Chapter 10 Chapter 8 The Silent Witness

◆Simon's Narrative◆ The horror of climbing down almost overwhelmed me.The silence was more unsettling than the blizzard of the night before.I thought there was going to be an avalanche, but there was no movement around.There was no breeze to blow the snow powder off the mountain face, and even the snow I kicked off just fell silently.It was as if the whole mountain was holding its breath, waiting for another death.Joe is dead.Silence tells me these things.Can't I hide it too? Very warm in the sun.There is a huge depression on the mountain wall above, and the snow-white surface reflects dazzling light.Looking further up, thousands of meters higher than me, the snow shimmered in the warm sunlight.That's where we walked yesterday, and now we don't leave a trace.Last night's snow had wiped everything away, and the snow was twisting and shaking in the hot air.My mouth is dry and smelly.Dehydration, no doubt, or the bitter taste caused by an empty stomach.I stared at the towering mountain.No trace.There is no sense in what we do to climb up, to climb over it.Then come down again.How stupid!The mountain looks immaculate, so clean and untouched, we haven't changed a thing.The mountain is so beautiful, pure and flawless, but what it brings me is nothingness.I've been on the mountain too long, the mountain has taken everything away.

I continued to climb down, and my footwork was regular and stable.I could move faster, but it doesn't seem necessary.A windless silence surrounded me.Surrounded by icebergs, the glaciers below are also silent.There was no muffled sound of ice collapsing or cracking crevasses.The eerie calm compelled me to continue descending, and I felt an air of silence close by.Let it follow.I will walk this path with poise and dignity.With every step I took carefully, the sense of terror continued to intensify. The peeled snow shell 1 slid down the steep slope below me.I'm standing on the edge of an ice cliff.I leaned out from the slope and looked down at the cliff at least thirty meters below.I looked around, searching the glaciers under the ice cliffs for signs of human activity.Nothing at all.There is no snow cave that shows that he is still alive.So, yesterday he fell from here.Oh My God!Why do you encounter such a thing here!Things are unpredictable.The foreboding that had occupied my mind last night came true.Joe is dead.

Note 1: The snow surface layer is melted and then condensed, or the shell formed by wind extrusion.Editor's note I stared at the glacier, speechless in horror.Although he had planned for the worst in his heart, he did not expect such a result.I thought he had fallen off a low vertical wall of ice, or even a rocky buttress, but it turned out to be a towering ice cliff.I looked back at the mountain wall, and followed the vertical descent route to my current position.I feel cheated.The way we save ourselves is what causes the accident.I still remember the rising excitement I felt as I made my way down the mountain.I'm proud of what we've done.It was all going so well and what Joe was suffering, he had been trying to dig the pothole, and all this struggle, it was just an accident that accelerated us towards the ice cliff.I turned my head and looked to the side, recognizing that our planned descent was sloping downhill to the left, away from the ice cliff.We didn't even notice the ice cliff to the right when we decided on our route.We didn't expect it to be a vertical drop.

I turned away from the drop, staring blankly at the mountain ahead.Its cruelty disgusts me.Our encounter seemed to have been deliberately arranged, and there was a disgusting evil force that arranged it in advance.Our whole day's efforts and the chaos of a snowstorm night were in vain.How foolish we were to think we could escape from here by our own wits!We worked so hard for so long, but the end result was to cut the rope.I laughed out loud.The short, painful voice was louder in the silence.This is ridiculous, I thought to myself.In a morbid way, it's ridiculous, but the joke was on me.What a joke!

I turned to the slope and started slicing across the ice cliff, no longer thinking about fatalism, but feeling anger and resentment.I was no longer listless, and although I still felt weak and thirsty, I brushed off my resignation and decided to descend alive.It can't take my life away either. From time to time I look down from the edge of the ice cliff.As I climbed to the right, the ice cliffs became shorter, but the surface I was climbing became steeper and more dangerous.The ice cliffs eventually met the slope I was climbing, and the soft snow turned into hard water ice, with broken rocks jutting out here and there.I started to climb down diagonally, very slowly.This type of climbing requires more technique, and I found myself leaving the emotions behind me and focusing on the present moment.

After descending fifteen meters, I stepped onto an ice-covered rock.I stepped on the seventy-degree ice with the front paws of my crampons, and the ice became more fragile with each step I climbed.A closer look made me find myself standing on a rocky buttress protruding from the ice.Looking down, the ice is rapidly thinning, and the gray shadows indicate that there are only a few centimeters between the rock and the ice surface.I hammered a piton into a crack in the rock and hung myself up there. I found that the preparation for rappelling became very difficult.The snowstorm froze the rope and my fingers were too stiff to tie the knot.Once ready to rappel, I cast the rope.One end of the rope is hung on the piton, and the other end falls down the steep ice wall surface, hanging on the less difficult slope forty to fifty meters below.I fastened the belay to the rope, untied the rope connecting the sling to the piton, and slowly rappelled down the ice-covered buttress.

I moved down the rope and gradually saw the whole picture of the ice cliff.The ice cliff extended to my left, forming a huge domed mountain wall.Our rope had been lodged deep into the lip of the top of that dome last night, and I saw where it was.That is the highest point of the ice cliff.The front of the ice cliff hangs out, and the white snow and ice-covered mountain wall towers over the entire mountain.I rappelled all the way, and the mountain wall was getting closer and closer.Even though I was actually on the upper right side of the wall, the wall looked like it hung directly above me.I stared at the mountain wall in astonishment.The wall is so massive that I can't help but wonder why we never noticed it.As we approached the mountain, we crossed the glacier directly under the face of the mountain.

I descended half the pitch before I looked down and saw the crevasse.I braked on the guarantor and came to a sudden stop.I stared wide-eyed at the bottomless darkness under the ice cliff, trembling with fear.There was no doubt that Joe had fallen into this crevasse.I was horrified.I clung to the rope at the thought of falling into that dreadful black chasm.I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against the tight rope. Guilt and fear filled my heart, and I couldn't calm down for a long time, as if I had just cut the rope.I might as well put a pistol to his head and give him a good time.I opened my eyes, but I didn't dare to look down into the crevasse. I could only stare helplessly at the ice surface with the shadow of the rock in front of me.I've pretty much walked down the entire mountain, sure I'm going to survive, and then completely horrified by what we've been through.Last night seemed so far away in the warm sunshine that I could hardly believe such a horrific accident had ever happened.Things are very different now, but I even hope it's still as bad as it was last night.That way, at least I could fight and justify my life while he died.But like now, I can only let the extreme darkness in the ice crevasse accuse me of crimes.

I have never felt so miserable and alone.I couldn't get over it, and I began to understand why I had that horrible feeling of condemnation in the snow cave.If I hadn't cut the rope, I would have died.Looking at the ice cliff, I knew that I would have no chance of surviving if I fell like that.However, I saved myself and now I'm ready to go home and tell a story that few will believe.No one will cut the rope!It's definitely not that bad!Why don't you do that, try that?Even when people believe it, I hear these kinds of questions and see the doubt in people's eyes.It was weird and brutal.From the moment he broke his leg, I was doomed to be a loser, and nothing could change that fact.

I continued to rappel, hoping to get rid of these meaningless thoughts.I stared at the crevasse, trying to identify signs that were actually longing to see him still alive.The closer I got to the crevasse, the wider the crevasse appeared. I began to see the deep hole clearly, and the hole became more unfathomable.I kept staring at the hole, but as I slowly descended, I gradually gave up this simple wish.No one survived falling that deep.Even if Joe is still alive, I can't help it.I don't have a rope to go that deep, and there isn't one in camp.I also know that I don't have the strength to complete this task.Even going down into crevasses is futile, and I'm not going to take that risk again.Near death is enough for me.

Joe! I yelled, and the echo floated in the dark, as if mocking my puny efforts. The hole is too big, and the facts are too cruel.I can't believe he's still alive.All indications were that he was gone.Any effort is just self-consolation.I stared at the horrible black hole and yelled into it.In the end, there was only an echo, followed by absolute silence, telling the truth that I already knew. My feet touch the snow and the rappel is over.The slope below gently leads to the glacier.Another sixty meters and I will reach the glacier safely.I turned around and looked up at the ice cliff.I was well on the right side of the cliff, below the outer edge of the crevasse.The imprint left by the rope on the top of the ice cliff is still clearly visible, a silent testament to what I have done.Fine snow powder fell from the top of the ice cliff, like a wisp of white cloud.I watched the snow powder fall gently.Neither time nor life can leave its mark here, only large expanses of snow, ice, and slowly rising rocks.Frozen, melted, and shattered, alternately for centuries.What folly to contend with this place!Snow clouds settled over the crevasse, a little further to my left.That's where Joe fell.At least the crevasse hid Joe's body from my own eyes, though I doubted I could see that far. I turned my face away, suppressing my urge to climb up to take another look.It doesn't make sense.It takes me a while to face the truth.I can't stand there looking for dead bodies all day.I turned to the glacier and walked down toward it blankly. When I got to the flat snow on the glacier, I dropped my backpack in the snow and sat down.I stare at my boots in frustration for a long time, not wanting to look back at the mountain.The feeling of being safe again was overwhelming.I did it!I just sat and thought about the mountain and the time we spent on it.Looking back on those six days, I feel like I've lived through a whole year.Surrounded by frozen mountain walls, the glacier is as hot as a stove in the sun, and it is blindingly white, as if it absorbs heat from all directions and then reflects it on me.Without thinking, I took off my jacket, trousers and thermals.My actions became very mechanical.Climbing and rappelling were not my deliberate decisions, as if I hadn't tried to do anything and was suddenly moved to the glacier.My memory of the day has also faded, leaving only vague emotions and horrified thoughts.That's when I realized how exhausted I was.The consequences of the lack of water and food for the past twenty-four hours have already begun to appear.I looked back at the ice cliff, and now it was just a small piece of landform on the vast mountain wall, and I knew I would never be able to return to it.I wonder if I still have the strength to get back to camp.I need a few days to eat, rest and recover before I can go to the rescue.Maybe it's for the best, Joe.At least you are dead.I can hardly resist saying that thought aloud to the distant ice cliff.What if he was found badly wounded but alive?The thought terrifies me.I shall have to leave him for help, but there is no one here to help, and by the time I am well enough to return, he will have died alone and hopeless in the ice cave. Yes.This is the best.I muttered to myself. I walked with difficulty on the soft snow of the glacier.Even though my back was facing the Seura Grande, I could feel it looming behind me.I would love to turn around and look at it again.But I just kept my head down and kept walking, my eyes fixed on the snow, until I reached the crevasse at the end of the glacier.The glaciers are squeezed by rocky moraines, which twist and fracture the ice, creating hundreds of parallel crevasses.Some crevasses are easy to spot and bypass, but many are covered in snow.Down the gentle slope, there are many dangers.With no rope in my hands, I felt naked and vulnerable. The early morning paranoia suddenly returned.The heat and thirst made me dizzy and I forgot the route I had come from.I frantically stared at one ice crevasse after another, panic welling up in my heart.Did we go over or under that crevasse?Perhaps the lower one?I do not remember.The harder I tried to think back, the more confused I became, and I ended up weaving a dreadful path of twists and turns, not sure where I was going.I can only focus on the snow within a few meters around me, climbing the slopes aimlessly, zigzagging, and sometimes backtracking.I imagined that the snow under my feet might crack at any moment and become a dark bottomless pit. As soon as I reached the moraine, I collapsed on the rocks.I lay my backpack on my pillow, feeling the hot sun shining on my face, and the fear brought by the ice crevasse gradually disappeared. The intense thirst finally forced me to my feet and I stumbled towards the river.The wide channel, strewn with boulders, stretches from the moraine to the lake above the camp.The camp was still about seven kilometers away, or a few hours' walk.There was a huge round granite boulder in the middle, and the snow water would flow down that boulder, and I knew there would be water to drink there.All around is the smell of water.The water was dripping between the boulders at my feet, in crevices deeper under the boulders, and I could hear the gurgle but not drink. After a few meters I stopped and turned around to take one last look at Seura Grande.I could see most of the mountain, but luckily the lower areas were blocked by the curved glaciers and I couldn't see the ice cliff.There he was, buried in the snow, but I no longer felt guilty.Even if I face the same situation again in the future, I am sure I will still do it.Although I was no longer guilty, I felt a dull pain in my heart, and the feelings of loss and sadness grew stronger.The ending is to stand alone in the pile of broken rocks at the foot of the mountain, full of helplessness and regret in my heart.I wanted to say goodbye calmly as I turned to leave, but in the end I didn't.He is gone forever.Years from now, the gentle waves of the glacier will wash him down the valley, and by then he will be a dispensable memory.I seem to have begun to forget about him. I stumbled through a maze of unorganized boulders and rubble.Finally I looked back at the glacier, Seura Grande was out of my sight.I leaned wearily against the boulders as pain and sorrow consumed me.Thirst becomes unbearable.I swallowed, but barely salivating, did nothing to relieve my discomfort.The boundless boulders, the scorching midday sun and the unbearable thirst mixed together made the downhill road extremely difficult.My legs were leaden, so weak that I kept falling over the rocks.Anytime a rock suddenly loosens and slides under my feet, I'll fall over, unable to dodge it.I rely on the ice ax to keep me steady, and now and then I reach out hurriedly for support.My fingers are still numb and cold, and I can't feel them slapping against the sharp boulders, and even the heat of the sun hasn't revived them.An hour later, I saw the round granite boulder.The snow water on the surface glistened and flowed down the sides.I quickened my pace, and the thought of water gave me a surge of energy. I walked to the depression at the bottom of the boulders and set my pack down on the wet gravel.But I soon discovered that the water was not enough to quench my extreme thirst.So I carefully dug a reservoir in the gravel at the base of the rock.The water storage rate is frustratingly slow, and it empties after I take a puff, and it makes my mouth full of sand.I crouched by a rock and took a sip, waited a while, and then drank again.It seems never enough.Suddenly, there was a clattering sound from above, and I quickly stepped aside.A large handful of rocks slammed into the gravel around me.I hesitated before going back to the pool.We used to rest here and drink water on the way up the mountain.There were also stones falling at that time, and we all jumped away, laughing at each other's panic.Joe jokingly called it the Bombing Trail.When the temperature rises every day, the snow above the boulders will melt, and some small stones will loosen from time to time and fall down like cannonballs. I sat on my backpack and spit some grit out of my mouth.There are some footprints on the soft and muddy gravel and gravel layer in the depression. This is the only trace left by our struggle on the mountain.This resting place is so desolate.I have sat and rested in this vast rambling moraine, and I remember where I sat.We had been sitting in the same spot six days earlier.Our ardent excitement and healthy and strong bodies at that time have become empty memories.I glanced at the moraine that blocked the lower reaches of the lake.This loneliness will not last much longer.I'll be at camp in another hour, and then it'll be over. I set off towards the lake, the water waking up my limbs.Now my concern is what to do when I see Richard, he must want to know what happened.Everyone wants to know.I really didn't want to face that moment.If I told him the truth, I would have to repeat the same story when I got home.My mind was filled with the inevitable skepticism and criticism I would face.I can't face it.I don't need to face it either!Anger and guilt constantly prevented me from defending myself.I know full well what I'm doing is the right thing to do.I knew deep down that I had done nothing to be ashamed of.It would have been much better if I had concealed the truth, and I would have avoided a lot of unnecessary pain and grief. Why tell them you cut the rope?If they don't say it, they will never know. What difference does it make?Let's say he fell into a crevasse on our way down to the glacier.right!Tell them we're not tied to each other with rope.I know it's stupid not to be tethered, but damn, that's how many climbers die.He is dead.As for how he died, it doesn't matter at all.I didn't kill him.I am very lucky to be here.Why make things worse?I can't tell the truth. God!Even I don't believe these nonsense myself, and they certainly don't believe it. When I got to the lake, I was still telling myself: Telling the truth is a stupid choice.I know that will only increase the pain.What would Joe's parents say?I almost didn't dare to think about it.After drinking again from the lake, I continued towards the camp, walking more slowly.Reason keeps telling me what rhetoric I should adopt, which is both reasonable and reasonable.I can't lose my logic.However, something inside is avoiding doing this.Maybe it's guilt.No matter how many times I tell myself that I had no choice but to cut the rope, a thought pops up and babbles that this is not the case, as if cutting the rope is offensive and goes against all instincts, even self-defense instinct. Time slipped away imperceptibly.I kept cocooning myself until I felt like I was going to explode.I couldn't use any rationale to get rid of the guilt and cowardice in my heart, and I was suffering because of it.Fatalism began to lead me into self-torture again.Maybe I deserved to be punished, to atone for the sin of letting him die, as if surviving was itself a sin.My friends will believe and understand me.Others can choose to believe what they want to believe.If it hurts me, it probably deserves it. At the end of the second small lake, I climbed the last slope of the moraine, overlooking the camp's two tents.Desperate for food and water, and desperate for frostbite treatment, I sped down a cactus-covered hillside above camp.I completely forgot whether I should fight against Richard's truth-telling heaven and man, and I almost ran down in a hurry.I slowed down, climbed a hill, and saw Richard walking slowly towards me.He was carrying a small backpack and was looking down at the ground.He didn't hear me.I stood still, startled by his sudden appearance, and I waited for him to come, when a wave of extreme weariness engulfed me.it's all over.I felt as though I was about to cry, but my eyes remained stubbornly dry. Richard looked up on the road and saw me.His expression changed from anxious to surprised, and then he grinned widely, his eyes twinkling with joy.He hurried to me. Simon!Nice to meet you!I'm worried to death. I couldn't think of anything to say, I just looked at him blankly.Confused, he looked behind me for signs of Joe.Maybe it was the look on my face that told him, or maybe he already expected something bad to happen. Where's Joe? Joe is dead. I nod.We were all silent, unable to look directly at each other.I threw my backpack on the ground and sat on it, feeling like I would never be able to stand up. You look terrible! I didn't answer.Thinking about what to tell him.My lie was perfect, it's a pity I couldn't muster the strength to say it.I stare helplessly at my blackened fingers. This is for you to eat.He handed me a bar of chocolate.I brought the stove.I'm going to make some tea.I just came up to find you.I thought you guys might be hurt lying somewhere did Joe fall?What happened Yes, he fell and there was nothing I could do.I say flatly. He muttered uneasily.I think he sensed that I needed some time to adjust myself.I watched as he prepared tea, handed me more food, and rummaged through his backpack for medicine.Finally he handed me the medicine and I took it without saying anything.The mere presence of others at this moment engenders in me a profound sense of camaraderie and gratitude.I knew he would die if he went to the crevasse.I wonder if he realizes the danger is there.He looked up and found me looking at him.We smile at each other. Sitting on the hill feels very warm.Without knowing it, I said everything truthfully.I can't help it.He sat quietly and listened to what I was going through without asking questions or showing any surprise.I'm glad I told him the truth.If I didn't do this, I might have saved me from some harm, but in the process of telling, I found that Joe and I did a lot more than I thought, and these should be said: Rescue in the snowstorm, How we unite and work together, how we try to get down the mountain alive.Saying we were stupid enough on the glacier not to rope each other so Joe fell into a crevasse, I can't do that.After he tried so hard to survive, I couldn't.I can't lie, it's not fair to him.And I feel like I've abandoned him, which makes it even less likely for me to lie.When I had finished, Richard looked at me and said: I knew something terrible must have happened.I'm just glad you survived. We packed up the rest of what he had brought.He put these things into my big backpack, and then he picked up both of our backpacks.We walked silently to the tent. I became dazed and dazed for the rest of the day.I lay wearily outside the tent, basking in the sun, with my gear strewn around me to dry.We didn't talk about Joe again.Richard was busy preparing a hot meal, with cup after cup of tea.Then he sat next to me and talked about his long wait.He came to believe that we had perished in some catastrophe, and at last he could no longer bear the uncertainty, and set out to find us.For six or seven hours I did nothing but doze and eat in the sun.It was difficult for me to adjust to the luxurious material conditions in the tent.I felt like I was gaining strength, and as I lay half asleep, my body was repairing itself. Towards evening, clouds came in from the east, and the first waves of heavy rain fell on us.Thunder roiled through the clouds, and we retreated into the big tent, which I had been reluctant to enter until now.Richard fetched his sleeping bag from the tent and cooked another meal on the gas stove at the entrance of the big tent.By the time we finished our meal, the rain had turned to snow, and a strong wind was beating against the tent.It's very cold outside. We lay side by side in our sleeping bags, listening to the sound of the snowstorm outside.Candles flickered on the walls of the tent, flickering red and green.By candlelight I saw Joe's belongings cluttered at the back of the tent.I thought of the blizzard of the night before and couldn't help shivering.That image stayed in my mind until I fell asleep.I know how bad things are on the mountain.The snow would pour down and fill the crevasses under the cliffs, burying him.I fell asleep tired and dreamless all night.