Chapter 35 14. When two roads are in front of you, choose the third one

Do you encounter this kind of situation in your work and life?There are only two paths ahead: do this or do that.However, no matter which one you choose, there will be bad consequences and influences. This is actually a dilemma.Dilemmas are the most constrained and most difficult of all problems.Because no matter which one you choose, there are advantages and disadvantages, and you are in a dilemma. At this time, what should we do?When two paths are presented to you, learn to choose the third.An either-or choice may not necessarily be the best choice.The choice of the third way may be the best choice.

I once read a very touching article called "The Sixth Ring": During the Great Depression in the United States, an eighteen-year-old girl, Mansha, managed to find a job as a salesperson in a high-end jewelry store.On the day before Christmas, a male customer about 30 years old came to the store. Although he was neatly dressed and looked well-bred, it was obvious that he was also an unfortunate person who was suffering from unemployment.Mansha was the only one in the store at that time, and Mansha greeted him enthusiastically. The man smiled unnaturally, and hurriedly avoided his eyes from Mansha's face, as if to say: Don't pay attention to me, I'm just here to take a look.

At this time, the phone rang.When Mansha went to answer the phone, she accidentally knocked over the plate on the counter, and the six exquisite gold rings on the plate fell to the ground. The girl hurriedly bent down to pick them up.But after she picked up five rings, she couldn't find the sixth ring.When she looked up, she saw the man walking towards the door, and immediately, she understood where the sixth ring was. When the man's hand was about to touch the door frame, Mansha called softly, "I'm sorry, sir. The man turned around, and the two of them stared at each other in silence for a full minute.Mansha's heart was beating wildly: what if he was rough, would he

What's up?He finally spoke. Mansha suppressed her heartbeat extremely, summoned up her courage, and said, "Sir, this is my first job. It's really not easy to find a job now, isn't it?" The man stared at the ground, and slowly, a smile appeared on his face, Mansha also calmed down, and she also looked at him with a smile, the two of them were as cordial and natural as old friends meeting each other. Yes, indeed.He replied, but I'm sure you'll do well here. After a pause, he took a step forward and extended his hand to her: May I bless you? After shaking hands tightly, he turned and walked slowly towards the door.

Mansha watched his figure disappear outside the door, turned around and walked back to the counter, and put the sixth ring in her hand back to its original place.Her eyes were a little wet, and she thought to herself: God, let these days pass quickly, and let everyone get better. Mansha was faced with a dilemma: Either swallow her anger, which would only bring losses to herself and the store.Either notify the security immediately and arrest the thief.The result would certainly be devastating to the poor man, and his fate might be completely rewritten accordingly. The kind and wise Mansha adopted the third method, which did not hurt him, but also gained his understanding and support, and recovered the loss of the store without any conflict.Who can say: This is not the best way to deal with it?

To learn to choose the third path, you must grasp the following key points: (1) Restraining blind impulse is the overall situation Focusing on the overall situation is a high degree of constructive thinking.Constructive thinking first emphasizes the principle of maximum benefit, that is, to grasp the mind or behavior as a whole to obtain the maximum benefit.Since we want to seek the maximum benefit, we must always put the overall situation first, especially when reason and emotion conflict, do not give in to the blind impulse of emotion, but obey the command of reason. (2) Go beyond aggression and submission, and focus on win-win

When encountering problems, people usually have three attitudes: aggression, submission, and win-win. (1) Aggression, a kind of active attack and aggression on others, giving the other party an excessive attack, beyond what he should bear. (2) Submission, a submission to unreasonableness.Such a method is actually escaping from reality and sacrificing one's basic rights.As a result, on the one hand, self-restraint leads to unhealthy psychology and emotions; on the other hand, it provides others with opportunities to use themselves and threaten themselves. (3) Win-win, it goes beyond both.On the one hand, they maintain their own legitimate rights and emotions, while on the other hand they try not to hurt the other party's emotions and legitimate rights and interests. They can even think of a third way to satisfy both parties and achieve a win-win result.

(3) Get rid of either-or thinking and pursue the best of both worlds In work and life, when we face a dilemma, we should learn to deal with it in a way that has the best of both worlds.To get the best of both worlds, it is often necessary to think about whether there is a third way or path. Let’s take a look at a story that happened in our country in the 1970s: A foreign delegation visited China. On the eve of returning home, the Chinese side held a grand banquet for them, and arranged a splendid acrobatic performance after the banquet. At the banquet, in order to show friendship, the host brought out the very precious and priceless Jiulong Cup to hold wine in China.A foreign guest liked this cup very much, so when the banquet was over, he wrapped the Jiulong Cup in a handkerchief and hid it in his handbag when no one was prepared.This move of the foreign guest was discovered by a waitress, and she immediately reported it to her superiors.

Nothing seemed to happen.As soon as the banquet was over, the car sent the foreign guests to the theater as planned to watch the acrobatic performance.The show was very exciting, and the last show, the magic master appeared.I saw that he was holding three nine-dragon cups in his hand, poured clear water, and the nine dragons were tumbling in the water, and everyone was attracted by the treasure cups.The magician raised his pistol and pointed it at the cups, only to hear a ping, and the three cups disappeared. Then the magician walked up to an audience and said: Please touch your pocket.The audience found a Nine Dragon Cup from their pockets, and the audience burst into applause.The second cup was found on another spectator.

There is only one cup left, the magician went to the foreign guest and said that there is still one in your handbag. Under the watchful eyes of everyone, the foreign guest had no choice but to take out the Nine Dragon Cup, and the audience who didn't know the details applauded together, and the foreign guest had no choice but to give a thumbs up. This is another story of being good at choosing the third way.The foreign guests who took away the Nine Dragon Cup, because of their special status, made this simple problem complicated.On the one hand, we cannot directly ask for the Kowloon Cup from the foreign guests, otherwise the foreign guests will not be able to get off the stage and hurt the friendship between each other; on the other hand, the Kowloon Cup is a national treasure and must be taken back.When the problem could not be solved directly, we had to use magic programs to solve the problem, so that the foreign guests had to take out the real Kowloon Cup. cup.