Chapter 8 Book VII

Pathfinder When King Kong met the God of Opening the Road, he envied him and said: "You and I grow up like me. How can I eat as well as you do?"The God who opened the way said: Brother, I don't know, I just want to get some food and ears.When it comes to dressing, it's not good at all, peeling off a layer of shame, and the whole body is covered with bamboo strips. Scorched ghost A group of idlers met someone going out for a funeral, and the ghost king was in front of them, thinking that they were old officials, and they worshiped very respectfully.After a while, it rained heavily, and the paper clothes on the ghost were washed away by the rain.The idle man said: "Damn it in the daytime, I only thought I was a senior official, but it turned out to be a piece of bamboo strips."

Pharyngeal bran An idler swallowed his chaff, and suddenly met the senior official staying home for breakfast, and replied: "I'm too full with dog meat in the right time, and I can't eat the rice. I have a few glasses of wine."After drinking and vomiting suddenly, the chaff comes out.Standing up, he asked in surprise: You said you ate dog meat, why did you spit it out?The man stared at it for a long time, and said, "Well, the dog meat I ate myself must have been eaten by dogs. looking at the chimney The rich are the ones who should drink and eat, and the idlers will gather together.Because he asked: "Whenever the rice is cooked here, everyone will come here. It's not bad for a moment, but why?"The idlers said: Looking at the smoke coming out of the chimney, you can know how to cook, and when it is out, it is cooked. How can you make a mistake?Fu'er said: "I'll buy a stove to cook tomorrow. Let's see what you look for."The crowd said: "You simmered the stove, and I won't come anymore."

Old White Prime Minister In the famine year, the idle man has nowhere to live, and the government is serving porridge in the Xuanmiao Temple. The idle man privately said: "We used to eat fresh clothes and delicious food, but now we eat it, and it will make people laugh."E Yanjiuzhi, but he was very hungry, said: "Gu wait for all the hungry people to eat, and the tail can be followed."Looking at people from afar and leaving, the porridge is exhausted, so I use my fingers to pull the remaining porridge between the pots and ladles.The Taoist asked him when he saw it, and replied: We were originally fishing for (old) Bai Xianger.

Borrow your brain Suzhou people are extremely flattering to elder officials, and they usually call their masters and say: "I am willing to ask the boy to die for me."One day the main illness, the doctor said: "The disease is terminally ill, and it cannot be cured by medicine stones. It must be cured by the brain of a living person."After searching for nothing, he suddenly realized and said: A certain person usually claims that he is willing to die for him, how can he be stingy?That is to say, to tell the reason.Nai was shocked and said: Ah, don't get it, I am from Suzhou, and I have never had a brain.

heck When I was idle, I saw that the senior official had a square face and round ears, so I couldn't praise it.The man said, "Are you licking your eggs here again?" Song weasel The helper boasted of his skills and said: I am perfect in everything, and I am unparalleled in the world.One person said: There is only one thing that resembles the most.Q: What is it?The answer was: Qu 蟮.Q: Why are you like him?Said: Kill without blood, cut without flesh, if you want to grow, you can grow, if you want to be short, you can shorten, you can sing, and you can snort. Everything cooked

The helper had dinner with his wife on New Year's Eve, and suddenly smiled and said: I think I will only be able to use one familiar word in my life.Look at the old man, who is not familiar with him?Private nest girl, who are you not familiar with?On the cruise ship, who are you unfamiliar with?Actor and singer, are you unfamiliar with that one?The friend who sang Xiao Guan, who is not familiar with him?Before the words were finished, the wife suddenly mourned greatly.When the man asked why, he said: "Heaven killed it!"You are hot in every piece, why don't you redeem my Chinese New Year shirt for me.

live a thousand years A guest called the nobleman and said: Last night, Menggong lived for a thousand years.The nobleman said: "Dreams are born and died, is it not ominous?"The man suddenly changed his mouth and said, "Shh!I said it was bad, it was Meng Gong who died for a thousand years. fart smell There are those who serve the nobles, and the nobles even say a fart, that is to say: Where is the Ganan incense?The nobleman said ashamedly: I hear farts as grain gas, and I regard the smell as righteousness.Today's anti-fragrance may not be a good omen.The man waved his hand to sniff and said: "It's a bit smelly now."

bump into seats Rats and otters make friends.The rat invites the otter first, and the otter answers the table, and invites the rat to cross the river to look for food temporarily.Suddenly a cat saw it and wanted to catch it, and the mouse panicked and said: "The one who pleases me is gone, but the one who eats me has arrived." mud high wall Swallows make their nests with mud in their mouths, and carry the soil from earthworms.Earthworm said angrily: "You want to build up the top wall with mud, why do you regret me?"Yan Ziyun: I only blame you, you are an egg. Prostitute

An official pretends to be a juren and goes to the court to visit prostitutes.The prostitute said with words and jokes: "I will come here tonight, and I will not accompany you."The official said: "I will reject the application."The prostitute said: "It's not like that, the intercourse is dirty."The official said: The punishment room is dirty, but my military room is clean.Said: It is menstruation.The official said: I have been studying detailed essays and soliciting manuscripts since I was a child, no matter what "Book of Changes" or "Book of Songs" you have.The prostitute said: "There is a difference in tolerance, it's a flow."The official said: "Liu Hong is the official of the capital. You use it to scare me. Is it because you are afraid?"

shift change A Zao Li's wife is promiscuous, and her husband guards against it day and night.One day, when I was on duty, I drew a piece of soap on the left side of my wife's vulva to guard it, and recognized it as a record.The wife went back to work with others, wiped off the front soap, and the adulterer hurriedly drew a soap shape on the right and left.When my husband came home from work, he verified that it was not the original writing, and said angrily: "Why did I write it on the left side, why did it move to the right side?"The wife said: You have been in the yamen for many years, don't you want to take turns changing shifts?

Sit down The nose and the eyebrows competed for a seat, and the nose said: "All the smells and smells are my prophets, and my achievements are great."You are a useless thing, what merits do you have, how dare you rank above me?Mei said: "Yes, it is so. If the nose is on the top, is there any reason in the world?" Soft and hard Xizi argued with the nose, and Xizi said: I can give birth to males and females, and I have made great achievements in the world. What kind of virtue and ability do you have, how dare you take my place?Bi said: "I live among the five mountains, and I can know the smell. How dare you look down on me?"If the dispute between the two things is indeterminate, tell Yukou.He said, "I advise you to make peace."The nose stubbornly refused.Mouth angrily said: "Waizi still has a soft season, you are making a nose, but it is so hard to earn." servant girl A maidservant gave birth to a son, who was the eldest, or asked his name.The son was humble for a long time, but he said: "The humble name is Xiaomei."Question: What was the original name of the Honorable Lord, He Mei?Answer: No, but my mother's name is Lameier. urinal curse A servant's envoy, as the saying goes.The nose also comes out of the chamber pot.Return to the master and say: Daddy, just now the turtle scolded me, and then scolded Daddy.The master said: Nonsense!How can the urine turtle curse?The little emissary said: "At first I scolded me Bi, then I continued to scold me: Bi Bi Bi, Bi Bi Bi."Don't you scold daddy in it? Play against each other When the actor went out, he asked his wife to say: "Come with your partner, you can take out the opera drum and teach him to match the opera eyes."The wife misunderstood, thinking that the buttocks were protruding, and taught him to align the assholes.When the companion arrives, he will be given to him in the back court.Companion asked: How does your master compare to me?Fu Yun: It's good, it's just a quick summary of the drama, and the board needs to be tighter. butt pain The hemp fly and the bluebottle fly become brothers, and the bluebottle fly lures the hemp fly to a banquet.The hemp fly drank and gorged, but was caught by the servant, who inserted a bamboo stick into his buttocks, and handed him a lamp grass to use as a stick.It took half a day to get away, and when I met a bluebottle, I cried and said: I will take care of you, I can eat everything, but my butt hurts. Long Yang married Long Yang was newly married, and he just went to bed, that is, he wanted to fuck his wife's ass.The woman said: "It's bad."The answer is: I came from primary school, how can I be poor?The woman said: I came from elementary school, but I am not of this class. How can I not be bad? Semen One person was suffering from a disease, and the doctor said: You must use the essence of a young man, mix it with medicine, and take it before it can be restored.It makes people look for it with a weapon.Encounter a beautiful boy on the way, tell me the reason.Tong Ling put the utensil on the ground, then untied his trousers, and sprinkled them behind his buttocks.The seeker said: The essence comes first, why take it later?Tong said: You don't know, the source is not as good as the gathering place. buttocks On the night of Longyang's wedding, he hugged his wife with his buttocks.The wife touched it and said in surprise: "Why don't you have it?"Long Yang also touched his wife and said in surprise: "Why don't you have one?" Assault When Longyang gave birth to a son, people said: You are already a father, so why do you still do such things?Long Yang pointed to his son and said: "I really want to tell you, but I only hate that the attacker is still young. After more than ten years, Dang Jiliu will retreat bravely." Redeem the car The two children exchanged in court later, as the saying goes, exchanging cars.The boy was very cunning, he played with his buttocks first, and then left on him as soon as he was done.The victim rushed to his home, crying and shouting: Give me back, give me back!His mother didn't know what was going on, so she came out to persuade her, "Student, don't cry. He owes you something. Let me pay you back for him." squeeze in A young man got off the boat at night, and someone came close to him and inserted his penis into the buttock hole.The young man asked in horror: why?Answer cloud: There are too many people, squeezed in.Ask again: Why just move?The answer is: this is not me, so I am scratching my itch here. Husband and wife There are those who have a thick contract with the small officials, and the elders, and marry wives for them.It is said that the whole family does not avoid it.One day, he broke into the room, and his mother was there, and asked his daughter, "Who is your relative?"The woman replied: Husband and wife. be a turtle After getting married in Longyang, he will sleep out every day.The wife went to her mother's house and said, "I don't want to follow him anymore."The mother asked why, and replied: I am the son and daughter of a good family, why did I go to be a turtle with him. old call There is someone who is too old in Longyang, who occasionally farts, and the hooker knocks his teeth for him.The crowd asked why, and the answer was: Don't you hear the cry of old age? Shouban Those who have a good manly style can stay in a hotel late at night, and it is suitable to share the same room with an old man without a beard.I secretly thought that there were young children, so I adjusted it.This old man has a hip style, so he is happy to do it.When they were very happy, because Xu Zhi used clothes to make hairpins, they all refused.When asked what he wanted, he replied: I would like to get a good birthday board. girl A female dog intercourse with an ox gave birth to a male, and when he grew up, people asked where his parents were, and pointed to the ox and said: "This is the master."Pointing to the dog, he said, "This mother is also."The man said in amazement: How can such an old official be matched with such a young lady? good sleeping shoes Prostitutes sleep well, and they don't wake up every day.Some intruders stole a jug and left.The other day, when the guest arrives, he snores and sleeps again, and wakes up when the guest leaves.Check your clothes, lose one embroidered shoe, get out of bed, and suddenly fall out of the shade.Geke laughed at him for being a good sleeper, so he took the shoe and went away.The bustard said anxiously, "Look carefully again. I'm afraid the wine jug that I didn't see the day before yesterday is still inside." whore pussy When the customer returns from the brothel, the wife asks: These whores have passed through tens of thousands of people. What is the benefit of this thing, and fall in love with him day and night?The husband said: I don't know why, but the more famous prostitutes receive more customers, the better this thing is.The wife said: So that's the case, why is it so difficult, why didn't you say it earlier? open boxing Clients and prostitutes are very close, and they meet and die together.Since there are two cups of poisoned wine, the prostitute lets the guest drink first.After the guests had finished drinking, the prostitute stretched out her fist to urge the prostitute, and said: "My capacity is narrow, so let me give up this cup with you." too broad A young man went to whoring, and thought that a prostitute had a big mouth, because of the saying: "A big mouth has a big cunt."The prostitute immediately scolded and said: "Little hozen." dream in dream The prostitute and the guest reunited after a long absence, and they all missed each other.The prostitute said: I dream of you eating, sleeping and playing together every night.The guest said: I also dream of it.The prostitute asked, "What about the dream?"Said: I dream of you, not of me. year back A businessman went to a prostitute and asked him about his youth.The prostitute said: "Eighteen."Over the years, the businessman lost money in business and still lived on his family.Prostitutes forget it.When asked its year, he said: Seventeen.A few years later, when I entered his home and asked him, he said: Sixteen.The businessman suddenly burst into tears, and the prostitute asked why, saying: "Your age is about the same as my capital, and it is getting less and less."Thinking of this, can it be sad. son whoring father gang If there is a son who likes to whore and starves his father, the father said to him: "Instead of using other people's gossip, why don't you take me to the table? Since I have food, you can also save money. Wouldn't it be convenient?"But it can't be said.The son follows it.My father is in a prostitute's house, and he is very helpful and considerate in everything.The prostitute asked, "Where can I get this helper? It's very strange."Confucius said: It's hard to say.His daughter-in-law has an affair with me, and I support her, so she is so considerate.Tomorrow, the prostitute said this to Weng, and Weng said: "Even so, his mother has hooked up with me a little bit, she just treats him like a son, so I have to be considerate of him." Father one more time The son likes to go to the brothel, and the father reprimands him, saying: "You bastard, I see you nine times out of ten when I go to a prostitute's house."Confucius said: "Speaking of which, you still scold me one more time?" drunk knock When a drunken bachelor knocks on a prostitute's door, the prostitute knows that she has no money, so she closes her door and refuses to accept it, saying that she has customers, but there are no customers.The bachelor broke through the door, and the prostitute turned off the lights and lay on her back on the bed.The bachelor touched his feet, no different from a man, but said with a smile: "He didn't refuse me, he really had a guest." entangled A crab and a frog became brothers, each of them had to bet to jump over the ravine, and the one who passed first would be the elder.The frog slipped over early.As the crab was walking, it was suddenly bumped into by a woman and tied up with grass.Seeing that he was not coming, the frog turned around and called the cloud: Why didn't he come?Crab said: Otherwise, when will it come, just because I am entangled here by this crooked bone, so I can't delay it. Kameto A man wanted to cross the river, but there was no ferry boat.Suddenly there was a big turtle, and the scholar said, "Brother Turtle, please cross me. I will sing a poem to thank you."Turtle said: Sing first and then cross.The scholar said: "Don't be coaxed by you. How about reciting a few sentences first, and then reciting two sentences after crossing?"Turtle said: so.Shi Yin said: Wearing the gossip of the nine palaces, the Dragon King of Siyou is also afraid.The tortoise was very happy, so he crossed the river.The scholar continued, "I am a man in clothes, and I don't talk to turtles." flesh and blood The prostitute picked up a Western guest, and when she left, she wanted to warm her heart. She said falsely: "I am three months pregnant, and I am your blood. I must come and see."Customer letter, as scheduled fruit.The prostitute was trapped, so he put a little white dog in the child's basket, covered it with a quilt, and lied to the guest, saying: "The child is born, and he is sleeping soundly. Don't disturb him."The guest Qi looked at the dog's body and was overjoyed. He stroked the dog and said, "If it is our own flesh and blood, we would have worn a sheepskin jacket in the womb." Wife should be slightly One person likes to gamble and never returns day and night.The family has been broken, and there is only one wife left, so I will leave.After a few throws, lose again.Because please spare another throw, the winner said: How can you forgive me if you are a wife for a while?The answer is: one of the reasons is that the house is still a virgin, and the price of the work is less, so it is not an exaggeration.The winner said: That makes sense?Said: If you don't believe me, just look at how have I been at home for a night since we were married? Take the head A gambler who loses all his belongings and cannot make a living will hang himself with a rope.Suddenly I saw a ghost on the beam and said: "Get your head quickly."The man said: Thanks to you for opening this mouth, I have lost to such a position, and you still come to ask me for my head! catch head According to the king's visit, Kuangzhang, Chen Zhongzi and Qi people were all arrested.Kuang is a confident and filial son, and Chen Qingke does not ask for help.But the people of Qi have a wife and a concubine, and they send it to the wise for solution.In order to see the emperor, according to the king, the crimes of the three people were all leaders of corrupt customs, so I visited them.The obvious said: Kuangzhang gave birth to his wife Pingzi, Zhongzi left his mother to avoid his brother, the old grandfather caught him very well.The Qi people are the head of the beggar, so why arrest him? day ghost The mage went to the altar and gave food from the mouth of the flame.At dawn, just about to go to bed, I saw a group of hungry ghosts in shackles and chains, with broken hands and feet, asking for food.The teacher asked: What kind of physiology did you do in the yang world to receive this retribution?Zhongyun: They are all abductors, acting as mediators, and setting up a trap to harm others.Ask again: Why don't you come to receive the Dharma food at night?The answer: Our class are all day ghosts. boy head One person is used to splitting money in his life and deducting other people's money.After death, the King of Hades hated him and sent him to suffer in the dark hell.When I was in prison, I said: Everyone here, you can't see the sun, why don't you move a centimeter and open a skylight? wear A scholar was reading at night, and saw the sound of the wall of Thief's cave. At that time, the soup was boiling in the furnace, and he lifted the soup and sneaked to the cave entrance.As soon as the wall was pierced, the thief entered with his feet first, and the soldier grabbed his legs, and Xu poured them with boiling soup.The thief begged for an explanation, and the scholar said calmly, "I dare not flatter you if there are too many, just use this pot." New Thunder Lei Gong wanted to punish his disobedient son, but the son held his hand and said: "Hit slowly."Let me ask you, are you still the new Thunder God, or the old Thunder God?Lei Gong said: "What do you mean?"The man said: If it is the new Lei Gong, I should kill him.If the old Lei Gong, my father rebelled against my ancestors, where have you been? called city gate One person sings best.It was late to return from visiting relatives, and the gate of the city was closed, because they called: "Open the gate!"The gatekeeper said, "I'll let you in after you sing a song."The man said: "Sing, just sing, but I sing, you have to agree."The gatekeeper said: "It depends on you."The person first said Baiyun: Zhou Cang!The city responded, "Hey."Grandpa Guan is outside the city, hurry up and welcome him!Response said: 嗄.The man said: since you know that your master is outside the city, you should open the door. How dare you ask me to sing? Widower An old widower in Suzhou, someone asked: Do you have a son?Answer cloud: Speaking of children, it is actually sad.In the past, the wife's ancestor and his wife's father were engaged to be married, so to speak, but they were withdrawn by a god-killing scheme, so that the wife and father never married their wives and mothers, and their wives and mothers never raised their wives. compensation The tiger wanted to eat the monkey, but the monkey said, "I am too small to chew."There is a huge beast in the front mountain, which is worthy of a feast, so it should be guided to go there.At the same time, in front of the mountain, a deer with one horn saw it, suspected that it wanted to eat him, and shouted: "You little hozen, allow me to give me twelve tiger skins, but now I only take one, do you have eleven more?"The tiger fled in fright, and cursed: "I don't believe this little hozen is so hateful, but he wants to abduct me to settle the old debt!" Bad language One old man has no children, three sons-in-law live together, and a new hall is built.His eldest son-in-law returned home after drinking, but he didn't answer the knock on the door, and cursed: "Why did the prison door close so early!"Weng Nu called his second son-in-law and said: "I have spent a lot of money on this house. It is not easy to earn. I feel very disgusted to make such unfavorable words."The second son-in-law said: "If this house is sold, it will only be worth five hundred gold."Weng became more angry, and called the third son-in-law to tell it.The third son-in-law said: "It's five hundred gold, and I don't care if I persuade Uncle to sell it. If so, it will be a fire."Not even worth the fart. Trumpet When the musician returns at night, he sees the thief digging a hole on the road, inserting the trumpet and blowing it.Nei Jingjue chased after him, and asked the thief, "Have you ever seen a trumpeter?" Quit dog meat The beggars abstained from eating dog meat, and all the beggars advised them: "No need."Said: I have not eaten for a long time.The crowd said: You can discipline him, but he doesn't discipline you. sick leg A beggar's sick leg was rotten, and he was lying on his back in the market. The dog wanted to eat him when he saw it.The beggar said: "Beast, you must eat from your mouth. Why are you so impatient?" eat watermelon leaves The guests in the Qing Dynasty are very poor. When they get up in the morning without rice, they cook the watermelon leaves and eat them.In a few moments, I went to the feast of the rich, drank too much empty spirit wine, and then made a big drink, and the watermelon leaves came out.Fearing people's ridicule, he pointed to it and said: it's so weird, when you eat boiled soup in the morning, you don't use many lotus hearts, how can the little lotus leaves grow so quickly? book hand A person in a whoring house drank too much, snored and fell asleep when he went to bed, and the prostitute was afraid that it would be difficult to ask for the money the next day, so he fondled his yang.The guest woke up and asked, "Who are you?"The prostitute said: Li Yunqing's rough hands.The man said: "The scribe of the Judgment Hall, why are you doing my eggs here?" slippery official There are fast hands, and his wife is quite beautiful.Every time the neighbor officials want to adjust it, they dig a hole in the wall, and when their husband comes out, they pass the penis through to lure him.Occasionally, Kuaishou saw it and held it tightly.The official praised and said: "It's so fast."The official smeared the penis with saliva, pulled it out as hard as he could, and retracted it.Kuaishou also praised and said: "What a slippery official." make cards Someone knocked on the official's door, and his wife said, "Go out."Are you going to play cards?Leave a bigger host in my room, let you put it away if you want, press it if you want, give it away if you want it, cancel it if you want it, smoke it if you want it, there is nothing you can't do. servant There is a servant who takes refuge and says to himself: He will not be able to row a boat in his life, he will not retreat, and he will live when he has food.The host is happy to accept it.One day, he twisted river mud and said, "I said I can't push a boat horizontally."He also made him plant rice seedlings, saying: I said I would not shrink back.The master was very angry, and when he served his meal, he kept coming in continuously, so he reprimanded him by saying that he would stop when he saw the meal.The man opened his mouth and said to the master: "Please see if you have seen rice in your throat?" Changing Du Poems There are old prostitutes who are older than their ears, and they still forcefully apply creams and baths to charm young people.Afraid of revealing gray hair, fake makeup from a good family and cover it with a crown.The common eye can't tell, but there are those who are confused by it.A famous person talked about it during the banquet, and changed a poem by Du Du, saying in a mocking way: When you grow old, you will be strong for thousands of years, but you will be happy tonight when you are happy.I am ashamed to return my short hair to my peach temples, and laugh at a good family with a crown.The yin water seems to fall from a thousand streams, and the golden lotus is towering and the two peaks are cold.I don't know who will be there next year, hold my dick drunk and watch carefully.In a flash.