Chapter 9 Chapter 7 Shadows in the Ice

I was paralyzed on the rope, barely able to lift my head.Excruciating fatigue consumed me, and I desperately longed for this endless suspension to end soon.There is no need to suffer any more.I long from the bottom of my heart for this to end as soon as possible. The rope vibrated a few centimeters downward.Simon, how much longer can you hold on?I thought to myself, it won't be long before you will fall with me, it should be soon.I felt the rope vibrate again, then tighten like a tightrope, like a telephone delivering bad news.That's all!That's where it ends.it's a pity!I hope someone finds us and learns that we summited from the west face.I don't want to just disappear without a sound.No one will ever know we succeeded.

The wind blows me slightly.I looked down at the crevasse, which was waiting for me.The crevasse was not small, at least six meters wide, stretching along the bottom of the ice cliff.I figured I was about fifteen meters from the crevasse.The part beneath my feet was covered with a layer of snow, but looking to the right, the crevasse opened its black mouth.Bottomless pit, I thought lazily.No, it can never be a bottomless pit!How deep will I fall?Will it fall into the water if it falls to the bottom?God!Hope not! The rope twitched again.I looked up and saw the rope pulling back and forth over the edge of the ice cliff, pushing away chunks of solid ice.I stared at the rope stretching up into the darkness.The cold has long since won the war.I lost feeling in all my limbs.Everything becomes slow and soft.Questions kept coming to mind, but they had neither meaning nor answers.I accepted that I was going to die.There is no other choice.I am not afraid.I was numb from the cold, felt no pain, didn't even feel the cold, just wanted to sleep and didn't care about the consequences.It will be dreamless sleep.Reality turned into nightmare, and sleep beckoned to me constantly.There's a black hole waiting for me, there's no pain in the black hole, time stops like death.

The headlights go out.The severe cold froze the battery.I see stars, or afterimages of light, through dark gaps in the mountain walls.The blizzard passed and the stars were clearly visible.I'm so excited to see old friends back.The stars looked so far away, farther away than anything I had ever seen before, and brighter, like jewels hanging in the sky.Some are moving, flashing, flashing, moving bit by bit, flashing, flashing, and sprinkle the brightest starlight on me. Then, the thing I had been waiting for suddenly happened.The stars faded and I fell.The rope seemed to come to life, lashing my face violently, and I fell soundlessly, into endless nothingness, as if dreaming I was falling.It was faster than thought, squeezing my stomach.I fell so fast, I watched myself fall from a height, but felt nothing.Stop thinking and all fear disappears.That's it!

A shock to my back interrupted the dream, and then I sank into the snow, feeling cold and wet on my cheeks.I didn't stop falling, and for a split second I couldn't see anything, and I was terrified.It's an ice crevasse!Oh no! I accelerate again, so fast I can't even hear myself scream A strong impact stopped me, and bursts of white light flashed in front of my eyes.The white light was still flashing, and lightning burst out. I heard the air rushing around my body, but my body didn't feel it.The snow fell with me, and fell on me. I watched the light snow fall from a height, and listened to it rubbing my body as if it seemed to have nothing.There seemed to be a throbbing in the head, and then it slowly subsided, and the number of white light flashes became less frequent.The impact made me dizzy, and for a few moments I lay there stiff, barely aware of what had happened.Everything seems to be in a dream.Time slowed down and I was floating in the air with no support or weight.I lay quietly with my mouth open, looking into the darkness in front of me, thinking I had my eyes closed.I pay attention to every feeling I have, and the message of every pulse in my body, but otherwise just lie still.

I can't breathe.A fit of retching.A tight pain in the chest.Retching again, suffocating.Tried to breathe in air, but couldn't.I feel the familiar monotonous boom of whetstones on the beach.Relaxed.I close my eyes and let myself sink into the fading shades of gray.My chest convulsed and I spat it out, taking a breath of cold air and the rumbling in my head stopped. I'm alive. Burning pain spread from the legs.My legs were bent and pressed under me.As the burning pain intensified, the feeling of being alive became more real.hell!How can you feel pain if you are dead!The burning pain continued and I laughed out loud that I was alive!Great, go fuck it and laugh again, it's real hilarious laughing.I laughed as I felt the burning pain and felt the tears roll down my face.I didn't know what the hell was so funny, but I laughed anyway.I burst out crying and laughing, as if something inside me was unwinding, no longer tightly wrapped around my internal organs.While laughing, the thing split itself apart and left my body.

Suddenly I stopped laughing.His chest tightened and he felt oppressed again. What made me stop? I lay on my side, curled up in a strange position, unable to see anything.I moved one arm cautiously, half outstretched, and touched the solid wall.ice!This is the wall of the crevasse.I continued to grope, and suddenly my arm fell to the ground.There is a drop right next to you.I resisted not moving my body.I feel like my legs are resting on the snow slope, and the slope is getting steeper under my feet.I lie on a rock shed or a rock bridge.The body didn't slide, but I didn't know which way to move would make me safer.I buried my face in the snow, trying to sort through the confusing information and come up with a countermeasure.What should I do now?

stand still.That's why I can't move! I can't control myself.The pain in my knee spurs me to move.I had to take my body weight off my knees.But as soon as I moved my body, it started to slip.Every muscle in my body clung to the snow and couldn't move! I slow down my body and stop the movement.After holding my breath for so long, I began to gasp violently.I reached out again to touch the solid ice wall, and fumbled in the dark for the ice hammer that was attached to the harness by the lanyard.I pulled the tight lanyard and raised the ice hammer from the drop ahead.I had to tie an ice pick to the ice wall and couldn't push myself off.

This is more difficult than I expected.I found the only remaining ice pick on my harness and twisted my body to face the wall.The light of the stars and the moon shone into the hole where I fell, and by this time my eyes had adapted to the darkness, and by this light I could see the deep holes on either side.I also saw gray shadows on the ice wall, and the impenetrable darkness below the drop.I picked up the ice pick, trying to forget the dark abyss behind me.The sound of ice hammer strikes echoed between the ice walls, and then a second, and a third echoed, coming from the abyss below, from the deep darkness of the abyss.My body is shaking.In the dark abyss lurks unspeakable horrors.I tapped on the ice pick, feeling my body slide sideways with each tap.When the ice pick was all but the handle in the ice wall, I put the carabiner on and fumbled frantically for the rope at my waist.The dark abyss is full of threats, and my empty stomach can't help but tighten.

I propped up my body into a half-sitting position, close to the ice wall, facing the abyss on the left.My legs kept slipping on the snow, and I had to keep moving closer to the ice wall.I dare not let go of the ice pick for more than a few seconds, but the knot takes much longer than that.Every time I messed up the knots, I would curse and start over impatiently.I couldn't see the rope, and although I could normally feel in the dark and tie the knot, my hands were too cold to feel, and I couldn't pull the rope through the loop and tie the knot.After six tries, I was on the verge of tears.Then the rope fell again.To retrieve the rope, I slid down the drop, scrambled back, fumbled for the pick with my hands on the ice wall, slid my glove over the ice wall, and began to fall backwards.My hands scratched and scraped along the wall of ice, hoping my gloved fingers would get a firm grip on the ice.I suddenly felt that my hand hit the ice pick, and I clasped it tightly with my fingers, so that my body stopped falling backwards.I stared at the black hole in front of me without moving.

After a few failed attempts, I suddenly found myself tying a sort of knot.I brought the knot closer and examined it carefully in the dim light.I laughed out loud at the protruding knot and the loop of rope I was trying to tie over the knot, and thought it was ridiculous how happy I was.Then I hung the knot on the ice pick, smirking into the darkness.I am safe from falling into the dark abyss. The taut rope reassures me.I looked up at the little hole at the top.There was no cloud in the sky, and the stars were twinkling, making the moonlight shine brightly.The tightness in the abdomen is gone.For the first time in hours, I could think normally.I was about fifteen meters below the crevasse.There is shelter here.If I wait until Simon, I can crawl out tomorrow morning

Simon! ? My voice was full of surprise.The echo whispered the name back.It never occurred to me that he might be dead.I started thinking about what had just happened, and it hit me hard.died?I can't imagine him dead, especially now that I'm alive.The dead silence of the ice crevasse infected me. This place is like a tomb, the realm of the dead, so cold and impersonal.No one has ever been here.Simon is dead?impossible!I heard him and watched him come down the ice cliff.He should be on the rope, or fall in here too. I giggled again, unable to suppress it no matter how hard I tried.Echoes echoed from the ice wall, hoarse and frantic.The voice was so weird, I couldn't tell whether I was laughing or crying.The sound coming back from the darkness was somewhat distorted, not like it was made by humans.The giggles surged up and around me.I laughed a few more times, and laughed again at the echo, momentarily forgetting about Simon, the crevasse, or even my legs.I curled up and sat against the ice wall.This time I couldn't stop laughing, and my body couldn't help shaking.Part of me saw why, and a calm rational voice in my head told me it was the cold and the shock, but when that calm voice told me what was happening, another part of me went mad.I felt as if I was split in two, one half was laughing, and the other half was watching everything unmoved.After a while, I realized the phenomenon had stopped and I was whole again.Shivering warms the body, and the adrenaline from the fall has been exhausted. I rummaged through my pack for the headlamp battery, sure I had a spare.After installing the batteries, I turned on the headlights and looked into the darkness beside me.A beam of light penetrated the darkness below, illuminating the ice wall.In the flickering lights, I found that the headlights couldn't even reach the bottom of the ice wall.The ice surface shone blue, silver, and green in the lights, and beneath the surface were many smaller rocks frozen evenly across the ice wall.The rocks shone with a watery gleam as headlight beams swept over the smooth, wave-edged indentations.I swallow nervously.Now I can see thirty meters below.The two ice walls are about six meters apart and show no sign of narrowing.I can only guess that there is a dark abyss hundreds of meters hidden under the light.The towering wall of ice facing me was covered in cracked ice, arching fifteen meters above me and covering the top of the crevasse.On my right there was a steep slope about ten meters long, and the next step was a dark abyss. The opaque darkness grabs my attention.I guessed what was lurking in that darkness, and I was filled with fear.Feeling trapped, I quickly looked around for a gap in the ice wall.But I can't find it.The light from the headlights was either reflected off the hard ice wall or engulfed in the impenetrable darkness on either side of the deep hole.The arched wall of ice covered the top of the crevasse from left to right, and I could not see the opening of the crevasse.I am in a huge ice and snow cave, only the small black hole above is shining starlight at me, allowing me to see another world.Unless I can climb up the broken ice on the wall, the hole is as inaccessible as the stars in the sky. I turn off my headlights to save energy.The darkness becomes more oppressive.Knowing where I was didn't clear my mind.I am alone.The silent nothingness, the darkness, and the starry opening seemed to mock my attempt to escape the crevasse.I can only think about Simon, who is my only chance of getting out of here.But somehow I was sure that even if he wasn't dead, he must think I was dead.I tried to call his name, but the sound bounced back, echoed in the deep hole below, and then faded away.My voice cannot penetrate walls of ice.The top of the ice wall was fifteen meters higher than me, and when I was hanging on the rope, I was at least fifteen meters higher than the top.Simon, seeing the great crevasse opening and the ice cliff, would have immediately concluded that I was dead.There was no way he could survive a fall from that height, he must have thought.I know very well that if it were me, I would definitely think the same way.After seeing this bottomless darkness, he will think that I died in it.Falling from a height of 30 meters and not being injured is really unreasonable. I cursed sharply, but the echo in the dark made my curse seem powerless.I cursed again, and kept on cursing, filling the space with angry obscenities that echoed back to me.I yelled, vented my frustration and anger until I was out of breath.Then I quiet down and think about what might happen next.If he looked into the crevasse, he could see me, and maybe hear me.Or has he heard my voice?He would only leave if he was sure I was dead.But how do I know he is not dead?Did he fall with me?If you want to know, you have to pull the rope! I tug hard on the slack string and it pulls easily.I turned on the headlights to find the cord dangling from the hole in the top in a slack curve.I pulled again, and a burst of soft snow fell on my face.I pulled the rope steadily, feeling excited.As long as the rope is taut, I have a chance to escape from here.I waited for the rope to be taut, but it kept slipping gently.It felt a little weird expecting Simon's body weight to hold the rope, but I was just thinking of a way out, nothing more.Simon's body may have slid quickly as he fell, flashing across the crevasse.He must have hit the slope and stopped.He should be dead already.You're bound to die if you fall like that.Once the rope is taut, I can use the Prussian knot to climb up.His body will be a solid point of support.right.That's it I saw the rope flick down, and my hopes were dashed.I drew the slack in front of my eyes and watched the break.It was severed!I can't look away.White and pink nylon filaments burst at the break.I figured I already knew the truth.I am simply delusional!It was foolish to believe that I could escape, and yet everything made me feel that way.I can't escape from here.damn it!I shouldn't even be struggling until now.He should have left me on the ridge.How much energy can be saved that way? I have gone through so many hardships, but I am going to die here.If so, why bother? I turned off the headlights and sobbed in the dark, feeling completely overwhelmed.I cry out, then listen to my childlike cries die down below, then cry again. Woke up feeling cold.My mind was blank, and it took me a long time to wake up, and I began to wonder where this was.I fell asleep without knowing it, which surprised me.The cold woke me up.This is a good sign.The cold could have killed me just as easily.I am calm.Everything will end in this crevasse.Maybe I knew it would turn out this way.I am satisfied that I can calmly accept the fact.I have cried and yelled, and it may be better to accept the reality.This way you don't have to hurt your body when you die.I knew then that Simon would leave me to fend for myself.I am not surprised.Doing so does make things easier.One more small thing to worry about: I might not die for a few days.In the end I think it was three days.In the crevasses, protected from wind and snow, I could live for days in my sleeping bag.I imagine how long it will be.A long twilight, then darkness, then a weary sleep, then a half-dream.Perhaps the latter half will fade away quietly in a dreamless sleep.I'm seriously thinking about this ending.I never thought it would be so.Such an ending seems too tragic.I never expected to die an honorable death, but neither did I expect a slow, tragic passing like this.I don't want to die like that. I sat up, turned on the headlights, and looked at the wall of ice above the cone, thinking maybe I could climb out.I knew deep down that this was impossible, but I still tried to light this faint hope.I thought that if I fell, at least I would die happily.But when I saw the bottomless darkness on both sides, my determination was shaken.The frozen rock bridge suddenly exudes a desperate and dangerous atmosphere.I tied a Prussian knot to the rope on the ice pick and planned to hang myself on the ice pick for climbing.The Prussian knot can move on the rope when it is not under tension, but in case I fall, the Prussian knot may stop me from falling.I knew the knots were likely to come loose, but I didn't have the guts to climb without a belay. After an hour I gave up.I tried to climb that vertical wall of ice four times.But only once managed to get out of the rock shelter.I stuck two ice axes into the ice wall above and pulled myself up.Then kick the crampons of the left boot into the ice wall, and then pull out an ice ax and stick it out.Before I could swing the ice ax into the ice wall above, the crampons slipped off, so I slammed onto the ice pick, the ice hammer quickly broke off the ice, and I fell back on the rock shed, with my injured right leg under me, Abnormal pain.I cried out in pain and twisted my body to release my legs.Afterwards I lay still and waited for the pain to subside.I don't try anymore. I sat on the pack, turned off the headlamp, and leaned despondently on the rope reattaching the ice pick.I saw my legs in the dim light, and it took me a moment to realize what it meant.I looked up and saw a dim light at the top, and looked down at my watch. It was five o'clock, and it would be full light in an hour, when Simon would climb down the ice cliff.It took me seven hours alone in the dark to realize how demoralizing the lack of light is.I called out Simon's name.Echoes echoed all around, and I called out again.I'll keep calling until he hears, or until I'm sure he's gone. After a long time I stopped shouting.he's gone.I know he's gone and never coming back.I'm dead, he has no reason to come back.I took off my gloves and checked my fingers.Two fingertips on each hand were blackened, and one thumb was blue.I try to make a fist, but I can't feel the squeeze.The situation is not as bad as expected.The sun shines through the opening at the top.I looked at the hole on the left.Now I can see a little deeper, but there is still no sign of narrowing.The hole stretched all the way down, and then disappeared into the shadows.The slope to the right curves into the abyss I saw last night.Farther to the right, sunlight falls on the back wall of the crevasse. I randomly picked up the broken end of the rope and tried to make up my mind.I'm not going to spend another night on the rock shed.I don't want to go through that madness again, and yet I recoil from the only option I have now.I'm not ready yet.When I was in a dilemma, I wound the rope a few times in my hand, and then threw it to the right.The rope arced through the air and fell into the hole below, out of my sight.The rope quickly tightened.I hung the horoscope on the rope and lay down on my side. I hesitated, looking at the icicles on the ice wall.My weight doesn't pull the ice pick out.The Prussian knot hangs quietly under the ice pick, and I think I should take it. If there is still a void at the end of the rope, I will need the Prussian knot to get back to the rock shelter.I slid down the rock shed and rappelled down the slope into the abyss.Watching the Prussian Knot get smaller, I thought to myself, I don't want to come back even if there's nothing there.