Chapter 30 28

November 22, 1916 Lavieville France, Somme * Ashley did not arrive in Lavieville until late in the evening.He rode his motorbike around the outside of town twice before he saw the building, a two-story yellow farmhouse partially blocked by a row of beeches from the road.He rode into the gravel yard in front of the house.Rocha heard the sound of the engine and stepped out into the courtyard, holding his hat in both hands.Ashley turned off the engine, lifted the motorcycle back and supported it with a stand.Rocha's chin gestured to Ashley. Are you that British officer? right. Are you coming to see that lady?

right. Rocha put on his hat, and Ashley followed him to the back of the house.They walked past what had been a vegetable garden and now a cluster of bomb craters, skirted dry and rotting tomato vines, and came to a cottage in a beech forest.Rocha pointed to the hut, motioning for Ashley to go over. she is there. Rocha walked back to the farmhouse, and Ashley came to the door of the hut.The curtains were drawn down.He hesitated for a moment, then tapped twice.The door opened and she rushed towards him like lightning, her body clinging to him.He felt the softness of her cheeks, the long curve of her neck, the scent of jasmine perfume.Her face was still pressed against his shoulder.

Ashley. You are such a fool.He said: You are crazy. He wanted to pull her away to look at her, but she hugged her so tightly. I can not believe it.She said: "Seeing you with my own eyes is almost too much for me.your voice sounds different It's really different. She stepped back and looked at him with her lips pursed tightly.Her fingers stroked his slightly raised scar. Honey.your neck fine.Ashley said: It's all right. He kissed her neck, pulling her closer.They kissed passionately for a long time, but when Ashley's hand moved towards her body, she grabbed him, and he also saw the hesitation in her eyes.

Ashley.Can you wait a while. They sat on wooden chairs with straw cushions at a small table.Light filtered through the linen curtains and fell on the table and a black iron stove.Everything else is in shadow.Ashley unbuttoned his jacket. why are you hereI have no idea how you did it. It won't be difficult.Just say my husband is dying in the hospital and they help me get here.But I can't go to your hospital because they know you are not dying.Can you promise me one thing? no. Just a simple promise.I just want you to hear me out before you speak.This matter is so important that I must finish it in full.

Ashley shook his head and said: They bombed here.They think the Germans are going to attack any minute that's not important.Can you listen to me now? It's crazy. Please, Ashley.Please listen. Yin Mozhen held his hand and continued to speak.It sounded like she had already prepared what she was going to say, and Ashley didn't interrupt her. Even now, it's hard for me to believe that you're still alive.I got a letter from your lawyer on a Friday.I did not receive your telegram until next Friday.I lived that week knowing that you were dead, from start to finish.a whole week.

Yin Mozhen withdrew her hand and looked at Ashley. You can't understand how I feel.I was so devastated that I had no strength to grieve.For the first few days I couldn't believe it was true.In the end I believed it, and I was convinced.I blame everything for your death.war.their army.our army.I dare not go out because I am afraid of seeing people in uniform.I hate myself for letting you go.I know I didn't try hard enough to keep you. She shook her head and looked at the floor. I also blame you for giving up our lives for this war.Blame you for leaving me alone in this world.We were destined to be together and you prevented it from happening.

Yin Mozhen started to turn the bracelet on her wrist. I almost tore the wallpaper too.They kept Eleanor with me all the time, she even slept next to me.I stopped talking.I feel that the meaning of my existence has disappeared, I was taken away with you, and my mind and body are no longer my own. Ashley loosened his tie, but never took his eyes off her.Yin Mozhen shook her head again, her tone very sad. Ashley, you can't understand how painful that is.How I envy you for not having to stay away from everything you care about, even in the distant future. I sent you a postcard.why so long

They hide it from me.They don't believe that's why Eleanor is writing to you.I didn't know you were alive until I saw the telegram.After I read the telegram, I must see you, because everything has changed, my dear. Yin Mozhen stretched out a hand to touch Ashley's cheek. I am pregnant.is our child. Ashley stared at her with wide eyes and opened his mouth slightly.Later, he finally spoke: Are you sure? right.So sure I have to come here. Ashley looked at the candles on the table.He lightly touched Yin Mozhen's shoulder. it does not matter.While it may be earlier than we expected, we can handle it.You know how I feel about you.I would have asked you in London if I had known you would be with me

Please don't ask me. Why? Because you'll feel like I'm rejecting you when that's not the case at all.Let me tell you, when we were in that café in Piccadilly and you were talking about mountains and drawing pictures on napkins I wanted to hear everything you had to say.But all I could think about was, I knew very well that we were meant to be together, you and me, Ashley.Maybe you feel the same way I do, and it makes you want us to have certain developments, and I hope for other developments, but it doesn't mean which of the two is more important. what does it matter Let me finish, dear.In that coffee shop, I thought we would have kids.I think of being with you every day for many years to come, and thinking that it would be nice if we only had one week in the house together if no one bothered.I know we're as good as anything in this world in pairs.And when I think like that, I always think like that.That thought never left me, not even when I thought you were dead.But I can't go through life like this month again.

I don't know.You came to France just to reject me?just to say I value you very much.Yin Mozhen said: A thousand times more important than myself.so i'm here to tell you what i couldn't say in my letter She caressed his face with one hand and covered his mouth to prevent him from speaking. You can't go back to the front, Ashley.You absolutely can't.not now. Do not be silly. Yin Mozhen shook her head violently.It would be foolish to go back.Can't you see it?We have a baby and I don't want to leave a baby without a father just because I can't speak my mind, just because you're too blind

I am not blind. Her hands are thrown into the air. Yeah?Look around you, Ashley.What happened to the guys with you in OTC?Why are half of the girls in Mayfair dressed in black as if they were struck by lightning at the same time?Because people all over Britain are lying to themselves that they will make it, or that their husbands will survive.Me too, Ashley, but after this month, I can no longer go on like this.A year ago, I wanted to save everyone, the Germans, the British, the French, the Austrians.But now I dare not read the newspaper at all.Do you know why? that's not the point Because I know how selfish I am, if you have to kill a hundred people to survive, I want you to do that.As scary as this is, it is true.Ashley, I have lost my principles.The war will go on until everyone is dead and there is nothing I can do to save everyone.But I can try to save important things. I know what I'm doing.I was very careful there. Yin Mozhen stood up, her palm pressed against her forehead. Ashley, she gasped, you almost died.How else can I convince you?Won't you believe me until you die?You are a more rational person, so tell me how to rationally believe that in this war where only one of ten second lieutenants can survive, you will be the one to survive. There's a reason I lasted so long. support.she repeated.Listen to yourself.You've only been there three months.Look at that horrible scar on your neck, and you can't even talk like you used to.You have already given enough for them, do you have to give everything? it's not my choice Yin Mozhen returned to him, held his hand, and looked into his eyes. Yes, dear, yes.That's why I'm here to tell you this.I guess you hate war more than I do, but you admit nothing because you can't see it.You're in it, you don't see any way out, you think there's nothing you can do but keep going until you die. Do you even know what you are talking about?Even if I want to leave, it is impossible. nothing is impossible.There must be a way, we just have to find that way.It's about your life, Ashley.I've left England and I don't care if I can go back.We can come up with a plan and wait until the time is right Ashley shook his head, his voice getting louder. are you crazyYou're talking about being a deserter! I'm talking about saving your life.If you don't leave, then tune away from the front lines.It's okay to be sent to training camp, anyway, go to a place where I know you're safe, so I can sleep in peace.All the people you fear will despise you will be dead by then.As long as we can have each other, who cares what other people think? Ashley pulled down his tie, put it in his pocket, and stood up. You are living a fantasy.You think I can turn my back on my brother and treat it like Boy Scouts.You think we can forget about your people and my people so easily and have children without getting married.They would call such children by a special name, Inmogene, and they would not be invited to the embassy ball because of this. Yin Mozhen backed towards the door, her face flushed, and she touched the doorknob behind her with her hand. I can't take it anymore. She walked out of the cabin and slammed the door hard.The candle was extinguished by the draft.Ashley stayed at the table, watching the smoke rise from the burnt wick in the dark.Then he too walked out the door. Yin Mozhen stood in the beech forest behind the hut, and the gray daylight was beginning to dim now.Although the rain had stopped, there were still big drops of water falling on the trees.Ashley walked towards her, but she didn't turn around. Who else knows about children? A doctor in Kensington. Is there anyone else? Eleanor.that's all. Ashley looked down at the wet leaves. My God, Yin Mozhen, even if all this is not perfect, please be reasonable and accept me.Tell me you're not afraid to spend your life with me 'cause I'm not I'm not afraid. Then marry me. Yin Mozhen turned around, lightly touched his shoulder, and stroked the golden Star of the Bath sewn on the shoulder strap with her fingers.She bit her lip. Honey.I can not.Especially when I hardly know if I'll ever see you again.you have to stay away Ashley shook his head, he looked at him, and then spoke softly: I can't leave the military.Even if you are pregnant with a child.This is impossible. It must be possible.This is our only chance. Even if it were possible, I would not leave.Yin Mozhen, I have led many people to die.Those people are willing to go because I push them forward.those people have their own families You can't bring them back to life even if you die. no.but i have a responsibility Are you not responsible for me?Or to our children? have. Which is more important? I need to see clearly. Yin Mozhen's voice was broken.She shook her head, her eyes glistening. But you can never see clearly.Don't you understand?And I can't go through a week like that, waking up three times a night and thinking you were dead long before I got the news.Ashley, if you go back, I will never see you again, I know very well.I've had nightmares like this a dozen times, I went to find you, but you don't even have a tombstone You are just scared.Ashley interrupted her.You are afraid, so you imagine these things, but it is not true.We all get scared once in a while.But I am an officer.I can't give up my brother because it's dangerous. you are a man.You are a man with a life to live, and you will die.Ask them to send you somewhere safe, as long as it's not the front lines.You have been injured, then ask a doctor to certify that you are not fit to fight.I know you can do it, everyone else I can't do that.I will not. Won't you do that for me?Or for our children, Ashley? I can not. Yin Mozhen waved her hands to the air. So you want me to just wait like this?Sleeping every night with your baby, knowing you may never see your baby because you won't I can't leave the military. Then I can't wait for you. Yin Mozhen swallowed hard.She looked at Ashley with wide moist eyes, looked around with a blushing face, opened her mouth but said nothing.Neither of them spoke.Yin Mozhen looked at Ashley, then turned and went back to the hut.Ashley did not follow. He had the taste of iron in his mouth and spat on the ground, but the taste didn't go away.He stood for a few minutes under the dripping tree.Then he went back to the cottage door and knocked, but it was locked and she didn't answer.He put his ear to the door and thought he could hear her weeping, but now the rain was falling again, making it difficult for him to tell.The sky turned from a dark blue-gray to black.A lamp was lit in Rocha's farmhouse, and a figure was watching from the window. Yin Mozhen.he begged.open the door. no respond.Ashley kicked the door and cursed.Still no response.He turned back across the vegetable garden to the driveway, trying to start the engine, and the figure at the window was still watching him.Ashley followed the steps of ignition, choke, throttle, compression lever, and starter lever, but he couldn't start the engine.On the fourth attempt, he finally started the motorcycle.He let the engine idle and waited to see if she would come out because of the sound.In the end nothing happened. Ashley shifted into gear and started riding north. Eighteen minutes later, the shelling began. At eight o'clock last night, as the redheaded nurse's assistant flipped the light switch in Ashley's ward at the hospital, a German orderly was trudging through a traffic trench covered in blue-gray mud a few miles to the east.The orderly went west until at last they found the entrance to the dugout, with a crooked door frame and a sign board nailed to the mud wall of the ditch.He wiped the mud off the boards and read the signs in the flickering light of a flare as it fell.He breathed a sigh of relief. The orderly descended the sticky steps and handed a sealed envelope to an artillery officer who was having dinner.The envelope is wet and can be torn easily.Inside was a card with orders from division headquarters written on a typewriter, and there were some dark spots on the card.The officer looked up at the orderly.The orderly looked away respectfully from the card.The officer grunted.He signed the card on the wet envelope and returned it to the orderly. At the same hour the artillery moved into action.As Ashley tossed in bed, spending his last night in the hospital, there were men in gray uniforms on the other side of the battle line whipping and driving horses and mules, setting up field guns, and pulling and marching across the wet ground.The faces of the enemy were hidden under steel helmets or in the long hoods of raincoats, their mouths and chins illuminated only by occasional flares or the flare of incoming shells.It's wet and cold here. Artillery dragged through the swathes of mud.The wheels of the field guns and wagons bogged down.The spokes and axles were glued and covered in mud, and the chassis touched black wetlands as it was dragged.The enemy swore, then raised his useless whip in the dark, and lashed hard at any animal that needed a lesson.They pushed through the sticky, foot-sucking mud traps, whipping the animals forward, moving the cannon a little at a time. Finally, the cannon arrived at the designated location, a little later than expected.The artillery officer passed a few words of explanation to his superiors: Widrige Umstande.The situation is unfavorable. Ashley was riding north to Lowancourt when the bombing began.He had no map, and he had only just left La Vieville before he got lost in paths that all looked the same in the dark.Later, the shelling began.At first Ashley could only hear the faint roar of small-caliber shells, but later the bombardment turned into a rhythm of slamming, and the entire sky was filled with the sound of explosions. Ashley pulled the front brake lever and stepped on the rear brake pedal. The tires slipped on the slippery ground, and the car twisted a few times before stopping.He wiped his goggles and looked towards the eastern horizon.In the direction of Leyepval, white flashes cut through the clouds, and below them were arcs of red and orange from the sparks of high-explosive shells.The silhouettes of trees and buildings seemed to sway and collapse in the firelight. Ashley turned the motorcycle around on the muddy ground and started riding back to the hut. He rides very fast now.The explosion of German 5.9-inch shells was heard nearby, overshadowing the sound of high-speed engines. It first sounded faintly in the distant air, and then exploded like thunder nearby.He wiped the water off the goggles, clumsy with his gloved fingers.The road climbed uphill, so he depresses the lever, feeding more oil into the engine.In the distance, a Willy flare bursts out of the trees and ascends; in the white light below the flare, a group of figures are seen walking the road ahead.Ashley eased off the accelerator. He came across the group of evacuated civilians, who turned out to be several families riding in carriages or walking.They must have been warned before the bombing began.Ashley coasted past the drenched civilians, then pushed the accelerator back into second gear.He knew it was foolish to ride so fast.Even in the daytime, his motorcycle is not very good, not to mention that the ground is slippery and the visibility is not good. The road curved and climbed until Ashley reached La Vieville, a familiar town with a chapel and white stone town hall.Ashley rode slowly, squinting in the rain, and made a detour back to Rocha's yellow farmhouse.He parked the motorcycle in front of Yin Mozhen's hut, pushed open the door, and lit the room with a torch.nobody.The girl's suitcase was gone, only the tangled sheets on the bed. Ashley went to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.No one responded.He slammed on the door and shouted Rocha's name, but he knew that the other party had already left.He pushed his motorcycle off the stand and rode onto the main road to Amiens, now heading west.He comes across two French gendarmes smoking a cigarette in the rain.They watched him pass blankly.On the way down, there are more and more civilians heading west, and a longer line of people extends to the distance.Ashley came to a roadblock.He parked his motorcycle behind the crowd. Crowds gathered around a wagon that had collapsed with a broken axle and its contents crashing into the thick mud.There was a large wardrobe half-buried in the wet ground, and several drawers were open, as if to be filled with rainwater.A fat gendarme was yelling at two civilians.Ashley pushed the motorcycle through the woods beside the road.He got on the bike again and continued on. A mile later, Ashley came across another group of distraught civilians, and Rocha was just ahead of him driving a cart, drawn by two uncoordinated horses.Ashley slowed down and yelled at Rocha, who also parked the carriage to the side of the road, got out, and stood in the mud with his whip, rain dripping from the brim of his hat.Ashley asked him where the girl had gone.Rocha shrugged. I have no idea.She left after you left. Where is she going?Which way does she go? Rocha squinted his eyes and looked at Ashley in the rain.He said again that the girl had left this afternoon and he didn't know where she had gone.Ashley took out a roll of francs from his pocket and showed it to Luo. tell me. Rocha spat on the mud.He shook his head sadly, and asked Ashley, why did the girl tell him where she was going.Ashley threw money at Rocha's feet and raised the torch in front of him, freezing rain fell in the heavy air.A group of people gathered on the road to watch the fun.A shell explodes somewhere, and everyone crouches on the ground.Ashley stood up and drew his revolver. You are crazy.Rocha said: You are mad. Ashley swiped the torch toward the soaked faces of the others, and they looked away as soon as they were illuminated.The banknotes at Rocha's feet sank into the mud.One of the guys in the crowd cursed the Englishman.Ashley retreated to the side of the motorcycle.He put away the pistol and started the engine on the second try, all watching him in silence. Ashley rode his bike through the crowd, then continued west.