Chapter 7 Chapter 3 Nanjing 3

Lao He came back from the farm.Xin Mei saw that his complexion was indeed much darker than in spring, and his body was obviously thinner.He was only in his early forties, but his expression was old, and Xin Mei also suspected that he was in poor health.But Mr. He is a gentle and elegant person, and he doesn't talk much in ordinary times, especially he doesn't like to publicize his illness.Dr. He yelled for him to be hospitalized for a physical examination, but he still seemed embarrassed. I just have a stomachache, nothing else. When he talked about his health to the newlyweds, he blamed his wife for her carelessness.Xin Mei believes that he is too tired raising pigs on the farm, and he should recover after a good rest.

Two days later, their eldest son, Feifei, was sent back by his grandmother himself.So after being separated for two years, the He family, like the Tao family, reunited again.After all, Xiao He is a doctor with high professional vigilance.Only two days after Feifei arrived home, she forced her husband to be sent to a worker's hospital. On the morning when Lao He was admitted to the hospital, Xin Mei watched the couple go out talking and laughing.In the evening, she opened the door to get the coal base, and it happened that Dr. He was off work.I saw her with a black face like an iron pot, and she was dragging her heavy steps upstairs.

What's wrong with Lao He?Xin Mei hurriedly inquired. Not sure yet.Doctor He's tone was unexpectedly weak and dull. With that said, she had already climbed up the stairs.It was only one step away from her own house, but she couldn't wait, reached out and climbed the railing, and leaned on it.Xin Mei thought she was tired from working overtime, so she quickly stepped forward to help her. He is probably a tumor. Dr. He looked downcast and lost his usual optimism and confidence. Our internal medicine director personally saw it, and then asked the surgeon to come for consultation.The liver was so swollen that I could even touch it.It is as big as a biscuit, and even a person lying flat can see a protruding hillock.Alas, I was too negligent!It's so serious, it's definitely not a one-day or two-day thing, but he himself only treats it as a stomach problem.I'm not by his side, otherwise I could have found out earlier.Since it is suspected to be a tumor, of course we can't wait and have an operation tomorrow morning.ah!Xiao Xin, what should I do!

After Dr. He finished speaking, tears rolled down, and two streams of tears burst out of Yuanpan's face immediately. Xin Mei was shocked when she heard that it was a tumor, but now she tried to comfort her calmly: Be optimistic, Dr. He, I believe it is a benign tumor.Even if it is malignant, it is not too late to find out now, and it will be fine if you cut it off. late!late!Dr. He put his head on Xin Mei's shoulder and cried. Her concerns were not exaggerated.The operation was performed the next day, and it was discovered that Lao He had liver cancer, and the entire liver had been swallowed up and turned into a piece of bean curd.Liver cancer is a terminal disease, not to mention the cancer cells have spread to the organs of the whole body.Helpless, the doctor sewed up the wound on the spot, predicting that he could live another three months.

Poor Dr. He, in front of the thunderbolt from the blue sky, was crying behind his back and almost breathless.She kept her husband from knowing the truth, colluded with doctors and nurses to hide it from him, and only said that it was hepatomegaly, which could be eliminated by taking medicine, so that he could be hospitalized with peace of mind.Feifei's grandmother has high blood pressure, so she can't bear to be frightened the most.Dr. He took great pains to collude with a relative, and sent a telegram saying that there was an urgent matter to be done in Hunan, and urged the old lady to go home.The two children only knew that their father was recuperating in the hospital and had to visit him every day, but they didn't know anything else.Feifei continued to go to elementary school; Maomao was immediately sent to kindergarten, and Tao Lian was led by the freshmen every morning.

The news of Lao He's liver cancer spread quickly throughout the school.Surprised, everyone expressed regret and sympathy.In the past few years, Lao He was not in school, and everyone almost forgot about him.Now no one does not talk about his good points; everyone praises his good learning, never complains, and never offends others.Not only people from the leadership went to the hospital to see him, but many teachers from the Department of Mechanics also went to see him.His colleagues in the hydraulics teaching and research group also organized to visit the hospital in batches every day to help the nurses take care of him.Lao He has been in the water courtyard for more than 20 years, and he has never received so much care and care, and he was very moved for a while.

One day, when Xin Mei went to see him, she met the branch committee member of the Department of Mechanics and Master Luo got up to say goodbye.After they left, Lao He said to her with wet eyes: The leader is so kind, he came to see me in person, it really makes me feel sorry!This time when I got sick, I realized that the organization cared so much for me. I was in the pig shed before and thought they had forgotten me.I have to strive to be discharged from the hospital as soon as possible, compile a good set of teaching materials, and take practical actions to repay the care of the organization.

Xin Mei vaguely responded, feeling deeply moved.She couldn't bear to tell Lao He: The leadership and the organization really care about you. It should have come to a fair conclusion on your political issues and transferred you from the pig shed early. Why wait until two years later? She didn't have much knowledge about cancer, so she didn't dare to judge blindly, but she couldn't get rid of a question mark in her mind: If the old man didn't go to northern Jiangsu for three years, would he still have this disease? She kept thinking about how to help Dr. He.Since her husband was hospitalized, Dr. He has to take care of the patient's diet and daily life outside of work. He has been busy day and night, leaving all the children in the family to his grandmother.After grandma left, Xinmei and grandma went to take care of her from time to time.Once, she specifically told Dr. He that she was under pressure and was afraid that she would not be able to hire a nanny for a long time.The latter immediately understood her intentions.

From now on, if there is no man in my family, I will definitely find an old man to help.Grandma Xiaoye is so loyal and reliable, she can't be found even after lighting a lantern.Let's do this, the two of us please.In this way, everyone saves money, and it is not counted as long-term employment if they talk about it, and there are fewer charges of exploiting other people's labor. Xin Mei told Xin Xin her idea, and discussed it with grandma, and everyone was happy.So, from mid-December, grandma went back to live with relatives.She came to Tao's house to work in the morning, and made lunch for Feifei at noon.If Xin Mei came home early in the afternoon, she would go to He's house to help out as early as possible, and eat dinner there.Grandma has changed from a long-term worker to a short-term worker who commutes to and from get off work. The food wages are not short, and she can sleep soundly at night, and she feels very satisfied.Xin Mei didn't find it hard to cook dinner, the child stayed at home as usual, and the He family was taking care of her, so she was very happy.

Lao He's illness quickly took a turn for the worse.After the operation, his physical strength did not recover, his appetite disappeared day by day, and he suffered from liver pain. He had to rely on injections for pain relief.After two weeks, he was so thin that only a layer of skin remained.On the morning of New Year's Day, he asked to go home to recuperate.The doctor disagreed, saying that it was inconvenient to take painkiller injections.He was silent for a long time.In the afternoon, grandma took Feifei and Maomao to see him, and saw that he was not joking like he used to, but just stared at the child silently, with tears in his eyes.

On January 5, Lao He passed away and spent a total of twenty-nine days in the hospital.Before he died, his wife and colleagues asked him what he wanted to explain.He looked at her for a while and said: No. Dr. He was so sad that she lost her voice that day; all she had was silent sobbing and tears all over her face.Sorrow and fatigue have eroded her plump cheeks, and the smiling face that used to be in full bloom with peonies now only remains the damage and emaciation after the severe frost.Xin Mei wept sadly for her, and was afraid that she would be overwhelmed, so she went to chat with her every night, hoping to divert her thoughts away.Dr. He insisted on talking about her husband, as if regretting that the time together was too short in the past, and now that life and death are separated, it all depends on nostalgia to make up for this unfinished relationship.Struggling under the shadow of death for four weeks, once her husband was freed from the eternal pain, Dr. He only cried for one day, and then he seemed to vent his grief.From then on, she appeared unusually calm and never shed tears for the dead. She expressed her regret to Xin Mei only once: I should not have agreed to the operation.If there is no surgery, he can still spend a few months of quiet life with us and have a few good words. Xin Mei tried her best to comfort her, telling her not to torture herself.She only had a faint wry smile, noncommittal. On the eve of the cremation, she suddenly said to Xin Mei: The May 7th Road is harmful to people.I figured it out, Chairman Mao's May 7th road killed people! Such open accusations against Mao Zedong made Xin Mei's eyes widen in fright.She suspected that she had heard wrong, or that the other party was insane. Dr. He calmly added a few words: Without the May 7th road, why should a good teacher be sent to the countryside to raise pigs for three years?If he had been at home, his condition would never have progressed so quickly. Xin Mei could not refute her accusation, and comfort and persuasion were purely superfluous at this time.She could only hold her friend's hand tightly, and whispered: Everyone knows, but you have to say a few words less. In the funeral home of the crematorium, all the faculty and staff of the Department of Mechanics attended, and Comrade Hu Fei also attended the salute ceremony.The head of the hydraulics team also served as the driver, and read the eulogy on behalf of the school, praising the deceased for his serious teaching, active labor, and contribution to socialist construction. When Xin Mei heard that she had made a contribution, the tone of the final conclusion was low, and she felt uncomfortable for a while.She thought, people are already dead, so why be so harsh?Taking a peek at the widow standing in front of him, the latter showed no emotion, with his head held high, cheekbones protruding from his face, sharp edges and corners, and calm and stubborn.When queuing up to bid farewell to the corpse, Xin Mei tilted her head to stare at her father when she saw Feifei, but Mao Mao followed the person blankly, as if she didn't know that it was her father lying beside her.The child's indifference and ignorance deepened Xinmei's emotions, and the tears could no longer be held back, so they just let them fall one after another. After the memorial ceremony, the school notified Dr. He: In addition to giving a pension of 600 yuan, the school also gave each of Fei Fei 12 yuan for living expenses every month, which can be received until they are eighteen years old.A week later, the hydraulics teaching and research group gathered a few more teachers, and the school sent a bus to accompany Dr. He to a cemetery in the suburbs to bury the ashes.Out of close neighbors' friendship, Xin Mei went to the cemetery with the mother and son of the He family when there was no class in the afternoon. Xin Mei was very familiar with the hillside cemetery in her hometown when she was a child, and later she also saw many grassy urban cemeteries in the United States, but this is the first time she has entered a cemetery in New China, and she feels very novel.On the large enclosed land, not far from the entrance is the office and reception room. Flowers and evergreen shrubs are planted outside, which are neatly trimmed.Near the building, there is a cemetery surrounded by shrubs, about the size of two swimming pools, half of which has been taken up.Concrete covers are lined up on the ground, where the ashes are stored, and tombstones are erected on each; the tombstones vary in size, and some inscriptions are even coated with gold powder; where there are no tombstones and cement, there is a piece of loess. Dr. He was holding the urn, Xin Mei was leading her child, and the two took the lead to follow the cemetery workers carrying the shovel.After passing through the cement-covered cemetery, they saw rows of loess mounds in front of them, like chess pieces arranged so densely that they couldn't see the edge at a glance.This is an old Chinese steamed bun tomb, waist height, and a piece of earthy yellow paper is pressed on the top with a clod of soil with a flat head and a pointed bottom.Some of the yellow paper has disappeared, some are broken, and the newly pressed yellow paper is shaking in the north wind, giving people a sense of precarity and desolation.There are no tombstones, and each grave is exactly the same.Xin Mei guessed that apart from relying on the number, it is almost impossible to remember who was buried where. Perhaps this is the true state of Datong, which is truly selfless and selfless!When she was in the countryside, she saw that some farmers had graves in their fields and in front of their homes, covered with green grass, not exposed to the sun like in the cemetery.Staring at the mounds of loess, she felt that death was not only sad, but also ugly and humble. Why is it buried here? After taking two steps, Dr. He suddenly stopped, turned around and asked the deceased's colleague sharply. They didn't dare to agree, avoiding her sharp eyes one by one. Why not be buried in the concrete cover you just walked by?How much is the difference?she asked again. Because everyone in the school was silent, the cemetery worker kindly explained to her that it was buried for cadres and overseas Chinese, or those who died on duty.Only a letter of introduction from the unit is required. Without a letter of introduction, even if you have money, you will not be buried. Dr. He held the urn tightly in his arms. Can't be buried here!Lao He is an eighth-level lecturer, equal to a mid-level cadre, and can be buried in a concrete field! The water courtyard never issued a letter of introduction, the cemetery refused to accommodate, and the widow was stubborn.After arguing for a long time with no results, Dr. He took the ashes home with a dark face.During the quarrel, Xin Mei found out the reason why the school did not issue a letter of introduction.The problem is said to be his political review. The unresolved case of his membership in the Sanqingtuan cannot be regarded as clean or his history is clear, so the deceased cannot be given the political treatment he deserved. In the evening, Xinmei told her husband what she had seen and heard at the cemetery during the day.Both sighed, sympathizing with the widow and feeling worthless for the dead. We are not even eighth-level lecturers, Xin Mei said regretfully, the future will be the fate of that loess pile! The new student bowed his head in thought for a while, and suddenly asked his wife seriously: Amei, if I go one step ahead of you, please keep my ashes.In the future, it will be sprinkled on the Jialing River, and it must not be buried in the soil. Xin Mei thought about it, this kind of home is actually better than a pile of steamed buns. If I die before you, she will also plan the funeral. You can take my ashes back to Taiwan and scatter them in Dadu Creek. I will never be buried in Nanjing or Sichuan. It's a deal.The freshman agreed very readily. Xin Mei felt a little unlucky when he suddenly talked about the affairs behind him.Especially the serious look on the freshman's face always made her feel a little uncomfortable.She immediately changed the subject and talked about school trifles. You know about pony not going to college, freshman?Everyone said he was a monster, who read books all day long, but didn't want to go to college if he had the opportunity, so the school had to report a cook in the cafeteria to him.As a result, Nantah was selected by the province, and the winner is said to be a laboratory analyst. While listening, the freshmen took out their cigarettes and matches, put their feet on the desk, and silently lit and smoked. It's really boring, Xin Mei complained, after a long time, the teachers' children just don't have a share!There are tens of thousands of employees in five universities, but only one student quota is allocated. Do you think Jiangsu Province is stingy? The freshman just oh and didn't comment.He puffed out smoke rings silently, as if listening to her with only one ear. Xin Mei wanted to make use of the topic, so she just kept talking: Chairman Mao's revolutionary line continues, Tao Lian and the others don't miss university!I have studied for eighteen years, but today it seems useless, so whether or not I study in college is really not a big deal, but whether I am allowed to study is a matter of principle.Tao Lianguang was deprived of the right to study because he was our son. It is really unfair!Reluctant to read and not allowed to read are two different things, and they are essentially different. She still wanted to continue playing, but when she saw that the freshman didn't respond, her enthusiasm was cut in half.Recently, the less the new students talk, the more they smoke cigarettes, and they often have to go to the street to buy cigarettes.She had to remind her husband that, according to statistics, smoking leads to lung cancer.He just smiled wryly and continued to smoke his cigarette.The room is often filled with smoke, and the smell of smoke lingers for a long time, and you can smell it as soon as you enter.She sometimes felt dizzy, and believed it was the stimulation of the smell of cigarettes, but she still couldn't bear to speak out. The freshman's depression is naturally related to Li Yongzhong's case.Every time she thought of this, she couldn't help praying in her heart: Li Yongzhong, try to free yourself quickly!Every day your case goes away, freshmen will be under pressure and isolated every day! Lately, she's felt herself being involved.Walking on campus, she found people staring at her more than once.She wishes she was allergic.Allergies or not, the mental stress made her restless.Originally, she often asked freshmen about Yongzhong, but recently she was reluctant to mention him.But Yongzhong's name has long since turned into air, invisible but ubiquitous. I have a colleague who will come to Nanjing for sightseeing these two days. Xinxin suddenly spoke, as if talking to himself, without looking at his wife.Just as he finished smoking a cigarette, he squeezed out the butt and lightly threw it into the broken bowl. your classmate?How do you know?who is that?Xin Mei was pleasantly surprised, and continued to ask. Our team leader told me today.Mai Zhixin, my classmate from National Taiwan University, you haven't seen him.After he arrived in the United States, he changed his studies to aviation. I heard that it was not going well. He changed several schools, and we lost contact.He is probably teaching at an American university now, and the team leader keeps talking about Professor Mai, who is also a returned scholar, and respects him very much. Great!We can see the appearance of returning scholars.Are we going to see him someday or is he coming to see us? The freshman glanced at her, and said slightly apologetically: No one looks at anyone, I have already refused to meet him. Xin Mei was taken aback.Why? The freshman didn't answer, and reached out for a cigarette first. Since returning to Nanjing, Xin Mei's desire to contact foreign countries has become stronger and stronger.Finally had an opportunity, but was ruined by a word from the freshman.She looked at the cigarette corpses and soot piled up in the broken bowl, and felt that the glimmer of hope she had just ignited turned into ashes in an instant, and she suddenly felt annoyed. why didn't you tell me sooner?She blames the new students.What do you lose by meeting us once?Old classmate, it's so unreasonable!Don't you want to transfer to Sichuan?It may be several times better for a returned scholar to say something for you than for you to write a letter to Premier Zhou yourself! Seeing that Xin Mei was angry, Xin Xin's face was full of shame.After he lit his cigarette, he quickly explained softly: I myself don't want to see outsiders, but today I found out that the leader doesn't want us to see these foreign guests either.The group leader kept saying that he respected my opinion, and it was up to me whether I saw it or not.In addition, he emphasized that the schedule of foreign guests is very tight, there are many projects to visit, and time is precious. He also said that we are engaged in sports, education reform, and compilation of teaching materials, and the tasks are very tight.Obviously, he hoped that I would not see Mai Zhixin. Since it was the school's intention, Xin Mei had nothing to say.It's just that she felt very sorry, as if Pingkong was bound by hands and feet, restricting her movements.This made her depressed for two or three days. Wuqi Farm has to rotate a group of teachers every three months.A batch just left in early January, and the next batch will be from April to June, and candidates have already begun to be considered.Because of the heavy teaching tasks in the foreign language group, only one teacher is sent to work each time.Candidates are discussed among teachers and finally approved by the department.Xin Mei has publicly stated that she is willing to go this summer.She didn't want to affect the teaching. In addition, the freshmen were at home during the summer vacation, just to take care of the children.From July to September is the busy season for farming. Farm work is the heaviest and most difficult, and people avoid it for fear of not being able to make it. She was willing to go, and naturally gave in. The team leader has already nodded in agreement.Wang Degui signed up to go in April because he was afraid that he would be squatting on the farm during the summer harvest. However, during the regular meeting on Wednesday afternoon, the team leader suddenly announced: In order to better arrange teaching and labor, we must carefully arrange candidates for the next batch of farms.The May 7th Road is Chairman Mao's great strategic plan and a necessary measure to oppose revisionism and prevent revisionism. Its importance is far above teaching.The department has always taken seriously who went to the May 7th Cadre School, treating it as a political task.For the candidate in April, the leader has already met with our team leader, and it is initially decided to send Comrade Xin Mei to the foreign language team.Regarding this decision in the department, everyone can discuss it to see if there is any objection.Xiaoxin himself can also express his opinions, and if he has any specific difficulties, he can also bring them up for everyone to help discuss and solve them. This new decision surprised not only Xinmei, but also the people in the group.Since the matter only involved Xin Mei, the others were too happy to open their mouths.The team leader spoke in a pleasant manner, and his tone left room for discussion.But since she raised who to send as a political task, and said that it was more important than attending classes, no one could hear that this was clearly appointed by the higher authorities and could not be refuted.Xin Mei glanced at Wang Degui.He immediately raised his eyebrows and made a dumbfounding expression, as if telling Xin Mei: It's not me who made trouble, maybe it's unlucky to send me to work in summer! Xin Mei immediately expressed her attitude: I have no difficulties myself, and I am very happy to go to the May 7th road earlier. Seeing that Xin Mei agreed very readily, the group leader became more polite and asked hypocritically, "Are you really able to walk away?"Think carefully about it first, we will never force any comrades.You must be concerned about what to do with your three English classes. Don't worry, everyone will take the class for you.Lao Guo can take the lead in two classes, and the other class is going to let Lao Wang take the lead.He has been auditing your teaching for a whole semester, so there should be no problem with his succession.But what about your own home?I heard that you have switched to a part-time job, so, can Lao Tao lead the two children at night?If you have any difficulties, just bring them up, and I will report them to the department for you! After hearing what the team leader said in one breath, Xin Mei even investigated the matter of switching to part-time labor in her own family. It can be seen that the whole arrangement was planned in advance.The team leader's concession was just to set out a few words she was actively fighting for.She didn't want to satisfy her, so she just replied lightly: "No problem." In fact, the problem should be the team leader.There are few English teachers, and the team leader thought it was a dead end, so he promoted Wang Degui to teach sophomore English.He is popular in politics, but it is a pity that the English pronunciation symbols are still unclear. He can only make simple sentences in English, and he hesitates to make compound sentences.Appointing teachers in this way is a typical example of emphasizing politics, which is in line with Mao Zedong's dogma that people's factors come first.She thought of her students and her favorite Lin Weidong, and secretly sighed for them.Wang Degui was incapable of teaching, and Guo Yingsheng never had the guts to teach the students alone. Lin Weidong was about to sacrifice three months of English learning.This year's college students have long stipulated that they only study English until the sophomore year.With only three months to go, Xin Mei felt very regretful that she could not finish teaching them from beginning to end. She couldn't figure out why she had to be transferred early?Maybe the school is not satisfied with its own teaching methods, which is the only thing she wants.The school can't stand her restoring many of the revisionist education lines of Liu Shaoqi and Deng Xiaoping's era, such as examinations, exemption from courses, and extracurricular tutoring. She took the lead and transferred her halfway, which can eradicate part of her influence.After the mid-term exam this semester, many students failed in English and asked to be exempted from the course. This caused the school a headache, and it took a while to calm down.Colleagues in the group once joked that this was caused by Xin Mei's bad example first. Xin Mei finished the meeting silently, thinking about her own concerns.After the meeting, she walked down the building and met Zhao Ping at the stairs.Since each returned to the teaching and research group, there are fewer opportunities to meet each other, and the meeting is very cordial.Zhao Ping didn't have a car, so Xin Mei pushed the car and walked with her back to the dormitory, so they could chat along the way. The two exchanged a few pleasantries first, and then Zhao Ping asked Xin Mei in a low voice: How is your old Tao? Old Tao?Same old.Xin Mei answered casually. She thought that Zhao Ping was so polite, and even greeted Tao Xinsheng specially.In fact, the two teaching and research groups of Mathematics and Mechanics are close to each other. Zhao Ping has more chances to meet freshmen at school than Xin Mei.Reciprocating courtesy, Xin Mei also greeted her husband: How is your wife?Is there any news about the job transfer? Just like the result every time she asked, Zhao Ping sighed first.It's not the same.I don't think I can transfer to Sichuan in my life! Why, didn't you say last time that you have found a female technician in an iron factory who is willing to swap with you? Don't mention it, it hurts to mention it!After half a year, I received a letter from my wife on New Year's Day, saying that her work unit suddenly refused to let her go, so let's brag! it's a pity!But don't be discouraged, Xin Mei sincerely cheers her up, keep up the good work, and find someone to transfer again. Zhao Ping looked up to the sky and let out a long sigh, like the cry of Wang Yan who had lost her group, it sounded very sad. Don't count on it, Xiao Xin.I am forty-four years old this year, and if I waste a few more years like this, I will reach retirement age in a blink of an eye.What's the point of mixing together an old woman? It was the first time she heard Zhao Ping confide her thoughts frankly, and Xin Mei was very moved.She turned her face to look at her companion.Sure enough, time is not forgiving, Zhao Ping has crow's feet engraved on the corners of her eyes, her skin is dry and yellow, her hair is dull, and her sluggish eyes can't find the shadow of youth and vitality.Before, Xin Mei only knew how to admire Zhao Ping's honesty and perseverance, but never put herself in her shoes to experience the loneliness in her heart.Just think about it a little bit, 365 days a year, Zhao Ping spends more than 300 days sleeping alone in bed, thinking of people far away, just this Xin Mei makes her feel sad for her.Zhao Ping's situation reminded her of her husband's transfer to Sichuan, and she decided to reveal her thoughts to him. Teacher Zhao, let me tell you one thing, I believe you will keep it secret for me.We also want to transfer to Sichuan. So, she told the whole story of her determination to be a freshman and her letter to the State Department. Zhao Ping's face turned serious when she heard the letter writing section.At this time, the two had already walked out of the school gate.Instead of going back on Hankou Road, Zhao Ping led Xin Mei to Xikang Road, took a long detour and went back through the back door of the dormitory.Xin Mei understood her intention and happily pushed the cart to follow her. Zhao Ping looked around for Lao Tao's letter and saw that no one was watching or following them, so she went on to say: 80% of them can't leave Jiangsu Province! Why?Xin Mei asked strangely.He registered. What is the use of registration?Double registration is useless!How many people wrote to Premier Zhou, how many do you think will reach him? Xin Mei never thought that the letter might be lost, so she froze for a moment.Checking letters is an open secret, but is it too much to openly seize the letters of important people?She looked suspiciously at her companion. The post office saw that the recipient of the letter was Zhou Enlai, and immediately sent it to the Public Security Bureau.Zhao Ping's tone was very positive.Don't you believe it?Let me give you an example.During the three-year difficult period, many people in Anhui Province wrote letters to Chairman Mao and Premier Zhou to report the truth, and all the letters were withheld by the provincial party committee.Li Baohua of the Provincial Party Committee is still a well-known good cadre, and Anhui people call him Li Qingtian.At the climax of the Cultural Revolution, he was scolded, and the matter was revealed.Some people got into trouble shortly after the letter was sent, but they were kept in the dark until Li Baohua's downfall, and they didn't know that they had suffered the loss of writing to the central government. Xin Mei listened, her heart couldn't help but hang higher and higher.She began to regret her lack of consideration for not stopping the freshman from writing, but instead encouraging him to do so.If the letter can't get out of Jiangsu Province, where will it end up now?She wondered if she would also fall into the Provincial Public Security Bureau.The Public Security Bureau is an unlucky term, and Xin Mei's heart shudders when she thinks of it.What measures will the Public Security Bureau take?The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. Teacher Zhao, do you think the school will know? Zhao Ping hesitated for a moment, then nodded and said: It is very possible. Oops! Xin Mei panicked, stopped quickly, and cried out to Zhao Ping. Now offend the water courtyard!In Lao Tao's letter, he didn't mean to blame the Water Institute, but he asked to be transferred, and said that the major was wrong. The school might think that we were dissatisfied with the status quo, and it was a disguised complaint! Zhao Ping frowned and remained silent, and Xin Mei became more and more convinced that her analysis was correct.She recalled the fact that the team leader had notified her to leave the farm early, and she became even more suspicious that this was a punitive action taken by the school for this matter.She told Zhao Ping what she thought. Look, does it matter? Zhao Ping wasn't sure.I'm not sure, but it's true that many people are talking about Lao Tao these days. oh?What are they talking about?Xin Mei had the cheek to inquire. I haven't figured it out yet, so it's not easy to spread it.It seems that he suddenly became interested in his family background. I heard that he is an officer of the Kuomintang or something. I'd better listen carefully before telling you. Zhao Ping suddenly refused to speak out of the desire to calm down the matter.She was willing to reveal some personal words, which was already out of line considering her always honest and non-provoking disposition, Xin Mei was too embarrassed to press her further. There was nothing wrong with Lao Tao's father being a colonel of the Kuomintang during his lifetime. Xin Mei simply explained Xin Xin's family background clearly, but when Xin Xin was three years old, he was beaten to death by the Communist Party.His mother came from a landlord family in Sichuan and died when he was five years old.He was brought up by his aunt, who was a widow when she was young and taught drawing in middle school. Unexpectedly, Lao Tao's background was so bleak that he was an orphan since he was a child.With a family background like his, it is really rare and even more admirable to be able to automatically return to China to participate in socialist construction! Zhao Ping's sincere tone gave Xin Mei a lot of comfort.Xin Xin is quite taboo about his family background, he doesn't mention it easily, and even Xin Mei keeps his mouth shut.After arriving in Nanjing, except for the detailed account in his autobiography, the new student only disclosed the details to Li Yongzhong among his colleagues.In the household registration booklet and the countless forms that he has to fill out every day, in the column of family composition, he has always filled in the Kuomintang military officer.Xin Mei knew that the origin of the freshmen sounded scary at first, and seemed downright reactionary, but if they were analyzed historically and comprehensively, he would win respect.Zhao Ping's reaction strengthened her confidence. But why talk about his family background for no reason?Who threw the material? Xin Mei was puzzled, but she didn't dare to ask Zhao Ping.It happened that the two had already walked to the back door of the dormitory, so they couldn't talk much, so they chatted a little and broke up with each other. When she came home, grandma had already washed the rice and vegetables for her, and she was just waiting for her to make dinner by herself.Tao Ye sat alone on the floor basking in the sun, with a pile of building blocks beside him.He grabbed a pencil end in his hand and scribbled on a piece of paper. He was so focused that his mother didn't even notice when she entered the door.Every time Xin Mei saw a child scribbling, she subconsciously became nervous, so she hurried over to see what he scribbled.Fortunately, Xiaoye only played with drawing large and small circles on the cigarette box paper his father discarded.To be careful, Xin Mei picked up the child, kissed the little face to make him talk, and quietly snatched the end of the pencil off.How many times has she told grandma not to play with pencils for children, for fear that scribbling will cause political problems.But the old man dotes on Xiaoye and only keeps him in the ear.She knew it wouldn't work any more, and seeing that it was getting late, she urged her grandma to go to He's house to do something. When grandma was about to leave the house, she suddenly asked Xin Mei hesitantly: "Is there any news about their family's burial?" Xin Mei shook her head: Who knows how long it will take?The department pushed it to the courtyard, and the courtyard pretended to be deaf and dumb, but refused to send a letter of introduction.The whole school is about to take the big exam, and no one cares about it. The urn was always on the chest of drawers, and when I looked at it, I felt fluffy all over my body, and it will be Chinese New Year in a blink of an eye, what a crime! The old man is superstitious, and Xin Mei sympathizes. Grandma, don't look there.Another day, I will hint to Dr. He and ask her to store it first. You speak up earlier.The old man muttered a few more words before taking him out the door. Xin Mei sighed softly, knowing that it would be useless to speak sooner or later.Dr. He has been very stubborn recently, and he intends to stick to the end with Shuiyuan.She put the urn in the most conspicuous place at the entrance, saying that she would rather keep it at home and stay together day and night if she did not bury it according to the regulations stipulated by the state.Some people in the dormitory are already discussing: so stubborn, so that the ashes of the dead cannot be buried in time, how can they be at ease?But Dr. Ho turned a deaf ear.Xin Mei felt that her stubbornness was well-founded, so she never wanted to persuade her on the issue of ashes. When the freshman led Tao Lian in, Xin Mei had already put all the food on the table.Tao Lian's cheeks were blown by the wind until they looked like they had been painted with rouge, they were bright red, but his nose was so cold that it was runny again.He was hungry when he got home, wiped his nose with one hand, and stretched the other hand into the vegetable bowl after playing dirty in the kindergarten.Tao Ye immediately gave a warning.The freshman escorted Tao Lian to wash his hands, and the family of four sat down to eat. Xin Mei told Xin Xin about going to the farm in April.This was completely beyond his expectation, and he was stunned for a while holding his job. I probably saw that you were at home, so it was my turn to go down to work.Xin Mei deliberately said it lightly. Xinsheng frowned slightly, pondered for a while before saying: I'm afraid it's not that simple, Amei.It seems that my business has affected you. When Xin Mei heard what he was talking about about me, she didn't know if it meant Li Yongzhong's trouble or writing a letter to Zhou Enlai.She wanted to speak out Zhao Ping's warning, but because Tao Lian was by her side, she had no choice but to hold it in her stomach.Tao Lian was over five years old, he seemed to understand half-understood, and he spoke freely, so he had to be careful when speaking in front of him.Ever since Feifei caused trouble for his father, the parents of these neighboring families have learned from it and dare not be careless in front of their children. I would rather go to work, she told the freshman, but she just couldn't bear to part with these three classes.Changing teachers halfway is the worst thing for students.Because of the influence of life, I have not gone to work for two years. It is better to leave earlier, so as not to be gossiped and thought that I do not like to work. Labor can exercise the body, which is actually a good thing.Freshmen try to explain in a better way. Labor is not terrible, Xinmei agrees, what is terrible is using it as a means of punishment, resulting in forced labor.Because we are stinky intellectuals, we deserve to use labor to reform our minds for the rest of our lives. Isn't this an idealistic means of punishment? The freshman glanced at Tao Lian, interrupted and said: Tao Lian will be a worker in the future, and work hard for the rest of his life. I want to be a PLA!Tao Lian refused to compromise. The parents just looked at each other silently, and had no intention of trying to persuade the child. Kindergarten has a long nap time, and Tao Lian took a lot of naps at noon, so he didn't feel sleepy at night.With something on her mind, Xin Mei wanted to send the two brothers to bed early.Tao Ye was very obedient, washed his hands and feet, and obediently went to bed.Tao Lian refused to go to bed early, he ran from the east room to the west room, just to avoid the job of washing feet, forcing his mother to follow after him.As soon as the child ran, he couldn't help making footsteps.The people downstairs were not polite, and immediately protested by knocking on the ceiling with a broom stick.The new student is thin-skinned, and he is embarrassed to hear the floor beeping under his feet.He immediately reprimanded him with a stern face, and Tao Lian obediently washed his feet and went to bed. Xin Mei put the child down, went back to her room, and saw the new student sitting there sulking. The next time we move, he said to his wife: Never live upstairs! Xin Mei didn't blame him for being annoyed.It has only been three short months since he came home, and the ceiling has been knocked several times downstairs.她自己也很不舒服，幸好習慣了這種騷擾，減少些難堪。 這兩天樓下是特別挑剔。她壓下自己的厭煩，倒過來仍柔聲勸慰：你剛回來那一陣子，倒是相安無事的。老病號呀，肯定是白天沒事睡過頭，晚上睡不著，所以容易冒火。 新生不吭氣，掏了香烟抽起來。辛梅樂得不再提樓下的事，走過去把窗簾拉上。她又把房門也關上，這才坐在床沿，把下午趙萍的話一五一十地說給新生聽。原以為新生會吃一驚的，卻發現他照抽他的菸，只不過濃眉深鎖，眼光固定在破碗上，這是他思維掙扎的唯一表示。 你看，學校是不是對我們生氣？她急問：他們說不定把你求調的事情看成是變相告狀。突然把我調去農場，也許就是給我們一種警告。 新生不回答辛梅的問題，卻扔了只抽到一半的香菸，忽地站起身。他雙手插腰，低了頭在床前的空地來回踱步。臉上有如雷雨前的天空，黑壓壓一片。最近，他在家裏簡直像啞巴一樣，輕易不開口。辛梅料是何家的喪事影響了他的情緒，並不放在心上。但是眼前明明自家出了事，他還半天不開口，她就著急了。 你坐下來好嗎？她央求他：看你走來走去我覺得頭痛呢！你說說看呀，信要是出不了江蘇省，今後我們怎麼辦？ 她焦急的口氣到底煞住他的腳步。他盯著辛梅瞧，眼神抑鬱又遲疑不定，好像心事重重，一時不知從何說起似的。 阿梅，我真的不知道哪個影響哪個。 他回答的聲調低沉的近乎耳語。 我自己也在挨整。 辛梅不懂他挨整的意義，一時仰了臉望著他發呆。新生略為猶豫了一下，就伸手去掏棉襖的內層口袋。他取出兩張折疊好的紙，攤開後遞給辛梅。 這是副稿，我的書面檢討。 書面檢討？ 辛梅聽到檢討兩字，心裏猛地一緊，竟忘了伸手去接。 You see. 他把紙放在書桌上，回頭反剪了雙手，又在空地上來回踱步。 辛梅急忙走過來，顧不得坐下，就彎了腰，湊著檯橙的光亮看這兩張副稿。 我的檢討 最近駱師傅找我談過幾次，組裏的同志也幫助我檢查來水院以後的思想動態。我非常感激駱師傅的關心和同志門的幫助。 由於我出身反動家庭，在蔣幫統治下的臺灣成長，自幼即接受資產階級的教育，及長又赴美國鍍金，從美帝國主義那裏受到個人自由主義的浸染，因而一向脫離人民，脫離群眾，無從理解廣大人民群眾熱愛偉大領袖毛主席的心情，以致犯了下列三條罪狀。這三條罪狀，經過駱師傅和同志們的指點和分析，使我知道雖然是一時衝口而出的言論，但充分反映出我的資產階級世界觀。我雖然已回國多年，經歷過史無前例的無產階級文化大革命，但由於學習毛主席著作不力，疏於改造自己，以致靈魂深處還是一片骯髒的資產階級淵藪，在適當的時候必然要暴露出來。下面就以同志們幫助我回憶的三件事來解剖自己，希望通過批評和自我批評來改造自己。 一、一九六九年春天，由於我剛走上工作崗位不久，沒有理解到廣大革命師生無限忠於黨、無限忠於毛主席、無限忠於毛澤東思想的階級感情，對於群眾性的三忠於運動很不理解。我雖然也曾投身到忠字化運動裏，參加繡忠字旗，佈置忠字室，但沒有提高到階級立場上來認識。某天早上在早請示中，當跳完毛主席是我們心中的紅大陽的忠字舞，唱過三個念念不忘後，我不自覺地說了一句：這比天主教的早晚望彌撒還厲害。我講這種話表露出我對群眾運動的牴觸情緒。對於革命群眾的熱愛毛主席和從心底發出的感情，我不但不去揣摩學習，反而把它比擬於反動的天主教所搞的迷信活動。今後，我要遵照駱師傅的指導去狠批自己的世界觀，猛揭自己靈魂的蓋子。 二、在一九六九年十月廿日的中央文件指示後，南京的大專院校師生奔赴農村，走知識份子與工農相結合的道路。我們水院隊伍在步行前往蘇北途中，我因一路上看到農民在村頭村尾牆上繪有毛主席像，泥砌的壇上供著毛主席的石膏像，就對李永忠說：這是新的土地廟和土地爺爺。我現在覺悟到這是十分錯誤的，我醜化了農民的感情。正像叛徒工賊劉少奇所說的搞毛澤東思想不要流於形式，實際上是壓抑群眾的無產階級感情，汙蔑群眾運動。 三、一九七〇年春天，我們在淮河入江水道工地上勞動。某日，在挑完一天河泥收工後，李永忠、楊銳和我沿著堤岸走回工棚。我因看到滾圓的落日臨近廣闊的大地，不知怎麼就扯到這紅色的夕陽很像在美國時常吃的平鍋煎蛋Ｓｕｎｎｙ Ｓｉｄｅ，於是李永忠說他餓得可以把它一口吞下。我於今認識到像我這樣世界觀沒有改造好的資產階級知識份子，總是和廣大革命群眾格格不入。人民大眾心中的毛主席就像東方升起的紅太陽，為人民帶來幸福和光明，而我不去頌讚初升的朝日，卻去欣賞向晚的落日，並錯誤地對景生情，懷念起西方的生活。我更不該把人民心中的太陽比為煎蛋，致引起狗膽的李永忠發出一口吞掉太陽的狂妄叫囂。 駱師傅和同志們一再幫助我連繫自己的家庭背景和歷史淵源來剖析上述三項錯誤的言論，使我深刻認識到：雖然我三歲喪父，五歲喪母，扶養我大的姨媽早年守寡，就以為同反動家庭的關係因而淡薄的想法是自欺欺人。階級烙印是與生俱來的，影響是根深蒂固的。家庭的反動再加上美帝國主義教育的毒素，這就構成了我反動的資產階級世界觀。回國後，我又沒有緊緊跟上文化大革命，未能體會其精神實質，尤其沒有帶著改造自己世界觀的要求來學習毛主席著作，所以思想落後，無法領會革命群眾的思想感情，就必然發出錯誤的言論。 今後，我要抓緊毛主席著作的學習，好好走工農兵的道路，永遠接受工人階級的領導，和廣大的革命群眾同呼吸同脈搏，緊緊跟上國內外大好形勢，為反帝反修而貢獻出自己的力量。我更要照駱師傅和同志們所要求的，堅決和李永忠撕破情面，揭發檢舉他的罪行，把他的反動言論公諸於毛澤東思想的陽光下。 最後，我感謝系支部和駱師傅對我的關心和幫助。 力學教研組陶新生 七三年一月廿九日 辛梅念完了這密密麻麻的兩張底稿後，直起了腰，大氣也不敢出，眼怔怔望著新生出神。現在她才明白，何以這幾天他不願開口，原來是怕她憂愁，寧可把事情憋在肚子裏自己煎熬著。瞧他兩頰幾時已經陷了下去，臉色蒼白，眼球卻發紅，不知多久不曾合過眼。想到自己竟然不知不覺，不曾分擔他的痛苦，不曾給他任何的安慰，她心裏充滿了愧疚。這時，眼淚像漲潮般，忽地排山倒海而來。 你不要哭，阿梅。 新生走過來，把手圍著她的肩膀，低了頭在耳邊又加上一句：我真是對不起你。 no no. 她知道新生是誤會了，以為她是因為恐懼而流淚，不知她是出於自責。她想不哭，但眼淚卻越滾越多，兩隻手忙著接盛都來不及，只好任由它順著頸子淌下去，一路涼到心口。然而，流淚和自責這時都是次要的事，她一意要把事情弄清楚。 這都是誰去揭發的，你知道嗎？ 後頭這一條肯定是楊銳，前面那兩條是誰，我怎麼也想不出來。這麼久以前的話，我講過就忘了，不是人家提起，我自己絕對想不起來。他們沒說是李永忠檢舉的，可見不是他。 now I understand.前兩天看系裏的一張大字報，批判李永忠膽大包天，說他妄想一口吞下紅太陽。我當時莫名其妙，以為這個罪名牽強附會。原來是指的這個！不過，我還是覺得牽強附會！ 都怪我以前說話太隨便，提防得不夠。新生低聲向妻子懺悔著，同時安慰她：你不要太耽心，阿梅，我這個罪名再加碼也構不成死罪，到底沒有直接攻擊毛主席。駱師傅一再對我說：我們不是整你，只要幫著你把事澄清一下，搞清楚就行，絕不是整人。 說到這裏，新生側過頭去凝視五斗櫃上的毛澤東像，像在端詳一張陌生面孔，神情和對方一樣的冷漠。 辛梅瞅了新生一眼，又瞄一眼牆上的畫像，忽然癱瘓似地跌坐到床上。 她和新生都知道，這種不整人的整人是怎麼回事。不錯，會上不點名，牆上沒有大字報，也不拉上臺去批鬥，但是有問題就是有問題，照樣要受罪。她回憶起這段日子，校園裏人家對她另眼相看，原來並非自己過敏。趙萍還說有人在談論新生的家世，可見他受審已經不是一樁秘密。 你這檢討是幾時寫的？她問新生。沒看到你在家裏寫嘛。 我一個人在實驗室裏寫了兩天，今天重抄了一份交給組長。 辛梅的心裏推算，新生是今天才交上檢討，而有關他家庭背景的議論在先，可見材料是有意拋出來，目的在施加壓力，成心孤立他。這一想，一顆心忽然發硬，而且凍縮成一球。幾年來看慣了別人挨整，總怕自己也有這麼一天，結果竟應在新生身上！ 她逃避也似地閉上了眼，但同事們挨整的可憐相卻仍在眼前晃動；呆板的臉孔，啞吧樣沉默，低著頭走路，見了人不識一剎那間，她彷彿看到陶煉和陶冶的小臉變得呆滯萎縮，就像非非當年被送到外婆家的情景。這個幻覺叫她坐不住，急忙伸手扳著床沿撐起身子。 新生雙手交叉在胸前，勾下了頭，又踱起步來。他在床鋪和櫥子間咫尺的空隙裏來回轉圈子，像籠中的野獸，機械而單調地。那緩慢的步子在地板上帶起輕微但是鈍滯的聲響；在寂靜的夜裏，這聲響沖擊著辛梅的耳膜，聽起來特別沉重淒涼。 一站起來，辛梅才感到腳趾頭凍得發麻，而身上裹著的厚厚棉衣忽然離心似地讓出空隙，使背脊生風。她環視四周，昏黃的燈，沒有生氣的塑料窗簾，陰暗的門板，光禿禿的白粉牆整個房間是灰暗冷清，連床上的鋪蓋都失去溫暖的象徵。她對這一切都不再感到留戀。 新生，我們非走不可！ 聽到辛梅語氣緊迫的宣佈，新生頓住腳，轉過身來。他盯著妻子瞧，似乎在打量她有多少決心。沉默了半晌，他還是搖頭拒絕。 現在我們更不能走，人家正好說我們是接受不了考驗。 接受不了考驗？ 辛梅錯愕地反問一句，大眼直逼向新生。 這場考驗還不夠你清醒過來？ 到這步田地，新生居然還如此固執，她心中的焦灼和失望一下子提升為憤憤不平。他就是不顧自己，難道不顧慮到妻兒？ 什麼考驗！ 辛梅氣乎乎地頂回去。顧不得隔牆有耳的禁忌，她把積壓了一天的恐懼和憤懣一股腦兒傾倒出來： 這是公然在整人！而且手段惡劣！一面叫你寫檢討，一面在外面拋材料，透露你父母的身分，叫人想入非非。你寫過兩萬字的自傳，學校明明知道你父母死掉都不止三十年了，毫無印象，思想上也早同他們劃清了界線。現在想整你，就不惜舊賬重提。你一心要回來建設祖國，並不是千里迢迢趕著回來背你父母的十字架而且是莫須有的十字架！我看，不是你經不起考驗，是共產黨經不起考驗，是他們既往不咎的諾言經不起考驗！是他們政策的破產 她還想發洩下去，驀地見新生臉色灰白，嘴角微微抽搐著，身子站不穩似地晃了一下，只好煞住口。她相信新生萬沒料到他最忌諱的事被人抖露出去，橫加猜測。他臉部的表情從不曾像這一刻這麼錯綜複雜過，羞赧、懊悔、憤怒、絕望似乎交織成一根痛苦的弦，為受背信的打擊而顫抖、嗚咽著。 辛梅感受了他所有的悲痛，但仍不後悔說出來。他遲早要面對現實，而他現在的痛心失望更加堅定了她的決心。She has to act. 你那個同學叫麥志新的，還沒走吧？ 她忽然想起了他的大學同學。 新生搖下頭表示不知他的下落：做什麼？ 辛梅冷靜果斷地說：我們要見見他。 有什麼用！新生的口氣頹喪萬分。 告訴他，我們要走！ 說著，她把兩張副稿又折疊成小塊收進自己的棉襖口袋，快步走去五斗櫥邊，拿起圍巾就纏脖子。 新生神色迷惘，眼光追隨著她的每個動作，似乎不能領會它的意義和真實性。等到她拿了手套，開門要出去，他才醒過來似的，搶上一步，兩隻手揪住了她的肩膀。 阿梅，我真的不能走！ 他低沉的嗓門出於急迫竟沙啞起來。 我沒法使你明白我為什麼不想走我自己也不明白。你說它惰性也行，說它是一種無顏見江東父老的心情但我是不離開中國了。我不要見麥志新。 辛梅默默地把他的兩隻手挪開肩膀，同時大眼正視著他，絕不妥協。 我自己要見他，如果我們不走，我更要見他！ 說完，她別過頭，狠了心不理會他的反應，碰的一聲把門隨後關上。 她不知是什麼時候了，但宿舍區裏一片靜寂，很多人家已經熄了燈，就是亮著燈光的窗戶也是簾幕深垂，寂無聲響。天上看不到星也看不到月，它成了個沒有底的黑坑。辛梅獨自走著，路燈微弱的光給她照亮了灰白的水泥地，也照著路旁斑斑駁駁佈滿髒汙的殘雪。 到萬嫂家前，她開動了腦子思索所有外賓可能居住的旅館。她常聽說南京飯店警備如何森嚴，勝利飯店如何討好華僑，決定先試這兩家。 萬嫂探出頭來應門。聽到辛梅要打電話，她勉強開大了門縫放她進來。辛梅見電話旁邊的床上睡滿了孩子，萬嫂的模樣也像剛從被窩裏爬出來，十分慚愧，一進門便趕緊道歉。她不用問就知道此地既無電話號碼簿，也要不到紙和筆。於是先撥〇四訊問臺，問出南京飯店的號碼，記牢了，再撥過去。 電話接通後，她立刻說出來意：我要找一位從美國來的客人，叫麥志新大麥小麥的麥，志氣的志，新舊的新。 which unit are you in?對方先問。 我是華東水利學院的教員。 what name? 辛梅，就是辛苦的辛，梅花的梅。 對方停了一陣，像是在筆錄。 你找外賓什麼事？ 辛梅猶豫了一下，決定扯個謊。 他曾經打電話到學校來找我，要我同他連絡。 oh.你同他什麼關係？ 朋友，以前在美國的朋友。 好，你等等。我去問問有沒有這個外賓。 辛梅好不失望。被盤問了半天，原來還不知道姓麥的住不住這裏！沒法，她只好耳朵套著聽筒，耐心的等。 好久，對方才來回話。 喂，麥志新已經走了！ gone?When did you leave? 今天早上離開南京的。 電話被咔答一聲掛斷，辛梅感到自己的希望也一起被切斷了，不禁盯著手中的聽筒發愣。要不是萬嫂咳嗽一聲催她走，她可能還繼續愣下去。無奈，她道了擾，聽任雙腳把自己帶出傳達室，送進了黑夜裏。 星月俱隱的天空，無底黑坑般當頭罩下來，辛梅彷彿走在黑暗裏，看不見一絲光亮。沒有聽見北風呼號，但無聲反而加深了夜的冷酷和死寂。她拉緊了圍巾，寒冷還是無情地襲過來。她想，今年的冬天，就數今夜最寒冷。 這以後幾天，辛梅體會到度日如年的滋味。每天一睜開眼，挨整的陰影就迫在眉睫；吃飯、走路時也尾追著不放。不管在校園或宿舍裏，她不敢側臉或回頭，怕驀然發現人家另眼相看或竊竊私議時，自己會更加難堪。她疑惑學生也風聞她丈夫受審查的事，課堂上，他們的眼睛似乎鼓得異常的大，變得非常嚴肅。一存了疑心，自己的臉上便失去了笑容，嘴也不知不覺地封緊了。現在，她終於悟出新生何以這一向沉默寡言，原來凡人心裏有事，必然是三緘其口。 學校進入了大考階段，課程全部結束。辛梅每堂課抽出一刻鐘給學生複習語法，其他時間讓大家自修。她袖著手在課堂裏踱步，只見學生清一色在溫習數學和物理。大考前一週，學校規定教員晚上到課堂裏給學生解疑，外語攤到一個晚上。學生派代表向辛梅請求，把時間讓出給數學老師，她也點頭答應。 二月上旬，考試全部完畢。教員忙著改完考卷，公佈了成績，又開過數學成果檢討會，這才鬆口氣，準備要過年。春節有三天假日，假日後接替要開學。因為時間緊湊，除了滬杭一帶來的學生回家過年外，其他都留校。 辛梅很早就邀請學生春節來玩，好些學生也說過要來拜年。如今新生出了事，她寧可學生不要上門來，然而話已出口，不好食言。但她精神恍惚，每天窮於打發漫長的廿四小時，竟不知年之將至。到了年三十下午，她才發現沒有過節招待的準備。 正碰到寒流南下，雖然一片晴朗，但風刮得緊，仍是天寒地凍的。辛梅給小冶染上了感冒，跟著咳得頭昏眼花，有些害怕出門。看見丈夫，對過年索然無味，連上澡堂洗個澡都不幹，寧願抱一本醫學手冊發呆。無奈，她只好冒著北風上鼓樓去。為了表示豐年盛景，食品公司在最後一刻開放了一批原先在櫥窗裏供展覽的貨品，喜得顧客們蜂擁而上。辛梅在人潮裏掙扎了一番，終於買夠了糖果和幾斤柿子和蘋果。她又去百貨公司給奶奶買了一雙棉鞋過年，這才提著一大包回家來。