Chapter 6 guess who's coming to dinner

We have a habit of dismissing potentially extenuating testimony.That is, we are so confident in the validity of our judgments that any evidence that does not reinforce our beliefs is judged to be of no value.In such a way it is absolutely impossible to obtain anything that can be called truth. Marilyn.Robinson (Annotation: Marilynne Robinson (1947︱), known as one of the best contemporary American writers, represented as "The Steward".), "The Death of Adam" Sometimes people choose to believe things that are often seen as utterly irrational.That doesn't mean it's irrational, but it certainly isn't rational either.Perhaps there is hyperrationality in this world: rationality that goes beyond facts or logic under common definitions; rationality that makes sense only when it can see a wider picture of reality.Perhaps that is the space of faith.

There are many things McCann is not sure about, but in the days since his fall on the icy driveway, his emotions and reason have become increasingly convinced that there are only three plausible explanations for the note: It could have been written by God. Yes, as absurd as it sounds; it could have been a cruel joke; or Miss's killer had something more sinister in mind.Whatever the truth, that note dominated his every second of thought during his waking hours, and it also dominated his dreams at night. Secretly, he began planning the drive to the cabin next weekend.At first he never mentioned this matter, even Xiaona didn't know about it.If it were revealed, he would have no reasonable defense of what the consequences of his actions would be, fearing he would be locked up and the keys lost.Anyway, he rationalized to himself that this kind of conversation would only lead to more pain without any resolution.I didn't say it for Xiaona's own good.he told himself.In addition, acknowledging the existence of that note meant that he admitted that he had something to hide from her, and he still felt that there was nothing wrong with hiding it.Sometimes, honesty can also lead to unmanageable consequences.

Convinced that his upcoming trip was the right decision, McCann began thinking of ways to get his family out of the house for the weekend without suspicion.After all, there was still the possibility that the killer might try to lure him out of town, leaving his family unprotected, and he wouldn't allow that to happen.But there was nothing he could do.Cortana knew him so well that no matter what he did, it would only raise questions he wasn't ready to answer. Fortunately Cortana came up with a solution herself.She had originally wanted to visit her sister's home in Washington State's San Juan Islands, but she hadn't really thought about it.Her brother-in-law is a child psychologist, and Cortana thinks it might be helpful to hear his insights into Kate's increasingly antisocial behavior, especially as she and McCann are left with nothing they can do about Kate.When she mentioned the trip, McCann almost said yes.

Of course you are going!This was the response Xiaona heard when she told him, but it was not the answer she expected, so she threw a questioning look.I mean, he explained hastily, I think it's a great idea.I will definitely miss you all, but I think I can last a few days by myself, and I have a lot to do anyway.She shrugged, perhaps thankful that the way to leave opened so easily. I just thought it might be okay for Kate, especially if I could be away for a few days.She added, and he nodded in agreement. After calling Xiaona's sister soon, the trip was arranged like this.Soon the room became lively.Josh and Kate are both happy to get an extra week of spring break.They love visiting their cousins, so they say yes right away, not because they really have no other choice.

McCann quietly called Willie and asked if he could borrow his four-wheel-drive Jeep, while trying not to give away too much information too cleverly.Because Xiaona wants to drive an SUV, he needs a better means of transportation than his own car, so that he can drive on the pitted roads in the reserved area, and the place is likely to be buried under the cold winter .It is conceivable that McCann's weird request triggered Willy's barrage of questions, and McCann answered as evasively as possible.When Willie bluntly asked McCann whether his purpose was to return to the hut, McCann still said that he couldn't answer right now, and he would naturally explain it to Willy when he came to change the car in the morning.

After seeing off Cortana, Kate and Josh with hugs and kisses late Thursday afternoon, McCann began slowly preparing himself for the long drive to his nightmare land in northeast Oregon.He reasoned that if this was an invitation from God, he wouldn't need much, but just in case, he packed a lot more than he needed in the freezer, plus a sleeping bag, some Candles, matches, and several other survival equipment.Of course, it could also turn out that he's an out-and-out idiot, or the butt of some nasty joke, in which case he'd have no problem driving away.A knock on the door jolted McCann out of his concentration, and he could see Willie at the door.Their previous conversation must have been puzzling enough to warrant an early Willie visit.McCann only felt that Xiaona had already left the house.Willie, I'm here, in the kitchen.McCann yelled.

After a while, Willie poked his head out from the corner of the corridor and couldn't help shaking his head when he saw the mess McCann had made.He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.Well, I brought the jeep and filled it up, but I won't hand over the keys until you tell me what's going on. McCann continued to pack things into several bags ready for the road.He knows lying to his friends doesn't work, and he needs the jeep.Willie, I'm going back to that cabin. Well, I also guessed that it was seventy to eighty percent.What I want to know is why are you even going back there, especially at this time?I don't even know if that old jeep can take us up there.But just in case, I've put chains on the back of the car for emergencies.

McCann went to the office without looking at him, pried off the lid of the little tin box, took out the note, and went to the kitchen to show it to Willie.Willie opened the note and looked at it silently.God, what psychopath wrote this to you?And who is this father? You know Xiaona loves to be called Papa God the most.McCann shrugged, not knowing what else to say.He took the note back and stuffed it into his shirt pocket. Wait a minute, you don't think that was really written by God, do you? McCann stopped and turned to face him, since he was almost done packing anyway.Willie, I don't know what to make of this.I mean, at first I thought it was just a prank and it made me mad and sick to my stomach.Maybe I'm going crazy.I know it sounds like shit, but I just felt somehow drawn to it and had to figure it out.Willie, I'm going, or it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.

Did it ever occur to you that this could be the murderer?What if he has ulterior motives to lure you back? Of course I did.Even if it were, I wouldn't be too disappointed.I still have a score to settle with him.He paused after speaking grimly.But that doesn't quite make sense either.I don't think the murderer would have signed the note with Pop's name.You have to really know our family well to think of the name. Willie looked puzzled. McCann went on: Nobody who knows us that well would ever send a note like that.I think only God will maybe! But God would not do such a thing.At least I never heard of whom he sent the note.Not that he can't, but, you know what I mean.And why does He want you to go back to that cabin?I can't think of a worse place than where the silence that hangs between the two becomes awkward.

McCann leaned back against the bar, stared at a hole in the floor, and said: I don't know, Willie.I guess part of me wanted to believe that God was still on my side, and sent a note.Even after all this time, I'm still confused.I just didn't know what to think, and things weren't going any better.I feel like we're about to lose Kate, it just breaks my heart.Maybe what happened to Missy was a result of God judging me for what I did to my father.I really do not know.He looked up at Willy's face, he was the one who cared about him the most besides Xiaona.I just know I have to go back.There was a silence between the two before Willie spoke again.So when do we hit the road?

McCann was moved by his friend's willingness to join him in his madness.Thanks dude, but I really need to do this myself. I knew you would say that.replied Willie as he turned and walked out of the kitchen.After a while, he bounced back with a pistol and a box in his hand and set it lightly on the bar.I guess I can't talk you out of it, so I figured you might need this.I trust you know how to use it. McCann looked at the gun.He knew Willie meant well and tried to help.Willie, I can't use this.I haven't touched a gun in thirty years, and I don't intend to use it now.If there's one lesson I've learned in the past, it's that solving problems with violence always leads to bigger problems. What if it was the murderer who killed Miss?What if he's there waiting for you?what should you do then He shrugged.Honestly I don't know, Willie.I guess, I'll just take a gamble. But you won't be able to fight back.Who can tell what kind of ghosts he has in his heart, or what kind of guy is hiding in his hands.You take it, McCann.Willie slid the gun and bullets over the bar to him.You don't have to use it. McCann looked down at the gun, and after some thought, he reached out and slowly picked up the gun and bullets, carefully putting them in his pocket.Well, just in case.Then he turned and picked up some gear, with both arms full, and headed out to the jeep.Willie picked up the remaining tote bag and found it heavier than expected, grunting as he lifted it. God, McCann, if you think God's going to be there, why bother with all that stuff? McCann said with a rather sad smile: I just wanted to have the basics covered.You know, planning for a rainy day can be planning for a rainy day. They went out into the driveway where the jeep was, and Willie took the keys out of his pocket and handed them to McCann. That, Willie broke the silence.What about the rest?What does Cortana think about you leaving for the cottage?I can't imagine that she would genuinely enjoy such a thing. Cortana and the two kids went to see her sister in the Northern Islands, and I didn't tell her.McCann confessed. Willie was clearly surprised.What!You never hid anything from her.I can't believe you lied to her! I didn't lie to her.McCann retorted. Sorry about that!Am I being picky?Willie snapped back.Well, you didn't lie to her, you just didn't tell the whole truth about it.Yes, she will understand anyway.He rolled his eyes. McCann ignored his outrage and walked back to his office inside the house.He found his car and the back-up keys of his house inside, and after a moment of hesitation, he picked up the small tin box, and then walked outside to find Willie. So what do you think he will look like?Willie snickered as McCann approached. who?McCann asked. God of course.What do you think he will look like?I mean if he did go out of his way to show up.Wow, I can imagine seeing some mountain climber you meet, grabbing him and asking him if he is God, asking him to give all the answers, and then the poor guy freaks out. McCann grinned at the thought.have no idea.Perhaps He was a very bright glare, or a burning bush.I always thought of him as a very burly grandfather with a long white beard, a bit like Gandalf in Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings". With a shrug, he handed Willie the key, and the two exchanged brief hugs.Willie climbed into McCann's car and rolled down the driver's window. Well, if he does show up, say hello for me.Willie said, smiling.You tell him that I have some questions of my own that I want to ask.And, McCann, don't piss him off!They both laughed.Seriously, Willie went on, man, I care about you.I hope that Xiaona, me, or someone can go with you.I hope you find everything you need there.I'll read a prayer or two for you. Thanks, Willie.I love you too.He waved Willie as he backed out of the driveway.McCann knew his friend meant what he said, and Willie would probably use all the prayers he could get his hands on. He watched Willie drive around the corner, out of sight, take the note out of his shirt pocket, read it again, and put it in the little tin box, which sat on the passenger seat among the other paraphernalia. Together.He locked the door and entered the house, and spent a sleepless night. Before dawn on Friday, McCann was out of town and on I︱84.Xiaona called back from her sister's house the night before to report her safety.He didn't expect to receive any more calls until at least Sunday.If he had not reached home by then, he should have already set foot on his way home.He transferred his home phone to his mobile phone, not to answer the phone after entering the reserved area, but just in case. He followed the route he took three and a half years ago, with a few minor changes: he didn't have to stop so many times to go to the bathroom, and he drove past Multnomah Falls without even looking.Ever since Miss Miss disappeared, he had tried to banish all thoughts about this place, keeping his emotions safe in the locked basement of his heart. On the long climb up the canyon, McCann felt a chill of panic begin to penetrate his consciousness.He kept trying to avoid thinking about what he was doing and just kept going step by step, but like grass emerging from the concrete, pent-up emotions and tears started to emerge.His vision blurred, his hands gripped the steering wheel, and he fought the idea of ​​going home at every exit.He knew that he was driving directly into the core of pain, and the vortex of Juao had already greatly reduced his sense of existence.Flashes of visual memory and heart-pounding rage are now coming in waves, accompanied by the taste of bile and blood in the mouth. He finally made it to Legrand, filled up there, and took Route 82 to Josephtown.He half wanted to stop and look at Tommy, but vetoed the idea.The less people thought he was insane the better, so he filled up his gas tank and drove out of town. The traffic was smooth and the Innaha Highway and several trails were very clear and dry for this time of year, much warmer than expected.But it seemed that the farther he traveled, the slower he drove, as if the cabin was resisting his coming.He was crawling the last few miles toward the trail to the cabin when the Jeep crossed the snow line.In addition to the creaking of the engine, he heard the tires rattle tenaciously through the deepening snow and ice.Even after making a few wrong turns and backtracking a few times, it was only shortly after noon when McCann finally pulled over and parked the car at the start of the barely visible trail. For nearly five minutes he sat where he was, berating himself for being an idiot.With every mile he's walked since leaving Josephtown, the memory is clear with adrenaline, and he's now intellectually sure he doesn't want to go any further, but he can't resist the urge inside him to keep going.Even after arguing with himself, he buttoned his coat and reached for his leather gloves. Standing and staring down at the trail, he decided to leave everything in the car and walk down about a mile to the lake.That way at least he wouldn't have to struggle to lug things up on the return trip, which he now expected to be leaving soon. It was cold enough that his breath hung in the air around him, and it might even condense into snow.The pain that continued to build up in his stomach finally brought him to the verge of panic.He stopped and vomited after taking only five steps, which made him fall to his knees. Please help me!he moaned.He stood up with trembling feet, and took another step away from the car.Then he stopped and walked back, opened the passenger door, and groped inside until he found the little tin box.He pried the lid open and found what he was looking for: it was his favorite picture of Missy, which he had put in with the note.After closing the lid, he left the box on the seat.He paused for a moment, looking at the glove box.Finally, he opened the case, picked up Willie's gun, checked to make sure it was loaded and the safety was off.He got up and closed the door, reached under his coat and tucked the gun in the belt on his lumbar back.He turned to face the path again, took one last look at Missy's picture, and stuffed it in his shirt pocket with the note.If anyone finds him dead, at least they will know who he has in mind. The trail was rough, the rocks icy and slippery, and he had to pay attention to every step as he descended into the thickening forest.It was suspiciously quiet all around.He could only hear his own crunching footsteps on the snow and his heavy breathing.McCann began to feel that someone was watching him, and at one point he turned quickly back to see if anyone was there.As much as he wanted to turn and run back to the jeep, his feet seemed to have a will of their own, determined to continue up the trail, deeper into the dimly lit and thicker woods. Suddenly, something moved nearby.He was startled, stiff, silent and alert.He heard his heart beating in his ears, and his mouth suddenly felt dry. He slowly stretched his hand behind his back, and gently pulled out the pistol from his belt.He snapped the safety off and peered carefully into the shadowy undergrowth, trying to see or hear the source of the noise and temper his adrenaline rush.But whatever was moving before, now stands still.Are you waiting for him?As a precaution, he stood still for a few minutes before continuing to take slow, tiny steps along the path, trying to be as quiet as possible. The forest seemed to surround him on all sides, and he began to seriously wonder if he had gone the wrong way.Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement again, crouched down, and peered through the low branches of a nearby tree.Something was slinking into the bushes like a shadow.Was that just his fantasy?He waited again, not moving a muscle in his body.Is that God?He disagrees.Animals perhaps?He couldn't remember if there were wolves on it, and deer and elk would make louder noises again.Then came the thought that he kept avoiding: what if it was worse?What if he really took the bait himself?But for what? He rose slowly from his hiding place, gun still in hand, and took a step forward when suddenly the bushes behind him seemed to explode.McCann turned sharply, ready to kill in fright, but before he could pull the trigger, he saw a badger's butt sprinting up the path in panic.He slowly breathed a sigh of relief, only to realize that he had been holding his breath just now.He put the gun down and shook his head.The heroic McCann became a frightened boy in the woods.He reopened the safety button and put the gun away.It might hurt someone.he thought, relieved. He took another deep breath, exhaled slowly, calmed himself, and made up his mind to tell himself that he was scared, and continued on the trail, trying to look more confident than he felt.He hoped the long journey had not been in vain.If God was really going to meet him here, he was more than ready to let some of his emotions flow, but with respect, of course. After turning a few turns, he stumbled out of the forest and came to a clearing.Down the far slope, he saw the cabin again.He stood staring, a churning churning in his stomach.On the surface, everything seems to be the same as before, except that the deciduous trees are stripped of their leaves in winter and covered with a white blanket of snow.The hut itself seemed dead and empty, but as he looked at it it seemed at once to be an evil face, twisting and defiantly back at him like some kind of demonic grimace.Ignoring the growing panic in his heart, McCann made up his mind to walk the last few hundred yards and up the steps to the porch. The memory and tragedy of standing in front of this door last time flooded in like a tide, and he hesitated several times before pushing the door open.Hello?He called out, but not loudly.He cleared his throat and called again, louder this time.Hello, is anyone there?His voice echoed in the empty room.Feeling a little more courageous, he stepped across the threshold and stopped. Just as his eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, he began to discern the details of the interior through the afternoon light filtered through the broken window.He stepped into the living room, recognized the old table and chairs, and when his eyes moved to places he couldn't bear to look at, he couldn't help but feel sad.Even after all these years, the faded blood was still visible on the wooden floor by the fire where Missy's dress was found.sorry dear.Tears started welling up in his eyes. After all, his heart still erupted like a torrent, releasing long-suppressed anger, washing down from the rugged canyon of emotion.He raised his eyes to the sky and began to scream his piercing question: Why?Why let this happen?Why did you bring me here?There are so many places to see You why here?Isn't killing my baby enough?Do you have to play tricks on me like this?In a fit of blind resentment, McCann grabbed the nearest chair and slammed it against the window, breaking it to pieces.He picked up the leg of the chair and started doing as much damage as he could.He let out desperate and furious moans and whimpers, while throwing his own anger into this rotten place.I hate you!In frenzy, he vented his anger violently until he was exhausted. In despair and feeling defeated, McCann slumped on the floor next to the blood.He touched the bloodstain lightly.This is the only thing left of his miss.When he was lying beside her, his fingers gently brushed the edge of the faded blood, and whispered softly: Miss, Dad is sorry for you!I can't protect you, I can't find you, I'm sorry for you! Even exhausted, his rage boiled, and he again directed it at the indifferent God, whom he fancied was somewhere above the roof of the cottage.God, You didn't even let us find her and buried her well.Is that asking too much? As the mixed emotions receded, pain replaced his anger, and a new wave of sadness began to blend into his confusion.So where are you?I thought you wanted to see me here.Well, here I am, God.What about you?You don't see a shadow at all!You were never there when I needed you, You were not there when I was little, You were not there when I lost Missy.Not now!What kind of father are you!He uttered evil words. McCann sat quietly where he was.The emptiness of the place ate away at his soul.His jumble of unanswered questions and pointless accusations fell with him on the floor and drained slowly into a lonely pit.The great pain surrounded him tightly, and he almost welcomed the feeling of suffocation.He knew this pain, he knew it very well, almost like a friend. McCann could feel the gun behind his back, and a seductive chill pressed against his skin.He drew his gun, not knowing what to do with himself.Oh, no more caring, no more pain, no more feeling.suicide?At this point this option is simply too attractive.It would be so much easier, he thought, no more tears, no more pain and he could almost see a black gap opening in the floor behind the gun he was looking at, the darkness sucking the last bits of his heart hope.If God exists, suicide would be a counterattack against God. The clouds outside the house had parted, and a ray of sunlight suddenly shone into the room, piercing his desperate heart.But what should Cortana do?And what about Josh, Kate, Taylor and Jon?Although he longed to stop the pain in his heart, he knew that he could not add to their pain. An emotionally drained McCann sat in a trance, weighing his options at the feel of the gun.A cold breeze brushed against his face, and part of him wanted to just lay there and freeze to death, he was so exhausted.He leaned against the wall behind him, rubbing his tired eyes.He closed his eyes and murmured at the same time: I love you, Miss.I miss you so much.Soon fell asleep effortlessly. Perhaps only a few minutes later, McCann woke up with a start.He was surprised that he fell asleep, so he got up quickly, put the gun back into the belt behind his back, and stuffed his anger back to the deepest part of his soul, and walked towards the door.This is simply absurd!What an idiot I am!To actually hope that God really cares about me and even sends me a note! He looked up at the empty rafters.I've been here, God.he said softly.I don't do that kind of stuff anymore.I'm tired of looking for you in all this mess.He said as he walked out of the house.McCann made up his mind that this was his last search for God.If God wanted him, then God had to come to him himself. He reached into his pocket, took out the note he found in the letterbox, tore it into small pieces, and let the piece of paper slowly fall from his fingers, blown away by a fresh gust of cold wind.He, a weary old man, stepped off the front porch and began walking back to the car with heavy feet and an even heavier heart. He hadn't gone fifty feet on the trail when he felt a sudden rush of warm wind from behind.The icy silence was broken by the chirping of birds, and the snow and ice on the path ahead of him disappeared as quickly as if someone had blown the road dry.McCann paused to watch the surrounding snow melt away and be replaced by new, dazzling vegetation.The three weeks of spring unfolded before his eyes in thirty seconds, and he rubbed his eyes, trying to keep his composure amidst all the bustle of activity.Even the fine snow that has just begun to fall turns into tiny flowers that float lazily to the ground. What he saw was of course impossible.The snow had disappeared from the side of the road, and summer wildflowers had begun to color the sides of the trail as far as the eye could see into the forest.Robin and the birds were chasing in the woods, and squirrels and chipmunks crossed the trail from time to time, and some even stopped to sit up straight, looked at him for a moment, and then rushed back to the bushes.He even thought he caught a glimpse of a young Indian emerging from a dark clearing in the woods, but with another look he was gone.As if that wasn't enough, the air began to be filled with floral scents, not just the faint scent of wild mountain flowers, but also the rich scents of roses, orchids, and other exotic flowers found in more tropical climates. McCann no longer wants to go home.He felt a sudden horror, as if he had opened a Pandora's box, was being swept into the center of madness, and was about to disappear forever.He wobbled and turned carefully, trying to catch some sense of sobriety. He was dumbfounded.Almost everything is very different!The ramshackle hut had been replaced by a solid, handsome log cabin, standing squarely between him and the lake.All he could see was the top of the roof, which was built from whole logs that had been stripped by hand, each piece imbued with perfect architecture. Instead of dark, sinister overgrowths, brambles, and thorny bushes, McCann sees postcard-perfect landscapes.Smoke curling lazily from the chimney into the evening sky is a sign that someone is in the house.A walkway has been built to and around the front porch, along with a small white picket fence.Laughter came from nearby, possibly from within the house, but he wasn't sure. Maybe it's like going through a total mental breakdown.I am unhinged.McCann muttered to himself.There can be no such thing.This is not true. It was a place McCann could only imagine in his sweetest dreams, which made everything more suspicious.The sight was picturesque, the aroma intoxicating, and his feet, as if conscious of themselves, led him back down the walkway and onto the front porch.Hundreds of flowers bloomed everywhere, and the scent of flowers mixed with the strong smell of vanilla plants brought back memories he had long forgotten.He often heard people say that the nose is the best channel to connect with the past, and the sense of smell is the most powerful tool to wake up the forgotten history. At this moment, his own childhood memories that have been hidden for a long time also flashed in his heart. Once on the porch, he stopped again.The voice came clearly from inside the house.McCann resisted the sudden urge to run away, as if he were a child who dropped a ball into a neighbor's garden.But it wouldn't help if God was in there, would it?He closed his eyes and shook his head to see if he could erase the illusion and return to reality.But when he opened his eyes, the hut was still in place.He tentatively reached out to touch the wooden railing, and it was indeed very real. Now he faces another dilemma.What do you do when you come to the door of a house (in this case a cabin) where God might be?should you knockGod should have known McCann had arrived, right?Perhaps he should have just walked in and introduced himself, but that seemed equally absurd.And what should he call Him?Should he call him Father, or Almighty God, or Mr. God?Wouldn't he be better off bowing down and worshiping?But he really didn't feel that way. When he was trying to establish some inner balance, the anger that had just subsided in his heart actually started to resurface.He no longer cared or cared what to call God, and, fueled by resentment, he went to the door.McCann decided to knock on the door loudly to see what would happen.But just as he raised his fist to knock on the door, the door opened by itself, and in front of him was a tall, smiling black woman. He jumped back instinctively, but too slowly.At a speed that didn't match her figure, she quickly crossed the distance between them, hugged him into her arms, and lifted his feet off the ground, turning around like a child, while at the same time Also shouted his name: McKenzie.Allen.Philip!That kind of enthusiasm is like seeing a long-lost and loved relative.Finally she put him back on the ground, put her hands on his shoulders, and pushed him back, as if to study him carefully. Look at you, McCann!Her voice literally burst out.Here you are, you've grown so big!I really look forward to seeing you in person.It's great that you're here to find us.Tut tut, I really love you!As she spoke, she hugged him tightly. McCann was dumbfounded.In a matter of seconds, the woman had nearly violated every social etiquette he had established to protect himself.Although he didn't know who she was, the way she looked at him and called his name made him equally happy to see her. Suddenly, the fragrance from her body overwhelmed him and shook him.It was a scent of gardenia and jasmine, unmistakable, from his mother's perfume bottle, which he kept in his little tin box.He was already teetering on an emotional precipice, but now the tangy scent and the accompanying memories made him almost unsteady.He felt warm tears begin to appear in his eyes, as if they were knocking on the door of his heart.She seemed to see it too. It's okay honey, you can cry out loud I know you're hurt and I know you're angry and messed up.So it's okay, cry as much as you can.It does your soul good to let a tear flow now and then. It is healing water. Although McCann couldn't stop the tears in his eyes, he wasn't ready to let the tears burst, and he couldn't cry to this woman.He was trying to keep himself from falling back into the black hole of emotion, but at the same time, the woman stood there with her arms outstretched, like his mother's arms.He felt that love was right in front of him, warm, touching, and gentle. Not ready yet?she responded.It doesn't matter, we will proceed according to your situation and time.all right, come in.can i have the coatAnd that gun?You don't really need it, do you?We don't want anyone to get hurt, do we? McCann didn't know what to do or what to say.who is she?And how does she know?He stood still, but slowly took off his coat mechanically. The tall black woman took the coat and he handed her the gun and she held it between two fingers as if it had been contaminated.Just as she turned and walked into the cabin, a petite woman who was recognizably Asian emerged from behind her. Here, let me do it.Her voice is moving.Apparently she wasn't referring to the jacket or the gun, but something else, and in an instant she was standing in front of McCann.McCann froze, feeling something lightly brushed against his cheek.He didn't move, but looked down and saw that she was busy using a fine crystal bottle and a small brush to gently wipe off the things on his face. The small brush was very similar to the utensils he had seen Xiaona and Kate use to make up. Before he could ask, she smiled softly and said, McKinsey, we all collect things that are valuable to us, don't we?The image of the small tin box flashed through his mind.I collect tears. As she backed away, McCann found himself squinting in her direction involuntarily, as if to see her better.But the strange thing is that it is still not easy for him to take a close look at her.She almost seemed to be shimmering in the light, and though there was hardly any wind, her hair was flying in all directions.It was almost easier to see her out of the corner of her eye than straight up. Then he caught a glimpse behind her of a third figure emerging from the cabin, a man this time.He looked Middle Eastern, dressed like a workman, complete with a tool belt and gloves.He stood leaning against the doorframe, arms folded, relaxed, wearing sawdust-stained jeans and a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up above the elbows.His appearance is not bad, but he is not particularly handsome, and he is not a person who will stand out in the crowd.But his eyes and smile made him radiant, and McCann found it hard to look away. McCann took another step back, feeling a little overwhelmed.Do you have anyone else?he asked hoarsely. The three looked at each other and smiled, and McCann couldn't help smiling.No more, McKinsey.The black woman chuckled.Just the three of us, and trust me, three of us is more than enough. McCann tried to look at the Asian woman one more time.依他判斷，這名外表瘦小結實的女子可能是中國北方或尼泊爾或甚至是蒙古人。因為他必須很努力看才看得到她，所以也很難說得準。從她的穿著來看，麥肯假定她是管理員或園丁。她的手套摺進皮帶裡，不是厚重的男用皮手套，而是輕型的布面及橡膠手套，麥肯在自家後院工作時也是用那種手套。她穿著邊緣有些裝飾設計的素面牛仔褲（膝蓋處因久跪而沾滿了土），以及色彩鮮豔的上衣（有紅黃藍交錯的斑點）。但他知道這一切都偏向於他對她的印象，而不是實際見到她的樣貌，因為她似乎在他的視線中淡入又淡出。 男子向前一步，伸手碰觸麥肯的肩膀，在他的雙頰上親吻，又用力抱住他。麥肯立刻知道自己喜歡他。他們分開時，男子往後退一步，亞洲女子再度移到麥肯面前，這次用雙手托住他的臉。她刻意讓自己的臉漸漸往他的臉上靠近，正當他想像她要親吻他時，她卻停下來凝望他的眼睛。麥肯以為自己快要看透她了。接著她露出微笑，她的香氣似乎包覆住他，將一股沉重的負擔從他的肩頭移除，彷彿他一直把露營裝備裝在背包裡揹著。 麥肯突然覺得自己比空氣還輕，雙腳幾乎像是不在地面上。她抱著他，卻又沒有抱著他，或者說她其實根本沒有碰到他。只有在大約幾秒鐘後她往後退時，他才發覺自己仍雙腳好好地站在門外的平台上。 喔，別管她，高大的黑人女子笑道。她在每個人身上都有這種效應。 I like.他咕噥道，三人迸發出更多笑聲，此時麥肯發現自己也跟著他們大笑，他不太清楚原因，也不太在意了。 當他們終於咯咯笑完後，個頭高大的女人用手圈住麥肯的肩膀，將他一把拉近，說：好啦！我們知道你是誰，但我們說不定應該向你自我介紹。我，她揮舞著雙手說，是管家兼廚師。你可以叫我愛璐莎。 愛璐莎？麥肯全然不解地問道。 好吧，你不用叫我愛璐莎，那只是我還滿喜歡的名字，對我有特殊的意義。那，她雙臂互抱胸前，再用一手扶著下巴，彷彿在特別用力思索，你可以跟著小娜叫我。What?你該不會是說現在麥肯大吃一驚，比之前更加困惑。這一定不是寄紙條來的那個老爹吧？我是說，你說的是老爹嗎？ 對，她微笑答道，一邊等他說話，彷彿他有話要說，但其實完全沒有。 而我，男子插嘴道，他看來三十多歲，比麥肯本人稍矮一些。我設法修復這裡的東西。我很喜歡手工，不過這兩位會告訴你，我和她們一樣也樂於烹飪和園藝。 你看起來很像中東人，是阿拉伯嗎？麥肯猜測。 其實我是過繼到那個大家庭的弟弟。我是希伯來人，正確說來，是猶大家的人。 那麥肯突然因恍然大悟而站不穩。那，你是 耶穌嗎？對，你喜歡的話可以那樣叫。畢竟，那已經變成我最普遍的名字。我母親叫我耶書亞，但大家知道我聽見約書亞甚至耶西都會回應。 麥肯目瞪口呆地站著，啞口無言。此刻他所注視聆聽的根本無從理解。這一切是那麼不可思議，但他就在這裡，還是他真的在這裡嗎？忽然間，他感到一陣暈眩。正當他迫切地企圖聽懂這種種訊息時，各種情緒也紛紛向他襲來。就在他正要癱軟跪跌在地時，亞洲女子向他靠近，轉移了他的注意力。 我是沙瑞玉，她稍微躬身、偏著頭微笑說。管理花園的人，還兼做些其他的事。 麥肯奮力想弄清楚該怎麼辦，腦中思緒不斷翻騰。這些人當中有人是上帝嗎？萬一他們是幻影或天使，或者上帝晚一點才會來呢？那可就尷尬了。既然他們有三個，或許這是三位一體也說不定。但是兩女一男，而且都不是白人？然後還有，他為什麼會自然而然假定上帝是白人呢？他知道自己的心思漫無定向，於是把焦點放在他最想得到答案的問題上。 那麼，麥肯掙扎著問，你們哪一個才是上帝？ I am.三人異口同聲說道。麥肯依序看著他們，即使他根本還無法理解自己的所見所聞，卻不知為何就相信了他們。