Chapter 5 Chapter 5 Gray Shadows

The Eurostar (International Express) we took arrived at Milan Central Station on time at 4:00 pm.In late autumn, the cities of northern Italy look dark due to the thick low clouds covering the sky. The air was unexpectedly cold, and because of the thin clothes, Yashi was next to me as soon as I got out of the station.The wind blew from the ground, ruffling her hair.Yashi shook his head from side to side as if letting the wind wash his face, shaking off his messy hair.Why is it so dark!Rubbing his cheek against my shoulder. Because of the climate, this area gives people a strong European gloomy impression.Humid air permeates the hard surfaces of historic buildings, thickening their silhouettes.Pedestrians also quickly fled into the building with their hands in their pockets.I always feel that the expressions of Milanese are as gloomy as those of Tokyo.

We hailed a taxi and drove to the hotel where we stayed in the city center.Yashi, who was still excited and chattering on the train, arrived in Milan, where his father lived, and said very little. Looking at the street scene passing by the taxi, his mouth was always pursed into a line.For my part, I was still haunted by the nightmarish weeks I had been in Florence, and my mood was as gloomy as the weather. After checking into the hotel near the cathedral, after everything was settled, it was completely dark.Yashi stared blankly out of the small window.The modern buildings are crowded as if the windows are blocked, and the street view is completely invisible.

This city is impossible to like.Yashi muttered. I stuck my head out of the window and looked up at the small night sky of Milan surrounded by tall buildings.It was pitch black and nothing could be seen.The clouds hang lower and thicker.Illuminated by the flashing neon lights on the roof of the building opposite, the color of the cloud changes every few seconds. Close the window and go back to the middle of the room.Yashi lay on his back on the bed, his limbs stretched out into a large font.He stared at the ceiling without blinking. Do you watch TV?I sat on the edge of the bed and asked. OK!Ya Shi closed his eyes after answering coldly.

I opened the suitcase and took out the contents.The clothes are hanging in the closet, her makeup bag and the book I'm reading are on the table.Put the cassette of Bach's piano music on the small radio recorder I brought, and press the button.The pianist's slender fingertips fall gracefully on the keyboard like a poet meditating and weaving words, and the melody brings a fragrant atmosphere into the room.Bud sighed. Although I came here, I don't want to see my father! Why are you still saying that now!It's better to meet up. Yashi seemed to be saying to himself: why?I replied something that didn't look like an answer: no why.Silence temporarily surrounded the two of them, only the sound of the piano fluttering quietly.

Bud's face rests on my lap.A pointed nose, big eyeballs, double eyelid on the right eye, single eyelid on the left eye, and thin lips.Looking at it again like this, I thought she was really a beauty.A bit like the Venus painted by Berticelli in the Uffizi Gallery.She usually always laughs like a child, I rarely see her expression like this.She seemed unconscious of her own beauty.I think that's fine. We met, what can I say?He's got a new family too, and I'm not an outcast.Wouldn't it be more tragic if I forced to see him, if he said he didn't want me to come? I stroked Yashi's wavy black hair.I understand her mood.Picture yourself terrified by the shock of not needing it.

Bud sighed softly.Then rubbed my cheek against my knee, and I put my arm around her waist, motionless like a rock. The rooms are unsightly.Caves of modern man-made structures.The room we lived in was not wide enough to live in for a few weeks.The sense of occlusion that I have been feeling since I came to Milan is the result of the roughness of modern architecture mixed with history. Florence does not have a single modern building.But in Milan, there is a mix of medieval buildings and modern high rises. Although it has many monuments and historical heritage, and is the source of the world's latest fashions, this city does not have the sense of unity that Florence has, nor does it feel the impression of being influenced by the most cutting-edge culture.

This feeling stems from my profession as a restorer who confronts the past.These words may be meddling to the future-looking and energetic people in the city, but I think the atmosphere of the city that rejects restoration and is full of attempts to innovate makes people feel cold. The hotel we stayed in is the most obvious example, the bed smells damp, the walls are decorated with rough lithographs that are very different from the country of art Italy, the carpet is brand new, and the worst thing is that the room is only the size of a storage room , compared with my room in Florence, it is almost like a private room in a prison.

We ordered room service for dinner, then showered and went to bed early.Yashi couldn't sleep all the time, her cold toes wrapped around my legs, wriggled in my arms for a long time, and finally calmed down. The faucet in the bathroom was loose, and in the pursuit of the sound of dripping water, I fell asleep unknowingly. In my dream, it was Aoi who hugged and slept together.She is a very self-sufficient person during the day, but she often has nightmares at night. She woke up several times at night and hugged me like a child.Ask her what's wrong?She trembled and said she had a nightmare.They said that the number of people gradually decreased, and that everyone died somehow, and that the acquaintances had changed, and they didn't know me anymore.Shunzheng died.Listen to what people say.

She cried when she recalled the dream, and she looked like a slender girl who was completely different from her expression of determination during the day.Who is there for her to hug when she has nightmares now?I envy the person who was hugged. At that time, I didn't realize that being her dependence at midnight was the happiness of being a man. The buds that clung to me brought me back to reality.Her sweet body odor lightly flutters my nose.I remembered that I was in Milan at the moment.I stroke Yashi's back.Hold her gently.Shunzheng!Ya Shi raving my name.I kiss her forehead lightly.

We were scheduled to stay in Milan for a week, but Yashi hadn't been interested in meeting her father.Either window shopping in the clothing street, or walking around to pass the time.There's no way, before she has that wish, it's inconvenient for me to urge her. I took the opportunity to visit several places I wanted to see. On the third day after arriving in Milan, I rushed to the building next to the Santa Maria Thanksgiving Monastery.Long ago, this was the dining hall of the Dominican monks.This church is famous all over the world because Da Vinci's Last Supper is stored in the small building next door.

I was at the end of the line waiting to get in.After waiting for more than thirty minutes, I was finally allowed in.After walking through the heavy and tight isolation door like a bacterial research institute or a nuclear power plant, you enter a small and neat room like a vertically elongated gymnasium.That painting hangs majestically on the wall of the building that used to be a big restaurant.I leaned over hastily. The medieval scenery is presented in front of the eyes through clever perspective drawing.I am convinced that this painting method invented during the Renaissance was made for this painting, and I can't help but admire Da Vinci's talent even more. On both sides of the painting are brackets for restoration work that has continued since World War II. Strange, very different from what you see in textbooks!Yashi, who was following closely beside him, muttered. Indeed, laymen have this impression after seeing it.Because the color of the painting faded like a dying watercolor. But for me, it's just like magic.Da Vinci used a kind of oil paint called tempera forte at that time, which was an epoch-making new technique at the time, but it was extremely unsuitable for the preservation of paintings. The painting began to peel off when Da Vinci was alive. In addition, in the 17th century, the central part of the painting was opened as a door leading to the kitchen; during the French occupation in the 1800s, the dining room was used as a storage yard for the French army; itself was bombed again.After so much time and man-made damage and erosion, the painting can now be restored to its original appearance and presented to the world, thanks to decades of restoration work.I can't help but feel proud that the simple and down-to-earth work of restorers is to protect the world's heritage. Still, such a hazy Last Supper isn't bad. I looked at Yashi, and this sentence came out unconsciously.Yashi also looked at me and smiled. Can I ask you a basic question? I smiled and said please. What is this painting showing? I asked: What did you learn in school?Ya Shi pouted, hey, how could I remember them all!Anyway, it is to describe the stiff reaction of the disciples after Jesus said that one of you betrayed me! Ah, is that Judas? Yes, it's Judas. I suddenly remembered the painting of Kosha who was divided.The teacher's students also mixed with Judas.The first thing I will do when I get back to Florence is to find the betrayer.I think of Takanashi and Angelo.Or maybe someone I don't know is pulling the tether of the conspiracy. We left after about an hour of gazing at the Last Supper.Yashi who followed me was very bored and yawned as soon as he came out. We don't have the money to buy famous brands like Japanese tourists, and we still visit art museums the next day.After lunch at the restaurant next to the hotel, we first went to the Polti Pejoli Art Museum. From Piazza Scala to Via Manzoni, there are small and neat buildings on the right.This area is an old residential area, and the art gallery itself is a remodel of a private mansion.Walking into the unique longitudinal gate of a Milan house is a quiet atrium.The air is as calm as precipitation, and the mind is so leisurely that it feels like the hustle and bustle of downtown Milan is illusory. The exhibits are all masterpieces that make people excited and inexplicable, such as the female portraits of Polaiolo who was active in Florence in the early Renaissance, the Madonna of Botticelli, and the dying Christ of Bellini. About 250 meters to the north of the Polti Pedroli Museum is the magnificent Brera Palace Museum.There are Lombard and Venetian paintings from the 15th to the 18th centuries, which can be said to be a treasure house of Renaissance art.I completely forgot about Yashi and walked ahead on my own.When I was watching Raphael's painting of the Virgin's Wedding when he was 21 years old, Yashi suddenly said that he was going to see his father, which shocked me. She steps closer to me. My dad is a shoe designer.When I was in my twenties, I helped a famous film director do costume design.My mother said he was very talented.But nothing more to say They met and fell in love in Kyoto. Not long after they dated, my mother became pregnant with me, but their love didn't last long.They all rely on English words to communicate, probably they can't convey each other's thoughts well!Kyoto is also a bit like Florence. It is a city that excludes outsiders. For my father who doesn't speak Japanese very well, life feels very lonely!My mother said he was very homesick.As a result, the two broke up without even registering their household registration. This is the first time I've heard this story.The noisy Yashi never talked about his situation.After finishing speaking, he pursed the corners of his mouth tightly and exhaled as if making up his mind.She took a piece of paper from her pocket and gave it to me.The faded pencil writing was illegible, but the address and her father's name could be seen scribbled on it. It's been several years, don't know if it's still there? Ya Shi said, facing me, the edges of his eyes flickered slightly.I don't care about other people's eyes, I hold her tightly.No matter how happy a person looks, there will always be one or two shadows in their lives.I couldn't help feeling sorry for the distorted shadow cast on Yashi, who was usually several times more optimistic than others.That too was a gray shadow overlapping with myself. We came to Manzoni Street, stopped the car and looked for the address.I wanted to use the museum's public phone to find out the phone number for this address, but it wasn't registered.The car was parked in Neibota, Milan.Behind the memorial cemetery on the west side of Garibaldi Station.The driver pointed to the area around Coriolano Square and said it was this area.We got out of the car and looked for it while walking.It was raining lightly, and without umbrellas, we walked in a hurry as if we were trying to get rid of the entangled rain.Yashi's footsteps are slow, following me even walking and running, and hesitantly lagging behind from time to time, and will not leave unless she is urged.By the time they reached their destination, the two of them were drenched. The building right at the intersection of several roads looked like the apartment we were looking for.It is definitely not luxurious, but there are medieval-style carvings on the front of the building, which is quite elegant.In the center of the square stands a big tree with fallen red leaves, and there are still a few faded leaves on the branches. As soon as the wind blows, they will float away from the branches one by one and float aimlessly in the air. Yashi looked up at the apartment and said: I still I first went to the sidewalk and looked around. There was a tavern at the corner in front of me. I pointed to it, pushed her impetuous back and said: You wait there! What are you going to do? I'll go see him first. Yashi looked straight into my pupils. okay?I'll judge what it feels like first, in short, I'll make sure of his character first, okay! Yashi was a little confused and nodded slightly.This is a heavy job, but now Yashi doesn't even have the courage to ring the doorbell.I watched her walk towards the back of the tavern, and then faced the apartment number. I reached out to ring the small doorbell next to the door plate.Try to stay as transactional as possible.There is no need for unnecessary emotions and confusion at this time.I rang the bell.No response, I press it again.Press it longer this time.There was a mechanical noise, and a child's voice came from the walkie-talkie, which startled me. who?The noise of children.I hurriedly raised my voice and asked: Is your father there?It's like I'm looking for my own relatives.I suddenly remembered the slight feeling of my mother when I was a child, and felt the blood rushing to my forehead. who? Soon, the deep man's voice changed.After I adjusted my breathing, I said: I am Agata from Japan.The other party was silent, and I said again: I am a friend of your daughter, she is here now, can I meet if it is convenient? He seemed a little confused, and after a moment of silence he said, "Wait a minute, I'll come down right away."Then turn off the walkie-talkie. Yashi's father was obviously shocked, but did not refuse.There should be some hope when we meet and talk again. I stepped back to the sidewalk, looked at the tavern where Yashi was waiting, and then moved my eyes to the apartment.Fine rain fell from the gray-white sky, sticking to his face.I close my eyes and wait.The coldness of the rain brings peace of mind.The raindrops gradually moistened the face. I think of mothers who committed suicide.When I was a child, I hated my mother who left me to die.After growing up a little bit, I felt that she was very pitiful.I am so sorry, if she is not in a hurry to die, when I grow up, I should be able to heal her broken heart. The sound of the door opening brought me back to reality.A middle-aged man in a dark blue cardigan stepped out.good afternoon.The man looked around and asked in Japanese: Where is Yashi?I looked back at the tavern, and he ran over at a trot.Although his expression was stiff, it showed that his love for his daughter was not weak. I followed him.The rain gradually increased.I wiped my face with my palm and stared at the back of Yashi's father who was walking in front. There was no sign of Yashi in the tavern.Yashi's father looked at me like what's going on?With an expression on my face, I squeezed away the drinkers at the bar and asked the bartender and waiter.Everyone shook their heads.I ran out of the store and looked around the square, but there was no sign of Yashi. Her father stood at the bar.I came back to him panting, shook my head and whispered that I couldn't find it.He shook his head dejectedly.Much like sprouts.The contours of the eyes and nose are exactly the same. After all, Yashi couldn't muster the courage.It was natural for her to be afraid of seeing her father whom she had never met.Anyway, there is still time. During the time we are here, it is enough for the father and daughter to meet again.He didn't know when a woman who looked like his wife was leaning on his back, and she reached out to gently support her husband who was a little unsteady. We went into the tavern, let the espresso warm us up, and stood and talked.I told him in detail about everything I knew, what kind of mood Yashi is living in Florence now, what kind of thoughts he had in the past to spend his life, and so on.There were tears in his eyes.His wife listened in silence.She is a gentle woman, although she doesn't talk much, but holding her husband's hand all the time shows her gentleness. It's not that he abandoned Yashi regardless.Ya Shi also understood in his heart.He whispered that there was not a day in the past ten years that he did not think about Yashi.I nodded vigorously.At this moment, there is no barrier between us. Back at the hotel, Yashi curled up on the bed.After towel drying my wet hair, I sat next to her and described meeting her father and how he was feeling now.Yashi got up and hugged me, covering my lips.Warm lips.I held her and we made love on the bed. The skin of the buds is white, tender and transparent.There are a pair of plump breasts that I dare not look at.From the slender waist to the plump buttocks are the fruits of Italy.The silky feminine curves are like Venus.When in love, the tender flesh is soft and curvy.The slender legs were so soft and curved that it was unbelievably easy for me to enter.It was a body that contrasted with Aoi's slenderness.Aoi's bones are slender, with fragile wrists and ankles.The body is also as thin as a stick, and it feels like the flesh of the chest and buttocks is sticking to the skeleton with great difficulty. Combining with buds is as healthy as exercising at any time.The orgasm came hard.Even in pain, she is as beautiful as the sun.Until the end, I found that there were tears on the face of Ya Shi in the arms.There is a slight separation of body and spirit where the eyes cannot see. After the lights were turned off at night, Ya told me in my arms that I didn't want to see my father anymore and I wanted to go straight back to Florence.I protested displeased, why bother!Since your father wants to see you so much, why not meet him! Regardless, I'm going straight back.She persisted tenaciously. Her breath beats the night of Milan.I don't know what to do.I can't understand how my mother felt when she died young. I hug her gently.Although already asleep, she still hugged me in her sleep responsively. The next day was the first sunny day after we came to Milan.Although the sky is clear, because of the air pollution, the sky is not as bright and clear as it is in Florence.Even so, the blue sky still cheered up the hearts of the two of them. For a change of mood, I took her to the cathedral.Anyone who stops at the square in front of the cathedral will be overwhelmed by the magnificent appearance.Viewed from the front, it looks like a huge crown.Countless small spiers stretch into the sky, several times more gorgeous and dazzling than Florence Cathedral.Many tourists rushed here early in the morning to set up their cameras. Stepping into the interior of the cathedral, contrary to the magnificence of the exterior, it is a dark, cold space brewed by huge stained glass.Ya Shi was intimidated by the atmosphere, and blurted out: How solemn!The gap between interior and exterior impressions is highlighting the great imagination of medieval people.Visitors are initially attracted by the gorgeous appearance, and then they are overwhelmed by the sublime and solemn belief after entering the inside. I want to go up.Yashi said suddenly. I feel a gust of wind sweeping deep inside my ears.Want to go up? Should go up!How can you not even go to Florence Cathedral? I let out a cry.Suddenly remembered the agreement with Aoi.An ancient agreement stuffed in memory like a childhood embarrassing experience that I occasionally recall. That day, we were talking about Milan, where Aoi lived when she was a child, and the topic changed back and forth. It was rare for her to speak with such enthusiasm.She was the one who made that promise, half-jokingly, maybe out of sheer joy. Hey, can you promise me? What? On my thirtieth birthday, how about we meet on the top of Frostius Cathedral? Florence Cathedral?Why did you choose that place?Isn't the Duomo of Milan okay? Because Milan Cathedral is the most magnificent cathedral in the world, and Florence Cathedral is the most beautiful cathedral in the world, according to Federica. It's Federica again! The beautiful medieval streetscapes of Florence that await you after you've sweated and desperately climbed hundreds of stairs are undoubtedly the virtues that bind lovers' hearts together. I don't think there is any need to make a special appointment to meet up there, let's go climbing together on your 30th birthday! OK, as long as we don't break up. This is so strange!It's like predicting that we're going to break up.Are you a prophet? have no idea.That's for the future.So, if we cherish today, then make a promise.I want to keep today's mood between us and make this promise.On my thirtieth birthday, it was waiting for me on the top of the cathedral. Maybe you will be there first. No, if you keep thinking about me, you will go up and wait for me first. Thirty years old?ten years later Shunzheng! I gaze at the ceiling above the stained glass.Yashi's voice overlapped Aoi's voice, pulling me back to reality. Shunzheng, what's the matter with you? No, don't go up. As I said that, I pulled Yashi hard, and walked out like pushing the swampy air in the dark cathedral. What's the matter?Hey, what are you doing with that expression?Yashi's voice was low and forceful to stop me. I don't know whether to chase the past or trust the future.Only conventions I remember.I have been bound by that curse.I know it's a very boring thing, but I'm living in the present when I'm stuck in the past.The future and the past are waiting for me.Thirty-year-old birthday, May 25, 2000 Pushing open the huge door to go outside, the sun flooded the square, so dazzling that we had to squint.The afterimage of a person slowly flows in front of the field of vision like a ghost. A group of tourists came out from the arched shopping street built of iron frames and glass on the north side of the cathedral, the Victor Emmanuel II shopping mall.Strong winds blow.It looked like a wide-brimmed hat worn by an American woman was flying in the air, and several people broke off to help chase it.The pigeons on the square fluttered their wings and flew together.The chiming clock rang and the light shot into my memory. In the next moment, a woman suddenly flashed in front of his vision.If I am not looking for the memory of the past, I am likely to miss the nostalgic figure.Clear eyes, bulging cheeks, soft hair, determined lips, and a slender body.It is the memory of beauty engraved in my heart. My body reacted by itself, and I let go of Yashi's hand naturally.Yashi's voice sounded from behind, and I ran forward. sunflower. I shouted in my heart.An oriental woman who looked like Aoi was sucked into the arcade.I pushed past the group tourists and ran at full speed.The voice swelled in my ears, snapping back to reality.Where?where is she?Aoi's back was in the crowd tens of meters away.The woman who looked like Aoi walked to the intersection of the shopping mall.I ran forward towards her.I bumped into someone and chased me with angry curses.In the center of the mall, at the crossroads, I lost sight of a woman who looked like Aoi.Sightseeers passed me, behind, left, right.I look around.I looked back several times several times. Shunzheng! Someone in the distance called my name.Shunzheng.The sound drew me to turn my head away, it wasn't Kui, it was Yashi. What's the matter?Why did you leave me and run?Yashi said and hugged me tightly. sunflower.Is that Aoi?Or misread the person?Maybe it's a prank from an old memory.I hugged Yashi weakly.This is not an illusion, but a woman's real body. From then on, every day until I went back, I went to the Cathedral Square.Although Yashi was impatient, she still followed me every day.As time passed, I began to feel that the woman was not Aoi.Aoi should still be in Tokyo.Her parents are in Tokyo now.She should get a job in Tokyo and marry someone in Tokyo. I sigh deeply.Want to shake off doubts.Tell yourself that it's not Aoi, it's just a prank of memory. After only a week of layover, this unexpected event hit me hard.Regardless of whether it is true or not, there is a hope in my heart that I may reunite with Aoi.As long as I believe that we will meet, I feel that we will really meet again.The anticipation that the past agreement suddenly became reality floated in my heart. May 25, 2000.florence cathedral Yashi and I left Milan with complicated thoughts.I have Kwai in my heart, and Ya really misses her father. is this correct?It was hard to see him coming here, but he left without seeing him.I asked. Yashi nodded affirmatively, it doesn't matter, I have Shunzheng. I took the suitcase and Yashi closed the door.Yashi's eyes fell on the doorknob, and he didn't move.I waited in the corridor for Yashi to close the door.The way Yashi tried to forget his father made me feel distressed. Taking the elevator down to the lobby, the door slowly opened, and Yashi's father stood in front of the counter.We found out as soon as we stepped out of the elevator, our feet stopped involuntarily. Her father walked straight up.Stare at Bud.At that moment, no one could have imagined that the time gap separating the two of them would straddle them so severely. Although Yashi and his father are related by blood, they cannot talk to each other.They can only exchange simple greetings and want to tell their thoughts, but the other party cannot understand.Yashi's Italian is not enough, and her father has completely forgotten Japanese.He only stayed in Japan for a few years, so there was nothing he could do.More than ten years have passed.At that moment, Yashi seemed to regret not learning Italian well. The two bid farewell still holding their own thoughts.Yashi was even more frustrated because of the language barrier.There are still limits to my intermediate interpretation.The shock of not being able to communicate crushed Yashi, and she remained silent as if suffering from aphasia.Her father would only call her first name, the hollow constant ringing in my ears in the morning rush of the hotel lobby.