Chapter 4 third handbook

one One of Takeichi's prophecies came true, but the other was wrong. The ignominious prophecy of being infatuated with a woman was true, but the blessing-like prophecy that he would definitely paint a masterpiece was not fulfilled at all. At best, I can only be a third-rate cartoonist for a bad magazine. Due to the Kamakura incident, I was expelled from the high school and lived in a room with three tatami mats on the second floor of the Flounder house. The money sent by my hometown every month would not be directly handed over to me. It was sent to Flounder secretly (and I heard that my brothers and sisters in my hometown sent it to me without telling my father), that’s all, and there is no other connection with my hometown.

The flounder always looks at me, even if I smile with him, he doesn't even smile at all. Humans can be so simple, changing faces as quickly as turning the pages of a book! It makes people feel obscene, no, it’s better to describe it as funny, he changed his appearance and said to me in a different voice: Can't go out!In short, just don't go out! Flounder watched me as if I was going to commit suicide again, in other words, he seemed to have decided that I would jump into the sea after chasing the figure of a woman again, and strictly prohibited me from going out.However, I have neither alcohol nor cigarettes, so I can only curl up in the kotatsu in a room with three stacks of tatami mats on the second floor and read old magazines all day long. I live like an idiot, and I even have the strength to commit suicide All gone.

Flounder's house is close to Okubo Medical College, Qinglong Garden, a calligraphy and antique dealer, only the words on this signboard seem to be in high spirits. As for the shop, it occupies half of the house. Put some worthless scrap metal. (In fact, Flounder does not make money by buying and selling these scraps of metal. I heard that he transfers the secret collection of a certain uncle here to another uncle to earn agency fees.) He didn't stay in the store almost all day, and went out about early in the morning with a solemn face. The person in charge of the store was a child of seventeen or eighteen years old, perhaps because he was still working as a guard for me. Whenever I had time, I went outside to play pass and catch games with the nearby children, and treated me, a diner on the second floor, as a fool, and even preached to me in a serious manner!By nature, I don't want to argue or talk back with others, so I always show a tired and awe-inspiring expression, listen quietly, and obey.

This young man is Shibuda's illegitimate son. Even if something unusual happens, Shibuta will not name his father and son. In addition, I heard that Shibuta has never married a wife because of this reason. These are all my faults. Rumors I heard casually from my family or neighbors in the past, but I am not interested in other people's life experiences, so I don't know much about them.But the boy's eyes are weirdly reminiscent of fish eyes. Could it be that he is really the illegitimate child of a flounder?If this is the case, then the two of them are really a lonely father and son team.They used to eat the soba noodles they bought in the middle of the night without telling me on the second floor.

The food at Flounder’s house is taken care of by the young man, only the meals of me, a troublesome person on the second floor, are specially placed on the plate, and the three meals are brought by the young man every morning, lunch, and dinner, while Flounder and the young man are in the dark and humid downstairs. In the four-and-a-half stacks of tatami mats in the room, there was the sound of glass dishes colliding with each other from time to time, and they ate in a hurry.One evening at the end of March, Flounder didn’t know what opportunity to make a fortune, or he had other ideas (even if these two inferences are correct, there are probably several other reasons that I can’t think of). I called to the table with wine downstairs, and borrowed a few pieces of tuna sashimi. The host of the treat was still smug, and even helped me, a dazed diner, drink!

What are your plans next? I didn't answer, picked up the small dried sardines from the table, stared at the silvery white eyes of the small fishes, a feeling of dizziness faintly broke out, I missed the days of playing around, even this guy Horiki, I Desperately longing for freedom, for a moment, I was about to cry out weakly. After I came to this house, I didn't even have the motivation to be funny, I just lived in the contemptuous eyes of the flounder and the young man. Even the flounder seemed to avoid having a long and harmonious conversation with me, and I was in no mood to chase the flounder. Chatting, has almost completely become a dazed diner.

Deferred prosecution.It seems that there is no criminal record left.In this way, you too can be a human being again.you!If you know how to repent and talk to me seriously, I will help you think about it. The way the flounder talks, no, it should be the way everyone in the world talks, is so troublesome, and has a bit of hazy and subtle complexity that makes people want to escape.I'm always puzzled by warnings that are too serious to remedy and annoying strategies that are too small to count.never mind!It's all good!As I thought about it, with a mentality like a bereaved dog, I was either joking sarcastically, or bearing everything in silence.

If the flounder had given me such a simple statement as the following, the matter would have ended there, and these things I did not understand until later.No, it should be said that the superfluous attention to the flounder is vanity that is incomprehensible to the world, and it makes me feel gloomy no matter what. If only Flounder had said that at the time. Regardless of public or private, in short, from April onwards, you can find a school to study!After entering school to study, your hometown will send you a generous living allowance. Although it took me a long time to understand, in fact, that's all there is to it.

So, at the time, I also heeded this advice, right?However, Flounder's thoughtful way of speaking somehow complicated everything, and the direction of my life has changed since then. But if you're not in the mood to seriously discuss it with me, then there's nothing wrong with it. What kind of discussion?I'm really clueless. That's what's on your mind! For example? For example, what are your plans for the future. Do you think it would be better for me to go to work? No, I mean what do you think yourself? But you don't want me to go back to school That costs money!But now the focus is not money, but your mood.

My hometown will send money, isn't it?Why didn't he finish the sentence in one breath?My mood has clearly settled down, but because of his words, I fell into a fog. how?Do you have any future expectations?Although it is somewhat difficult to take care of yourself alone, especially for those who have been taken care of all the time, you should not realize this! terribly sorry. Actually!This is what worries me.I also don't want you to dawdle ignorantly just because I've been taking care of you.I wish you would let me see your determination to find a new way of life.For example, regarding your future plans, if you can be honest and discuss with me seriously, I will give you a good answer.If you think this poor flounder is going to help me anyway, and then be as ambitious as ever, then I can't help you.But if you can firm up your mind and establish a future policy.Let's have a good chat, and I'll help, if only in a small way, to bring you back to life.understand?Do you understand how I feel?What are your plans for the future?

I'll go to work if you can't let me live on the second floor real?do you mean thatNow if you graduate from Imperial University No, I don't want to be an office worker. OK, what's that? I want to be a painter.I made up my mind and blurted it out. Huh? At that time, the smiling face of the flounder shrunk its neck, showing a cunning shadow, which lingered in my mind.That seems contemptuous and it seems not.If the world is compared to the sea, then the wonderful shadow seems to be floating in a certain abyss in that sea. It is a shining and eye-catching smile that shines from time to time in the depths of adult life. What is this nonsense?You haven't thought about it carefully at all, think about it, right?Seriously thinking about it all night today.I got such an answer, and then I climbed up to the second floor as if being chased, unable to come up with any conclusion even if I lay down.At dawn I escaped from the Flounder's house. I will return in the evening.I went to the residence of this friend in the left column to discuss the future direction.Don't worry.real! I wrote Todai's message with a pencil on a note, and then I wrote Masao Horiki's name and address in Asakusa, and sneaked out of Flounder's house. I didn't escape because I was displeased with being lectured by the flounder.As Flounder said, I am a man who can't figure out what I think, and I don't even have a concept of the future direction.The trouble with staying in the Flounder's house is that not only will he feel sympathy for the Flounder, but if he really wants to cheer up and make up his mind, he will feel short of breath when he thinks of getting the help of the rebirth fund from the poor Flounder every month , There is a feeling of shame. However, I didn't really intend to leave the Flounder's house with the intention of discussing the future with Horiki.It’s just that for a moment, I wanted to reassure the flounder a little bit (at that time, I wrote this note in the style of a mystery novel with a little desire to escape to a distant place, although I did have such a feeling at the time, but that kind of When the flounder is suddenly shocked, confused and confused, I will feel terrible, maybe it is somewhat correct! Even if the deeds are exposed, I still feel scared and have to find something to cover, I think this is my sad quirk One of them is very similar to the despicable character of a liar. However, I hardly hide it because I want to bring benefits to myself. I just want to change the fear of suffocation that I feel in a depressed atmosphere, even if I know it afterwards. It's not good for me, but due to the usual kind of hard-working service, with a little crooked weakness and a foolish mood of funny service, I still often want to say something to cover up the situation inadvertently. However, such a habit is still honest in this world People are very easy to eat), so Horiki's name and address emerged from the bottom of the memory, vividly on the paper. After walking out of Flounder's house and arriving in Shinjuku, I sold the books in my arms, still feeling helpless.Compared with me, I am very kind to everyone, but I have never felt such a thing as friendship. Except for Horiki's drinking and meat friends, all other contacts will only make me feel painful. I seem to try to erase this pain and play the role of entertainment, but instead exhaust myself, even if I see a little familiar Even the similar faces on the road, at that moment, I seemed to be attacked by a trembling that was about to dizzy. I knew that I was loved by others, but I lacked the ability to love others. (I have always wondered whether people have the ability to love.) Such a self, not only is it impossible to make any close friends, but even the ability to visit at home.For me, the door of other people's house is more terrifying than the gate of hell in "Divine Comedy", like a terrible poisonous dragon wriggling at the end of the door, a living monster, this feeling is not exaggerated at all, it is really active in my heart. I haven't interacted with anyone, so naturally I can't visit anywhere. Horiki! This is a chess piece that was left in the joke.As I wrote in the note, I went to visit Horiki who lives in Asakusa. I have never been to Horiki's house before, I sent a telegram to ask Horiki to come to my place, but now, I have to worry about whether I can pay the telegram fee, and I am as poor as I am now, even if I telegraph Horiki won't come!Thinking so, I decided to make a visit that I was not good at, and got on the city tram with a sigh.For me, the only thing I can rely on in this world is that Horiki? Thinking of this, I feel a chilling misery. Horiki is at home. In a two-story building deep in a dirty alley, Horiki uses the only room with six tatami mats on the second floor, and below that lives Horiki's elderly parents and a young craftsman, the three of them banging and sewing clog laces . On that day, Horiki showed me a new side as an urbanite.This is the so-called treacherous and cunning personality, which is cold and cunning selfishness enough to make me, as a countryman, dumbfounded.Unlike me, he is a man who will wander endlessly. I am completely intimidated by you, did your father forgive you?Still not yet? I escaped, and I can't say such words. I, as usual, perfunctory.At times like this, Horiki must have seen through right away, but I still covered it up. I'm still trying to figure this out. Hey, this is not funny!A word of warning, even a fool would stop here.Me, I have something to do today!I've been so busy lately. something?what is the matter? Hey, don't break the thread of the seat cushion! While I was chatting, I unconsciously played with my fingers on one of the four corners of the tassel on my seat cushion. If Horiki touches his own belongings, he will cherish even a thread of the seat cushion without shame, which is why he is showing displeasure and blaming me now.Thinking about it carefully, Horiki has never lost anything since we came and went. Horiki's elderly mother brought up two bowls of red bean soup on a food tray. Ah, there is this! Like a sincere and filial son, Horiki respectfully said to his mother with unnatural choice of words: Sorry, would you like a bowl of red bean soup?It's nothing rich or not, so you don't need to worry about it. I have something to go out right away.Ah no, it's better not to waste mother's rare special soup and order red bean soup.I'm going to start!Would you like a bowl too?This is what my mother specially made!Ah, it's delicious!It feels so luxurious! He didn't pretend at all, and ate happily and deliciously.I also sipped a bit, tasted the soup and then ate the gnocchi only to realize that it wasn't gnocchi but something I didn't know.By no means do I despise their barrenness. (Because I didn't think it was bad at all at the time, and I could deeply understand his mother's intentions. I don't think there is any contempt for poverty even if I feel horrible.) With that bowl of red bean soup and Yin red bean soup Horiki feels happy, I can find out the unpretentious nature of urban people, and the family reality of Tokyo people who clearly distinguish their own people makes me feel that I am the only one who wants to escape from human life regardless of the situation. The idiot will be completely eliminated, and even Horiki will ignore me. In the embarrassment, I can't help but want to record this feeling of loneliness while moving the chopsticks inserted in the red bean soup. Sorry, I have something to do today. Horiki stood up and said while putting on his shirt: I'm so disrespectful, I'm sorry. At this time, Horiki had a female visitor, and his attitude suddenly changed drastically. Horiki suddenly became very lively and said: Ah, I'm so sorry, I was just about to go to your place, but I won't be able to if there are temporary guests. It's okay, please, this way please. I got off my seat cushion in horror, turned it over and pushed it forward, then turned it over and handed it to the woman.Apart from Horiki's cushion, there was only one cushion left in the room for guests to use. The woman is tall and thin.She dragged the cushion aside and sat down near the door. I listened blankly to the conversation between the two men.That woman is from the magazine. It seems that Horiki was asked to draw some illustrations before, and now she wants to take the finished product back. I am in a hurry. I'm alright, finished drawing early, that's all. Then the telegram came in.Horiki read it, with a cheerful expression on his face, and said sinisterly: Tsk!look!How is this going? It was a telegram from Flounder. In short, you should go back quickly!You can also ask me to see you off, but I can't leave now.You, you still look careless when you run away from home Where is the house? Okubo.I blurted out. That is very close to my company. The woman was from Koshu, twenty-eight years old, and lived in Koenji's apartment with her five-year-old daughter.According to her, her husband has been dead for three years. You seem to have had a pretty hard life in the past, clever and poorly worldly. I started to live the life of a jerk.After Shizuko (the female reporter's name) went to work at the magazine office in Shinjuku, my five-year-old daughter named Moko and I obediently stayed to watch the house.Before when her mother was away, I heard that Moko would go to the apartment manager's house to play, but now that I have my clever uncle as a playmate, she looks very happy. A week passed, and I stood there in a daze.A kite stuck to the wires near the apartment window, broken in the blowing spring sand, still clung to the wires, nodding and tapping.Every time I see it, I can't help showing a wry smile, and even dream about it!It's time for nightmares. i want money. how much? A lot of money is also lost, this sentence is true! What nonsense are you talking about?this kind of old Yeah?But, you don't understand!I might just walk away with the money! Which side is poorer?Which side will run away?It's really weird. I want to use the money I earn to buy alcohol, no, cigarettes.When it comes to drawing, I'm better than Horiki! At this time, what emerged in my mind were those self-portraits that Takeichi called monsters in middle school, those masterpieces that were thrown away.Those paintings were lost during several relocations, but I always feel that only those few are truly excellent works.Afterwards, although I tried to paint a lot, they were far from the treasures in my memory, which always made me feel empty and lost in my heart. A glass of leftover absinthe. I quietly describe the sense of loss that can never be made up.At the mention of painting, a glass of leftover absinthe flickers in front of my eyes, and I feel anxious, ah!I want this person to see the paintings, I want her to believe in my drawing skills. Hee hee, what's the matter?Your serious smile is so cute! This is not a joke, it is a fact!Really want you to see those paintings!I am so vainly bored.But suddenly he changed his mind and gave up, saying: It's manga, although there are not many, but when it comes to drawing manga, I can't lose to Horiki. Such deceitful words are more likely to be believed. Really!I also admire it very much!When I see the manga you draw for Moko, I sometimes laugh out loud.Would you like to try it?May I ask the editor-in-chief of our company. That company is a lesser-known monthly magazine for children. Seeing you like this, most women can't help but want to contribute something and are always on tenterhooks, turning out to be a funny expert. Occasionally, a person will look very sullen, which makes women feel itchy. Even if Shizuko can tell me everything and flatter me, but the thought of being a bad boy makes me more and more depressed and lifeless. I have secretly tried to get rid of financial assistance from women , In short, I escaped from Shizuko and lived alone, but I fell into the dilemma of having to rely on Shizuko.After I ran away from home, I was almost always taken care of by this Koshu strong woman, which also caused me to be cautious about Shizuko. Under Shizuko's arrangement, Flounder, Horiki, and Shizuko formed a three-person front, while I was completely insulated from my hometown.I live together with Shizuko openly and aboveboard, relying on Shizuko to run around, my manga unexpectedly made money, and I used the money to buy alcohol and cigarettes, but my worries and depression became more and more serious.Because of this, when I was completely immersed in depression and was drawing the adventures of Kinta and Yuta, a manga serialized by Shizuko Magazine every month, I was moved by the feeling of loneliness because of the sudden surge of homesickness. I couldn't write and wept secretly. Moko was the one who saved me a little bit at that time.Moko was already able to call me Papa without restraint. Dad, it is said that God in heaven will give us anything if we just pray, is that true? That's the kind of prayer I want to pray!I thought to myself. ah!Give me the cold will!Show me the nature of man!Even if a person steps on others to climb up, it is not a crime!Give me a mask of anger! Well, yes!He will give you everything, Moko!But Dad might not get it. Even God terrifies me.I can't believe in God's love, only God's punishment.I have always felt that the only way to bow your head and face the Hall of Judgment is to be whipped by God.I believe in hell, but I can't believe in the existence of heaven. Why can't I get it? Because I didn't listen to my parents. Yeah?But everyone said that Dad is a good man! That's because they were all duped.I know that everyone in this apartment has a good impression of me, but I have to explain to Moko how much I am afraid of everyone. The more I am afraid, the more I am loved by everyone. It is extremely difficult to explain this unfortunate eccentricity. What does Moko want God to give you?I changed the subject carelessly. Me, I want my real dad. Suddenly, I felt dizzy. enemy. Am I Moko's enemy?Or is Moko my enemy?Anyway, there is also a grown-up here who threatens me.stranger!Unfathomable stranger!A stranger full of secrets!Moko looked like this for a split second. I used to think Moko was just a child, but sure enough, she also has the ability to kill people unconsciously.From then on, I also felt that I had to be cautious about Moko. goat!Are you there? Horiki started hanging around me again.Obviously he made me feel so chilled the day I ran away from home, but I didn't refuse and welcomed him with a smile. Your manga is quite popular!Amateurs like you have the stupidity of a newborn calf not afraid of tigers!But, don't be careless!Because sketching needs to be cultivated bit by bit. He had the attitude of a master.If I showed this guy my drawing of youkai, what would his face be like?I tossed my thoughts as usual, and said: Stop talking like that, I'm about to scream. Horiki said more and more complacently: Only the ability to be good at dealing with the world will show its flaws one day! The ability to be good at dealing with the world, I really only have to smile wryly.I?The ability to be good at life?Afraid of people like me, avoiding and covering up, isn't it the same as the cunning and clever motto of living in the world that follows the common saying that more is worse than less? well!Human beings really don't understand each other at all. They misunderstood each other completely and thought they were unique best friends. They didn't realize this in their whole lives until the other party passed away, and mourned with tears streaming down their faces! In short (Horiki must have been asked by Shizuko to reluctantly come to the door), Horiki was the one who watched me walk from beginning to end after I ran away from home.Therefore, he claimed to be my re-created parents, like an old man under the moon, preaching to me from time to time, and sometimes would come to my place drunk to spend the night in the middle of the night or come to borrow five yuan Money to go home (all five dollars). Your habit of flirting with flowers and grass should stop here!If you go too far, you will not be forgiven by the world! What does the so-called world mean?Do you mean the majority?Where is the physical existence of this thing of the world?All the while, I've walked with the idea that it's something powerful, harsh and scary.But the moment Horiki said that The so-called world, isn't it you! The words were on the verge of blurting out from the tip of his tongue, but he thought it would be troublesome to annoy Horiki, so he swallowed the words back. (That is not forgiven by the world!) (It's not the world, it's because you can't understand!) (If this continues, the world will look at you with contempt!) (Not the world! It's you!) (You will soon be abandoned by the world.) (It's not the world! It's you who will abandon me!) you!Learn more about your horror, weirdness, viciousness, treachery, cunning and evil!These words swayed in my mind, but I just wiped the sweat off my face with a handkerchief, and said with a smile: ashamed!ashamed! However, since then, I have had the idea (Isn't the world just a person!) in my heart. After I began to think of the world as a person, I became more able to act by my own will.To paraphrase Jingzi, I became a little willful and no longer obedient.According to Horiki, I became stingy for no reason.From Moko's point of view, she no longer loves her so much. He takes care of Moko silently and sullenly all day long, and draws the adventures of Kim Tae and Yuta, the Master of Freedom (a second-rate work describing a careless father), and the impatient Ah Ping, who even himself doesn't know why he took such a self-defeating title. Serialized comics to cope with the invitations of various magazines (one after another, gradually I was invited by magazines other than Shizuko, but all of them were third-rate publishing houses that were inferior to Shizuko’s company), gloomy and slowly Move the pen (I work at a very slow pace). Now I just draw purely for drinking money, and I will tell Shizuko when she comes back, and then I will drink cheap spirits at roadside stalls or bars near Koenji Station, and return to the apartment with a slightly sulky face. The more I look at it, the more weird your expression is!Actually, Master Zizai's expression was inspired by your sleeping face. I think you look like an old man when you sleep!Looks like a forty-year-old middle-aged man. It's all your fault!Drain me dry!The water passes away, people become thinner, willows by the river, why worry Stop making trouble, and rest early!Still want something to eat? She was very calm and didn't take my noise seriously. Bring wine if you have it.When the water passes to the east, people become thinner Singing and singing, Jingzi helped me take off my clothes, I put my head on Jingzi's chest and fell asleep. This is me normally. Repeating the same thing every day, Following the same routine as yesterday, If violent ecstasy can be avoided, Naturally there will be no grief, In the face of stumbling blocks blocking the future, Toad, will take a detour. When I saw Toshi Ueda translating Charl.(Guy︱Charles Cros, French poet. Embracing the distress of reality with subtle feelings, praising the beauty of pure life through coordinated and orderly poetry.) When I read this verse, my face was so red that it was about to burn. toad! (That’s me. People in the world will not forgive or not forgive me, nor will they abandon me. I am an inferior creature that can’t even be compared to cats and dogs. Toad! I just move around slowly.) My alcohol addiction is getting bigger and bigger.Not only near Koenji Station, but also restaurants in Shinjuku and Ginza, and even sleep out, but I don’t follow the routine anymore, I will pretend to be a rascal in bars, kiss others without authorization, in short, I will change back to The drunkard before he died in love, no, he became even more violent and vulgar than then, when he had no money to spend, he would pawn Shizuko's clothes. It has been more than a year since I came here and looked at the broken kite with a wry smile. The cherry tree has sprouted, and I once again stole Shizuko’s belt and kimono shirt to the pawnshop, exchanged the money and went to Ginza to drink. I spent two days in a row. Living out of bed, on the third night, I still felt sorry, subconsciously tiptoed to the door of Jingzi's apartment, and heard the conversation between Shizuko and Moko from inside. Why do people drink alcohol? Dad!He didn't drink it because he liked it!Because he is a good man, so so Good people can drink? Not so Dad must be terrified. It may or may not be annoying.look!look!It jumped out of the box! It's like a quick-tempered Ah Ping! yes! I heard Jingzi's low, happy laugh from the bottom of her heart. Open a thin door and look inside. It is a little white rabbit, circling around the room lively, and the mother and daughter are chasing after it. (Happy, these people! A fool like me intervening between the two of them will only make a mess of them. Simple happiness, a mother and daughter. Ah! If only God would listen to people like me Just once in my life, just once in my life, if I can feel this happiness! I beg you!) Right now, I want to get down and put my hands together in prayer.Quietly, I closed the door, and I went back to Ginza, and just like that, I never came back to this apartment. I was on the second floor of a bar not far from Kyobashi, where I lived as a gigolo again. the world. I seem to understand something.It's a personal versus personal battle, it's a battle of the moment and it's best won.People will never obey people, even slaves will have slave-like despicable revenge.Therefore, apart from seeking victory or defeat at the moment, people don't need to work hard to survive.With a seemingly high-sounding name, the goal of hard work must be an individual. After surpassing one, there will be another.The incomprehension of the world is the incomprehension of individuals, and the sea does not refer to the world, but to individuals.I was more or less liberated from the fear of the phantom of the sea of ​​people in the world. I also felt that I should not treat people in every way and pay attention to everything as before. I just need to do some shameless behaviors to meet the current needs. I abandoned Koenji's apartment and said to the proprietress of the Kyobashi bar: I broke up. That's all he said.This is enough, enough to win or lose. From this night onwards, I force myself to live on the second floor of this house, but the world, which I should be afraid of, will do no more harm to me, and I will no longer have to justify anything to the world.Whatever the lady boss thinks is fine. Sometimes I look like a customer of that store, sometimes I look like the boss, sometimes I look like an errand runner, and sometimes I look like a relative. From the sidelines, you should think that my existence is very inexplicable!But people in the world don't find it weird at all, even the regular customers in the store know Ah Ye!Ah Ye!He called me, acted very familiar, and offered me a drink. I gradually became less cautious about the world, and began to feel that the world was not so scary. There are so many whooping cough bacteria in the spring breeze, so many molds in public bathhouses that can make your eyes fester, and how many molds in barber shops can make your head bald. Swarms of mange worms squirm on the suspension rings, sashimi and undercooked beef and pork are sure to hide some tapeworm larvae or liver leech eggs, and even walking barefoot can be pierced by small glass shards, and then the shards will die. It circulates in the body and runs to the eyes, causing blindness. Threatened by these so-called scientific superstitions, the sense of fear in my heart is still lingering. Indeed, scientifically speaking, there are so many bacteria floating around. But at the same time, I began to understand that if they were completely erased, they would be nothing more than scientific ghosts that had nothing to do with me and suddenly disappeared.How many bags of rice would be wasted if tens of millions of people couldn’t finish eating the two or three grains of rice left over in the bento box every day!Or if tens of millions of people save a sheet of toilet paper every day, how much pulp can be saved!I am always driven by these scientific statistics, every time I eat a grain of rice, every time I blow my nose, I feel annoyed by the illusion of wasting a mountain of rice and paper pulp in my mind, and I feel like I have committed a heinous crime. . Yet these are scientific lies, statistical lies, mathematical lies.Three grains of rice are not meant to be concentrated. Even as an application problem of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, it is really old and imbecile. The probability of how many people in the pit and passengers will stumble and fall into the gap between the door and the platform of the provincial tram is as stupid as it is. It's not impossible, but I've never heard of a case where someone was injured by falling into a latrine, and I'm terrified to think that I used to embed these hypotheses as if they were scientific facts, thinking they would all happen Shocked, I can't help but find it funny, because I have gradually understood the actual appearance of this world bit by bit. That being said, I am still afraid of things like humans, and even when I meet customers in the store, I have to drink all the wine in my glass in one gulp.They are as terrifying as poisonous snakes and beasts!But when I go to the store every night, I still hold on tightly like a child to a small animal with a little fear in reality, and even drunkenly brag about poor art theories to the customers in the store. cartoonist.well!But I am an unknown cartoonist who has neither ecstasy nor grief.It doesn't matter how much grief there will be afterwards, I just want to taste the violent ecstasy!Although I thought so in my heart, my happiness now is just chatting with customers about boring things, and asking them to buy me a drink. I came to Kyobashi and lived this kind of life for nearly a year. My comics are not only published in children’s magazines, but also in vulgar magazines sold at train stations. same) this foolish anonymity who paints erotic nudes interspersed with verses from the Rubaiyat. ("Rubaiya" is a four-line collection of poems by Persian poet Omar Khayyam. A touch of melancholy is reflected in the sweetness of alcohol, beauties and roses. French poet Fitz︱Gerald Edward, published in 1809︱1883 under translation.) Stop praying in vain, Throw away the tear-inducing factor, Let's have a drink!There is only beauty in my mind, Leave unnecessary worries behind! ◇ Those who threaten others with anxiety and fear, Shocked by the depths of his sin, 死了也要復仇， 他們腦中不停算計著思謀！ ◇ last night 徜徉酒鄉，我心喜悅滿盈， 今晨醒覺，徒留荒涼， Strange!一夜之間， 這份迥異的心情！ ◇ 讓我停止心理作祟， 彷彿遠方傳來陣陣太鼓聲響， 莫名地惴惴不安， 若連蒜皮小事都會被定罪那就沒救啦！ ◇ 正義能成為人生的指針？ 那血流成河的沙場上， 刺客的刀尖中， 又存在了何種正義？ ◇ 指導原則在哪兒？ 睿智之光是何樣？ 美麗中帶著恐怖的浮世， 讓纖弱的人子身負背不完的重擔！ ◇ 因被深植下無能為力的情慾種籽， 淨是在嘴裡咒著善惡罪罰， 無能為力地兀自倉皇， 則源於不被教導過破壞能力與意志！ ◇ Where?怎麼個徬徨失措法？ 何來批判、檢討、重新認識？ ah!空洞的夢、不實的幻影， Hey!都是因為把酒給忘了，才會有這種虛幻的謬思！ ◇ Why not?看看無邊無際的天空吧！ 不過都是滄海一粟， 什麼地球為何自轉？怎麼可能知道？ 自轉、公轉、倒轉，這都是主觀的做法。 ◇ 所到之處，皆感受到至高的力量， 在全國上下整個民族裡， 發現統一的人性， 我，則成了異端！ ◇ 換個角度讀讀古蘭經吧！ 絕對的常識與智慧根本就不存在！ 忍住肉體的喜悅，戒去酒意， never mind!什麼穆聖！最讓我憎惡！ ︱︱ 但此際卻有個叫我戒酒的純真少女。 不行喔！每天從早到晚都醉醺醺的。 是酒吧對面賣香菸小店裡十七、八歲的女孩。我都叫她阿良，皮膚白皙，有著小虎牙。每每我去買菸時，她都會這樣笑著給我忠告。 why not?哪裡不好了？喝點酒就能把人們的憎恨之心給通通消除！在古波斯啊！能給悲傷疲憊的心帶來希望的，只有那隻捎來微醺酒意的玉光杯呢！Do you understand? I don't understand! 妳這丫頭！我要親妳囉！ OK! 她一點也不害臊地噘起嘴來。 Damn it!妳怎不懂矜持啊！ 但從阿良的表情卻清楚地帶著尚未被任何人污玷的純真氣息。 過完年某個寒夜，我爛醉如泥地出門買菸，卻掉進香菸店前的下水道口裡。阿良，救救我啊！我大叫著，阿良拉我起身，照料著我右腕上的傷口。此時，阿良幽幽地道： 喝過頭了吧！語中沒有笑意。 死了倒無所謂，要是受傷流血變成殘廢，那可就麻煩了，我讓阿良幫我裹著傷，腦中則盤算著是否該少喝點酒為妙。 我不喝了，打明兒個開始，我一滴也不碰。 real? 我一定不再喝了。若是戒了，阿良妳會不會嫁給我呢？不過，我嘴裡的婚事卻是說著玩的。 當囉！ 當，這是當然的省略語。還有什麼摩男、摩女（摩登男女的意思）的，這都是那時很流行的省略語。 good!我們來打勾勾吧！我一定戒酒。 然後隔天，我又從早喝到晚了。 傍晚，我出門蹓躂，站在阿良的店門口前。 阿良，對不起啦！又喝酒了！ Oops!Hate!別給我裝醉啦！ 我嚇了一跳，酒都醒了。 不，是真的，我真的喝了酒喔！不是什麼裝醉！ 你別嘲弄我了，真死相！她完全不疑有他。 妳瞧瞧我就知道啦！我又從早喝到晚了！please forgive me! 你演戲演得真好呢！ 不是演的啦！Damn it!我要親你囉！ 你親啊！ 不行，我不夠格，我娶不了妳，看看我的臉，很紅對吧！我喝了酒呢！ 那是夕陽照著你的關係嘛！我很仰慕你，別這樣！不是昨兒個才約好的嗎？怎麼可能會喝酒嘛！我們明明連勾勾都打了！什麼喝酒，都是騙人的啦！ 坐在幽暗角落微笑著的阿良，那張白皙的臉龐，唉，那不知世間醜事的純真氣息是高貴的。 至今，我不曾和比我年幼的處女同榻共枕。結婚吧！就算之後會因此而帶來多大的悲哀也無妨，一生有那麼一次能感受到那猛烈的狂喜也好！我本來一直以為會有什麼純真之美，不過都是傻瓜詩人甜蜜的傷感幻影罷了！但果然還是存在的！結婚後若到了春天，兩人就騎著腳踏車去瞧瞧青葉的瀑布好了！ 我當場打定主意，決定一分勝負，對於採花一事毫不猶豫。 不久，我們便結了婚。從中得到的喜悅未必有多強，但後來面臨的悲痛之大，卻不足以用淒慘兩字形容，遠遠超過實際上的想像。對我而言，這世界果然還是個讓我摸不透的可怕地方，不是這樣一分勝負就可以輕輕鬆鬆地決定要從哪兒開始，從哪兒結束。