Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Light Red Memory

time flies.Memories are thrown away like luggage thrown through the window of a passing train. time flies.What happened just yesterday, in the blink of an eye, is like an unreachable past, buried in the other side of the blurred memory. time flies.Everyone has a tearful moment when they suddenly want to go back to the source of memory. Early spring of 1999.The long winter has passed, the sun is warm, and the wind is cool and refreshing, telling the arrival of a new season. spring is here again I looked up at the pink plum blossoms in Hanegi Park, and the blue sky and the ground were faintly blurred like a line drawn with watercolor paint, and I murmured with a half-sigh.

Yashi is by my side, I still don’t have a job, and even though I’ve been brought back to the present, I still can’t forget Aoi. The heart is really troublesome.Also because I don't know where it is in the physical body, I feel that the heartache is completely different from the pain in other parts of the body, such as shoulders and ankles, and there is nothing I can do about it.I don't yet know how to feel compassion for a heart that knows nowhere.Therefore, I have been living with heartache, hoping that time will bring a solution, hope that the passing time can heal my heart disease, and make me forget the past

The old heartache is getting more and more painful, nothing more than that day is getting closer.There is still a whole year left before the agreed date.It's strange to expect this to be like a dream exchange for an unfounded agreement.But my unhealed heart began to clearly lean towards that day. When Ya Shi begged me for joy and hugged me, my heart was not there.The animal nothingness of a man is revealed here, even if he doesn't want to, he can still make love to a woman.That was half an act of sympathy and an insult to Yashi.I regret it every time after it ends, and I can't continue like this, but the lazy character of muddling along makes me constantly stay in the momentary happiness.

It is impossible for Ya not to notice my mindless transactional action.No, maybe she found out, that's why she asked so many times!From her point of view, only love is the only way to determine how I feel about her.Love is also the best way to make sure we are connected. Since the future is uneasy, she hugged me even tighter.It is more appropriate to say that they are pestering me.The only way to get rid of her who is clinging to me is to have sex.Only the delicacy of mechanical or operational engineering was more acceptable to her than any words to get me out of it. However, when I hugged her, I often fell into the illusion that what was underneath my body was sunflower instead of bud.

Why do you close your eyes? After it was over, Memi asked me who was staring blankly at the ceiling.I don't hesitate to say that I'm dizzy which is obviously a lie, but I really saw the past. When I close my eyes, I see Aoi in college.Aoi hiding in the dark.The timid Aoi.The place where the two of them made love in memory was not here ten years ago, or her apartment in Patriarch Valley Dazang.And she never allowed me to do it in a bright place, so the only memory is at night, under the moonlight in summer, or under the red light of the electric heater in winter, the blurred outline of her flesh and the wet edges of her eyes.

Shunzheng. It was Aoi's voice. Don't forgive me yet? I squeezed my eyes shut.Aoi shook my body.The corners of the eyes felt hot, and it took a few seconds to realize that they were tears. Shunzheng. Call again.The sound is closer and more vivid than before.I opened my eyelids, Yashi's face was peering at me. In a good mood? Feeling? In fact, you don't need to worry about it. Before making love, Yashi and I quarreled over trivial matters.Lately, we have been arguing over unimportant things like husband and wife arguing over everyday trivialities.From the time I agreed to go to the art museum, I suddenly said no.We always make up with sex.

In the afternoon, when the notice of my grandfather's sudden illness came, Yashi and I were hanging his paintings on the wall of the living room without his permission. After sex, we went to see the paintings kept in the back room.Yashi and I admire these early works that Grandpa painted while traveling across Central and South America.Yashi looked at those paintings with tears in his eyes, saying that he could see the lives of those who did not draw them. Yashi has not yet recovered from the shock of not being able to talk to her father and daughter, which is one of the reasons why she cannot leave me.She clearly sees family in me, which is almost delusional.She often looks into the distance and murmurs: My dream is to be Shunzheng's bride, and my future is to give birth to Shunzheng's child.Touches my nerves.

Let this painting decorate the room opposite!she says. I had to listen to her, and took out the largest hundred-size painting entitled Bonding, and tried to hang it on the wall, and the phone rang at that time. I glanced back at the painting and prepared to go out without saying anything.Yashi said he wanted to follow me, but I didn't agree, saying that I would go and see the situation alone.She refused to nod. Your grandpa is also my friend! I rushed to Mitaka Hospital where my grandfather was admitted.It was my aunt Wenjiang who notified me by phone.My aunt is also a painter. She was married once, but the marriage was not smooth. After that, she stayed with her grandfather and took care of her grandma, Huanjiang, who was in a vegetative state. The three of them lived together.

Mitaka's hospital is the hospital where his father was born, and also the hospital where his grandmother died.It has been remodeled in recent years, and the atmosphere is not as gloomy as when grandma was hospitalized.As soon as you enter the gate, the cool wind blows from the atrium, and your mood immediately improves. When I returned to Japan, my grandfather persuaded me to go back to Mitaka's hometown, but I was not used to my aunt's indescribably awkward atmosphere, so I ended up living alone in Umegaoka.I haven't seen my aunt for a long time, and when I meet again, I still look awkward everywhere.Was that awkward initial impression a misunderstanding on my part?Her face was sad and gloomy, and she looked weak and helpless.

Suddenly fell ill.My aunt looked at me with eyes swollen from crying. How about now? Not conscious yet, but you can go in and see him. My aunt led us to Grandpa's ward.Outside the window with the blinds half-drawn, you can see the verdant scenery of Inokashira Park.Grandpa was lying on a large hospital bed in the ward on the top floor, with tubes inserted in his nostrils, and gauze wrapped around his depleted face, showing the pain of fainting. Except for a little chat when I introduced Yashi to my aunt, there was no decent conversation, and the three of them quietly looked down at Grandpa's face.I think of Grandpa's healthy face in Florence when he said there was an opportunity to beat my stomach secretly.I don't know if the situation has worsened?

Your dad said he would come back.The aunt stared at the grandfather and said. I don't know how to respond.After graduating from high school, I didn't have a formal face-to-face with my father, because I think he drove my mother, who was also a painter, to commit suicide. Will it really come? will come! how do you know? Because there is an inheritance! I stared at my aunt again.There are blue veins floating around her temples on the side.The same thick blood vessels appeared when my father was angry.As a child, I always thought my father's blood was blue. Grandpa owned a mansion of more than 300 square meters in Mitaka, and he also had many assets such as a collection of paintings that he had traveled around the world for many years.The father, of course, has the right to inherit. We waited in the hospital lobby, and we didn't go back until the doctor told us that the dangerous period had passed. That night, I looked at the paintings on the wall and opened a bottle of wine with Yashi.After telling myself that grandpa also has a lifespan, he will do it all.If something happens to grandpa, I really don't know what I should do.Grandpa has the same weight as my parents to me. I still have a lot of things to talk to grandpa.I said. Yashi approached me gently, it's okay, he will be fine. If anything, I would be alone. Yashi sighed softly, I am by your side. The two looked at each other.I found a crystal drop of water in the corner of Yashi's sunken eye.Lips folded together naturally, the tips of tongues intertwined, her tears wet my cheeks.Being hugged tightly by Yashi's arms is not pain, but healing. The next day, I had an unexpected visitor.Around ten o'clock in the morning, the doorbell rang. I pushed aside Yashi's arms that were wrapping around me, rubbed my sleepy eyes and came out to see that it was a college classmate. I didn't expect you to be here! He also had a surprised expression.who!There was a chirping sound from behind.I fell into the illusion of returning to my student days in an instant. How to say? I thought you were in New York. how come?Why do you think so? I came here to get materials, and when I passed by here, I saw that the building was still the same as before. scare me! I saw that the door plate was still AGATA, and I thought maybe you were there, but I didn't expect you to actually come out to answer the door. Ah, long time no see. We hug each other.Ya Shi, who was wearing pajamas, came out and asked who it was. Seeing the two big men hugging each other, she asked puzzledly: What's the matter? Takashi Ando was in the same grade as me in college.He is a top student, and it is not an exaggeration to say that I was able to graduate only thanks to him. Every time I take an exam, I have to ask him for help! Chonghe has not changed before, looking at me with the serious no, more straightforward gaze than before.Although they are the same age, they have the tolerant and smiling faces of the elders.He nodded vigorously. Thank me!You are where you are today thanks to me. Me now?Now, sorry, I should apologize. what!How to apologize? Nothing! The two looked at each other and smiled again. Yashi said that he wanted to prepare lunch, but I refused, so we went out to eat together.I don't want Chong to see a place that is too family-oriented.Although I explained that Yashi was a lover, I knew that at that moment, Chong's eyes were obviously wandering in the past. We talked about nostalgic stories from our college days, but some of them were absent.He is someone who must never be mentioned in front of Yashi. We started at noon, drinking wine and talking about memories in the tavern in front of the station. On the night of the school celebration, I quarreled with my seniors when I drank too much, and I was beaten up in front of everyone; I chatted with my classmates in the student lounge after class; the two of us formed the tanka and haiku clubs ; Chong persuaded me to participate in volunteer work; Chong and the girl I met there fell in love Who was Shunzheng dating at the time? We kept omitting one thing, which should have been the first thing we talked about, and instead explored the situation in a detour like a detour home on purpose.We looked at Yashi at the same time.In order to ease the atmosphere, Chong Lang laughed and said: I don't know, but this guy is very popular.There are always a lot of girls around me. I can't laugh. I have always been a good man. Chong found that I didn't want to be fooled, and tried hard to maintain a smile on my face, but that effort seemed to be in vain, and turned into a stiff expression of strong support.Yashi quickly looked at our expressions, and finally glared at me, what are you hiding? Chong pretended to be stupid and asked: What? Yashi, if you want to put on such a face, you should go back first, okay?It's rare for me and Chong to meet again, don't spoil our happiness. She looked at me with an expression of why, but I stared at her with stern eyes that I had never had before.I don't want Chong, who knows everything about me and Aoi the most, to see too much of my current ambiguous relationship with Yashi. The exclusion made her hysterical, and Yashi turned her face away.Chong and I left her who was having a fight, and talked about our current situation in detail without interference. Buddhism?Are you still a college student?You really work hard!I said. He smiled and said: To be precise, it is religious studies, but I am most interested in Buddhist teachings. When Chong talked about his mental journey of re-studying in college to study religion after graduation, Yashi suddenly stood up and left us to go out. Are you ok?Chong looked at Yashi's back worriedly. It's okay, she's just like that. Without looking back, I stared at Chong's face.Chong has been following Yashi's back, saying "cute girl" in an almost inaudible voice.I peek into Chong's eyes.What Chong saw was not Yashi's back, but the lonely figure of Aoi when she was a student. By the way, I saw Aoi. The words that suddenly came out of Chong's mouth made me tremble suddenly when I was a little relieved.Although I was mentally prepared that when we were alone, he might talk about Aoi, but what Chong was talking about was not Aoi's news, but her current daily life. met?Where?do what? It was Chong who created an opportunity for me to associate with Aoi.Both Aoi and Takashi are children of returnees, and they are both classmates at the Japanese School in Milan.I used to be in the same class as Chong, and once Chong introduced Kui to me, I fell in love with her at first sight.I am the same as now, by no means a courageous person, I am always passive, and have never actively pursued girls.My admiration for Aoi grows day by day, and I was the first to discuss this feeling with others.I wanted Chong to ask Aoi what she thought of me, and finally got a chance to express my heart. Chong is my benefactor not only during exams, but throughout college life. milan. Yeah?She is back in Milan. At that moment Chong seemed to have consciously slipped his tongue, and I leaned forward, waiting for him to speak. Can you tell me how she is doing now? I choose the words carefully to ask him.I saw Guang breathing quietly in the depths of Chong's pupils.In order to break through the past moment, I held my breath and waited for his next sentence. After a long silence, I couldn't help but be shocked by Aoi's current life that Chongkou said.That's Aoi that I don't know about at all.Living with Americans is the biggest shock for me. do you have any kid? Chong shook his head and said in a low voice that he didn't seem to have any. Forget it, Shunzheng.It's all over.The sad stories that happened between you and Aoi are all memories.If it will affect your respective lives now, I don't want to say more.She has a new life, and so do you. I sigh. After waiting for the mood to calm down, I whispered: I know. Now, I am sure that the agreement to meet at the top of Florence Cathedral on Aoi's thirtieth birthday is really only an innocent and dreamy agreement.It was an agreement between the two of them in their happiest period.After misfortunes happened, and between us who went our own lives afterwards, the possibility of fulfilling the little joke like agreement seems to be less than one percent.I can only smile helplessly.Chong looked at me wryly smiling, with sympathy in his eyes. We walked in Hanegi Park.The park where the plum blossoms are in full bloom is full of people.We shuttled among the tourists, pointing to the direction of the religious authority who wanted to borrow materials. At the exit of the park, Chong took out a piece of paper from his wallet and said that he had been holding back and didn't know when to hand it to me. I didn't expect to see you again so easily, I'm just like Cupid. It has an address written on it.familiar handwriting.Before I found out that it was Aoi's handwriting, Chong said it was Aoi who gave it to him.I reflexively asked what to do? , Chong shook his head feebly. When I left, Aoi silently handed it over to me. Of course she didn't say she would hand it over to you, but at that time a light flashed deep in her pupils.I always take it to heart.Maybe I explained it on my own, but I don't think it's an ordinary coincidence that we meet by chance.What I am trying to study now is trying to explain this situation as a science.Perhaps in a sense, this is a test given to me by the Buddha. After finishing speaking, Chong smiled lightly.It's like talking to yourself.Then, he put away his smile, returned to his original candid expression, and told me flatly: there is one thing I have to say. Chong stood in front of me as if blocking my way.An old friend who suddenly appeared, this nostalgic friend suddenly told me the news of Aoi.I swim backward in the river of memory that flows backwards from the past to the future. It's a big misunderstanding that you think she did that without telling you. Chong began to tell me about Aoi that I didn't know.The events of the past make a dry sound like a wind chime shaking in the wind.It is the cold sound of ice cubes colliding in the glass. I have been watching Chong's back, and I can't move away from that place.Close your eyes, there is Aoi in her teens, the shadow of Aoi walking alone on the dark road.I want to call her.So weak and helpless, a lonely figure about to collapse. That night, I tossed and turned sleeplessly, and finally got out of bed quietly, and wrote a long letter to Kui without telling Yashi.