for others is undoubtedly a kind of kindness of generosity.However, it is still necessary to choose an appropriate method, consider the timing and frequency of expression, and adjust the care you give to each other according to the degree of friendship and understanding between each other, so as not to be self-defeating.Appropriate care can make the other party happy gradually.Improper concern made the other party close the door of his heart even tighter.

I had a very embarrassing experience myself. During his time as a consultant for a food company, he was awarded the planning and implementation of a project to understand employee work pressure and improve work morale.According to the original proposal, several specific employees had to be interviewed. Initially, work went smoothly.The employees who arranged for my interview were very friendly and frankly expressed their work bottlenecks and suggestions for the company.Because of this opportunity, I am familiar with those employees who have interviewed. In addition to saying hello, I will also talk about their current work situation when we meet. I regard it as a chat between friends.

I found that one of the senior female employees was more sentimental and often expressed some opinions under negative thinking. Occasionally heard some rumors in the company, and would draw inferences from one instance to another. staff.For this reason, I am particularly concerned about her. She was always frowning, and the expression on her face always said that I was not happy. Once I saw her really seemed very heavy, and I couldn't bear it. After a few marketing meetings, I called her inside: Hi!How are you?Do you need any help? She said politely: "It's okay!"nothing!

Two weeks later, I felt that she was getting more and more strange, and I was about to have a further chat with her. Unexpectedly, her department head made an appointment with me first, and said embarrassingly: Consultant Wu, I want to talk to you about something , but please don't be offended. It turned out that the employee reported to his supervisor that my concern made her feel a lot of pressure. She wants me to convey to you that she was born with a pair of splayed eyebrows and a bitter face. If you care too much about her, she will make her more picky about her appearance. After the supervisor relayed her words, I not only felt sorry, but also learned a valuable life experience. Inappropriate caring can easily force the other party to close their hearts.

Express concern, use the right method, and enough is enough Gibran said: A truly kind person would not ask a naked person: Where are your clothes?Nor would you ask a homeless person: what happened to your house? Care, not gifts.Even if it is a gift, don't think that if you are willing to give it generously, the other party must be happy to accept it as you wish.Even well-intentioned words may be embarrassing or even harsh to the other party in different situations. When giving a gift, it must meet the needs of the other party, so that it can be sent to the other party's heart. Concern should also be expressed in a way that the other party can accept, so as not to get counter-effects.

When both parties lack self-confidence and understanding enough, if they insist on expressing their concern, it is easy to turn a warm comedy into a dog biting Lu Dongbin and ignoring good people!The farce made both sides dumbfounded. Especially for matters involving privacy, it is even more inconvenient to directly express concern. Once upon a time, the elder brother of a neighbor friend died unexpectedly.When the family went to the beach, they found only one pair of shoes.There are many rumors in the alley: some people say that the tragic suicide was caused by family disharmony; some people say that the deceased made bad friends and did something illegal, so he committed suicide in fear of crime.

In things like this, it's best not to express concern by delving into the truth of the matter.For example: Oh!Pitiful.Have you figured it out?How did he die?This kind of sympathetic words, in the ears of the family members, still inevitably brings negative feelings. Every time they are cared for, they are hurt again. silence at times; also a most considerate concern You have the right to express concern, and the other party also has the right not to accept it.Don't let your concern become a tool to invade other people's privacy; don't let your concern be misinterpreted as having other purposes.

Some wounds always take time to heal slowly.Too much inappropriate concern, like sprinkling salt on the wound, obviously getting better soon, but being caught a few times, the intention of good intentions often brings unexpected malicious results, which no one wants to see. Do you believe it?Sometimes, keeping silent is also the most considerate concern. For example: Hi!I won't quarrel with you!However, I don't have much to do, so if you want someone to accompany you, or want me to help you with anything, feel free to give me a call!You just need to let the other person know that you are always willing to lend a helping hand when you need it, and let him feel that he is not alone.

In the book "The Mystery and Interest of Enlightenment", there is a passage full of wisdom: Because for Zen monks, some things are far more important than words.Zen monks will gradually become silent, and finally just sit there without saying a word, immersed in self-forgetfulness for a long time.This kind of silence does not appear to the other party as indifference, or a lonely nothingness that only troubles people.This silence seemed to be more meaningful than a thousand words.The sufferer seems to have been drawn into a source of strength, fresh energy constantly pouring into him.He felt filled with a strange confidence which would not disappear even long after the Zen master had been gone.

Perhaps, we will never be able to reach the realm of Zen monk practice, which can bring great stability to people.However, we can learn ways to show we care so that both partners are at ease in each other's silence. Caring is enough; otherwise, it will become a burden for both parties.