Chapter 7 Chapter 7 Voices of the Past, Voices of the Future

There is a small window.The interior is dark and the halo effect caused by the light outside makes the window frames look like tunnel exits.The vast scenery outside the window is different from the scenery seen from the small stone window of the studio and workplace, and the scenery overlooked from my apartment room by the Aruno River. It is a world with a flatter impression and no sense of distance like a box garden. Mei Qiu.The small high hills of Hanegi Park are in front of you.Although it is a nostalgic scenery that overlaps with the memories of my school days, it may be that I am used to seeing the relationship between Florence's stone roads, and I always feel that the Japanese scenery in my eyes is incongruous.

When I returned to this city, I was like a person who has too much time to kill after retirement, living a leisurely and confused life every day.I didn’t look for a job either, so I lived in the apartment where my grandfather’s works piled up like a mountain. I turned on the radio every day, lying on the camp bed, listening to music and a series of half-understandable Japanese.I left my heart in that city. In the afternoon, I went for a walk in the park with nothing to do.Walking weakly like a patient who is allowed to go out, I pass by a mother holding a child. When I think of Giovanna, I close my eyes.

I returned home without finding out the truth.I'm afraid to confirm.I didn't have the courage to question Giovanna, so I fled back home.I prayed repeatedly that I could trust the teacher, but the more I prayed, the more terrifying Giovanna appeared in my heart like a demon. Betrayed by someone I considered my mother, I needed time to recover. It has been half a year since I came back to Japan.The only solution to forget the disgusting memory is to tell yourself in your heart: Forget it! Sit on a park bench and take turns looking at the sky, the clouds, and the roofs of houses.I felt something restless deep in my heart.My head can't figure out what that is.But I knew it was caused by the emotional wreckage that had dominated me in the past.

I cling to the memory of Kazuo tightly.To get away from the distress of reality, only think of the happiest moments in past memory.happy moment In fact, that period of time was very short.However, the first thing I think of is always the beautiful days rather than the lonely breakup later.At this moment, I especially want to pursue beautiful memories.The books that two people read in turn, the music that two people listen to together, the coffee shop that two people go to, the road that two people walk, the sky that two people look at I gazed at the clouds drifting across Setagaya.Thinking of those days is as clear as yesterday.Maybe I came back to this city to pursue the memories of Kazuki and escape from the painful reality.In order to temporarily forget the time spent in Florence, I live alone in this city.

I bought a job hunting magazine at the supermarket in front of the station.Grandpa subsidizes me some pocket money, but I can't always rely on it like this.I should figure out how to survive here.In order to get back to normal, I have to work. However, what kind of job can I find in this city rushing to the future, who only has the specific skills to restore paintings?I always feel that here, the past is discarded. The whole of Tokyo is leaning toward the future.The high-rise buildings that have been renovated one after another are flourishing like a symbol of the future, standing above the houses.I thought: what was the past?Is the past something no longer needed for people?I, who have come all the way to restore the past, can't find another place to stay in this city.Can I hold myself and survive the speed of this city?

Hey, don't start thinking about your future plans!To be idle all the time is harmful to young people. Sometimes, grandpa can't help cheering me up when he sees me like that.During the past six months, my grandfather was the only point of contact between me and the outside world. I don't know what to do myself. Now that the painting is done, try tempera. I want to paint, but I don't think it's possible to survive painting tempera in Japan.Practical issues and immediate life cannot be ignored.I can't always rely on you, Grandpa! Although my grandfather continues to serve as the director of the painting association, he is almost in a state of retirement to give way to the younger generation, and has nothing else to do, so he takes special care of me.He doesn't pin his dreams on his wealthy son, but wants to pin his dreams on me, his grandson.However, the creative world of grandpa's down-to-earth accumulation step by step cannot be easily imitated successfully with just a little hard work.Everything takes time and perseverance.

I think I'm still suitable for restoration work! That's good too!It's just, I know you've come to an end, I don't know what else is in Italy.When I saw your eyes that lost motivation, I wanted to try to do something for you. Thanks, I'm so glad to hear you say that.But this is my problem and I have to solve it myself.Grandpa sat cross-legged on the sofa, stuffed tobacco into the pipe, and muttered: I just want you to draw. If you must continue the restoration work, I can also introduce you to several restoration centers. Let me think about it again.I still have some savings left, this house does not require rent, it is very helpful to me, let me hang around for a while!

All right!You're young, young enough to start over again. Grandpa pointed his chin to the room where his works were kept and said, "I want to show you some works." I silently followed him, listening to him proudly spend a long time introducing his works one by one. Every piece of work is full of the vitality of grandpa.In the large room with the dark curtain hanging down, there are piles of abstract woodblock paintings with powerful lines drawn by my grandfather when he traveled to Central and South America in the 1960s.For some reason, almost all of the works have more buildings than people.Although there are no figures depicted in the painting, it is full of life and history.

Grandpa pointed to a wood panel painting, in the middle of the vast desert, there stood a single-story building similar to houses in Central and South America. Pay attention to this simple and inactive space composition, and the old and friendly critics named this group of works as the family's portrait series. Then, Grandpa showed me pictures that only painted wooden posts or walls.These are also the same as the home series. On the surface, they are ordinary works with only wooden piles and walls, but in fact they reveal the sight of grandpa during the trip and the local people's sense of life.

These wooden stakes and doors are the things that I try to draw from the part of my life that feels like the end of the world.Look, this wall is a Mexican wall. The walls in the prints are photorealistic.In the center of the bright green wall, there is what looks like a door hidden by bricks. There are no living things in this painting, but the concealed door and bright green paint subtly and humorously express the psychological appearance of Mexicans and shock the hearts of the viewers. I must want to be an observer of the daily landscape!When I was young, I could cut out the subject with such precision and reproduce it. In a sense, I have the eyes of a camera.It's a pity that this mechanical eye has been lost now.Traveling around the world with a camera eye, copying what I feel on the canvas is just that, but it expresses the origin of my actions at that time.In this way, I turned the cut world into a work through my eyes, and continued to travel to the future.Perhaps, there is no house, wall, and stake exactly like this on earth.But the spirit of the men who built them survives.This is the task of the painter, it can be said to be a bridge connecting the future!

A bridge to the future?Quite a dazzling noun! I advise you to paint because I hope you can gaze into the future. I shake my head slightly. I don't have the ability to paint that kind of big subject. Yes, your eyes are the eyes of a painter. Although I like to draw, but.Because you want to pin your dream of not being able to rely on your father on me, you think so! Grandpa pursed his lips and said nothing.I speak too much of myself. Sorry, I'm glad you think so, but I'm still fit to be a repairman after all.I take pride in my mission to pass on the past to the future.People like me are also important. Grandpa nodded slightly and said: Just do what you want! One day in October, I went back to my alma mater, Chengcheng University.Take the Odakyu Line train and get off at Seijo Gakuen Station.The station remains the same as before.The moment I walked out of the ticket gate, my memory came back to life.Is it because you never came back after graduation?I feel very nostalgic.From time to time I turned my head back down the stairs.The student's expression seemed familiar.Even though I don’t know any of them, I just miss every face. Walking down the stairs of the station, the narrow circle is crowded with people and cars.Some stores have been remodeled, while others remain the same. Yes, I go to school this way. Naturally drives the body.The cafe on the second floor where I used to date Aoi is no longer there, and a newly opened restaurant has been replaced.There was a couple sitting by the window, two young people like me and Aoi at that time.I stopped in an instant, searching for the outline of memory at that time, and sighed softly. Every time I found a flower shop, clothing store, or cake shop in my memory, my heart felt hot and the corners of my eyes drooped.The mood is like going back to the student days.Looking around at the ginkgo trees standing on both sides of the road, we once walked here side by side, and the shadows of the two of them at that time emerged in front of our eyes.I stopped several times, catching up with the footsteps of the passing students. Walking into the school gate, the memory shook my feelings more intensely.Everything remains the same as it was six years ago.I went straight to the student hall.After class, we often make an appointment to meet in the lobby of Building No. 1 in front of the Student Hall.Aoi always sits by the window.The light came from behind her, and her outline emerged in black, like a religious painting in the Middle Ages. She was looking for me among a large number of students pouring out, but instead of running to her immediately, I hid behind a pillar a little further away and stared at her.Aoi tilted her head and stared intently.It makes me so happy that someone as calm as usual is so eagerly awaiting.Sure enough, as soon as I poked my head out, she quickly stood up and walked out with an expression that I had just arrived.She's the kind of person who suppresses her enthusiasm in a calm The memory stays here.As the steps moved, the heart became hotter and hotter.There is a pond on the right side of the downhill road between Hall No. 2 and Hall No. 3, and Wenlian Hall is at the end of the slope. Before the school celebration, this slope was crowded with high-spirited figures of students running to get ready.We are just the opposite of those students who walked quickly, and walked slowly downhill. We dodged the crowds and held hands in the bushes next to the tennis court.There was a big chestnut tree under which we had our first kiss.Maybe knowing that there is a campus makes us bold.It was a hasty kiss that cared about the surroundings, and the softness of Aoi's lips at that time is still clearly in my memory.After leaving my lips for a while, I wanted to kiss again in my excitement and confusion. She pushed my chest away and turned to walk towards the 70th anniversary lecture hall. The season is also autumn.I ran downhill stepping on fallen leaves.Aoi looked back at me with a smile on her face. I regurgitate those memories, walking around the campus before dark. At night, I draw Aoi's face in my sketchbook.Across the open window, the dark silhouettes of Hanegi Park's trees looked lush and swollen in the streetlights.Eating cheese and drinking cheap wine, I drew her face several times in succession.Each one is different.I sighed while drawing, she should have a more gentle expression! Aoi started to fade inside of me.I drank what was left of my glass and forced a smile.Six years passed, helpless.No matter how much you think about her, it is impossible to return to the past. Let's meet at the top of Florence Cathedral on my thirtieth birthday!How about it? In childish dialogue, she does say that this is hardly an agreed upon agreement.Although she said it, I don't think she remembers it.Because from then until before we broke up, we never brought up this issue again. The doorbell rang as wine was being poured into the empty wine glass.The cold autumn night air poured into the room through the open windows.I closed the window and leaned closer to the peephole on the door, and my voice froze in astonishment.Bud stood there.I retracted my face and stared at the door in a trance, and the doorbell rang again. Shunzheng!aren't you here?Don't hide, open the door!You just closed the window. Urged by the voice, I turned the key and opened the door.She threw the big bag through the door, walked into the room aggressively, hugged me directly and burst into tears. She cried and said indistinctly: Why didn't you contact me?I wrote several letters. Do you hate me?If so, speak up!It's too much to leave without contact like this!unacceptable!I am also human and conscious!I would also think, there are troubles and pains! Having said that, she took a deep breath and continued: Although I don't look like this.Then he cried loudly as if he wanted to fill up the six months that he hadn't seen each other in one breath. I didn't know what to do but held her tenderly and stared at the door sadly.It seems to see the streetscape of Florence, the Aruno River, Giovanna's studio, the Old Bridge, the Concierge Square, the Uffizi Gallery, and the Cathedral emerging from the door.The past swirls in my mind again. If you want to come, I can pick you up!I said. Yashi's face left my arms and stared at me with a ferocious expression. People who don't even give me a letter will come to pick me up? I will pick you up. Why? Why?Because you came all the way from Italy! You are insulting people by saying that.Why don't you say that you came to pick me up because you like me?Just like I suspended school because I like you. Wait, it's not my fault that you suspend school, it's you who want to suspend school! How can you say that!How long does it take to get from Italy to Japan, do you know?In order to make sure of your mind, I left everything behind. I hugged Yashi again.But Yashi resisted fiercely, roaring: Don't hug me, I don't care for that kind of love! When you leave that country, even love disappears along with it, right? Can't say that. Isn't it the same?Are they all the same?Not even a letter. Didn't I call? Telephone?Just once or twice, and just ask me to send something you forgot, and just give me the address.I am not your sister or mother, I am your lover! lover? isn't it? Yashi's pupils were filled with tears again, and his eyes were red. yes. I couldn't stand myself who said this unknowingly, let go of Yashi, and turned around.A picture of Aoi is scattered on the sofa in front.I thought to myself, it would be bad if I didn't put it away before she found out. The moment I was about to walk over, Ya Shi had already rushed to the living room and grabbed the paintings.I can easily understand what Yashi is thinking. when did you arriveI tried to pretend to be relaxed, trying to ease the atmosphere on the spot, which airline? Yashi held a painting tightly, looked back at me, and asked in a strong tone: What is this? It's a painting! who? It's not someone, it's an imaginary character, and I'm just starting to learn to draw. Why do all the imagined characters have the same face? It was a training to materialize an image. However, there must be a model! I sighed, yes, yes. who is it? Not a specific person. No!I know very well that this is the first time I have seen your painting full of love. Yeah? yes. That must be a skill improvement. Ya Shi tore up the painting in front of me.I couldn't save the portrait of Aoi that was being torn up, so I could only stare blankly.Bud watched my reaction.I looked at the remains of the drawing paper on the broken floor and thought maybe I had to get rid of the past.Yashi grabbed another sheet and tore it harder and harder. When I woke up the next morning, Yashi was lying beside me.Her hands were tightly wrapped around my arms like chains.I couldn't pull my arm away, so I could only wait for her to wake up.In the quiet time of the morning, I lay obediently beside Yashi, thinking about the future seriously.I had to figure out what exactly I wanted to do?Looking for painting restoration jobs in Japan?Or, as grandpa said, do not have to forcefully find a job for the time being, and aim to be a painter, or simply find a job that has nothing to do with painting?There seems to be no conclusion.I also have to think about the relationship with Yashi, is this okay?These are not issues that can be left alone. The life of Meiqiu and Yashi disturbed each other's hearts more than when they were in Florence, and they felt out of breath mentally.One of the reasons is that she has no one to rely on besides me in Tokyo.Her mother lived in Sendai, and she hated to see her stepfather. For many years, they only depended on providing her living expenses to maintain their relationship. When we were in Florence, we spent the night together when it felt right, but here we have to stay together day and night.From morning to night, Yashi is by my side.Even if they quarrel, they have nowhere to escape. What are your plans?I asked Yashi while eating breakfast.She replied: What? It's not good to go on like this all the time. I don't think it's good to live like this every day. That's right! So, what are you going to do? What are your plans?Don't look for a job, just live with your grandpa? How can it be!I was vague, but I couldn't refute it either. Are you looking for trouble? Looking for it. You go to work, for me. for you? Yes, work hard for our future! I avoided Yashi's bright eyes.for the future?I asked myself in my heart.I have no life experience of living for the future.I'm a little scared to peek into the future Yashi stares at together.But I have to do something, try to break this stalemate. Does everyone have to live in the face of the future? We took a walk in Hanegi Park without a specific destination.I once walked side by side with Aoi in this park, and now I walk side by side with Yashi.Am I the only one who thinks the air in Tokyo is more dignified than Florence?I hesitated to ask Yashi.