Chapter 33 Sixth and eighth technique: how to keep loyal words from hurting the ears

People often say: loyal words are harsh.This means to advise people not to care about the other person's way of speaking, but to be good at understanding beneficial things from harsh words.But in fact, it is often difficult for anyone to accept advice or advice from others. How can we make loyal words not hurt our ears? · Retreat and advance That is to say, if you find someone's shortcomings, mistakes, or even extreme behavior, you must be patient first, and don't yell as soon as you grab the other party's tail, make a fool of him, and make you feel uncomfortable. For example:

There is a young couple who have been married for several years and get along fairly well.However, husbands often find that their wives gradually become very careless in doing housework; on the contrary, they become more and more interested in things like watching TV, dancing, and reading novels, and spend most of their time on idle things. After dinner one day, the husband asked his wife: What are you going to do tonight? The wife casually said: watching TV!Didn't you notice that there's a Hong Kong drama going on? The husband smiled and asked inadvertently: After watching TV?

My wife got even more excited and said: Watch "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms".I heard that a TV series based on this book will be shown soon. The husband still said calmly: After you finish these things, can you do something for me too? The wife became alarmed and said: ok, what's the matter? Then the husband said humorously: Find a pair of socks with no holes and a shirt with no shortage of buttons. At this moment, the wife completely understood that she didn't do the housework that should have been done.In the future, in terms of housework, he really took care of it very well.The relationship between husband and wife is also more harmonious.

People have self-esteem.If the husband gets angry as soon as he sees something wrong with his wife, even though it is a sincere advice, I believe the wife will find it difficult to accept it, and it may cause psychological knots.To make his wife listen to his faithful advice, the best way is to retreat first, hold your temper first, and wait for the other party to fully show the flaws, and then tactfully list the facts and compare them with the flaws. There is a strong contrast, resulting in a double effect of both love and blame. · Guide and persuade This means that if you find someone's mistakes, you must deliberately divert them away, and then persuade them so that they will consciously correct their mistakes.

For example: There was a young man who drove a taxi. He had a bad problem. When he was driving, he put one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand out of the car, driving the car very fast. There was an old man in a car who was always worried. Although this young man was very skilled at driving, who could guarantee that this kind of acrobatic driving would not cause accidents?The old man opened his mouth several times to persuade the young man, but how could he open his mouth after meeting him?He watched the young man stretch out his hand outside the car and thought for a long time, and finally came up with a way to let the young man correct his mistakes.The old man said to the young man:

Boy, does it often rain in this place? The young man replied casually: No, Juneday, with a baby face, you can change as you say! The old man said with concern: How about you take your hand in?If it rains, I'll tell you, it's too dangerous for you to drive with one hand! Only then did the young man realize that the old man was correcting him for putting one hand outside the car, he immediately smiled, and finally retracted his hand. The old man didn't waste much time, he made the young man realize his mistake, and he corrected it immediately, the trick was in a leading word.The driver boy put his hand out of the car, not to test whether it is raining, but a bad habit.The old man understands, and so does the young man.However, if the old man directly pointed out this shortcoming to the young man, the good advice would be harsh.The old man understood this truth very well, so instead of saying nothing, he intentionally explained it in a positive way. On the one hand, he saved the young man's face, and on the other hand, he pointed out his faults, so that he would be willing to change it.

·Stick and move This is to use a humorous way and sharp words to stab the other party's sore spots, so that the other party is shocked by only hearing the thunder but not being struck by lightning, producing a good refraction effect. For example: In the nineteenth century, there was a famous Japanese scholar named Sakuma Xiangshan, who was known for his sharp eloquence. Someone asked him: How can I become a rich man? Sakuma Xiangshan thought to himself that this man only has money in his eyes, so he must be stabbed, so he said: You lift one leg to pee and see. When the person who asked the question heard it, he was quite displeased.

Sakuma Xiangshan turned a blind eye and continued: Yes, that's what it looks like, like a dog.If you behave well, you can't become a rich man. The person who asked immediately nodded and smiled, as if he understood the truth. Sakuma Xiangshan's answer was not without sharp words.But its edge is not directed at the questioner, but stabs those unruly rich men.Because of people's psychology, they always despise those rich people who do anything to get money.Although Sakuma Xiangshan's words are sharp, they will undoubtedly resonate with people and produce knowing smiles.For the interrogator, although he was not directly stimulated, he was touched indirectly, which achieved a certain refraction effect.But pay attention, this kind of sting is not cursing, but just scolding, so that the other party can understand something in the scolding.