Chapter 5 Great grief

Grief is a wall between two gardens. Gibran McCann stood on the bank and bent over, still trying to catch his breath.It took a few minutes to think of Missy.Remembering that she was doing coloring books at the table before, he walked towards the shore where the camp could be seen, but she was nowhere to be seen.He quickened his pace, hurried to the tent trailer, and called her name as calmly as he could.no respond.she's not there.Even though his heartbeat dropped for a moment, he reassured himself that someone must have taken care of her in the chaos, perhaps Sarah or Vickie, or one of the older children.

Not wanting to appear overly anxious or flustered, he found two new friends and calmly told them that he couldn't find Missy, and asked them if they could ask their family members.The two hurried to their camp, with Jess first reporting that Sarah hadn't seen Missy all morning.He and McCann then went to the Doucet family's camp, but before they arrived, Amir hurried to them with an obviously disturbed expression on his face. No one has seen Misi today, and we don't know where the Anbo people are.Maybe the two of them are together?There was a hint of fear in Amir's question.

It must be so.McCann said, trying to reassure himself and Amir.Where do you think they will be? Why don't we check out the restrooms and showers?Jesse suggested. Good idea, McCann said.I'll check out the one closest to our campsite, which my kids use.Do you and Emil want to check out the room in the middle of your camp? They nodded, and McCann trudged toward the nearest shower before noticing that he was barefoot and shirtless.I must have looked miserable.He thought to himself, if he hadn't completely focused on Miss, he might still have laughed to himself. In the bathroom, he asked a girl from the ladies' section if she saw a little girl in a red dress, or maybe two girls.She said she didn't pay attention, but was willing to go see it again.In less than a minute, she came out and shook her head with him.

Thank you anyway.Continue around to the back of the building where the showers are located, McCann said.He turned the corner and started calling Missy's name.McCann could hear the sound of running water, but there was no response.Guessing that Missy might be in one of them, he knocked on each door until he heard a response.All he sees is a poor old woman who is terrified because she accidentally opened her shower when he knocked on the door.The old woman screamed, and McCann kept apologizing, shut the door hastily, and hurried to the next room to check. There was no sign of Missy in the six showers.He checked the men's toilets and showers again, not wanting to think why he had to look there.There was no sign of her anywhere, and McCann jogged back to Amir's camp, unable to think of any prayers, only begging: God, help me find her, God, please help me find her!

When Vicky saw him, she rushed to meet him.She had been trying not to cry, but she couldn't help crying when they hugged each other.Suddenly McCann desperately wished that Cortana would be there, that she would know what to do, or at least know what was the right thing to do.He felt so dazed. Sarah told Josh and Kate to go back to your camp first, so don't worry about them.Vicky told him, sobbing and breaking. God, thought McCann, he had completely forgotten about the other two kids.What kind of father am I?Although he was relieved that Sarah was taking care of them, he now wished that Cortana was there.

At that moment, Emil and Jesse rush into the camp, Emil looking relieved and Jesse looking tense like clockwork. We found her!Amir shouted, his face brightened, and then when he realized the meaning of his words, his expression turned serious again.I mean, we found Anbo.She just got back from showering in another place that still had hot water.She said she told Mom, but Vicky probably didn't hear his voice fading away. But we didn't find Missy, Jesse quickly added, answering the most important question.Anbo didn't see her today either. At this moment, Emil took over the command in a professional manner.McCann, we have to contact the camp management immediately and send out information to help find Miss.Perhaps in the midst of the commotion she was frightened and overwhelmed and lost or lost her way, or perhaps she was looking for us but went the wrong way.Do you have a picture of her?Maybe there is a photocopier in the office and we can print a few copies first to save some time?

Yes, I have a snapshot of her in my wallet.He reached into the back pocket of his trousers, but panicked for a moment because he found that the wallet was missing.His mind flashed the idea of ​​his wallet falling to the bottom of Wallowa Lake, and then remembered that it was still in his RV after yesterday's trolley ride. The three of them returned to McCann's camp.Jessie ran over first to tell Sarah that Anbo was safe, but Missy's whereabouts were still unknown.When they arrived at the camp, McCann hugged Josh and Kate, encouraged them, and tried to appear as composed as possible for their sake.After changing his soaking wet clothes, he hastily put on a T-shirt and jeans, clean dry socks, and jogging shoes.Sarah promised to watch over his two older children with Vicky, and whispered that she was praying for him and Missy.McCann gave her a quick hug and thanked her, and after kissing the two children, he joined the other two in a jog to the camp office.

The news of the rescue in the water reached the small camp headquarters with only two rooms before them, and everyone in the headquarters was very excited.The joyous mood quickly changes as the three of them take turns explaining Miss' disappearance.Fortunately, there was a photocopier in the office, and McCann enlarged six photos of Missy and distributed them around. The Wallowa Lake Camping Area has 215 campsites, divided into five ring areas and three group areas.The young assistant manager Jeremy.Bellamy volunteered to help, so they divided the camp into four and each set off with a map, a picture of Miss, and the office walkie-talkie.Another assistant also returned to McCann's camp with a walkie-talkie to report back if Missy showed up there.

It was a slow, methodical approach, too slow for McCann, but he knew it was the most logical way to find Missy, as long as she was still in the camp.He walks between the tent and the trailer, praying and making promises.He knew it was foolish and irrational to make promises to God, but he couldn't help himself.He was desperate to find Missy, and of course God knew where she was. Many of the campers were away from camp, or doing their last packing and getting ready to go home, and no one saw Missy or any little girl like her.The four-member search team liaised with the office from time to time to get updates on their respective progress.But nothing was found, and it was almost two o'clock in the afternoon.

As McCann finished scouting his area, a message came over the walkie-talkie: Jeremy, who was in charge of the area closest to the entrance, thought he was making progress.Amir instructs everyone to mark on their own maps to mark the route everyone has traveled, and then tell everyone the camp number that Jeremy called to notify.McCann arrives last, and as he walks in, he hears a tense conversation between Emil, Jeremy, and a young man he doesn't recognize. Amir quickly got McCann into the situation and introduced him to Virgil.Thomas.Virgil is a city boy living in California who spends his summers camping with a group of buddies.He and a few friends had passed out after partying late, and he was the only one awake to see a green army truck heading for the exit, in the direction of Josephtown.

About when?McCann asked. I told him, said Virgil, pointing to Jeremy with his thumb.It was before noon, but I don't know how long before noon.I'm a little hungover, and since we've been here we haven't been paying much attention to the time. McCann pushed Miss's picture to the young man's eyes and asked hurriedly: Do you think you saw her? When the other guy first showed me the photo, it looked strange.Virgil replied, looking at the photo again. But then he said she was wearing a bright red dress, and I remembered that the little girl in the green truck was wearing red, and she was either laughing or yelling, and I couldn't quite tell.Then it looked like the guy slapped her or pushed her down, but I think he was probably just playing with her too. McCann was paralyzed with fright.This news was like a bolt from the blue to him, but unfortunately it was the only reasonable thing they heard, enough to explain why they couldn't find Missi.But he couldn't believe it was true.He turned and ran towards the office, but was stopped by Amir's voice. McCann, don't run!We've radioed the office and contacted the Sheriff of Josephtown.They sent people here immediately, and they are also distributing a national circular to intercept suspicious trucks. As soon as he finished speaking, two patrol cars drove into the camping area.The first went straight to the office, the other turned into the area where they were standing and waiting.McCann waved to the policeman, and he hurried to meet the policeman as soon as he got out of the car.A man who appeared to be in his late thirties introduced himself as Constable Dorton and immediately began taking their statements. In the next few hours, a large number of areas where Miss Miss was known to be missing climbed up, and the scope of the nationwide notice was as far as Portland City in the west, Boyce City, Idaho in the east, and Spoon City, Washington State in the north. Kan City.Joseph Township police set up a barricade on the Innaha Highway, which leads from Joseph Town to deeper into the Hell Valley National Scenic Area.Although that was just one of the many possible directions the person who stole the child could have gone, if he took Miss on the Innaha Highway, the police expected to be able to get some relevant information from the people coming out of the scenic area.They have limited resources but have contacted the area's national park rangers to remain vigilant. The Philip family camp has been isolated as a crime scene and everyone in the vicinity has been questioned.Virgil provided as many details as possible about the truck and its owner, and the results were quickly sent to all relevant units. FBI offices in Portland, Seattle, and Denver were also notified.Cortana has received a call and is on her way, driven by her best friend Marianne.Even police dogs joined the search, but Missy's trail only reached a nearby parking lot, raising the possibility that Virgil's account was accurate. After forensic experts had scoured his camp, Officer Dorton asked McCann to re-enter the area to double-check for items that were misplaced or in a different location than he remembered.Though exhausted by the day's emotions, McCann wished he could do anything to help the police, and was deliberately concentrating on trying to recall the events of that morning.He was careful not to disturb the scene, and retraced his steps.This is his chance to start over, to start the day anew.It doesn't matter if you burn your fingers and spill the pancake batter again, as long as you can turn back time. He went back to do the assigned task again, but everything seemed to match the scene in his memory without any change.He came to the table where Miss was busy coloring.The coloring book turned to the page she was coloring, and there was a half-drawn image of the Indian princess of Multnomah.The crayons are still there, but Missy's favorite red is missing.He started poking around the ground to see where he might have fallen. If you're looking for a red crayon, we've found it over there, by the tree.Dorton said, pointing to the parking lot with one hand.She might have fallen there, his voice trailing off as he struggled. How do you know she's struggling?McCann asked eagerly. The officer hesitated a little, but said it with some reluctance: We found one of her shoes around there, in the bushes, and she probably kicked it off.You were not there, so we asked your son to identify him. The scene of the daughter fighting the perverted beast is like a punch in the stomach of McCann.Almost succumbing to the momentary darkness that would have suffocated him, he leaned against the table so as not to faint or vomit.Just then he saw a ladybug pinned to the coloring book.He was instantly alert, as if someone had opened first aid smelling salts up his nose. Whose is that?he asked Dorton, pointing to a pin. What is whose? That ladybug pin!Who put that there? We thought it was Missy's.Are you saying the pin wasn't there this morning? I'm pretty sure, McCann firmly alleges.She doesn't have that kind of thing.I'm absolutely sure that thing wasn't there this morning! Dorton had already spoken to the radio, and within a few minutes, the forensic personnel returned and took the pin back for safekeeping.Dorton took McCann aside and explained: If what you say is true, we have to assume that the thugs who attacked Missy stayed here on purpose.He paused before continuing: Mr. Phillips, this may be good news, or it may be bad news. I don't understand.McCann responded. The officer hesitated again, trying to decide whether to tell McCann what he thought.He searched his mind for the right words.Well the good news is that we might be able to get some evidence out of it.This is the only physical evidence related to him that we have found at the scene so far. What about the bad news?McCann waited with bated breath. Ugh, bad news I'm not saying that's necessarily the case, but people who leave stuff like this usually have a purpose and usually indicate they've done it before. What's the meaning?McCann interrupted.Are you saying this guy is a serial killer?Is this some kind of mark he left to show his identity, like marking the territory or something? McCann was furious, and it was clear from the look on Dorton's face that he didn't think he should even mention it at the moment.But before McCann could explode, Dorton received a call from the radio on his belt, connecting him to the FBI station in Portland, Oregon.McCann, reluctant to leave, heard a woman on the radio calling herself a federal agent.She asked Dorton to describe the pin in detail.McCann followed Dorton to the work area set up by the forensics team. The pin had been properly preserved in a sealed bag, and he stood behind the team, desperately eavesdropping on Dorton's description. It was a ladybug pin that went through several pages of a coloring book, like the kind of pins women would put on their necklines, I think. Please describe the color of the ladybug and the number of points on its body.The other party instructed by radio.let me see.Dotton said, his eyes almost glued to the plastic envelope. The head is black, it's the head of a er ladybug.The body is red with black edges and blocks.Looking down from above, if the head is above, there are two black spots on the left side of the body.So you understand? great.Please continue.The voice spoke patiently. There are three dots to the right of the ladybug, so a total of five. The other party paused.Are you sure there are five dots? OK, there are five dots on it.He looked up to see McCann, who had moved to the other side to get a better view.He met McCann's eyes and shrugged his shoulders, as if to mean: Who cares how many points it is! all right, so, officer dani It's Dorton, Tommy.Dorton.He looked up at McCann again, rolling his eyes. Sorry, Officer Dorton.Could you please turn to the back of the pin and tell me what's on or under the ladybug. Dorton turned the plastic envelope over and looked at it carefully.There's something engraved on the bottom, sorry, Agent, I didn't catch your last name. I'm Vykowski, written just as you hear it.Are there letters or numbers engraved on it? Oh, let me take a look.Yes, I think you're right, it looks like a certain model.Well, CK one︱four︱six, by the way, I think it’s C, K, one, four, six, that’s right.Not easily identifiable from the bag. There was silence on the other end of the microphone.McCann whispered to Dorton: Ask her why she asked, and what does that mean.Dorton hesitated at first, but then complied.This time the other party was silent for a longer time. Vikowski, are you still there? Well, I'm still here.Suddenly, her voice sounded tired and hollow.Hello, Dotton, do you have a place where I can speak privately? McCann nodded exaggeratedly, and Dorton understood what he meant.Wait a moment.He put down the plastic envelope containing the pins and walked outside the work area, with McCann following.Anyway, Dorton had let him overstep the line. OK, I can speak now.So what's up with this ladybug?Dorton asked. We've been trying to get this guy for almost four years, and he's been moving west, and we've tracked him across nine states.His nickname is Babygirl Killer, but we haven't shared the details of Ladybug with the media or anyone, so please keep your head down as well.We believe he has kidnapped and killed at least four children so far, all girls, all under the age of ten.Each time he adds a little to the ladybug, so this is the fifth.He must have left the same pins somewhere at the kidnapping scene, all the same model, like he bought a whole box, but unfortunately we still can't trace the source of the pins.We have not yet found the bodies of any of the four little girls, and although the forensic investigators have found nothing, we have every reason to believe that they were all killed.Each time the kidnappings occurred in or near the campsites, they were also adjacent to state parks or reservations.The culprit appeared to be a professional woodcutter or mountaineer, and in each case he left no trace at all but pins. What about the car?We have a very good description of the green truck he was driving when he left. Yes, you might find that car too.If this was the man we were looking for, he would have stolen the car a day or two ago, repainted, filled with outdoor gear, and wiped clean of fingerprints. Listening to the conversation between Dorton and Agent Vykowski, McCann felt that even the last hope was gradually lost.He slumped to the ground and buried his face in his hands.Has anyone ever been as tired as he is right now?For the first time since Miss disappeared, he allowed himself to think about the possibility of something horrible happening.And once it started, he couldn't extricate himself, and his imagination of good and evil were all mixed into a silent and terrifying procession.Even if you want to shake off these imaginations, you can't do anything.Some were horrific images that flashed by: abuse and pain; beasts and demons with barbed fingers and sharp nails in the dark depths; Missy screaming for her father and getting no answer.And mixed in with these horrific images are flashes of other memories: toddlers with sippy cups they call Little Missy; two-year-olds excited about eating too much chocolate cake ; There is also the picture of falling asleep peacefully in Dad's arms not long ago.All kinds of unresolved images.What was he going to say at her funeral?How did he explain to Xiaona?How could such a thing happen?God, how could such a thing happen? A few hours later, McCann and the two children drove to the hotel in Joseph Township, which had become the base of the expanded search.The hotel owner kindly offered them a free night, and when he moved a few things into the room, exhaustion began to wear him down.He gratefully accepted Officer Dorton's offer to take the kids to a local restaurant for a bite to eat.Now McCann sat on the edge of the bed, rocking his body slowly back and forth, helplessly allowing the relentless sweep of growing despair.The weeping and wailing that tore the soul climbed out from the bottom of his heart, and it was in this situation that Cortana found him.Two heartbroken lovers embrace and cry, as McCann pours out his grief while Cortana tries to keep him from breaking down. McCann's sleep was fitful that night, as images kept pounding him like relentless waves lapping on a rocky shore.Finally, just before the sun began to hint at an imminent rise, he gave up.He hardly noticed that it was dawn.In one day, he'd drained a year's worth of emotion, and now he felt numb, adrift in a world that suddenly didn't make sense, feeling as though the world would forever be gray. Under Xiaona's solemn suggestion, they all agreed that she had better take Josh and Kate home first.McCann will stay to assist as much as possible, and will be there in case of need.He simply couldn't leave at this time, because Missy might still be somewhere and needed him.Word spread quickly, and friends arrived to help him pack up the camp and transport everything back to Portland.His boss called, offering all the support he could, and encouraging McCann to stay there as long as he needed to.Everyone they know is praying. Reporters and accompanying photographers began to appear in the morning.McCann didn't want to face them or the camera, but after some instruction, he also took a moment to answer their questions in the parking lot, knowing that such exposure could go a long way toward helping Ms. He kept quiet about Dorton's overreach, and Dorton included him in intelligence circles in return.Willing to do anything, Jesse and Sarah often find time to greet family and friends who come to help.They relieve McCann and Cortana of the burden of communicating with the public, and they seem to be adept at injecting some calm thoughts into the two at any time during the emotional turmoil. Emil's parents drove all the way from Denver to help Vicki and the children get home safely.With the supervisor's blessing, Amir decided to stay and help the National Park Service, assisting McCann to obtain the latest news from the service.Cortana, who quickly developed a rapport with Sarah and Vicky, has also shifted her focus to help care for Jay before getting her kids ready for the road back to Portland.When she broke down and cried (as she often did), Vicky or Sarah was always there to cry and pray with her. When it became clear that their assistance was no longer needed, the Madisons finished their camp and came to say a tearful goodbye before heading north.Jesse gave McCann a long hug and whispered that we would see each other again and that he would pray for them all.The teary-eyed Sarah just kissed McCann on the forehead before hugging Cortana, who couldn't help sobbing again.Sarah sang, and McCann couldn't hear the words clearly, but the singing comforted Xiaona, allowing her to calmly let Sarah go.When the two of them finally left, McCann couldn't even bear to watch their backs. As the Doucetes prepare to leave, McCann takes a moment to thank Amber and Amy for their helping hands and comforting his son, especially when he is at a loss for what to do.Jia Xu cried goodbye, he was no longer brave, at least not today.Kate, on the other hand, was hardened, busy making sure everyone had someone else's address and e-mail.Vicky's world was shaken by the event, so overwhelmed by her own grief that they almost had to tug to separate her from Xiaona.Xiaona hugged her, stroked her hair, and prayed softly in her ear until she gradually stabilized and could walk to the waiting car. At noon, everyone set off on the road.Marian took Xiaona and the two children home, and the family members were waiting to take care of and comfort them.McCann and Emil join Officer Dorton, whom they now simply call Tommy.The three of them got into Tommy's patrol car, went to Joseph Town, bought sandwiches casually in the town, but almost didn't eat a bite, and drove to the police station again.Tommy was himself a father of two young children, the oldest just five, so it was easy to see that this case was particularly on his nerves.He tried to show kindness and respect to the two new friends, especially to McCann. The hardest part comes the waiting.McCann felt as if he was moving slowly in the eye of a storm surrounded by a ring of incoming actions.Screened reports poured in from all over, and even Amir was busy connecting with people he knew and experts. The accompanying FBI agents departed from the branch offices in three cities and arrived around three o'clock.From the outset it was clear that the man in charge of the case was Agent Vykowski, a small, slender woman full of enthusiasm and action.McCann took an immediate liking to her, and she publicly reciprocated his kindness, and from that moment on, no one questioned his presence, not even in the most confidential conversations or intelligence. After setting up a command center at the hotel, the FBI entourage invited McCann in for a formal interview, which they insisted was routine in such situations.Agent Vykowski got up from behind his desk and held out a hand, and when McCann reached out to shake hers, she squeezed his hand with both hers, smiling wretchedly. Mr. Phillips, I'm sorry I haven't been able to give you much time so far.We are frantically busy setting up communication channels with all law enforcement officers and other relevant units, trying to get Missy back safely.It is a pity that we have to meet under these circumstances. McCann believed her statement and said to her: McCann. sorry what did you say My name is McCann, please call me McCann. OK, McCann.Then please call me Sam too.My real name is Samantha, but I was kind of a boy upbringing, so if other kids called me Samantha to my face, I would beat them up. McCann couldn't help laughing, and relaxed a little in his chair, watching her quickly sort through several folders full of reports.McCann, can you answer a few questions?she asked with her head down. I do my best.He replied, grateful for his usefulness. good!I'm not going to ask you to go into details.I have a full report on everything you told the others, but there are a few important things I want to confirm with you.She looked up and looked into his eyes. Anything I can help, McCann admits, I feel pretty useless right now. McCann, I know how you feel, but your presence is important.And believe me, everyone here cares about your honey.We will do everything in our power to bring her back safely. Thanks.That's all McCann can say.He stared down at the floor, all kinds of emotions seemed to come out, and even a little kindness seemed to break his bank. Well, now I've had an off-the-record chat with your friend Officer Tommy, and he's told me everything you've ever told him, so you don't have to feel like you're supposed to help him cover up.He's okay on my record. McCann looked up, nodded, and smiled at her again. So, she continued, have you noticed any suspicious characters around your family over the past few days? Startled, McCann leaned back in his chair.You mean he's been following us? No, he seemed to pick his victims at random, but they were all about the same age as Lingmei, and had similar hair color.We think he found them a day or two ago, and waited for the right time to observe them.Have you seen anyone unusual or out of place near the lake?Maybe near the bathroom?Thinking of his own child being targeted and targeted, McCann backed away in surprise.He tried to get rid of his imagination and try to remember, but his mind went blank.sorry i don't remember Did you stop on the way to the camping area?Or did you notice any suspicious characters while hiking or sightseeing in this area? We stopped at Multnomah Falls on our way here, and we've traveled the area over the past three days, but I don't recall seeing anyone who looked suspicious.Who would have thought? That's right, McCann, so don't be too hard on yourself.Some things may be remembered slowly later.No matter how small or irrelevant things may seem, please let us know.She paused, looking at another report on the table.What about the green army truck?Have you guys noticed anything similar here? McCann tried to remember.I don't really remember ever seeing anything like that. Agent Vykowski continued to question McCann for another fifteen minutes, but was unable to get him to open his memory and provide useful information.Finally she closed the notebook and stood up, held out her hand, and said, "McKen, I want to reiterate how sorry I am about what happened to Miss.I will personally be sure to let you know as soon as there is any progress. At five o'clock in the afternoon, the first promising report finally arrived, from Innaha's barricade.Agent Vykowski kept his word, and immediately found McCann and told him the details.Two couples have seen what appears to be a military green truck that fits the profile of the vehicle everyone is looking for.They have been exploring some ancient Nez Perce sites along the 4260 National Forest Road in the more remote areas of the National Conservation Area. South of the 250th junction, the car will pass.The road was basically a one-lane road, so they had to reverse to a safe place to let the truck pass.They noticed several gas canisters in the back of the truck, plus a sizable amount of camping gear.The strange thing is that the man bent over the passenger seat, as if looking for something on the floor, and lowered the brim of his hat, and wore a big coat on a hot day, as if he was afraid of them.They just laughed it off as a weirdo in the army. Tensions rose at the command post when the report was announced to the case team.Tommy comes to let McCann know that everything he knows so far is unfortunately consistent with the Girl Killer's modus operandi heading towards a remote area that can finally be left on foot.Apparently the suspect knew where he was going, because he was seen on a deserted road. Unfortunately, he didn't expect that other people were also in such a remote place. As evening fell quickly, the case handling team began to actively discuss the effect of going to investigate immediately or waiting for dawn before acting. Whatever their point of view, everyone who spoke seemed deeply affected by the whole situation.In the minds of most people, it is simply impossible to sit back and watch the pain of innocent people, especially children.Even people serving sentences in severe prisons are the first to get angry at those who cause children pain.Even in a world of moral relativism, harming children is still seen as absolutely wrong .Nothing to discuss! Standing at the back of the room, McCann listened impatiently to the time-wasting arguments.He was almost ready to kidnap Tommy if he had to go after the suspect himself.The feeling at this time is urgent. Although McCann thought it was very long, the people from all departments quickly agreed without objection, and once they had arranged a few things, they immediately started to investigate.While there aren't many routes out of the area, and roadblocks were immediately erected just in case, it's important to note that experienced hikers could head east into the Idaho wilderness, or Head north into Washington State.When everyone contacted officials in towns such as Lewiston, Idaho, and Clarkston, Washington, and informed them of the situation, McCann quickly called Cortana to update her on the situation, and then left with Tommy. Now he only has one prayer left: Dear God, please, must take care of my Miss.There is nothing I can do now.Tears streamed down his cheeks and dripped onto his shirt. At 7:30 in the evening, the escort patrol convoy, the FBI's SUV, the truck carrying the police dogs, and the National Park Ranger's convoy drove to the Innaha Highway.Instead of going east on the Wallowa Mountain Road and directly into the National Reserve, they took the Innaha Highway and continued north.They finally came to Lower Innaha Road, and finally took Daba Road into the reserved area. McCann is grateful to be traveling with someone who knows the area well.Sometimes Dabalu seems to appear in all directions at the same time, as if the people who named these roads just couldn't figure out the names of the roads, or were just tired or drunk, and started calling each road Dabalu, so that they could recall Home, no need to rack your brains to think of road names. These roads often have narrow zig-zagging sections bordered by sheer, drop-off cliffs that become steeper in the dark of night.The progress was slow as a crawl, and they finally passed the place where they saw the green truck for the last time. After walking another mile, they came to Guolin Road 4260 heading north-northeast, and Guolin Road 250 heading southeast. intersection.Here, they divided the convoy into two according to the plan. Agent Vykowski and a small team went north on 4260, while the others, including McCann, Amir and Tommy, went 250 to southeast. .After a few difficult miles, the group was divided into two again: Tommy and the police dog car continued to walk along 250, which according to the map would reach the end; the others took the easterly 4240. The road traverses the park towards the Temprans Creek area. Thus far, all search operations have proceeded more slowly.The searchers marched on foot, backed up by powerful searchlights, and scoured the roads for signs of the nearest movement, any sign that there were clues to follow in the area they were searching. About two hours later, on the way to the end of the 250 road at a slow speed, Tommy received a radio communication from Vykowski.Her group has taken a break for now.About ten miles from the intersection where they parted, an old unnamed road branched off from 4260 and went straight north for about two miles.It was out of sight and the road was almost covered in grass. They almost missed it or ignored it entirely, but a searcher scanned a wheel cover with a searchlight less than fifty feet from the main road.Out of curiosity, he went to pick up the rim cap, and after removing the dirt and dust on the rim cap, the hairpin was covered with spots of green paint.那輪圈蓋可能是卡車行經散布在該路線的多處深坑時掉落的。 湯米那一組立刻掉頭回原來的路上。麥肯不想讓自己再次燃起希望，以為或許會有奇蹟發生，蜜思可能還活著，尤其是他所知的一切都告訴他不可能。二十分鐘後又接到維考斯基的無線電，這次是告訴他們已經找到卡車。直升機與偵察機從空中絕對看不到，因為它藏在一個用樹枝和樹葉仔細搭建的棚子底下。 麥肯這一組花了將近三小時才與第一組會合，那時搜查工作已告一段落。警犬已經完成其餘的工作，找到一條小徑，往下走一英里多會抵達一個隱密的小山谷。在那裡，他們發現一幢破敗的小屋，就靠近前方不到半英里處一座清澈的湖邊，湖水的源頭是一百碼外的瀑布溪流。一百多年前，此處可能是拓荒者的家，有兩個大小合宜的房間，足以安置一個小家庭。從那時候起，這裡可能就是獵人或偷獵者偶爾會使用的小屋。 麥肯和朋友們抵達時，天空已開始露出破曉前的微光。為了保留犯罪現場，他們在離破爛小屋一段距離外架設了一個基地營帳。維考斯基小組一發現此地，便派警犬往不同方向去設法搜尋氣味。偶爾出現的吠叫聲顯示牠們有所發現，但線索又再度消逝。如今他們全都返回基地重新編組，計畫白天的策略。 麥肯走過來時，維考斯基探員正坐在一張輕便小桌旁標記著地圖、拿著一大瓶滴著水的水瓶喝水。她給他一個慘澹的笑容，他沒有回禮，她又給他一瓶水，他接了過去。她的眼神悲傷而溫柔，但說話卻是就事論事。 嘿，麥肯。She hesitated.怎麼不拉一把椅子過來？ 麥肯不想坐下。他要做一些事讓胃不再翻攪。他意識到麻煩來了，便站著等她繼續說完。 麥肯，我們找到東西了，但不是好消息。 他在腦中搜尋恰當的字眼。你們找到蜜思了嗎？他不想聽到這個問題的答案，卻又迫切需要知道。 沒有，我們沒有找到她。維考斯基停頓了一下，然後起身。但是我需要你來指認我們在這座老舊小屋裡找到的東西。我需要知道那是不是她生前她發現自己說溜了嘴，但為時已晚，我是說，那是不是她的。 他盯著地上，再度感覺自己像一百萬歲那麼老，但願自己可以變成一塊沒有感覺的大石頭。 喔，麥肯，對不起，維考斯基向他道歉，同時站了起來。這樣吧，我們可以等一下再去指認。我只是以為 他無法抬起頭看她，甚至連保持不崩潰地說點話都有困難。他感覺情緒的水壩將再度決堤。現在就去看，他細聲含糊地說。應該知道的事，我都要知道。 維考斯基一定對其他人做了手勢，因為雖然麥肯什麼也沒聽見，但在轉身跟著探員走上通往小屋的那條短短小徑時，突然感覺艾米爾和湯米一人扶著他的一隻手臂。三個大男人勾著臂膀，用一種特殊的團結姿態一起行走，走向他們各自最恐怖的夢魘。 鑑識小組的一員打開小屋門讓他們進去。由發電機供電的燈光照亮客廳的每個角落： 靠牆排著的架子、一張舊桌子、幾把椅子，還有一張某人費力搬進來的舊沙發。麥肯馬上看到自己要來指認的物品，隨即一轉身，癱倒在兩個朋友的臂膀裡，無法抑制地哭了起來。壁爐旁的地板上，是蜜思被撕破且血跡斑斑的紅色洋裝。 對麥肯而言，接下來的幾天和幾星期變成一團情緒麻木、模模糊糊的影像，都是執法機關及媒體的訪問。隨即是蜜思的追思儀式，有空蕩蕩的小棺材和無數張臉孔，他們列隊經過時都悲傷不已，沒有人知道該說什麼。接下來的幾星期中，麥肯開始緩慢而痛苦地回歸日常生活。 警方似乎已經認定，這名女娃殺手已經對他的第五名受害人梅莉莎．install.菲利浦下手。如同其他四樁案例，當局始終無法尋獲蜜思的屍體，即使各搜索小組在發現小屋後，已經地毯式搜索過附近的森林也毫無斬獲。正如每一樁前例，殺手沒有留下指紋，也沒有DNA，沒有在任何地方留下有用的證據，只有別針。彷彿兇手是個鬼魅。 過程中，麥肯也試圖從痛苦與悲慟中振作起來，至少對家人應該如此。他們已經失去了妹妹和女兒，不應該再失去爸爸和丈夫。雖然與這樁悲劇相關的人，沒有人能倖免於難，但凱特似乎特別嚴重，整個人彷彿躲進一個殼裡，就像烏龜保護牠柔軟的腹部，不讓任何潛在的危險觸碰。她似乎只有在覺得絕對安全時，才願意探出頭來，但這種時候也愈來愈罕見了。麥肯和小娜都愈來愈擔心她，卻好像找不到恰當的字眼，攻破她在心中築起的堡壘。試圖與她對話的嘗試都會變成單向的獨白，聲音從她僵硬的面容上反彈回來。彷彿她心中有什麼已經死了，正開始由內慢慢將她腐蝕，偶爾才以尖酸的言語或冷漠的沉默流瀉出來。 賈許的進展則好得多，一部分是多虧他與安帛繼續維持的遠距離關係。電子郵件及電話給他抒發痛苦的出口，而她也給他哀慟的時間與空間。同時他也正要從高中畢業，高三那一年有很多事能讓他分散注意力。 巨慟已然降臨，在不同程度上籠罩著接觸過蜜思的每一個人的生活。麥肯和小娜算是合力度過了失去女兒的風暴，在某些方面也因而變得更親密。小娜從一開始就一再清楚地表示，她不會為這件事責怪麥肯。可想而知，麥肯讓自己擺脫這件事花的時間比小娜要久，即使只是擺脫一點點。 陷入要是的遊戲中太容易了，一旦開始很快就會滑進絕望的溜滑梯。要是他沒決定帶孩子去玩這一趟；要是他在他們吵著要划獨木舟時拒絕；要是他在前一天就離開，要是，要是，要是。然後一切終歸烏有。無法埋葬蜜思的事實又擴大了他為人父的失敗，她仍獨自在森林某處的念頭每天糾纏著他。如今，三年半過去了，蜜思已正式被推斷為遇害。生活絕不可能再回歸正常，其實也從來沒有真的正常過。少了蜜思竟是如此空虛。 這場悲劇也加深了麥肯與上帝關係的裂痕，但他刻意忽略這種日益分離的感覺，反而試圖擁抱一種刻苦自律、心如止水的信仰。即使麥肯在冷感中找到一些慰藉與平靜，但他的雙腳困於泥淖、無聲的叫喊也無法拯救愛女的夢魘卻沒有停止。即使作惡夢的頻率愈來愈少，歡笑及喜樂的時光漸漸回復，卻令他深感罪惡。 所以當麥肯收到老爹的紙條，叫他回到小屋與他會面時，此事當然非同小可。上帝會寫紙條嗎？又為什麼要選小屋那是他至痛的象徵啊？上帝要與他見面，不愁沒有更好的地方。他心裡甚至出現一抹陰暗的想法，可能是殺手在嘲弄他，或想引誘他離開、讓他家人脫離保護。或許這一切都只是個殘酷的玩笑。但為什麼要署名老爹？ 麥肯想盡了辦法，仍無法擺脫那紙條極有可能是上帝寫來的想法，即使上帝會傳來紙條的念頭根本不符合他所受過的神學訓練。在神學院中，他學到的是上帝已經完全不再與現代人公然溝通，而寧願大家只要傾聽並遵行《聖經》但當然要按著適當的詮釋。上帝的聲音已簡化為紙本，即使紙本也必須由正派的權威人士與知識分子來主講與解釋。與上帝直接溝通似乎只會發生在古人和未開化的人身上，受過教育的西方人只能透過知識分子的居中傳達與控制，才能觸及上帝。但沒有人會想把上帝侷限在盒子裡，只在那一本書裡，特別是鑲金邊的昂貴皮革精裝本。難道那鑲的是罪？（譯註：鑲金（gilt）音同罪（guilt）。） 麥肯愈想愈困惑，也變得愈惱怒。是誰寄給他那張鬼紙條的？是否是上帝或殺手或哪個惡作劇的人，又有什麼關係？無論他如何看待這件事，感覺都像是被人捉弄了。不管怎樣，信上帝有什麼好處？看看他現在變成什麼德性？ 儘管麥肯心懷憤怒與沮喪，他仍知道自己需要答案。他發現自己被困住了，星期日的禱告和詩歌再也無法使他掙脫其實他也從未掙脫過。他認識的人當中，似乎沒有人的人生因這種離世的靈性活動而改變，或許只有小娜例外吧。但是她不一樣。或許上帝真的愛她。她不像他是個成事不足、敗事有餘的人。他厭倦了上帝和上帝的宗教，厭倦了所有小型的宗教社交團體，那些團體似乎並沒有什麼不同，也沒有造成任何實質上的改變。沒錯，麥肯要的不只如此，而他也即將獲得超乎自己預料的結果。